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Crankshaft, 2/7/21

I’m not such a stickler for detail that I’m opposed to a comic strip being established via in-strip dialog as taking plance on a different day of the week than the strip actually runs in the real world, but I do think that you sort of have to have a good reason for doing so, because it’s going to cause a little niggling of dissonance for the reader. Take today’s strip, for example; it’s a Sunday strip — something the format makes impossible to ignore — but within the world of the strip itself, it’s taking place on Thursday. At least the joke it’s in service of is very funny, right? Well, no, not really. But doesn’t the joke require the full muti-panel treatment that only a Sunday strip can provide? I’m afraid that’s not true either.

Dennis the Menace, 2/7/21

When margarine was first introduced to the U.S. in the late 1800s, the butter lobby pushed to undermine sales of it. For a while, it was mandated that pink food coloring be added to it to make its artificial and presumably less appetizing nature clear; though that law was struck down by the Supreme Court, other laws taxed margarine that had yellow food coloring added to make it look more butter-like. What I’m trying to say is that I wonder if today’s Dennis the Menace was the end product of a long, tortuous negotiations that ended with the editors saying that yes, fine, you can do an entire Sunday strip about Dennis picking his nose and even graphically depict boogers, but you have to depict said boogers in a bright yellow color found in no booger that has ever been extracted from a human nose.

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Dick Tracy, 2/6/21

Ahh yes, it’s Pouch, the beloved ancillary Dick Tracy character/criminal informant/balloon merchant who’s named after the utterly horrifying pendulous curtain of flesh hanging off his chin, which has a pouch with a snap where he can hide things. Anyway, if you’re like me, which is to say extremely normal, after a lot of strips where Pouch is loitering in the park, selling his balloons and/or information about underworld activity, you’ve probably wondered, “Say, what’s Pouch’s home life like?” Well, today’s Dick Tracy is here to report that it is in fact pretty bleak, since his “home” appears to be a seedy hotel and all he has for entertainment is a police scanner disguised as a Star Trek: The Original Series tricorder. His helium tank sitting in the corner is a nice touch though! Something I definitely have never wondered about is what his weird, gross neck pouch would like from the perspective of someone standing over his shoulder, but one of you sickos must’ve thought about this, because today’s strip is forcing us to contemplate it.

Funky Winkerbean, 2/6/21

Mel Brooks once said that “Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.” That’s the only logic I can discern as the driver to this strip, in which Funky, who lives in a universe of constant misery, illness, and death, has deemed a successful minor surgery that will immediately improve his quality of life a “tragedy.” Anyway, I certainly hope this aide is saying “lucky you” right as he gives Funky a gentle shove into off the curb and into oncoming traffic.

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It’s your first comment of the week of the shortest month! Highly anticipated!

“It’s so great that every student has a different expression. As touched as I am by the elephant’s wistful struggle to understand, my favorite is that duck, clearly having to work very hard but utterly determined to Get It.” –Poteet

And your very funny runners up!

“Hagar may be a mass murdering pirate who targets defenseless peasants, but his worst crime? His dislike of Fleetwood Mac.” –Evelyn Waughluigi, on Twitter

“Crock and Outlook are certainly made from the same material (i.e., deleted scenes from March or Die that were left on the cutting room floor for violating sundry international treaties).” –Wayne Ferrebee, on Twitter

“At first I thought Slylock was sitting in the chair backwards to look cool for the kids, but then I realized with his voluminous tail that’s the only way he could sit in the human designed chair.” –nescio

“Feeling called out now for owning commemorative Snuffy Smith® hand towels.” –The Great Joe Bivins

“The real question is: why would Weirdly be throwing soup cans through windows? Petty crimes and vandalism are more Slick Smitty’s department. Weirdly would use the pea soup as blood for the giant vegetable golem he’s constructing in the dungeon of his ominous castle.” –TheDiva

“Despite it’s age, Gasoline Alley still manages to keep current by giving its characters cell phones and making them ‘raise the roof’ periodically.” –pugfuggly

“I don’t know exactly what’s happening here either. But I do know one thing: the lady in the blue T-shirt did not ask.” –Joe Blevins

“I was going to try to craft a joke around a fake doctor wearing a head mirror because all he can think of is the antiquated stereotype, so I thought I would Google up the technical name for them. To my utter disappointment the technical name is ‘head mirror.’ No wonder so many people turn to quackery.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Interesting that ‘License-Grantin’ License’ is the only one with colloquial spelling. I guess they didn’t want to telegraph the joke, but there’s no way Doc Pritchart knows how to spell ‘Optometry.’” –Pozzo

“A true friend will help you set up a gag, no matter how far-fetched. Shoe knows perfectly well the Perfesser has never had a girlfriend.” –Peanut Gallery

“He had muscles in places I don’t even have places! That’s what GMO gets you, man, these massive chickens with eight legs and muscle meat. Me, I’m free range, raised on scotch and Doritos. Quality meat.” –Voshkod

“Kids these days will ‘bust a sag.’ But pluggers ‘bust a sad‘ … ammirite?” –grsblvnyk

“I’d like to point out that the caterpillars in Six Chix are not fuzzy. The Wooly Bear is a fuzzy caterpillar; these are not. The proper punchline would be ‘chilly and pulpy.’” –BeckoningChasm

“‘I might die on the operating table,’ thought Funky, ‘and damn it, I’m not going to have it end here without fulfilling my lifelong dream of committing sexual harassment predicated by stupid word play.’” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Somewhere out there a junior brand manager who thought a sponsored name drop in Gil Thorp would be an edgy and cost-effective way to raise Mountain Dew’s brand awareness in a key demographic clears her morning schedule to try and get Neal Rubin on the phone so she can tell him ‘I don’t know what the hell that’s supposed to mean, but I’m certain it’s not what we discussed.’” –Francisco Arrowroot

“I just want to announce that I’ve actually spent time trying to figure out whether the hands on the strollers in today’s Marvin have human-norm four fingers or cartoon-norm three. O, when is this pandemic ever going to end?!” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

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