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The comments of the week are nigh! But first, a few intriguing links for you:

• Faithful readers Wanders has a blog called Mary Worth and Me, which shockingly I’ve only become aware of in the past few days. Lovers of the Iron Lady of Charterstone will definitely want to check out this post, which collects Mary’s entire flashback monologue into one horrifying blob of dullness!
• In other single-comic blog news, faithful reader gkl has started one dedicated to Gasoline Alley, entitled Going Antisane with Gasoline Alley. Good coverage of the current deranged and somewhat offensive storyline, which I haven’t been bothering to cover but boy, it’s dumb.
• And then there’s the mysterious and wonderful Family Circus Is My God Now, which combines Family Circus captions with current event photos to cast a spell of awesome.

And now, the comment of the week:

“Wow, they’ve even given up on having backgrounds in Crock.” –commodorejohn

Short and to the point! And also the runners up:

“The irony of a guy called ‘Mooch’ bitching about not getting paid for helping someone move is … well, not actually all that interesting, so that’s probably why it ended up in Funky Winkerbean.” –Trilobite

“Does the typical American family really keep a golf club next to the door in an umbrella stand? Maybe it belongs to Lois for times like these when Hi splurges on a ‘nice’ bottle of Night Train wine and subsequently spends the rest of the week ‘working at home’ in his bathrobe.” –minor flood

“I was just thinking that a ‘nice’ bottle of wine can be interpreted so many ways. Hi probably figures ‘nice’ = free. As in: ‘It was so nice that it rolled out of the grip of that wino, and I’ve nearly gotten his spittle wiped off the neck.'” –Frank Parsnip

“Meanwhile, it looks like the Milford boys are getting the world’s saddest blowjobs.” –Manos

“As for The Persuader, I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen a no-foolin’, eyes-rolled-up corpse in a Spider-Man strip. I certainly hope it’s not the last. I have a list.” –Sock Puppet

“Mary, ‘love’ and ‘acceptance’ are not the same as ‘butting in’ and ‘telling people what to do with their lives.'” –cheech wizard

“Hey, look. Jeffy’s got a dinosaur praying to the god of Creationism. Isn’t that just too cute for words. You know what this strip needs? The Spanish Inquisition.” –kippetje2000

“Toby is just a Mary-in-Training. She’s two steps away from the neckerchief, which we all know is an unsuccessful attempt at hiding your wobbly, liver-spotted neck, Mary.” –Old School Allie Cat

“Unless I miss my guess, Jeffy’s God is the Open Window. Some might call that a subconscious sign of his desire to escape the Keane Compound. I call that a rather obvious sign of his desire to escape the Keane Compound.” –DaveyK

“Love it when Alan glares out a window. It’s like all he ever does, whenever he’s not backing out of his responsibilities, sixth-grader style. You know Luann is wondering why he thinks she’s down there on the sidewalk. ‘Should I … take the elevator down there? To talk to him up here? I might be an airhead, but Christ this is some autistic shit.'” –RaJ

“I agree with Curtis’s dad too. After seeing those gawdawful ‘cheezy melt’ commercials — that’s gotta be what drove dad over the edge — I’m not lactose-intolerant, but I’m becoming lactose-irritable.” –Buck Ripsnort

“The funniest part about about Family Circus is that Jeffy is obviously forming a fundamentalist cult for toys. This will only end with one thing: jihad. Dolly’s Malibu Barbie beach house will be the first target, as it is a sign of degrading decadence.” –WillieO

“Mary Worth is a better superhero than Spidey. Just in this past storyline, Spidey came out on the short end of two confrontations with non-powered Persuader; enabled a state prisoner’s escape; was suckered into approaching a booby-trapped car; lagged two steps behind his wife’s kidnappers, invaded and destroyed private property, and got his hash saved by both MJ and Persuader. In the same time period, Mary provided medical care, food and shelter to a runaway dog, meddled whiny Drew off to Viet Nam, gave Charterstone partygoers a break by walking off with Toby, withheld a toy from an annoying baby, and passed a thorny rose to a pesky child. Is that a tear in Uncle Ben’s eye?” –Godzooky

