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Family Circus, 8/14/08

If you asked me what my favorite Family Circus character is, I’d say, “Aarrgh, what are you talking about? I hate all of those hideous melonheads with a burning white-hot passion!” But if you held a gun to my head and said, “Look, pick a favorite Family Circus character or I’ll blow your brains out”, I’d have to go with Angry Billy, and today’s strip is a good demonstration of why. I love his petulant, contemptuous facial expression. And he’s right to be bitter: he alone among the Keane Kids is old enough to realize that this is just more education disguised as “fun,” and yet he’s still at least four years too young to go boozing and whoring with dad after Mommy falls asleep.

Mary Worth, 8/14/08

Bad: Toby referring to this boring, mass-produced DVD that she purchased on the Internet as “the fruits of my search.”

Worse: The strip letterers putting “the fruits of my search” in bold italics, so there’s no human way not to fixate on it and realize how awkward and horrible it is. “The fruits of my search!” Aarrrrgh.

Pluggers, 8/14/08

If this is a plugger lifeguard, you’re probably wondering, who exactly saves you from drowning on a plugger beach? What, do you expect some taxpayer-subsidized elitist swimmer to haul you out of the water just because you’re about to sink into the ocean and die? Why don’t they just drive out there in a limo and serve you champagne while you’re at it?

Wizard of Id, 8/14/08

I like how this strip starts off being about soul-scraping loneliness, and yet only two panels later finishes up with a terrible, corny pun about lily pads.

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Pluggers, 8/7/08

Far be it for me as an elitist non-plugger to point out when Pluggers loses the thread, but, well, it appears that someone has to. Hey, Pluggers! The primary reaction of a plugger upon encountering modern-day movie theater concession stands should be goggle-eyed horror at the high prices. Suggested joke: “A plugger remembers when the most expensive thing at the movies was the ticket to the movies.”

On the other hand, having the plugger devour the entire bucket of popcorn while still standing at the concession counter is pretty much spot on.

Popeye, 8/7/08

Generally speaking, I only bring Popeye to your attention when it crosses the border into completely deranged, like when Olive Oyl cheerfully threatens suicide or the strip makes genocide jokes. The current storyline, in which Sweet Pea is bonked on the head and gains puppet-master-like power over the of others, is somewhat derivative of that terrifying Twilight Zone episode with the little kid who can kill with his mind; still, it clearly is going to go down the road of pleasing perversity, as you can see here.

Mary Worth, 8/7/08

Phishing, everybody! Phishing! That’s what the build-up is all about. Mary Worth is going to advise its perhaps not-so-tech-savvy audience (median age: 68) about the dangers that lurk in fake spam emails from online merchants; so as not to anger the oldsters, it’s Charterstone’s resident thirtysomething trophy wife who will be defrauded and humiliated for the edification of others.

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Herb and Jamaal, 7/25/08

I’ve been reading Herb and Jamaal for years now — long, boring years, in which the lack of specific references to anything have left virtually no concrete memories in my mind. Still, I’m pretty sure that this is the first time since I’ve been keeping up with the strip that we’ve met Herb’s mother. At least, I’m assuming this is supposed to be Herb’s mother, since his mother-in-law was complaining about her imminent arrival earlier this week. It could just be some middle-aged Jewish guy Herb’s reminiscing about his father with for some reason.

Mary Worth, 7/25/08

“Jeff, the only thing stopping us is ourselves! Darn us and our pathological inability to feel pleasure!”

I’ve been to some fancy seafood restaurants where they have the evening’s fish selections laid out on ice in a case for you to look at before ordering. The Bum Boat goes one better, apparently, by just nailing the catch of the day to the wall. That way, the elderly clientele won’t hurt their necks by bending down to look at it.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/25/08

“Ha ha, you’re right, I am making that up! I actually spent the afternoon having sex in the back of our car with some guy I met on Craigslist. I don’t think I buttoned my shirt up properly afterwards. Wait, did I just say all that aloud?”

Pluggers, 7/25/08

Pluggers don’t need real bifocals because the TV listings are the only thing they ever read.