The Comics Curmudgeon

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This history lesson brought to you by the glory and power of CLAMBAKE!

Apartment 3-G, 4/18/07

I am desperate to know more about Margo’s assistant Sam, and not just because I can live out through him my longstanding fantasy of scrambling to carry out Margo’s imperious orders. Look at that wide-eyed wonder in panel two: “Ladies in New York get married? GAWRSH!” I think Margo just stood outside the Port Authority bus station one day, waiting for someone attractive and not-too-bright to step off a Greyhound with small town hopes and big city dreams, and hired him on the spot before he learned the details of typical New York pay scales. However, his cynical look of disbelief at the word “love” in panel three indicates that New York is already wearing down his soul.

For Better Or For Worse, 4/18/07

There’s always an ongoing struggle for the coveted title of “Unintentionally Creepiest FBOFW Character,” but Deanna is making a good bid for it today, with her near-orgasmic musings on replicating her in-laws’ family in photo-perfect detail. This of course is someone whose greatest act of initiative was to get pregnant “accidentally” by “forgetting” to take her birth control pills, which Elly probably bribed her to do somehow. Maybe the house itself is the promised reward.

On the other hand, as several commentors have pointed out, the ravine that she’s waxing about so rhapsodically is the same one where April notoriously almost drowned, with only noble Farley saving her from a watery death. Since the junior Pattersons don’t own any skilled rescue beasts, perhaps Deanna is hoping that a couple quick drownings, Mike’s subsequent suicide, and a sale at market rates of a house they bought at a steep family discount add up to her ticket to sweet, sweet freedom.

Gil Thorp, 4/18/07

Ah ha! See, “Mr. Rickey” is Branch Rickey, the Brooklyn Dodgers General Manager who famously helped break baseball’s color barrier by signing Jackie Robinson (whose major league career started sixty years ago this week). I’m telling you, this amiable old black man is going to explain to these young white people how Jackie Robinson blazed a trail of opportunity for them.

Judge Parker, 4/18/07

We’ve all been assuming that this mysterious figure is Canadian Cedric the Super Butler, though he appears to not be wearing Cedric’s trademark glasses, so who knows. As a commentor or two pointed out, the shadowy stranger’s use of the word “scum” echoes Nicolas Sarkozy, the conservative candidate in this coming weekend’s French presidential election, who famously and controversially used the term to describe rioting youths in Paris’ poor suburbs when he was Interior Minister in 2005. Perhaps Sarko is wearying of the hand shaking and baby kissing and has decided to embark on a little side campaign of his own … a campaign of vigilante justice. Since his intervention will deny Judge Parker readers the opportunity to see Neddy and Abbey sexily fight off their attackers with lead pipes and flamethrowers, this will just give Americans another reason to hate France once he’s elected.

Incidentally, the fact that Cedric/Sarkozy/whoever hears the punks speaking English indicates that the English we’ve been seeing in the word balloons isn’t just a translation of the execrable French for our benefits: they’re actually switching back and forth between English and execrable French. Hee.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/18/07

OK, Rex Morgan, we all know that it’s fun to look at June’s breasts, but there’s a little something called “subtlety.” I mean, Jesus.

By the way, if I were Heather, I wouldn’t be all that heartened by the magical thinking of a preschooler with a hideously misshapen head. Now, if Abbey the Wonderdog had barked her vote of confidence at me, I’d feel reassured.

The Lockhorns, 4/18/07

I’m not exactly sure what’s going on here. Was Leroy attempting to hold out on Loretta by squirreling away a portion of his meager paycheck for his own use? Is Loretta upset that he would cut their already cramped budget down further? It’s hard to tell whose moment of triumph this is supposed to be because they look so damn depressed. Because in the Lockhorns, nobody ever wins.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 18, 2007 at 08:46 am and is filed under Apartment 3-G, For Better or for Worse, Gil Thorp, Judge Parker, Lockhorns, Rex Morgan, M.D.. |

445 responses to “This history lesson brought to you by the glory and power of CLAMBAKE!”

dcrat
April 18th, 2007 at 8:52 am [Reply]

yowza, what gonzangas.
Oâ€™Fogeyette
April 18th, 2007 at 8:58 am [Reply]

Well, damn, I did it again. Posted on everyone elses’s comments on the previous thread, and as soon as it came up found out I’d ended the thread.

It’s good to see my powers are back. And I just started on the coffee. More later after comics.
quillioto
April 18th, 2007 at 8:59 am [Reply]

clambake please!
PapaFrita
April 18th, 2007 at 8:59 am [Reply]

Third!
I think the joke in the Lockhorns is that, as apparent in their dull, soul-less expressions, marriage is boring.
Chupper
April 18th, 2007 at 9:00 am [Reply]

Apparently the media can only handle the death of one cartoonist at a time, because the death of Brant Parker, long-time Johnny Hart collaborator, also died over the weekend, and it seems to be flying mostly under the radar. And it adds even more fuel to the fire on the “controversy” of old strips that keep going even after all the original artists/writers are gone.

“Parker turned the “Wizard” drawing over to his son, Jeff, who had served a decadelong apprenticeship. “The Wizard of Id” will continue as a collaboration between the Parker and Hart families, according to Creators Syndicate.”

http://www.mercurynews.com/news/ci_5692997
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/04/18/arts/design/18parker.html?ref=design
Lockedhorn
April 18th, 2007 at 9:01 am [Reply]

Poor LeRoy (he is French).

He was saving that $20 to go down to the “bookstore” and see if his friends were there. Now he is forced back into the freebie cruisin arena.
Grundoon
April 18th, 2007 at 9:03 am [Reply]

It looks like a screw-up at Tank McNamara has given us a peek at the 4/27 RMMD. It’s taken about two weeks for Rex to make it to the baggage carousel at the airport. At this rate he won’t have to try very hard to stall Hugh Avery…
PurpleMartin
April 18th, 2007 at 9:05 am [Reply]

April is treated like dirt, and I am waiting asking myself…When IS she GOING TO STAND UP FOR HERSELF? This reminds me of a personal experience…My parents moved into a new house {a smaller one} when I was about to start college, and they were kind enough to at least discuss this with me, the financial reasons etc of why they were doing so. I wasnt left hanging but made a part of the process including even the search for the new house to begin with. Even though I was leaving for college only weeks after the move, I was given “space” in the new house where I and sister shared a very large room, I had my furniture for years there during college. It wasnt like I was cast off and told not to move back home during college breaks.

It seems Elly and John, just want to kick April out, get rid of her, so they can go have fun with no more kids to worry about. 16 is too young to cast a kid off, many young people need help and support from their parents today much much later even.

I think it is digusting how April is being treated compared to her immature brother. Are these characters we are supposed to feel sympathetic about? I find over the last year this comic has majorly changed to here all the characters saved for April, Iris and grandpa who are serving the role as the victims, the rest have devolved into a bunch of one dimensional spoiled brats with no concern for others.

The character Deanna is such a cipher, Ive lost all respect for her as well. Notice how everything is about Michael, his needs and wants.

I hope for the sake of Lynn’s Johnson’s real kids, these comic strips aren’t illustrative of any REAL true to life family dynamics.
Justafoob
April 18th, 2007 at 9:06 am [Reply]

Pity poor Apewill.

Mike gets to continue on in the house with his dreams, memories, and kids while she has to go live in the hovel down the street and remember that SHE killed Farley.

She has a couple of options:

a) she could grow up and deal with it

b) she could write a teen-angst emo tune about it (for 4 piece garage band with hosephonium solo)

c) she could go tell Shhhaaa….non and find out that she isn’t as put upon as the noble ‘tard.

or

d) she could go get a length of rope and go hang herself from Farley’s tree. Not only would her troubles be over she would have sent a message to her family. Mike could write his next best seller about it and how it makes him feel and what an inconvenience it was to him and how hard it makes it to write and . . .

I am voting for option d.
Grandstanding Oddball
April 18th, 2007 at 9:10 am [Reply]

FOOB:

Deanna: Sounds good. Better start growing that hair out now for your utopian life of bundom!

St. Michael: That’s it, she’s wearing you down. You best be stocking up on trains and sports car brochures. Resistance is futile! Mwuhahahahaha!
Tweeks_Coffee
April 18th, 2007 at 9:11 am [Reply]

To be fair, Clambake doesn’t have to be black to give a lesson about Jackie Robinson. That kind of logic rarely applies to GT anyway. I think that would make this story far more enjoyable if we get this story racial tolerance from a random old white guy.

FOOB: Boy, just imagine if April had drown in that ravine.
Artist formerly known as Ben
April 18th, 2007 at 9:11 am [Reply]

9CL: I’m sorry, Smitten Ex-Priest Guy doesn’t have that much hair. Why is he wearing a wig while they park? It’s either a fetish or they’re planning a bank job.

MW: Vera is about to pass out from looking at Mary’s blouse. The plan is working.

A3G: I love Sam’s expression in the last panel. He seems to be thinking, “Oh right. Forgot about the whole working for a psychopath thing. Smile and nod, Sam, smile and nod.”

BB: The private sure sounds wistful about Louise Lugg and her wasted affections. Will this strip take a Funky turn and start examining the trials of being a closeted lesbian in a man’s army? We can only hope.

Luann: But will Toni offer Brad a place to dip his banana?

Ziggy: It’s the white vending machine of death. You don’t suppose Tom Wilson is starting to repeat himself, do you?

H&L: Right, going to borrow a cup of sugar. This isn’t a tenement in the depression. Lois can buy sugar anytime, and you know she has. She’s gettin’ laid. And since she’s a realtor, a tryst with Peter Gallagher seems likely.
JudeMorrigan
April 18th, 2007 at 9:12 am [Reply]

Luann 4/18: “May I have a banana”? Okkkkaaay. Evans isn’t exactly going for the subtle innuendo there, now is he?
scan
April 18th, 2007 at 9:14 am [Reply]

Clambake says, “You can talk all about the heroics of Jackie Robinson all you want but it took the courage of a white man, Mister Branch Rickey, to break the color barrier, us colored folks are beholden to Mr. Rickey.” “I don’t see any of them Rap N’ Roll boys appreciating Mr. Rickey like they should, he’s the real hero.”
John C Fremont
April 18th, 2007 at 9:15 am [Reply]

When it comes to June Morgan, we don’t want subtlety, man. Just those beautiful, beautiful breasts.

All this Clambake talk finally forced me to look up the lyrics to both “Clambake” and “Do The Clam,” both of which were way dumber than I remembered. I keep telling myself it was the sixties and Elvis and all, but sheesh!
Albtraum
April 18th, 2007 at 9:18 am [Reply]

I think the “joke” in the Lockhorns is that it’s “funny” that she would have any doubt about whose money it is… because of where she found it.

I guess what they’re saying is that normally she snatches up any cash she can get her claws on and if confronted about it later lies and says “oh, was that YOURS? I had no idea.” Except this time she’s gone. too. far.

A functioning version of the caption might have gone something like this: “Hey Leroy, is this your money or mine?” “Well, where’d you find it?” “In your pants pocket.”

Not laugh out loud funny, but still identifiable as a joke. As it is, it just makes me want to kill myself.
T Campbell
April 18th, 2007 at 9:20 am [Reply]

Aw, c’mon! Sam’s reaction makes perfect sense assuming he’s learned anything at all about Margo in his time on the job. Margo MARRIED? Margo IN LOVE? Margo SMILING CUTELY? Margo WITHOUT CAKED BLOOD UNDER ANY FINGERNAILS? It boggles the throwaway assistant’s mind!
Kiesha
April 18th, 2007 at 9:20 am [Reply]

I think if Leroy were to respond in “Lockhorns,” he would say, “Well, it’s certainly not yours…bitch.”
Ron
April 18th, 2007 at 9:24 am [Reply]

Claaaaaaaambake, gonna have a clambake!

(Still, you want stupid Elvis songs, “Yoga Is as Yoga Does” pretty much seals the deal.)

I got a nickel says Otha Yancey played with either Jackie Robinson or Satchel Paige in the Negro Leagues.
Tweeks_Coffee
April 18th, 2007 at 9:26 am [Reply]

You know, I for one applaud GT for breaking the color barrier on black history. Who better to talk about overcoming racial obstacles than a white man in his…uh…80’s?
Chat Noir
April 18th, 2007 at 9:28 am [Reply]

FOOB: Actually, I don’t think the river where April took her Farley-killing swim was in a ravine. But ravines are always bad. They are steep, with faulty bridges, and usually have pervy kidnappers at the bottom. They are not places for children to play. So, clearly, Deanna’s rapturous look in panel three comes from a dark place.
carla
April 18th, 2007 at 9:31 am [Reply]

A3G: Marriage, huh? Margo speaks with the cause-and-effect confidence of an alien who has done just enough research into human behaviour to “pass” in this world.
Will
April 18th, 2007 at 9:31 am [Reply]

I don’t know, I kind of thought Leroy was turning tricks as a stripper, and the twenty dollars was his tip. A rather generous one, at that.
Randy
April 18th, 2007 at 9:32 am [Reply]

20: I thought GT broke the color barrier when the “artists” decided that no one in the strip should have any skin pigmentation. Milford High has achieved, in a very real way, the dream of a “color-blind society.”
Foobar
April 18th, 2007 at 9:34 am [Reply]

Clambake is quickly becoming an “It’s Pat!”-like figure. Is he white? Is he black? Tee hee, who knows? Somehow he’ll deflect all your probes and queries. “Clambake, did you work for the Negro League?” “Sure did, son.” “Ah hah!” “I worked at the concession stand!” “D’oh! Clambake!”
Tweeks_Coffee
April 18th, 2007 at 9:35 am [Reply]

Re: #24

Not to mention a gender-blind and Physics-blind society. Really, everyone’s blind in GT, particularly said artists.
Foobar
April 18th, 2007 at 9:36 am [Reply]

I feel like an idiot writing “Clambake” over and over. To quote The Far Side, “You idiot! Don’t write that down! His name ain’t Puddin’ Tame!”
Red Greenback
April 18th, 2007 at 9:37 am [Reply]

“Tundra” is freakin’ hilarious today! Thanks Chad.
Dean Booth
April 18th, 2007 at 9:38 am [Reply]

#7, Grundoon. I read the 4/27 RMMD strip 10 times, just to get a feel of what the next two weeks in RMMD will be like.
T. Chicana
April 18th, 2007 at 9:40 am [Reply]

Foob: Between Dee being a Stepford robot/pharmacist, John desperately salivating over a whole city block to build his train paradise, and Elly probably just wanting some privacy, it looks like Apes is outta luck! That Michael. “The house looks different today.” UHHH because why? It’s going to be all yours? Grown-man-child-brat!!
Teem
April 18th, 2007 at 9:44 am [Reply]

Lurker here. You guys are all funny. Chennux is adorable. And I mean that in a totally terror-stricken way.
In today’s Mary Worth, the intrepid, interfering hag, refers to her boyfriend as Dr Jeff Cory.
That’s ridiculous. What real world person–other than a name dropping, perhaps sycophantic idiot, refers to their significant other like that?

Oh and do you suppose June Morgan’s ta-tas are real, or have they been artificially enhanced.
I suppose only Nikki the garage cleaner, knows for sure. I’m sure her ubergay husband has touched them in a decade at least.

I just needed to get all that off my chest and now I’m going to slink off into the shadows again and do me some more lurking, which makes me think of Cthulthu for some reason. Is Chennux related to the ultimate lurker in the dark?
jdavidb
April 18th, 2007 at 9:45 am [Reply]

Speaking of unintentionally creepy, go check out FBOFW on the FBOFW site today. Why are the eyes actually blinking??? That’s just weird.

I’ve been on the net ten years, but I think I need to go back to reading my comics on paper.
rich
April 18th, 2007 at 9:46 am [Reply]

Great stuff — especially your theories about Deanna’s promised reward and Sam’s big city dreams.

I will admit to enjoying the line “There’s no misters in baseball…except for Mr. Rickey.”

As for Cedric in JP, you can clearly see him wearing his telltale glasses in Tuesday’s strip. (Maybe he took them off today in anticipation of a fight — he might be carrying a gun, but I’m betting he’ll choose to settle this with his fists.)

And a PS to the FOOBs: That 3rd panel is just not a good angle for Deanna…she looks way too much like Andy Samberg.
Ran
April 18th, 2007 at 9:46 am [Reply]

Basket of fruit? Chips and dip? If Toni was really looking for some knob she’d a brought a six pack of beer.

Kids these days, don’t know nothin’
Dingo
April 18th, 2007 at 9:48 am [Reply]

I want a bottle of whatever anti-gravity potion June Morgan uses for her breasts.
Jive Swede
April 18th, 2007 at 9:49 am [Reply]

That’s why I read the gocomics version of FBoFW.
No creepy blinking, plus it’s in color!
Jamus The Bartender
April 18th, 2007 at 9:50 am [Reply]

FOOB:
Just so we’re clear here…
April’s all upset about moving out of her childhood house…which is understandable…to a house just a few blocks away?
And…it’s Michael buying the house, right? And they’re even gonna let her stay there?
No changing schools involved here? No being yanked away from childhood friends?
You’d think she was going to a convent the way she’s acting.
Which, now that I think about it, would be pretty much what would happen.
Living next door to Mom and Dad for two whole excruciating years….
Douglas E. Iannucci
April 18th, 2007 at 9:52 am [Reply]

Today’s Lockhorns is yet another brilliant exposition of existentialism. The floating void in which we see Loretta, Leroy, and his armchair, along with their facial expressions of pure ennui, all bespeak the utter desperation and futility with which we plod through our unfulfilled lives. Indeed, through despair and misery, there is hope.
Gabe
April 18th, 2007 at 9:56 am [Reply]

Wille and Pete from last thread: I am very aware of Wille’s awesome potato art. However, my idea was an actual potato photo. For some reason, I find that funnier than a drawn potato.

And yes, the trick is to get Josh to make it.
T. Chicana
April 18th, 2007 at 10:01 am [Reply]

Foob: Ohhh, dead-on with the Deanna looking like Andy Samberg! She’s been rocking that butch haircut for so long. Now it’s time for someone to come up with a “Lazy Foobday” song!
MW: We haven’t even heard from “Dr. Jeff” since Mary harangued him out of ‘Nam, and besides, she won’t even give it up anyway! Maybe Dr. Jeff could help Vera VERBALIZE her feelings if she is going to keep having these dark thoughts. Let it OUT, for the love of GOD! Holy crap, I think I’ve come around to Mary’s way of thinking!
John
April 18th, 2007 at 10:04 am [Reply]

TDIET: Scaduto draws legs.

I am now officially in favor of government censorship.
AtomicDog
April 18th, 2007 at 10:04 am [Reply]

Luann:

Dr Freud, you’re on in three…
Maughta
April 18th, 2007 at 10:06 am [Reply]

I have never felt such antipathy toward any real person as I feel toward Michael Patterson. I want him boiled in shit with demons poking him in the arse. I want crows to pick out his eyeballs. I want Deanna to turn into Ellie and plague him for the rest of his days…Oh, wait, that’s already happening.

Ah, I feel better now.
AAckTPPth
April 18th, 2007 at 10:09 am [Reply]

The crime-fighting duo of Cedric the Super Butler and Abbey the Wonderdog! (Unfortunately, Abbey of RMMD and Abbey of JP keeps me confused. I don’t care to expend the energy to learn the difference.)

Put June in a crime-fighting Spandex teddy, and, well, ’nuff said. Mmmm, crime-fighting Spandex teddy…
Paperback Rifler
April 18th, 2007 at 10:09 am [Reply]

Oh. So I was hoping that “Mr. Rickey” is what Clambake likes to call his “lime rickeys” (combine 1.5 oz gin and 0.75 oz lime juice; pour over ice in a highball glass and top with club soda and a lime slice) and that he was going to teach those young people the value of being completely sloshed on mixed drinks before noon. (“See, if you drink enough, then you get to the point where a lot of these freaks walking around Milford start to look almost human. Not quite human, mind you; but enough so that you don’t feel like you have to barricade yourself in your house with a shotgun and a year’s supply of canned soup and toilet paper.”)
Scuppers
April 18th, 2007 at 10:10 am [Reply]

#24–Here’s my theory: The Colbert Nation is taking over, one comic strip at a time.

YAY!!!!!

(Stephen Colbert is color blind, you know, and therefore “can’t see race”)
essteess
April 18th, 2007 at 10:10 am [Reply]

FOOB: OK, I’m getting a kind of Hitchcockian vibe here. Is Deanna going to transform herself, literally, into Elly, a la Kim Novak’s Madeleine Elster/Judy Barton turn in “Vertigo”? Will Michael start walking around aimlessly wearing a fedora and a haunted expression?

April, meanwhile, seems to be setting us up for a Bergman interlude — remote, isolated in her angst, seemingly swallowed up in this house which early on nurtured her and now threatens to choke her very existence.

*Sigh* Such malaise. I think I need a sherry.
Hysterical Woman
April 18th, 2007 at 10:11 am [Reply]

I sense an “All About Eve” situation with Elly and Deanna.
juggernaut
April 18th, 2007 at 10:17 am [Reply]

I gots to agree w/ Paperback. Clambake is referring to his medicine of choice, the Gin Rickey. You watch – tomorrow he’ll be discussing that all-time great triple play combo, Walker to Daniels to Pabst.
Oâ€™Fogeyette
April 18th, 2007 at 10:17 am [Reply]

Erika from yesterthread: please accept my sincere condolences on the death of your cat.

JP: OMG. The word balloons issuing from Cedric/Clark Kent? Best. Dialogue. Ever. “Do you think I am frightened by scum such as you?” “Drop the blade, cretin!” Oh, how I wish MT could have such classic and classy sentences. Seriously. This makes the whole months-long walk through nighttime Paris almost worth it.
juggernaut
April 18th, 2007 at 10:17 am [Reply]

I gots to agree w/ Paperback. Clambake is referring to his medicine of choice, the Gin Rickey. You watch – tomorrow he’ll be discussing that all-time great double play combo, Walker to Daniels to Pabst.
gump worsley
April 18th, 2007 at 10:19 am [Reply]

Now that Mark Trail has broken out the Brylcreem of Death in today’s installment, Dan doesn’t stand a choice.

