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In a desperate attempt to stay up-to-date on the dailies, I offer you: “Seven sentences about four comics.”

Mark Trail, 3/24/05

Fresh from battling drug dealers, Mark will now have to choose between making either a famous celebrity or this crazy old hermit cry. I see it as a win-win.

Momma, 3/25/05

Number of Terry Schiavo-inspired jokes spotted in the comics pages: 1. Number of tasteful and/or funny Terry Schiavo-inspired jokes spotted in comics pages: 0.

B.C., 3/26/05

OK, I know I just said this, but it bears repeating. “What the fuck?”

For Better Or For Worse, 3/27/05

On Easter, this comic makes the risen Christ weep.

(And don’t worry, I’ll pick the best of the haikus soon, I promise…)

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Momma, 12/8/04

Today’s Momma is pretty much an illustration of the difference between a gag-driven strip and a character-driven strip. I’ve been reading Momma daily for the last two years, and this is the first time I’ve noticed that Thomas and his cooking-impaired wife have a child, which I’m guessing is because they didn’t before the idea for this joke came along. I mean, come on: wouldn’t longer and more frequent visits with her only grandchild be one of the primary demands dominating Momma’s cavalcade of passive aggression?

On the other hand, maybe she’s scared of little Chucky, since they appear to be roughly the same size.

Anyway, I hope the happy parents enjoy their night out seeing the new smash hit film Love is a Blah.

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Momma, 10/19/04

Momma’s so hepped up on soothing laudanum, she doesn’t even notice that she’s talking to one of those freaky Easter Island heads.

Luann, 10/19/04

Luann’s gonna get lucky!

One Big Happy, 10/19/04

This is so vile as to defy comment.

Mary Worth, 10/19/04

Tommy has long proved that he’s the master of the thought balloon, but here he takes it to a whole new level.