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Hi everybody! This is my monthly post introducing new readers to all the stuff that this site has to offer. If you’re totally familiar with all the doodads and hoohahs along the left side of your screen, you can just skip all this; but if you’re not, you might want to read on. Even if you’re a regular, some of this stuff may surprise you! This month, there’s some updates to information on searching, subscribing, and advertising (you can be the first to advertise in the new PREMIUM ADSPACE!). Here’s some of the features of this site that go beyond the front page!

Archives. This site has been publishing for more than two years now, and every single post is still available for your amusement. Check out the archives menu just below all the advertising (or click here to jump there). You can see all the posts that deal with a particular comic, or see all the posts from a particular month. If you’re feeling reckless, you can also click on the Randomly Selected Post O’ Mystery and enjoy an arbitrary entry from the past; this post will change every time you reload the page. And the search box has now been moved to the top of the page, to make it more visible.

Discussion. Everybody knows that you can put witty comments on each post. But did you know that there’s a full-fledged Comics Curmudgeon discussion board where you can chat with your fellow comics fans? It’s true! You can read the forums without registering, but to participate, you need to sign up for a forums account. Before you sign up to participate there, though, you should read the posting and discussion policies (which apply to comments on the main blog too, for that matter).

Subscribing. Tired of hitting “Refresh” on your browser over and over? Would you like to be alerted every time this blog is updated? You can, thanks to the magic of RSS Webfeeds. You can click on the links at the top of the page to subscribe to the RSS feed for either posts or comments in the newsreader of your choice, or check out the “Subscribe” heading in the left-hand navigational column and click the “RSS” icon. Alternately, you can click on any of the icons below it to add my site to a variety of popular feed-reading services. You can get updates on your My Yahoo!, My MSN, or Google homepage; add me to your Bloglines or Newsgator page; or even to your Livejournal friends list or your del.icio.us page, with just one click!

If the idea of getting Comics Curmudgeon updates automatically appeals to you but you have no idea what the hell anything in that last paragraph means, feel free to e-mail me and I’ll try to help you out.

Josh’s other comics projects. I do a bit of Comics Curmudgeoning on other sites as well. I write a weekly column called Cartoon Violence on Wonkette, a snarky political blog; it’s pretty much the same schtick as I do here, only with political cartoons, and lots more swearing, and it’s updated every Friday. I also write a short blurb called the Geek Comic of the Week for ITworld.com, a site that focuses on computers and IT; it focuses on Web comics and other cartoons outside of your daily paper with a geeky twist to them, and it’s updated every Sunday night.

Merchandising. Those smiling faces at the bottom of the ad bar aren’t just for show. They’re modeling delightful Comics Curmudgeon gear, which is available for purchase on CafePress! Yes, you can wear and/or drink out of merchandise reminding you of classic Comics Curmudgeon moments, such as “More zippers, mule!”, “In the absence of weights, I am employing isometrics”, Mark Trail’s licorice advice, “Roadside”, Fence Post Frank, inappropriate Chinese food eating banter, and Finger Quotin’ Margo madness, or you can proclaim your “Hat Man” status.

Advertising. Comics Curmudgeon readers are collectively the best people in the entire world, it goes without saying. Therefore, you’d be wise to market your product or service to them. And you can, by advertising on this site. Thanks to BlogAds, you can do so pretty easily. Click here to advertise in the left-hand nav bar; and, if you’d like to be the first to advertise in the new, premium spot at the top right of the screen, click here. I think you’ll find the rates quite reasonable!

Tipping. “Gosh,” you may very well be saying, “Josh does all this for me; what I can do to make his life a little easier?” Well, you can always put a bit of scratch in my virtual tip jar through the magic of PayPal. Rest assured that every dollar I get allows me to spend less time on my boring real job and more time putting hilarious stuff on my site. Click here to start!

Anyway, thanks to all of you for your support, readership, and hilarious commentary. I’m way too narcissistic to keep doing this without knowing that you’re all out there reading this, so keep it up!

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Mark Trail, 8/16/06

So, last week I was guest blogger at Wonkette, and despite my best efforts, I have been unable to convince them over there to remove my e-mail address from their tips alias. Thus, I get a seemingly endless stream of insane conspiracy theories, mass mailings from doomed political campaigns, and pissy, defensive e-mails from Alan Colmes. Most of them I just delete unread, but one particular item, about a moron who has been indicted for illegally shooting a bear in an enclosure with a crossbow, really stuck with me. I think it’s because, much like her demented owner, I have come to love Molly the trained tame miniature totally-would-not-exist-in-real-life bear from Mark Trail very much, and I grow deeply trepidatious that we’re going to see some similar peril in her immediate future. So watch out, poachers! Mess with Molly, and you’ve got me to answer to!

Gil Thorp, 8/16/06

It looks like our gymnastics coach is dispensing with all the “pretty on the inside” horsefeathers and preparing Riya for her true role in life: as the unattractive one, she gets to be the comic relief for the pretty one. And yes, only in the world of Gil Thorp is Keri “the pretty one.” I’m not sure if Scarface’s “you’re a fat hippo!” joke is a passive-aggressive snipe or just the sort of nonsensical and horribly misguided gag you make when you’re eight, but either way, I think Coach’s psychological warfare techniques need some improvement.

Dilbert, 8/16/06

Jesus, people, he’s spooning him, see? Thus the joke. Seriously, y’all are perverts.

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The Lockhorns, 8/15/06

Today’s Lockhorns is evidence of the feature’s unrelenting commitment to total authenticity. It’s not that one of them is right and the other cartoonishly wrong, you see; it’s that they are fundamentally incompatible, and yet married to one another. I’m not sure that this comic contains a joke per se; rather, Leroy and Loretta in a larger sense illustrate the basic reality that our lives and our interactions with others are fundamentally absurd. They seem preternaturally inured to the hollowness of it all, but it’s often a wonder to me how their marriage counselor keeps from slitting his wrists.

Herb and Jamaal, 8/15/06

Today’s Herb and Jamaal is like a magpie fascinated by a shiny object and unable to divert its attention from it. In this case, clearly the polysemous nature of the word “cell” — you see, it could refer to a cellular phone, or a prison cell! — provided an irony too delicious to pass up, no matter the fundamental problems of narrative that this gag presents. For instance, last I checked, you can’t actually call someone in his cell, because prisoners aren’t allowed to have personal phones. Of course, sometimes corrupt guards smuggle phones in to the inmates, but these are generally — you guessed it — cell phones. There’s a potential joke here about calling someone both in and on his cell, but clearly Herb and Jamaal doesn’t have the stomach for an exploration of the deficiencies of the American incarceration industry.

Anyway, despite the fact that the strip is totally unable to string 50 words in a row without creating a major plot hole, the whole thing is made worthwhile by Herb’s hilarious reaction shot in the final panel, right? Oh, wait a minute, no it isn’t.

Kudzu, 8/15/06

Don’t feel too bad, though, Herb and Jamaal: for all your failings today, at least you didn’t do a can’t-program-the-VCR joke.