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Archive: Slylock Fox

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Maybe he’s just very sleepy. From all the stalking

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Panel from Slylock Fox, 3/30/25

This is at least the second time that Slylock Fox has proposed the old “one person divides, the other chooses” solution to this kind of dispute, and when the first one was published five years ago I already went on at great length about how I first encountered that idea in T*A*C*K, a sub-Encyclopedia Brown series of distinctly Slylockian “mysteries” for kids. So I guess today I’ll focus on our hapless canine judge. Criminal investigation and prosecution are the flashiest part of the legal system, and the post-human regime has managed to put together semi-functional versions of that, but much of the work of the judiciary involves managing noncriminal disputes between litigants, and we can see that Slylock’s animal civilization has a long way to go in that department. Our boy Sly is using the only tool in his arsenal — ratiocination — and frankly I don’t think it’s really up to the task.

Mary Worth, 3/30/25

“Oh, Belle seems wacky, but kinda fun, ha ha!” is what many of you and frankly I thought when she first appeared. “She definitely won’t start blacking out the eyes of her lover’s daughter in family photos literally minutes after she arrives unannounced at his home, with a sharpie she apparently carries with her specifically for that purpose.” We were fools. Fools! How could we have been so naive?

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/30/25

“When is this boring stalker storyline going to get to the medical content that we expect from medically-themed comic strip Rex Morgan, M.D.?” is the question that’s been on the lips of a lot of people who do not regularly read Rex Morgan, M.D., the comic strip that has a lot less medical content than you’d expect. Anyway, does dying count as medical content? Because our stalker — I assume that’s him, based on his Lincolnian profile — seems to have died in mid-stalk, oops. Well, looks like Summer’s problem is solved, anyway! I guess maybe we should bring Rex in to say a few words about how the stalking lifestyle is unhealthy and then move on.

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Monday is for lovers

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Slylock Fox, 3/17/25

Yeah, we get it, Slylock is engaged in a long-running and very sexy game of cat and mouse fox with Cassandra, of which this is merely the latest episode, and check out her flirtatious body language as she makes her fake phone call from behind the jukebox, but … sorry, I can’t focus, because that muscular android Betty Boop is terrifying. Clearly that’s the sort of femmebot that, if released from its glass prison, would immediately strangle anyone who tried to control it with its surprisingly powerful hands. If Slylock were serious about Cassandra getting her comeuppance, he would simply allow her criminal enterprise to catch up with her, but as noted, this is all elaborate foreplay, so he’ll ensure that the Boop-o-Matic remains safely contained.

Alice, 3/17/25

Speaking of strange romance, we’re getting some lore here on the Alice aliens: they apparently outsource all flirting and sexual interactions to their eyestalks, which nuzzle one another while the main portion of their bodies discuss more intellectual, aesthetic, and philosophical matters. Seems efficient!

Luann, 3/17/25

Big news, everyone! The comic strip Luann launched this day in 1985, and after 40 years and thousands of installments, Luann has finally kissed a boy. Took a while but I think we can finally wrap this thing up!

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Grim Tuesday

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Slylock Fox, 3/4/25

They called Count Weirdly mad at Oxford, of course, and the Medical Sciences Interdivisional Research Ethics Committee repeatedly sanctioned him. But he’s shown them now, or I guess he would have shown them, if they all hadn’t been violently killed in the great animal uprising that wiped out most of the human race. Oxford is run by owls or something these days, but he’d like to think that, if any of his old nemeses were still around, they would understand that in this horrifying new world there just isn’t the luxury to muse on medical ethics the way there used to be. And with so few humans left alive, could anyone really fault him for trying to build a new one, as a friend? It’s not like there’s any shortage of corpses to use as raw materials.

Pardon My Planet, 3/4/25

But … you’re the one buying the pie, cow! I really don’t want to think about why this scenario involves cows wearing shirts and shopping in human grocery stores, or why a cow might assume that products made from cow’s milk can render dishes “sanitary,” and thank goodness that I don’t have to, because I have this basic bit of storybuilding to get hung up on instead. If you think the pie is unsanitary, why are you buying it? You’re standing in the checkout line, there’s nobody else there, you clearly picked it out and are now buying it!

Beetle Bailey, 3/4/25

Beetle is … dead, right? He’s not there, they’re putting a memorial plaque above his bed, he’s clearly dead. RIP Beetle Bailey, 1950-2025, you will be missed, to a certain extent.