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Apartment 3-G, 4/25/11

In a bold departure from the usual Apartment 3-G fare, the current male guest star, Dan Diller, is not a sandy-haired clean-cut young white man, but is rather a sandy-haired clean-cut young white man wearing an obviously fake beard and wig. Thank goodness non-wigged/bearded but still sandy-haired, clean-cut, and white Rick is here to keep us anchored to what we understand to be A3G reality! In addition to being a clean-cut young man in a suit, Rick is also apparently pretty relaxed about telling everyone about the mental health practitioners he’s seeing. Of course, this strip’s only known therapist is notorious quack Professor Ari P., and one assumes that he’s already blabbed to anyone who will listen about Rick’s depression/anorexia/borderline personality disorder, so there’s no point in keeping a lid on it.

B.C., 4/25/11

So the bird has covered the turtle with … sexy feathers? So a bird will have sex with the turtle? Or maybe another turtle, which will be aroused by the feathers? I’m kind of beginning to worry about B.C., to be perfectly honest.

Pluggers, 4/25/11

Even total strangers are pretty psyched about pluggers’ impending death!

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Slylock Fox, 4/22/11

Everyone knows that the quickest way to make something adorable and kid-friendly is to make a li’l child version of it; this is the logic that produced Muppet Babies and Animaniacs, to great success. Still, when you’re dealing with a mummified corpse reanimated via the ancient magic that still lingers in some musty tomb, a child version seems less cute than terrifying and soul-crushingly sad. Look, the little damned soul is about to taste its first dessert since he died sometime during Egypt’s 19th Dynasty! Too bad his tongue is going to crumble to dust in his mouth the moment it touches that ice cream.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 4/22/11

Ha ha, yes, I’m always up for a good joke about Mary Worth showing off her vagina, but still … still, this is kind of the moment when you realize, “Wow, I don’t think the people at the syndicate are actually reading the comics anymore before they just ship them off to America’s few remaining newspapers,” what with jokes that only make sense in the context of, “Hey, remember that movie in the ’90s, where you saw that lady’s vagina?”

Pluggers, 4/22/11

Pluggers are too respectful to call their teachers by their first name, but never could get their head around all these crazy ethnic names they have these days, like “Van Pelt” or whatever Dutch craziness.

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Slylock Fox, 4/18/11

When your cartoon is populated by anthropomorphic animals, you eventually run into awkwardness when you need to introduce some non- or semi-anthropomorphic animals, a conundrum known to philosophers as the “Goofy-Pluto Paradox.” Here, for instance, we have a a gaggle of clothed, house-dwelling animals confronting a pair of naked (albeit still bipedal, or at least upright) animals who are accused of doing animal-type things like eating tomatoes on the vine. Are the snake and raccoon meant to be understood as mere beasts? Or do they belong to some caste that is oppressed and excluded from Slylock-world society due to prejudice, despite their ability to reason? Either way, once Slylock fingers the guilty party, it looks like he’ll be subject to brutal mob justice rather than taken under the gentle wing of owl law.

B.C., 4/18/11

Speaking of sentient animals, here’s a sentient bird who chose a bad hiding place and now is going to be devoured alive! That … that’s the joke, I guess?

Mark Trail, 4/18/11

You might find the premise of this strip incredibly unrealistic, but think about it: if someone were so unable to understand human nature that they would consider Mark a good guy to approach with a “personal problem,” then he’d probably also have trouble relating even to the people closest to him.

Pluggers, 4/18/11

Yes, these hideous mutant abominations will continue to mate with one another and produce ever more freakish offspring — no matter what our elected officials in Washington say or do. I think our only hope is to call in the military.