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Crankshaft, 3/6/26

It’s been more than three years since Funky Winkerbean ended, but, just as a dying star occasionally fires off occasional bursts of radiation, its sister strip Crankshaft still sometimes serves up new bits of Funkyverse lore. Like, did you know that Pam and Jeff’s son and his partner weren’t married, but now, like several years after having a child, their accountant noticed that they could squeeze out a little bit of extra tax savings for their dying movie theater if they “put a ring on it”? I’m pretty dubious that the numbers on this make that much sense, but as always in Crankshaft, the point is just to set up a truly execrable bit of wordplay, so, mission accomplished, I guess.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/6/26

Oh, man, remember when Truck and Mud were briefly rivals for Wanda’s affections, a rivalry that ended in total victory for Truck? Well, now it looks like Mud, who earlier this week was grousing that the Glenwood Motel’s waitstaff shortage would relegate him to eating alone in his room, is going to have his own small-town waitress to successfully woo … and this one’s an ex-Hollywood starlet to boot! In your face, Truck!

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Mary Worth, 12/10/25

We all know, of course, that Mary Worth takes place in a world similar to but not exactly like our own, where America’s most famous 20th century actor is the handsome Saul Lewman and Sonia Sotomayor served out her career as a Superior Court Judge in Santa Royale County. But I’m sorry, the proposal that the greatest stage actor who ever lived in this universe is someone called “Sir Richard Wellbottom” is simply too much for me to believe. This man would be haunted by the cruel nickname “Dick Goodass” and would never find the strength to perform on stage!

Crankshaft, 12/10/25

For years there was a running bit in Funky Winkerbean about a guy/monster/entity that looks like a person made out of pizza boxes who haunted Montoni’s, and as near as I can tell I never bothered commenting on it or even thinking about it all that much in my years of blogging about the strip, but post-Funky, this being has migrated to Crankshaft for some reason and I just want to be on the record as agreeing with this little girl. It isn’t right! This shouldn’t be in the newspaper! It’s dumb and weird and nobody cares!

Herb and Jamaal, 12/10/25

The full quote here is “When they study our civilization two thousand years from now, there will only be three things that Americans will be known for: the Constitution, baseball and jazz music. They’re the three most beautiful things Americans have ever created.” Why do you think this strip left out the “only”? Is it because it wants you to believe, against all evidence, that in the distant future there will be four things Americans will be known for: the Constitution, baseball, jazz music, and the comic strip Herb and Jamaal? It could happen! You never know!

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Gearhead Gertie, 11/20/25

Gearhead Gertie’s loved ones are trying to break through her epistemological bubble that only allows her to think about NASCAR nonstop through the power of art. They started simple, with representational paintings; unfortunately, she was quickly able to assimilate that concept into her warped worldview by conflating the signifier and the signified and treating NASCAR-related objects as meriting display. So now they’ve escalated to more abstract pieces. And it’s working! This museum is beginning to rewire Gertie’s damaged psyche, but right now the only way she can process that is by mapping it onto visions of the destruction of her precious race cars. Excited to see if this leads to a breakthrough!

Beetle Bailey, 11/20/25

A thing I learned recently that I really enjoyed is that a lot of heterosexual ’80s metal guys thought that Judas Priest’s Rob Halford, whose stage costumes very much came out of the gay leather daddy subculture, looked cool and badass in a completely straight way and spent the better part of a decade emulating his look. Just thinking about that for no reason as this new recruit, outfitted by the culturally savvy Beetle Bailey team in the a classic “tough guy” outfit, looks positively delighted at the thought of Sarge’s forceful discipline!

Crankshaft, 11/20/25

“Also, it wasn’t really that hard to figure out. He only changed one letter!”