Comment of the Week

My little friend is not so little anymore, Toby! In fact, she's quite large! Enormous, in fact! Nine foot six and getting taller by the day! It's actually quite alarming! We're getting into I'm a Virgo territory here! Did you watch that miniseries, by the way? It was on Amazon Prime a couple of years ago! Jharrel Jerome is a treasure! Some great performances by Elijah Wood and Walton Goggins as well, which reminds me that I need to start my Justified rewatch. Oh, Margo Martindale is another treasure, especially as a voice in BoJack Horseman. Anyway, Olive is a giant, is the point I'm trying to make.

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Gil Thorp, 4/29/09

So it looks like the coming Gil Thorp storyline will involve old-school coach Gil taking on the terrible cesspool that is Internet sports blogging and fandom. People who get all their information from newspapers will finally learn about Websites with crazy, incomprehensible Web 2.0 names like “T.A.P. Room” run by jackasses with stupid haircuts who say things like “you’re en fuego, coach.” (Admittedly, anyone who says “you’re en fuego, coach” should in fact be killed.) It’s kind of too bad that reliable Thorp media nemesis Marty Moon isn’t behind this nonsense, but longtime readers know that any technology more advanced than a bottle opener baffles and terrifies him. One can only hope that these darn Intertube punks irritate Gil to the point that he unleashes a Buzz Bissinger-style tirade about how the Internet is a sewer and why don’t people read print media anymore and get off my lawn.

Cathy, 4/29/09

Here’s a sentence you don’t want to hear about any creative endeavor you’re involved with, ever: this strip has apparently decided to steal ideas from Marvin. In fact, if there was strip that could in my eyes make Marvin look good in comparison, it’s Cathy. Cathy’s in-laws are more grating and awful than Marvin’s grandparents, and they aren’t drawn anywhere nearly as well. On the bright side, there will probably be fewer jokes in this strip about people shitting themselves.

Dick Tracy, 4/29/09

I guess it’s sort of part of my job description to point out when insane, over-the-top violence takes place in Dick Tracy, so: look, it’s insane, over-the-top violence in today’s Dick Tracy! I’m not sure what I like more: the fact that Dick’s go-to surprise attack move is to rip off his opponent’s nose, causing blood and boogers to splatter all over his face, or the terrified look of the innocent couple in the second panel, who just wanted to gamble away what was left of their life savings at the roulette wheel in peace and totally didn’t sign up for any of this flying shards of glass and tumbling bodies crap, man.

Mark Trail, 4/29/09

Yeah, they’re really having to work pretty hard to “go after” Sassy, who appears to just be standing there waiting for them to pick him up. “Please, I don’t want to ever have to look at the deformed, neckerchief-wearing freak again!” he barks. “Take me with you on your ill-thought-out multi-state crime spree!”

(In other news: Hey, everybody! Here is a thing I wrote, about how they try to market computers to the ladies! Read it, won’t you?)

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Mary Worth, 4/28/09

You know what would be awesome? If the “police” who “arrested” Ted are really his accomplices, and the “police station” Adrian is sitting in is a rented warehouse, and they’re all setting her up for some kind of mind-blowing long con that goes far beyond some petty “Oh my sister is in deep with the mob I need $50K” child’s play.

You know would be boring and trite? If Adrian found true love with this handsome blond police officer, who is certainly not some sinister pervert from the Internet. But that is almost certainly what we’re going to get.

Apartment 3-G, 4/28/09

Margo is taken aback by Mrs. Bloom’s stun gun because in her martial philosophy, violence committed with mechanical or electronic aids is dishonorable. Even using something like an umbrella as a club is acceptable only when your target is just out of range; Margo has now cast it aside and is preparing to disembowel the immobilized Dr. Kelly with her bare hands.

Funky Winkerbean, 4/28/09

“I think that if we were dating, I wouldn’t keep using my employee discount to buy you dinner at this terrible pizza place.”

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Those of you who are up this late deserve your comment of the week without preamble, so here it is:

Today’s Marvin is confusing. When did he begin disliking the smell of his own poop?” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

And the hilarious runners-up!

