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Begging for death’s sweet embrace

Beetle Bailey, 5/30/07

While I’m not a morning person and sympathize with Beetle’s attitude, I’m a little unnerved by the way he goes about expressing it. Specifically, who exactly is he ordering to “go away” and “leave me alone”? It seems that he’s so haunted by this world that he’s addressing existence generally, preferring the icy numbness of sleep or even death to consciousness. Alternately, since he is Trixie Flagston’s uncle, he may be railing against her buddy Sunbeam, hinting that this is a relationship that can go sour once you grow up.

Gil Thorp, 5/30/07

I had high hopes that crafty old Clambake was going to launch into a detailed treatise on just when and how you launch a beanball at a batter for maximum psychological impact. Instead, he appears to be giving young Elmer a “we black folks have it much harder than you Mexicans or whatever ever will so shut your yap whippersnapper” speech, which will inevitably result in either a soul-searching look at prejudice in a new, multiethnic America or an all-out race war, neither of which I’m interested in seeing in Gil Thorp, now or ever.

It’s nice to see the most personable and attractive Gil Thorp recurring character in panel three. I’m talking, of course, about the disembodied alien claw-thing perched on Elmer’s shoulder. It sure loves to sit on people’s shoulders, but it don’t mean no harm to nobody.

Hi and Lois, 5/30/07

I’d fling my food at my parents too if they tried to feed me that undifferentiated inky black goo. It’s like a bowl of finely minced despair.

Mary Worth, 5/30/07

Mary Worth is looking more skeletal and Nancy Reagan-esque than ever in panel two. I have no idea whose enormous hands those are flapping around in front of her, but they clearly aren’t hers. Perhaps they were once attached to her latest hapless victim, the remainder of whom is baking in a casserole dish back in her apartment, to be force-fed to Vera later this evening.

Slylock Fox, 5/30/07

I know it’s all part of the Great Cycle of Barnyard Life, but, like the duck in the pond, I am a little unnerved to see that fox’s last moment of happiness before the farmer beats him to death with that stick. I guess the lesson is: if you’re a fox and you like getting into other people’s business, get a cape and a deerstalker hat and learn to spout some deduction-y sounding bullshit. Otherwise, you’re fair game.

Ziggy, 5/30/07

Ha ha! Ziggy is going to die of smallpox, because he’s poor!

165 responses to “Begging for death’s sweet embrace”

  1. TurtleBoy
    May 30th, 2007 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    A3G: are we to believe that LuAnn’s studio is so Margoing huge that Gabriella and Alan can’t find her emaciated corpse upon a cursory search?

  2. TurtleBoy
    May 30th, 2007 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    Re the last comment: ‘Tweren’t funny, but ’twere first.

  3. Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
    May 30th, 2007 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    You just don’t see much smallpox humor in the funnies, and it’s a darn shame. Course, Ziggy would be the one that’s cutting edge enough to give it a try.

  4. off-model
    May 30th, 2007 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    (dt)GT: It almost appears to be a small herd of sea cucumbers wriggling over that poor boy’s shoulder.

  5. TurtleBoy
    May 30th, 2007 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    (DT)GT: wasn’t Clambake one of the fighters one had to face in Mike Tyson’s Punch-out? I believe his secret weapon was precisely the Alien Claw Hand, and to defeat it wou had to press Right-Left-Right-Left-[Select-Up] three times in quick succession.

    Hi & Lois: yeah, it’s official: the Flagstons are goth. They saw that red door, wanted it, painted it black.

    Ziggy: Ziggy’s doctor is one of the surliest muthas I’ve ever seen in the comics. Let’s put ‘im in a room with Crankshaft and have ‘em duke it out for the last Ho-ho.

  6. Krazy Kat
    May 30th, 2007 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    Those hands are poppin’ out of Mary’s garbage bag as she stuffs it into the chute.

    Say, where is DOCTOR Jeff Corey these days?

  7. Jack Drake
    May 30th, 2007 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    Great depiction of Jiminy Clambake – always let your conscience be you guide… right?


  8. Maughta
    May 30th, 2007 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey is related to Hi and Lois? Wow, Josh, you just blew my mind. Is there anything you don’t know?!

  9. loudfan
    May 30th, 2007 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    I noticed at least a couple strips had pirate themes on the day “Pirates of the Caribbean 3″ opened. Maybe Ziggy’s going for a tie-in with Michael Moore’s forthcoming movie “Sicko.”