Mark will prevail even though he will be going up against a Beard of Unimaginable Powers, one which apparently prevents an old friend from recognizing you.
Red Greenback
April 18th, 2007 at 10:19 am [Reply]

FOOB: Is “Sliding down the same Ravine” like “Jumping the Shark”? I just answered my question with a question. FOOB has been “Sliding down the Ravine” for neigh on six years….Nevermind.
juggernaut
April 18th, 2007 at 10:19 am [Reply]

whoa.
Randomly Selected
April 18th, 2007 at 10:20 am [Reply]

GT -

Clambake: “Rogers Hornsby was my manager, and he called me a talking pile of pigshit. And that was when my parents drove all the way down from Milford just to see me play the game! And did I call him Mister?!”

Rick (sobbing): “No-”

Clambake: “No. And do you know why?!”

Rick (still sobbing): “No-”

Clambake: “Because there’s no misters in baseball! THERE’S NO MISTERS IN BASEBALL!!!…… except for Mr. Rickey.”
Kurdt
April 18th, 2007 at 10:22 am [Reply]

“Clambake, please….”

So unintentionally funny. Its almost as bad as the names from that MST3K episode Overdrawn at the Memory Bank: Aram Fingal, Apollonia James, Tooby, Walenda Irving, and my favorite: Slavin.

Speaking of MST3K, Joel did an invention exchange one time where he made a machine that combined comics to make them funnier, anyone see that episode?
Katherine
April 18th, 2007 at 10:22 am [Reply]

Meanwhile, today’s Mark Trail highlights…. The Return of the Talking Follicles!

http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20070418&name=Mark_Trail
Galactic Emperor ChennuxÂ®â„¢Â©
April 18th, 2007 at 10:26 am [Reply]

ATTENTION EARTHERS! IF YOU HAVE AN UVULA AND VULVA, SWAP THEM NOW! CHENNUX SPEAKS! ESPECIALLY TO THE ONE CALLED RED GREENBACK!

CHENNUX WANTS TO KNOW WHAT’S WITH THE DEATHWISH FROM YESTERTHREAD? YOU TAUNT CHENNUX INTO A MAGMACANNON BLAST? HAHA? CHENNUX DOESN’T GET IT! THIS IS LIKE THE EARTHER WARNER BROS. CARTOON WHERE THE MICE TRY TO COMMIT SUICIDE BY DEMANDING THAT THE CAT EAT THEM! AND WHAT ABOUT PEGGY? CHENNUX MUST PONDER THIS…

AND AVOCADO AVENGER TRIES TO SUMMON CHENNUX AS WELL? DOES HE NOT KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO ONE TIME POSTER/FIRST TIME SAUCE INSOLENTOMATO? DOES ‘INTERSTELLAR GUACAMOLE’ MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?

CHENNUX ALSO BARELY ACKNOWLEDGES #31 TEEM AS HE DROPS HIS LURKING CLOAK! FYI: CHENNUX GETS TOGETHER WITH C’THU’LU ONCE A YEAR FOR BLOODY MARYS! WANT THE RECIPE? HAHA!

CHENNUX NOW COMMENTS ON THE COMICS!

RMMD: WHY IS JUNE HIDING MAGMAPISTOL RE-POWER POUCHES IN HER STERNAL AREA? AND WHY ARE THEY SO SMALL? HAHA!

LOCKHORNS: THE VERY SAME CARTOON RAN ON ZYNEX LAST WEEK, BUT THE FEMALE WAS HOLDING A POTATO AND SAID TO THE MALE, “THIS POTATO WAS IN YOUR POCKET SO I GUESS YOU WEREN’T GLAD TO SEE ME!” HAHA!

TRY THE GRANNIX AND EAT YOUR WAITRESS!

END TRANSMISSION!
Enchilada
April 18th, 2007 at 10:27 am [Reply]

Re: GT — Has anyone noticed Clambake appears to be wearing his t-shirt backwards? (Wouldn’t happen with a fine Comics Curmudgeon shirt, yes?)
AhClem
April 18th, 2007 at 10:28 am [Reply]

Who’s … Peggy?
Splinky
April 18th, 2007 at 10:29 am [Reply]

I think Loretta’s actually implying that after last night’s torrid lovefest, Leroy was supposed to leave his twenty bucks on the dresser and neglected to do so.
Or, like every other Lockhorns strip, this could just be another thinly veiled prelude to extreme domestic violence. Perhaps she’s hoping that he’ll be adequately distracted so that she can sneak behind him and bludgeon him with a frozen pork shank.
Pozzo
April 18th, 2007 at 10:29 am [Reply]

I’d like to go on record as nominating the last panel of FBOFW as the most soul-crushingly bleak single image of the still-young year. With an angle taken out of “Citizen Kane,” Lynn Johnston has graphically represented the pit of despair into which April is sliding. Perhaps a suicide is in the offing, which would seem to fit in nicely with Deanna’s master plan.
dimestore lipstick
April 18th, 2007 at 10:39 am [Reply]

#56, Kurdt

The Car-Tuner! From “Manos, The Hands of Fate”

“Ziggy had Garfield neutered? Now that’s funny!”
Vardibidian
April 18th, 2007 at 10:40 am [Reply]

GT: I’m perplexedâ€”those are high school kids, right? Wouldn’t Rickey Henderson (who hasn’t played a full season in the majors for six years and hasn’t been in the All-Star game since these kids were in diapers) be just as much a historical figure as Branch Rickey? And how did they know it was spelled with an e? Wouldn’t they be more likely to think it was Ricky Bottalico or Ricky Ledee or someone? Of course, none of them have the last name Rickey, but then neither does Rickey Henderson…

Thanks,
-V.
Red Greenback
April 18th, 2007 at 10:40 am [Reply]

My little “We Love You Beatles”, by the Carefrees parody:

We love you Clambake oh yes we do
We don’t love anyone as much as you
When our game is off. we’re blue
Oh Clambake we love you
When you’re not near to us

We’re blue
Oh, Clambake, we love you
(Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)

We love you, Clambake
Oh, yes, we do
We’ll keep our eyes on the hole
Fo’ sho
When you’re not near to us
We’re blue
Oh, Clambake, we love you

We love you, Clambake
Oh, yes, we do
We will not pull our heads
As others do

Without yer sage advice
We’re Screwed!
Oh, Clambake, we love you

(Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Oâ€™Fogeyette
April 18th, 2007 at 10:41 am [Reply]

#58 GEC: Please, O Mighty One, excuse my addressing you as an acronym. I merely want to let your Excellency know that your latest transmission caused me to spit coffee all over my laptop. And if you enjoy eating laptops, coffee does make a fine sauce!
willethompson
April 18th, 2007 at 10:42 am [Reply]

#56 Kurdt – the device was the CarTuner. Mark Trail ate a Dagwood sandwich which included grubs and a tufted titmouse. That was before Mark evolved into the hair-talkin’ screweye-starin’ goose-morphin’ Right Cross o’ Justice guy we know today.
OverCat
April 18th, 2007 at 10:44 am [Reply]

“…Rickey Henderson, the outfielder?”

Oh, come on. First of all, wouldn’t he have said “Mr. Henderson” if that’s who he meant?

And if a baseball player, in a baseball playing situation, surrounded by other baseball players, feels the need to actually clarify who Rickey Henderson is, wouldn’t it be “the stolen base king?” or something like that?

Jeez.

(I can’t believe, after a month or so of lurking, and all the comics fodder available for snarking, that this is the first time I actually comment. And while I’m here, thanks for this site and all of your hilarious comments. And dammit, now I have to read MW, MT and GT and more, thanks to you all!)
Constantine
April 18th, 2007 at 10:47 am [Reply]

I’m thinking Margo’s comment in the last box of A3G is completely earnest. She’s not blowing off her assistants surprise with a pithy remark, she’s instead unveiling the mask of her own ignorance and asking if marriage is indeed what functionally healthy human beings do with this emotion called “love”.
Hogen Mogen
April 18th, 2007 at 10:48 am [Reply]

April: When I was 16, I couldn’t wait to get out from under the opressive thumb of my parents. Ok, it wasn’t that opressive, but when you’re 16, anyone telling you not to do something utterly hedonistic and irresponsible will only be greeted with sarcasm and insolence. Actually, even if my parents encouraged me to do hedonistic and irresponsible things, I’d probably have greeted them with sarcasm and insolence anyway. Anyway, here’s April’s chance to live in a far more permissible household, go out with friends whenever, have Gerald over for a romp in the hay (which won’t go interrupted this time) and all she has to do is babysit a few nights AND GET PAID FOR IT. Maybe she can trade a few babysitting chits for Mike buying her some good Canadian beer and not telling ol’ mom & dad, eh?

I don’t blame Deanna for acting the way she does. After all, she’s not actually Deanna, but a Stepford robot. Ok, more likely, she’s acting that way because this is all Mike P’s delusion, and Dee left him long ago with the kids and he didn’t even notice before he fell into the coma. Why doesn’t Deanna want her kids to grow up to play in the same yard that she played in? Because she was not a Patterson then, and now she’s trying to make up for her sinful, shameful past. “Yes, let me live in the Patterson Estate! I want to immerse myself in the whole Patterson-thing. I want to finally know what it feels like to be looked upon as saintly and untouchably clean and yet be so self absorbed and obnoxious. Yes, I want to whine incessantly about trivial things that are actually of benefit to me and get sympathy from others. Most of all, I want my own plotline! Just once! Waaaahhh!!”
Hogen Mogen
April 18th, 2007 at 10:50 am [Reply]

#68 – Overcat – didn’t you at one time fight Underdog?
OverCat
April 18th, 2007 at 10:51 am [Reply]

Vardibidian #64, we commented similarly at the same time, and I hadn’t thought of the “e” in “Rickey” angle! Holy carp, they can actually SEE the word balloons and respond to words according to spelling?! And through that ability, made a response based on said spelling, demonstrating a depth and breadth of awareness beyond the usual expectations for a crowd that includes someone who bashes himself in the head with a stick?! The mind reels!
Red Greenback
April 18th, 2007 at 10:52 am [Reply]

Good luck there, CHENNUX!!! I am employing the sage advice from Peter Falk in the Earther movie “The In-Laws”…”serpentine! SERPENTINE!!”
Mack
April 18th, 2007 at 10:52 am [Reply]

FW – Jessica Darling is headed into Shannonian territory here. “Darin, MY dad was murdered, so therefore it’s selfish of you to not question your contentment with the parents who raised you and seek out the potential crack whore who birthed you.” But then again, she’s known he was adopted for all of, oh, maybe 24 hours, so clearly she knows what’s best.
Paperback Rifler
April 18th, 2007 at 10:53 am [Reply]

RMMD: Whoa. I guess there’s been a cold snap in Glenwood.

Dick Tracy: I love panel 3 today. It looks like the Queen and Tracy have decided to lay aside their differences and recreate Uma Thurman and John Travolta’s dance scene from Pulp Fiction. Yeah, twist it, Queenie!
Teem
April 18th, 2007 at 10:53 am [Reply]

As an official Canadian let me apologize for the sanctimony and codswallop that is foobsville.
The horror of it all.
Red Greenback
April 18th, 2007 at 11:00 am [Reply]

Of couse, I meant the “ONE CALLED PETER FALK” (Just trying to brush up on the CHENNUXÂ®â„¢Â©-SPEAK.)
Duane Schneider
April 18th, 2007 at 11:05 am [Reply]

Margo, say it ain’t so.

I was hoping you would marry me.

I need a controlling influence in my life.

Oh, woe is me.
OverCat
April 18th, 2007 at 11:07 am [Reply]

#71 Hogen Mogen -

*gasp!* Your comment caused me to Google, and I see indeed that Overcat fought Underdog! I actually don’t recall that episode, but my name is related…

As a young child, I loved Saturday morning cartoons, and I also loved cats. I was infuriated by the pervasive portrayal of cats as evil villians, always menacing cute little birds and mice, and being beaten up by heroic dogs. It wasn’t fair!!

So I created my own comic book “OverCat” (as a play on “Underdog”), in which the cat was the hero, and the birds, mice and dogs were the villians.

In registering for this site, I remembered that and the comic/cartoon connection seemed appropriate.

And now to find out there really was an OverCat! I thought I invented OverCat!!

And…and…on the cover of the video, it shows OverCat getting pummelled by Underdog! NO FAIR!!!! http://movies2.nytimes.com/gst/movies/movie.html?v_id=210445

*sniff*
Galactic Emperor ChennuxÂ®â„¢Â©
April 18th, 2007 at 11:13 am [Reply]

ATTENTION EARTHERS! SPECIFICALLY, THE ONE CALLED RED GREENBACK!

BRRZZZZ#â€ Â¢$Â¶Â§Ã‡Ãâˆ‘Â©UURNT!

THAT WAS ON THE ‘WARM’ SETTING. LIKE A PLATE OF BUFFALO GRANNIX WINGS, YOU SHOULD BE SPICY HOT, YET EDIBLE!

HM! LUNCHTIME!

END TRANSMISSION!
Red Greenback
April 18th, 2007 at 11:13 am [Reply]

Go, Teem! We’re having a codswallop Clambake Friday night…We’ll be Doing the Clam nine ways to Sunday!…That is if we survive the Grand Wazoo’s magmacannon blasts! See you Friday…Aloha.
Red Greenback
April 18th, 2007 at 11:21 am [Reply]

Oh! There’s an “R” in the month!…Gonna hafta reschedule the ComicsCurmudgeonCodswallopClambake sometime in May.
UnkleSam
April 18th, 2007 at 11:23 am [Reply]

dammit! my post-grad plans revolved mostly around moving to Paris and becoming the sort of bilingual street stuff the Academie FranÃ§aise has nightmares about, but they beat me to it!
tychoanomaly
April 18th, 2007 at 11:24 am [Reply]

A3G:
Margo: “Isn’t getting married what people in love do?”
Sam: “Only if I moved to Massachusetts, you clueless, privileged breeder.”
shadowfax
April 18th, 2007 at 11:24 am [Reply]

I love the fact that the super-butler in JP uses a Luger. If you’re gonna off some bilingual punks in an alley, you need to do it with class. That’s how The Butler does it.
Professor Fate
April 18th, 2007 at 11:25 am [Reply]

I think Dena is trying to drive Michael insane with her ‘everything will be the same” “it will be the same” day after day after day after lifesucking day. We will have quick lousy sex in the same room your parents had quick lousy sex, you will sit in the same room you father did wondering were you life went just as he did, your children will grow up spoiled and self centered just the same as you did, everything will be the same the same the same, I will wear my hair in a bun like your mother, I will flap my bedclothes during menopause, all the same…

At which point Michael will toss himself into the ravine.

Creepy as hell this strip – I don’t even want to go into April’s incipient mental breakdown.
Mr. Coffee Nerves
April 18th, 2007 at 11:31 am [Reply]

GT: I can’t help but hear Uncle Ruckus from “the Boondocks” whenever Clambake speaks.

FOOB: Oh dear Bacon-Soaked Lord of Canada, I’m already shuddering at the Elly vs. Deanna battle royales that will go on as Deanna dares to change the curtains and paint the rooms of the Patterson Shrine.

“No, Deanna! That room has to stay pale yellow because Elizabeth first heard Bryan Adams in it!”
“No, Deanna! Michael’s room must be preserved for all eternity in ‘Maple Leaf Blue’ and his ‘Participant’ awards must remain aloft!”
“No, Deanna, those are the stairs that we kick April down when she asks why she can’t have the bacon rind before the dogs! They can’t be painted!”

Oh, wait, that’s right. Deanna gets only two lines per year and wouldn’t stand up for herself if she were being set ablaze. It will all work out, right up to the point where Michael is dressing up Elly’s skeleton and opening a motel.
kingklash
April 18th, 2007 at 11:33 am [Reply]

I don’t feel any kind of sorry at all for April. She is, after all, Lynn’s imaginary child. All the otha characters are based on real family.
Red Greenback
April 18th, 2007 at 11:41 am [Reply]

Galactic Emperor ChennuxÂ®â„¢Â©: NOT EVEN CLOSE! AT LEAST YOU TOOK OUT MY NEIGHBOR’S INCESSANTLY BARKING STANDARD POODLE!
dimestore lipstick
April 18th, 2007 at 11:42 am [Reply]

tychoanomaly
Tee!
I ♥ your version of the A3G dialogue.
Justafoob
April 18th, 2007 at 11:44 am [Reply]

#88 kingklash said

I donâ€™t feel any kind of sorry at all for April. She is, after all, Lynnâ€™s imaginary child. All the otha characters are based on real family.

You mean there is some wretched human being like Mike out there in Canadia whining, “Why isn’t the strip about me? Apewill is imaginary. I am real. You have to write about MEEEEEEEEE”
Squawk
April 18th, 2007 at 11:44 am [Reply]

I think the point of the Lockhorns may be that Leroy doesn’t have a job, so any money his wife (Loretta?) finds in his pants pockets is likely to have been stolen from a little old lady’s purse.
Moon Mullins
April 18th, 2007 at 11:46 am [Reply]

With all this Clambake and Carousel talk, I dug out my old version of “That Was a Real Nice Clambake” that I wrote for my dad, who played Billy Bigelow in the 1950’s.

That was a real nice clambake,
We all had a real good time
The clams that we et
Were the best you bet
They were not covered in grime
That was a real nice clambake,
And we all had a real good time!

But what about the clams?

Oh, the clams they were sizzlin’ in the shell
We gathered round, we loved that clammy smell!
Oh, there were so many clams
That we all had thick clam sams
Oh, we hope they serve clam sandwiches in Hell!

(why’s that?)
(didn’t you hear?)

Did you hear Billy Bigelow is dead?
He fell right down and smashed his youngish head!
As he died we heard him yell
That he loved that clammy smell
So his grave we filled with clams and sandwich bread!

Â®â„¢Â©2001 M. Mullins Enterprises Ltd.
andreavis
April 18th, 2007 at 11:46 am [Reply]

With apologies to Elvis:
(sung to the tune of “Crawfish” from King Creole)

Claaam-bake!
Claa-aa-aam-bake!

When you pull your head, you jump the gun
Steal that base like Rickey Henderson
Lock your eyes, on just one hole
And swing away ’til you hit the ball

Claaam-bake!
Claa-aa-aam-bake!

(geez, how do you people manage to whip out whole songs? One verse and I’m pooped!)
Squawk
April 18th, 2007 at 11:52 am [Reply]

DT: You see what this strip has been reduced to? Dick Tracy’s getting his ass kicked by a playing card.
Artist formerly known as Ben
April 18th, 2007 at 11:53 am [Reply]

I’m pretty sure Clambake is black. His son has Jherri curls. In Gil Thorp’s world, “Jherri-Curled American” is the most respectful term. And #45, I was thinking the same swellegant thoughts about lime rickeys.

#58, Global Emperor, I offered to eat my waitress last weekend. As it turned out, her husband was working the fry line. So I had to get out of there pretty quick. Guess you have better luck.
gh
April 18th, 2007 at 11:59 am [Reply]

Go, Teem, go! And here you swore youâ€™d never succumb again. Amazing what June Morgan can do to a person.

Speaking of which,

RMMD — nice subliminal touch there with the cord of firewood in case someone didnâ€™t notice how â€œstackedâ€ she was today.

MT — You sound just like a friend I had once! Is that bitterness I hear, Mark? If youâ€™d had him, say, five or six times, would you have forgiven him?
Dingo
April 18th, 2007 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

Moon Mullins
to the tune of ‘Moon River’ lyrics by Johnny Mercer and music by Henry Mancini

Moon Mullins, snarking with a smile,
Don’t cross him; surely you will pay.
This FOOB hater (and masturbator?)
Can write snarks so sneaky it’s like time delay.

Curmudgeons off to see the world
Should cast their nets for pearls like his
Will he dis on Liz?
What a comic scene,
He’s funny but not mean,
Moon Mullins… tee hee.
takeme!
April 18th, 2007 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

“OK, Rex Morgan, we all know that itâ€™s fun to look at Juneâ€™s breasts . . .”

Heck, June’s breasts are the ONLY reason I read Rex Morgan!
Rhekarid
April 18th, 2007 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

Don’t worry, FOOB whose name I forget in the last panel. Things will always be the same! Everyone in the strip looks alike, all of their problems are unimportant, and their lives all begin and end without meaning. In fact, I can assure you that nothing will ever change, because the only thing I can see when I look at FBoFW is the infinite terror of the void.
Kenny
April 18th, 2007 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

“No Misters in Baseball.” ?

What about Tom Sellick?! Afterall, he was Mr. Baseball
Joseph J. Finn
April 18th, 2007 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

What, no comment on the bizzare turn Funky Winkerbean took today by dredging up John Darling, a murdered character we haven’t heard about since 1997?
Baldo Foob
April 18th, 2007 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

How did you miss Toni Daytona actually ASKING for a “banana”? Not to mention whats-his-damn-name-big-brother agreeing, but only if she’ll “dip,” which I can only assume is a reference to rimming.
Laura Jane
April 18th, 2007 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

What the players heard:
There’s no Misters in baseball… except for Mister Rickey.

What Clambake actually said:
There’s no Misters in baseball… except for Mister Hickey.

Heh heh heh. (Dirty Old Man Laugh)
tybeedawg
April 18th, 2007 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

RMMD: Looks like the blond chick is holding up her right arm to fend off June’s rapidly encroaching breastusses, trapped as she is between them and the stacked firewood (great observation #97!)

