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Gil Thorp, 6/2/22

So Gregg wore his dumb mask, the opposing team figured out he was blind and peppered him with bunts, and now he’s real depressed and giving up even the pretense that he’s a teenager. “Look at my hair!” he shouts. “I’m an old man! The only reason I’d go to the park is to yell at the young women about how they should dress more decently in public!”

Mary Worth, 6/2/22

Speaking of dressing indecently, oh my goodness, after a dull few days when Dawn and Jared endlessly rehashed his intense insecurity about the fact that she looked at another boy at the zoo and coming to what seemed like a boring consensus about how it was nothing and nobody should fret about it, Dawn is now going to Da Club behind Jared’s back, because their relationship is in fact extremely unhealthy! The last time we saw Dawn out at what I assume is Santa Royale’s hottest and noisiest goth club, she was there with her art history professor and surprised her dad’s ex while wearing this truly incredible outfit. Tonight’s ensemble, with just a hint of bondage around the décolletage, is somewhat more subtle, but I still appreciate the occasional forays into Dawn Fashion to help me keep up with what the kids are into these days. Anyway, does her friend … have a nose? A whole nose? It looks like she might not, right? And her name is Cathy? Hmmmmmmm?

Funky Winkerbean, 6/2/22

The joke here is that the boy waited till after graduation to ask out the girl so there’s no time for them to really form a relationship before they go away to college, but I think this strip would be funnier if she actually just decided she didn’t like him and instead of politely riding out the next few hours is telling him repeatedly that there will be no date #2.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/2/22

Oh, man, I certainly hope they don’t call Rex until the Sunday strip, because we’re gonna need a lot of panels for his ponderous, exasperated sigh.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/29/22

This is definitely one of the on-purpose funniest Rex Morgan strips in years, made funnier by its sort of shambolic, shaggy dog structure, where just a lot of random things happen and there isn’t any real point to any of it. Turns out the police force put their two oldest, creakiest cops on the costumed vigilante case, which is too bad because he used his magic slippery soap to completely incapacitate both of them and amble slowly away, holding a dude at gunpoint. Then you’ve got green sweater guy, who’s been downing beers at the bar for who knows how long, but finally realizes that his car alarm is going off (the car alarm must’ve been going off for the last week’s worth of strips, by the way) and stumbles over there to look dumbly at his windshield. The fact that Local Thug #2 is a little charmed by the random nickname one of these cops just gave him from a prone position is icing on the cake. Kudos all around!

Hi and Lois, 5/29/22

I’ve often wondered why Irma, who obviously despises her husband, stays with him. Turns out it’s because she’s economically dependent on him and has no choice. Grim stuff!

Daddy Daze, 5/29/22

“It ruins the soup. The soup is my life, in this metaphor. You’ve ruined my life! God, that feels good to get that off my chest.”

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/25/22

Exciting developments in Rex Morgan, M.D., everyone! It turns out that vigilantism is not only bad for your rotator cuff, but it’s also illegal, whoops. I’m honestly intrigued by our hero’s insistence not only that being a vigilante is good, but that these guys are his prisoners and his responsibility. Like, a typical superhero’s M.O. is to leave the bad guys he catches tied up for the cops to find, perhaps with a demeaning note taped to their chest. But what does the Street Sweeper have planned for these thugs, if not that? Remember, by day he’s a janitor with a real crappy apartment, so I’m concerned that he doesn’t have the proper facilities to detain these gentlemen, let alone conduct a proper trial. I’m beginning to wonder if he injured his rotator cuff from the summary executions he’s been doing nonstop over the past few months.

Mary Worth, 5/25/22

Uh oh, bad news! Jared will not be able to rely on physical proximity to maintain his hold over Dawn this summer. What if the nerds down at the computer lab turn out to be hotter than hospital-nerds like Jared? We all know Dawn’s object permanence is weak, so what weird and unpleasant passive-aggressive behavior will Jared have to resort to in order to keep her heart?

Hi and Lois, 5/25/22

I am drawing great strength from the facial expressions of both Hi and the ice cream guy in panel two. They are both, each in their own way, extremely over these kids’ shit.