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Dick Tracy, 9/4/18

Dick Tracy’s approach to depicting crime has always been cartoonish, but usually that means “criminals have hideously deformed crania that could only exist in drawings” and not “drug gangs have laughable names and stake out territory by gently shoving rivals across the street.”

Funky Winkerbean, 9/4/18

Seems pretty mean to joke about your brain-injured pal‘s mental deficits, but I guess if you’re recovering from a massive stroke, as this guy clearly is, you’re “allowed” to say it.

Shoe, 9/4/18

I really appreciate that, in today’s installment of “the bird-men of Shoe hate their lives and themselves,” the Perfesser sighs audibly but only thinks about his deep-rooted desire for a total annihilation of self, because if you speak a wish out loud it won’t come true.

Mary Worth, 9/4/18

HELL YES MARY IS GOING TO FIND MEAN OLD MR. WYNTER SOME FRIENDS AND MAYBE A PACK OF FERALS FOR HIS DOG TO JOIN, NOBODY HAS ANY CHOICE IN THE MATTER, MARY HAS SPOKEN

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Shoe, 8/13/18

As near as I can tell, “My wife doesn’t understand me” is a set phrase that, whether it was ever used in real life or not, is generally understood in fiction to be the opening line of a man talking to someone with whom he’s looking to cheat on his wife. (The funny pages’ beloved Hagar the Horrible has used it in exactly that way, for instance.) But while it’s certainly possible that Senator Belfrey is trying to hit on this extremely put-upon bartender, he’s generally been depicted in this strip as grotesquely heterosexual, so I guess we’re meant to understand that he’s not deploying this phrase with ulterior motives in mind, but is genuinely trying to unburden himself and talk about the real emotional void in this life right now with a man he considers a friend. And that’s great, not only because I like to see depictions of people working through their issues in a thoughtful and constructive way, but also because otherwise he’d be trying to fuck this guy’s dog, or his liver.

Mark Trail, 8/13/18

Guys, I genuinely cannot tell you what the hell’s happening in Mark Trail right now, but it involves Rusty and Mara going to join a tour group at some other temple that’s not the same temple as the creepy and mysterious temple they were at earlier, and then trying and failing to get Becky’s attention. (This is just a side note, but, real talk: I have no idea who Becky is.) Anyway, I’m kind of in awe of today’s strip, which is dedicated entirely to Red-Hot It’s Weird That Becky Couldn’t Hear Us Action, and I hope it’s a setup for a plot where Rusty and Mara have been transported to some spirit realm by the evil forces residing in one or more of these temples, and that they are fated to drift as insubstantial shades through the world, seeing but not being seen, but probably Becky just couldn’t hear them for some reason that’s never going to be explained adequately.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/2/18

Hey, remember when June’s childhood friend, whom she hadn’t seen since actual childhood, just straight-up gave the Morgans her baby because she was dying and had no living relatives, but then it turned out the baby actually had paternal grandparents and June was afraid they’d try to steal their grandchild away from her but it then they ended up apologizing for even implying they might do that and said just wanted to do normal grandparent stuff? Well, good news: the Morgans are using them for free babysitting services while they party in Vegas! All’s well that end’s well for everybody, except for Johnny’s grandfather, who’s going to die of a heart attack within the week.

Shoe, 8/2/18

There are basically two settings for the extremely common Shoe joke format “bird-man engages other bird-man, apparently a stranger or at best a very casual acquaintance, in banter that’s actually a strained setup for today’s punchline”: Roz restaurant counter, which we see here today, and the weird gross fern bar which, unlike most locations in this strip, appears to be inside a building rather than just furniture sitting in the open air on a tree branch. Anyway, I don’t pretend to understand how the location gets chosen for each gag, but I would suggest that today’s strip, in which Shoe initiates conversation with someone he doesn’t know with tales of his extremely dysfunctional romantic relationship, is more a bar strip than a restaurant strip.

The Lockhorns, 8/2/18

There’s a lot here that you could react extremely negatively to — is it really a “film festival” if you’re binge-watching stuff on some streaming service? would it have killed them to look up and use the name of an actual anime series? what the fuck is going on with Leroy’s skull shape, and shouldn’t we at least get a glimpse of his other giant anime eye from this angle? — but instead I’m going to spend the rest of the week thinking about where Leroy would come down on the perennial dubs vs. subs controversy.