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Comics archive! Crankshaft

You have to admit that as a word “device” has a lot more dignity than “app”

Crankshaft, 11/12/14

Everyone knows that Crankshaft rests on twin pillars that I like to call the “two Ms”: malapropisms and misanthropy. The strip’s really been leaning on the former for the past week or so, with “punchlines” that have involved the words and phrases “painted themselves out on a limb,” “battle-ax states,” and “electrical college.” But this I decree to be not up to snuff. “Nasal” derives via French from the Latin “nasus,” and “nose” from the Old English “nosu,” and both of those come from the same ultimate Indo-European root. They’re basically the same word, in other words, with just the vowel shifted a bit, which means this is unacceptably lazy wordplay. The whole point is to mash unrelated terms together! And you’re pointing to your nose! As if we’re incapable of figuring out what “nosal passages” might refer to! Come on, get it together, Crankshaft.

Herb and Jamaal, 11/12/14

“One of those new cashing devices on your phone,” on the other hand, is perfect. It is an amazing example of someone trying to refer to a technological advance who’s heard about mobile payment systems but doesn’t understand anything about how they work and has zero intention of doing any research about them. Never change, Herb and Jamaal. You keep doing you.

Judge Parker, 11/12/14

Oh, boy, that chainsaw-weilding maniac I ordered has arrived, and in just three weeks, which in Judge Parker is a unit of time so fleeting it can only be recorded with the most delicate scientific instruments! I had neglected to order Sam Driver’s washboard abs, but I approve of the gender-inversion of the usual horror movie trope where sexy ladies take off their clothes and then are gruesomely hacked to bits. (This trope will be further inverted when, instead of being gruesomely hacked to bits, Sam will be handed a substantial sum of cash for no real reason.)

Monday one-liners

Heathcliff, 10/27/14

After a nightmarish curse left the town’s inhabitants irrevocably transformed, the damned souls are taking hesitant steps towards recognizing one another and reclaiming some part of their lost humanity.

Funky Winkerbean, 10/27/14

Just another day in the teachers’ lounge, laughing it up about the endless parade of genetic defectives that make up Westview’s children!

Crankshaft, 10/27/14

Although 10 years earlier kids in the nearby town of Centerville went on a violent, terrifying rampage when Crankshaft’s family ran out of candy, so maybe Les and his cronies are right to view the local youth with mingled contempt and disgust.

Spider-Man, 10/27/14

Despite his best efforts, Spider-Man will in fact be rescued from his primary antagonist by his secondary antagonist.

Apartment 3-G, 10/27/14

NO MARGO YOU JUST STARTED TALKING OUT LOUD THAT’S THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT YOU SAID YOU’RE SAYING YOU WANT TO DO

Lisa got a real memoir, but Cayla will be fine with one of those “graphic novel” thingies the kids like

Funky Winkerbean, 10/13/14

Guys. You guys. To make up for the fact that Les forgot their anniversary last year — which anniversary, apparently, was also their first anniversary — he’s making it up to Cayla by writing a graphic novel about finding a new life and new love! You know, a new one, after his first life/love died. (That part takes up the first 40 pages of the book, probably.) If you squint, you can tell that the title of this masterpiece is The Last Leaf, which definitely doesn’t imply the end of summer’s vibrancy and the coming of a long, cold winter at all.

Crankshaft, 10/13/14

Say what you will about Crankshaft, but as Funkyverse protagonists go he’s not very complicated, emotionally. “Wait, I can’t have this specific thing temporarily? But I want this specific thing! And I’m going to make your life unpleasant by complaining about it!”

Gil Thorp, 10/13/14

Sorry if this is Too Soon, but my first thought when I saw panel one was that Gil was looking at a stylized depiction of an airplane crashing into the Twin Towers, which to me just instinctively made sense. “I do understand, but for now, that’s all I can tell you on that subject. But if you’re interested in talking about the melting point of steel and how burning jet fuel couldn’t possibly have — hello? Hello?”