And why does June’s shadow dissolve into a series of cross-hatchings? Is she semi-transparent?
Steve S
April 18th, 2007 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

Note to the Gil Thorp writing robot: a high school kid probably isn’t going to know who Rickey Henderson is either, and even if he does, he’s not going to call him “Rickey Henderson, the outfielder” unless he’s assuming that the people watching him through the newspaper panel don’t know who Rickey Henderson is.
man behind the curtain
April 18th, 2007 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

FBOW — Could it be that Michael wants to be his own man and not follow in his family’s footsteps? Does he fear that he will be come his father and his children will become his siblings?

RMMD — Regarding June’s breasts — 10 to 1 they’re not real.
AhClem
April 18th, 2007 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

June’s profile today would make a monk kick a hole in a stained glass window.

I’m also pondering changing my user name to AhClambake.
cheech wizard
April 18th, 2007 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

By “Mr. Rickey,” Clambake is clearly referring to his penis. Bend over, boys.
Jim Thorp(e)
April 18th, 2007 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

I hope that Don Imus reappears in DTGT (see link and scroll down to the bottom)

Then maybe we can have some serious racial debate in Milford.

Especially if he call the girl’s team a bunch of bearded-clam bakers.
tybeedawg
April 18th, 2007 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

RMMD: Questioning whether or not a comic strip character’s breasts are real or have been “enhanced” is strangely unsettling to me, but then again, I’ve only been here a few days.

I’m sure that feeling will pass and it will seem completely normal soon.
fuzzmaster
April 18th, 2007 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

Many Moods of Margo (M³) returns!
Panel 1: Dyspepsia (mixed with arched-eyebrow sarcasm)
Panel 2: Disdain, haughty-type
Panel 3: Dizzy exuberance

It’s not a comic strip, it’s an acting lesson!
Abbey the Wonderdog
April 18th, 2007 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

Thank goodness Widdle Sawah is adopted.

If June ever filled that rack with milk, there would be a tremendous *POP* and then a cleanup in aisle 7.

BARK! BARK! BARK!
Gabe
April 18th, 2007 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

Seconded. June Morgan’s Sweet Sweater Puppies (JMSSP) make the comics worth reading in the morning.
gh
April 18th, 2007 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

The SlyFox food chain:

Octopi eat sharks
Fish eat octopi
Crabs and eels eat fish

Itâ€™s eels and crabs in the playdowns.

Oh, and based on the forensic evidence octopi also eat . . . chicken(?), as well as canned sardines. And pirates. And they drink milk.

Sadly, the year-to-date fish skeleton total remains unchanged.
Johnny Q
April 18th, 2007 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

JUDGE PARKER is turning into JUDGE DREDD!
Chupper
April 18th, 2007 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

Hilary Forth is learning the ropes of emasculation quite young, thanks to her fragile skinny-wristed dad. I’m trying to picture which comic strip she’ll eventually marry into:
1. Hilary Lockhorn. Heretofore unknown, the Lockhorns have a son who hasn’t left his room in eight years. All he knows of the world is the loveless sham of a marriage lived by his parents and the parental ennui it’s created. He’ll see Hil’s ballbreaking witicisms and wry smiles as affection and immediately propose.
2. Hilary Winkerbean. What better place to share her hatred of the weak and pathetic that she learned by watching her dad get abused?
3. Hilary Morgan. So turned off by men, she’s drawn in by the orbital gravity of June Morgan’s huge breasts.
4. Hilary Trail. Where else but in LoFo can you stick a talking potato in your cooter?
5. Hilary Marmaduke. She just can’t stop thinking about Marm’s huge red lipstick.
6. Hilary Fillmore. Hilary thinks the sun is angry at the earth and moves to a red state.
7. Hilary Fox. Someone has removed Ted Forth’s testicles. Slylock can’t figure out who it is. Why not? (Answer: Slylock is blackmailing Hilary into becoming his lifelong sex slave in return for not turning her in to the police).
Ghost Riders in the Foob
April 18th, 2007 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

“I think Margo just stood outside the Port Authority bus station one day, waiting for someone attractive and not-too-bright to step off a Greyhound with small town hopes and big city dreams, and hired him on the spot before he learned the details of typical New York pay scales.”

Anyone else around here old enough to remember Midnight Cowboy?
Mountain Mama
April 18th, 2007 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

FW: “Actually, he was murdered.” Hoo! My sides are hurting from laughing so hard! What a punchline! Hysterical! Nothing like the comics to bring a smile to your face!

And how about that Mary Worth! Disease and broken hearts! I can’t contain myself……hee hee….I’ll be OK. Really.

I love the comics!
Overlarge Talking LoFo Beaver
April 18th, 2007 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

#108 AhClembake!
Sergeant in the Free Time Army
April 18th, 2007 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

JP: Is that alleyway our shadow-obscured hero is in somehow a portal to the 1910s? Because I’m pretty sure that’s the last time someone used what appears to be a German Army Mauser C-96 handgun.

To be fair, at that time, those guns were often pointed at Frenchmen, so in that sense, it’s historically accurate.
Moon Mullins
April 18th, 2007 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

#98 Dingo:

Wow — I’m all tingly. You were right, it makes up for not getting a “COTW”.

I can just picture Audrey Hepburn and George Peppard running across Fifth Ave to its dulcet tones. Either that, or Chevy Chase singing it during the proctology exam (can’t remember — was it “Fletch” or “Foul Play”?)

Now that I think of it, I once met Chevy Chase on Fifth Ave — the morning after I got married — but that is another story
man behind the curtain
April 18th, 2007 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

MW — After scoping out all the local Charterstone losers and beginning to think that Santa Royale was a bust, Vera has been put on to rich, lonely, sex-starved Dr. Jeff. A perfect replacement for Von. Shouldn’t be any problem eliminating the “competition” a little old biddy who bakes apple pie and cooks pig slop with asparagus for dinner. But of course sly, cunning Vera grossly underestimates our Mary. She’ll be getting her comeuppance soon enough and join the pantheon who have challenged and lost and made to see the light. All hail Mary Worth!
Poteet
April 18th, 2007 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

# 58 — BWAHAHA! Your Imperial Snarkiness, your comments were highly amusing. Your galactic perspective on these comics adds a lot to this site. And while I would never have the temerity to make an actual request, I would be highly interested in any snarking you happen to do on my current obsession, DT. Not that I want to be obsessed with it, but until Queen of Diamonds is gone, I’m there.
dreadedcandiru2
April 18th, 2007 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

FW – What comic timing! “He was murdered”! The question facing us, of course, is how many days of this will Darin have to endure before he knuckles under and does something he clearly doesn’t want to do (search for his birth mother) simply to shut Jess up?
Monkey David
April 18th, 2007 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

You know, today’s B.C. wasn’t bad. I mean, OK, an Internet “surf” joke manages to be both dated and anachronistic, but it felt more like the old, good B.C. in joke construction and drawing…they couldn’t already be doing new strips since Hart’s death, could they?
Ghost Riders in the Foob
April 18th, 2007 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

#47esstees, you will note in Panel 3 that Deanna is already starting to grow the Patterson Potato Nose.
gh
April 18th, 2007 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

A3G –

Sam: Youâ€™re getting married?!

Margo: No, Sam, I said Iâ€™m going to marry Eric. Because thatâ€™s what people in love do. I â€œloveâ€ Eric, so Iâ€™m going to marry him. â€œGetting marriedâ€ sounds so, I donâ€™t know, mutual. I donâ€™t really know how Eric feels, and, frankly, I donâ€™t care. If he â€œlovesâ€ me, he can marry me I guess, if it doesnâ€™t involve my planning any more parties for him or being nice to his sister. I donâ€™t think you understand how these â€œrelationshipâ€ things work, Sam. Have you been hanging around Tommie?
Moon Mullins
April 18th, 2007 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

#124 Poteet, since you seem to have such a close relationship, could you please tell he-who-must-not be-snarked to call Rite-Aid and clear up that rejected Master of the Galaxy Mastercard issue? They keep calling my office. Plus, the DEA has some questions about why I prescribed impotence drugs to a large lizard.

Speaking of erectile dysfunction meds, the pharmaceutical rep from Cialis (pronounced See-Alice) was in today. I suggested to him a good marketing campaign, better than throwing footballs through tires or even those disgusting Zelnorm belly billboards.

The main thing about marketing is getting folks to remember your brand name, right? So I was thinking for Cialis, they have Ralph Kramden pointing proudly to a big pup tent sticking out of the front of his bus driver’s uniform, looking at his wife and saying, “See, Alice? See, Alice? I told you it would work!”

The rep said he’d get back to me on that.
Dennis Jimenez
April 18th, 2007 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

121 – I’m not an ornithologist, but I think it’s an ‘08 Lugar.
bootsybooks
April 18th, 2007 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

willethompson, in the clambake thread you asked if I were the LA address. Trotzenbonnie (I think) is also in LA and I’m in New Orleans, LA.
I can see how easy it is to become confused by having more than one curminion in the same state.
commodorejohn
April 18th, 2007 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

#33 – “You threatened a friend of mine’s exchange students!”

#37 – I’ll admit that April’s motivations are a little confusing, but look at it this way: her options are (A) let her parents and brother do the Great House Swap and live with her passive-agressive, domineering mother/author avatar, psychologically neutered, prematurely senile, train-loving father, and (for the forseeable future when using only in-character knowledge) whiny, self-centered older sister in a house that’s too small for three, let alone four, (B) let the House Swap work its life-perfecting magick and live in the house that is actually her home with her queening, narcissist older brother, his spineless wife, and their mewling, smoking-hot-toddler brats, a choice which it has been made clear will result in perpetual kid-watching while Deanna minds the pharmacy and cooks the meals and Michael sits in the attic and channels characters from generic bodice-rippers, or (C) try to complain enough to convince everyone that this is exactly as stupid an idea as we’ve been saying it is, thus minimizing the soul-traumatization potential, although she’d still be living with ElLynn, Train Man, and Luscious Liz in Love . Personally, I’m wondering why she doesn’t go with (D) move to the US, work in a video store, practicing on the side until she’s not rolling at default level for her Guitar skill, and form a Pretenders tribute band, as she could probably do a decent Chrissie Hynde, but I think it’s the power of Home, a feeling I’m intimately familiar with, having just gotten back to the land of my birth (Minnesota) after a two-year stay in one of the outer circles of Hell (Tennessee.)

I’m not understanding all the death wishes for April, though. Sure, she’s annoying sometimes, especially now that Lynn’s drawing her in Permanent Tart Mode (does this happen when you go roadside in the FOOBiverse? I never saw Becky before she was Rebeccah.) But she’s by and large the least obnoxious character in the strip and has on occasion served as our voice in the FOOBiverse, by some miracle. She’s the only one who ever acts remotely like a normal human being, the only one who’s not falling all over herself to extol the virtues of the Mustache, and the only one who makes any attempts to have a life. So…wishing for her to get away from FOOBville? Sure, I can see that. Death-wishing her? No.
(As far as unobnoxious characters go, by the way, I hate the pets, but they do get some small measure of love for making most of Elly’s Sundays a living hell.)
Hogen Mogen
April 18th, 2007 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

So here we are on week #6 of the walking tragedy that is named Vera Shields. This is what we know about her:
1) She used to be rich
2) She used to have a boyfriend/husband named Von, upon whom she lays various curses
3) She’s depressed
In a strip paced at a rate that normal people would find interesting, that should take three days to cover. At the average glacial pace of today’s strips, that would probably take a week or two. Yet, Moy & Giella have stretched such a thin plot out since March 12, and show no signs of slowing down – er, speeding up, as the case may be.

But you, too can have a ball taking normal dialogue and adding a “Vera thinks” after it.
Vera says “Thanks for inviting me over, Mary”
Vera thinks “My life once seemed so inviting”
Mary says “No trouble at all, Vera.”
Vera thinks “I’m in deep trouble now.”
Mary says “I’m relieved that you came over. You’re very sweet.”
Vera thinks “My life is over. Only death could bring sweet relief.”
Funky says “Cancer cancer incest murder.”
Vera thinks “That’s funny! You kept me from reading charming stories like this for so long. Curses upon you, Von!”
commodorejohn
April 18th, 2007 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

Also, she’s the only character who’s ever caught on to the strip’s blatant, beat-you-over-the-head-with-a-sandwich-board foreshadowing.
andreavis
April 18th, 2007 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

FW: So it’s not enough to have simultaneous war and cancer stories? We’ve got to dig through the archives for old murders, too. This could probably be considered the Winkerverse equivalent of a lighthearted romp (insert ironic sideways smirk here)
Hogen Mogen
April 18th, 2007 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

#103 – Baldo – we covered that in the last thread. My vote is that Toni coming over is just Brad’s wet dream.
Al
April 18th, 2007 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

GT: Now, see… my money was on “Clambake” being some kind of pedophile in violation of about a billion restraining orders regarding watching youth baseball. Of course, I know nothing about the history of baseball, other than the fact that it doesn’t take a great deal of guts to break barriers when the outcome is World Series victories.

FOOB: Didn’t Dee go to the same schools as Michael did, for a few years at least? I’m surprised the dialog didn’t go something like this: “Never mind about the schools thing — I remember this boy who was SO mean to me, and always wanted to borrow pencils. I wonder whatever happened to him? Oh yeah, I forgot…. Honey, is there a convent nearby?”

FW: That is so dissapointingly obvious. We knew John Darling was murdered — I was hoping that he had slept around before dying and had fathered a bunch of unknown kids first.
jvwalt
April 18th, 2007 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

#53 Red Greenback: “Sliding down the ravine” is not the same as “jumping the shark” — it’s the same as “taking [insert name here] to the Bucket.” As in, “Hey, Deanna, the kids are asleep. How ’bout a slide down the ol’ ravine?”

Further FOOB note: Once upon a time, before she married Mike and had a lobotomy, Deanna used to be an interersting character. She had a mind of her own; she initially balked at Mike’s advances, perhaps sensing what awaited her; she wanted to pursue a career (and spent some time in Central America working with poor people) even if it might have imperiled her budding relationship. The way they met — Mike and Weed coming across the scene of a car crash, reacting as reporters covering a hot story, and then realizing the victim was someone he knew — was one of the great storylines of FBOFW’s heyday. The decline of the strip parallels the decline of Deanna into Stepfordhood.
Hogen Mogen
April 18th, 2007 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

I do like the dialogue in JP:
“You speak English!”
“Yeah, of course I speak English. Everyone in France primarily speaks English. We just made up some nonsense Francais crap as an extra means to be rude to foreigners.”
Kronkina
April 18th, 2007 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

A3G: Let me be the first to call this version of the current storyline:

This isn’t about Margo being in “love” or marrying Eric. Margo doesn’t even know where Eric is half the time and doesn’t seem to have any way to get in touch with him other than accidentally bumping into him somewhere…and suddenly we find out that Eric has never even mentioned Margo (other than as the Event Planner), to the-relative-we’re-still-sure-of-the-exact-relation Ms. Mills, not to mention how he suddenly disappears just before the party, possibly to prevent anyone in his family from witnessing his playa act on Margo.

Dinner at his place? I think we all know what that led to. Margo has been used.

Irony’s a bitch, ain’t it?
Al
April 18th, 2007 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

#8 — Lucky you… my parents got foreclosed on while I was away on active military duty, didn’t tell me (to keep me from getting “worried”), and moved to an unknown location. I managed to get a surprise Christmas leave and got home to find an empty house. MERRY $%^$*^ X-MAS, MOM!
gh
April 18th, 2007 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

Hey! Hey! Everyone is so down on FW today, like the strip is just piling on the bad news. Well, letâ€™s just look at some bad things that could have happened recently, but didnâ€™t. Just for a little balance.

What didnâ€™t happen: Comic Book Guyâ€™s comics didnâ€™t catch fire, burning down Montoniâ€™s.

Why this is good: Maybe a car will crash through the front window, killing everyone in the first three booths.

What didnâ€™t happen: Lisaâ€™s cancer didnâ€™t spread, and is, in fact, in remission.

Why this is good: Maybe sheâ€™ll be sitting in one of those booths.

What didnâ€™t happen: Darrin didnâ€™t (and wonâ€™t, because she isnâ€™t) sleep with his sister.

Why this is good: Maybe heâ€™ll unknowingly sleep with his mother.

You just have to look at things from the right angle.
Hogen Mogen
April 18th, 2007 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

John Darling was one of the kids in Peter Pan. I say he was killed by Captain Hook.
pervygirl
April 18th, 2007 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

whoops, Leroy forgot to tip the stripper… in the back room.
missy
April 18th, 2007 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

A3G: Does Margo’s assistant have some type of medical condition that causes him to vibrate back and forth? What else explains the strange lines aroung him.

I order Clambake to go around to every comic strip sharing his black fairy godfather wisdom.

Imagine: Mary Worth gets her drivers license taken away from her and hires Clambake to take her around town. Yes, Driving Miss Mary will be the hit of the comic page as he tries to get her to actually accept people as they are without changing them. For her part she keeps pestering him until he drives them both off a cliff.

Clambake comes by Funky Winkerbean and tells everyone that cancer is bad. But not as bad as slavery.

Then Clambake stops by Pluggers and gets lynched.
Teem
April 18th, 2007 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

I was sitting at my desk just now, avoiding work, when it struck me that my invoking the dread names of Cthulthu and Chennux in a single post may have awakened things from the deep that would best be left unawakened.
And, umm, that would be bad.
Not as bad as a Mary Worth tuna casserole or Michael Patterson novel, but still, you know, bad.
So I apologize for any ensuing death, destruction and rampant terror.
Sorry.
gh
April 18th, 2007 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

#145 missy

Re A3G: Those are known as “bobble lines” and are natural phenomena that occur when anyone passes through Margo’s aura.
Weaselboy
April 18th, 2007 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

If you will all indulge me for a moment, I would like to offer a treatise comparing and contrasting the family dynamics at work in The Lockhorns and For Better or For Worse…Holy crap! Look at June Morgan’s boobs!
Dingo
April 18th, 2007 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

Margo’s “assistant” is none other than the love child of Katherine Hepburn and Howard Hughes. He takes after his father in his mysterious ways and his mother in the early stages of Parkinson’s Disease. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Kate got that fourth Oscar for no reason other than her fellow actors were amazed that she didn’t drop the cake as she walked from the kitchen to the dining room while singing “Happy Birthday.” But if there had been a bell on top of it instead of candles, neighbors would’ve thought there was a fire truck coming down the road.
Emma
April 18th, 2007 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

Mr. Yancey is black?
Red Greenback
April 18th, 2007 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

Holy Rolly Church of Soft Cialis! I go off to do my daily toil, and then I check back with the C.C….I think you Mudges are all displaying symptoms of Curmudgeon Priapism!…COTW’s everywhere!
Nina
April 18th, 2007 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

#141 Al I know it is a sore subject, but my husbands mom moved right after he left to go into the Air force and would not tell him the new address. Talk about no respect! Rodney got more respect than that.
Dingo
April 18th, 2007 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

Morgan’s Cleavage
to the melody of ‘Johnny Angel’

Morgan’s cleavage, Morgan’s cleavage
Morgan’s cleavage, Morgan’s cleavage
You’re a mouthful to me.

Morgan’s cleavage, how we love them
How I tingle when I view the page
You put flaccid men into a stage
I best not define.

Morgan’s cleavage, straight men want them
Many women viewers feel right pissed
In reality, how could such perfect bosoms exist?

Breasts of heaven, placed out for our display
I dream in jealousy at June’s sweet ectasy
All the fellows who at home contemplate
They sit and masturbate
While thinking heapin’ platefuls
Of your cleavage
‘cuz we love them
And I pray that someday we will see
Are they real or faux (plasticity)?
Are they pillows or a flesh-toned solid rack of concrete?

Morgan’s cleavage, Morgan’s cleavage
Morgan’s cleavage, Morgan’s cleavage
Morgan’s cleavage
commodorejohn
April 18th, 2007 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

Dingo – I used to hate that song passionately (more than one person has referenced it in regards to my first name,) but you just made me love it again.
MossMoses
April 18th, 2007 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

Vera’s inner thought balloon is thinking, “Dear Friend?! Who the fuck says dear friend? Curses upon you for saying that, Mary Worth”. This is what’s known in the business as distraction meddling. First, the subject is changed and the distracted prey floats wistful thought balloons. That’s when Mary Worth moves in for the kill, while Vera’s deflector Shields are temporarily inoperative and she is at her most vulnerable point.

This should be Diver Dan’s golden opportunity to cap Mark Trail’s ass. Mark Trail went there vigilante style, without notifying (worthless) law enforcement and is confronting criminals who are pulling off a two million dollar fraud. I can fully understand his cynicism towards the likes of Sheriff Rawhide but wouldn’t such criminals have a gun? Sally, like all women in Mark Trail, is weak and totally dependent on men. She stands there immobile while her husband is about to get his bearded block knocked off. The only females even capable of feeble independent thoughts are Cherry Davis Trail and Kelly Welly. Cherry spends most of her time pouring Mark Trail’s coffee and asking stupid questions straight from her scalp vagina. Kelly Welly’s independent “thinking” is unbridled lust and ambition. She is better off doing the fashion shows where there are no wild animals for her to act stupid around.
Red Greenback
April 18th, 2007 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

#122- Moon- That was the movie “Fletch” where Fletch told the Doc his name is “Ted Nugent”…Interesting sidenote re: Fletch…I designed the bamboo shirt that Mr. Chase wore in that filum…we had to make 6 of them, because Chevy was such a sweathog.
OverCat
April 18th, 2007 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

FBOFW: I was hoping for some spirited resistance from Deanna, or at least some reasonable “let’s think this through” caution, but alas, she has become a Foob-bot. She used to have spunk, that one.

What we do have in store for us, however, is the reaction of Deanna’s mother. Wait until the evil MIL finds out that, after refusing her offer of financial help to get them out of their over-crowded rat hole of an apartment and move closer to her, the kids are now ready to accept assistance to buy a house – and not just any house, but the Patterfoob homestead – and live right on the same street as said PFoobs!

