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Comics archive! Crankshaft

Regardless, I think brontosaurus deserves its victory lap

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 4/21/15

As Chief Information Security Officer for the Holler, Loweezy routinely runs white-hat penetration tests like this one on its HootinNet® communications infrastructure. She also makes sure everyone’s properly encryptin’ everthin’, and continues her longstanding Denial of Service attack against Snuffy — the disastrous “Tater Breach” still fresh in her mind. We shall not speak of honeypots, or backdoor exploits.

Crankshaft, 4/21/15

We interrupt our “failed sad-sack theater owner runs for mayor” story for the latest skirmish in Ed’s long war on his persistent and capricious nasal blackheads (8 today!). Pam did her best, but apparently the belt sander was no match. I’d go with a 50-grit, but she’s the one who has to clean up.

“Sideophex” (dialone unmorndibab) is doubtless one of those new immunosuppressants you see all over the teevee, where celebrities or big “real-world models” stride confidently about while a honey-voiced announcer purrs, “Listen up, people – this suppresses your immune system, and you really, really don’t want your immune system suppressed. I mean, unless you want to die from one of those diseases you thought antibiotics killed off a century ago. Seriously folks, you are flirting with an iron lung here, do not take these pills. Oh, hi Ed. Three a day, after meals. First pack’s free; I’m thinking you won’t need a second. Don’t operate machinery for a while, m’kay? We’ve got plenty of machinery lined up for you later.”

B.C., 4/21/15

Wow, this one’s really hard to unpack. In case you don’t follow controversies in evolutionary theory or this strip, here’s some background:

  • Many Bible-based theories of life’s origins hold that humans and dinosaurs must have coexisted
  • The brontosaurus, long thought to be a paleontologist’s error, is back in the game
  • Ken Ham is the founder and author of Answers in Genesis, a Christian apologetics ministry and book
  • Under Johnny Hart, B.C. often covered Christian themes and sometimes explicitly proselytized.

OK, so WTF? Ken Ham presumably wouldn’t care about the brontosaurus/apatosaurus controversy, but why would he “eat (his) heart out” at evidence that dinosaurs and humans coexisted? Maybe Peter thinks Ham will be jealous that it’s some caveman who coexists with dinosaurs, and not Ham himself? Maybe it’s just clumsy phrasing, and the intent was something like, “Here’s one for you, Ken Ham”? Or maybe the new author is less committed to a religious point of view than to B.C.’s fundamental principle, incoherence? Anyway, I’m surprised that an outfit called “The Creator’s Syndicate” doesn’t take a dim view of the whole thing, and you do not want to mess with those guys.


–Uncle Lumpy

Love the contempt-quotes around “tweet”

Pluggers, 4/14/15

This panel isn’t quite as in-your-face as all-time Depressing Pluggers Classics like “Rhino Man Hocks His TV” and “Kangaroo Woman Is At The Emotional Breaking Point”, but in its own low-key way it’s pretty fantastic. We used to build things in this country, you see; we used to work on loud factory floors where we could talk and whistle and laugh over the sounds of the machines, and nobody would complain. Now we tuck our polo shirts into our khakis and work in cube farms that are quiet as the grave, where we stare silently at our screens all day and when we’re done with that, we just look at the screens on our damn phones, and we put little jokey jokes up on Twitter, as if that means anything to anybody, anywhere.

Crankshaft, 4/14/15

I love how genuinely and innocently surprised Ralph looks in the second panel. “Wait, I could do that? Why, that would be much easier!”

Kids love Hellenistic statuary

Gasoline Alley, 4/3/15

There’s barely a plot going on in Gasoline Alley right now, certainly nothing worth describing to you, but mainly I just want to point out that somebody, somewhere thinks that nothing cracks up a bunch of eight year olds like a joke about the Venus de Milo. The best part is how in the beginning he tells everybody he’s not talking about the statue, but then in the end the joke is a reference to the statue! What a twist!

Crankshaft, 4/3/15

Hey guys, remember this non-punchline from Monday? Well, that strip, as well as the three that followed it, were all in service of setting up this joke. I’m ashamed to admit that I think it was … almost worth it?

Mary Worth, 4/3/15

NOOOOOOOO

NOT PROTECTIVE SERVICES

ANYTHING BUT THAT

I MEAN I’M NOT EXACTLY SURE WHAT THAT IS

BODYGUARDING MAYBE?

BUT FROM CONTEXT IT SEEMS BAD

VERY BAD

RELATIONSHIP-DESTROYING BAD

WHY, ADAM

WHYYYYYYYYY