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Mary Worth, 12/8/24

Hello, fellow young people! Like me (a young person), you have no doubt been using the word “cringe” in its relatively new slang sense, as either an adjective meaning something embarrassing or awkward, or as a noun to denote something that inspires the feeling described by the adjective. This is a use of the word that we young people like to deploy on social media sites such as TikTok and [what are the other ones? Is TikTok still what young people like? double-check this].

Sadly, however, we’re all going to have to stop using the word that way, because Wilbur Weston just did, in the comic strip Mary Worth! Ironically, this act itself is incredibly cringe. That’s the last time I’ll use that word in that way; now, as a young person, I will be moving on to new forms of slang that are inscrutable to the many, many people who are older than me.

Pardon My Planet, 12/8/24

Hello, fellow young people! Are you familiar with the hot new musical film Wicked? Fun fact: it’s actually a prequel to another film, The Wizard of Oz, and this syndicated newspaper cartoon is a joke about the characters from that older movie! You’d think it’d be more direct to just do a joke about Wicked, the movie that’s currently popular, but that would require some research to determine what exactly its characters look like, and that sort of effort simply isn’t part of the Pardon My Planet game plan.

Daddy Daze, 12/8/24

Good news, everyone! The Daddy Daze daddy is dead. The Daddy Daze baby captured and killed him. Now, does this mean the Daddy Daze baby will soon himself die, from neglect? Unclear. He’s a baby, so normally I’d say yes, but he managed to capture and kill his father, so he has powers and capabilities beyond those of ordinary babies.

Hagar the Horrible, 12/8/24

Hey guys, if you’re so scared, why don’t you attack the castle during the day? Idiots.

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Pardon My Planet, 8/25/24

Ha ha, you guys, you know how Superman has heat vision, right? Well, what if — hear me out — what if he was out with his girlfriend, Lois Lane, but was subtly eyeing some other lady who he found attractive, but then his heat vision activated, possibly because he got horny, and then he set her on fire? Like, literally on fire, probably one of the most terrifying and horrific things someone could experience, her screams and the smell of burning flesh filling the restaurant. And then Lois is like “Superman! I’m mad at you!” Not because of the checking the lady out thing (they’re polyamorous), but because he’s horribly injured that woman and traumatized a bunch of people who just wanted a nice dinner out. Not so “super,” is it?

Mary Worth, 8/25/24

Oh, God, Dr. Ed absolutely has an elaborately colored spreadsheet on that laptop with the expected lifespan of all his patients on it, right? And there are a bunch of red cells in the coming week or so? Ed is the first vet who’s managed to really quantify exactly when every animal under his care is going to die, and he thought it would help him run his business more efficiently, but actually it’s crushing and depressing, just like the gift of prophecy always is. No fancy ball/exotic zoo theme can lift this burden from his shoulders!

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Judge Parker, 7/27/24

Hey, remember how Neddy’s fiance was grumpy about some kind of family business drama? Well, big news: Sophie’s not-boyfriend’s brother, who’s also not her boyfriend (ha ha, but what if…?) is also involved in some kind of family business drama! Now, are these the same family and/or the same drama? It doesn’t seem possible, based on the details as I understand them, but on the other hand, why would this strip inflict two separate boringly vague Spencer Girls Get Entangled In Family Business Drama storylines on us? Why would they do that to me, personally?

Beetle Bailey, 7/27/24

Sorry to nitpick a Beetle Bailey strip that actually has a pretty good joke in it, but in panel two Sarge is being tended to by Doctor Bonkus, the camp’s resident psychiatrist. While he’s technically an M.D., I don’t think he’s the correct practitioner for this job, unless the psychic stress of being proven wrong by Beetle has finally pushed Sarge over the edge into madness.

Pardon My Planet, 7/27/24

CARTOONIST, READING GENESIS 2:9 LOOKING FOR IDEAS FOR A COMIC PANEL, GETTING TO THE PHRASE “TREE OF THE KNOWLEDGE OF GOOD AND EVIL” BUT STOPPING READING RIGHT AS HE ARRIVES AS “AND”: Probably the rest of this phrase is “and bad tasting fruit.” No need to waste time reading any further! Today’s joke is ready!