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Dennis the Menace, 4/27/22

I guess you eventually get bored revealing your parents’ shit-talk in front of their guests and have to move onto some real hardcore menacing, like playing sick mind games with your pets. Hot Dog has always been by far the secondary Mitchell critter, but Dennis knows how to turn his fickle charms on a dime to real cause emotional chaos. Dennis’s praise boils down to “I like you because, like me, you don’t have emotional attachments,” but Hot Dog clearly is overjoyed to briefly be the center of attention. Ruff, meanwhile, is utterly devastated by this development.

Blondie, 4/27/22

Look, obviously comics are a visually whimsical medium and part of the gimmick of Blondie is the contrast in the cartoonish proportions of tall and gangly Dagwood and short and stumpy Mr. Dithers. But for some reason I think it’s pretty jarring to make it very obvious that Dithers’s shoulders are level with the countertop, and somehow putting a photorealistic coffeemaker on that countertop just makes it worse.

Dick Tracy, 4/27/22

Ha, yes, if there’s one thing the cops are always very concerned about it’s the violent drama among marginal criminal characters. “Well, we let the guy who kidnapped your girlfriend back on the street,” says Dick, “but if he causes more trouble, have you considered calling the police? The non-emergency number, please.”

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Mary Worth, 4/26/22

Oh snap, shocking twist! Young Helen used to be young Ian’s … student? Coworker? It’s honestly not clear to me how old either of them is supposed to be now, or whatever the age that each of them is supposed to be is the same as the age the other one is supposed to be, or if they’re 10 or 20 years apart or what. But the point is that clearly she and Ian have some unfinished emotional business, as hinted at on Sunday. I can’t decide which possibility I like better: that the two of them had a torrid pre-Toby relationship, or if Helen was a student who had an unconsummated crush on Ian and is so upset with Toby now because she can’t stand to see another smitten young person being emotionally toyed with by yet another Professor Cameron.

Also, it’s worth (ha!) noting that Ian and Toby moved into Charterstone relatively recently, by which I mean 42 years ago but also they appeared to be roughly the same ages then that they are now. So I certainly hope that Helen moved across the country from wherever she lived before and got this community college gig specifically for Ian-stalking purposes.

Shoe, 4/26/22

Ha ha, yes, it’s funny because Roz is experiencing significant financial difficulties, but mostly I want to point out that her last name doesn’t appear on either the Shoe (comic) Wikipedia page or her character page on the official Shoe website. Either there’s some real deep lore held securely at MacNellyCo HQ that only the strip’s highly paid team of gag writers are allowed to access, or today’s gag writer just decided to call an audible and BAM! “Roz Specklehen” is canon now! Who says you can’t make your mark in this world?

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Gil Thorp, 4/25/22

We all know the sad story of Gregg, the pitcher who secretly can’t see. Now we’re learning that his dad desperately doesn’t want to be seen. Is there a correlation here? Is the father secretly slipping blinding pills (?) into his son’s meals so he can live the unperceived life he dreams of? Is Gregg spending all day staring into the sun as an act of love for his dad? This is Gil Thorp’s weirdest and most byzantine family drama yet!

Daddy Daze, 4/25/22

I’ve never parented a toddler so I might be getting outside my lane here, but … like … he’s a toddler, man. Or a baby? Honestly I’m not sure where the dividing line is and where the magical Daddy Daze child lands in relation to it, but, still: Did you really expect him to catch a frisbee? I honestly would be very much less surprised by a baby trying to carry a frisbee in his mouth than I would be by a baby actually catching a frisbee. I can barely catch a frisbee.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 4/24/22

“Haw haw! My marriage is in a shambles!” [everyone’s tongue lolls grotesquely]