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Curtis, 6/6/13

Usually we blame media desensitization for making The Kids Today numb to depictions of gruesome violence and wanton sexuality, and therefore more prone to accept or even participate in gruesome violence or wanton sexuality. But today’s Curtis presses the argument further, positing that such content more generally kills the human capacity for empathy, leaving Curtis unable to appreciate the human tragedy that has befallen his father’s mildly irritating co-worker. Either that, or he’s been watching CNBC and The Boiler Room nonstop, leaving him inured to instances of financial suffering in particular. But as is often the case with media panic, maybe we should look away from the television screen to find the origins of human cruelty: with vicious epithets like “muttonhead” in common use in the Wilkins household, it’s no wonder Curtis has built an emotional barrier between himself and the pain felt by others.

Judge Parker, 6/6/13

Judge Parker has taken a step away from “Neddy’s friends’ kidnapping crisis may be a grift” to return to its other storyline, “Judge Parker Senior and Mrs. Judge Parker Senior’s marriage is in trouble.” Today we learn the main thing they’ll fight over in the divorce trial: rights to this terrible and almost certainly highly lucrative screenplay.

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B.C., 6/5/13

So vultures are creepy because we associate them with death, right? Like, they only show up when someone or something is dying, and then they feast on its corpse. We find this horrifying and repugnant! So wouldn’t it be even more horrifying and repugnant if the vulture actually killed a living being in order to leave it in a state that the vulture found palatable to eat? Possibly by using a weapon of some sort it designed specifically for that purpose? How gruesome! That was probably the thinking behind the joke in this strip, and then whoever came up with that joke probably went somewhere and enjoyed a sandwich filled with meat sliced from an animal that wasn’t alive, how could you think about eating a living animal, that’s disgusting.

Speaking of the awful stench of death, it’s a good thing I can’t tell the barely distinguishable cavemen of B.C. apart, because otherwise I might feel more of an emotional attachment to whoever it is who’s suffering a slow, agonizing death from exposure in the first panel.

Family Circus, 6/5/13

At last, PJ’s training is complete! Soon he’ll face off against other competitors in the 25-to-35-pound weight division in … THE BABY OCTOGON.

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Hello everybody! Briefly interrupting your afternoon to give you two important pieces of news. First: as you may be aware, Rifftrax writer Conor Lastawka and I are co-minders of [Citation Needed], a Tumblr that highlights Wikipedia’s most hilarious bad writing. Yesterday, we released [Citation Needed] 2: The Needening, a collection of our favorite terrible Tumblr entries with added jokes we wrote ourselves!

You can buy it in paperback (less than $10!) or Kindle (only 99 cents, though slightly less bathroom-convenient!). And if you need proof of the book’s hilarity, you can check out the first 50 pages here.

Second: If you are in or near Baltimore, please come see me do standup with many other funny people this coming Thursday, June 6! Here is a poster which contains photo evidence that I am in a line up featuring actual comedians you may have heard of:

It will be at Delia Foley’s in Baltimore’s Federal Hill neighborhood, 1439 S Charles St. 8:30 pm and completely free! I urge you to attend, and laugh!