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Apartment 3-G, 3/24/15

It’s true, Lu Ann has been single for a long time! I literally can’t remember the last Lu Ann-focused romantic subplot. She hasn’t had an in-strip boyfriend since, um, Paul the piano mover, who proposed to her on the tenth anniversary of 9/11, I think? (She eventually broke up with him. It turned out burning jet fuel couldn’t melt … her heart.) Anyway, I’m all for not making people feel bad or defective just because they’re single — many people prefer it! — but declaring loudly “I’m my own person!” is a good way for people to treat you like you’re twelve, probably. Not that Martin needs much incentive to condescend! “Aww, I’m glad you’re keeping busy with your little projects! I’ll think of your aching loneliness every time I spread your sadness-jam on toast.”

Pluggers, 3/24/15

I have a hearing aid and my audiologist told me that people with partners are much more likely to get them, for precisely this reason! Not pluggers, though. Pluggers just grouchily tell their spouses that “there’s nothing wrong with me” and “maybe you should stop mumbling so much” until eventually they just go out and sit in the truck and talk to the dog and cry and cry and cry.

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Mary Worth, 3/23/15

OH SNAP IT’S THE TRIUMPHANT (?) RETURN OF A BELOVED (?) ANCILLARY MARY WORTH CHARACTER! You might remember Terry Bryson as the Internet fraud expert who gently explained to Toby how to not get ripped off on the online, back in 2008. Since then she’s been lying low at Charterstone, apparently hoping against hope that Adam wouldn’t find her here. Did Terry once long ago teach Adam how to avoid Internet fraud, only she did a bad job and he got Internet defrauded real bad, and now he’s out for revenge? Or is Terry herself the one thing Adam can never let go of, romantically? Probably the second one, since over the weekend Adam seems to have dyed the greying hair around his temples, so as to look younger and more vigorous. Can’t wait to see the upbeat wedding denouement of this story, which has began in unsettling stalkertastic fashion!

Judge Parker, 3/23/15

Oh, goody: we’ve returned to Sam and Abbey’s RV, which is large enough to have both a main salon and, presumably, several secondary salons, just in time for them to wax rhapsodic about the greatness of Judge Parker Senior’s unfilmable script adaptation of his unreadable book! Abbey’s going to need some coffee for this. All this sycophancy takes a lot out of you.

Funky Winkerbean, 3/23/15

Ha ha, “I have a meeting with your father,” definitely a normal thing a human would say upon meeting an unidentified young person in an office setting. In this case, of course, a more reasonably response would be “I have a meeting with the mad scientist who grafted your tiny head onto your mismatched body.”

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Six Chix, 3/22/15

I kind of like how sad this lady looks. “Sure, cool wordplay, talking animals that only I can hear, but the truth is that agoraphobia is a serious and debilitating medical condition that has significant and negative impacts on my life.”

Dennis the Menace, 3/22/15

Look, Joey, your mother’s dead, so stop pretending, OK? It’s not menacing, just the tough love you need to get you to acknowledge the facts and get on the road to true healing.

Judge Parker, 3/22/15

“I’ll bet Godiva ‘gets her horse’ now, if you know what I mean! That’s a sex thing, right? A sex thing rich people do? God, I hate working for you one-percent monsters so much, and yet you all have me in a constant state of arousal!”

Shoe, 3/22/15

Loon has been a beloved character in this strip since it began in 1977, right up until today, when he was abruptly and violently eaten by a shark. We can still see the lower half of his mangled body in the final panel, though that too will presumably soon vanish to the shark’s gullet.