Archive: One Big Happy

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Comments of the week shortly, but first, a few items!

Let’s begin with yesterday’s One Big Happy, a strip that I still read in the newspaper, the old-fashioned way. My newspaper cuts off the throwaway panels at the top of the Sunday strip, so I didn’t see this:

Ruthie’s grandpa is in fact enjoying Scratch Golfer, the fine comic novel written by faithful Comics Curmudgeon reader and frequent commentor willethompson! It is available for purchase for your enjoyment, and makes a good gift for a golf-loving family member.

Also! I Found All Six, the blog by faithful reader Gold-Digging Nanny that focuses on the six differences puzzles in Slylock Fox, has taken time out to explain the difference between Lu Ann’s cousin Blaze and South Dakota heartthrob Cody Stiles.

Also also! I meant last week to link to a fine project from faithful reader LunarHalo, Riverdale Sonnets, which combines the most demandingly structured of the poetic forms with … Archie, for some reason.

And now, at long, last, it’s your COMMENT OF THE WEEK:

“My thinking is that either Frank will be choked to death by Lynn with the ‘designer scarf’ or Lynn will become paralyzed in a tragic auto-asphyxiation mishap with said scarf. Either way, that scarf is up to no good.” –Dingo

And your runners-up — so many to choose from!

“Mark Trail has his punchin’ face on! Note the engorged eyebrows — a sure sign of impending fisticuffs.” –buckyswife

“You know, despite the painful, wooden awkwardness that defines this strip, Mark is really the best heroic vigilante in the comics. Why? Because his banter is nothing less than awesome. Today’s cross-panel ‘I think I’ll go make a wager … and I’m betting that this Rabbit fellow is going to lose’ is better than anything Spider-man has ever said and even competes with the snark provided by my personal hero, the narration box in the Phantom.” –Journeyman Softheart

“Man, I can’t even imagine that kind of lifts they had to put in Ice-Dad’s shoes to make him appear taller than the 6′ 8” Mary Worth. It’s for naught, though, as Mary’s sense of moral superiority towers over all.” –Tats

“I wonder why Dolly’s soup was cold in the first place. Was Thel so lazy that she just dumped a can of soup straight into the bowl, and it was only Grandma’s pity for the little melon-head that prevented Dolly from having to eat a cold, can-shaped, gelatinous glop?” –Perky Bird

“What is with the freakish kids in the serial strips? Don’t even get me started on the Sneaky-ownin’ kid with the blonde flip ’do in Mark Trail. Her forehead is so big you could show movies on it.” –Bootsy

“I think what Mary is trying to say is ‘You can buy my love, Frank … all it will cost is your soul.'” –Eldaglass

“I for one am confused by such exotic accessories and appreciate that they went that extra mile to illustrate the — how do you say? — scarf. Of course, if they had really cared, they would have written the word SCARF underneath it with an arrow. Then all I would need is someone loudly and slowly over-enunciating as they read the strip to me.” –Mel

Does it LOOK like I’m kidding? No, seriously, does it? Because I don’t know how to change my facial expression to reflect my emotions!” –Joe Blevins

“If someone ran up to me saying ‘That’s a PET raccoon and I am taking it home!’ about the only response that would make any sense is ‘You’ve got to be kidding.’ Although, ‘Get the hell away from me, you rabies-infected freak!’ would be a close second.” –DaveyK

“Wow, Mark must be particularly riled up this time. At least four hairs have broken free of whatever that blue-black matrix is that holds the rest of his ’do together.” –Joe Btfsplk

“No wonder ladies swoon over Mark Trail. If he would face a gang of drunken bloodthirsty rednecks to rescue a rabid raccoon he would have no problems spending the holidays with her family.” –IronMouse

“Is he named Rabbit because of his sex drive? Could you imagine Mark taking him home instead of hitting him and having a three way with Cherry? You can now.” –Anonymous

“Judging by the big smile on Peter Parker’s sleeping face, I’m betting he got himself some good Spidey lovin’ before going to sleep. Either that or Jay Leno’s monologue was particularly funny tonight. Both things have the same effect on him.” –Perky Bird

“I would be a little worried if in my doctor’s examination room I set eyes on a bag of french fries, a waffle, and a plate of grits. The rural health care system must indeed be stressed if doctors have to see patients while they’re having breakfast.” –Mr. O’Malley

“I think it’s great that Lu Ann’s hometown is populated by the cast of the musical Oklahoma!” –Johnny Bacardi

RMMD: “I have to laugh when Sarah coos, ‘Maybe I should do the talking.’ Otherwise I’ll be overcome with terror. This! Is! No! Child! Never before has she looked so much like a four-foot woman in white lipstick.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Mary has insinuated herself into Lynn’s bed in record time. What happens next will be fodder for many a nocturnal emission, no doubt.” –Tom the Pirate

“I like the throwaway panels in Beetle Bailey. We all know that Cookie’s ‘classic’ cake is simply vanilla and baking flower mixed with enough arsenic to kill the entire U.S. Air Force.” –Erik

