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OK, everybody, at long last: the complete list of Self-Clubbing Tyler Lookalike Contest entrants! Let’s start by taking a look at the glorious panel itself in all its glorious glory:

And now, to refresh your memory, the entries you’ve already seen. The first is from a reader who likes to be known as Dr. Jeff Corey. He sent several variations on his picture; this is the one I liked best.

Dr. Jeff’s lovely and talented wife, Lucy Van Pelt, added this Brynna Antenna cameo.

(You might remember Lucy as the winner of the Finger Quotin’ Margo contest. This is one family that just can’t get enough of the comics character imitatin’!)

But back to Tyler. Next up is faithful reader Harold. “I think a few neighbors are probably wondering why I had my 10-year-old nephew taking pictures of me whacking myself in the head with an oak tree branch,” he says.

Faithful reader Johnny Cat uses special effects to capture Tyler’s dead, dead eyes:

Faithful reader Kevin created a Tron-like virtual world wherein his self-clubbing took place:

And finally, here’s faithful reader Lee’s entry. “That orb is actually a basketball, a really dirty basketball,” he notes.

This bunch was indeed righteous and awesome, and it inspired a host of new entrants, who are you seeing now for the first time!

Let’s start with faithful reader TurtleBoy. “It ain’t much for accuracy, but I like the mathematical formulas in the background,” he says. (Does anyone in Milford actually understand math, other than Brick House?)

This one arrived without comment through my smoldering modem:

Faithful reader Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener offers this two-for-one head bash/M!B!S! merch model shot:

Here’s one from self-described “mostly lurker” hypochrismutreefuzz. I’m curious about what appears to be a cage apparatus in the background.

John B. used the power of PhotoShop for his entry (at least I hope so). “Please note the highly accurate hair curl,” he says.

I reproduce for you here the entirety of the note that accompanied this pic from faithful reader Wally Lamb:

Dear Sir/Madame:

I won this contest fair and square. I didn’t do anything wrong. I never filed a police report. I never accused anyone. Everyone thinks I’m stupid, even Brynna. But I got one over on all of you!

And finally, here’s faithful reader Spotted HØrse. He’d like to assure you that photographic trickery, and not Mother Nature’s cruelty, is responsible for the shape of his noggin in this photo.

The inimitable and awesome Dean Booth, you may recall, has created a Self-Clubbing Tyler Action Figure, which is going to serve as the prize for this here contest! Here he is in mint condition in his original packaging:

And this is what the playset looks like when you get it all put together:

And, oh yeah, did we mention that it has mechanical parts that really work? You’d better believe it, buddy!

Still more pics are available on Dean’s Web page, including a good one of the back of the action figure’s bloody head. Anyway, it’s going to be excruciatingly difficult for me to figure out who deserves this most, so look for me to take another week of farting around to do it. Meanwhile, debate the merits of the entrants in the comments on this post! You may sway me! You may not! But you’ll enjoy it!

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Ack! I know, I’ve been terribly remiss on a number of metapost fronts, not least of which is the SELF-CLUBBING TYLER CONTEST! I’m gonna get all of those pics up this weekend at some point, I promise, and let you all hash out the merits of the entrants before I make my decision next week. But till then, here’s another few metaposty things.

First off! The following TDIET passed by on Saturday unremarked:

But! Did you know that “Sarah Culp” is really faithful Comics Curmudgeon reader Propaniac? It’s true! Due to scheduling mix-ups at the syndicate, she actually missed her moment of glory on the day of publishing, but thanks to the Internet, it’ll be here forever for all to enjoy. Sarah says: “I sent the idea in mid-November, when I actually was sitting around my house waiting for a desperately important call about a job interview, and the phone just wasn’t ringing at all and it was driving me insane and it struck me that there might be a little bit of irony in the situation, and a little bit of irony is what TDIET is all about, right?” (She did end up getting the phone call — and the job — eventually.)

Several commentors have noted that their TDIET submissions have been accepted; be sure to let me know when yours will run so I can feature it here!

Now, on to merch! Even since last week, I’ve had this charming bit of banter stuck in my head:

Thankfully, faithful reader extraordinaire willethompson has crafted one of inimitable merch designs out of it:

And he also took the opportunity to cook up another design he’d been contemplating, a tribute to Judge Parker’s dear Abbey:

These fine, fine garments will run you $16 plus 5.50 shipping and handling. Cups are $13 + 5.50 S&H. Shirt/cup combinations are $29 + 6.50 S&H.

Now, remember the deal with these: We need 24 orders of each shirt to do a run, and 36 orders of each mug. It’s a little more convoluted than CafePress, but the product is of higher quality. Orders close on Monday, May 28; if we don’t get enough orders, the shirts and mugs won’t be printed, though we might rework the graphic for use on CafePress. Head over to willethompson’s home page for ordering details!