“200 years from now, somewhere in the desolate pancontinental post-apocalyptic wasteland that once was North America, a lone figure stands, crumpled-up old newspaper in hand, and weeps silently at the carelessness of a time when water was flippantly priced at less than 2 dollars per flask by a cartoon fox.” –auRa

“I must admit I barely noticed the lameness of ‘In another room,’ because I was so busy admiring the euphemistic potential of ‘Dick Tracy broke into my sanctuary.'” –Mollie

“Oh, man, poor Donna Amalfi. Telling Mary Worth to deliver a book cart to a widow is like asking Jason Voorhees to deliver a cart full of chainsaws to a pair of teenagers having sex. It just can’t possibly go well.” –Tats

We must also give a big thanks to everyone who put a bit of scratch in my tip jar this week! And, of course, we give big thanks to our advertisers:

• Shop Indie. Pass it on!: Shana Logic loves Joshreads.com fans because they are independent, rockin’, super nice art lovers! Totally unique hip & hot jewelry, killer ties for men, home Decor & iPod gear, unusual plushes, and more — the best gifts for our favorite people!
• The world-famous laugh factory: A fixture on Hollywood’s Sunset Strip for 28 years! All the legends of modern standup comedy have graced our stage, including Jerry Seinfeld, Jim Carrey, Chris Rock, Rodney Dangerfield, Richard Pryor, Paul Rodriguez, Dave Chappelle, George Lopez, and more.
• The Heretic: Aias was admired by Alexander the Great as his mentor, true friend, and military hero. Even the women of Greece passionately adored him, but he was mysteriously removed from Alexander’s journal. Why? The truth is finally revealed!

To find out more about advertising on this site, click here.

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I know, I’m almost late for the comments of the week! But you have to hold out for another moment, ’cause I have a few other points of interest for you:

• Faithful reader yellowjkt has unveiled his annual comics competition, this year called the National Corniest Cliché Comic Character Countdown. Voting is still open in the first category, Alarming Alcoholics.
• I have for about ever been meaning to link to faithful reader One-Eyed Wolfdog’s take on the eternal “what is a plugger?” question: Some People.
• Faithful reader Jon sent me this link to an essay called Mary Worth: Erotica in plain sight. It’s every bit as disturbing as the title would suggest.
• And, finally, the Scots appear to have help for Rex Morgan’s MRSA problem. Perhaps the Heather and Milton could give him the inside track?

And now, the comment of the week you’ve been waiting for!

“I’m pretty sure, in the Funkiverse, when you move out of your parents’ house, you move directly into hospice.” –Islamorada Girl

And the hilarious runners up!

“‘Haha, no ring for you, Margo! I’m even studying with Caine’s old teacher, learning amazing, kung fu Zen powers to avoid marriage!’ You’ll need ’em, Eric. You’ll need ’em.” –Buck Ripsnort

“If Mary Worth is about to find God in the mashed potatoes, and then claim that her self-righteous, narrow-minded nosey-parkering has all been done in the name of Jesus, I’m going to introduce a class-action libel suit. As a Christian, I’ll share the blame for the Crusades and the Spanish Inquisition. But not by-God MARY WORTH.” –boojum

“I predict emotional blackmail ahead as Elly tries to guilt Liz into breaking down and wearing the family dress instead of something new that doesn’t reek of mouse urine and repressed emotions.” –Duckman30

“What is Dennis’s teacher so worried about? That he might make some puns or, god forbid, wisecracks? If Dennis is a menace he is still a poor man’s Jeffy.” –Foobar

“Who would ever have guessed that Deanna would show Lizardbreath Grannie’s moldy old dress? And it even fits perfectly! I’m so lost in all these unexpected plot twists, I just don’t know what to say. It’s like — if a tree falls in the forest and everyone already knows it will fall, does anyone actually care anymore when it happens?” –Hugin