But since Deanna’s mom is already firmly established as an antiFoob villainess, anything she says or does will just serve to reinforce the perfection for all that is the great Fooberson real estate deal.

Maybe April can go live with her.
Dingo
April 18th, 2007 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

MossMoses, as I read your breakdown of Mary’s meddlin’ mayhem, I began imagining her as a velociraptor and thought, “Clever girl.”

Oh, and the thought of Diver Dan capping Mark Trail’s ass necessitated my movement to the fainting couch. PLEEEEEEAAAAAAUGH-OOLAH!
The Eleusinian
April 18th, 2007 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

I picture Margo’s wedding as a grand affair, with the bride in an original Granger gown, of course. Margo’s comical immigrant mother will give her daughter away, tears in her eyes. Lu Ann will be the maid of honor, while Tommie will stare longingly at the altar, forgotten even as a bridesmaid.
Red Greenback
April 18th, 2007 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

I don’t even “read” RM,MD anymore. For me, it’s all about “June Morgan Breastcount, 2007″…Hubba Hubba!
Andrea D and the Grandstanding Oddballs
April 18th, 2007 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

I think that “Do you think I am frightened by scum such as you?” would make another great Curmudgeon t-shirt. At least, it would be one that I would wear proudly.
Harold
April 18th, 2007 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

Say, perhaps antagonizing G.E. Chennux this weekend wasn’t such a good idea. My computer has been gradually imploding since Monday starting with Microsoft Word, tying up the rÃ©sumÃ© that I was trying to revise, and then moving on to screw up every other part of this ancient beast.

My deepest apologies, oh galacticest of all Emperors Galactic! I shall sacrifice a sack of virgin potatoes in atonement!

I mentioned this on a long-dead thread, and someone else may have mentioned it since…but I believe Otha Yancy has a brother named MalÃ© and a sister named FemalÃ©.
Dingo
April 18th, 2007 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

Do I even want to know what a sack of non-virgin potatos would be?
Dennis Jimenez
April 18th, 2007 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

153, 154 – Can you do anything with Johnny Get Angry? I hate that one, too.
Andrea D and the Grandstanding Oddballs
April 18th, 2007 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

MW: In panel 2, Mary’s face begins to warp into that Scream mask. Freaky-deaky.

Foob: We’ll do everything exactly as it was done before… we can rename our kids! We’ll call them Michael and Elizabeth and have another and name it April… yes… and little Michael can be a big, important novelist some day! And you, Michael, I’ll call you John, you’ll play with your trains and I’ll look frumpy and complain a lot about getting old… it will be perfect… my precious…

MT: Wow. Mark defends the honor of the insurance company. I’m actually kind of underwhelmed on that one. I’m sure that State Farm really appreciates the upcoming punch-out, though. Fight, Mark, fight… fight… oh, I just don’t care.

Josh: Upon seeing Margo’s assistant’s expression, “GAWRSH!” is EXACTLY what I said. Thank you for justifying my existence in this world.
Andrea D and the Grandstanding Oddballs
April 18th, 2007 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

#40: I just realized that the last month and a half that we have lived since Dr. Jeff Cory returned from Vietnam with Mary, roughly 72 hours have passed in Charterstone Standard Time. Mary said goodbye to her shriveled psychic friend as soon as the plane landed. She then received a call from the advertising exec who introduced Mary to Vear. Vera came to the see apartment and signed the lease within the hour. Vera only has a broken glass and a small, stained mattress to her name, so she moved in before that evening. The next day, there was a party at Charterstone and Vera came by, freaked out, and left. Mary harrassed her with an APPLE? pie but two hours later, inviting her over for dinner the next night.
dbp
April 18th, 2007 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

Shadowfax has already noted our “mystery” rescuer uses a Luger. I think this confirms that the interloper is indeed a French Presidential hopeful – not Sarkozy, however, but Jean-Marie Le Pen.
Dingo
April 18th, 2007 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

I’m always up for a challenge.

Patterson Angry!
to the tune of ‘Johnny Get Angry’

John, my dear, I think we’re through
This big house needs someone new
Get your trains, I think instead
Up the street we’ll make our bed

CHORUS
Oh, Patterson angry, Patterson mad!
Poor April’s gonna have to leave the homestead!
Where will she herald her love with Gerald?
Deanna’s got her bed – very soon – the key

No one cares where she’ll reside
Down the ravine she could slide
When she went roadside, no one peaked
Life as a ho, could she eke?

CHORUS

Every girl wants someone who
Has basement cage’s chain her to
If Dad don’t love her, can’t you see?
She should live with Anthony!

CHORUS

Patterson angry, Patterson
Patterson angry, Patterson
Patterson
Rooser the Bruiser
April 18th, 2007 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

FOOBville, 2030: Robin and his wife buy the Patterson Family Home from Michael and Deanna, thus ensuring that Lyn Johnston’s family can keep the comic going by recycling old strips.
Gabe
April 18th, 2007 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

Dingo: Dunno, but in carny/rassler terminology, a “potato” is a black eye or bump on the head from your “opponent” getting too rough during the prescripted activities.

Hope that helps.
Red Greenback
April 18th, 2007 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

#156- Whoopsie Daisy!,maybe I should clarify about the Chevy/Fletch shirts I did. They weren’t actually made out of bamboo (only Vivien Westwood or JeanPaulGaultier could have pulled that off!)…Fact is, I used a djanting tool to etch out a wax-resist on silk…I’ll STFU now.
Mr. Coffee Nerves
April 18th, 2007 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

157…oh, man, overcat, I didn’t even think of Deanna’s Mom’s role to be played in the FOOB House Swap ‘07.

Is her Anti-FOOB Villainy going to rise to the point where Deanna cuts her off, OR will the sheer perfection of the house plan finally deliver a FOOBotomy to her frontal lobe?

I’m still not convinced the entire “plot” isn’t April’s coma delusions.
MossMoses
April 18th, 2007 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

GAWRSH isn’t usually seen except in the context of “Gawrsh, eee-hyuck, eee-hyuck, eee-hyuck” or “Gawrsh, Mickey”!
queek
April 18th, 2007 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

146: don’t cross the streams!

(anyone remember the episode of the Ghostbusters cartoon that featured Cthulhu?) (Did Scooby-Duke ever run into ol’ cephalod-head?)

On the subject of Pibgorn, perhaps Brooke is wanting a host that wont give him grief when his characters get their [Tracy] honked while naked on the grass? Could it be the next step into actual soft-core comirotica? *hopes*

SForth: even Hilary thinks Ted is less than manly. *sheesh*
Andrea D and the Grandstanding Oddballs
April 18th, 2007 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

I think that “Gawrsh, eee-hyuck, eee-hyuck, eee-hyuckâ€ neatly summarizes the expression on Sam’s face.
Gabe
April 18th, 2007 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

Queek: I believe there were several episodes of TRGB dealing with Lovecraft lore.
Moon Mullins
April 18th, 2007 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

171 Red: Whenever I think of that movie I am reminded of a favorite Family Guy bit, a sign which says:

Tonight only!
Dyslexic Film Society presents
Chevy Chase in “Felch”
Oâ€™Fogeyette
April 18th, 2007 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

145 Missy: I love your “driving Miss Mary” scenario. I hope it happens.

Dingo: too much! Too funny! You’re making me feel too inadequate! All I can manage is one parody every three weeks. And nobody laughs at them!

(The exclamation points are back. Does anyone know anything I can take for them?)
Red Greenback
April 18th, 2007 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

Ah Crap! I’ve been so scooped on song pardies!,I just found this on the internets:

Recorded by: ” The Detergents”
Words and Music by: Lee Pockriss and Paul Vance
(Parody of “Leader Of the Pack” by the Shangri-las)
{ } = sound effect [ ]= spoken ( )= sung by backup group

{piano chord}
(humming)

[Is he really goin' out with 'er? I don't know. Look, here he comes now. Let's ask 'im.
{piano chord}
Hey, Murray, is it true Betty's wearin' your ring? Uh-huh.
{piano chord}
Who's that bangin' on the piano? I don't know. You goin' out with
her tonight? You bet yer fur. By the way, where'd ya meet her? ]

I met her one day at the Laundromat.
[She turned around and smiled at me, ya get the picture? Yes, we see.]
And that’s when I fell in love with the Leader Of the Laundromat

{sound of motorcycle revving}

My folks were always putting her down (down, down)
Because her laundry came back brown (brown, brown)
I don’t care if they think she’s bad
I fell in love cuz she looked so sad
I got a date tonight with the Leader Of the Laundromat

{motorcycle revs, sputters, and stalls}
[Dang it!!]

My dad said “Find a laundry that’s new” (find a laundry that’s new)
How can I tell my baby we’re through (tell my baby we’re through)
Gotta drive right into town
I don’t care if my shirts are brown
I got a date tonight with the Leader Of the Laundromat

{motorcycle revs, sputters, and stalls}
[Dang it!!]

[When I finally got there, I told her it was all over between us. I'll never forget the
hurt and the funny look in her eye. She grabbed my laundry and ran into the street,
directly into the path of a runaway garbage truck.
I yelled "watch out !, watch out !, watch out !, watch out !, watch ou-u-t !"

{screeching brakes, crash, sound of breaking glass and falling metal parts}
[Dang it!!]

I felt so messy standing there (messy standing there)
My daddy’s shorts were everywhere (daddy’s shorts were everywhere)
Tenderly I kissed her goodbye
Picked up my clothes, they were finally dry
But I won’t forget you, oh Leader Of the Laundromat

{motorcycle finally runs smoothly}

(oh-oh-oh-oh)
{piano chord}
(ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
{piano chord}

[Who's that bangin' on the piano?
I don't know.]
Foobar
April 18th, 2007 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

94- Yeah, but that was an awesome verse. Just about every line was GT dialogue and that is an inconcievable feat.

107- They’re real, and they’re spectacular.

Moon Mullins. Moon Mullins!
Please be mi-i-ine…
TGrum
April 18th, 2007 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

Wow! This is scary. Just finishing lunch here and my reading of the online comics page for the Arizona Republic. I started playing my favorite cheesey Elvis song as I decided to come here to see if there was any speculation on what Toni was going to do with the banana in “Luanne.”

As I scrolled down to Gil Thorpe, Elvis was singing “Clambake!” A Twilight Zone moment for me.
Sergeant in the Free Time Army
April 18th, 2007 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

130 – could well be, sir. Either way, I’m glad somebody’s around to protect the Kaiser.
Different Dan
April 18th, 2007 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

Thank you, Josh, for drawing my attention to June’s spectacular breasts. I hadn’t really noticed them until this point, since I was still coping with the disappointment of the plotline involving her *garage*. Now I realize how good I had it all along.
Ukulele Ike
April 18th, 2007 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

Deanna’s Mom doesn’t have enough power on her own to stymie the Great Patterson Canadian Real Estate Land Grab.

Her only chance is to team up with Kortney, Howard Erk, and the Kelpfroths, pooling their talents and forming the…GREAT ANTI-FOOBIOUS LEAGUE OF EVIL!

#174 (re: Pibgorn): So, did Brooke receive a formal warning from the editors after he had Drusilla give Geoff a naked handjob right in the middle of last Friday’s strip, and Central Park?
Trotzenbonnie
April 18th, 2007 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

#179 – Reds
Oh good Lord! My dad used to play that song on the radio when he was a Disc Jockey back in the 60’s. BTW, Ron Dante of the Archies was in the Detergents.
Thanks for the memories.

And, June, thanks for the mammaries.
Red Greenback
April 18th, 2007 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

Is it just me? “Clambake” bears a striking resemblance to the old dude in “Heathcliff”
ElSanto
April 18th, 2007 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

Bah. Now we’ll never seen the scene where Abbey & Neddy build the Hum-V out of a flamethrower and some tubes! Mystery Batman Butler is intriguing, yes, but it could have been so much better.

I have half a mind to photoshop together the Judge Parker comic strip that we really all wanted to see…
AppleGirl
April 18th, 2007 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

FBOFW – I actually laughed at FOOB today! Because I thought Deanna said “…make FARTS in the same yard…”

Then I realized my mistake, and the strip pulled me back into its clausterphobic, sock-wearing ennui.
AppleGirl
April 18th, 2007 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

FBOFW – Have Michael and Deanna even LOOKED at other houses in the area? Why move into the parents’ stale old 1970s tract house? Don’t they realize they can buy a brand-new tract house with twice the square footage for half the money in that new subdivision? Granite countertops, hardwood floors. New Target store. Plus, easy freeway access!
gh
April 18th, 2007 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

#153 Dingo

I can’t imagine how that fell into place, but it was as smooth as chocolate silk pie. With breasts!
MikeM
April 18th, 2007 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

Just thinking about Brad and Toni, and I just cannot concentrate on work any more. I hope they give in so thoroughly that they have to call in sick for about 3 days in a row. You got that pillowtop and a bit of food to eat, thanks to Toni, so Brad, you gotta use it.

What horrifies me, though, is who will interrupt them? Luann, mom and dad, or Toni’s stalker ex-boyfriend? Heck, maybe it’ll be Luther.

Good luck to you, Brad. Before you start, change the locks. It’s going to be a busy week.

You two need this.
MossMoses
April 18th, 2007 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

189. AppleGirl, sainthood conveys with saintly Foob Manor. You just can’t put a price on holiness.
WithoutaK
April 18th, 2007 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

I neither love nor hate Baby Blues, but today’s (4/18) strip is just dumb. One of the mind-blowing Mysteries of Parenthood is that having kids = buying more groceries? Well, no shit, Sherlock! I’m so glad I read this before having children or I might have been blind-sided by the revelation that kids have a pesky habit of requiring sustenance.
gh
April 18th, 2007 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

Well, pull my head, Rolly Church of Big Rubber Alligators Serendipity! I’m in Florence, SC, doing a site visit and they’re setting up a new VCR and what do they pull out to see if it works? Oh, one guess and one guess only people. That’s correct: CLAMBAKE! Maybe I’ll stay and watch it.
sam walker
April 18th, 2007 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

Wait, there was a storyline in FBofW where Deanna gets pregnant by forgetting to take her birth control pills?? I admittedely haven’t really been reading the strip until recently, so I guess I missed that. Could anyone give me a date so I can try to go back and read this scandalous tale?
AhClem
April 18th, 2007 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

179 Red Greenback -
I remember hearing that song on the radio, way back when. It may or may not have been the same group that did a parody of a Herman’s Hermits hit, “Mrs. Brown You’ve Got an Ugly Daughter.”
katherine
April 18th, 2007 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

171– Actually, bamboo is a really trendy fiber right now! Alchemy yarns makes a bamboo yarn that feels just like silk, mmmmm.
Now that I’ve outed myself as a yarn nerd, I’ll go back to lurking.
queek
April 18th, 2007 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

184: don’t know, just was some conversation that Brooke wanted to explore different editorial standards. Was a couple of threads back.
Allie Cat
April 18th, 2007 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

#168 – Dingo – my husband and I LOVE that song – especially the impassioned kazoo solo…

Nice.
Paperback Rifler
April 18th, 2007 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

194. If you stay and watch it, gh, be sure to let us know if the movie features a mystical dude who helps Elvis stop pulling his head. ( “Lock your eyes on one hole, curl your lip, and start swinging — No! Put that bat down! I mean, swing your hips. Dammit, you’re Elvis Effin’ Presley!”)

Speaking of Clambake, Josh’s title for this post (what with “the glory and power” and all) inspired me to perpetrate the following attempt at a song parody (with apologies to Mark Knopfler, Dire Straits, and everybody everywhere):

Here come Clambake, he’s a golden oldie.
“Otha ‘Clambake’ Yancey is my name.”
Here come Clambake sayin’, “Look at the one hole,
Stop pulling your head; you won’t swing so lame.”

He got the wisdom, he got the motion —
Oh yeah, the guy’s all right!
He gets his nickname from the ocean;
Nobody can tell me if he’s black or white.

He spout the anecdotes about “Mr. Rickey”
He wear his t-shirt with the wrong side out
He talks to block —
He talks to blockhead louts.
Yeah, them Milford blockhead louts.
Allie Cat
April 18th, 2007 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

#195 – However old Merrie is + 9 months – they went on a ski trip and when they got back, she told Mike she was preggers. When they announced it to the family, Liz and her pals were discussing the fact that wasn’t it interesting that a pharmacist screwed up on her birth control. It was implied, by Liz and friends that it wasn’t really an “accident”, but it never went further than that.
doug rogers
April 18th, 2007 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

DTGT: Mr Clambake displays no obvious negroid features, I’m sorry. He looks like an old white guy. But if he talking about ‘coloured’ players, wouldn’t that be “Lime’ Rickey?
Tomcat
April 18th, 2007 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

Luann- Quit dancing around the bush, and get to the damn point, Toni! You wanna sleep with Brad or not?!
bats
April 18th, 2007 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

Good lord, is the action in Dick Tracy actually taking place in DESERT DIAMOND CASINO?!?! If it is, I’ve been there…it’s just south of Tucson, AZ (an enterprise of the Tohono O’odham tribe). I had no idea it was such a two-dimensional/angular place.

(So, okay, I was busy playing the Star Wars slots and hoping to see Darth Vader throttle some unfortunate Imperial officer…)

And I, for one, applaud more naked handjobs in the comics. Well, I would applaud if I had both hands available…
Ferd Berfel
April 18th, 2007 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

A3G – Hey Margo, enjoy your “engagement”!

Baldo – Can you report a comic strip to immigration?

Foob – Johnston is a complete ass. The former glamour puss Deanna now both looks and acts creepy. Is it the result of her two ‘accidental’ pregnancies? Or is it because the just-turned sixteen-years-old April is now the strip’s designated whore? In March, the 15-year-11-month-old April had a pony tail, a kid’s face, kid’s clothes, and a figure that looked like a tube sock in a wind tunnel. In April, the 16-year-0-month-old April suddenly has an adult hairstyle, bee stung lips, a somewhat mature fashion sense, and boobs. I can’t wait for this strip to die.

GF – “Flair conditioner” is now in my vocabulary. Granted, this strip is uneven. Conley mails it in with his yearly ‘Dog/Cat Facts’ schtick and occasionally sinks into the ‘gag a day’ rut, but when he’s on he’s among the best.

(DT)GT – Good Sweet Christ! Can they be more condescending? This arc featuring Clambake is going end up reading like the Klan’s version of the Jackie Robinson story.

MT – Fists by Friday, I’m thinking.

MW – Mary never notices when someone else has a migraine, does she?

RMMD – Zowee! This story arc is going to go down in history as Boob-A-Palooza 2007!

SF – That makes her ‘Mom No.2′… not counting Dad. See? Even Hilary knows Ted is a screaming queen. Christ, I hate Sally Forth. And by the way, what sort video games do 36-year-old women play? Chug White Zinfandel and Bitch About Men 2007? Hell, I don’t know of any 36-year-old women who play video games.

TDIET â€“ The reason they donâ€™t dress up for dinner is because, as senile senior citizens, they eat dinner at 2PM before going to bed at 5PM to wake up at 4AM. Youâ€™re lucky they arenâ€™t still in their pajamas, Hal Steinberg of Boynton Beach, FL.

My Meta Post- Given the overall weirdness breaking out in all of our favorite soap strips, I am convinced more than ever that the artists and writers lurk here and are presenting these stories on purpose. Think about it for a moment. They know that a significant and growing minority of readers read their strips in a ‘post modern’ sense; look at the many comics blogs, and that any increased readership will keep these comics in papers who perceive their readership as â€˜grayingâ€™. Lately, we’ve been handed a bonanza of double entendres, innuendos, and other goodies. We’ve had Aldo, Rex’s many man-crushes, June’s breasts, Mark Trail channeling the Terminator, much more than usual of Margo being Margo, and lots of other wild and wooly stuff. They must be doing it on purpose. Theyâ€™re walking a fine line, keeping things just â€˜normalâ€™ enough to placate their syndicates and elderly readers while getting just crazy enough to hook the post modern crowd.
Margo!Boxcar!Saturn!
April 18th, 2007 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

SHIRT ALERT!!!

I missed the margoboxcarsaturn post office today, so shirt-only orders are going out in the AM. Look for the friendly RW&B USPS box in your locale early next week (if not this weekend for RightCoast-ers). Cups are SUPPOSED to be here Friday, and all boxes are labeled and stuffed with shirts waiting for the cups.

Thanks all who ordered. As Tony the Tiger would say, “theeeyyYYYY’RREEEE… pretty nice!”
Lynngineering
April 18th, 2007 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

FBOFW: Well, I’ve been out of the loop for a day or two, but I have to report on how well things add up in Michael’s coma fantasy. He must be ready to knock off soon.

The roles were set up already, and fit now: King Michael, literally vantage point King-of-the-hill looking down, onto his domain, the Patterson spread (pun intended), and the Dee-bot, breeder-accountant version at his side, back grovelling for more punishment, being exactly like him, replicating his life and making sure his carbon(-based)copies will do that as well, and there positioned at the bottom, off-stage to the court but awaiting King Michael, the court-jester, April, who is out of drag-queen terminator mode, and therefore also dejected, as she has to – and will – power up somehow new.

Only a coma fantasy would go this long, this centered on such pure infantile regression, and as it seems to get more severely regressive, I start to wonder if Michael will last till september this way…
HehHeh
April 18th, 2007 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

RMMD: Dr. Rex will have to do some exploratory tests on June’s severe case of “breastus maximus”
Sjofn
April 18th, 2007 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

Funky Winkerbean totally needed a dun dun DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN at the end of it.
Andrea D and the Grandstanding Oddballs
April 18th, 2007 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

A3G: On second thought, maybe what Sam is thinking when he says “You’re getting married?” in that dilated-pupil, head-bobbling sort of way, is less “GAWRSH” and more, “Where I done growed up, girls get married real early-like… ain’t you a bit old to be gittin’ hitched now, Ms. Margot?”
MossMoses
April 18th, 2007 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

208. IED Alert! That breast looks like a shaped charge, possible torpedo.
PInk Haired Girl
April 18th, 2007 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

“Drop the blade, cretin!”

