Archive: Suburban Fairy Tales

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Suburban Fairy Tales, 4/9/25

I made a fairly embarrassing error in my post about Suburban Fairy Tales a couple days ago, in which I implied that the second little pig built his house out of straw, when any idiot knows that that was the first little pig’s thing, and the second little pig built his out of wood, which is a more normal way to do it but apparently still leaves you vulnerable to wolves. Anyway, this has me really second-guessing myself when it comes to fairy tale lore; like, I don’t think there’s a beloved hippie sheep character named “Sir Lambelot” that we all learned about from bedtime stories growing up, but can I really be trusted about this sort of thing anymore?

Herb and Jamaal, 4/9/25

It’s true, Jamaal: when assessing the viability of a business plan, you need to take into account the price of production inputs! Not sure if that’s “funny” per se, but at least it’s educational.

Dennis the Menace, 4/9/25

So Dennis thinks that chairs, and maybe other pieces of furniture, are weird fucked-up-shaped animals, that we kill and then sit on? And most but not all of them are vertebrates? Pretty menacing. Ignorant, but also so unsettling as to be pretty darn menacing.

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Hi and Lois, 4/7/25

Ah hell yeah, Hi and Lois is at it again, with “it” being a mostly punchline-free strip about the formless but omnipresent disquiet in the Flagston household. Hi isn’t sure what haunts him but he’s definitely haunted. Even while he sleeps! It never lets up!

Dustin, 4/7/25

Dustin’s dad is over at the opposite, more depressive end of the axis from Hi, and it couldn’t happen to a nicer guy, frankly. Sure, he wants for nothing, but he’s got a dark hole at the heart of him that he can’t ever fill. That doesn’t mean he won’t try! If donuts can’t do it, maybe yelling at Dustin can!

Suburban Fairy Tales, 4/7/25

I don’t talk about this one much but I thought you’d be interested in knowing that the second little pig just got hit by a car and died. He fucking died. RIP second little pig, [comic doesn’t have Wikipedia article — try to figure out when it started publishing]-2025, you taught me that it was OK to be weird a bad idea to build a house out of straw.

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Suburban Fairy Tales, 12/9/24

I was going to give you the deep lore behind today’s strip but I think it’s pretty obvious from context, right? Third little pig and lady wolf are in an unconventional species-crossing relationship, pig’s mom doesn’t approve, yadda yadda yadda, you get it. It’s an allegorical tale about the dangers of prejudice, except the she-wolf is clearly contemplating killing and eating the mom pig in the panel three, so honestly maybe it’s an allegorical tale about the dangers of not being prejudiced enough.

Rhymes With Orange, 12/9/24

Snakes are obligate carnivores and any snake of that size is going to primarily eat mice, so I’m really curious about the legal situation here. Is the snake on trial for murder? Surely a member of any species that exclusively eats mice would, in a civilization where mice have legal rights, immediately become an outlaw and face extermination, right? On the other hand, maybe this is a legal system like the ancient Norse one, where harms are weighed and fines assessed based on the varying social positions of the interested parties. In such a case, it makes sense to have a judge from a completely different phylum from either of the parties to the case, and they should be willing to put up with a bit of delay in return for his objectivity.

Hi and Lois, 12/9/24

Yes, by saying that he wanted to watch something other than what his mother and sister were watching, Ditto hoped his mother would give him permission to go to his parents’ bedroom, so he could watch the thing he wanted to watch. I know I can’t shut up about the new post-punchline Hi and Lois being good, but I do feel like I need a little more to work with than this.