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Mary Worth, 5/2/21

I am honestly not sure where this is going, by which I mean that I am honestly not sure how stupid we’re supposed to think Dr. Drew is! Like, is this a transparent flirtation, with the unlikely “Oh, your amateur photography will be like your medical mission!” pitch just the flimsiest possible pretext to exchange phone numbers as a prelude to boning? Juliette Binoche’s quote up top seems to imply this! On the other hand, Drew is quite dumb, so it’s possible that he’s taken Ashlee’s words to heart and now thinks that there’s more than one way to heal: you can do it with a scalpel, or with a camera and the full set of Instagram filters. This will lull him into a false sense of complacency when Ashlee lures him to the remote, picturesque waterfall where her accomplices will harvest his organs, which will allow him to heal a number of fabulously wealthy Russian oligarchs and/or Gulf emirs, when you think about it.

Marvin, 5/2/21

Wow, Marvin just had the craziest, most unlikely dream: his family wanted to spend time with him! Oh, and he also violated various copyrights held by Hanna-Barbera Productions, Inc., I guess.

Shoe, 5/2/21

GOD DAMN IT ROZ YOU’RE A BIRD

EVERYONE IN THIS STRIP IS A BIRD

YOU’VE GOT FEATHERS IN YOUR DRAIN, ROZ

NOT HAIR, FEATHERS

GOD DAMN IT

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Mother Goose and Grimm, 5/1/21

Hey there! Did it ever occur to you, in your (I assume) decades of reading the syndicated newspaper comic strip Mother Goose and Grimm, that the title characters (a goose and a dog who talk and live typical suburban human lifestyles) are named after the mythical Mother Goose of storytelling lore and the Brothers Grimm, who collected European folktales, respectively? Probably not, because it’s almost never been relevant to the action or jokes … unti today! Ha ha, it’s been a wild ride with this strip over the past 36 years, but it was all worth it to deliver this delightful storybook-themed punchline. Anyway, it will stop production forever after this week, RIP Mother Goose and Grimm.

Family Circus, 5/1/21

Ma Keane’s little smile is truly chilling to me. “Finally,” she’s thinking, “it knows what it is … and what it isn’t.”

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Hell yeah it’s your comment of the week!

“This plugger seems to be jiggling both the toilet handle and his genitals simultaneously. And both for the same reason: to avoid having to pay money to a professional.” –Joe Blevins

Hell yeah it’s your hilarious runners up!

“Even by Family Circus standards, ‘I love my dead grandpa‘ is a punchline so weak you could use it in homeopathy.” –Schroduck

“There aren’t enough comments about the totally awkward position Granddad’s ghost has taken up in the background of the last panel. And it is bugging the heck out of me! He is leaning back against the wall, but while his form is in contact with the wall it is not disturbing the curtain. And why would a ghost need to lean on anything? You’re non-corporeal, you can just float. Do ghosts get tired enough that they occasionally need to lean on things? How’m I suppose to suspend my disbelief when it gets challenged so?” –The Mighty Captain E

“The problem with Family Circus is that just the first two panels would have made an incredibly funny comic. Know when to stop adding, Jeff!” –Dan

“Forget about Kitty Cop, let’s hear the ‘fascinating’ story of how Buck’s job works because this oh-so ‘interesting’ character must included at all times, even when he’s not physically present!” –2+2=7

“I understand that Dustin is merely closing the car door, but I prefer to see it as him affectionately patting the car. ‘Who doesn’t treat me like shit? Yeah, you don’t. You can’t hate me, you can’t hate anything. Don’t ever leave me.’” –The Rambling Otter

“I really try for a Wes Anderson vibe in here, and of course I demand they not give me those cowardly thorn-free roses. They’d kick me out of the coven. What would Joy Division think? What you should be asking why Rockabilly Womp Rat wants to frame me.” –jerp jump

“The elderly bystander, played by veteran character actor Tom Skerritt, appears to be a Doordash cyclist. If so, this probably doesn’t crack the top 5 weirdest things he’s seen on the job.” –Navigator

“Gertie has the terrified eyes and frozen smile of someone who realizes they’re going to subject her to the whole story.” –A. Mulyak

“Oh, it’s okay to look at Michelle and Jordan now, because they no longer need their privacy? I don’t agree. Michelle is certainly not fully dressed, and Jordan just shouldn’t be seen in those indecent sweatpants. Wait, a tucked-in tee-shirt, with sweatpants? Yeah, I’m telling you, I really, really didn’t need to see this.” –made of wince

“The People’s Clinic, Santa Royale’s only true Marxist-Leninist medical center, no matter what those revisitionsts at the Royalian Democratic Clinic tell you!” –pugfuggly

“Don’t give up on your dreams, they have teenagers in Africa too!” –BananaSam

“Not a word about Blondie’s fading eyesight? She’s doing a large print 3×3 sudoko.” –Hibbleton

“Dithers has found a form of ‘negging’ that is more disgusting than the sexual one.” –Ettorre

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