Panel from Slylock Fox, 8/3/14
I’m actually, genuinely sad that Slylock’s usual soulless ratiocination didn’t end up benefitting Slick Smitty this time around. “Sorry, everyone, you paid to see the singing clam, and it’s logically impossible to prove a negative, so we can’t rule out the possibility that you saw a singing clam while it happened to not be singing. Welp, off to solve more crimes!” How do you think Slylock “convinced” Slick Smitty refund all the money? Was it via biting? Was there biting involved?
Panel from Heathcliff, 8/3/14
Guys, I don’t think I really cover Heathcliff’s “Kitty Korner” often enough on this blog. There’s some real drama that goes down in these supposedly adorable cat anecdotes. Real drama. Girl, your boyfriend is no good and your cat knows it, is what I’m trying to say.
Panel from Dennis the Menace, 8/3/14
HAHA THE LADIES THEY KEEP SCREWING UP THE JOB THEIR GENDER ASSIGNED TO THEM AMIRGHT FELLAS BUT WHAT’RE YA GONNA DO IT’S NOT LIKE YOU’RE GOING TO COOK OR ANYTHING
I kind of like the fact that the nonconsensual photo of a drunken senator taken in panel one, which will presumably be posted on various social media platforms and go viral for certain low-grade political scandal definitions of “viral,” isn’t really remarked upon by anyone here, except as a launching point for a terrible bit of wordplay. And why should the senator care? Used to be that a guy — even someone with an important job — could spend his afternoon enjoying a beer or six and nobody would think twice. Used to be that a guy dressed up in a fucking wizard costume in the middle of a restaurant would get a lot more disapproving looks than an upstanding, suit-wearing citizen who happened to be getting a little buzz on. I guess times really have changed, though I’m not sure if technology is the culprit here.
Port-o-Johns rent for $85 a month if you want them serviced every other week, so I’m not quite sure Heathcliff’s owner-grandpa’s math really checks out. If he really wanted to save money, they could just let him use their bathroom? I could see why they’d be hesitant to go down that route, though.
Mary Worth, 7/23/14
That’s it, Olive! Hide in the pool! They won’t think to look there what with your abject terror of water and stuff, so what could possibly go wrong?
If Olive lives through this night, she can look forward to a career acting in teen slasher movies.
You know, we missed Kwanzaa this year, but I’ll accept that X-ray in panel 1 and Chang’s pants as partial compensation.
Still not as heartless as Funky Winkerbean. Up your game, Crock.
Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/23/14
Kelly – “What if I am insufficiently pleasing to SARAH? How could I go on living?
Niki – “That was before! Things are different now — and by ‘different’, I mean ‘later.’”
This started out a three-panel comic, but no newspaper would print the other two.
– Uncle Lumpy