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The people have spoken! The people want a piece of Comics Curmudgeon gear affiliated with Celeste Black’s deranged drunken antics! And, thanks to faithful reader and artiste Genetic Mishap, they will not be dissapointed! Feast your eyes:

If you’d like to purchase a fine product emblazoned with Genetic Mishap’s logo, now’s your chance! And if you’d like this logo on something not for sale already, just let me know in the comments what you’re looking for and I’ll see if I can’t whip one up.

Also! Apropos of nothing, but I keep forgetting to mention it: occasionally somebody posts something in the comments section that is quite long and I can’t really feature it in the COTW or runners up. (The recent post that got me thinking is this excellent one from Dingo.) Just wanted to tell those of you who don’t know that there is a section of the Comics Curmudgeon forum dedicated to longer reader-written stuff. Things posted there stick around longer and can stand out a bit. Nothing stopping you from putting it both places, of course, but you may wish to post such things in the forum for posterity.

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Slylock Fox, 12/12/06

I’m going to admit it right here in front of the whole world: I like Slylock Fox. I can’t really handle the brain teasers, which I don’t have the attention span for and which I think are kind of rigged anyway, but I enjoy the wealth of detail in the artwork: there’s clearly a lot of thought that goes into it. Today, for instance, we get a little wordless vignette of jealousy and betrayal. I’m sure our older, exotic Mediterranean waitress has been over-smiled at by many a teen boy, but that doesn’t make our all-American girlfriend feel any better. Also, the restaurant appears to be lousy with cats, in violation of the city health code.

Luann, 12/12/06

Just in time for Christmas, it’s … A Very Puddles Christmas! Featuring Puddles, the tiny, sleepy, non-trick-doing dog! And Emily the mail lady, his best friend! (See, dogs and US Post Office employees can get along!) Join us as Puddles takes a magical journey to see Santa! He’ll learn a lot about himself and the real meaning of Christmas, and about just how important family is! Also, there will be urination jokes!

Seriously, what the hell is this. Talking dog? Talking, bipedal dog? This is very much not what Luann is about. Can’t we get back to the Brad house renov … er, I mean the Brand-Toni-Di … er, no wait, I mean Luann and Aaro … no, how about Luann and Gunth … um, maybe Bernice and Zan … oh, whatever, bring on the elves.

Mary Worth, 12/12/06

You know, Ella, I wouldn’t throw around the “w” word if I were you, as I’m betting the condo association has some pretty strict rules about the dark arts. I’d hate to see the next Chaterstone Pool Party feature you getting burned at the stake.

For Better Or For Worse, 12/12/06

HAW HAW! Now here’s some political commentary we can all get behind! Those politicians! They think one thing and say another! It seems as if their chief goal is getting re-elected! Sometimes they are corrupt and unethical! You tell ’em, Grandpa Jim!

Is it just me, or is peppering an aphasic with questions about his aphasia as he sits there in frustrated silence some kind of cruel joke? “Say, Mr. Patterson, that’s a nice watch. Do you mind if I take it? If you mind, just say something … now. OK, guess I’ll be taking it, then!”

Apartment 3-G, 12/12/06

Another excellent diagnosis, Nurse Thompson! I’m assuming by “feverish,” you mean “coked to the gills.”

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Now, I don’t usually — or ever, really — comment on Mallard Fillmore on this blog. Partly it’s because it inspires the sort of pointless vitriol amongst commentors that will get folks banished to the Cockpit. Partly it’s because I already have an outlet for my political commentary. But mostly it’s because my comments would just be as foaming, angry, and unfunny as Mallard Fillmore itself. Not only do I disagree with pretty much every political opinion expressed therein, but the strip itself is a sham of a comic strip. There are plenty of conservative-themed strips (Prickly City and the online Day By Day come to mind) that actually have sequential action in panels and recurring characters; Mallard Fillmore is just a standard-issue editorial cartoon that happens to be drawn in a box that’s the same dimensions as a comic strip so that it can be printed on the comics pages.

See, I’m doing it already.

Anyway, I promise to pretty much never mention Mallard Fillmore again after today, but I feel compelled to point out that:

• Bruce Tinsley, Mallard Fillmore’s creator, was arrested for DUI last week.
• With his blood alcohol level over twice the legal limit.
• For the second time in four months.
• And you can read the story with its accompanying awesome mug shot.
• And the story came out today (not sure why it took a week, though since Mallard himself is always late reacting to the news thanks to comics publication lead times, it’s strangely appropriate), which is the same day that the Mallard Fillmore published in papers across the land was this:

Now, a single DUI can reasonably be seen as an isolated, albeit asinine and irresponsible, act. Two in such a short period of time makes it much more likely that Tinsley is an alcoholic. In all seriousness, I’m glad that he didn’t hurt himself or anyone else, and I hope he gets some help.

But is it at least a little funny that this happened to the guy who wrote and drew this cartoon?

Yes. Yes it is. (Thanks to faithful reader Pelagius for finding this somewhere in the bowels of the MF archives.)

Anyway, no more duck talk from me, I promise (unless it’s about some freakishly huge waterfowl in Mark Trail). Commentors on this post (and this post only) may feel free to engage in heated, foaming political debates of the sort that would normally get you banned to the Cockpit. Enjoy!

UPDATE: Oops, actually his previous arrest was for public intoxication, not DUI. Apologies.