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WON’T YOU?

“That Archie is such a ‘card’! I want to ‘club’ him, have him ‘spade’, then pull out his still-beating ‘heart’ and show it to him.” –Ed Dravecky

And enjoy your extremely funny runners up!

“So when Lois suggested they eat away from the TV, Hi said, ‘You’ll have to pry this remote from my cold dead hand.’ One butcher knife later, the hand is cold and dead, but still clutching the remote in the living room, while Hi sits in stunned silence at the dinner table, glassy-eyed from acute blood loss.” –Nekrotzar

“Lacking wood or oil to warm their house, Snuffy and Loweezy warm themselves with a vigorous and cheerful rendition of the Macarena.” –Perky Bird

“It’s like the Godfather, if being literate had been Fredo’s betrayal.” –Doctor Handsome

“Are we sure those lines aren’t Mary’s spider-sense tingling? And by ‘spider-sense tingling,’ I mean, ‘Look out! Here come more inane, mind-numbing dialogue rather than any remotely resembling action.'” –R in CT

“Man, Flutesnoot is straight up original gangster. If I had to guess which Riverdale High teacher was cooking meth in a garage, I’d — well, I’d guess all of them. But if I had to guess which one breaks junkies’ legs when they don’t pay up? Flutesnoot.” –bunivasal

“‘Where’d all these cats come from?’ ‘Well, as near as historians can tell, they were first domesticated in Egypt in … AAAAAGGGHHHH!!!!!'” –Pozzo

“You’re six months pregnant with your first baby — at this point in your life everything is meaningful! You should try talking about your baby in every damn sentence at every damn opportunity. It isn’t tedious at all.” –Chareth Cutestory

I must thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Meg Rosoff: There Is No Dog: What if God were a teenaged boy. “Rosoff’s writing and sense of humor are a force of nature.” -PW “Irreverent and funny…earns its place among the sharpest-witted tours de force of recent memory.” -KIRKUS

To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

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RIGHT NOW! HERE IT IS! YOUR COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“If there’s any one superhero who can deal with a nap-related crisis, it’s Spider-Man!” –Effluvius Erratus

And your very funny runners up!

“At first I’d assumed the Momma comic was a reference to Clint Eastwood’s Super Bowl commercial for Chrysler. Then I realized that that doesn’t make sense and isn’t funny, which means I was probably right.” –Cayuga

“Where’s the beret and the two-foot long cigarette holder? How am I supposed to know this fellow is in The Industry???” –bats :[

“Wait. Did Mark just engage in human contact?” –Faoladh

“Nola may think’s she’s been promoted, but actually her desk has been placed so suffocatingly close to the wall behind her that she’ll never be able to escape from her office-chair, and will probably eventually die of thirst. On some level, even Nola seems to accept that this is the just wages of her harlotry. ‘I’ve earned this office,’ she tells herself with weary resignation. ‘Come, kindly death.'” –Higgs Boatswain

“I pray that the Exposition Twins follow Nola around for the rest of this storyline, whispering asides to each other from the shadows: ‘There goes Nola! Into the john to eliminate feces!’ ‘I can’t believe the size of the bran muffin and coffee that led to this bowel movement!'” –KreatureFeatures

“So, for the nursery, I was thinking of a large Scarface poster and stacking up a bunch of empty liquor bottles in the windows so everyone else on campus can knows how much me and the baby love to party. Does that sound close to correct?” –Chareth Cutestory

“Don’t let this sissy teddy bear fool you, Margo! I’m a man, and my wife has the bloated abdomen to prove it!” –bourbon babe, unbuckled

“I thought color-coded ascots were enough to tell the bland, featureless men of A3G apart but having each man carry a stuffed version of his spirit animal is a huge step forward.” –Ed Dravecky

Thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And this is where we’d thank our advertisers — if we had any this week. To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

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Your COTW soon, but, first, an update. After the untimely death of Dingo, a much-beloved character and commenter around these parts, Uncle Lumpy organized many Comics Curmudgeon readers to help buy some flowers and donate money to the Art Institute of Chicago in Dingo’s name. Now Uncle Lumpy passes on the touching note from Dingo’s mom, which you should definitely read. It sounds like his family very much appreciated him for who he was.

And now: your comment of the week:

“‘So Crazy Harry is 52,’ Mrs. Winkerbean says as if Crazy Harry isn’t directly in front of her. She had learned long ago to never engage him directly in conversation. Best to only give lip service to occasion and then for the rest of the night passive-aggressively nod at the restraining order tacked to the wall.” –David Willis

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Nina’s a sucker for giving away free oxygenated blood and nutrients to a tiny helpless fetus that will likely never repay her; no wonder Margo’s making the ‘L for Loser’ sign.” –ratnerstar

“People in the Funkyverse celebrate birthdays only as a sign that Death has been cheated of a prize for another year; for gifts, their friends simply leave them essays on why the victory is ultimately meaningless. But hey, cake! Oh wait, it’s just that sub-par pizza? Fuck.” –Dagger

“Excuse me gentlemen but my breasts are down here. Seriously what is the point of flaunting my big breasts if you guys aren’t going to look at them.” –Liam

“I don’t think that Ed Crankshaft actually participated in the military action against the Nazis and the Empire of the Rising Sun that kept the world safe from tyranny. Rather, I think that WWII is being used here as a metaphor for when Crankshaft got married (a catastrophe that took the lives of 27 million people).” –Nekrotzar

“What? What is this? It is as if someone took a tape and crushed it into a flat disk. The joke is on you, Kaz! This will not work in a VHS player! Ha ha!” –hogenmogen

Spider-man: “MJ’s transforming — into someone else! Oh, no — what if it’s someone who won’t put up with my shit?!” –Dono

“I was going to complain about how often Mary Worth tries to pass off ‘?’ as a line of dialogue, until I realized that I respond like that to the strip every day, verbatim.” –Doctor Handsome

“I sure wish we could freeze time now, before Mary exposes Nora’s behavior as a product of her unhappy childhood/first romance/professional lethargy/childlessness/free will.” –A New Day

“Either these guys seem to have a poor understanding of the statute of limitations or the authorities in the Mark Trail universe have very short attention spans. Officer One: ‘Hey aren’t those guys the bank robbers who made off with 200 grand?’ Office Two: ‘That’s so last week. Let’s solve some more recent crimes.'” –Bobdog

“I hate to think that we might never get to see the movie Blind Butch: The Blind Hunting Dog Who Is Blind and Cannot See, Because He Is Blind. It would have been a surefire ratings winner, on the Stupidity Channel.” –seismic-2

Thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And this is where we’d thank our advertisers — if we had any this week. To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.