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I thank everyone for your e-mails! You always keep me up-to-date on the latest comics-themed insanity from the dark recesses of the Web. But today there’s been such a flood on two items that I feel I should share them with the rest of you:

• We all had a good laugh at Garfield without his thoughts; but are you ready for Garfield minus Garfield? When will the nonstop abuse of poor Arbuckle end?
• Fark.com frequently has Photoshop contests, and today they launched one based on Mary Worth. Probably not safe for work, but utterly hilarious.

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For Better or For Worse, 2/26/08

AT LONG LAST, THE COUNTDOWN HAS STARTED! Yes, the discovery of this priceless family heirloom starts the clock ticking towards the inevitable merging of Liz and Anthony into a single pasty, spineless entity in the eyes of Canadian law. Since the whole story of Liz’s young adulthood has been the systematic quashing of any and all attitudes that come from outside The Family, obviously whatever she wanted to wear will be cast aside and replaced with this dress — which, if every crawlspace I’ve ever encountered is any indication, is yellowed, mildewy, covered with mouse feces, and smells awful. Oh, she’ll look so beautiful walking down the aisle oh-so-carefully to make sure the ancient, moth-eaten thing doesn’t disintegrate!

Dick Tracy, 2/26/08

OK, Dick Tracy, we all know you get some kind of grandfather-clause pass on gruesome violence, but do you really expect us to just sit back and laugh at your artist villain who basically has a set of testicles for a chin? You know, it’s all fun and games to call Grandpa Jim “Grandpa Chin-nuts” or make fun of poor Clambake, but at least with those characters you don’t get the feeling that the artist actually has some scrotum photos out to use as a model.

Dick went through some bizarre and wholly unrealistic process of tracking down art supply sales to figure out that Dab Stract was behind whatever incomprehensible skullduggery is afoot here. But if he didn’t find the artistic representation of human beings to be a sinful arrogation of God’s exclusive power of creation, he could have probably just, you know, looked at the “gross” paintings and recognized the style.

Family Circus, 2/26/08

Those “cool friends” snowman “joke” cartoons are apparently going to continue for as long as there’s snow on the ground, or until our wills are broken, whichever comes first. Today’s kneeling, praying snowman illustrates a bit too much the limits to the traditional three-sphere school of snowman construction. When you’ve got essentially three giant balls of decreasing size, it looks fine. But when you sketch in leglines like this, it just looks like you’ve got a devout snowman with an enormous ass.

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Greetings, readers! You may be waiting for this week’s comments of the week. Well, here’s #1!

“A plugger knows they’re pregnant when a baby falls out of their hoo-hoo.” –Perky Bird

And the runners up! Very amusing!

“Look at Drew’s face! The last time I saw an expression like that was in the mirror the night before my colonoscopy.” –Poteet

“Frankly, I love Dad’s expression in Marvin. It says, ‘I’d respond, but it’s all I can do to hold up this coffee cup. I’d kill myself, but that sounds like work.'” –Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator

“It was only a matter of time before the bestiality started [in Momma]. I only hope this means they’ve run out of incest jokes.” –Gold-Digging Nanny

“The new [Gil Thorp] artist knows even less about sports than the old one, evidently. The girls are playing with what looks like a medicine ball, both teams are in home uniforms, and the jerseys have no numbers whatsoever. Must make calling fouls a real crapshoot. ‘You, gobsmacked-looking blond girl. Intentional awkwardness!'” –GotFuzzy

“I also like the way Steve’s mom in Judge Parker just cuts to the chase and asks if it could be a bomb. I guess when you’re old and dying of cancer, you have no time to wait through a typically glacial JP plot development.” –Harold, Christian Single of the Jungle Patrol

“Today’s Gil Thorp is much like a bizzare, drunken first date in that I have no idea what happened or why, and it finished in the bedroom.” –Hasty Penguin

“The great thing about having ‘Laffs’ in your book’s title is that you are legally exempt from having to provide any actual laughs.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“‘Lost dog’ is just plugger code for runaway sex slave. Everyone knows that.” –alamo

“A team of spelunkers went in in an attempt to diagram Mary’s sentence — never to return.” –Pozzo

“I, too, am happy that Funky the character will now be shown as being an evil industrialist. We need to get some enjoyment out of this strip, and at this stage I’m willing to settle for rooting for the cancer.” –Mac

“After Alan does drugs with his friend ‘Jones,’ he’s going drinking with his buddies ‘Miller’ and ‘Busch.’ Then he’s going to meet up with a prostitute named ‘Gonorrhea Hooker.'” –Allie Cat

“Damn, now Foob owns even more of my brain cells. Luckily, I can kill them by drinking.” –Les

“I love how the guys in the plane automatically assume that Mark isn’t just assaulting these two people. Obviously Brice is the one with facial hair, so he must deserve whatever ass-kicking he’s getting from Mark Trail.” –Lindsey ^_^

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