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Mary Worth, 6/28/24

I’ve been accused, with perhaps some justification, of being a “coastal elitist”. It’s hard to keep track of what interests do or don’t make you fit that category: my sense of the vibes are that pleasure craft like Dr. Jeff’s are considered “real America” rather than “coastal elitist” coded, despite the fact that they are very expensive and you literally need access to a coastline to enjoy one. This is my way of saying that I don’t actually know much about boats, but I feel like I know enough to say that this one is very big, right? Like in terms of boats owned by retired, mildly successful doctors? Back in the old days Dr. Jeff’s boat was decently sized but it didn’t really loom over you the way this one does. Anyway, Wilbur has experienced not one but two very traumatic large-boat-related incidents, and it would certainly be entertaining if the extremely tentative emotional stability engendered by the prospect of this well-attended fish funeral were shattered by a full-on panic attack.

Alice, 6/28/24

Ever since I’ve gotten on my Alice kick a few months ago, I’ve been sharing with you the “wow, this strip sure is weird!” ones but sparing you the ones that are like “these modern times are new and scary, things were simpler way back then!” So I have to say, this wasn’t the first strip I thought would take the position “Enh, people aren’t very good at most stuff, let’s give the robots a try,” but truly I always appreciate a zig where I expect a zag.

Family Circus, 6/28/24

I understand the Keanes are conservative and don’t think their kids are ready to learn the truth about where babies come from, but I’m telling you, in the absence of solid facts children will come up with some truly wild and frankly very unsettling ideas about how the world works.

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Gearhead Gertie, 6/27/24

I find Gertie’s husband extremely relatable here. Sometimes, when your loved one just shouts jargon from their special interest that just sounds like gibberish to you, you’ve got to use a very basic, widely understood term from the same topic area to simultaneously hook them in but tether them to the wider world. We’ve all been there! Also, I love to relax on the couch after a long day at work and read from a giant scroll.

Crock, 6/27/24

Despite my many jokes about the historical strips, I don’t actually expect Hagar the Horrible to be an accurate depiction of life in Viking-era Scandinavia, nor do I think Crock should adhere to the historical realities of French colonial North Africa; indeed, I recognize that the anachronisms are in fact the intended fun of the strip. That said, I would hope that the strips’ creators would give a little thought to world-building that goes beyond “these guys live in the desert so they have … sand in their underwear? probably?”

Beetle Bailey, 6/27/24

Man, I assumed those particles coming out of Beetle’s mouth in panel one indicated that he had eaten a bit of Cookie’s cooking and was immediately spitting the half-masticated food back into the buffet. But then I learned in panel two that he hasn’t eaten any of the food yet! Which is somehow much worse! Because what is that then

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Gil Thorp, 6/26/24

It took me a long time staring at the the first panel to put together what’s going on here: Gil’s new squeeze Beth was a server at some instance of “the awards” when Mimi and her new girlfriend were in attendance (not sure when this was? not last year’s Jack Berrill Coach of the Year, I don’t think); having already decided to make Gil her own, she memorized the wine preferences along with all other relevant data points about every woman there within two degrees of sexual separation from him. But now, she has moved from mere waitress to girlfriend, achieving victory, and can get wet and eat after midnight, if you know what I mean! Triumph is Beth’s! Triumph! (“The world of heterosexuals is a sick and boring life,” Mimi’s girlfriend says sadly as the two take their leave from this overt and frankly upsetting display of man/woman love.)

Beetle Bailey, 6/26/24

Beetle is, of course, a dedicated somnophile, ready to sleep in any situation, social niceties be damned. It’s bad enough that he flaunts his ways in the newspaper where children can see, but today we’ve learned that Miss Buxley is ready to follow his example and join him in his sick lifestyle.

Alice, 6/26/24

It’s been 30+ years so I can admit that it always bothered me a little that in some X-Files episodes the mysterious entities they encountered would be sci-fi things like space aliens and in other episodes they were horror things like vampires. Now, of course, I was willing to overlook it there because Mulder and Scully were beautiful and real and my friends, but Alice has not built up that level of goodwill with me and I will not accept the proposition that these weird little green guys are aliens but also ghosts. And literary ghosts at that, from “A Christmas Carol!” (That’s an 1843 novella by Charles Dickens, if you haven’t heard of it.)