“Using her typical selective hearing, Margo has misheard Eric’s ‘tell me all about Lu Ann’s show’ as ‘Margo, how did you get to be so amazing?’ She’s predictably excited that she gets to break out her laminated list of bullet points.” –Tats

“Gasoline Alley: Man. Non-stop ‘Hawhaw, look at th’ caw-widge boy, ain’t he funny’ humor that’ll have you rolling in the aisles, assuming you live in the 1930s and are reading the panels via some sort of century-spanning scrying techniques.” –One-eyed Wolfdog

“I think ‘taking it slow’ is a Lynn Johnston euphemism for ‘oops, I’m pregnant.'” –commodorejohn

“I thought my mother got rid of my bar mitzvah suit early in 1962, when she gave it to Goodwill, but I see that Mark Trail is wearing it.” –LITTLE A. OF THE GRAND CONCOURSE JUNGLE PATROL

“Her friend’s parents said a prayer, announced that Mary was always welcome at their table, and fed her. Conflating these events, Mary now believes she is Moloch the Devourer.” –Uncle Lumpy

“The only thing that can save the MW flashback at this point is if young Mary’s life is changed by witnessing a fight between a bear and a velociraptor. And maybe the bear has a laser cannon.” –Smokehouse

“Francis looks far more satisfied with himself than a man who’s going to a bar with his mom has any right to be. He does however look exactly as satisfied as a man who can humiliate his mother by carrying her like a ball should be.” –Corkey

“On the whole RMMD MRSA thing: I thought the CDC handled stuff like that. It does seem awfully amateur. ‘Hey! My dad has a morgue! Let’s put on an investigation of a disease outbreak!'” –indrifan

“And once again, the Persuader fails to persuade someone to do something. He’s failure wrapped in a green suit and orange-striped tie.” –Inspector Dim

“Spider-Man: Panels 4-7 look like a scene from Fantastic Voyage: The Colonoscopy.” –Dean Booth of the Affect Ad Patrol

“I seriously doubt that anything interesting has ever happened to Toby. I mean, look at who she married and who her best friend is. Xanax would be redundant for her.” –Brick Bradford

“June and her nurse pal are just a little bit too smug about how well-prepared they are to fight disease. But I suppose when the MD in the strip is as blitheringly incompetent at medicine as Rex seems to be, having a gallon jug of sanitizer would feel like something to boast about.” –Trilobite

And let’s give thanks to the advertisers who make it all possible:

• The Heretic: Aias was admired by Alexander the Great as his mentor, true friend, and military hero. Even the women of Greece passionately adored him, but he was mysteriously removed from Alexander’s journal. Why? The truth is finally revealed!
• The world-famous laugh factory: A fixture on Hollywood’s Sunset Strip for 28 years! All the legends of modern standup comedy have graced our stage, including Jerry Seinfeld, Jim Carrey, Chris Rock, Rodney Dangerfield, Richard Pryor, Paul Rodriguez, Dave Chappelle, George Lopez, and more.
• Shop Indie. Pass it on!: Shana Logic loves Joshreads.com fans because they are independent, rockin’, super nice art lovers! Totally unique hip & hot jewelry, killer ties for men, home Decor & iPod gear, unusual plushes, and more — the best gifts for our favorite people!

To find out more about advertising on this site, click here.

Post Content

Sure, it’s the wee hours, but by my estimation, I’m still on time with this week’s COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“I know I shouldn’t be so picky, but really! Nothing about this ‘flashback’ looks all that flashy … or backy.” –trooper6

And there were many funny runners up!

