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Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/29/16

FYI, guys, Rex Morgan, M.D., isn’t just about people giving Rex and his family money. It’s also sometimes about wacky old people! Like remember when a pair of demented seniors wandered away from a nursing home and made a small-time drug dealer’s life miserable? Or when an elderly brother-sister pair won the lottery, with hilarious results? Anyway, it looks like Rex has finally been bullied into buying that house in town, and sure, it’s in the leafy, huge-mansion part of town, but it’s also in the cranky, argumentative old people part of town! The next few days should give us plenty of the great Grimacing Rex Reaction Shots I crave.

Mary Worth, 2/29/16

[Mary Worth at the airport newsstand]: “People? Oh, my, dear, between you and me, it’s very difficult to keep up with multiple celebrities these days. Who has the time, really? No, one copy of Person, please.”

Hi and Lois, 2/29/16

I mean, you don’t want to do it so often that it becomes Funky Winkerbean-esque self parody, but if you want to end your gag-a-day strip once in a while with a son snidely reminding his father about the grim banality of his adult life, and the father just stares sullenly into space with his arms crossed across his chest, I’m not going to complain.

Marvin, 2/29/16

“I pee on it! I pee all over my phone! My phone is covered in urine. I’m a baby, but I’m depicted as having adult-level cognitive abilities, and, for some reason, I own a mobile phone, but I still pee and poop in my pants!”

Shoe, 2/29/16

“Ha ha, get it? Because of the ice cream flavor? Anyway, the actual story is that I was very drunk.”

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Panel from Slylock Fox, 2/28/16

Let’s ignore this cute little geometry puzzle and focus on what Sly and Max are bringing with them to their “lakeside crime case.” A fishing pole? A ukelele? My guess is that the amount of “crime solving” they’re planning on doing up there is pretty minimal, but you can be sure that they’ll be charging all their expenses to whatever secret police service they work for.

Six Chix, 2/28/16

I’m glad to see that, while one worm has been anthropomorphized, the rest are depicted realistically, which is to say as a writhing mass of living tissue out of your most horrifying nightmares that serves as a prime example why we must all live in clean, sterile habitats shot into space.

Momma, 2/28/16

Today’s Momma is a cute, wordless vignette about that time Francis tried to go skiing and ended up freezing to death!

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Funky Winkerbean, 2/27/16

Speaking of the Funkyverse’s transparent hatred for young people, the young people of Funky Winkerbean who work on the school newspaper/TV station are flagrantly violating ethics in high school journalism by picking a new staffer solely for his access to review copies of publications that their readers would probably enjoy seeing reviewed. Anyway, this is supposed to show that teens are terrible, I guess, but Les literally cringing in disgust in panel two is a delight for all Funky Winkerbean readers who hate Les (i.e., all Funky Winkerbean readers), which I think undercuts the message a little bit.

The Phantom, 2/27/16

I don’t have the time or energy to bring you up to speed on the political intrigue in process here, but I don’t think I need to in order for you to enjoy the phrase “Girok, you fool! We’re planning a revolution! Pick up!” Sure, Girok’s been knocked unconscious by the Ghost Who Opposes The Revolutionary Vanguard, but even if he hadn’t been, who makes phone calls any more, you know? Just send a text like a normal person, dude.