“Oh please God, let Dr. Kelly die! It’s time for A3G to graduate to the women’s prison serial it’s always aspired to be.” –Judas Peckerwood

“So now Tommie is trapped in the bathroom and desperately searching through the medicine cabinet, apparently in the belief that she can fight off a violent drug addict in withdrawal with a nail file. We know someone’s going to come through the door, but who? Tommie’s creepy boyfriend, who will probably talk the attacker to sleep? Lu Ann, who will get herself and Tommie both killed so we spend the next six weeks watching Margo find new roommates? Or Margo herself, who, let’s face it, is the only one in an A3G universe who can possibly do any good in this situation? Personally I’m cheering for Lu Ann, mostly because I want to hear what Margo will say at the double funeral.” –flodnak

“‘A child who can make his way to a military surplus store, purchase a gas mask, and correctly fit it to himself, is a child who can change his own diaper, or for preference not shit himself in the first place’ has been my long-standing policy.” –One-eyed Wolfdog

You’re wrong, Ditto. Color is not making you any funnier.” –Digger

“If you can see an obvious, direct connection between a pseudo-holiday established to raise awareness and physically battling spandex-clad man-children, then, congratulations, you’re qualified to write for Spider-Man. Either that or you’re on some powerful hallucinogens.” –Alan’s Addiction

“Miss Buxley’s just doing her thing, hanging out in a featureless void, sitting at her completely empty desk wearing pearls and a black cocktail dress, when Zero shows up with a miniature treasure chest full of dirt. The army is really different than I imagined.” –Patrick

“In a better comic, this plot would evolve into a wacky ‘Ransom of Red Chief’ story, with our hapless criminals slowly worn down by the predations of their ‘victim.’ Instead, they’ll blather while Rusty manages to look both wide-eyed and glum — but I can still fantasize that they’ll suddenly become aware of the horrific creepiness of his face, and strangle him with his kerchief.” –buckyswife

“I wish they’d reimagine A3G based on today’s strip. They could have a crime fighting trio. The Professor: Master of the criminal mind, planning, and cooking. ‘Here’s the plan. Unlock the door. You go high and you go low and I’ll go make some spanokopita.’ The New Dolly Madison, and her scrub brush of retribution. ‘Unhand her or feel the wrath of the original American Revolution.’ The Claw and her optional umbrella fighting stick (keys sold separately). ‘I have a question, Mule … Should I disembowel you with my umbrella or just use my lacquered fingernails? Hmmm. Why not both.'” –These Strange Worlds

“Do you think God will think less of me if I pray for Margo to whack Dr. Joe with that umbrella?” –Natalie

“I think the Prof is just using tried and true tactics. After witnessing first hand the devastating effects of German shock troops (hell, the Prof. probably saw the bashi-bazouk torture his homeland) he knows the power of the disorganized but overwhelming initial onslaught. Send in the Margo! Tommie as collateral damage is a risk … no, not really. You can send in Ruby later on to clean up. At least she’s dressed for it.” –Big Sims

“I learned years ago, in Everything You Wanted to Know about Sex (But Were Afraid to Ask), that men sometimes think about baseball to keep from coming too soon and disappointing their lady love. I’m just now finding out that thinking about baseball in connection with Crankshaft’s joyless mug is enough to keep me from having any sort of erotic thoughts for three or four hours.” –Muffaroo

JP: I hope skinny ties are making a comeback, ’cause I got a closet full of them. Both Sams have rather fetching ones on today, or both Randys, or whatever.” –Sans Sense

My door could use a good scrubbin’! It’s a good thing no one can see into my head to observe how miserably stilted and lifeless my internal monologue is! Entertainment value and realism are for saints and fools!” –Dragon of Life

“Feel free to ask me about other parts of Luann’s backstory. Apparantly, I have no shame!” –Chyron HR

“I find the dead, soulless eyes of Junior Snuffy Smith’s friend disturbing. It’s like you can see through the back of his head, to the back of the newspaper, to the back of his soul, which he doesn’t have, because he’s a god-forsaken cartoon character in a cartoon that was never funny. Ever.” –ksilver

“If Adrian has any lingering doubts about Ted’s double life, the Sansabelt pants and the tucked-in polo shirt should set her straight.” –membargo

“Add ‘visible panty lines’ to Tedward’s list of crimes.” –scamps

“As usual, Marvin’s irony is heavy-handed: We can see from the title panel that the other members of the family, right down to the pets, are coked out of their skulls.” –Howlin’ Wolf

“I think the implication in that last panel is that when wood becomes unavailable, Mark would like to see bats made out of bunnies.” –BigTed

“My god, I hate Marvin. I am going to break into Tom Armstrong’s house and take a giant dump on his Xerox machine in a form of juvenile, yet mildly poetic, protest.” –Jesse C

“You know, it might be a little late in the telling, but Jeffy looks a little like a terrier dog who’s being taken to be neutered. On the ride home I figure all their expressions are will be different.” –kippetje2000

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