Mark Trail, 11/13/15
This game of cat-and-mouse has gone on long enough. Mark and Ken lurked in the bushes and let the bad guys empty the clips of their machine guns harmlessly into other bushes; now, the punching can begin. Mark graciously allows Ken first punch, and it’s a doozy: a flying leap that catches two bad guys at once, sending their sunglasses and now-useless firearms flying. Kudos to the anonymous colorist for accurately recognizing that arc of liquid coming from the left-hand bad guy’s mouth and making it blood red! Anyway, if this is what Ken has to offer, surely Mark’s punchery is going to be even more impressive.
When Curtis launched in 1988, it totally made cultural sense for Curtis to be a huge fan of rap music and for his dad to hate it. Now, nearly 30 years later, thanks to comics time this is not so much the case: it seems unlikely that Greg, the father of two young children, is much older than 45 or so, which would have made him a teenager himself during the age of old-school hip-hop. Anyway, the matter of Greg’s age has been left more or less untouched for most of the strip, which is why it’s all the more shocking to learn that one of his first-ever crushes co-existed with the age of web browsing, which would certainly make him younger … than … me? Oh my God I’m older than Curtis’s dad
I can’t say I’m the biggest fan of our post-9/11 surveillance state, but if Crankshaft just accidentally watched an al-Qaeda video and is now on some government watchlist that will get him extremely thoroughly searched every time he flies anywhere, I’m not gonna complain.
JULIUS C. DITHERS: BRONY
Ha, so not only did the mayoral election end in a tie because Crankshaft forgot to vote, but the tie was broken by a coin toss (a real thing that happens!) and Ralph let Crankshaft call it, which he did incorrectly, so Crankshaft lost the election for Ralph twice. Anyway, I skipped over these action-packed strips and instead chose to share with you today’s end-of-week installment, in which Crankshaft and Ralph huddle miserably under a too-small umbrella in a driving rain, their dreams crushed, because I’m cruel like that.
Funky Winkerbean, 11/7/15
Speaking of cruelty, it seems that Holly is OK with her son using her carefully collected comics as exchange for a bride-price trinket. But don’t worry, something terrible has to come of all this (other than Cory and Rocky’s inevitable divorce), and that something is the ultimate victory of the Chiseler, who was presented as the villain in the long-running Holly Carefully Collects Comics storyline. Remember, this is the Funkyverse, where even the joy is bad.
Dennis the Menace, 11/7/15
“Isn’t that cool? Isn’t it neat how all of humanity, all of biological life, is linked in a great chain of being? With each link more and more important until the chain reaches its logical conclusion: me? But the chain stops here. I am the end of everything you know, and the beginning of something you can’t possibly imagine. I am Dennis. I am the menace.”
OK, I admit it: I will genuinely enjoy it if Ralph’s near-impossible dream is derailed by Crankshaft’s incompetence. It would bring things to a level of sad-sackery reminiscent of Peanuts, and I genuinely mean that as a compliment. Perhaps Crankshaft will actually engage in some self-reflection and self-recrimination, which I can only endorse; plus, let’s face it, Ralph would in fact be a terrible mayor.
Gil Thorp, 11/5/15
Welp, Holly has finally figured out what it’s gonna take to get Welcome Back, Carter ratings up to Survivor levels: some red-hot awkward English-teacher-making-a-failed-pass-at-football-coach action! I honestly can’t tell if she’s underestimating or overestimating the American viewing public here.
Pluggers remember when they were kids, when all they wanted to do was run and jump and play and move their bodies in all sorts of ways. Now, things are different. Now they’d rather move as little as possible, and even when they aren’t moving, they can’t quite seem to find a way to arrange their body so that some part of it doesn’t hurt. Sometimes pluggers think about how when they’re in the grave, they won’t have to move at all, and they won’t be able to feel anything. Pluggers have been thinking about that more and more lately.