  10. Wonder Boy
    May 30th, 2007 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    Maybe I’m wrong here, but could the same inky black substance that we assume is Beetle’s blanket (and may actually be consuming him, hence the screams of terror) also be the same vile blob-like substance being tossed by his young relative, the Flagston baby, onto her parents to cause their immediate and horrific end? Or maybe in both cases, it’s Spider-Man’s alien symbiote simply looking for fresh new souls to possess .. . .

    Either way, a few dead branches on the Bailey/Flagston family tree may finally be in the process of being cut away.

  11. willethompson
    May 30th, 2007 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    Ziggy has ‘spotitis,’ a malady that affects 3 out of 10 of all cartoon characters. If he had a decent health plan, his physician could prescribe a regimen of ‘White-Out, 10 mg, 2x daily” or even the generic stuff you get at Office Depot. Instead, because his coverage was cut by the syndicate, the grumpy public health cartoon doctor will give him an ink eraser and tell him to rub himself until raw. Damn you, Tom Wilson and your penny-pinching ways!

  12. wobblie
    May 30th, 2007 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    Wait a minute… if Ziggy’s too poor to afford proper medical care (or insurance, for that matter), where’s he been getting the Prozac which has kept him so mind-numbingly dull all these years?

  13. Theominousoat
    May 30th, 2007 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    The look on Ziggy’s face is going to haunt me. His sad, illness stricken eyes cry out from those pages and appeal for me to distribute a mercy killing.

    And meanwhile the demon goat of pure blackness looks on in Slylock Fox.

  14. winky
    May 30th, 2007 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    uh-oh… the disembodied alien claw-thing has grown nails since its last manifestation. could it be … *gasp* … evolving??!

  15. Norville Barnes
    May 30th, 2007 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    Wow, that’s some pretty insightful coaching from Clambake: “Just throw strikes.” Ohhhh. And what should they do when they’re up to bat, Clambake? Hit it, maybe?

  16. mcmc
    May 30th, 2007 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Zombie Luann is about to stagger in from the other room and take a big bite out of Alan. I can’t wait!

  17. PetertheGreat
    May 30th, 2007 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    In slylock fox, it looks as if that goat is about ready to headbut that farmer.

  18. Rusty
    May 30th, 2007 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    If Vera is going to take a pass on living with Von and drinking top-shelf liquor, have him give me a call.

  19. O’Fogeyette
    May 30th, 2007 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    I still haven’t had time to read the comics, but I’m getting closer. Meanwhile:

    Yesterthread Josh: Woohoo! Good luck with your comedy debut. Or break a leg. Whichever seems to work. I once knew a professional comic quite well, and he came to a bad end, but it’s still exciting.

    Yesterthread gh: I am very honored to be included among the judges of cephalopod matters. In any dispute I will of course defer to Squid Countess.

  20. Paperback Rifler
    May 30th, 2007 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    15. Hmm . . . maybe Clammy is morphing into Yogi Berra. Before you know it, he’ll be saying, “Son, baseball is ninety percent mental. The other half is physical. And the remaining two thirds is all about rubbing dirt on your pants while you’ve got your eyes locked on that one hole.”

    And speaking of ninety percent mental, Mary Worth looks as though her idea of a “light supper” with Vera involves serving the liver of Mary’s latest hapless victim with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. Slurp, slurp, slurp!

  21. gh
    May 30th, 2007 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    I think Ziggy was frequenting a squid-rasslin’ club and got some on him. He’s broke because of the steep cover charge and the “little extra” for the private room. That “eight ways to Sunday” special left him with an odd burning sensation, hence the doctor call.

  22. Colinski
    May 30th, 2007 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    A fox acting like a real fox (about to stalk and kill chicken if the farmer can’t do anything about it) in Slylock Fox is more disturbing than fried chickens in Shoe!

  23. Gabe
    May 30th, 2007 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    Maybe Trixie could give some of that inky black despair to Curtis in the gang, since they seem to love it.

    But maybe it just tastes better in leprechaun hats.

  24. BigTed
    May 30th, 2007 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    Beetle is turning into Harvey Pekar. This strip is reminiscent of an early “American Splendor” story, “Awakening to the Terror of the Same Old Day.”

  25. Hobbes
    May 30th, 2007 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    SF: I think even more disturbing than the little fox/farmer interaction is that pitch-black goat o’ death standing nearby, surverying the scene with his soulless white eyes. And yet, still more disturbing is that tiny chick, gaping wide-eyed at its bretheren’s nether regions, which one can only assume will lead to some sort of twisted barnyard sexplay. Bob Weber Jr., have you no shame?

