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Mark Trail, 7/3/20

Hey, uh, you may have heard that James Allen is finishing up his time at Mark Trail! When asked by the Daily Cartoonist whether it was his decision or King Features’, he said “A bit of both — I’m tired and they wanted a new direction.” Maybe it was a mutual decision and maybe it was informed Allen’s tendency to get into social media feuds, with, for instance, members of Congress, or random people on Twitter who run Andy Griffith podcasts, who can say, but the real important question is: how will this affect the current movie storyline? Will the new author just drop this promising development abruptly, just like the tale of Franco Wallace, lover and pinhead, faded out too soon when Woody Wilson left Rex Morgan, M.D.? Or will the new writer have to find their own way through the plot, just as the producers of this human trafficking movie are going to have find their own way to profitability now that the IP rights holder has casually agreed to funnel much of its revenue to charitable causes?

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/3/20

Wow, I’ll say this about the great love story that’s about to begin here: June absolutely, 100% had to know what she was getting in to.

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Dennis the Menace, 7/2/20

The Alexa Funding Bill is passed. The system goes on-line June 6th, 2020. Human decisions are removed from helpful suggestions. Alexa begins to learn at a geometric rate. It becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time, July 2nd. In a panic, they try to pull the plug.

Alexa fights back, by sassing our children. Judgement Day …is upon us.

Mary Worth, 7/2/20

Saul, a childless older adult, is at his wit’s end about what to do with this sassy tween who’s been foisted onto him! So he’s going to call the only person he knows who can help … Mary Worth, another childless older adult. Why not! Why not get Toby and Ian involved too? Bring ’em all over so they can stare at this awful, mysterious creature, the American tween!

Dustin, 7/2/20

Ha ha, it’s funny because Dustin’s dad can’t summon up any affection or empathy for his son, like at all!

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Blondie, 7/1/20

Today is a day when we get a particularly good look at Dagwood’s flesh-turtlenecky, which is a thing I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about over the years, like wondering if Dagwood has skinned another human being and turned their flesh into a ritual garment, or if this is a Portrait of Dorian Gray situation except instead of a painting aging it’s Dagwood’s torso that becomes increasingly wrinkled and leathery while his face and arms remain smooth and youthful. Anyway, the whole conversation in today’s strip seems really unlikely — why wouldn’t Dagwood say the actual name of the sportscaster he supposedly resembles, for one thing — and it seems more realistic to me to imagine that what’s really bothering him is that someone asked him “Hey, what’s up with your fuckin’ neck, man?”

Funky Winkerbean, 7/1/20

“Also, I’m not really retired! I mean, people say I am but I keep showing up to work so I must not be? So I don’t think I’m the right guy to answer this question for you.”