Post Content

Dennis the Menace, 1/7/18

One of the anecdotes my wife and I repeat to each other endlessly comes from years ago, when we were driving through Pennsylvania and stopped, as was our habit, at Clyde Peeling’s Reptile Land, where we never paid to actually see the animals but took advantage of the Subway, bathrooms, and gift shop anyway. On this trip there was this very sullen-looking little boy, maybe seven or eight years old, wandering through the store, and then his mother came up to him, and said to him, with a voice that was trembling and almost fearful, “Look, it’s a book about dinosaurs! You love dinosaurs!” He squinted at her, and then, with a voice loaded with contempt, said, “I don’t read,” and then walked away, leaving her standing there with the book.

This is, of course, a horror story about our society’s coming decline into idiocracy, but I’d like to imagine that maybe there was some comeuppance in store for the kid, like the one Dennis is experiencing here. Maybe there’ll be a horrified realization, once it’s too late, that a generation that refuses to read will be followed by a generation that couldn’t read even if it wanted to.

Hi and Lois, 1/7/18

Here’s another story for you about illiteracy that I love, although I’m not personally involved in this one because most of it took place decades or millennia ago. Once upon a time, there were a bunch of clay tablets dug up in Greece with an alphabet on them nobody could read. Archaeologists called the script Linear B (because it was clearly related to Linear A, another alphabet nobody could read), and various dating techniques pegged those tablets as being from between 1400 and 1250 BC. The first written material in Greek doesn’t appear until the 770s BC, and the Greeks themselves had legends of other people who lived in Greece before them, so the assumption was that Linear B was those people’s vanished language. And what’s more romantic than a vanished language? Think of all the mysterious culture locked in those tablets — the poetry, the histories, the odes to forgotten gods — tantalizingly right in front of us, and yet indecipherable.

In the 1950s, though, some British classicists figured out that Linear B (though not Linear A, which is still undeciphered) was in fact Greek after all, an earlier form of the Greek language written using a clumsily adapted syllabary system that was unrelated to the Greek alphabet that emerged centuries later. And what, after this breakthrough, did those tablets turn out to be telling us? There were no poems or tales of dead heroes at all. The tablets consisted entirely of administrative records for the palaces where they were found, keeping track of how much grain, wool, sheep, and wine had been extracted from the peasantry and handed over to the army and the temples. Some royal accountants had apparently got wind from some other culture of the idea that you could record words by making marks in clay and realized that would make their jobs loads easier, but they hadn’t bothered to sell anyone else on the concept. Or maybe they tried but nobody — not the priests, not the poets, not the kings — saw the point in it.

And in the middle of the 1200s, this whole early Greek civilization went up in flames — literally, all the palaces were burned down in a relatively short timeframe. The fires hardened the clay tablets stored in the palace basements, which is why we have so many of them; after the culture collapsed, nobody wrote anything in Linear B anymore, because there were no more kings to take stuff from the peasants and give it to the soldiers and priests.

To us, a societal loss of literacy is a terrifying thought. But to those ancient Greek farmers, none of whom had been able to read in the first place, it must have been liberating. Maybe Chip and his girlfriend are seeing the possible anarchic paradise that Joey has to look forward to. Everywhere they go, writing is the means by which an omnipresent state imposes its will on everyday behavior. But Joey? Joey can do whatever he wants. He doesn’t know any better, and that’s the purest freedom of all.

Post Content

Mark Trail, 1/6/18

Oh my God, in order to convince Rusty’s teacher (side note: Rusty goes to “school,” I guess?) to let him have time off to go to Mexico with his adoptive parents, Cherry had to pimp out her own father to the lonely, horny schoolmarm. Mark is bug-eyed in horror in panel two: one of his family is actually going to have to do sex with another human! Sure, Rusty is finally going to get to go fishing — but at what cost?

Spider-Man, 1/6/18

Ah, yes, threatening a hospital orderly, those notoriously overpaid and underworked health care functionaries, with physical violence unless your personal friend is given special treatment, and then looking on in satisfaction as he simpers with fear of your freakish, superhuman strength and does your bidding: truly the mark of a hero!

Post Content

Hello everybody! It’s the first Friday of the month, so you should come to my live comedy show, The Internet Read Aloud, if you’re anywhere near Los Angeles tonight! I don’t like to spoil the surprises, but allow me to whisper onto the wind the phrase “bitcoin failures!”

Here’s the Facebook event with all the relevant info!

And now, here’s the always relevant comment of the week!

“The point of AA is to stop drinking with the help of a higher power, not in defiance of it.” –grsblvnyk

And the very funny runners up!

“Look, Honey, I’m Ugly Crystal! Ugly Crystal! It’s not much, but at least it’s an identity. Don’t take that away from me. It’s literally the only thing I have.” –Joe Blevins

“In a refrigerator you can find dead birds without feathers or even skin, cold as ice. Are we having a glimpse into the Perfesser’s dark fantasies?” –Ettore

“Gil scowls grimly and says, ‘Gary is pushing your son toward music,’ much as if he were saying, ‘Gary is pushing your son toward heroin.’ Really, Gil, what do you have against music? I suppose classical music is too artsy-fartsy and feminine, whereas jazz and rock lead to depraved activities such as s-x. It’s much better for a teenager to stick with activities that lead to healthy, masculine concussions.” –jana_ch

“We don’t want specialization. In fact, we’re getting rid of naming the positions like ‘center’, ‘power forward’ and all of that. We are going to train the kids to swarm the ball and score when they can. Classical economics dictates that everyone acting in their own self interest brings a greater result for the whole, right? Well, it’s a whole lot easier to coach that way, so I’m certainly acting in my own self interest.” –Hogenmogen

“I hope that comical spring noise accompanies Spider-Man on his entire parkour-run to the hospital.” –TheDiva

“When you have a patient with a gaping wound, it’s always wise to SPROINNGG him for miles to the hospital! It saves so much in costs on any further medical treatment.” –seismic-2

“The only thing that can bring joy into pluggers’ blighted lives is the memory of past cruelties they inflicted on others.” –Peanut Gallery

“I assume Mark’s referring there to famed archaeologist Howard Carter, and ‘old’ refers not to the length of their friendship but rather the fact that Carter was born in 1874.” –Truckosaurus

I’m beginning to think true love is a myth, at least for me! It’s like, you cheat on one lousy girlfriend, and suddenly the fates inexplicably conspire to make her no longer want to be with you! I must be cursed.” –Dan

“We can all sympathize with the difficulty of finding high-quality journalism to masturbate to.” –Spunky the Wonder Squid

“Sure, he kisses the oven mitt, then fucks the pork roast. All about balance!” –pugfuggly

When Good Food Goes Bad tells the tragic story of various meat birds in the Shoeverse and their increasing violent attempts to escape their fates. The Perfesser is right to be depressed.” –Voshkod

“It’s remarkable how Blondie can cook an entire roast in a kitchen with no countertops, cabinets, or sink, but still a little weird that she’s serving it on a tiny table with just one chair. Dagwood must be so grateful because he’s about to devour 10 pounds of beef by himself, while the rest of the family watches in amazement.” –BigTed

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.

About this Post

Comments are closed.