Is there anything I can do to help? Like, for instance, may I disturb your probably set and comfortable pre-skate practice routine and make you think about other things, which in turn might possibly distract you which will lead you to lose the competition and send your father, who’s living vicariously through your success, spiraling into an alcoholic depression from which he, and you, will never recover? Or get you a glass of milk?” –Smokehouse

“I don’t know which will be the cause of more nightmares — Mary’s eyes, or Mary’s outfit. Rest assured, though, that she constitutes 99% of my nightmares. Mary, Mary, Mary, all night long. ALL NIGHT LONG. Rest assured, because I cannot.” –Lithros

“Today’s test question: Mark Trail is in the backwoods breaking up a raccoon/dog fight, surrounded by a bunch of slack-jawed yokels. What is conspicuously absent from this scene? (a) A photographer/reporter from a well respected regional newspaper whose ‘scoop’ is going to land on page one; (b) Firearms, or any weapons for that matter (unless you consider ‘the right fist o’ justice’ a weapon); (c) The line ‘let me hear you squeal like a pig’; (d) An endless series of rabies and tetanus shots; (e) A plot line that would make even the greenest tree-hugging card-carrying animal rights advocate utter ‘Seriously?’ when it plays out.” –blammers66

“Mary’s really full of advice for a woman who stole her sweater from Bill Cosby, circa 1985.” –Patrick

“To: Cathy
From: Humanity
RE: Phrases we never wish to read in a Cathy strip
‘Urinary Tract Health.’
Thank you.” –AmazingThor

“Complaining about how fast 9 Chickweed Lane moves is grounds for sentencing you to three months of reading Judge Parker, during which the following will happen: (1) Sam will get in his car. (2) There is no #2.” –Cranky

Jamaal becoming a plugger could tell us that America is entering into a new era of post-racial consciousness. Or that cartoonists are trading the same five jokes back and forth. Whichever’s more likely.” –Beatrice

Also of note is a comment by Mooncattie from earlier today that’s too long to reproduce here, but is essential reading if you want to hear the vaguely Faulkerian take of how Lu Ann Powers sort of lost her virginity in the back of a pickup truck.

Anyway, thanks go out to everyone put some change in my tip jar before heading out to the big bad city! And our advertisers will never forget their country roots:

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Panel from One Big Happy, 8/7/08

Now, here’s a little detail that your eyes might gloss over when you’re reading the comics at 2 a.m. like I was this morning. Funeral services for me and, I’m guessing, faithful reader willethompson will take place at Our Lady Of Perpetual Meddling this Sunday at 1 p.m. In lieu of flowers, we ask that donations be given to Eric Mills, who needs to spring his brother from a Chinese jail and buy his intended a freakishly huge diamond.

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Panel from One Big Happy, 4/9/08

While the joke in today’s One Big Happy isn’t really worthy of note, there’s something very disturbing going on in the background of the first panel. Can you see it? Here, let me blow it up for you:

My God, is that … some ponytailed individual running through the park? Carrying a knife in ready-to-stab position? Is he or she fleeing from the scene of a vicious murder? Or running towards a hapless victim with the intention of committing one? Or are we seeing the midst of a multi-corpse stab frenzy? This panel will go down in history as the Zapruder Film of the modern comics.

Gil Thorp, 4/9/08

Stepping back from the total insanity for a moment … ha ha, just kidding, this is Gil Thorp, and under the new regime the total insanity is back, baby. To get a sense of this, look no further than panel three, where the pitcher is apparently making that ball hang in mid-air with just his mind. I think Milford has found its new pitching phenom … in outer space.

Meanwhile, it appears that the Very Special Spring Storyline is going to involve Gil throwing himself wholeheartedly (and disastrously) into his student-athletes’ lives to make up for years of disinterested coaching. It’s only now that it’s occurring to him that letting a deranged old man spouting obvious lies basically coach his baseball team may not have been the best idea last spring. Anyway, this year’s first victim of Gil’s new over-involvement is apparently going to be “problem child” Tyler Jay. Here’s a hint, Gil: If you want Tyler to keep on the straight and narrow, don’t let him play on the baseball team, where he’ll have ready access to many club-like objects.

Hi and Lois, 4/9/08

The innocence of youth is apparently a myth, as baby Trixie seems to imagine a future where people are forced to desperately stitch up the bleeding, mangled bodies of their loved ones as a matter of routine.

Dennis the Menace, 4/9/08

Usually, the Mitchells roll their eyes or loosen their collars in awkward humiliation when Dennis says something inappropriate, but here they’re positively gleeful at his suggestion that his aged grandfather is old and feeble-lunged. I’m not sure whose father he’s supposed to be, but Henry and Alice are obviously both lacking in filial piety and deserve to have Dennis foisted on them by the universe in karmic retribution.

Pluggers, 4/9/08

don’t think about a plugger’s prostate don’t think about a plugger’s prostate DON’T THINK ABOUT A PLUGGER’S PROSTATE