    (note to self: next time work in some sort of “foul/fowl” pun)

  26. Mike
    May 30th, 2007 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    The duck may be less disturbed by the coming beating than by the pair of eyeballs attached to an apparently sentient log.

  27. Mike
    May 30th, 2007 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    Skylock Fox: The duck may be less disturbed by the coming beating than by the pair of eyeballs attached to an apparently sentient log.

  28. Grinderman
    May 30th, 2007 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    MW: It just occurred to me: Do you suppose that Archie-Joke-Generating-Laugh-Unit 3000 has decided to try its hand at writing DRAMA rather than comedy? That’s the only way I can explain the bizarre, surreal turn “Mary Worth” has taken lately.

  29. Mike
    May 30th, 2007 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    (Oops, sorry about the double-post. Which I am now compounding with this third post. Whee!)

  30. gnome de blog
    May 30th, 2007 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth is looking more skeletal and Nancy Reagan-esque than ever in panel two. I have no idea whose enormous hands those are flapping around in front of her, but they clearly aren’t hers.

    Hadn’t you heard? Mary Worth swapped hands with Ted Forth.

  31. O’Fogeyette
    May 30th, 2007 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    DTGT: I’m sorry to mention this again, but today’s first panel is truly frightening. Last night I watched part of Independence Day on tv, and the gigantic head standing next to Clambake is WAY scarier than anything those aliens did.

    JP: I’m sure this is another oversnark, but Abbey has way worse problems than Rachel’s dementia or figuring out how she’ll pay for the apartment. Her husband Sam has evidently been taken over by a brown-haired pod creature about thirty pounds heavier and twenty years older.

    I was going to oversnark also about RMCHAUFFEUR, but I don’t think i even want to know why Rex is cleaning or loading his pistol.

  32. PInk Haired Girl
    May 30th, 2007 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    That or Beetle’s schizophrenic. Either one is a good way of explaining a very confusing two panels.

  33. flotsam
    May 30th, 2007 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    Wow that little chick sures looks pissed off at something. Judging by the direction he’s looking in, I’d say whatever is happening off panel is much more upsetting.

  34. Ogg Ogglesby
    May 30th, 2007 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    (dt)GT. I’ve become convinced that Clambake is Roger the Alien from American Dad in one of his many disguises. The misshapen head, freakish long fingers and nonsensical dialog are telling.

  35. exelizabeth
    May 30th, 2007 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    Wow, Clambake, your advice on how to win the game is to “Just throw strikes.” I can just see it now: Clambake the political consultant, telling candidates to “Just get more votes,” or Clambake the matchmaker telling guys to “Just get more dates.”

  36. techinin
    May 30th, 2007 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    I was convinced that Mary and Vera were standing in the morgue in that first panel. Those huge un-dead hands coming up on the 2nd panel (and Krazy Kat’s post) prove it!

  37. Trilobite
    May 30th, 2007 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    I have a theory that Mary Worth in panel 2 up there may be one of the very few universally disturbing images: all who see it react negatively, even if they come from a radically different cultural context.

    I can’t test this theory, as I’m nowhere near the Amazon rainforest and therefore can’t find an isolated tribe to inflict that picture on. I could print it out and show it to babies to see if it makes them cry, but I think their parents would try to stop me, and anyway, I don’t want to be the kind of guy who traumatizes babies.

    But god, just look at that thing. If you took a random survey to see what emotion people felt Mary was displaying there, I think “insane” would get at least 75% of the final tally. That is the face of a woman whose brain is doing something very wrong and must be stopped.

  38. TurtleBoy
    May 30th, 2007 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    #15 Norville: The monitors at the bowling alley we used to frequent had “coaching” tips mid-frame to offer suggestions on how to pick up the spare, and accompanying this would be an indication of the difficulty: easy, medium, difficult. If you guttered on the first ball, the advice was to aim for the pocket, with a difficulty rating of “easy.” In theory, then, bowling a perfect game is “easy”: just make 12 “easy” shots, one right after another.

    Clambake oughta take up bowling. He’d go to the bucket, empty it out, and wrestle the boat to the ground.

  39. Trilobite
    May 30th, 2007 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    #33 flotsam — Actually, I think that little chick’s expression is more like horror, and it appears to be staring right at the…er…rearward portion of the middle chicken. My interpretation: the middle chicken is inadvertently giving the chick a buffalo shot.