Finally, speaking of merch, and CafePress, don’t forget that old classics, like the Finger Quotin’ Margo shirt, are still available. In fact, faithful reader MeganKoumori recently acquired one of her very own, and shows of her quotin’ prowess here:

More stuff still available for your purchasing pleasure!

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Hey rockers! It’s time for the TOTALLY BADASS AND AWESOME COMMENT OF THE WEEK! Uh huh! That’s right! You know it baby!

“It would be great if someone revealed a cure for cancer, if for no other reason than to render the next several months of Funky completely irrelevant.” –Reedzilla

Hey and guess what? THESE COMMENTS ROCKED PRETTY HARD TOO!

“Oh my god, kids these days. They stick out a fist at you, and they expect you to just know that you’re supposed to respond analogously. Not like high-fives, where you slap the other guy’s palm with your tongue, or a handshake, where you put your penis in the guy’s waiting hand.” –junk science

“I think that Gabriella’s mystical powers and ecstatic visions are perfectly within the realm of believability. Only a great and powerful witch could carry the devil’s child to term.” –The Eleusinian

“As the tale of Cedric the Butler winds to a (presumptive) close, let’s play Judge Parker Mad Libs for a stab at the next story line: Abbey and Neddy travel to [geographic location] where they run afoul of a [social stereotype]. Fearing that they will be victims of [crime or impropriety], they attempt to defend themselves with a [household object]. The day is saved by a [adj.] [profession] with a [adj.] [noun]. Later, Neddy tries on a sexy [article of clothing], much to Abbey’s [emotion].” –Motorposus

“Is it me, or is Mrs. Coach Thorp a dead ringer for Resuscitation Annie, the CPR doll? And when I say ‘dead,’ I mean that I don’t want to poke around in Coach Thorp’s closet any time soon.” –Wonder Boy

“That second panel, with the locker room staring accusingly at the reader, may be the finest moment in the history of unintentionally unsettling things.” –Victor Von

“I personally prefer the drag queen/stripper name scenario [for Oki Merlot]. Also, that would explain the glittery classlessness of the Oki/Oaky joke. She was probably born in Northern Idaho and in a grand, drunken moment in a Coeur d’Alene Safeway wine aisle, misspelled and mismatched her way into a new life, a new mixed heritage, and a new cultural identity to capitalize on. Her eyes were swelled shut with allergies and regrets, and everyone just kept assuming things, and then after a while it just became easier to go with the flow, as they say. The Chopstick Chignon and Qingpao Qicanery are thus easily explicable as just so much overcompensating.” –SecretMargo

“I’ll take a break from my general crankiness to point out that just about every male character in A3G looks exactly alike. Sandy hair, indistinguishable features, bland, bland, bland. ‘Alan — I’ll miss you most of all — if I could tell you apart from the lunch counter guy.'” –fizzy logic

“Is Curtis’ dad a Foob, or what? His wife is telling him her whole family hates his chain-smoking, rap-hating guts and all HE hears is ‘blah blah blah Other boyfriends, Blah blah blah.’ At least he’s not dying of lung cancer or I-hate-rap cancer.” –dreadedcandiru2

“The smug batter from Central looks like a young George ‘Superman’ Reeves, only in better shape. And by a young George Reeves, I mean 42.” –John C Fremont

“Man, only Mark Trail could take such seemingly dull elements as bird-watching, airport expansion, and bureaucratic zoning and make them … actually even more boring than that sounds.” –GG

“FC: Jeffy has never looked this closely at Dolly before. ‘It’s more a snout than a nose, really. Fascinating.'” –Old Bean

“I admit that I have only been following Rex Morgan via this blog. Usually, serial comics move so slowly that you only need to read every third one to understand what’s happening anyway. But RMMD’s current plot is so convoluted that I’ve just given up trying to understand it. I’ve now accepted that it’s just some sort of surrealist commentary on modern life. A woman makes threatening phone calls! A man sits in ice cream! A lady attends a board meeting in a cheongsam!” –Rooser the Bruiser

“Y’know, I still haven’t heard a good reason why the local paper in Mark Trail apparently runs articles about which journalists are in town and what articles they plan on writing. Perhaps it was a puff piece, something like ‘Severe Autism Doesn’t Hold Reporter Back’ or ‘Coming Soon — The Most Boring Article Ever’ or even ‘Famous Face-Puncher Visits Airport’? Because if that’s what counts as a major story in that town, they desperately need a good spree killing or molasses fire or SOMETHING.” –Trilobite

And hey, you know what else? We gotta thank God, our moms, and OUR ADVERTISERS! Oh yeah!

• Autumn Lake: Good old fashioned Webcomickry (from faithful reader Mooncity!). The kind of comic Mom used to make.

To find out more about advertising on this site, click here. There’s a lot of space available! Also, you may not be aware of it, but you can also buy ad space at the top of the page, just under the search box, where the Google ad sits now; e-mail me for rates. ROCK OUT EVERYBODY!