Post Content

Let’s jump right into this week’s COTW, y’all!

“Who’s eating arepas & bandeja paisa?/ And thinks this chica quiere bailar?/ Who’s gonna be a drug lord’s hostage?/ Everyone knows it’s Wilbur! [To the tune of The Association’s ‘Windy,’ of course.]” –Janna, on Twitter

The runners up are also hilarious!

“His rule for surviving prison seems to be: Say every last thought that comes into your head. There are no exceptions to this rule.” –Joe Blevins

“Of course, when your mom and I were young and we used to have threesomes, that was the original ‘Dagwood sandwich.’ True story! Wait, son, come back — this is your ‘birds and bees and sandwiches’ talk. Don’t you want to hear where I hid the salami? No, you can’t call Child Protective Services about this — you’re, like, 83!” –BigTed

“That looks like an outtake from a trial-run Seinfeld newspaper strip from 1996.” –the phantom king, on Twitter

“And by ‘the holidays,’ I mean Christmas. Because let’s face it, Halloween is Satanic and Thanksgiving is a colonialist charade.” –Peanut Gallery

“‘Even you have to admit, Dad, that God is quite an artist,’ Pam said, standing in front of a solid azure background decorated with lazy cross-hatching.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“You know, while people make a big deal about Mark Trail’s fist of justice, one cannot underestimate his ability to bore people to death.” –Dood

“Welp, you referred to Mark as ‘Trail.’ Get ready for a vortex of fists, Baldy.” –Kevin On Earth

“If Rick Soto wants to be a dreamy pop singer, he’s gonna need some fine tuning on that nose.” –Rusty

“Although, to be honest, ‘scheme to defraud the customer out of $100’ is probably the most common way the Blondie core reader demographic acquires apps.” –Brian M

“I’m really sorry that we don’t get to see the image of Rick Soto singing earnestly into a spoon in the middle of what looks like the observation deck at the CN tower, I guess?” –pugfuggly

“The stripes on Judge Parker (Senior)’s head are just so perfect. He looks like a tube of Aquafresh toothpaste. You just want to squeeze him until all his hair extrudes, black and white stripes, a majestic zebra mane. And then just keep squeezing him until he shuts up and goes away forever.” –Voshkod

“I can almost believe in the pairing of Fabianna and Wilbur, but I cannot accept the inattention to detail. Forthwith: a) Fabianna has ‘jiggle’ lines drawn around all the body parts that can possibly jiggle except for her breasts and b) it’s totally unrealistic for Wilbur NOT to be looking at her breasts (especially when she has thrown her head back (in ecstacy?) and he would not have to worry about her noticing he is looking at her breasts). If I can’t believe in Fabianna’s breasts, what can I believe in?” –The Mighty Captain E

“Cayla wears number 143 because that’s her place on Les’s list of priorities.” –Little Blue Bicycle

“Choose wisely, Jeffy. ‘Son of Barfy’ would be a ridiculous serial killer name. You want headlines you won’t be embarrassed to paste in your scrapbook.” –Charles Nelson,Really!

“You gotta admit, that’s a lot of headflesh between Jeffy’s frontal cortex and his hands, so it’s understandable that some signals might get a little backed up.” –Vulcan With a Mullet

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! And as ever, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Two Party Opera: A daily comic that features the Presidents of the United States as they live on the stage of history with the day-to-day news of political mudslinging.
• Oh hey, and don’t forget, I wrote a book! You can get it in hardcover, paperback or ebook forms. It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy.

If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.

Post Content

Family Circus, 10/13/17

Man, I almost resent how blatantly the “Jeffy will someday experience a psychotic break in which his mind will beg his hands to stop the killing, but they won’t listen” joke is being lobbed my way here, but, whatever: this is what Jeffy’s going to say to the cops in 20 years after he strangles a bunch of people, probably.

Funky Winkerbean, 10/13/17

“I didn’t, though! I died! Of cancer! Don’t forget me, damn it! Don’t forget me or I’ll haunt the shit out of you”

Pluggers, 10/13/17

You’re a plugger if your body is already starting to mold itself to fit perfectly into the piece of furniture where you’re going to die.

Post Content

Judge Parker, 10/12/17

Let’s check in to see what’s up in Judge Parker, and … oh, whoops, everyone’s miserable. All their wives are in prison, or just straight up leaving them because they were a big secret-keeper about secret grandchildren and such. How strange and awful it must be for these characters, so coddled under the Woody Wilson regime, handed checks and approbation at every turn, to endure the suffering being dished out by their new Dark Lord and Master, Ces Marciuliano, which will presumably continue until the cosmic scales of karma are realigned! Look at Judge Parker Senior frowning! Did he even know what a frown was, before? Did his cheek-flesh crack as it entered a configuration entirely new to it?

Gil Thorp, 10/12/17

OK, fine, the Gil Thorp creative team really can name a specific Ed Sheeran song. Anyway, why is Rick Soto so grimly determined to resist his destiny as a teen musical sensation? Is it because of his heavy investment in violent American-style masculinity? Does he think that bashing his brain into putty makes him more of a man than being a crooner does, despite the clear evidence that belting out tunes gets all the young ladies hot and bothered?

Mary Worth, 10/12/17

I’ve been writing this blog for more than 13 years now. Some of you have been with me almost that whole time; but some of you have only recently stumbled upon this site, and you may still be wondering “what’s this thing all about, man?” Well, let me tell you: if the sight of an exasperated Colombian shouting “Señor Wilbur, you have to move too!” at Wilbur as he stands absolutely still while leaning on his prancing, jiggling girlfriend floods your brain with the kind of dopamine rush most people associate with the deepest kind of love, or maybe cocaine, then you and I are on the same wavelength, my friend.