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The Phantom, 8/26/05

Apartment 3-G, 8/26/05

Yes, it’s true: whether your man is facing backwards or forwards, and whether you’re about to get dumped by your boyfriend due to some arbitrary chunk of narrative convenience or about to get involuntarily drugged and have your memories purged by a purple-latex-clad freak and his pygmy sidekick, there’s nothing that starts the weekend off right better than a nice hug. Hugs to all of you, Curmudgeon readers!

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Mary Worth, 8/25/05

I think JEFF IS IMPATIENT because you’ve been going out for years and the nights are still ending with a chaste peck on the cheek, Mary. Rita is just the latest excuse you’ve been able to throw into his horny path. I don’t think even your pink-psychedelic-starfish-t-shirt-and-pleated-baby-blue-skirt combo is going to dissuade him from his quixotic goal. He’s already at home, surfing the Internet with his one-handed, 19-key keyboard, looking for dirt on Rita to get her out of the picture. Maybe if there were a little more action going on, he wouldn’t need a one-handed keyboard, if you know what I’m saying.

By the way, if you want to see ol’ Dr. Jeff busting a move on Mary, check out this entry on Smitty Smedlap’s blog, Subdivided We Stand. Very disturbing.

Wouldn’t Wilbur the bald-headed advice columnist be a good person to consult for guidance in this situation? Perhaps; but a look over at Gil Thorp reveals that the legendary Marty Moon, insane with grief over the failure of his charity-based romance, has cut off one of Wilbur’s hirsute arms and is having someone slap him in the eye with it:

All this drama has been having a negative effect on Apartment 3-G’s Lu Ann over the past few days. Especially the head part of Lu Ann. Watch out, everybody, she’s gonna blow!

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Hagar the Horrible, 8/25/05

If I’ve ever complained about the lack of historical accuracy in Hagar the Horrible, I take it all back. In comic strips that take place in pre-modern times, there’s certain aspects of the setting that make for fun jokes (like funny clothes and technical backwardness) and certain aspects that do not (like pressuring your underage children into marriage).

Tune in next week when Honi dies in childbirth at the age of 19. Oh, the hilarity!

All this Viking daughter-pimping hasn’t distracted me from today’s special guest appearance in Rex Morgan, M.D., though:

Secret talks with oil barons? Fixed intelligence on Iraq? Tender, delicious puppies, cooked just the way he likes them? That’s right, baby: Dick Cheney always gets what he wants.