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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/28/14

Say what you will about the grotesquely stylized hillbilly characters in Snuffy Smith, but their mostly fabricated dialect certain does include some striking turns of phrase! Take, for instance, “’xpectin’ a li’l stranger.” Have you ever heard a pregnancy described in more philosophically melancholy terms. “Sure, th’ li’l tater will be flesh an’ blood to hub and me. But in th’ end, ain’t we all strangers t’each other? Can we ever see into th’ heart of another?”

The throwaway panels, meanwhile, are a bit more straightforwardly depressing. “Th’ good news: No more dietin’ fer you! Th’ bad news: infant moratality in Hootin’ Holler is seven times th’ national average!”

B.C., 9/28/14

The throwaway panels here — “Oh, can’t find one of your beloved possessions, son? Your father may have hocked it, because we’re constantly teetering on the edge of financial ruin!” — may be one of the grimmest things I’ve seen in the comics pages in a while. The rest of the strip fills in the details of the story, though: dad is suffering from a traumatic brain injury, so obviously he can’t be expected to hold down a steady job.

Hi and Lois, 9/28/14

Running through a checklist and then concluding with an eerily contraction-less “I think we are ready”? Spending time during the game quantifying all aspects of the current seasons? Haha, the Flagstons aren’t aliens wearing meatsack disguises and trying to blend into human society at all!

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Momma, 9/27/14

Today’s Momma is a master class in whiplash, moving from clunky, painfully artificial dialogue clearly meant to set up a joke in the first two panels to gibbering madness in panel three. I guess Momma is doing an exaggerated “hands up” gesture to make it clear she’s responding to Francis’s monetary request neither freely nor cheerfully. But what are we to make of the young men’s dialogue? Francis is only thinking his, and with the darkened bottom of the thought balloon that designates gloom in this strip. “Never mind, Normy,” he muses. “I never wanted you to see this. I didn’t want you to know that this is how things really are in this house.” Normy, meanwhile, similarly troubled, mutters “I dig you…” presumably in reluctant admiration of Francis’s elder-terrifying fundraising techniques.

Mark Trail, 9/27/14

You might think Mark is being awful cold to the obviously smitten Lori, looking at her expressionlessly as she weeps and telling her that he really has nothing to do with her situation and that she should “take care of herself.” But that’s pretty much how he treats his wife, so!

B.C., 9/27/14

Remember when Johnny Hart was alive and B.C. did strips mocking the concept of evolution? I guess you could say that under new management, the strip has … evolved. UGH NO SORRY I EVEN SAID THAT IT WAS TERRIBLE

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What? Another Friday? That means another comment of the week!

“Fear not, Josh. Already Jack’s face is congealing, Terminator-style, back into the form of a standard issue Apartment 3-G suitor, and Carol has developed a case of Peter Pan collar. Soon they will be restored to factory settings, and this story will end.” –pastordan

And some more very funny runners up!

“Blondie lacks ‘smart’ dog door tech? Look for upcoming strips about cars without shoulder belts, the hassle of dial telephones, and lawn darts. (That last one doubles as a tearful goodbye to neighbor Herb.)” –Ed Dravecky

“Hanna won’t rely on her daughter to drive around. Emerson inculcated in her a philosophy of self-reliance. I see this one getting meddled off into the woods to live deliberately, or possibly die deliberately, given her advanced age and declining faculties.” –Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses

“The thing I find most intriguing is that ‘Brick Bull’ is referred to as the ‘Bully Bull.’ I mean, his name’s Brick Bull, for God’s sake! Just how badass do you have to make him?” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“So, I tried to go to LuannComic.com, to find out about the guest artist, but it just brought me to the GoComics site. Is this some sort of joke? Oh, wait, it’s Luann and it’s not funny — so, yes, probably a joke.” –bbofun

“The jury cat appears terrified. ‘He knows the bull is colorblind! Soon enough, he’s going to tell the jury that cats really can’t see in total darkness, just very dim light! There goes my street cred!'” –hogenmogen

“You’ve heard of ‘Stone Soup?’ Well, ‘Butt Stew’ is pretty much the opposite of that. It does not encourage people to share, I’ll tell you that much.” –Dan

“I feel like there’s some subtle passive-aggressiveness lying just under the surface of this friendly conversation between naturalists. ‘Sure, I bruised my ankle and had to walk through some rough areas, but my love of saving endangered rhinos is what brought me here. What brought you here, Mark? A magazine story you wanted to write? For money? Well, I guess we can’t all be as dedicated to the rhinos as we’d like to be.'” –pugfuggly.

“The maps are on the table inside! First we go to the airport; I have a C-5A waiting. They’ll load us up and fly us out. The drop is from 5000 meters over the Al Jaghbub Oasis. I’ve equipped the RV with a large drag chute, so she’ll be drivable when we land. We’ll meet my contacts there and arm their forces. We’ve got 200 FN FALs and about 20 Forty-Nines for the officers. Always go Belgian when you’re arming mercenaries, right? I packed a BRG-15 or two just in case, food and water for 250 for four weeks. Then it’s a straight drive to the northeast and we seize Marsa Matruh, put up our new flag and, just like that, you’re the Emir of Parkerstan! Abby can be the Minster of Defense, Neddy the Finance Minister, and I’ll be the shadowy head of the intelligence services. It’s a real family outing!” –Voshkod

“In the Trail-verse, you’re required to maintain at least one car length between each participant in a conversation. Sure, it’s tough on the vocal cords, having to shout everything in BOLD CAPITAL LETTERS constantly, but it’s worth it because the chance of accidental unwanted physical contact is zero.” –Joe Blevins

“Speaking of ponies, it appears the old lady’s bridle is being adjusted.” –jim, some guy in iowa

“Has Ms. Pierpont kept that hippie imprisoned for the last 40 years? Does … does he know what happened to rock music?” –Chyron HR

“These artists are amazing! I wouldn’t have thought it possible to convey ‘smugly mugging for canned sitcom laughter’ in such a crude art style, but remarkably, they pulled it off!” –bunivasal

“Why would you do something that gives you enormous pleasure, like eating cookies from a jar on an easily accessible shelf, after an authority figure told you not to? I guess I’ll never understand children.” –BigTed

“Its been forever since Curmudgeon readers have submitted photos reenacting the comics, but I think panel one is perfect. I’m going to go practice swinging a handgun around while someone throws a snake at me. What’s the worst that could happen?” –Chareth Cutestory

“‘Pluggerville’? Is that a planned community, or some sort of quarantine complex?’ –C. Sandy Cyst

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