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Mary Worth, 10/7/14

Few things have unsettled me more today than Hanna thinking to herself “My grandson is safe with his mother … for now.” What could this possibly mean? Safe from what? Is he the Chosen One of Prophecy, with a magical protection charm keeping evil at bay as long as he stays in his mother’s home? Is this why Hanna’s been so reluctant to babysit him, because while his mother’s out finding self-actualization or true love or whatever, Hanna must maintain constant vigilance against the emboldened dark forces who seek to snuff out Gordon’s life before he can come into his full powers? Probably not, and I guess we’re never going to really find out, because right in the middle of this reverie she just stone-cold rammed into the front of Ian’s car, and I assume that his condescending rage will be both extensive and hilarious.

Apartment 3-G, 10/7/14

Kudos to Margo for maintaining her utter dominance over both Tommie and Lu Ann with one power move. I certainly hope that every third night over the past few months she and Lu Ann sat together staring at empty plates for several hungry, agonizing hours. “Look, Margo, I don’t think she’s coming home tonight, I could cook something real quick–” “No. It’s Tommie’s night.” “Well maybe we could just get some Thai food delivered, or–” “It’s Tommie’s night, and put that phone down RIGHT NOW or I am not responsible for the consequences.”

Better Half, 10/7/14

Remember, only in the sweet grip of death can you escape the extractive power of the tyrannical state! SUICIDE IS A REVOLUTIONARY ACT

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Hey guys! I am starting a new tradition here on josh reads dot com where I put up a metapost on Mondays letting you know about (a) things I’ve written elsewhere that you can read and (b) things I’m about to do live and in person that you can attend! Obviously I’ll only do it when one of the above things is true for that week. This week you get one of each!

• I wrote this slideshow about the worst types of people you meet working in IT! You may recognize these people from your own workplace, even if you’re not in tech, frankly.
• Also: I am about to do my very first standup show in Los Angeles! I am on a bill with lots of other funny people this coming Saturday at 8:30 at Tao Comedy Studio at 7466 Beverly Boulevard, as outlined on this flyer!

  

  If you are a Los Angeles-area reader and have been thinking “Gee, I wish Josh’s live comedy adventures happened close to me — like, he should just pick up his entire life and move thousands of miles for my convenience,” this has now happened, so it’s time for you to hold up your end of the bargain. Seriously, if I do my first ever stand-up show in LA and people come out to see me specifically that … is the sort of information that would get around and/or be helpful, I think? Just putting that out there. Anyway, the Facebook event is here, if Facebook events are the kind of things you find helpful!

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Apartment 3-G, 10/6/14

Good news, everyone! The non-Tommie Apartment 3-G gals have finally reappeared, after nearly five months! I think it was five months. That’s based on the dates I came up with for this post from June; obviously everything that’s happened in this strip since has obliterated by ability to perceive the normal passage of time, but it’s probably right. Anyway, it’s good to see that our three roommates have fallen right into their usual pecking order. “Hey, Lu Ann, I missed you, and OH GOD MARGO YOU ARE THE EVERYTHING, THE ANIMATING FORCE BEHIND ALL CREATION, WITHOUT YOU EVERY PLANET AND EVERY STAR WITHERS AND DIES”

Apartment 3-G, 10/6/14

Normally Billy weeks at the Family Circus are are just excuses for fake-crude drawings and not-fun-awful puns, but this one has a serious message. Yes, Daddy is watching his “waste,” ha ha, get it, but also, as his exaggeratedly emaciated frame makes clear, he suffers from serious body dysmorphia. That smile can’t mask the fact that, when he “watches” his own body, he sees nothing but garbage. Men can have eating disorders too, Big Daddy Keane! Getting help is not a show of weakness!

Six Chix, 10/6/14

Hey guys! Happy Monday from Six Chix! Did you know your mind is a writhing, densely packed mass of repulsive steel-grey worms, like something out of an H.R. Giger fever dream? Have a fun week!