Awesome. Must use this phrase when I’m fencing to see what happens.

Tee Hee. “Drop the blade, cretin!”
Stev0
April 18th, 2007 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

I can’t believe everyone missed the point of The Lockhorns. Look at how Loretta is holding the bill. If Leroy says “no,” Loretta takes it. If he says “yes”, she’ll rip it into tiny pieces. There’s no way for Leroy to win, as usual.
Kurdt
April 18th, 2007 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

Has anyone seen this yet?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Wla4TFEmpk

Or this?
http://www.marmadukeproject.com/

As Mr. Burns would say: “Hi-larious!”
alamo
April 18th, 2007 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

foobville — maybe deanna is thinking that if they take possession of the family manor all the foobs can be united in the same burial grounds with all of their pets after she disposes them one by one.
Gabe
April 18th, 2007 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

Fred: I agree that all the other strips, possibly they’re snarking back at us, except for Mark Trail. It’s always been like that. Except now he gets lazy with some cut n’ paste with the advent of photoshop. Though to be fair, a LOT of comic guys have, too.
Dean Booth
April 18th, 2007 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

RMMD: For all the CC June Morgan breast fans, I turned up this June Morgan Nudie Flip Pen on Ebay. Huzza-huzza!
Trotzenbonnie
April 18th, 2007 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

#217 – Dean
Woo hoo! dig them cans!
But – remember the ladies!
Can you do a flip pen that makes Mark Trail’s pants fall down? Or maybe one so we can see Crankshaft’s shaft?
Dean Booth
April 18th, 2007 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

#218, Troz. I offered up the pen only as an interesting historical artifact. Men in the 50s were such dogs!
Ferd Berfel
April 18th, 2007 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

#207/Lynngineering – You know, I’ve never approached Foob from the Mike-in-a-coma angle. I’ve always assumed the utter wretchedness of the strip was all due to the Lynn-Johnston-in-a-coma angle.

Ending the strip ala St. Elsewhere; it all turns out to be in the imagination of some retard zoning out with a snow globe, would nice too. The snowglobe bit would explain why the strip is set in Canada and the retard bit would explain everything else.

Just imagine, the last Foob panel ever features Shannon sitting in a puddle of her own filth staring intently into a dimestore snowglobe…

It just fits so well, doesn’t it?
bats
April 18th, 2007 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

Wow, June’s still pretty hot for a…ah, um…75-year-old.
Dorianne
April 18th, 2007 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

Ok, ok, ok, wait a minute. I’m really confused about all the FOOBS down in FOOBville. Can someone explain something to me?

If the FOOB strip is going to be “frozen in time,” does that mean none of the characters will ever age?

Does this mean that April will be a 16-year old, stuck-at-home (or wherever) virgin forever, stuck in a never-ending, poorly-paid babysitting gig for life? Does this mean Liz will now date an infinite string of men who will cheat on her, while continuing to play this push-me/pull-you game with Granthony forever?

WTF does it mean? *shakes the thread by the shoulders* WHAT DOES IT MEAN???
gh
April 18th, 2007 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

#200 Paperback Rifler

Niiiice! Iâ€™m back at gh Central after my road trip â€“ didnâ€™t stay to see more than a few minutes of Clambake. The incidental music seemed to be of the I Dream of Jeannie sitcom school . . .

Anyway I just had to unload this. Had anyone here been there with me I know we would have collapsed in a heap on the floor in uncontrollable (and unexplainable) laughter. As it was I became the anti-Vera Shields:

ghâ€™s word balloon: Clambake. Elvis, right? OK then, carry on. Iâ€™m going down to the computer lab to check my e-mail.

ghâ€™s thought balloon: Are you [Margo]ing KIDDING ME?? CLAMBAKE?! I canâ€™t boxcar BELIEVE this! Hey, guys! . . . Guys? . . . Anyone?

Which is when I scurried down the hall to the computer lab, breaking in on a class in session with a look of purposeful determination that bespoke the serious mission I was on. If you donâ€™t have a laminated nametag, I suggest you get one just for occasions like this one. Rule #1: always look like you know what youâ€™re doing, and itâ€™s of vital importance that you do it.

Curminions, what would I do without you?
Mooncattie
April 18th, 2007 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

Never mind the insurance swindle — Dan’s fatal mistake is to swipe Mark Trail’s ONLY brown forest ranger shirt. That’s one Right Cross, coming up! Meanwhile, nobody has bothered to tell poor Rusty that he can stop cleaning the rowboat now.

#7, yes I also I noticed the April 27 RMMD posted this morning by accident on Tank McNamara’s page. Rex is on the phone with June, describing Hugh Avery as “pompous”, and says he is taking him to Avery International via “the scenic route”. I’m guessing this gives Heather until approximately the Memorial Day weekend to beat them to the board meeting. I don’t even dare think what “the scenic route” may entail.
CrabbyGenes
April 18th, 2007 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

To #8 PurpleMartin: Great comment. I love the snarky FOOB comments on this site, but I also like the serious ones like yours because they help me define just what it is that bothers me so incredibly much about this strip.

I’ve read only your comment so far on this thread because my sister (also a Curmudgeon) referred me to it. Sorry to post this so long after you wrote it, but it was unavoidable–I’m catching up on a lot of things at work, and cannot read CC other comments just now.

I’ll just add here, that since Deanna and Michael went to the same grade school once upon a time (Michael had a crush on her when they were kids, and then he met her again much later in life), Deanna must have lived in somewhat the same neighborhood as Michael. This makes her standing there rhapsodising about Michael’s (and her) wonderful childhoods even more selfish than it already seems. Right, you two, have it all over again for YOURselves and YOUR kids, but ignore the one person who is still a child, and who is actually entitled to it whereas you two AREN’T. You two make money, and April doesn’t, and you two are supposedly adults, so MOVE SOMEWHERE ELSE!!!
True Fable
April 18th, 2007 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

#222 Dorianne – Why do you think April’s all in a lather about where she’s going to live? She knows that in a few short months, she will be STUCK THERE FOR ALL ETERNITY and omg, she’d better get out of Canada fast!

She doesn’t have a lot of healthy choices. Stay with John and Elly, and be treated like shit forever and constantly worry those clueless two will catch her going roadside, and they will ask why her windowsill is so worn down and why there is a faint path through the grass from the alleyway to her window.
Stay with Michael and Deanna, get her room back but become an indentured servant with no pay, since Dee and Mike will reason that they’re providing her with a free place to live and not pay her to babysit in her own house. Yeah, I KNOW they’re doing that now, but when it becomes Their house they’ll do as they damn well please. If it’s okay with Elly, that is. It will be.
Move in with Liz, but this won’t last long because once Saint Liz gets her own apartment, it will become holy ground. That means April will be purified Every Time she steps into the apartment, and she won’t be able to have sex there. It’s the way Liz has always lived, but April didn’t realize it.
True Fable
April 18th, 2007 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

Just some observations -

A3G Sam is such a MargoFan, he raised his hand in the second panel to make his head bobble just like his heroine. What next? Shopping for hats?

DtM I wouldn’t call it menacing, but Dennis is obviously setting the stage for Gina to forgive him his trespasses after they move in together at college. Keep feeding her subliminal messages like that, kid, and maybe she won’t notice you turning her into a StepFoob Wife. But she’ll resent it like hell if she finds out.

DT The Queen of Diamonds ju-u-ust missed clocking his Clubs and Spade, bless her Heart. Fortunately for Dick, his father was Mr. Fantastic so he can easily bend around her knee. Yeah, right.

MT Dan, Beware the Power of the Blue Hair Streak! It will OWN YOUR SOUL!!

DEAN BOOTH! Will you please try this?

Today’s FC Leave the top part alone, with Thel asking Jeffy “Got the blues, little man?” But on the bottom, manipulate Jeffy’s arm & hand around to give her the finger, and the caption should read, “I told you not to call me Little Man! Fuck you!”
I’d do it but… I don’t know how. *hhhgh.*

*hhhgh* is the sound I make when I sigh, since I have NEVER sounded like “sssigh” in my life.

Luann Damn, Brad, you are so fuckin DENSE! She came back to get her GLOVE, she gave you a basket of GOODIES that included BANANAS and is asking you for a BANANA! Yes, she obviously wants a dip, that dip is YOU, STUPID!!
Dammit all to hell, son, you are never going to get laid.
True Fable
April 18th, 2007 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

Phantom Lordy lordy. Today marks the end of a storyline in this strip. Please by all that is Chennux, let’s not have another story crop up where an old man rattles off half-baked semi-mystical babble for weeks on end while the so-called hero is still trying to find his own ass with both hands.
The Porridge Bird
April 18th, 2007 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

Lockhorns: The apparent joke is: whose money could it possibly be if it’s in Leroy’s trousers? “Oh, no, honey, I’m holding it for Jerry down the road. Honest!” It reminds me of a vacation when a bellboy knocked on my hotel door and said, “Did you know you had your ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign up?” Which is a bit of a bad move for him. Either I didn’t know and he’s a sadistic prat who enjoys making me look like a foob, or I did know, he woke me up, and he will be SO DEAD IF HE KEEPS SMILING LIKE THAT.
Dean Booth
April 18th, 2007 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

#227. Here ya go, True. I’m afraid Jeffy has a case of Dick-the-Doorbell hands.
True Fable
April 18th, 2007 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

The truth is finally revealed!
True Fable
April 18th, 2007 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

#230 Dean Booth, Thanks! That is EXACTLY what I was looking for!

I asked my son to help me with 231. I swear I’m going to learn how to do this nifty stuff by myself one of these days.

But you, sir, are the MASTER. *bows*
Jamus The Bartender
April 18th, 2007 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

Luann:
See Luann’s dumb brother Brad in his new home.
See Toni Daytona the crazy ex-girlfriend bring him some presents.
Let’s see what she’s got here..
A laundry basket…
Potato Chips…
Soup…
Soap and Towels…
And…bananas.
Hmm…
Oh! Toni wants one.
You know what’s gonna happen next.
Dirk is gonna bash Brad’s f***ing skull in.
And Toni’s gonna get all turned on.
Bye bye,Brad.
Can Luann have the house?
Dean Booth
April 18th, 2007 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

Thanks, True. I learned a little bit at a time. I don’t do any drawing, just cut and paste and rotate tiny pieces. Keep at it, and you’ll be a pro after a while.
Red Greenback
April 18th, 2007 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

FC: Thel’s prodigious rackage “stacks” up nicely with Mrs. M’s. Nowhere near Mrs. Bumstead’s mammalian protuberances, though.
Artist formerly known as Ben
April 18th, 2007 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

#217, Dean Booth,
That reminds me of Homer Simpson picking up a similar pen (probably not June Morgan, but wouldn’t that be cool?) and musing, “You know who would love this? Men!”
deathproof
April 18th, 2007 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

Clealy they’re alluding to this old bar joke in today’s installment of the Lockhorns:

Guy was drinking with some buddies in a bar and has one too many and barfs all over his shirt.
He says “The wife is gonna kill me when she sees this.”
Buddy says “Check it out–just put a $20 bill in your pocket and when she asks tell her some other guy at the bar puked on your shirt and gave you the twenty for dry-cleaning.”
Guy says “Brilliant!”
So he staggers in the house about 3 a.m. and of course the wife is waiting for him and starts giving him the business about the puke on his shirt.
He hands here the money from his pocket and says “Look! Some guy at the bar puked on me and gave me this twenty to dry-clean the shirt!”
She looks at the cash and says “But there are two twenties here.”
Guy says “Oh yeah, he shit my pants, too.”
reader-who-posts
April 18th, 2007 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

A3G: We’ve seen Sam for just two days now and he already looks like he’s pissed at Margo. I like him.

BC: A slap at comicscurmudgeon from the grave?

DT: Dick is doing a great job – he’s managed to rub chalk on her breasts during the fight.

FW: In Funky Winkerbean’s world, discussing your father’s murder is what’s known as ‘remembering the good old days’.

MW: I’m upset that Mary didn’t mention that she killed a man.

Lockhorns: Oh, Josh you are so so wrong. Bunny Hoest and John Reiner get paid for creating this junk. They are without a doubt the winners.

Luann: Jeez, Brad we get it you want to dip your banana into Toni. Don’t be so damn obvious.

Redeye: How do native americans living in the plains have time to make pasta formed into letters, when in fact they had no written language (or pasta)? Oh, right it’s Redeye – it doesn’t have to make sense…sorry to bring it up.
katherine
April 18th, 2007 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

I….I…..
….I kinda agreed with BC today. I’ve read so many stupid racist things about the VT shooter today, that when I read BC I was kinda like “yeah, that about sums it up”. I promise it will never happen again, and I claim extenuating circumstances.

Oh, and I guess I lied about that going back to lurking thing.
Tattis
April 18th, 2007 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

I think the reason today’s Lockhorns makes no sense is because we’re used to seeing them within an inch of bludgeoning each other with the nearest object… or, well… whatever object the artist has decided to add to the void. This Lockhorns presents something else. This innocuous question by Lorette is the rarely seen form of “Lockhorn foreplay.”
Buck Ripsnort
April 18th, 2007 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

What worries me is that Loretta looks as depressed at finding that $20 as Leroy. Not even an unexpected windfall can lift the pall of Lockhorn bed-death.
RedLion
April 18th, 2007 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

Am I….the only one who thinks that “Clambake” is whiter than the kids?
Artist formerly known as Ben
April 18th, 2007 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

#129, Moon Mullins.
Your idea brings a whole new meaning to “To the moon, Alice!”
Krazy Kat
April 18th, 2007 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

Deanna does kinda resemble Susan Smith in today’s FBORW. Maybe she’ s thinking, when it rains that ravine would be just deep enough to sink a car in.
Blade Runner
April 18th, 2007 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

Dingo: Most Impressive. Juneâ€™s Breasts, that is. Fine job of snarking there too, buddy. Congrats on your new job in Reno by the way.

#212 â€“ Pink Haired Girl: Yes, that would be more refreshing than the standard â€œYou killed my father, prepare to die, or â€œI see my cut has improved your voiceâ€.

Foil, Saber or Epee?

Does anyone know where to access Pibgorn yet?
True Fable
April 18th, 2007 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

One more from the (Roopville) kid with a new toy:

Mary Worth’s true form

I am going to get nothing productive done now.
Pastor Z
April 18th, 2007 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

Has anyone else noticed that Clambake is wearing his shirt inside out and backwards?
The Avocado Avenger
April 18th, 2007 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

Dear Chennux, I’m more of a mole than a sauce, but that’s neither here nor there. I’m humbled at your terrifyingly delicious offer to make me into a tasty appetizer. Is this where I tell your excellency that I am actually a female? I understand it makes a difference when baking and broiling.
Moon Mullins
April 18th, 2007 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

I finally figured out who Deanna was reminding me of in panel 3 of today’s strip:

Former child deviled-ham pitchman Mason Reese.
SixFootJen
April 18th, 2007 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

247 Pastor Z: You’re kidding, right? No, no one else has commented on that. Not dozens of times over the past several posts. And, hey, d’ja ever notice that Aldo Kelrast looked like Captain Kangaroo? And his last name was an anagram for stalker? I did, ’cause I’m super-perceptive.
AhClem
April 18th, 2007 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

The preamble of the Constitution, as recited by Vera Shields:

We the people of the United States (including that bastard, Von), in order to form a more perfect union (we once had a perfect union, but it turned into grief and sadness), establish justice (if there were any justice, I’d be free of those terrible memories), insure domestic tranquility (Oh, sweet death, bring me tranquility and peace), provide for the common defense (speaking of which, I can’t let this meddling biddy get the upper hand), promote the general welfare (which I must now live on, where once I frolicked with the jet-set), and secure the blessings of liberty (I wish I was liberated from these miserable thoughts) to ourselves and our posterity (Posterity, schmosterity. When will his memory stop tormenting me?), do ordain and establish (I cannot establish a home here, as I must keep fleeing) this Constitution for the United States of America.
Trotzenbonnie
April 18th, 2007 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

#249 – Moon
Mason Reese is the model for Wombat in TDIET.
(Did Mason Reese personify “cute” in the 1970’s?)
andreavis
April 18th, 2007 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

#205 Ferd: uhm, I’m a 38 year old woman, and I play video games. We have a PS2 & I play “Godzilla: Save the Earth” and “Lego Star Wars II” with my 7 year old. He routinely kicks my butt, despite the fact I have a 25+ year advantage on the little punk, having received my first Atari 2600 back in the early 80’s. Of course, he spends more time playing than I do– I’m too busy fixing my makeup and shopping for shoes *giggle!*
Len
April 18th, 2007 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

#39 — I like the idea of a Tee shirt with the close-up of Cherry Trail, eyes wide and mouth in Home Alone mode, thinking, “Oy gevalt! A talking potato!”

And on the BACK, is the close-up of the Potato, thinking, “Good grief! A talking Cherry!”

(.. because “a talking vagina” would just be RUDE, lewd, and crude.)
tiggrrl
April 18th, 2007 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

Long-time reader, first time commenter. Do you know about this comics feed consolidator?
jay
April 18th, 2007 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

Clambake should move to Charterstone and teach Chinbeard some old-fashioned…stuff.
Red Greenback
April 18th, 2007 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

#247 Pastor Z: The entire Gil Thorp strip is inside-out and backwards.
Dorianne
April 18th, 2007 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

#226, True Fable: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Free April! Free April!

*bangs cup on the bars*
Red Greenback
April 18th, 2007 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

#255-tiggrrl. The Dark Gate Comic Slurper Configuration Device is freakin’ AWESOME! Thank you so much!
King Folderol
April 18th, 2007 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

A3G – The three separate personalities and reactions of our puckish young friend tells me that, in actuality, he’s being bussed in from Gil Thorpe to provide a supporting character. The upside is that he gets to be drawn better.

FBOFW – There’s always been this implication by Lynn (surprise, surprise) that Deanna is this incredibly hot woman that Michael’s lucky to have, but I don’t see it. Her hair looks like a bad map, and her face looks like made of the bits of clay that Gumby didn’t want or couldn’t use.

JP – Unfortunately, generic French thugs speak English, not Awkward Idiomatic English. So they’re about to get gunned down due to incredibly terrible sentence construction. For all we complain here at CC about bad comics dialogue, this is the first time someone will die because of it.

RMMD – I, for one, love the gratuitous June breast shot. Here, her breast isn’t just pouting, it’s throwing a temper tantrum because Daddy wouldn’t buy it ice cream at the mall.
Red Greenback
April 18th, 2007 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

Moon and Trotz! Mason Reese! That’s a blast from past! Do you realize Mason Reese’s name anagrams to: A SEMEN SORE? well it does. Now combine that with Wombat and you get: A SOWS TOE MEMBRANE! Hey! veal, waitress, all week.
Dingo
April 18th, 2007 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

Blade Runner #245: Thanks but, to quote from Pierre Choderlos de Laclos’ Les Liaisons dangereuses (known in the United States as They Flew by Night), one doesn’t applaud the tenor for clearing his throat. At this stage, I have a job interview in Reno. I hope, my family hopes, and June Morgan’s breasts hope that I get the job but it hasn’t happened yet.

I always like your nom de plume because 1) Blade Runner is one of my favorite movies (the other being The Magnificent Ambersons) and 2) it used to be my screen name on chat sites since my last name is the same as a popular razor company (and means, in middle English, “topographic name for someone living at the top of a glen or ravine” â€” and, no, it’s NOT Patterson).
dreadedcandiru2
April 18th, 2007 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

FBoFW: Another comic strip female who needs a good slap in the mouth: ELLY!! All new stuff! WOW!! That is GREAT! Too bad you still have the same husband. Also super too bad you share the same blind spot with him: it has a propellor hair do, wears a school uniform and damn near drowned in the ravine your dope fiend DIL Deanna is guishing about.
TallGrl
April 18th, 2007 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

I have to say, I’m soooo glad I found this site! I agree that FOOB has been going south for a loooooong time…I think starting with the Mike-and-Dee secret wedding…I felt robbed that Dee’s mom never found out about that one! But I think this strip is like a bad car wreck…I can’t look away.

Personally, given the upcoming time freeze…I think tomorrow’s strip should show April walking down the hallway of Chez Patterson, and she turns the corner to find Merrie and Robin standing side by side in the hall, wearing matching outfits, a la “The Shining”….

“Come play with us April…For Evah….and evah….and evah…..”
Tats
April 18th, 2007 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth vs. Vera Shields: in a complete battle of self-absorption, who wins? Not the readers.
Dr. Dong
April 19th, 2007 at 12:01 am [Reply]

Dennis Franz should play Leroy Lockhorn in the live action Lockhorns movie.
Joshlurker
April 19th, 2007 at 12:03 am [Reply]

Pibgorn is and has been available at http://www.comics.com and I haven’t seen that the “does this hurt when I squeeze it” strip was removed or tampered with. And I didn’t find this much more risque than half the stuff in the Midsummer Night’s Dream storyline, anyway.
Dingo
April 19th, 2007 at 12:05 am [Reply]

Apt. 3G: “Soon there’ll be a sparkle on her left hand.” That’s called ejaculate, Margo.
Dingo
April 19th, 2007 at 12:08 am [Reply]

Flying brown toupee /
Killer right hook from Mark Trail! /
Can’t we work this out?
Marion Delgado
April 19th, 2007 at 12:18 am [Reply]

June BEARDS Rex in his den, and demands he “get busy” with Hugh. Rex refuses, singing “You don’t own me. Don’t say I can’t go with other boys!”

June is angry. Soon the classified ad about Rex Morgan, MAN DOER! will appear. trouble right here in river city. It starts with an H and ends up on brokeback mountain.
He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus
April 19th, 2007 at 12:25 am [Reply]

I think it’s safe to say Sam is a hat man.
fizzy logic
April 19th, 2007 at 12:32 am [Reply]

I’m not at home right now and risking killing the hamsters running this steampunk machine by posting this, but I just have to know:

Where the HELL is Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener?

