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Crock, 5/18/18

Since I started the week saying nice things about some legacy strips, I might as well end it the same way: I genuinely laughed at the intended joke in today’s Crock, of all things. On the unintended humor tip, I like the dark rings around Captain Preppie’s eyes; I’m assuming that’s just supposed to represent how furious he is at the indignities he’s suffering, but it kind of looks like these horny, crazed women have been punching him in the face, the better to strip his clothes off while he’s stunned from their blows.

Mary Worth, 5/18/18

Good news, everybody! Wilbur went to therapy once and now his cancelled column has been restored. I guess good things really do happen when you do the hard work on yourself!

Barney Google and Snuff Smith, 5/18/18

“And my supper! And my lonch tomorrow! And so on for the next several days! The nearest movie theater is a perilous journey, spanning many miles on foot down treacherous unpaved mountain roads!”

Shoe, 5/18/18

But when you ‘buy,’ you should jump right in without asking questions! (The content in today’s Shoe is presented in partnership with the National Automobile Dealers Association.)

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Shoe, 5/12/18

Today’s Shoe is one of those strips that really drives home the care that’s been put into coming up with grotesque chimeric body plans for the strip’s bird-people characters. There’s something in particular about putting clothes on them that drives it home: the Perfesser, in particular, is very obviously not wearing pants, as that would make the fan of tail feathers emerging from his suit jacket impossible; one must assume, in panel one, that his tie, too long for human fashion, is in fact meant to be decorously draped over his bird-junk. His “sexy” interlocutor, in constrast, exhibits a number of mammalian characteristics — not just the hourglass figure, but the long cascade of hair, plus the feminine eyelashes protruding so far from her face that they’re visible when her eyes are not, though their very troubling length seems to imply that they’re fake. Maybe her hair is too! Maybe all the non-bird-features on these creatures are in fact cosmetics or surgical enhancements, adding status in their weird bird society! God, this strip is an endless nightmare.

Mark Trail, 5/12/18

I guess I’ve made my peace with the fact that Mark and Cherry showing off their hot bods is something this strip is going to do from time to time, but I will not sit back and accept the fact that Rusty is ripped. When he looked like Ted Cruz but somehow also handsome that was bad enough, but those pecs? Too far.

Family Circus, 5/12/18

“Instead of a heart, I drew a circle because all our misshapen human organs will be replaced by a powerful, glowing orb when The Change comes!”

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The Lockhorns, 4/21/18

You know, I have this vague idea that the names of foods sometimes have historical or religious meanings embedded in their etymology, so I thought that maybe there was some tenuous connection between martyrs and minestrone soup, but no, it just means, basically, “stuff that’s served” in Italian, so, yeah, this panel is literally just Leroy telling his guests “the meal we’re about to feed you sucks, so I sure hope you get some psychological kick out of suffering,” with no wordplay or jokes of any kind.

Shoe, 4/21/18

Haha, remember blogging? Remember when it was a whole thing, that people talked about and cared about, and it was going to change the world, somehow? Thank goodness those days are over! Thank goodness nobody is left who would think that substituting the word “blog” for other vaguely similar words in common English phrases is something that would be funny at all, or worthy of publication! [aide whispers in ear] Oh no. Oh my god. I’ve just been given some terrible news.