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Mary Worth, 2/13/05

Now, I know what you’ve been thinking: “Apartment 3-G and Mark Trail are all well and good, but what really packs ’em in the seats is Mary Worth. So where’s she been, huh?” Well, while Mark’s been battling sharks and drug runners, and Apartment 3-G has been all pregnant high schoolers and white slavery, exactly nothing of any even remote interest has been happening in the excruciating slow-motion romance of Anna and Dr. Brian. After something like ten weeks of cow eyes and Richard Bach quotes, at the beginning of February things finally seemed to be looking up when Brian’s high-powered lawyer ex-wife declared her intention to win his love back by any means necessary. However, her efforts fizzled in less than a week (which in Mary Worth chronology is an increment of time so brief that it can only be measured by the most precise atomic clocks) when Brian reminded her that they got divorced because they didn’t get along and had different interests. I’m glad she’s not my lawyer. (“And isn’t true that you lied about seeing my client at the crime scene?” “Objection, your honor!” “Oh, never mind, he’s guilty anyway.”) Then, as Dr. Brian said his final good-bye to his ex, they engaged in a brief, post-marital hug, which Anna spied; this raised the spectre of that least exciting of romantic complications, the Big Misunderstanding. However, after another brief week, Anna had bought her beau’s explanation, and horrid, treacly bliss was restored. Unless Brian’s ex is lurking back at his place with a gun, it looks like smooth sailing until the wedding, which should take place sometime in 2009.

A couple of artistic notes: We all know about Anna’s chameleon-like nature, but the woman in the rightmost panel in the second row is not the same woman who’s in the other panels of this strip. That version of Anna seems to be thinking: “The collagen injections into my lips didn’t go so well, but I’m not sure how to react.” Meanwhile, “happy” isn’t how I would describe the good doctor’s expression in the leftmost panel of the bottom row. I believe the word that Anna is looking for is “smug.”

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I’m guessing that there are a lot of you who often read this site and think to yourselves, “Gosh, I’d love to kick a buck or two Josh’s way,” but you haven’t purchased any of the Comics Curmudgeon store items because:

1. You think they’re poorly designed or in bad taste.
2. Your religion considers the logos to be “graven images.”
3. You’re not going to be a walking billboard for some jerk on the Web, man.

Well, fear not: now you can just send me your money directly and get nothing in return! I know, it sounds to good to be true. The only catch is that you need to set up a PayPal account to do so, which you know you’ve all already done so that you can buy antique Hummel figurines on eBay and what not. Just click on the donate link on the sidebar.

Of course, if you have purchased some Comics Curmudgeon stuff, I again urge you to photograph yourself using it, so you too can be world famous like Dalton here. And speaking of Dalton, I urge any of you who are troubled by any questions whatsoever to pose them to Dalton on his exciting new Website, askmeanything.org.

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Herb and Jamaal, 2/12/05

Ever since last year’s terrible comics cull, I’ve found my job (and I’m using the word “job” loosely here) of reading the comics so you don’t have to a little tougher. I’ve finally come to the conclusion that, though the best of the serials went into my Houston Chronicle custom comics page right away, my art (and I’m using the word “art” loosely here) suffers from the absence of even those crappy comics that I didn’t think I’d miss. So now they’re all back in the rotation, including such longtime non-faves as Dennis the Menace, Marmaduke, Ziggy, and, of course Herb and Jamaal.

So here it is: did ya miss it? Maybe it’s just because I saw Bad Education last night, but all I have to say about this comic is that you’d think we’d be a little less cavalier these days about depicting priests praying to be “filled with … worthwhile stuff.” Aaaah, hatin’ on poor old Herb and Jamaal: it’s good to be back.