Gadge, come back, we miss you! Spring break’s over, buddy. Put down the margarita and return to your post.

That is all.
Marion Delgado
April 19th, 2007 at 12:32 am [Reply]

It’s not just being a hat man it’s if you prefer hats to girls. then we got problems. also, hillary made it official. sally is mom #1 “Ted” is mom # 1 1/2. Jackie is mom #2.

Hillary now has 3 mommies. Take that [@#$#$#], Heather!

How realistically plain/butch female is Ted?
Broken Skittles
April 19th, 2007 at 12:32 am [Reply]

http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2007/4/19&name=BC

That Johnny. Such a genius. What’s the best way to make what could only vaguely be considered a joke funny? Add a laugh track, of course. Can’t believe I didn’t think of that. Oh, and Johnny, if you wonder why my voice sounds funny today, it’s because I’m wearing a certain something on my nose. Ha ha ha ha ha
Mibbitmaker
April 19th, 2007 at 12:40 am [Reply]

4/19:

MW: Jeez, even the birds are nosey in this strip!

MT: How did he find out so fast?!? It took ol’ Slowpoke Rodrigues forever to get it! Meanwhile, finally we see the ol’ fake beard dismantler in action! And Dan’s own pocket tells how Mark found out! And some purple (chair? jukebox??) is embarrassed… and was also a friend of Trail’s. And, finally, Dan, even while punch-stunned, can ballance the ol’ Jackball on his knee! He didn’t need to commit fraud, he could’ve performed at carnivals.

JP: Man, did this strip ever pick the wrong week for this storyline! Seriously.
Lynngineering
April 19th, 2007 at 12:42 am [Reply]

FBOFW: It’s Thursday’s strip and the fantasy is relentless: Michael dreams of Mom and she is stillllll on that same “stuff” question, as if this requires to be repeated. Looking at the kitchen wondering what to do with all the “stuff” accumulated over their – what, century? – there. John, in his step-n-fetchit role serving Elly as usual, just says: Michael is so great, let’s just leave EVERYTHING FOR HIM!!! Wow – why is he is so excited about this idea, ridiculous for how stupid simple it is all. Just BUY! MONEY! is the answer…. and the best is why: Because. they. lost. it. all. in. a. fire…

Oh yeah, this is Michael. His neural synapses connect together occasionally and he sends himself back a feedback signal to try – try – and wake up out of that coma: “YOU WERE IN A FIRE! WAKE UP!”

But it’s no use, this is the point of view of an infantile regression, “Mr.25,000″ Michael – who thinks it’s just a question of his parents buying “new stuff” for him. The fantasy of limited income parents with a 16 year old April, who shave sheets and need to buy their train sets, just being so happy with buying everything “new” … Michael, of course, has always wanted everything changed and now he has. He will help to choose the “stuff” of course.

It being Michael-the-Author’s fantasy, his script always forgets and telegraphs his intentions too bluntly into the storyline as well, right through the empty-character of Dad:

Dad knows (that Elly knows) he is no longer “new”, but generally doesn’t state it so obviously as he does here:

Michael is King! King Michael; the Qeen Mother-Editor Elly, and the court-jester April. Oh yes, the Princess Liz, who will be sent off to her own little place in the province and forgotten, as she has no claim to the lineage and is stinky anyway HA. And Queen Dee-Bot, breeder, accountant for Michael, who services him while she takes care of the important “stuff” – Michael’s progeny.

Fun all around, can’t wait to see what happens when that little out-of-control terminator April goes back into drag-queen mode and shows up in his fantasy again.
Broken Skittles
April 19th, 2007 at 12:42 am [Reply]

On another note, Lynn’s evil plan has been revealed: on September 1, the strip will be frozen in time as Mike and Deanna assume the roles of Elly and John. The strip will go on, set in the same house, with the same story lines, and same foobish personalities, only with different names. Mike Patterson, your transformation is nearly complete! Just make the most of it, because in 2035, you’ll have to cede control of the Patterson manor to your son and his absurdly devoted wife.
Trotzenbonnie
April 19th, 2007 at 12:44 am [Reply]

Well, I’m no Japanese poet, but here goes…

LuAnn – Looks like the only way Toni is going to get any action is if she sits on the washing machine during the spin cycle.

Baby Blues – I had no idea that having children led to check kiting.

Rex Morgan – Rex is trying to titillate the curminions into composing a Meatloaf parody.
Broken Skittles
April 19th, 2007 at 12:44 am [Reply]

P.S. to John – yes, you’ll still be the same. Except that you won’t be you. Sorry.
Sunny Mel Blatherscythe
April 19th, 2007 at 12:59 am [Reply]

Gil Thorp – Dammit Rick, if you’d bothered to watch Crossroads (198?- w/Ralph Machio) or even the Littlest Rebel (193?- W/ Shirley Temple) you’d have realized that hanging with wise,old, homesy black gentlemen means that Sooner or later Ol’ Scratch (Aka..Satan,The Devil,Lucifer, Mr. Rickey,Mephistopholes,The Beast) figures into the mix. I expect a Home Run derby between Ol’ Scratch and Rick within the next couple of weeks for the price of his immortal soul. And sadly for poor Rick the Devil can hit a curveball.

For Better or Worser Still – I don’t see what the hassle here is, All April has to do is convince Deanna and Milksop Michael that Farley’s headless ghost roams the hallways every full moon. A little red food coloring,some chocolate syrup—

Judge Parker – Whooda thunk that the luger was the thinking man’s butler’s choice of fire arms? Alas, Bruno and Pierre brought knives to a gunfight if it were, and are soon to slamdance and snort drain cleaner in the Great Beyond. Bon Voyage mon garbage, Bon Voyage.
Mibbitmaker
April 19th, 2007 at 1:03 am [Reply]

More Thursday:

FOOB: John, however, will stay the same (that word again! I already did the Firesign Theater reference, Lynn). Next panel after the last one, Elly loses her smile.

FC: “Daddy, Jeffy’s functionally retarded again!”

BBailey: For once, Halftrack has good reason to “Now what?”. Close Contrivance Drill really paid off for our Swampy soldiers this week.

(DT)GT: Wow, a white guy in the Negro Leagues! Who knew? And a lame Mel Gibson joke after a Paris Hilton quip recently. By August, there’ll be a doozy of a Don Imus punchline.

A3G: Margo at her Margoiest! And, about Sam… I like the page on “30 Rock” better.

Peanuts 1994: I’ll say they have a weird team! The wrong VanPelt is quoting Bible verse.

Garfield: Well, that’s something that can be said of either Garfield or Jon: He’s a big dip!
Sunny Mel Blatherscythe
April 19th, 2007 at 1:31 am [Reply]

Your’e all going to get me fired, I’m laughing way too loud and I think I ruptured something internally!!
SecretMargo
April 19th, 2007 at 1:48 am [Reply]

Maybe I’m getting monomaniacal, but does the configuration of goo-laden dishes on Mary W’s table make any sense? Did Mary push her plate violently across the table in involuntary disgust and is now trying to cover her shame at the inediblility of her own cooking with prying chitchat? And is Vera, her attention pulled into the sickly fascinating leftovers like Jimmy Stewart toward a roof ledge, now forgetting herself and letting her inner monologue spill out like the vomit she’s been desperately supressing all supper?

Why do the comics always seem to veer toward re-enactments of existentialist classics of despair and absurd nihilism? Check it out (I can’t figure out how to make the accent marks, French police — desole!) :

MW: La Nausee
FW: La Peste (though at the moment: L’Etranger)
(DT)GT: L’envers et l’endroit (though at the moment: Les Negres)
RMMD: Un Captif Amoureaux
Spiderman: Le Mythe de Sisyphe
Momma: Happy Days
FC: Les Mouches
FoFW: Reflexions sur la guillotine
Lockhorns: Huis-clos
Crankshaft: Crapp’s Last Tape
A3G: La putain respectueuse
BC: Morts sans sepulture

What did I miss?
Dactyl
April 19th, 2007 at 1:50 am [Reply]

My haiku about Mike and Deanna moving into his parents lives –
Creepy Creepy ick
Creepy Creepy Creepy ick
Creepy ick ick ick.

Seriously, they aren’t even going to change the bed or the bedsheets? Profoundly Disturbing.
Mr. Oâ€™Malley
April 19th, 2007 at 1:59 am [Reply]

267. Pibgorn isn’t on comics.com any more. You can see the end of it here.

It says “Creator Brooke McEldowney has decided to discontinue his “Pibgorn” comic strip effective April 18th.” Just as Pibgorn apparently was about to get beheaded.

That could possibly be interpreted that McEldowney is shopping around for a better deal than he got from United Media.

I didn’t see anything on The Daily Cartoonist about it yet.
SecretMargo
April 19th, 2007 at 2:13 am [Reply]

283: Oh krap, a typo: it should be Krapp’s Last Tape for Krancshaft
Mr. Oâ€™Malley
April 19th, 2007 at 2:26 am [Reply]

Slylock Fox:

Bestiality (goat and pig)
Betelgeuse (in constellation Orion)
Bristlecone pine (on horizon)
Black mamba
Bridgestone tire
Broken-down house
BCS tractor
Bad dental work on horse
Boyd tartan on horseblanket
Border terrier
Bunch grass
Bewitched soul (in window)
Dub Not Dubya
April 19th, 2007 at 2:57 am [Reply]

#58, Galactic Emperor Chennux:

CHENNUX WANTS TO KNOW WHATâ€™S WITH THE DEATHWISH FROM YESTERTHREAD? YOU TAUNT CHENNUX INTO A MAGMACANNON BLAST? HAHA? CHENNUX DOESNâ€™T GET IT! THIS IS LIKE THE EARTHER WARNER BROS. CARTOON WHERE THE MICE TRY TO COMMIT SUICIDE BY DEMANDING THAT THE CAT EAT THEM! AND WHAT ABOUT PEGGY? CHENNUX MUST PONDER THISâ€¦

Chennux doesn’t understand Red Greenback’s hostility toward himself!
ElSanto
April 19th, 2007 at 4:30 am [Reply]

This is how I hoped Judge Parker would turn out:

http://img149.imageshack.us/img149/8730/jpkm0.jpg
Frank Parsnip
April 19th, 2007 at 5:07 am [Reply]

The Luger indicates that the retro-punks have come across “Der Kapitan” from the animated Sealab 2021 program. They’re going to have hell to pay.
Pinback65
April 19th, 2007 at 5:18 am [Reply]

Um, I really hate to say this, but today’s Mallard Fillmore is actually kind of funny.
The Avocado Avenger
April 19th, 2007 at 5:18 am [Reply]

#285 – According to Wikipedia, the strip will continue on another website, it just hasn’t been announced WHICH website yet. comics.com doesn’t say anything about it, though. Heck of a cliffhanger.

Mark Trail finally entertained me today. Nothing better than knocking the fake hair off a white collar criminal.
taotu
April 19th, 2007 at 6:02 am [Reply]

Sam smoothed Margo’s ‘feathers’, huh? Am I the only one reading into that word balloon? Nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more.
Vince M.
April 19th, 2007 at 6:14 am [Reply]

BC: They said the Hart family would be continuing the strip – does said family include preschoolers?

9CWL: Not funny, Brooke! Coulrophobia is real, dammit!
willethompson
April 19th, 2007 at 6:36 am [Reply]

What IS it with all the ambidextrous gun toters? First, the Queen of Hearts is tossing her semi-automatic from one tiny-fingered paw to the other like a hot talking potato, and now the presumed Luger-handler swaps trigger hands in mid-confrontation in Judge Parker. I’m no geologist, but it seems to me that if you’re in the middle of a draw-down, the last thing you want ot be practicing is your sleight-of-hand.
Nina
April 19th, 2007 at 6:40 am [Reply]

What is check kiting? anyone, anyone
Red Greenback
April 19th, 2007 at 6:59 am [Reply]

Archie: =Full Body Bobble Alert!=
Magnolia
April 19th, 2007 at 7:06 am [Reply]

Okay, I thought today’s (April 19) FOOB was cute and funny.

Feel free to mock me.
Tracer Bullet
April 19th, 2007 at 7:13 am [Reply]

(DT)GT: Alright, now, look. I recognize that, in general, white people are far more ignorant about black culture than vice versa (largely because black people don’t have a good way to showcase our foibles such as, say, television. And movies.). And I recognize that Gil Thorpe is set in some alien dimension where faces mutate uncontrollably and bashing yourself upside the head with a stick is a viable strategy to get back your starting job on the high school basketball team. And I recognize that these kids are teenagers and thus, by definition, dumb as a bag of hammers. But how in the hell can anyone in the United States over the age of 10, let alone a baseball player, not have heard of the Negro Leagues?
True Fable
April 19th, 2007 at 7:16 am [Reply]

#296 Nina: check kiting is deliberately writing a hot check, i.e. insufficient funds to the max.
True Fable
April 19th, 2007 at 7:19 am [Reply]

Not that I write hot checks enough to know, willethompson. My check’s for the MargoBoxcarSaturn shirt is good, I promise!

You can tell this way: if you bite on my check and it doesn’t squeak, it’s good.
andreavis
April 19th, 2007 at 7:23 am [Reply]

#283 SecretMargo: Vera, being distracted by her inner monologue, has failed to notice the inedibility of Mary’s cooking. Mary serves faux food, for appearances’ sake; she herself feeds on the suffering of others. To her, Vera is prime rib and French silk pie– rich and delicious, to be savored at length. mmmm, pie!

#296 Nina: check kiting = writing checks for money you don’t have in the bank, like what Darryl is doing in Baby Blues. I think everyone’s done it to some extent, mailing checks before payday, but some have perfected it to a criminal form. Hope Zoe, Hammie and Wren enjoy foster care!
willethompson
April 19th, 2007 at 7:26 am [Reply]

#296 and #300 re: kiting -I’m no geologist, but check kiting is writing and depositing a check from one bank in another and depending on float (the time between deposit and actual arrival, or reconciliation, of the funds) to allow you to do the same thing with another bank. Your money appears in several places at once.

More information on vealing your waitress can be found tipping the internet tubes.
Tukla in Iowa
April 19th, 2007 at 7:29 am [Reply]

A3G: Margo is too darned happy. When will Eric crush her dreams so we can watch the carnage?
True Fable
April 19th, 2007 at 7:30 am [Reply]

MT The Awesome Power of the Right Hook O’ Justice! Dan throws a fist and misses; Mark not only hits his target, he KNOCKS THE HAIR RIGHT OFF HIM! Neat trick, huh?

MW Vera, you fucking idiot! You brought it up, it’s now admissable in Mary’s kangaroo court; she will MEDDLE YOU until you ‘fess up your problems. Fool! FOOL!

JP Of course it’s Our Man Cedric. I’d know that forest of Hand Hair anywhere.

RMMD Ah yes, Rex, you stalwart, noble, straight shooting hon-of-a-bitch! Jut out your chin and slick down your hair and tell June you won’t keep Hugh from the meeting! You don’t have to admit that people are starting to talk about you and your “We just got lost” line, and it’s too soon to use it again. Best to lay low. Ha! Oh, I kill me.

June – you would ask your ~~bitch~~ husband to LIE? Oh, right, I suppose you WOULDN’T want to tell him “cleaning the garage” doesn’t mean actually cleaning the garage. But that’s a euphamism, June – no, euphamism, not youthamism, it has nothing to do with hot youths in tight tee shirts. You little vixen.
Yeah, see you at seven. shh!
willethompson
April 19th, 2007 at 7:34 am [Reply]

Ok, back to the comics…

RMMD: June, June. June. Why confuse Rex with â€˜factsâ€™ or â€˜background?â€™ Youâ€™ll just get his righteous little panties in a wad! Take a lesson from Dr. Troy â€“ Rex is easier to handle if you LIE to him! Instead of telling him he has to â€˜stallâ€™ a meeting, suggest to him that he treats our new British friend to a piece of pie! Thatâ€™s just good olâ€™ fashioned hospitality, isnâ€™t it? I can picture the drive into town like thisâ€¦

HUGH: Entmannâ€™s Bakery? Why are we stopping here?

REX: For some pie.

HUGH: I have to get to Avery International!

REX: They have great pie. Letâ€™s have some!

HUGH: Will you kindly drive on? Thereâ€™s a very important meeting I need to attend!

REX: The apple is the best. Apple is an American pie. Do they have apples in where ever it is youâ€™re from, man who talk funny?

HUGH: You square-jawed wanker! Drive on, I say!

REX (pulling Hugh from the car): Pie. Delicious pie. See? I have a coupon! For pie!

HUGH (slugging Rex): Let go of me, vacuous twit! (dashes into car) Oh, bloody hell, where the sodding steering wheel? Way over there?? Oh, bugger all!

Hugh tries to navigate the backwards controls and crashes as he tries to make a left on red. This delays him for several hours. Rex gets pie. Heather gets the chairmanship. Pete, the ever-prepared chauffeur, is already wearing the condom for the post-election celebration with Heather. With Pete and Heather finally out of the house, June gets her garage cleaned. And except for Nikkiâ€™s growing case of TMJ, everyone wins!

JP: I donâ€™t care how sure a shot Cedric is, you donâ€™t switch trigger hands in the middle of a confrontation, no matter how French the perp.

And Abbeyâ€™s â€œDonâ€™t make a sound.â€ Iâ€™m no audiologist, but didnâ€™t she just make a sound? In ALL CAPS ITALICS? Canâ€™t Neddy hear whatâ€™s going on as well, or has she gone hysterically deaf?

Let’s suppose that you and a companion are hiding in a closet and there’s a crazed killer on the other side of the door – you can seen him through a small hole. And thru a series of circumstances, your companion is exhibiting signs of deafness. Please choose a course of action:

A) Put your finger to your lips in the universally-recognized symbol for silence…

B) Shout “DON’T MAKE A SOUND! THERE’S SOMEONE OUT THERE WITH A GUN!” at them…

C) Inflate the bagpipes that are on the back shelf and play a chorus or two of “The Campbells Are Coming!”

MT: Diver Dan has been hiding for weeks and he canâ€™t grow a beard? Or color his hair? And one Right Cross oâ€™ Justice dislodges the whole works? What is Dan using to attach his disguise? EYEHOOKS?? Hey, Dan, There are OTHER methods for attaching things! Sheesh!
Allie Cat
April 19th, 2007 at 7:34 am [Reply]

Luann – Come on Brad! Toni is BEGGING FOR IT! Make her feel like a new woman! Also, in case no one mentioned it – “no” really means “yes”.

Go for it!!!
True Fable
April 19th, 2007 at 7:35 am [Reply]

#303 I didn’t realize that, thanks wille! I barely have enough money as it is, let alone have two bank accounts at the same time. And, I skim Wiki waaay too fast. :)

Had to use most of my time snarkin’.
Tweeks_Coffee
April 19th, 2007 at 7:39 am [Reply]

BC: You know it’s bad when you have to add laughter to the strip so people know you made a joke.

C-shaft: This is leading somewhere really good. A granny is about to shimmy up a tree while wearing combat boots and toting a chainsaw. Though this being Crankshaft, we’ll just get a close-up of him describing the scene.

(DT)GT: Yeah, meal Gibson’s close enough. After all, he’s a model of tolerance.

Luann: Oh man, Brad is about to get laid…

MT: Even Dan’s shirt solved the case quicker than Mark did. That’s a great second panel though, wig and beard both dislodged with one good right hook.

Pluggers: Finally, solid proof that I am not, in fact, a Plugger. I watch all kinds of movies and I haven’t seen a black and white western in over a decade.

SFx: What exactly is that goat doing to that pig? Or did, rather.

Zits: Is there any reason why Jeremy’s taking off his shirt? Did the revelation that there are cameras everywhere bring out his voyeuristic side?
Katherine
April 19th, 2007 at 7:43 am [Reply]

289, that’s what I was hoping for too.
Dingo, 268 made me spit coffee out, but 262 filled me with an insatiable curiosity worthy of Mary Worth. Bic? Gillette? What could it be? WHAT?

And in Mark Trail Dan says “This is embarrasing Mark, us being friends for so long.” I don’t know, I think it might be kind of cool being friends with a guy who has talking follicles and the ability to travel on the back of a goose. But some people are so judgemental.
calico
April 19th, 2007 at 7:44 am [Reply]

#265 – I nominate this for COTW.
They are almost putting Mikey and Lizardhead to shame with their Me-Fest held under the pretense of dining together.

FOOB is just getting ickier and more Freudian by the day. Mikey using Mommy’s shaved sheets, sleeping in the same bed, and generally regressing back into childhood and right back into the womb (Lynn’s brain) just has intensified the puke factor exponentially.
I’ve never seen an umbilical cord that was so retractable. Hope it stretches down the street to the other house.
True Fable
April 19th, 2007 at 7:47 am [Reply]

SFox WHAT THE HELL? Hey, kids read the funnies, man; don’t put a goat doing the doggie on a pig in the comic strip! Just because some of the animals have their eyes closed, doesn’t mean others aren’t seeing it! I mean, look at the goose and the skunk and the cat and the snake, damn! They have great big Foob eyes looking right at that scene of illicit love between caprine and porcine!

Holy shit, and I thought Dennis calling Joey handsome was pushing it. I had no idea.
Paul Paron
April 19th, 2007 at 7:48 am [Reply]

So….when do we meet Clambake’s trampy sister, Clam-Strip? Or his brother from a mixed marriage, Clamato?
True Fable
April 19th, 2007 at 7:52 am [Reply]

Then again, I guess goats don’t do doggie style, they do it, er, goaty style. Well, it doesn’t matter – if I want to see animals mate in the funny pages, I’ll read Sunday editions of Mark Trail. With Theodore and Castora. Or Kelly and, well, anyone.
True Fable
April 19th, 2007 at 7:54 am [Reply]

Oh, and the Boar is the Billy goat’s Bitch, and that starts with a B so I get another point!
Oâ€™Fogeyette
April 19th, 2007 at 8:01 am [Reply]

Email from Brooke McEldowney:

With United Media’s announcement that “Pibgorn” is to be discontinued, I have been inundated with e-mail, much of it agitated and distressed. I’m very sorry you had to get the news in this rather dispassionate way. That I may answer your central question forthwith, I’ve composed this response for everyone â€“ so please forgive me if I seem impersonal.

