Apartment 3-G, 3/28/15
I guess I’ve sort of resigned myself to the notion that Apartment 3-G is now a perpetually vague dreamscape where odd things blandly happen for no particular reason and subject no human logic. Anyway, is Margo’s ex-boyfriend Greg still James Bond? Is Eon Productions starting production of the next Bond film without announcing the lead actor, even to his co-stars? Will Bond just be inserted into the movie in post-production, via the same advanced green-screen technology that allowed the Owen Wilson-voiced Marmaduke to hit William H. Macy in the nuts, twice? Has Skyler just answered a Craigslist ad for a “Bond movie” that will turn out to be a porn shoot? Stay tuned!
Wait, is a wrinkle mustache just when your upper lip gets so wrinkly it looks mustache-y? Does this only happen to pluggers? Or do only plugger grandchildren dare to be so rude to their elders?
Mark Trail, 3/28/15
Oh wow so you think big government is going to take care of our beetle problem, huh? NO THANKS LIB!!!!!!!!
Apartment 3-G, 3/24/15
It’s true, Lu Ann has been single for a long time! I literally can’t remember the last Lu Ann-focused romantic subplot. She hasn’t had an in-strip boyfriend since, um, Paul the piano mover, who proposed to her on the tenth anniversary of 9/11, I think? (She eventually broke up with him. It turned out burning jet fuel couldn’t melt … her heart.) Anyway, I’m all for not making people feel bad or defective just because they’re single — many people prefer it! — but declaring loudly “I’m my own person!” is a good way for people to treat you like you’re twelve, probably. Not that Martin needs much incentive to condescend! “Aww, I’m glad you’re keeping busy with your little projects! I’ll think of your aching loneliness every time I spread your sadness-jam on toast.”
I have a hearing aid and my audiologist told me that people with partners are much more likely to get them, for precisely this reason! Not pluggers, though. Pluggers just grouchily tell their spouses that “there’s nothing wrong with me” and “maybe you should stop mumbling so much” until eventually they just go out and sit in the truck and talk to the dog and cry and cry and cry.
“Oh no! One of my major super-powers can be easily defeated by … a sharp thing! Probably should’ve seen this coming?”
Apartment 3-G, 3/21/15
“And by ‘practically,’ I mean literally. He runs this place! He’s the manager of the hotel! ‘Run the hotel’ is his job description!”
Dennis the Menace, 3/21/15
“I’m talking about Jesus, of course. He’s boring as shit! I just think about those damn beatitudes for a minute and it’s light’s out!”