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Hey there ho there hi there, it’s Monday night and that means COTW time!

“‘What?’, as a response to ‘I quit! We’re joining the Jungle Patrol!’, is the most realistic piece of dialogue ever to appear in The Phantom.” –Francis

And of course runner-up time as well:

“A plugger? With the correct diacritical marks in ‘déjà vu’? I think not!” –Uncle Lumpy

“I can’t believe Mark would ask why anyone would shoot at him. I think the question is: Why doesn’t everyone try to shoot at him?” –Gagott68

“I am starting to like Doctor Drew more and more. The last time we saw him, he was a whiny little tosser. This time, he is one hell of a confident little tosser. I bet that his first thought upon entering the coffeeshop was ‘Who ordered hot stud-bucket? ‘Cause a large serving is coming up.'” –Lord-z

“Oh, Josh! How can you talk about soap opera sex, and not mention ‘We’re still not high enough’ [in RMMD]? You know, to enjoy the sordid anal violations that are about to occur once we warm up by burning a pile of money. It’s all sex and drugs and money and sex and more sex and, and, wow, it’s warm in here NOW.” –Deborah

“I think Dr. Drew is preparing to play himself a jaunty congratulatory tune on his air harmonica. Perhaps it will be an entirely unknown bluegrass version of ‘I’m Too Sexy.'” –Carly

“Look at that grin on Peter [Parker]’s face in the first panel. Turning on the TV is like Christmas, sex, and crack all rolled up into one for him.” –Inspector Dim

“As a young, single woman in New York City, I must unfortunately admit that I do not find the Apt. 3-G girls’ depressing sex lives at all unrealistic. What is unrealistic is that they never seem to end up tearfully describing their loneliness to homeless people in a Papaya Dog at 4 a.m.” –Rizbon

“Phantom: I repeat, this reads better if you assume it’s a musical.” –Bobdog

“I never really understood why Dr. Jeff thought that his son Drew was a smooth operator with the ladies until now. Jeff’s relationship with Mary is, of course, based entirely on grim desperation — he assumes that if he sits quietly next to her and holds her leathery hand long enough, eventually she’ll give it up. It makes sense that he’d mistake Drew’s own outrageously manic desperation for serious game, I guess.” –Trilobite

“What sort of lame bullying big brother puts on boxing gloves and abuses his younger siblings according to Marquess of Queensberry rules? Sucker punches and crotch kicks are not only allowed, they are mandatory.” –yellojkt

“Why do the patients have their eyes closed? HIPAA, simple as that.” –Royal Sampler

“Go ahead and throw yourself at him, Gloria. It’s not like he can dodge you.” –Chief Investigator Tracer Bullet of the Jungle Patrol

“I do love Vera’s playful protest that she doesn’t like surprises; it makes perfect sense that she’d move to Charterstone, where every plotline is telegraphed three weeks in advance and takes twice as long to complete. No one in Santa Royale has been surprised since the Eisenhower administration.” –Tats

“When I saw that throw-away panel in Marvin my first thought was almost exactly the same as the first time I heard Fergie’s ‘Big Girls Don’t Cry’: Someone actually sat down and created this and wasn’t horrified enough by what they had done to throw holy water on it and set it on fire.” –Kurdt

“Who the hell is Ryan? No fair bringing in vague sartorially-challenged blonde men we have never met when there already are vague sartorially-challenged blonde ones we have. What is this, A3G?” –Mel

And throwing-love-at-our-advertisers-time as well!

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Lots of people seem ready and eager to quit and join the Jungle Patrol! After all, who’s tougher than lady cops and waitresses? While I can’t help you meet the grueling physical and mental requirements for Jungle Patrol membership, thanks to a pair of faithful readers I can help outfit you for that trip to the recruitment center!

First off, from faithful reader The Spectacular Spider-Brick, comes this design for everyone who’s ever wanted to quit and join the Jungle Patrol:

If you’re interested in making clear just exactly who’s tougher than the pirates you’ll fight in the Jungle Patrol, check out this design from faithful reader Steve Downer:

(For that second design, the top graphic is on the front of the shirt, the bottom is on the back.)

