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Apartment 3-G, 11/22/15

WAITAMINUTE, HOLD UP, IT’S AFTER THE PROMISED NOVEMBER 21ST DATE AND APARTMENT 3-G IS STILL HERE? I’m assuming that this is the typical Sunday summary, giving readers a condensed version of the same weird, confusing, passive-aggressive not-conclusion that we saw in the daily strip. But wouldn’t it be funny, and in keeping with the shambolic vibe of this strip over the past couple of years, if they just sort of forgot to end it, and it was going to lurch on forever, unsupervised and out of control?

Anyway, I might as well take this opportunity to give Apartment 3-G a little send-off. I don’t think it’s a secret that it’s always been one of my favorites. On the control panel for my blog, I can sort all the strips I cover by the number of posts they appear in, which makes my preferences pretty clear:

It’s going to take a long time to displace Apartment 3-G from its number two spot. The strip’s quality might have fallen a lot from its glory days, but for most of the last decade it’s been a fun, frothy strip with a great three-cornered dynamic among the leads that I’ve enjoyed poking fun at and also genuinely, actually enjoyed. (Also, sorry to use this encomium to build buzz for myself, but the strip inspired one of the major plotlines in my novel, so it’s sad that the girls won’t live until publication day.)

I’m not sure if we’re ever going to learn what went so weird about over the last couple of years, but it’s bummed me out, and it’s bummed me out that a strip with such potential to be genuinely and unironically rebooted (I’ve said it a million times, but: A CONTINUITY STRIP ABOUT THREE LATE 20s/EARLY 30s PROFESSIONAL WOMEN LIVING IN NEW YORK, WRITTEN AND/OR DRAWN BY ACTUAL YOUNG WOMEN LIVING IN A BIG CITY, WOULD DO WELL) is just being put to bed instead. If you’re a comics big-shot, please contact King Features and see if they’ll part with the intellectual property. Until then I will pour one out for Margo, and for Lu Ann and Tommie, despite the fact that they haven’t appeared in the strip for a while now. I’m gonna miss these gals a lot.

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Blondie, 11/21/15

Whenever I see a face in the comics that looks more face-like than the usual stylized conventions of whatever strip it’s in, I immediately assume it’s supposed to be a real person. Because I am vaguely attuned to pop culture but mostly an increasingly out-of-touch middle-aged man, my first thought about today’s Blondie was, “Wait, is what’s-her-name getting married? From The Hills?” Turns out no, she’s having a baby, and it’s spelled with an “i” anyway. So who’s this lady supposed to be, do you think? Someone who won a contest, or lost a bet?

Mary Worth, 11/21/15

“Serendipity” is a real restaurant in Manhattan that exists, and does indeed seem to have a hardcore tchotchke clutter aesthetic, so, kudos to Mary Worth for accuracy, I guess? Also, I honestly can’t stop thinking about my new theory that what we see in Mary Worth is in fact Mary’s own version of events, as told to someone else later. What I’m trying to say is that the dialogue here sounds like Mary’s rationale for kidnapping Olive away from people who “don’t make her feel good” because they “don’t understand her” (i.e., her parents).

Apartment 3-G, 11/21/15

“SO SMILE MARGO, AND MOVE ON”: THE LAST WORDS SPOKEN IN APARTMENT 3-G

EXCUSE ME, I HAVE SOMETHING IN MY EYE

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Hey guys, here’s your week’s top comment:

“‘I’ve got it right here in my hand — it’s a invisible sandwich I made just for you! Can you see it Olive? Do you want it Olive? DO YOU OLIVE?!’ [Shoves it in her face, howling like a witch]” –Tigernan Douglas Quinn, on Facebook

And here are your very funny runners up!

“Mary is clearly tipping the cabbie with a candy bar.” –lumaca morente

“‘Sorry scientists, there’s no way to find the snowmobile-riding robber,’ Slylock says, as a snowmobile parks 10 metres away from him and its driver takes shelter in the igloo right under his nose. ‘Absolutely impossible.’ No wonder the willful murder of presumably-intelligent, certainly-distressed fish taking place right behind him is going totally unnoticed.” –Schroduck

“Considering that Mary’s outside and the only thing she’s ‘downstairs’ from is the sky, I have to conclude she’s calling God right now. ‘Hi, it’s Mary! I’m downstairs! That’s right, just wanted to remind you I’m still here! Ciao, motherfucker.'” –Jack loves comics

“The panel of Mary saying ‘THANK YOU!’ needs to be applied under signs reading ‘PLEASE FLUSH THE TOILET BEFORE LEAVING THE RESTROOM!'” –made of wince

“I stopped reading halfway through the first Rex Morgan line, rendering it ‘Milton calls for a vote on Hugh’s deal and all.’ Like, yeah, what even IS Hugh’s deal and all? Raise your hand if you think Hugh’s deal and all is just so totally whatever!” –Hth

“I love the unconscious bad guy’s face in panel 1. The blank eyes rolling into the back of his head will absolutely not haunt my dreams tonight.” –hogenmogen

“And speaking of hot spots … step on over to our conversation pit, where Ed and I often engage in the most scintillating and provocative conversations, usually about sweaters.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“As this long-running strip shuffles into the twilight, focus on resolving various narratives is misplaced. This week, we’re saying goodbye to the important characters: the weird squiggle painting, the fern, heavy drapes, tall dressers with books on top, the table lamps. (The bottom half of the humans have long since departed and will never been seen again.)” –pastordan

“Yes, Mary, it sure is nice when things are convenient, rather than inconvenient. You know what else is convenient, Mary? Hotels. New York — and I’m not sure if you heard this — has, like, a bunch of them.” –Joe Blevins

“A trip to the Big Apple isn’t complete without sampling its world renowned snacks, walking down notable streets, and purchasing goods from a well-known merchant. Who knows? You might bump into someone from show-biz!” –Tonya

“Boog and Slim, huh? In the wide Venn diagram between Gasoline Alley and HBO’s The Wire, there does exist a small common area in nicknames. That, and an unending sense of despair.” –pugfuggly

(And here I must interrupt because a certain somebody tipped me off that faithful reader pugfuggly defended his PhD thesis today, so let’s wish him well! He’s been called ugly, pug ugly, fugly, pug fugly, now finally he’s Dr. Pugfuggly.)

“‘Mom, what’s a TV?’ ‘It’s like a giant one-way phone, dear.'” –Chyron HR

“Daisy knows what’s up. She interrupts her nap long enough to give a knowing look to the audience that says ‘if that kid doesn’t keep her mouth shut, she’ll blink us all out of existence.'” –The Might Untrained FOOZLE

“Momma talks about her ‘grown son,’ which implies that somewhere she has ungrown sons, perhaps in a dimly-lit chamber of biological horrors. That’s the room you need to lock from the outside, Momma.” –Voshkod

“From death’s door to rejecting suitors and sneering at her mother in a matter of days. Surely this should land her on the cover of The New England Journal of Medicine.” –maltmash3r

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

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