“PIBGORN” WILL CONTINUE.

There. That is the main thing I wanted to say. Comics.com, however, will, as they have announced, no longer be the source. Nothing dramatic happened, really. I simply came to feel that the editorial needs of comcs.com and those of “Pibgorn” were becoming more and more divergent and incompatible. For this reason I asked to be released from my contract with United Media in order to secure a new online home for “Pibgorn.” United Media most graciously, and reluctantly, agreed. In short order I hope to get Pib back up and flying.

Meanwhile, you have seen the most current installments of “Pibgorn.” Hold that thought. We’ll be back.
Artist formerly known as Ben
April 19th, 2007 at 8:16 am [Reply]

4/19

S4th: Look on the bright side. Wasn’t Carrie the one who didn’t show her titties on camera?

Kudzu: Is Ida Mae supposed to be the personification of “those crazy liberals and their pc ways”? And why do I know her name? Where does a body go to get that information scrubbed out.

FC: And he accidentally crank-called your escort service. Whoops!

BC: What’s the “ha ha ha ha” about. Curls is supposed to be the dry one. Sign of the end times?

Luann: Obviously the firelady wants to meet the fireman’s little fireman. For some reason.

Ghost who…: “You mean if I dicked around for another couple of hours he would have done himself in? Thanks a lot for telling me now.”

JP: Those definitely look like Cedric glasses. Don’t screw with a butler from Missisauga, people.

Garfield: Wonder if Garf got his big bowl of dip from the same store Luann did…

TDIET: Call me crazy, but I see a sandwich divided into two even halves. Seems to kind of undercut the complaint. I’d worry more about the bottle of ketchup spontaneously exploding.

SFx: Like the goose standing two feet away from them, I’m alarmed by the pig and goat sleeping in postcoital bliss. This must be where Pluggers come from.
Spoony Bard
April 19th, 2007 at 8:20 am [Reply]

My logical conscious brain knows that Dan was wearing a fake beard, but my creative brain likes to think otherwise. I want to believe that the evil that consumed Dan’s soul caused him to sprout a beard in a matter of hours to better reflect the all consuming blackness within, and Mark’s trademark right-hook landed with such righteous power that it purged the beard (and corresponding new brown hair) from Dan’s head. It explains the sudden remorse in panel 3. Don’t fear Mark, Dan; this beating is rehabilitative.
calico
April 19th, 2007 at 8:21 am [Reply]

3G 4/18 – Sam is so freakin’ excited by every word that Margo spews that his polo shirt has unbuttoned itself at the top, in panel two.
Man, that Margo makes it all happen, doesn’t she?

SlyFox 4/29 – this reminds me of the early South Park ep “An elephant makes love to a pig.”

DtM – The Big D continues to hone his psychological menacing skills, as he’s bored with breaking lamps and windows, unlike Jeffy Circus, who will gladly smash anything you put in front of him.
man behind the curtain
April 19th, 2007 at 8:22 am [Reply]

LuANN — The only thing denser than Brad’s belly is the area between his ears. Look Toni, just start ripping off your clothes because he sure can’t take a hint. Next week a new story line so those two can get some privacy.

A3G — Third panel. the look on Sam’s face — the look of someone who finally realizes that his boss is insane.

MW — Mary’s already chatting over coffee while Vera is still numbly starting at the glop that remains on her plate. “I can’t believe I actually ate some of that crap. Where’s the Pepto-Bismol?”
gh
April 19th, 2007 at 8:22 am [Reply]

There’s a certain contentment, I’ve found, in reading the funnies in the morning paper, and seeing goat on pig sex in SlyFox, and knowing with complete certitude that is will be mentioned at least three times before I get into work.

On the other hand, Clambake pulls a Molly? That’s it? Two days of rollicking fun and we’re back to clipboards and random names? Say it ain’t so, Gil!
Oâ€™Fogeyette
April 19th, 2007 at 8:26 am [Reply]

DTGT: The aliens are so clueless that I feel almost sorry for them. They cannot keep their shapes and faces consistent from one panel to the next. Unless those are supposed to be different characters. I can’t really tell. Nor can I understand what they are talking about, except for “the Negro Leagues.” I’m assuming that has to do with the alien called “Clambake,” who is evidently telepathic since we never saw him say anything about having played in the Negro Leagues.

Crankshaft:Rolly Church of Rubber Alligators! Batiuk has an old lady about to climb a tree with a chainsaw strapped to her waist. That has got to be the weirdest single thing I have ever seen in a comic strip.

JP: Cedric keeps getting cooler and cooler. “I never get nervous when I shoot someone.” I like how he was able to make his glasses magically reappear, too. I think he really IS Superman.

MT: HAHA! It’s the right hook of depillation! And Dan’s pocket talks!

And now for some coffee….
Ed Minchau
April 19th, 2007 at 8:26 am [Reply]

#309… no, Brad is not about to get laid. The Luann storyline will continue along the same lines for another week or so, and Brad will start to think that he’s gonna get him some sweet, sweet Tonilovin’… but sometime around April 30th or so, he’s going to find out instead that he has acquired a new roommate. Dirk.
Dennis Jimenez
April 19th, 2007 at 8:28 am [Reply]

MT – Hey, Elrod – I can see why you bolded it, because this strip really is EMBARASSING.

MW – Blue bird – WTF’s with this window?

RMMD – Rex sings the Meat Loaf – anal sex song – I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that.
True Fable
April 19th, 2007 at 8:39 am [Reply]

#318 SPOONY BARD???

Ahhh, yeehaw, I haven’t seen that nom de plume in a long time and now I can’t even remember which video game it’s from; all I can remember is the phrase, “you spoony bard!” and laughing my ass off at the sight. Man, I wish I’d thought of that name.

Yeah, this has nothing to do with comics, sorry Josh, but when you see a Spoony Bard, you just have to give respect knuckles.
Foobar
April 19th, 2007 at 8:40 am [Reply]

235- “mammalian protuberances”?

283- Mark Trail: Les Quatre Cent Coups (Ha ha ha ha ha)
calico
April 19th, 2007 at 8:45 am [Reply]

#309, no, no, it’s one good right eye hook! ; )

Go, Fist of Justiceâ„¢, go!
calico
April 19th, 2007 at 8:51 am [Reply]

#306 Wille – “Oh, shit, someone’s stolen the steering wheel!”
(Thanks to Jennifer Saunders for that one)

Rexie is almost as P-whipped as John Patterfoob.
June really seems to be commanding everything in this strip, thanks in part to her magical star-studded, pixie-dust tits.
gh
April 19th, 2007 at 9:00 am [Reply]

Todayâ€™s (DT)GT ~~at first not but then at last~~ explained:

I’m not sure why Gil wants three people at third base: Rick Bozich at third . . . with Ted Pearse, Jimmy Hughes. Maybe because itâ€™s third base? Nor do I understand why he wants John wisely around the horn. Why is that such a smart move? Where, exactly, is the horn? Does he need to hang around it because it might get stolen? Couldnâ€™t they just put it in the dugout where they could keep an eye on it? Maybe they mean â€œhornâ€ like â€œtelephone.â€ Get on the horn and get me the police. That kind of horn. OK. Now it makes sense. Gil is afraid that a raging Mel Gibson will charge onto the field and he wants to be ready, just in case. Thatâ€™s a relief. For a minute there, I didnâ€™t think it was going to make any kind of sense. And I guess he wants three people at third base so if he has to thin the herd any more, theyâ€™ll be all bunched up.
Teem
April 19th, 2007 at 9:02 am [Reply]

re: 317
I’m not sure Cedric is from Mississaugua. My guess is Moose Jaw. Cedric the Butler from Moose Jaw works for me. They grow butlers mean there.

As a former lurker, who may go back into the shadows, I’ve got to get this off my chest.

At one time I cared not a whit about a meddling old bitty named Mary.

The spectacular and perky breasts of comic strip characters held no appeal to me.

I was not embarassed to share my Canadian nationality with Lynn Johnston and all the FOOBers. I was not proud of Cedric the Canadian butler.

I was unawared of Mark Trail’s flying fists of fury.

Now I am obsessed and it’s all your fault Josh.

Now I am going to back to skulking in the shadows.
Klipper
April 19th, 2007 at 9:06 am [Reply]

haHa! I know I’m not the first but I’ve been waiting weeks for the patented Right Hook of Justice!
Weasel Boy
April 19th, 2007 at 9:07 am [Reply]

I’m waiting for the FBoFW strip in which Liz or April sits mom and dad down and demands the cash equivalent of the discounted amount of the house and the value of its furnishings.
Ned Ryerson
April 19th, 2007 at 9:08 am [Reply]

TDIET: E. Loper of Cleveland, Ohio, are you out there? Did you submit today’s (4/19) bit of insanity to Scaduto’s Howcum? Dep’t? This is probably the stupidest TDIET yet. Are you freakin’ kidding me?

Oh, there’s a tiny strand of crust that didn’t get severed when my sandwich was cut in half! Goddamn this cruel world! Quick, somebody find me a sumo wrestler or some otherwise inordinantly strong person to pull apart the halves of my sandwich! What? All right, dammit, I’ll do it myself. URRRRGH! Saturn! Boxcar! Margo!, this damn thing won’t come apart! I can’t eat my sandwich. I’m going to starve and die. Why does this always happen to meeeeeeee!?
Tweeks_Coffee
April 19th, 2007 at 9:14 am [Reply]

Re: #333 “This is probably the stupidest TDIET yet. Are you freakinâ€™ kidding me?”

Our best hope is that it was submitted by a fellow curmudgeoner to pull one over on Scaduto.

#309 – of course I meant Mel Gibson…
Dean Booth
April 19th, 2007 at 9:16 am [Reply]

JP: Were Neddy and Abbey ever really in danger?
Ken
April 19th, 2007 at 9:17 am [Reply]

FW – “He was murdered after the show by a crazy fan…a crazy fan named CANCER!”
Dean Booth
April 19th, 2007 at 9:17 am [Reply]

#236. Ben, you know who would love that line? Me!
Ken
April 19th, 2007 at 9:22 am [Reply]

Wait, let me try again – “When a crazy guest shot him as he left the set…a crazy guest named CANCER!!”
True Fable
April 19th, 2007 at 9:23 am [Reply]

Brad’s not getting laid. Kids in comic strips don’t get laid. It’s just, I dunno, the way it is. Come on, they have to get married first a la Mike and Dee (but then they are tools so eh!) Okay, like Liz and Eric. Yeah, I know they lived together but as St. Lynn said, Liz went HORSEBACK RIDING. Yep, that’s the Cowgirl position all right, but Lynn says she’s a virgin. Sorta.

Only in Funky Winkerbean do kids get laid but it’s only so they can have depressing storylines both now and in the future; it’s to Teach Kids A Lesson. If you have sex, you will grow up to have cancer or only one arm or get sent to Iraq or worse still, run a comic book store in a town full of tragically smirking losers. Okay, let’s kick FW out of the equation because they are the exception rather than the rule.

And we can’t count Randy “Mr. Playboy” Parker because (a) he’s an adult now, and (b) he’s “not the marrying kind”, not that he’s asking. Of course, we still don’t have an answer to the perpetual burning question, is he gay or is he Kevin Spacey gay? but we’ll put Randy outside the equation too.

And no, Mary Worth doesn’t have sex either but she’s an ancient fucking prude so meh.

Neddy Spencer wants to but is too busy spending months at a time in a single 48-hour period; she might have laid twenty guys by now but how can she tell?

April Patterson is too pure to be pink, to quote Rizzo from Grease. She’s not going roadside; she’s not even going stepping-stone-out-to-the-garden. How do I know? — because the only thing who has a chance with a Patterson is Mark Trail’s Talking Potato, that’s how. The nose knows.

Luann is not about to give Brad the perpetual loser a chance at doing the horizontal mambo with Toni Daytona because that would (a) burn too many wholesome readerships for the strip, (b) give the editorial staff a heart attack (c) not make Brad such a loser anymore, and since the strip is named Luann there has to be SOMEONE who is a bigger loser than Luann, and (d) it would be called Brad’s Gettin’ Some, if there is any justice on earth.

But one can hope. I mean, if Jon Arbuckle can get a girlfriend, ANYONE could. [/rant]
britbike
April 19th, 2007 at 9:46 am [Reply]

re: FOOB – Just how much money IS John planning on getting out of Mike for the house? The small house is on big property–it costs around the same as the big house-with-vac. So, how does John also expect to pay for ALL new stuff, including TVs and furniture and every thing else in a house? They’re semi-retired, for pete’s sake. How much do semi-retired dentists and bookstore owners have in their retirement funds anyway? Have you ever added up the cost of “everything?” We’re not talking small change here, in Canada or anywhere else.
I’m all for new stuff, but this really pissed me off.
True Fable
April 19th, 2007 at 9:54 am [Reply]

#340 britbike: Bear in mind that Lynn Johnston believes that unproven first time novelists like Mike Patterson can write a book that is SO stunning and hasn’t gone through any re-writes before submission, that is it accepted, praised and he is immediately given a check for $25,000, for a story written in the kind of style presented in Mike’s letters on the FOOBsite.

She’s pulling in so much money from selling Foob books, strips, posters, wall calendars, family planners and gold-trimmed bullshit, she’s lost all touch with the reality of how real people live and budget.

Welcome to the “Lynn Johnston and FOOB pisses me off” club. We figure that just reading the strip pays our dues.
Paperback Rifler
April 19th, 2007 at 9:54 am [Reply]

Pluggers (4-19): That “Look out behind you” takes on a different meaning if you imagine that the western he’s watching is Brokeback Mountain.
Ellie M.
April 19th, 2007 at 9:55 am [Reply]

Firsties!
Ellie M.
April 19th, 2007 at 9:56 am [Reply]

DANGNABBIT!!!!
bats
April 19th, 2007 at 10:01 am [Reply]

FOOB: Great…leave all the old crap for Dee. This should lead to a juicy Elly has a shit-fit and falls in it when Dee even CONTEMPLATES something….anything…OF HER OWN!!!

After she deep-sixes the kids, I think Dee needs to take care of her MIL…hey, she’s a pharmacist…she screwed up her own birth control…pharmacists make mistakes…
Dennis Jimenez
April 19th, 2007 at 10:03 am [Reply]

342 – I was thinking about some sort of Duke lacrosse riff on today’s Pluggers, or maybe Blue Devils tied to the color and B/W part, but I’m too lazy. I like Duke Lacrosse as some sort of non de plume, though.
andreavis
April 19th, 2007 at 10:05 am [Reply]

TDIET: You probably can’t call this the lamest TDIET ever–I’m pretty sure that depth has yet to be plumbed–but it is inaccurate. The connected bread bit that effs up the second half of the sandwich is usually what you get at home, cutting the thing with your inadequate butter-knife on the kitchen counter. Or, more accurately, what your wife Migrania does at home.

A big honkin’ 40″ chef’s knife isn’t going to leave a bread connector. Migrania could slice Barfo clean through with it, too.

Now, takeout pizzas! Howcum they’re never cut alla tha’ way through? An’ yer crusts are left ta be ripped apart! Howzzat?
Dingo
April 19th, 2007 at 10:08 am [Reply]

So… Pattersons… you have three children. If you walk out of the house leaving everything from the pots and pats to sperm-encrusted sheets to Mike and Deeana, how do you make up the equity to Liz and April? Is Ontario somehow operating under the rules of Regency-era Britain with only the eldest son inheriting the house and goods? Will Mike give his sisters each an orange for Christmas? Will Mr. Knightly shout, “Bad form, April! BAD form!” when she attempts to overtake Beckah as lead poledancer at the Strip’n'Sip? How loud will Liz scream when George confronts her as she’s closing the library? Now that Toni has retrieved her glove, will she succumb to Brad’s query to being “one for sport?” Will Mary and Vera refer to their relationship as a Boston marriage? How large is Otha Yancey’s penis and how would it fit between June Morgan’s breasts?

These questions will be answered in tomorrow’s Family Circus.
rich
April 19th, 2007 at 10:19 am [Reply]

S4th: That’s a pretty dated reference — I know that’s kinda the point, but still, Sex and the City ended over 3 years ago. Hilary would be more likely to think the shirt was referring to the Stephen King novel.

JP: Does Super-Cedric even know that Ned and Abbey are in that building? Or is he being exposed as a psychotic Charles Bronson-type vigilante cleaning the scum off the streets of Paris?

MT: I was a bit disappointed to see Dan’s fake beard fly off like that. I was hoping it was a real beard, and that all the time he was hanging out at Chez Trail he was covering it up with a latex “bald” chin wig.
Biiirdmaaan!
April 19th, 2007 at 10:21 am [Reply]

Mark Trail fact # 185: Mark Trail does shave, he punches his facial hair off his face.
Biiirdmaaan!
April 19th, 2007 at 10:22 am [Reply]

Of course, what I meant to say was:

Mark Trail fact # 185: Mark Trail does not shave, he punches his facial hair off his face.
Never teh Bride
April 19th, 2007 at 10:25 am [Reply]

I despise Deanna’s young mom haircut. Sure, it’s easy to maintain when she’s bringing home the bacon AND frying it up in a pan, but it makes her look like a mental facility reject.
True Fable
April 19th, 2007 at 10:28 am [Reply]

#349 Rich: I’m going on the assumption that Abbey and Neddy’s wandering through Paris was tantamount to waltzing through Roopville with a neon sign taped to their heads, that reads: “Stupid Americans here, right here!” And since it’s been a week or two since he left his French bread loaf with his wife, I figured he’d be driving around looking for them. Because Paris is about the same size as Roopville… plus several square miles and several tens of thousands of people. Or a million, it doesn’t matter to SuperCedric. He can find you. He’s perfect.
True Fable
April 19th, 2007 at 10:36 am [Reply]

#341 calico – She’s their supplier. God damn the pusher, Jimi!
True Fable
April 19th, 2007 at 10:37 am [Reply]

#354 calico – see above for your chance to point and laugh at an idiot. :)
Dean Booth
April 19th, 2007 at 10:39 am [Reply]

The Mark Trail Fist ‘o Justice Screensaver.

Now I better get some work-work done!
calico
April 19th, 2007 at 10:40 am [Reply]

FOOB – you know the sacred home transition will be complete when Elly hands over a monogrammed razor to Deanna in a silk pouch. The torch will be officially passed at that point.
Allie Cat
April 19th, 2007 at 10:41 am [Reply]

#352 – Word. I actually had Deanna’s haircut – when I was FIVE. And back then, it was called the “Dorothy Hamill” and it was, oddly enough, in style. But that was 27 years ago.
Stephanie
April 19th, 2007 at 10:41 am [Reply]

I don’t know if anyone else has been keeping up with Luann, but for those who have, who wants to start a SuckerPunch Toni club!

Seriously, on today’s strip, despite Brad’s best efforts to whisk past the bedroom while giving her the tour of his new place (which she showed up to for whatever reason), she has the gall to mention how ‘huge’ his bed is.

IMHO, Toni Daytona is a conniving, teasing little trailer trash whore who loves the attention of an honest, smitten boy, but prefers to go home to her abusive, controlling boyfriend to have rough sex.
Ned Ryerson
April 19th, 2007 at 10:41 am [Reply]

I’m Gonna Punch That Beard Right Offa Your Face

Mark:
I’m gonna punch that beard right offa your face,
I’m gonna punch that beard right offa your face,
I’m gonna punch that beard right offa your face,
And send you on your way.

I’m gonna crack your scheme and slappa you bald,

Mark and LoFo Ubiqucritters:
I’m gonna crack your scheme and slappa you bald,
I’m gonna crack your scheme and slappa you bald,
And send you on your way.

Don’t try to patch it up

Ubiqucritters:
Tear ‘im up, Nair ‘im up!

Mark:
Flush you out, punch you out,

Ubiqucritters:
Push him out, fly him out,

Mark:
Cancel him and let him go!

Ubiqucritters:
Yea, Markie!
gh
April 19th, 2007 at 10:47 am [Reply]

#357 Dean Booth

Would you stop! I thought we talked about limiting you to one per thread. You’re single-handedly responsible for cutting worker productivity in this country by at least 2%!
Dean Booth
April 19th, 2007 at 10:48 am [Reply]

gh, and my own work by 50%! I can stop anytime I want, I tells ya!
Dean Booth
April 19th, 2007 at 10:51 am [Reply]

#363, me. By which I mean give up my addiction to pictoral snark mainlining.
gh
April 19th, 2007 at 10:54 am [Reply]

#363, 364 Dean Booth

Right. The same day I give up writing bad song parodies. My name is gh and I’ve been parody-free for 1 day.
Foobar
April 19th, 2007 at 10:58 am [Reply]

Yikes, talk about a right-hook-o’-justice, Popeye is winding up for something really huge!
gkl
April 19th, 2007 at 10:58 am [Reply]

MW: Vera: Damn, girl! You just used your outside voice when you meant to use your inside voice.