Both are available on various shirts at the Comics Curmudgeon store! As usual, the initial offerings are very basic, so feel free to e-mail me if there’s something else you’d want one of these graphics on. (At the moment, I’m too graphics-dumb to get the lady cops and waitresses one on dark shirts — Steve, if you can send me a version that’s a transparent PNG, that would help me!)

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Hey kids! Comments of the week coming up, but two items of interest first:

• Over at This Week In Milford, the Internet’s premier Gil Thorp-focused blog, the results are in for the Best Panels of 2007! And now voting is open for the Worst Panels of 2007. What distinguishes a “good” Gil Thorp panel from a “bad” one is a debate best left to professional art critics and philosphers, but you should nevertheless make your voice heard.
• Though the earlier tech difficulties seemed to have cleared up for most, I’m still getting scattered reports (well, OK, one report, but such a report usually presages more out there) of problems posting. Feel free the e-mail me if you’re one of the unlucky few and I’ll try to figure out what’s up.

And now, without further ado, this week’s COMMENT OF THE WEEK! It just slipped in under the wire:

“Only two cookies? Girl, if I could hold a knife I’d cut you.” –Johan

And the ever-funny runners up!

“Man, what a fishing trip. I bet Niki’s mom’s skanky meth-cooking boyfriend is starting to look pretty good in retrospect. And once Rex blows up the still, in an uncanny echo of the meth lab explosion that nearly killed his mother, post-traumatic stress disorder and a phobia for (or rather a rational, well-founded fear of) grown-up men is going to be Niki’s inescapable destiny, if he survives at all.” –mcmc

“But what I really want to know is how you can play basketball when your entire school is built on a 25-degree slant. Is this what’s known as a ‘home court advantage?'” –Electro

“[Gil Thorp] has amply represented neurotics and sociopaths. Andrew is a venture into psycopathy. Marty Moon will die.” –prospero

“Hey there John, buddy, as a former bachelor married to a busy woman I want to introduce you to a startling new Culinary Development. It’s called ‘chips and dip’. You can buy these in the store, and they are easy to serve. Open the bag. Open the jar. If you are feeling ambitious, pour one or both of them into a bowl. Problem solved, my friend. Oh, and you can also buy wine or soft drinks at a store. You can even purchase ice, my friend. Just to be clear, I’m not talking about some specialty store in New York. There are a whole bunch of conveniently located stores that populate most neighborhoods. We’ll call them ‘convenience stores.’ Just pop into one of them and pick up these items. It should only take five or ten minutes. Your guests will thank you!” –Poewar

“This ‘Jungle Patrol’ plot promises to be as chock full of twists and turns as Peter Parker shopping at an Old Navy for seven months while his Spidey sense goes haywire because he forgot to leave his costume at home and can’t try on cargo pants.” –Benicillin

“In the Winkerverse, perhaps ‘band directors’ widows’ is not a euphemism. I wouldn’t be surprised if band directors drop like flies there, succumbing to cancer, freak accidents, and diabetes, the latter of which would explain the beer and M&Ms … it’s an altar.” –Frinkenstein

“I had the same thoughts re: public transportation when I read the strip this morning, but then I remembered: have you ever tried to deal with the crowds in a busy city 16 days after midnight on New Years Eve? Impossible.” –LogopolisMike

“To me, the fact that Maureen caught fire — and that the ‘fire’ is covered up by a narration box — means only one thing: She really caught fire. She’s going to go to the ER with her hands burned beyond repair and that alien looking girl with chopsticks in her hair is going to irreparably injure her hands in a gesture of solidarity.” –pleinedepoisson

“Apparently Dr. Drew speaks to himself in cliches and adolescent angst, always an attractive quality in a man.” –Burning Prairie

“I like the narration box in the first panel of Gil Thorp, and I hope other strips start adopting the formula ‘[name of character] catches fire, and [resulting consequence]’ for their own narration boxes. ‘Tommie Thompson catches fire, and no one notices for several days.’ ‘Mary Worth catches fire, and thousands emerge from their decades-long enslavement, blinking and hesitant, as if waking from a dream.’ ‘Mike Patterson catches fire, and jubilant throngs flood the streets.’ Wouldn’t that be neat?” –OtherOpus

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