Post Content

Gosh, it seems like the Morgans are about to lose all their savings in a lawsuit, but at least they’ll have their lucrative careers as medical professionals to fall back on! Unfortunately, Rex and June find the day-to-day job of being medical professionals a huge pain in the ass, since it mostly involves dealing with people and their problems. Can you imagine going to the doctor and asking them to look into your potential medical situation that goes a little deeper than just taking your blood pressure and declaring it “fine”? The nerve! Anyway, I sincerely hope that Rex gets a big eyeroll in right before this guy projectile-vomits blood onto him.

Mary Worth, 2/11/22

Objection, Toby’s face is in fact unnaturally smooth in that first panel. There are a few lines in the second panel, though they’re more “This is how human flesh actually works” rather than “Oh no, Toby has turned [REDACTED] and is now a hideous crone.” I’m assuming that in panel one, she’s put a chip clip behind each ear to pull her face nice and taught, to give her a preview of what the surgery will do for her once the poison she’s been slipping into Ian’s scotch finally accumulates to deadly levels and she can pay the surgeon with the insurance money.

Post Content

Dustin, 2/4/22

“I mean, why would I stress about that? That whole thing is Dustin’s generation’s problem, and I don’t even like him! Anyway, if anyone needs me for the next hour, I’ll be in the bathroom, shitting.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/4/22

Wow, it’s kind of amazing that Rex and June spent so much endless and extremely uninteresting time musing about whether Sarah could emotionally handle the publicity and fame of being a big-shot author about a cat who’s also a cop, and yet apparently didn’t bother checking to see if the Morgan family could legally and financially handle it if she got sued. Was this guy their lawyer then? He’d better hope he wasn’t, because Rex in panel three definitely looks like he’s going to murder whatever lawyer fucked this up, right before he murders Kyle Vidpa.

Beetle Bailey, 2/4/22

Hey, remember in the ’90s, when potato chip companies tried to market chips made with a zero-calorie fat substitute called “Olestra” despite the fact that they had to put a label on the bags that said, in a phrase that I assume was the end product of a lot of hilarious back-and-forth with the FDA, that they caused “loose stools”? Frito Lay’s version of these chips were marketed under the WOW brand, something that just popped into my mind, probably for no reason.

Post Content

Mary Worth, 1/24/22

It’s definitely an interesting choice to show Wilbur’s loved ones sobbing over his death after we’ve already been shown that he’s not only very much alive but is almost certainly at this exact moment enjoying another round of yummy margaritas on a private resort island somewhere. This pushes this whole scene out of the realm of heartfelt drama into that of farcical melodrama, which frankly is a more comfortable mode to engage with Mary Worth in, for me anyway. Speaking of melodrama, you have to respect that Mary knows better than to blurt “the sea has probably claimed him” out loud, not so much because of the fatalism but because it’s extremely overwrought.

Dick Tracy, 1/24/22

Wow, I guess, the Neo-Chicago police force is “woke” now, giving officers who have been involved in an officer-involved immolation paid time off to be “in their feelings” and experience “trauma-informed self care” or whatever the kids say these days. Still, it’s nice to see that Dick has a little time to pursue some his hobbies, like eating hamburgers semi-shirtless and wandering around the woods looking for goo that used to be some guy who blew up.

Gil Thorp, 1/24/22

A guy I knew who ran a winery told me that, during Prohibition, some vineyards survived by mailing people grape juice and various other wine-making ingredients along with a note that said “Whatever you do, do not follow these very detailed instructions that we’re about to give to you, because if you do you’ll have made wine and that would be illegal.” I’ve been thinking about that a lot during this Gil Thorp teen gambling plot, where the theoretical teens who are the audience for this strip are simultaneously being set up for a heavy-handed plot where a gambling teen suffers for his gambling ways but also being educated in the mechanics of all the fun and exciting bets they can place on online betting apps that are free and easy to download!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/24/22

Ironically, this page from Sarah’s diary would become the key exhibit in the plagarism lawsuit filed against her father by the heirs of E.C. Segar.