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Gasoline Alley, 1/20/24

Longtime faithful readers know that in most of the strips I comment on here, there’s at least one character upon whom I wish every ill. In Gasoline Alley that’s obviously Slim, but I can at least take comfort in the knowledge that the strip’s creators also love to torment him. Why else would his plan to murder teenagers with a meteorite go awry and his house get haunted by inane ghosts? Anyway, you may remember the time he got an erotic concussion, and now we’re back to another unsettling tale of his place in our collective sexual dreamscape. His wife found a mysterious love note in his pocket that he doesn’t remember getting; could it be that Saint Agnes, who famously was to be married against her will and then punished for her Christianity by being sent to a brothel but God protected her by making her hair grow over her body and striking her would-be rapists dead, is telling Slim that his own chastity is in danger? Will his ordeal finally be ended with a knife to the throat, with eager believers soaking up his blood with handkerchiefs in memory of his martyrdom? I have frankly never wished for anything more in regards to this strip.

Pluggers, 1/20/24

Because I’m a hip young person with the cutting edge job of “blogger,” my calendar is on my computer and backed up to the cloud, but somehow I had never really thought to use the calendar’s search function before, and the other day while looking for something I discovered to my surprise — and, frankly, delight — that everything I’ve ever put in there, going back to 2003, has been retained! I can see all my quotidian appointments for the last two decades! Only today, in seeing this panel, did I realize that I have become truly one of the most unsettling beings of all: the cyber-plugger.

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No fuss no muss no guff … just this week’s comment of the week:

“It’s petty, but I can’t stand when Crock does just modern domestic comedy that could slide right into Blondie or, lets be honest, Marvin. Like, I’m sorry that nobody really remembers what the French Foreign Legion’s deal is/was but that is the high concept you have saddled yourself with and I am going to have to insist that you keep it at least broadly desert themed.” –BananaSam

And this week’s hilarious runners up!

“I didn’t get right away that the pets were smelling those objects so I laughed pretty hard at Barfy comparing that football to Billy. About the same size and shape as his head, plus a lot quieter. Probably an improvement!” –pugfuggly

“I like the jailer’s shovel tattoo. He doesn’t always like his job but he enjoys the gravedigging.” –Victor Von

“Oh no, a single unarmed constable! Whatever will these two hardened raiders do in the face of … hey, guys? You’re Vikings, remember? Guys? GUYS?!” –jroggs

“Love that menacing foreground fist in panel one! That’s a right hand, though, and the punch that’s actually thrown is from the left. Waste of a menacing fist, if you ask me.” –Twinkles the Elf

“It’s called ‘sploshing.’ Never say Mary Worth is behind the times.” –Gerry Quinn

“I myself was trapped in a middle seat between two sumo wrestlers once. It permanently damaged my shoulders and this is the only way I can hold a folder now.” –nescio

“If I also were in a fort in the Saharan desert holding an imaginary conversation with my mother about bowel movements in her nursing home on an old-school land line with no cord coming from the receiver, those would be exactly the facial expressions I’d use. Bravo Crock for showing the ravages of ongoing combat trauma!” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“A little Googling indicates that ‘Kid Inventors Day’ is a real thing, celebrated annually on January 17, Ben Franklin’s birthday. Blondie’s writers can’t get anything else about the modern world right, but I don’t think they’re ever wrong about offbeat holidays and observances. Their grandkids must give them a really great calendar every Christmas.” –Rube

“Dennis the Menace has Gabriel’s Horn, and he is announcing Judgment Day. While young, Margaret certainly should be nervous. Has she done enough to enter the kingdom of heaven? Is she ready? ARE YOU, reader?” –Batiuk’s Attic

“It’s a pity that they didn’t draw the flag in today’s courtroom scene in Snuffy Smith. I guess they wanted to prevent a sovcit argument about gold fringe, which is certainly the first argument Snuffy would go for.” –Voshkod

“It seems like it’d be kind of hurtful if your long-lost father’s main interest in you was to start banging your mom again?” –matt w

“By what witchcraft does Mary turn the ingredients off her recipe list — bachelor, marine, policeman, hero — into muffins?” –Hibbleton

“He doesn’t leave his room unless it’s for school? Have you tried disguising yourself as a school?” –Peanut Gallery

“Hi also had to move the couch to an entirely different location in the living room, further aggravating his back.” –taig

“I don’t think Ancestry.com is solving any paternity tests; mostly it uses public records to connect people. But I suppose in a world where those piles of dog vomit Mary is pulling out of the oven are supposed to be appetizing, anything is possible.” –TheDiva

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Shoe, 1/19/24

I was going to go on a long rant here about how comics gag writers so frequently come up with a joke and then work backwards from it even if it doesn’t make sense in the strip’s established universe of characters, and why would the Perfesser be interested in a cruise like this when he doesn’t even have kids, but then, ha ha, I realized I had forgotten about his nephew-ward Skyler. In my defense, I think the Perfesser also forgets about his nephew-ward Skyler on the regular. Anyway, there’s absolutely no chance he’s going to take this child on a cruise with him. He won’t even buy a second piece of living room furniture so they can eat in front of the TV together.

Hi and Lois, 1/19/24

I feel like I come across on this blog as some kind of hardass for comedic structure but I’m really not! Take this Hi and Lois, for instance: I honestly enjoyed it even though it contains literally nothing that you could call a “joke” per se. Hi’s contorted body language on the coach is great, but the punctuation mark-less “AAAEEUGH” is what really seals the deal for me. Sometimes comics can just be vibes and that’s OK!

Mary Worth, 1/19/24

“Used to be you could just skip town and move to California and change your name to an obviously fake one and that was that! Nobody would blink an eye! You could start over! Then came Mr. Science sticking his nose in where it didn’t belong. And that’s when you have to start poisoning people with muffins.”