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Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/10/20

Oh, hey, remember Red? Red was a guy who tried, in an extremely pathetic and non-threatening way, to mug Jordan and Michelle, but then it turned out he was an old high school classmate of Jordan’s, and was also a veteran suffering from both PTSD and hallucinations brought on by kidney disease, so he was reunited with his family and got a kidney transplant, which was, as I probably don’t have to tell you as it took place in Rex Morgan, M.D., boring. Jordan promised to take Red on as a cook in his new restaurant, and honestly the most interesting thing about the whole story is that Red’s drama somehow took the focus off the fact that Jordan had engaged in a little light stolen valor, so my tenuous hope was that Red and Jordan would start trading some (literal) war stories and this would all come out, but instead there’s just going to be a lot of healthy diet talk, zzzzzzzz.

Funky Winkerbean, 11/10/20

I had assumed Harry had taken up teaching music again because he loved it so much that he couldn’t bear the thought of stepping away forever, despite his hearing loss, but no, it actually appears he’s as miserable about this situation as his poor student is. So is he doing it for … money? Does he need money? Honestly, it’s a real relief to learn that he doesn’t get paid for all the time he spends hanging around Westview High irritating the actual band teacher.

Slylock Fox, 11/10/20

Fellas! Are you looking for a chore to do that will beautify the neighborhood and have the ladies swooning? Think about painting a fence!

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Beetle Bailey, 9/30/20

You’d think that General Halftrack, who has an extremely cushy job and despite his high military rank seems neither to have never been to war himself nor to have ever been burdened with the responsibility of sending others to fight, would sleep easily at night, or, for that matter, in the afternoon. Turns out nope! Turns out his mind is haunted by unimaginable horrors. That’s why he drinks so much, probably!

Slylock Fox, 9/30/20

For too long, the cartoon community has stigmatized people who live on tiny tropical islands as haggard castaways who yearn only to return to civilization — or, worse, are driven insane by their isolation. What about those who like the islet lifestyle, who have perfectly seaworthy rowboats at their disposal and yet still choose to embrace their exile from humanity and enjoy the benefits for an occasional cetacean shower? Finally, they have their own media representation!

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Dick Tracy, 9/17/20

Hmm, I foolishly assumed that the professor that Annie and Honeymoon where going to talk to for their legitimate newspaper article about vampires would be in, like, the Comp Lit department, with a research speciality in Balkan folklore. But no, I guess he’s a biologist, and I sort of feel like someone should point out to him that his vampire apparatus, while innovative, seems more like a mechanical engineering project. He might give you a long transhumanist speech about how man and machine are becoming more and more aligned all the time, or he might just say “Look, if you have a better way to get a lot of blood out of a young woman very quickly — for, uh, research purposes — I’d like to hear about it.”

Slylock Fox, 9/17/20

In the first panel, the castaway is planning to eat the bird. In the second, he’s planning on making love to it.