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Six Chix, 10/25/11

Aw, I like the mildly desperate grin that the skeleton is sporting in that costume shop window. “Ladies! Zombies are just as done as vampires! Skeletons are the new hotness! We’re shambling and terrifying and undead just like zombies, but without all that distasteful rotting flesh! Remember the Jason and the Argonauts movie, where he sword-fights with skeletons? Remember how bad-ass that was? SKELETONS! I … no, please, come into the shop … buy some of our skeleton paraphernalia … oh, God, I’m so lonely …”

Gil Thorp, 10/25/11

I’m really truly excited about Gil Thorp tackling the sensitive subject of Asperger’s Syndrome and totally botching it, but for right now I’d like to focus on good ol’ Wildcat, presiding over what appears to be a Milford Booster Club dinner party. Notice that everyone else is casual clothes, while Wildcat is gussied up in a white tuxedo, bow tie slightly askew. Is he coming home from his day job as a croupier? Or will “raising the formality of Milford Booster Club meetings” be his next crusade, right after he finds the Mudlarks a new kicker (precise location on the autistic spectrum unimportant)?

Momma, 10/25/11

Poor spelling is of course something we should be rightfully condemn, but we should at least give these pint-size taggers props for putting up graffiti with a philosophical message, no matter how nihilistic. Most vandalism seeks merely to aggrandize the vandal, or to mark out the territory of various criminal syndicates; these young men have instead proclaimed their bleak worldview to the city. Kudos!

Apartment 3-G, 10/25/11

“Thank goodness, everyone has stopped expecting any sort of achievement out of me. That’s a relief! Guess I’ll slip back into invisibility and quiet desperation once again. Really, it’s what I do best!”

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Many of you may be aware of [Citation Needed], a Tumblr blog showcasing Wikipedia’s worst writing, of which I am one of the two curators (i.e., one of the two guys who finds and posts hilariously bad Wikipedia writing and/or sorts through reader submissions of same). Probably you have been long thinking “I love this Tumblr but I wish it were available in book form, so that I could have it in my bathroom and/or give it to my friends who hate the Internet, and also it should include jokes written by Josh and RiffTrax writer-genius/National High Five Day impresario Conor Lastowka.” Well, my friend, today is your lucky day, and by “today” I mean “today and all subsequent days,” because this book now exists and can be purchased, now and into the indefinite future.

Yes, my friends, this book is now available for purchase at Amazon, in physical or Kindle form! We’ve already rocketed up to 16,506 on the Amazon best-seller list; help us break into quadruple digits! You can also download the first 50 pages of the book in PDF form, if you’re the “try before you buy” type.

Faithful longtime readers, I urge you to help a brother out vis-a-vis this book! Obviously it would be great if you bought it for every single person on your gift list this Chriskwaanzukkah; but, even better, if you have a blog or Twitter or radio show or something that would reach nerds who would enjoy this book, please let those nerds know about it! We are happy to talk with you/write about our love for Wiki-whimsy, at length. Also, if you know of (or, better, own or work at!) a cute little store in your hometown that sells jokey books like this, let me know about it so we can try to pitch them on adding [Citation Needed] to their holiday lineup. (Urban Outfitters, too. Do you know who it is who does the buying for gifty books at Urban Outfitters? That’d be brilliant.)

All [Citation Needed]-related correspondence can be sent to info@citationneededbook.com. Thank you for your time and attention! We now return you to your regularly scheduled comics mocking. Ha ha, Mary Worth, amiright?

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Mary Worth, 10/24/11

Oh look, it appears that, after successfully reuniting, a certain lovestruck couple forgot to pay homage to the woman who made it all possible, in the sense that she suggested to Gina that maybe she ought to seek out the man she loved rather than moping about him constantly. Mary will surely be flabbergasted when she arrives at the diner, only to have the new waitress say, “What, Gina, the one with the hideous ponytail? She quit weeks ago, said something about how she didn’t need this crappy minimum wage job now that she was going to be sexing up her new hot rich athlete boyfriend full-time.”

Of course, you don’t get rid of Mary Worth that easily. One assumes that Mary will be stalking the happy couple (and, by extension, the New York Blazes) across the country, demanding acknowledgement that all their aforementioned happiness derives from her meddling; eventually, the mobsters from whom Gina was fleeing in the first place will be called in, because the only way that true gratitude can be shown is in blood.

Apartment 3-G, 10/24/11

And hey, let’s check in with Tommie! What with all the Lu Ann wedding and Margo art-wrangling excitement, we’ve been ignoring her quest to finally realize her dream as a singing sensation. Hmm, what’s that? She’s failing in that dream, disappointing her mentors and everyone else? Sure, that seems about right.