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Dustin, 3/28/21

I was going to start this post with “Did … did the manufacturer of warfarin write this comic” and then do a whole riff about how this seven year old kid may not need a blood thinner but the geriatrics who represent the biggest cohort among newspaper comics reader just might, but then I checked out warfarin’s Wikipedia article and found out it’s a generic drug, so that doesn’t really work. It’s just funnier if you get to use the actual name of a pharmaceutical conglomerate, you know? Anyway, I also learned that the warfarin was originally developed as a rat poison, its most common side effect is “bleeding,” and it can also cause something called “purple toes syndrome,” so, honestly, it really does need some good press.

Blondie, 3/28/21

The premise of the main gag of this comic is pointless — why would Mr. Dithers need a drone to keep tabs on Dagwood when there’s literally an entire sector of the software industry dedicated to producing spyware that bosses can use to keep tabs on their workers? — but I have to admit I found the throwaway panels, in which Dagwood reacts to a video poker website with more excitement and engagement than he’s ever demonstrated towards his career or his family, haunting enough that today’s strip will stick with me for weeks.

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Dustin, 3/27/21

For a brief moment, I thought today’s Dustin was an example of that lowest form of comic strip humor: a character in a strip being tasked with making a dumb joke more appealing by reacting to it as if it’s funny, which is it isn’t. But then I remembered that Dustin’s dad is a lawyer! Turns out Dustin’s dad isn’t just an asshole; he also hates his son as much as his son hates his children, which is honestly a best case scenario for the next few weeks of this strip as far as I’m concerned. Let’s get beyond passive aggression into pure chaos!

Funky Winkerbean, 3/27/21

You know what would make this strip a lot funnier? If you could see Harry’s face in panel two, and there were, like, tons of blood flowing out of his mouth and down his chin as he cheerfully declared “I got the gig!” And then panel three was cut out entirely. Well, I’m not sure if “funnier” is quite the right word, but I think we can all agree it’d be better.

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Folks, it’s Friday, and that means it’s COTW day!

“Is this really the best time to cosplay as the Mad Hatter? I can’t blame Mr. Lilly for losing it. ‘Fifteen cents? And the price tag won’t even stay in one place? I don’t know what kind of drugs they have me on, but you’re not gonna testify against the Knave of Hearts if I can help it, you hear me? Go eat a teacup, doll face!’” –made of wince

And your runners up are also showcased today! Very funny!

“I can easily imagine Jeffy spending months just staring out the window, totally blank expression on his face. And, sure, we can pretend he’s thinking about tulips that whole time.” –Joe Blevins

“I firmly believe that if you are going to give Jeffy at least a faint hope of having functional elbows in the fall and winter, you should not cruelly yank that possibility away in the springtime.” –Poteet

“We don’t see so much of the women coaches, but this brief girls’ basketball storyline shows they’re more than a match for the men when it comes to half-assed motivation. Using implied threats to force players to celebrate the aftermath of a defeat is a morale booster Gil himself would be proud of.” –Schroduck

“Okay, I was able to track down a St. Hilaire and a St. Hilary, but no St. Hilarie. Is Dick Tracy allowed to create its own pantheon now? Will we start seeing fund drives for the St. Pruneface School for the Criminally Deformed?” –Pozzo

“That’s right, Harry L. Dinkle, and the L stands for Lyrical! Now, where’s that organ … ha, I kid, I know it’s that thing with the pipes and keyboard. Whata beaut! Gonna get some good sound offa that baby. OK, ladies, sit back and hold on to your garters, for here’s a little piece I call … Erschallet, ihr Lieder, erklinget, ihr Saiten! Yeah, I guess I should have said sit Bach, you get it? She gets it. Oh, I kill me.” –Voshkod

“Look, I’m trying here. I really am. But you can’t have a strip about Dinkle and the organ and expect us to hold off on penis jokes forever.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“There is a lady with half-lidded Garfield eyes on the right side of the first panel of Funky who looks like she is already just … so … over this we-need-an-organist arc. I’m afraid it’s just getting started, ma’am.” –jenna

“Does a bear shit in the woods? (No, but his wife wishes he did.)” –BigTed

“A plugger puts the seat down if he knows that what’s good for him is fiber, and that’s a big if. Otherwise he can leave it up for days.” –nescio

This looks less like people birdwatching and more like a scene cut from that Alfred Hitchcock film. No-one seems to be that worried, which I guess is understandable: if I lived in a universe centered around a pun-loving nitwit of a kid, I’d probably welcome death too.” –pugfuggly

“The international System of Units had to invent a new unit measure to describe how little menace there is in a six-year-old boy enjoying bird-watching.” –Ettorre

“To celebrate Women’s History Month, Blondie features a woman with her own business and a woman who will resort to physical coercion in order to finally land a husband. You’ve come a long way, baby!” –Larry McAwful

“I don’t think I’ve ever before seen Family Circus so clearly created as a vehicle to express ‘my kids are morons,’ now of course in its second generation continuing as ‘we were, and possibly still are, morons.’” –Chance

“Anyway, here is the pose for the delightfully humorous cake topper we’ve picked out! We also have a sign for the ring bearer saying ‘last chance to run,’ ball-and-chain table decorations, and a fun pop quiz for the reception: ‘Is Dean getting married because a) he’s afraid of dying alone, b) he’s never figured out how to take care of himself and needs a replacement mom, c) pressure to conform to societal expectations or d) all of the above?’” –TheDiva

Oh, also, you’ll remember that earlier today I posited that the central figure in today’s Blondie was a caricature of someone specific. Well, faithful reader Zla’od did a little detective work and figured out exactly who that specific person is. The answer, given the “family business” nature of the comics, may not surprise you!

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