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Tina’s Groove, 5/8/24

So Tina’s Groove is one of the “new” comics I’ve been reading lately, though in the interest of total accuracy I should note that these strips aren’t new at all, seeing as Tina’s Groove stopped publishing in 2017 and a cursory glance at the copyright date would reveal that this strip in particular is 15 years old. But who cares! I still hate on Crock despite it being in perpetual reruns, because the people want my opinions [note to self: double-check on this] and anyway, the origin of this site was me making fun of whatever happened to be in the paper’s comics section that day, and now we’re just letting “King Features’ Comics Kingdom website” stand in for “the paper” in a transition that definitely explains why the economics of journalism are in total freefall.

Anyway, a fun thing about these older strips is seeing that even in fairly recent history some terms we take for granted had not quite gelled. Was there really a time, when this blog was already a going concern making jokes about how Dr. Jeff’s daughter accidentally fell for a bigamist, when people were calling fist bumps “knuckle bumping”? Or was Tina’s Groove just extremely unhip? I’ll just say that it could’ve gone worse.

Gasoline Alley,5/8/24

Speaking of linguistic evolution and being extremely unhip, has there ever been a worse rebranding in history than Twitter becoming “X”? This is a name that literally nobody uses in real life, and I speak as someone hopelessly addicted to the site (they briefly banned me for no reason I could ever establish, then decided that the harshest punishment they could give me was to let me back on). Basically the only people who ever use the “real” name are publications that feel like they have to and people trying to ingratiate themselves with Elon Musk. I honestly feel like getting Gasoline Alley to use it is a real coup, and I think they could’ve dispensed with the “formerly known as Twitter” bit because it’s not like the strip readership has ever heard of it. They already started panicking when they read the word “internet”!

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Dennis the Menace, 3/22/24

The most menaced person here is the guy in the background, who spent all day hand-painting this snazzy retro “Information” sign and was just about to proudly show it off to his boss. You just know she’s going to be like “Enh, the kid’s right, maybe it’s a little much.”

Tina’s Groove, 3/22/24

Diving into the world of Tina’s Groove, I’m finding that it’s not just about Tina’s friend, who’s an alcoholic, but actually about alcoholics in general.

Mary Worth, 3/22/24

Jeff, Mary, I can assure you pretty firmly that Gandhi and Desmond Tutu did not have a comfortable retired couple looking out at the moonlit ocean from the boardwalk of their exclusive beachside community in mind when they said these things. I implore you to research what they were actually talking about! You’ve got the free time!

Beetle Bailey, 3/22/24

“He’s super dead. We’re free, Killer! Free!”

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Tina’s Groove, 3/19/24

Tina’s Groove is another new strip I’m getting into! Tina is a waitress and is friends with the other folks at the restaurant where she works, including the cook, who is … an alcoholic? That’s definitely what’s going on here, right? Anyway, let’s bring on the laffs!

The Phantom, 3/19/24

Huh, so I guess this Phantom arc is going to be about how the kids today are all on their phones, and that’s why you can’t get good henchmen help these days. Well, did you ever consider that henchmen are bad so it’s actually good that the Zoomers are bad henchmen? Look how much time this guy being on his phone has saved the Phantom! Even his dumb Zoomer son is up to speed!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/19/24

OK, I’ve come around on this plot, which has genuinely made the terrifying ordeal of aging into a nonstop thrill ride, where your biggest opponent is your own refusal to acknowledge that you need mobility assistance. Will the Count be able to steady himself after a few minutes of leaning on that table? Will this elderly cowboy convince him that the next time he wanders away from his station to go take a leak, he should take his cane with him? Tune in tomorrow, or possibly several weeks from now, to find out!

Mary Worth, 3/19/24

Oh, sorry, do you not want to hear Mary go on and on about her neighbor, Keith Hillend anymore? Well, what if we spend a whole week where Mary and Jeff talk about how their relationship is comforting but not flashy, like an old shoe? You’ll beg for more Keith content by Thursday, and for death by Saturday.