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Gil Thorp, 4/29/22

Folks, you know a Gil Thorp plot is kicking into high gear when you get a close-up on some teen’s sweaty face, sweating due to equal parts athleticism and anxiety! Anyway, Nomar urges Gregg “G-Hamm” Hamm (shouldn’t that be GG-Hamm? GGG-Hamm?) to “keep an eye out” for that umpire, but of course Gregg is near-blind and can’t keep an eye out for anybody! Don’t worry, though, with that magical pitchin’ flipper hand that we’re just now getting a look in panel three, he doesn’t need to see anything. The flipper does all the work!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/29/22

Hey, uh, I don’t want tell a pair of hardened pair of lowlife criminal scumbags how to do their jobs, but: have you guys heard of guns? Just saying, if you’re worried about a guy with a broom cramping your style: guns. Look into them and thank me later!

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Pluggers, 4/24/22

When I lived in Oakland, California, there was a plumber’s truck that parked near my apartment building all the time with the business name “KING OF THEM ALL” emblazoned on the side of it. This was in 1999 or so, so it wasn’t a given that every business would be online, but they also had a URL proudly emblazoned on the side, “kingofthemall.com”, and I always thought that whoever was the King of the Mall must have been pretty pissed! Anyway, it’s now the year 2022, kingofthemall.com is an SEO spam site filled with uncanny valley prose written by a machine, nobody cares about URLs any more anyway because now to find out about a business’s hours or contact information you have to look on their Instagram stories for some reason, and Pluggers are here to inform you that if your small vehicle-based business has an even vaguely creative name, you have given up your plugger status no matter how blue-collar you are. Apologies to the King Of Them All, wherever you are.

Dick Tracy, 4/24/22

Gotta respect that Dick Tracy, whose antagonists all have based their entire identity on some weirdo shtick, is willing to engage in banter with said antagonists about said shtick. This is more important to the criminals of Neo-Chicago than their so-called “civil rights,” which is good because Dick Tracy definitely will be violating those.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/24/22

Oh dang, is our hero, the “Street Sweeper,” who apparently built his vigilante identity around his quotidian day job, going to become an super villain? If some guy pissed all over the floor and told me “Hey buddy, you missed a bit over there,” that would do it for me! I wouldn’t take offense at random passersby making fun of my identity, though. That’s just part of the risk of being a superhero, and you need to develop a thick skin against those sorts of criticisms. But the pee thing? Unacceptable.

Mary Worth, 4/24/22

Haha, yes, at last some real Ian drama, which is all I’ve ever craved from this Toby storyline! Were Ian and Helen enemies? Lovers? Enemies to lovers, one of the most popular tropes in the romance genre? Can’t wait to find out!

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Dick Tracy, 4/20/22

One thing that’s been bothering me about this Dick Tracy storyline is the name of the character who dated the dead real Tonsils and is now dating the live fake one: “Dot View.” Is this … wordplay? Is it a pun? Is it referring to something? There was a gimmicky cell phone accessory by that name in 2015 but since the Dot View character was first introduced in 1952, I assume they’re unrelated. Her whole thing is that she hosts a local TV show, which I guess was enough of a novelty in 1952 that you could get a name out of it. “Get it? Dot View? And you view her? On the television, which you only bought 18 months ago? Makes you think, huh?”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/20/22

I certainly hope all these superhero images we’re seeing are flitting Rex’s mind as Buck describes these pathetic do-gooders to him. “Heh heh, some guy in a latex costume that’s doing him no favors shoving a sign that says ‘VOTE’ in my face, eh? I wasn’t going to vote anyway, but I’d tell that guy that he made me turn my back on my civic duties.”

Dennis the Menace, 4/20/22

An innocent child, unaware that the youthful vigor and energy he takes for granted will one day be washed away by a flood of grown-up responsibilities, leaving him in a state of perpetual near-exhaustion? Menace level high … and increasing.