    Hey, who’s hungry for wings?

  40. Harry Paratestes
    May 30th, 2007 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    SF: Slylock Fox is on crack today, and he’s having way too good a time with that log; clearly there’s a knothole on the other side, conveniently near the log-dweller’s hind parts. This is gonna end in tears, you know that.
    Ziggy: Poor Ziggy’s breaking out in buboes, and it’s all over except for being thrown on the cart o’ death and being hit with a hammer when he protests.

  41. Harry Paratestes
    May 30th, 2007 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    #19 O’Fogeyette
    If we behave while sitting around the campfire tonight, will you tell us the tale of “The Good Comic who Ended Bad”? + 5 bonus points if you weave in dead painters and mysterious fumes.

  42. Trilobite
    May 30th, 2007 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    Oh, if someone’s keeping track of the crotch-covering count in Mary Worth, Vera’s assuming the position yet again in panel 1. Maybe that’s why Mary’s raised her hands in the second panel: seeing that third base is covered, she’s going to try and steal second.

  43. Len
    May 30th, 2007 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    Emulating “Lio,” “Watch Your Head” has virtually eliminated all dialog or word balloons so far this week. Not sure whether it’s working as an improvement.

    Monday: Happiness is a warm pair of undershorts…

    Tuesday: Innocent tykes pinched my booty…

    Wednesday: I thought it was DOGS that dug up old bones! (I don’t understand this one at all…)

    Maybe if Corey showed up dressed as a giant squid?

  44. Harry Paratestes
    May 30th, 2007 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    #42 Trilobite
    You may be right, Mary might be trying out the old ‘You’re in good hands with Allstate’ move on Vera’s turgid breasts.

  45. Dean Booth
    May 30th, 2007 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

  46. O’Fogeyette
    May 30th, 2007 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    41 Harry P: I’m not sure I should talk about the comic who came to a bad end, because he was kind of famous before he died. He told me a lot about professional comics, though (including many specific ones). Mostly he said they’re all crazy. He also knew how to tap dance. Apparently everybody in show biz born in the thirties or earlier could tap dance.

  47. gump worsley
    May 30th, 2007 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    I don’t really keep up with Gil Thorp, so could someone please just make a note of when, if ever, Clambake changes his shirt?


  48. Kurdt
    May 30th, 2007 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    Josh, man that Ziggy comment made me spit up the juice I was drinking. Practically made my day.

    Doctor’s about to dump gasoline on the poor misshapen, dress wearing freak and set him on fire before he infects any of the other comics and they all die. Judging by the look on the doctors face, I’d say he’s had to do it several times already and realizes it’s a futile effort. I haven’t read Family Circus today, are they all lying dead in pools of their own phlegm?

  49. flotsam
    May 30th, 2007 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    #39 Trilobite – Upon second inspection you may be right. They grow up so fast…

  50. Harry Paratestes
    May 30th, 2007 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    #47 Gump Worlsey
    I believe that Clambake wears his shirt for a week, then turns it inside out, so the stench is on the outside and the drool stains are hidden, and wears it for another week.

  51. Len
    May 30th, 2007 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    Betty collects kitsch cows. Cow kitsch. Kau-Kitsch. I want to chant that over and over, like a mantra.

    And Archie’s afraid that the fact that Jughead EATS cows will offend her. Is Betty a vegetarian? Perhaps a Hindu? They revere SACRED cows. “Moo” is just “Omm” pronounced backwards.

    But (as another Curmudgeon recently observed), Jughead’s obsession is FOOD. Archie obsesses over women, Veronica obsesses over shoes, Mr. Lodge over money, Betty over cows, and if you can eat it, Juggie loves it.

    Which was why I was confused by a spot illo on the “Archie” website, that showed Mr. Jones wearing a Tee-shirt that said, “Chick Magnet.” Jug? Jughead doesn’t want to attract women! The shirt shoulda said, “CHICKEN Magnet.” More drumsticks, Mule!

  52. Meander
    May 30th, 2007 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    Apparently everybody in show biz born in the thirties or earlier could tap dance.

    Required skill. Basic singing and line reading was necessary as well.

  53. Canuckguy
    May 30th, 2007 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    Ooo, my first multi-comic post!

    (DT)GT: “After I drill the first guy in his for that crack”

    All right, we get it, the strip is gayer than a 3-dollar bill! Just come out already!

