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GUYS, right now, as we speak, the happy elves at Make That Thing! are putting copies of my novel The Enthusiast into envelopes and mailing them to you, assuming you backed the Kickstarter and replied to the survey in time! And once they’re done with that (which should be … by Tuesday?) they will put up a store where you (assuming you didn’t back the Kickstarter, or maybe you did and just want more copies) can buy said book! Many copies, for you and all your friends. (And all the e-books will go out to backers and also go on sale at that time, so don’t panic, e-book aficionados.) BUT ANYWAY, if by chance you are in the Los Angeles area and don’t wait to wait for the U.S. mail and such, you can come to my book launch party on Tuesday at the Los Angeles County Store in Silver Lake!

You can buy hardcover or softcover books at the store, and I’ll sign ’em! Plus we’re all literally going out for (non-Montoni’s) pizza afterwards! Come, enjoy, etc.! Look, here’s proof that the books exist:

OK, with that out of the way, let’s enjoy your delightful comment of the week.

“‘What about knitting, painting, and gardening?’ ‘Those aren’t hobbies. They create something of practical or aesthetic value. TRUE hobbies don’t produce anything of interest to others.’ ‘What about stamp, coin, and baseball card collecting?’ ‘All collecting is a form of scrapbooking.’ ‘But–‘ ‘ALL IS SCRAPBOOKING!'” –Wonkey the Monkey

Our runners up are also hilarious!

“They don’t have a bank branch office at their house?” –Hamish Mack, on Facebook

“My second favourite part is that the teacher is wearing a lab coat to tell those awful jokes, ostensibly to teach astronomy. It’s probably the only way his students know he’s their science teacher.” –pugfuggly

“You know, if you read today’s Judge Parker as if it’s Sam giving Neddy advice on the sex she’s going to have with hardhat-guy, it makes just as much sense.” –dmsilev

‘Okay gang.’ ‘Thinking caps.’ A joke about bars. A joke about military rank. A joke about honoring the military. The funny name of a constellation. A pun. Remember, Funky Winkerbean is a reality-based comic strip that depicts contemporary issues affecting young adults in a thought-provoking and sensitive manner.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Wait, you think she’s going to get some kind of citation? I just assumed the police cruiser was the head of the motorcade for the Publisher’s Clearinghouse Prize Patrol.” –James Dowd, on Facebook

“How can Beetle sleep so much and how can Sarge be awake so much? The answer to both questions is head trauma.” –A Concerned Reader

“The good news is, when Guran finally gets fed up being the Man Friday to the resident Mighty Whitey and takes an IT job in the States, he’s got the wardrobe for it.” –TheDiva

‘Dating girls!’ Tell me about it, Momma. We all lost money on that bet.” –Doctor Handsome

“We see that modern-day schoolchildren have not heard of the most important American novels but are familiar with old-time fiddle tunes. Remember, children are America’s future. Sell all your savings bonds, is what I’m saying.” –seismic-2

“I would love nothing more than for Gasoline Alley to become for scrapbooking what Mark Trail is for wildlife. Forever.” –Matt Algren, on Facebook

“This scrapbooking lecture in Gasoline Alley is officially so boring that the kids are super-evolving in a desperate attempt to survive. That boy is turning into some sort of mole, in order to burrow out of the room presumably. God knows what kind of menagerie they’ll end up with when or if she ever shuts up.” –C. Sandy Cyst

“The common cartoon technique of silhouetting in the final panel is used here to show the negative, like what you’d see on a roll of film, coincidentally developed by George Eastman! Ha! Or, even the artist wanted to show how Boog is a blackened demon from hell with BOOG in blazing blood red across his chest and soulless white holes for eyes and a white hot flame from the mouth of this monstrosity masquerading as a belligerent little tyke.” –hogenmogen

“Colin has achieved internet stardom for a cheesy rap video? Good thing his dad is friends with 1980s Quincy Jones.” –Tonya

“I wonder why the actual happy couple would be in so much stress to find their marriage license. Do they need to register at a hotel in 1955? Or are they looking for loopholes?” –lumaca morente

“Jeffy is going to be very disappointed when he finds out what happened to the last Messiah.” –Comrade Dread

“What scares me about today’s Heathcliff is not the quantity of female cats, but the apparent qualities of said cats. Apart from fur color, they all appear to be exactly the same. So, Heathcliff’s not a racist, but he might be running an illegal clone harem.” –Voshkod

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

  • Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

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Family Circus, 12/11/15

Wow, Billy’s crass holiday greed seems positively charming now, doesn’t it? “Oh, come let us adore me,” sings Jeffy, “for I am the mashiach, the anointed one foretold in prophecy. I am the Christ. Come adore me. WORSHIP ME. WORSHIP ME. I AM YOUR LORD GOD JEFFY AND I GROW DISPLEASED.”

Heathcliff, 12/11/15

I mean, I guess if you’re going to engage in a massive orgy, you’re going to want to use a pagan fertility symbol to justify your actions.

Blondie, 12/11/15

I like the idea of poor Bernie, sitting alone in his studio apartment on Christmas Eve, thinking that he might not have any family, he might not have a hearth to call his own, but nevertheless he knows that somewhere, across town, Santa is coming — with presents for him.

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Mary Worth, 12/10/15

Sorry I haven’t been keeping you up to date on Mary and Olive’s Manhattan tourism adventures. At the moment, they’re taking in the smash Broadway musica Matilda, based on the beloved Roald Dahl book, about a little girl with the ability to move objects with her mind, and … say, Mary, what are you on about here, exactly? So far, Olive’s unusual powers have been somewhat passive in nature: angelic visions, premonitions of danger, that sort of thing. But soon her powers will be turned outwards. Soon, all of us will wish we never heard the name “Olive” — and Mary will be there, each step of the way, pulling the strings.

Dennis the Menace, 12/10/15

Like many people throughout the ages who have encountered evil that they’re unable or unwilling to stop, Mr. Wilson is finding comfort in the idea of a supernatural being in charge of a system of rewards and punishments.

Gasoline Alley, 12/10/15

Say what you will about Gasoline Alley’s current bizarre fixation on scrapbooking, but this is the fifth time in two weeks I’ve featured the strip here, which is more attention I’ve paid to this feature since Slim tried to ethnically cleanse his neighborhood with a meteorite back in aught-seven. Anyway, today’s baffling detail is the WFW, which doesn’t seem to be an abbreviation for any particular sports league. Potential definitions offered by Wikipedia and Urban Dictionary seem unlikely, though hilarious.

Momma, 12/10/15

That is not Thomas and Tina

That is Francis and MaryLou, and they are not married, they are brother and sister

Exactly what kind of sick incest roleplay is happening here