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EVERYBODY! I am BACK in the saddle, my saddle having been moved approximated 3,000 miles to the west by either the good people at Allied Van Lines or my wife driving our car, depending on whether you’re using the “saddle” metaphor to refer to my desk chair or my actual ass! Huge thanks to EVERYONE who contributed to the westward bound fundraiser — you’ll get individual thank-yous this coming week, probably with a reference to a specific item I’m going to buy at Ikea with the money this afternoon. And megahuge thanks to Uncle Lumpy for guest-blogging so much these past couple of months. I am back full-time now for the indefinite future, but he’s hilarious and deserves recognition and approbation. And he lovingly hand-picked some CsOTW for the past couple weeks, out of which I have hand-picked with similar love this top comment:

“I love Gil’s nameplate. No ‘Coach,’ no ‘Mr.,’ no ‘Gil.’ No complexity, layering of meaning, or beating around the bush. You, Mr. Standish, are in the presence of an elemental THORP of nature.” –Spunde

But these other comments are not to be sneezed at!

“When you’re done with ‘Words With Pals’ and ‘Scrumble,’ maybe you’d like to play some ‘Hungry Birds’ or ‘Cookie Crush Saga’ or ‘Gim Gardashian’s Gollywood Game.'” –BigTed

“When my daughter used to play Oregon Trail, her party would dwindle disturbingly through serial occurrences of the events ‘Hunting accident! Lose a party member!’ and ‘Fresh meat!'” –Cloudbuster

“Hmmm — free drinks, eh? Not bad, but if I hang out with Kapuht, I might get heroin. Decisions, decisions…” –Pozzo

“Wait, did Rocky Ledge just spontaneously grow sunglasses on his head? That counts as a super power. Was he bitten by a radioactive David Caruso?” –Joe Blevins

“I used to break hearts. Now I just break mirrors.” –gelded wildebeeste

“Even Count Weirdly can’t take this thing seriously. ‘That’s not even supposed to be a dolphin. It’s a shark, and I pulled its teeth out. I pulled the teeth out of every single shark in the ocean. Why? Because duh, I’m cruel and I don’t like shark bites. Does that matter? No. Do you even have a warrant? I doubt it!'” –made of wince

Mary Worth and Judge Parker: “Two phrases that will never escape my lips: ‘I am surprised that you have such an abiding penchant for country music!’ and ‘You know what was recently revealed about him?'” –Écureuil Écumant

“Country music? You like country music? That is the music of the poor.” –Liam

“It could be worse. Someone could paste a copy of Apartment 3-G onto a cover of ‘Action Comics’, as the ultimate act of irony.” –seismic-2

“Bear in mind people have been practically giving Holly rare and valuable comics left and right. She probably thinks that’s how it works now.” –TheDiva

“Acting on an ‘unshakeable feeling’ from ‘deep within’ is how we get all those fake quotes on Sundays. –Jean-Paul Sartre” –pastordan

“Action in Apartment 3-G? Is that a perk for premium subscribers? –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“Luann seems shocked that nothing has happened. As a regular reader of Luann, I am not.” –pugfuggly

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

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Mary Worth, 9/5/14

Remember that scene in Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace when Qui-Gon sat Anakin down and told him about the intelligent midi-chlorian symbionts that live in everybody’s cells and were the physiological basis for the Force? And remember the strange heavy, cold feeling in your gut as the movie layered all that unnecessary pseudo-biological nonsense on top of something that had once seemed mysterious, magical, and fun? Well, that feeling was your enteric nervous system.

Curtis, 9/5/14

Just yesterday this was Alternate Dimension Curtis, and today he’s Conscience Curtis? OK whatevs nobody reads the comics anyway so why bother, right? But can we have Evil Twin Curtis tomorrow, please? I’ve got some plans for Barry.

Hägar the Horrible, 9/5/14

Slylock Fox author Bob Weber Jr. is doing gags for Hägar the Horrible these days, and you can tell: that carriage has Count Weirdly written all over it. Careful, Helga – it’s an overcomplicated, ineffective trap!

Josh is now officially an Angeleno, moved in, Internet-connected, unpacked Real Soon Now, and rarin’ to go. Look for his Comment of the Week selection, followed by regular posts starting Saturday. I sure hope the laid-back California lifestyle doesn’t creep into his commentary.

Thanks for reading, and for the great support during an extra-long fundraiser. See you next time!

— Uncle Lumpy

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Funky Winkerbean, 9/4/14

Most unwelcome guests just make you feel old.

But when Les Moore’s wife Lisa died in 2007 and once before, Funky Winkerbean jumped forward in time and its spinoff Crankshaft didn’t. The charming though confusing result is that whenever a Crankshaft character encounters somebody from the Funky continuity, they age about fifteen years.

So here we have Old Pam, daughter of Really Old Ed, and her husband Old Jeff, son of Probably Dead Rose. I say Probably Dead because that appears to be a genuine smile on Jeff’s face in panels two and three, and Rose strictly enforced her rules against that sort of thing.

As for the third panel hey, doesn’t anybody say “you’re welcome” anymore? Old Jeff is grateful for Holly’s gift — why does Holly imagine that’s worrisome for him? Not long ago, Old Jeff’s daughter Grown Up Mindy gave Holly a comic, to her joy and satisfaction — why does she think Old Jeff would react differently? Maybe she’s releasing him from an obligation to reciprocate, to break the cycle of comics-transfer before it escalates into some insane suburban potlatch with skidloads of mouldering comics trucked endlessly between Westview and Centerville to lie rotting on porches? Or is it out of simple mercy to Funky Winkerbean readers who just can’t imagine grownups making such a godawful fuss about comic books?

Comic strips, on the other hand ….

Beetle Bailey, 9/4/14

I’ve been reading Beetle Bailey a long, long time, and I can’t remember Otto ever appearing, being treated, as or acting like a real dog — to the extent that at first glance I thought he was ogling the woman in the first panel. Even the artist has a hard time accepting Otto’s dog-nature: sure, the front limbs end pawishly, but the backs end in feet, making it look like he’s running on his toes.

Maybe its just a subtle send-up of socially-constructed gender roles, such as we are used to finding in the pages of Beetle Bailey: all poodles are girls, of course, as are all ballet dancers who perform en pointe. So what appears to be gender-normative attraction is in fact ambiguous or transgressive! Who’s on the leash here?! The patriarchy!

Mary Worth, 9/4/14

Mary surrenders to control by her abdominal ganglia, much like a dinosaur or cockroach.

— Uncle Lumpy