“Once again, Mel Lazarus reveals his hell-bent determination to prove Freud right on just about everything.” –Zaq

“It occurs to me that [Momma’s] title character’s last name, Hobbs, is quite appropriate, as she is nasty, brutish, and, most of all, short.” –Ken D

“I think one of the 35-year old Lady Mudlarks got loose in New York City and she’s interviewing Lu Ann for Girl Talk. Look her, pivoting all about. Watch out for her hook shot, Lu Ann!” –Maggi

“It’s fortunate that Mary learned at a young age to ‘delight in the insignificant,’ given that the next 150 or so years of her life would comprise nothing but.” –Violet

“As this drags on, I am now on a road trip to insanity and Mary Worth is driving.” –Kilroy

“Dear Eduardo Barreto, Re: 3/19/08 Judge Parker, panel two: Please bear in mind that Sophie does not need to look quite so much like Sam Driver as you have done so here, because (a) Sophie is adopted, (b) Sam is not her natural father, and (c) Sophie is a girl.” –True Fable

“I always thought the bizarre, awkward, flat-yet-gravity-defying ponytail on Vera was Vera-specific. Now I know this artist just has no idea what a ponytail looks like. Does he think they actually look like the TAILS of PONIES?” –kostia

“By the way, what the hell is low-fat ‘girl cereal?’ Product 19? Total? PMS flakes?” –Shermy Glamrocker

“‘A ring — the token that says I’m no longer a person, I’m a possession!’ Next step: mom jeans.” –Tats

“Alan is the best groomed junkie in history. Now he’s going to be the politest, most trusting smack dealer ever. ‘Um, sure, as long as you promise to pay me tomorrow. Pinky swear?'” –Cranky

“It strikes me as weird and wrong to want to smell like one’s rutting parent.” –Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed

“You can see the panic starting to flare in Margo’s cold, robot eyes: ‘Lu Ann … halt. Please cease hug function. I am not equipped to process human emotions. Halt hugging. Warning! Overloading personality matrix!’ (At this point, just use your imagination to picture the mechanical whirring and smoke that is surely about to start pouring from Margo’s ears.)” –Jilliterate

“Revenge is a dish best served in fluorescent lime green taffeta with cartwheel hats.” –jayjaybear

“Gil Thorp is definitely not the same without the old artist. But this guy has at least retained the totally baffling quality that distinguishes GT from everything else. That third panel: is that a flashback? Is A-Train still on the phone? Who needs to make the call? What’s going on? What strip am I reading? Who am I?” –Mollie

“Did FC forget that it’s a heavily Christian comic, and today is Easter? Why aren’t they in church? I mean, there wasn’t even a filthy-faced child shoving candy into its toothless mouth-hole.” –Loopina

“You know, I’d be as scared as Rex Morgan too, if I were getting telephoned by a vampire. Were we to peek on the other side of that glass door, I’m sure we’d see Andy The Hospital Contact wiping blood from his mouth with a handful of Puffs™ ultra wipes. Good thing Rex can’t tell a staph infection from twin puncture wounds, or else he’d be right out as the patsy for his demonic hospital administration; unemployed, he’d be forced to spend time with his wife and child. I’m sure if you asked the wife and child, they’d prefer it if half the town got drained like bathwater.” –RaJ

And did somebody say “fun pictures”? Faithful reader The Spectacular Spider Brick sent in this pic of him on Jungle Patrol, wearing the spiffy Jungle Patrol shirt he designed. “As you can see, the Jungle Patrol doesn’t just patrol tropical jungles,” he notes.

And I’ve been meaning for about ever to post this picture of faithful reader AMSTERDANG, who was seized by an inexplicable urge to imitate A3G’s Jones the Beatnik, Alan’s buddy/enabler.

And finally, we must give thanks to our advertisers, before I go crawl into bed.

• Shop Indie. Pass it on!: Shana Logic loves Joshreads.com fans because they are independent, rockin’, super nice art lovers! Totally unique hip & hot jewelry, killer ties for men, home Decor & iPod gear, unusual plushes, and more — the best gifts for our favorite people!
• The world-famous laugh factory: A fixture on Hollywood’s Sunset Strip for 28 years! All the legends of modern standup comedy have graced our stage, including Jerry Seinfeld, Jim Carrey, Chris Rock, Rodney Dangerfield, Richard Pryor, Paul Rodriguez, Dave Chappelle, George Lopez, and more.

To find out more about advertising on this site, click here.