    MW: Does Charterstone have dumbwaiters? I mean I know the residents are old, but … damn!

    Ziggy: 3 words for ya, Ziggy: Free health care. OK, well, as a Canadian, it isn’t a perfect system (for example, our health care system keeps people like the Pattersons in perfect health), but it’s better than what you have apparently.

  54. VALIS
    May 30th, 2007 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    I just tried to imitate the surreal hand positions that they like to do in Mary Worth. I was in front of my mirror, trying to dislocate my forearms, and for some reason I turned 3 times on myself and whispered “Mary!” I swear, she appeared in the mirror for a second!

    I was a bit spooked. However she’s a nice old lady so I know I won’t die in my sleep tonight.

    Well, time for a few shots of Jack Daniels and a drive by the cliff

  55. Harry Paratestes
    May 30th, 2007 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    For some reason, in today’s Archie, Betty looks buck-naked and clean-shaven below the waist. Is she doing some avant-garde performance art piece, or are Jughead and Archie failing a basic lust test?

  56. commodorejohn
    May 30th, 2007 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    A3G – “Something bad happened here.” – Guy Fleegman, Galaxy Quest. This is the part where they discover that Luann’s contact with the spirit world has converted the studio into an etheric portal that looses Shoggoths on the streets of New York. Until Margo stops them with a mere cold stare, that is. She is mightier than they, and they know it.

    Archie – These look more like pop-art pigs than cows to my trained (i.e. grew up around cows) eye. Perhaps there’s an Archie Laugh-Generating Art Unit 3000 to go along with the ALGJU3K, which has apparently discovered the decade-old trend of teenage girls proclaiming themselves vegetarians. And is it just me, or would Veronica be the more likely of the two to (A) have a knick-knack collection and (B) be insufferable enough to think that eating meat is below her?

    Baby Blues – This storyline is basically Rosalyn Redux, but they’re handling it quite nicely. Kudos.

    B.C. – Today’s B.C. is from 1994, when Hart’s writing was starting to decline but he at least still gave a damn about the art. Look at the trees and the reflections in the pond – that’s a far cry from recent B.C. strips, which pretty much never featured scenery other than the ubiquitous caves and rocks.

    BB – I began to suspect yesterday, but now I’m quite convinced that Hoest and Reiner of The Lockhorns are subbing for Beetle Bailey in the script department. Just substitute Leroy for Beetle and Loretta and a neighbor for Sarge and Killer and you’ll see what I mean.

    Crankshaft – Pop-culture reference at least a year out of date? Check. Pointless personal tragedy? Check (senility.) This is a Tom Batiuk strip, all right.

    DTM – This is not menace. I did this when I was his age. Yesterday’s was better.

    DT – Someone needs to change that lady’s comma to a period.

    FC – Ha ha, sucks to be you, Billy. And since you seem to never age, I wouldn’t count on going next summer, either.

    FOOB – When Elly decorates, it’s creativity. When Dee does it, it’s territorial instincts. Even someone not familiar with the strip’s origin could tell you which of the two is the Mary Sue. Nice job offering your wife moral support, Michael, you dickweed.

    FW – “Tit-heist?” “Tithe-ist?” What the hell is he saying? Maybe “Title-ist,” but that doesn’t make any sense either.

    GF – I want a bucket like that.

    Garfield – Garfield made me laugh today.

    H&L – In what universe is “stick to my ribs” a description for food? What would that be, something that clumps up at the bottom of your eusophagus?

    JP – Mmm, Abbey.

    MT – Mmm, Sam. Also, “You must be Mark Trail, the man who is writing about our airport!” has to be the most unnatural sentence I’ve ever read, except for maybe “you stole a friend of mine’s pet bear.” Meanwhile, someone far off to Mark’s left confirms the hypothesis.

    Edison Lee – Thanks, Edison, for an image I very much did not need in my head. Why do I read this garbage?

  57. Sylphi
    May 30th, 2007 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    Canuckguy: That’s a trash chute Mary’s putting her trash in, not a dumbwaiter. There’s one in my apartment building. The trash just falls down to a big trash bin somewhere downstairs.

    …I really don’t see how Mary Worth is looking ‘skeletal’ in panel two. Maybe it’s a side effect of actually knowing people who’re unhealthily thin, but, um, no.

  58. Sylphi
    May 30th, 2007 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    commodorejohn: a lot of people use the phrase ‘stick to my ribs’ to describe food.