That ‘explosion’ dress that Mary’s wearing isn’t a fashion statement; it’s foreshadowing. Your psyche is now her bitch.
Foobar
April 19th, 2007 at 10:59 am [Reply]

Hey everyone post your favorite “hit you so hard” joke. I’l start with my favourite:

Mark Trail gonna hit you so hard you’re gonna starve to death rolling.
Oâ€™Fogeyette
April 19th, 2007 at 11:00 am [Reply]

357 Dean Booth: Love the screensaver!

361 Ned R: Hahahaha! Good one!

Lio: I have totally capitulated. Today, I officially
â™¥ Lio.
gh
April 19th, 2007 at 11:22 am [Reply]

#369 Oâ€™Fogeyette

Based on your ringing endorsement, I just signed up to get Lio daily by e-mail, joining Mutts. I haven’t read it regularly, since it’s not on chron.com or in my paper (and — trust me — never will be). If MarkT can win you over, well, that’s impressive. More cephalopods, mule!
Kronkina
April 19th, 2007 at 11:23 am [Reply]

MW: Okay, for Christ’s sakes! We get it!!! Vera’s former man (Curses upon you, Von!) has wronged her. She is hurt, she is angry, and she is starting over from the bottom. Can we please move forward with this story? I know that’s a lot to ask for Mary Worth, but GEEZ.
Hogen Mogen
April 19th, 2007 at 11:26 am [Reply]

http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/buildcp.mpl?v=3.0;page=2;quality=high;cpp=8;c=112;c=71;c=20;c=116;c=118;c=144;c=123;c=130;c=140;date=2007/4/19

Phantom does a head bobble

TDIET: If the crust is so damn tough, how can you possibly enjoy eating it? Send back that slice of shoe leather encased between two concrete bricks and get a salad.

Spiderman: Oh well, I guess you’ll have to do with your spidey-strength and web slinging abilities alone against Kordok (aka Kordak), who lacks the resources to record in digital format. Lucky for him, JJJ had some old equipment laying around the studio that could still read VHS.

JP: One of these days, we’re all going to see that it is Cedric with that blackened out face. No one in the world will be surprised.

Funky: Crazed gunman. Good timing, Batuik. Comedy gold this week.
Hogen Mogen
April 19th, 2007 at 11:28 am [Reply]

A few threads ago, I argued that BC without Johnny Hart could not possibly be worse than with Johnny Hart. Judging by today’s inept attempt at humor, I could be wrong. For this strip a man had to die?
queek
April 19th, 2007 at 11:32 am [Reply]

319: The first episode of South Park that I saw. When I heard Chef’s response to the “event” I knew that any show willing to go there had to be worth watching. I miss Chef.

just so there’s something of a comics nature in this post, today’s PBS was funny. Poor little croc-kid.
MossMoses
April 19th, 2007 at 11:39 am [Reply]

That little blue bird of nosiness on the branch is listening intently as the uber meddler does her thing. That crowbar shaped question mark balloon is the meddling wedge Mary will pry into Vera’s personal life. The gutspew cometh soon!

Diver Dan couldn’t even grow a beard and die his hair? John Edwards gets $800 haircuts. What did Diver Dan do with his $2,000,000 paycheck? One thing for certain is that throwing a punch at Mark Trail is a big mistake. How did Mark deck himand send his lame disguises flying with such a limp looking girly wrist? Maybe that’s the post punch repose but it doesn’t look very manly…

Elly does come off a bit materialistic and scooberficial, dosen’t she? “Sell our cherished Foob Manion? Never”! How about for some new scooby snack bedsheets, Elly? “Rallright”!
Hogen Mogen
April 19th, 2007 at 11:39 am [Reply]

A3G: Margo can carry on entire conversations over her shoulder without ever directly facing the person she’s talking to. So, we could have a pleasant chat even if I was doing her doggy style. Just an interesting non-resume skill to note.
gh
April 19th, 2007 at 11:54 am [Reply]

MW’s bluebird: I just flew in from LoFo and boy are my wings tired!

Veal! Weak!
Artist formerly known as Ben
April 19th, 2007 at 11:54 am [Reply]

#368,
Mark Trail gonna hit you so hard, you get a bruise.

Uh, looks like I better do some warmup exercises.
Mumbles
April 19th, 2007 at 11:55 am [Reply]

I predict that we won’t be seeing Clambake around these here parts now that he’s inspired the Gil Thorp readership to seach “Mr. Rickey” on wikipedia. And to get your own Curmudgeon gear after only three or so strips interspersed among a few weeks? Must be some sort of record. Well played, Mr. Bake.
True Fable
April 19th, 2007 at 11:55 am [Reply]

#376 Hogen Mogen, I heard Margo has teeth done there, too. Just ask Dickless Tracy.

#368 Foobar: Mark Trail gonna hit you so hard, it’ll make your Gramma cry.

#357 Dean Booth: Where’s the Dancing Gary Dent one? Or is it under another name?
Sunny Mel Blatherscythe
April 19th, 2007 at 11:57 am [Reply]

Judge Parker- Just noticed that Cedric isn’t wearing the standard issue Butler gloves, DISGRACEFUL!! Just how might I ask is his employer and guests supposed to enjoy singapore slings at the regatta knowing that their drink glasses are poisoned with common person germs!?!?!? HE IS A BAD Butler indeed!!
MossMoses
April 19th, 2007 at 11:57 am [Reply]

376. Hogenmogen, were you to actually carry on that pleasant chat while doing her doggy style, Margo might expect a marriage proposal to be part of that chat… You know, a gleam on her finger to match the gleam in your eye.
Overlarge Talking LoFo Beaver
April 19th, 2007 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

In honor of today’s TDIET:

(DT)GT(e): Howcum Jimmy looks so particularly femmy?

FOOB: Howcum Patterfamilias can afford all NEW things, even those kept on shelves?

MT: Howcum Diver Dan’s pocket is answering his question, why didn’t it give him a heads up? Disloyal raiment!

MW: Howcum the window is talking, to itself yet!?

RM(G)MD: Howcum no luscious, luscious June tit?
Foobar
April 19th, 2007 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

373- Haha, yeah, really. At what price B.C.?
gh
April 19th, 2007 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

DT — In our hour of need we turn, perhaps unfairly, to Poteet — QoD says: Now itâ€™s your turn with the river! ?!? Are they fighting on the docks? Are they playing Texas Hold â€˜Em? Sheâ€™s going to kick him so hard heâ€™ll circle the earth twice and land in the State Pen? Any assistance you can provide is greatly appreciated.

Your obt svt,

gh
calico
April 19th, 2007 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

MT contest – how about, “I hit Dan so hard an Ubiquiduck came out his ass.”

Gross, eh? : D
OverCat
April 19th, 2007 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

DtM: Hmmm, how about that sly look ol’ Mrs. M is giving hubby? Looks like some role-playing that he “kinda likes” where she “isn’t herself” has taken place in the Menace bedroom.

The banana in the background, and the clam-like pink roses on the table, complete the subliminal message.

(Or do I just have a dirty mind?)

Oh, and crossover alert – not only do we have a repeat of Brad’s banana, but the food on their plates is way to similar to that of Mary Worth’s. Now, if only we could see the thought-balloons of Mr. and Mrs. Menace…
Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
April 19th, 2007 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

379: Let us not forget that “Brick” House spoke his immortal words very early in his appearance in the foobaw saga of a while ago, saying “in the absence of weights, I am employing isometrics.” In fact, it might have been his Gilthorp debut.
Trotzenbonnie
April 19th, 2007 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail gonna hit you so hard your face and your beard are gonna wind up in different time zones.
Proteus
April 19th, 2007 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

A topic for consideration. You are watching two women at the dinner table. One is saying ” I’m not going to depend on a man or anyone else! …Not ever again!” She has one hand in her crotch, and is looking downward with an expression of mingled concentration and arousal. The other, older woman at the table is also looking at whatever it is that the first womanis doing with her hand. She is clearly both shocked and fascinated.

Welcome to “Mary Worth: Under the Table”
gh
April 19th, 2007 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

Mark hit Dan so hard, words started to come out of his mouth.
Moon Mullins
April 19th, 2007 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail’s gonna hit so hard it will …

drop him like 3rd Period French

or,
drop him like a bad transmission

or,
plant him in the Pumpkin Patch.
Rarely-posts
April 19th, 2007 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

How about, “Mark Trail hits you so hard the Elrod button flies off the freakin’ page!”
Gabe
April 19th, 2007 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

Overcat: Their last name is Mitchell, IYDN.
S
April 19th, 2007 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

How could you have missed mary Worth today!!! The puzzle is solved!! Vera is mary’s long lost love child! The similarities in their appearance are uncanny — same head tilt, same eyes, same annoying thought bubbles…
man behind the curtain
April 19th, 2007 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

FBOW — So Michael will be able to spend his nights in the same bed in which many years ago he was created. Therapy begins in 3..2..1
Rarely-posts
April 19th, 2007 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail hits you so hard you could pass for a Gil Thorp player!
Scuppers
April 19th, 2007 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

339–True Fable. I need to tell you something. A very long time ago my mother told me that there was no way a girl’s hymen could be broken accidentally … with one exception … and that was … horseback riding. She did not tell me how riding could result in such a catastrophe. I do know I quit my lessons shortly after that, just to be on the safe side. I thought when I first saw her comment, and I think now, that Lynn must have been told some similar nonsense a few thousand years ago, and from that misinformation derived an excuse for Liz and her possibly unintact state.
Chupper
April 19th, 2007 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail’ll hit you so hard, your potato won’t be able to talk to a week!
Colleen
April 19th, 2007 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

How could June be so insensitive, and expect Rex to take up with another man so soon–after all, it was just six days ago that he had his heart broken by Troy Gainer.
Colleen
April 19th, 2007 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

Also, there apparently is a porn star who goes by the name of Rex Morgan: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rex_Morgan_%28porn_star%29

Not that I’m surprised or anything.
gh
April 19th, 2007 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

Mark hit Dan so hard, even Molly understood the hostility.
John C Fremont
April 19th, 2007 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

MT – I couldn’t figure out why I had the Beatles “We Can Work It Out” stuck in my head until I just reread Mark Trail.

MW – So Mary lines her windows with tinfoil now?

Ghost Who Walks – ( !? )

RMMD – Boy, Rex is a prick today. I appreciated the Meatloaf reference, Trotz.

JP – Cedric the Butler, P.I. (A Quinn Martin Production).
Gabe
April 19th, 2007 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail will hit you so hard, even your potatos will shut up.

The hymen thing: Yes, you can bust it through falling hard on something like horseback riding or a balance beam. So I’m told.
Gabe
April 19th, 2007 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

Chupper: Dammit, beat me to it!

(still want my shirt)
gh
April 19th, 2007 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

#404 Gabe

I’m no gynecologist, but I’ve heard that, like gymnasts, cheerleaders sometimes, um, achieve the same state from doing splits. Of course, I heard that from a cheerleader dating the quarterback, so . . .
Kronkina
April 19th, 2007 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail hits you so hard that your Cherry won’t be able to talk for a week.
Ned Ryerson
April 19th, 2007 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail will hit you so hard, your rugs will all jump up on the wall (or come down off the wall, depending on where you keep them).

Mark Trail will hit you so hard, every scheming lowlife and Lost Forest hothead will start to look the same.

More information about how hard Mark Trail will hit you can be found on the internet.
Kronkina
April 19th, 2007 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail hits you so hard, even Mark Trail story lines start to make sense.
Dicky
April 19th, 2007 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

RMMD: Wow, Rex is being assertive. June won’t stand for that, you know that she’ll smack him down for that next time he’s cleaning out the garage~ Maybe a few more minutes in cuffs or a little more torture.

Zits: I’m sort of fine with no anonymity, but no privacy is just sort of scary. And really, you’re still pretty anonymous on the internet even with your face and name there…
I thought that he was just taking off his jacket to get the noodles off of it.

Sally Forth: You’d think that the sister would give it as a gift… but she’s expecting Sally to pay her back. Sally should send her hogtied back to her mother, for some good old-fashioned guilt-tripping.
gh
April 19th, 2007 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail hits so hard, it dislodges beavers.
Dingo
April 19th, 2007 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

There once was a man named Mark Trail
Whose right hook could make a man sail
Diver Dan, he caught smirkin’
Behind a bad merkin
Now Sally will be his new tail
srah
April 19th, 2007 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

#55 for COTW! That’s what I thought, too.
WithoutaK
April 19th, 2007 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

Luann: Well, damn. Toni’s not even trying to be subtle anymore, is she? Of course, with a thick-head like Brad, I guess you’d have to take the direct approach.

MW: Vera, you fool! You were supposed to think that last part. Now Mary knows and nothing will save you!

(DT)GT: 5-1 odds that Jimmy’s parents are Klan members or something who refuse to speak of any accomplishments made by blacks. I mean really, can you think of any other reason for why a freakin’ BASEBALL player wouldn’t have heard of the Negro Leagues at some point in his life?

A3G: I feel SO embarrassed for Margo here. How presumptuous is she being? You realize now she’ll have to get a proposal out of Eric by any means necessary to save face, don’t you? On the plus side, if he doesn’t propose she may just reach new heights of bitch-ness afterwards. Yay!

DT: Huh?
willethompson
April 19th, 2007 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail hits so hard that he could smack the ugly right off DT’s Queen of Diamonds. He hits so hard he could punch her pretty.
C. Augusto ValdÃ©s
April 19th, 2007 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

OMFG Pointy breasts. I’m sad to inform you that during my early youth that was the closest I ever had to porn. I would cut those strips and keep them in my secret stash.
I could be either pathetic or too old
dimestore lipstick
April 19th, 2007 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

“Mark Trail Will sink you like a three-foot putt.”
“Mark Trail Will destroy you like Rita Beglerâ€™s liver.”
“Mark Trail Will flip you like a cheese omelette”
“Mark Trail Will beat you like a rented mule.”
“Mark Trail Will dump you like Von dumped Vera.”
willethompson
April 19th, 2007 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

Insurance defrauders unwary?
The Right Cross O’ Justice is scary!
So you’d better know,
that with one mighty blow,
It dislodges both beaver and Cherry!
andreavis
April 19th, 2007 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail hits you so hard, your beard will get a new zip code.
Trotzenbonnie
April 19th, 2007 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

I think Josh is laughing so hard at all of you guys that he can’t get a new thread started.

(Can more information about merkins be found on the internet? I’m afraid to look.
My poor CPU is still smoking from accidently logging onto dicks dot com when I was looking for sporting goods.)

Speaking of Dicks, I’m dancing on the ceiling because my package from Dick Blick’s came today! Whoopee!! New pens for me!
Tomcat
April 19th, 2007 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

Luann- Uh oh. Toni has her eye on Brad’s huge bed. First she asked for a banana and some dip to go along with it, now she’ll be asking Brad to dip his banana in her cup.
Dub Not Dubya
April 19th, 2007 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

#417, dimestore lipstick:

â€œMark Trail Will beat you like a rented mule.â€

More Mark Trail beatings, rented mule!
Spoony Bard
April 19th, 2007 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

True Fable – Been here for a bit and I must say, ’bout some time someone caught on to the ol’ name here. For the record it was said in Final Fantasy 2 (Final Fantasy 4 if you’re from Japan) by the sage Tellah to the bard Edward following the death of Tellah’s daughter, Anna, in a bombing by the Imperial Red Wings. Why yes, I do have a lot of free time on my hands? Why do you ask?
gh
April 19th, 2007 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

There once was a Right Cross â€˜O Justice
More rock hard than June Morganâ€™s bust is
To feel its full power
Doth make grown men cower
You donâ€™t Mark on your Trail, trust us.
gh
April 19th, 2007 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

Agh!

You don’t want Mark on your Trail, trust us.
Chupper
April 19th, 2007 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail hit’s you so hard he discovers the hidden eyehook on your soul
JB
April 19th, 2007 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail will lay you out like wholesale carpeting.
gh
April 19th, 2007 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

If you want to Mark your Trail, that’s up to you.
Dingo
April 19th, 2007 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail hits so hard, he can pop Karl Rove’s emails back into the server.
Perky Bird
April 19th, 2007 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail–That’s not a speech ballon coming from Diver Dan’s pocket; it’s a sidenote, pointing to his peirced nipple. Only Diver Dan is so manly (from being in the military and all) that the normal nipple ring doesn’t do it for him, and he prefers to sport a shiny eye hook!
And that flying wig and moustache is hillarious! I wonder if they’ll be scooped up by a gigantic titmouse or night heron to line their nest.
whoamItoday?
April 19th, 2007 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

I dunno guys, perhaps it’s my upbringing, I went to 15 schools in 4 states, so I don’t subscribe to the idea that April, or anyone else, is somehow owed a middle-class ideal of growing up all her life in the same house, she’s only being asked to move down the street, big friggin deal.

and as for Mike purchasing the house, and his sister’s not getting their portion of the house value as inheritance some day, parents don’t owe their kid’s an inheritance, besides which, when Ellie & John die, the girls can divide the proceeds on the new house, add it to whatever was spent on their weddings and call it all even. (if you are presuming any of the 3 ‘deserve’ to inherit then you must also presume the girls ‘deserve’ to have princess-dream weddings of great cost, which Micheal, being a boy, didn’t get. Yeah, I recall Ellie helping trick Dee’s mom out of the pleasure of giving purchasing her own daughter’s princess wedding dress, but that’s not the same as footing the whole bill.)

As for the buying new, my husband and I had to laugh. We recently put ourselves in a similar position, giving most of our useful stuff to my daughters so they could contribute to their new apartments / stockpile for their next new apartments (cause you have to keep moving every time the lease ends and the rent goes up.) or else just dumping stuff as too old and crappy to be worth the cost of moving it overseas. and NOW we are in the horrible position of buying almost everything new and I wish we’d at least tried to bring our crappy old stuff and see what survived. damned expensive.

though in the end I think I will like the idea of having, for once in my whole life, a collection of furniture and stuff that was entirely chosen by us because we liked it and not just (inherited, dumpster-dived, settled for because the price was right.)
Ed Minchau
April 19th, 2007 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail will hit you so hard that even Chuck Norris will be impressed.
True Fable
April 19th, 2007 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

#391 gh – Trust you to come up with the one I would choose for the best “Mark Trail hits so hard…” contest entry!

#432 whoamItoday? – I don’t like furniture anyway, so I’m begging my kids to take whatever they want to select from my Early College Days Collection or my Divorced with Resultant Telltale Pressboard Items furnishings. In my defense, it was better than the tried and true Bricks and Board Assemblage. Just leave me my bed, a table and my computers, and a TV for Countdown with Keith Olbermann. And my clothes; they aren’t getting my CC shirts for any reason.

But they have taste so I’m probably stuck with all the furniture until I pass it off on some poor unsuspecting kids from college.
Esther
April 19th, 2007 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

Re: For Better Or For Worse commentary

I think I might maybe love you.
Dean Booth
April 19th, 2007 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail can punch the meddle out of Mary!
Sly Robbie
April 19th, 2007 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

John and Ellie move away, Lizardbreath gets her apartment. Roadkill elopes with Gerald.

Mike, Deanna and the kids spend a winter alone in the big “Old Patterson Place.” They get snowbound, as Mike goes crazy trying to write the next “Great Canadian Novel.” He keeps seeing the words “REDRUM” everywhere. Stary Gap-Toothed “Hoooo!” Guy is doing the landscaping and claims to have “The Shining…”
Original Lee
April 19th, 2007 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

#391 gh: COTW!!!!!
Blondie
April 19th, 2007 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

Hee hee, “smooth Margo’s feathers.”
zeeba
April 19th, 2007 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

4/18
zeeba coming up for air (too much work lately)–although I always read the comics, I don’t always get to come over and play here…

Luann: So Toni wants Brad’s banana. And day after tomorrow, they’ll just be sitting on the couch eating bananas.

RMMD: I don’t get this one in my paper, so I wait for Josh to tell me what’s going on. June’s had a LOT of work done. Back in the 60s, when she was just June Gale, nurse, her boobies looked a lot like Mary Worth’s.

FW: Jessica Darling looks REALLY OLD in that last panel. Darin–there’s your future–run away now as fast as you can!!! And I find it really hard to believe that Darin never knew about John Darling’s murder. He’s the ONLY FW character that didn’t know. Is this guy just incredibly innocent, naive, or something???

BC: I think we’re still seeing Johnny Hart’s work. He probably had a couple of weeks worth of stuff in the can. I don’t look for his successors’ work to show up until next month.

PBS: Awww, what a cute little zeeba!!!! And a cute little croc!!!! It’s Guess Who’s Coming to (for) Dinner!!!!
taotu
April 20th, 2007 at 2:33 am [Reply]

Today, Lynn Johnson made a joke about text messaging, and I died a little inside.
taotu
April 20th, 2007 at 2:35 am [Reply]

Oh wait. Sorry, I meant:

“Tdy, Lynn Jhnsn md a jke abt txt mssging nd I X_X a lttl nsde.”
aj
April 20th, 2007 at 2:44 am [Reply]

Damn, that would please me so very much if the vigilante about to kill those punks in JP turned out to be Sarkozy. The strip could crazily branch off into a commentary on the French political system, jam-packed with action and violence: “Do you think I am frightened by such scum as you? I will defeat you all with my lowered taxes and flexible labor markets! I will turn you into i-bankers!” cries Sarko, and the punks’ faces contort with horror. Suddenly, ominous footsteps in the alley behind him cause him to spin around, and he is caught off guard by the flash of a white suit. “Forty-hour workweek forever!” screams Segolene Royal as she lunges at him with a knife.

That would be very enjoyable. I would actually read JP.
Little A.
May 6th, 2007 at 7:45 am [Reply]

This just occurred to me, although it may have occurred to more than one of you FOOB-detractors out there in the real universe: Michael and Deanna’s first born, that insufferable CUTE LITTLE BASTARD WITH THE BOTOX LIPS (Lynne undoubtedly has stock in the company, she has to invest her money someplace) looks EXACTLY like that little model girl who was murdered down south someplace a number of years ago– I can’t remember her name, just her face, what was here name? You know who I mean? I don’t mean to cast aspersions on the unfortunate little girl, who in my opinion was turned into grotesque little primping thing by her parents. I am making an observation about DEANNA and MICHAEL’S BOTOXED KID.
deltbu aucfe
June 24th, 2007 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

ukprm zhqrmla nbekhx kuos bcwmuioe dergvnoat hcubq

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