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Mary Worth, 10/28/25

Wow, did you know that Dr. Jeff doesn’t even like seafood? Did you know he’s just been choking it down every other week for years, just for a chance to spend an hour or two in Mary’s presence? She knows it, too. “My sole filet is delicious. How are your scallops tonight, Jeff?” she asks, knowing that they make him want to puke, but it doesn’t matter. She’s already filleted his soul. Maybe that’s why he bought his boat: he thought that if she loved fish so much, surely she’d love being on the open water with him even more. And maybe he’ll eventually find the courage to simply head out to sea and never come back.

Dennis the Menace, 10/28/25

You know, everyone seems to be enjoying whatever it is Dennis whipped up in the blender, and sure, Joey’s an idiot, but he’s also a feeble little boy who probably couldn’t handle something really disgusting, and Gina’s always been the most sensible character in the cast. There isn’t even any mess on the counter! None of this is menacing at all! The colorists had to make the smoothie or whatever it is a weird set of hues just to imply some menacing, but it’s not working on me. I don’t buy it!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 10/28/25

An economic landscape where it’s somehow economically advantageous for a dentist to drum up more business by ruining kids’ teeth, but also advantageous for a doctor to invest in preventative care, seems unspeakably perverse, so I’m going to avoid doing the kind of research that I fear will tell me that it’s exactly the system we operate within today.

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Crankshaft, 10/27/25

“I mean, I get it! We’re all thinking it. We’re all thinking about the guy who dresses up in pizza boxes and how he’s mortal, and how he’s going to die someday, maybe right here in our restaurant. We’re all thinking about how we might have to pull these pizza boxes off his corpse and look at his face, for the first and last time. We all think about it all the time! But we don’t talk about it. You’ve got to learn not to talk about it.”

Hi and Lois, 10/27/25

“We also text each other about our husbands! Uh, all good stuff.”

Dustin, 10/27/25

“Anyway, long story short, I ruined my laptop.”

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Crankshaft, 10/26/25

Mr. Crankshaft, I know Dagwood Bumstead. Dagwood Bumstead is a friend of mine. He puts together comically large foodstuffs that no ordinary human could even get their mouth around, let alone chew. Those are just normal-ass pastries you bought at a gas station. Mr. Crankshaft, you’re no Dagwood Bumstead.

Pardon My Planet, 10/26/25

I love the contrast between the blond guy at the bar and the bartender as this strip’s beloved (?) Bitter Late-Middle-Aged Man unloads a monologue that’s dark even by Pardon My Planet standards. The young man sees how grim this is and is genuinely disturbed; the bartender, who spends his existence serving up brain-numbing hooch to the hateful drunks who populate the PMPiverse, has long ago become numb to this sort of thing.

Marvin, 10/26/25

“Hello neighbors! I want to offer you nothing but love and compassion. Anyway, it’s come to my attention that some of you are leaving the hallways smeared with feces.” Perfect Marvin strip, no notes.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/26/25

Writing a syndicated newspaper comic strip is of course a great way to write off the cost of a cruise on your taxes as “research,” but remember, you don’t always have to aim so high. Do you want to draw an almost perfectly realistic plate of delicious pad thai? Well then, you’d have to order some delicious pad thai, wouldn’t you? You know, for professional reasons! It sure does look great, doesn’t it, Augie? Just like the real thing!