  59. Harry Paratestes
    May 30th, 2007 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    #58 Sylphi
    True. I sometimes use it to refer to steak-and-mashed-potato kinds of meals.
    Oh god, maybe I’m ‘The Plugger From Another Planet’.

  60. commodorejohn
    May 30th, 2007 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    Hmm. That’s a new one for me, at least. Maybe it’s a regional thing.

  61. Mik Holmes
    May 30th, 2007 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    53, Canuckguy
    The strip today is one big gay sex metaphor. Clambake is teaching the boy what to do at his first all-gay sex party. “I just want to drill that guy for that crack about elmer.” “The first time you pitch, boy? You should probably stick to the minors at first. You know, only swing at a few balls, only go for underhand throws, that sort of thing. If you’re going to drill a man just for his crack, you’ll never get anywhere.”

    In other news, Mary Worth reminds me of

  62. Anonymous
    May 30th, 2007 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    Thanks to the cataracts poor Mary can no longer distinguish a peaked expression of hunger from a piqued look of annoyance at her incessant meddling.

  63. Josh
    May 30th, 2007 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    To everybody wondering what the hell the punchline in today’s Funky Winkerbean means:

    Titleist is a company that manufactures golfing equipment, including golf balls. The implication is that the early, meteor-scarred earth depicted in the poster looks similar to a golf ball, with the craters standing in for the ball’s dimples.

    It isn’t funny.


  64. Uncle Lumpy
    May 30th, 2007 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    #56 Cjohn -

    Re: FWTitleist. A brand of golf ball, which that illustration of the Earth resembles. Stupid, forced, ham-handed joke.

  65. Uncle Lumpy
    May 30th, 2007 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, what he said.

  66. King Folderol
    May 30th, 2007 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    BB – Dude, your compatriots are getting their asses shot at in Iraq and Afghanistan, and you’ve been tucked away safely at some army base for the last five years. The army’s got no good reason to keep you in this sweet gig, particularly when they’re trolling the middle schools looking for future recruits, so keep your head down, your mouth shut, and your complaints to yourself, shit-for-brains.

    H&L – So the Flagstons have finally taken to feeding feces to their baby.

    SF – Your point’s well taken Josh. This is the equivalent to reading Mary Worth day in and day out, getting all invested in the characters, and then having some alien from outer space sucking Mary’s organs out with a straw. No, wait, it’s nothing like that…that sounds wonderful!

    Ziggy – I love how mad the doctor looks. It’s like his day is ruined because this fat, waddling excuse for a man has sullied his office with disease-ridden filth. Beautiful.

  67. aquagirl2
    May 30th, 2007 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    GT: Drill the guy? Pounding the other team? Good lord.
    That large disembodied head Clambake is talking to in the first panel is terrifying! It looks like the head from the Wizard of Oz, which always scared the crap out of me.

  68. aquagirl2
    May 30th, 2007 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    PS. It’s only because of this site that I have started reading Mary Worth. It is mind-numbing. This whole Vera storyline seems to be in a cycle.
    Vera mysterious.
    Mary forces her to come to a party/have dinner.
    Vera reveals something boring.
    Von appears in person or letter form.

  69. aquagirl2
    May 30th, 2007 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    #56–Garfield made me laugh today too!!!!

  70. Sobek
    May 30th, 2007 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    I love the look of utter despair on Lois’ face: “you want food? That sticks to your ribs? I guess these Ex-Lax kabobs will go to waste, then.”

  71. willethompson
    May 30th, 2007 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    #63 Josh: As a golfer AND a guy who is about to publish a humorous book about golf, I read FW today and thought the ‘Titleist” joke about a dimpled world about as funny as a truckload of dead puppies. Regular, not sweater.

    Now, if it were a “Bridgestone Precept 00 342 dimple pattern” joke, that would be comic gold!

  72. Little A.
    May 30th, 2007 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    Not only does Clambake never change his sweatshirt and wear it backwards, he always talks with his mouth shut.

    Or through his nose.

    No disrespect meant to Bill Elder, the great Mad Comic artist, but Gil Thorpe’s drawing style reminds me of how Elder used to draw when he had to draw serious strips in the EC science fiction strips. His style wasn’t suited for non-zany material, it constrained him. Except that even then, his figures were able to stand up straight and they didn’t look like they were floating two feet off the ground or practicing ballet.

    Maybe Ruben and McClaughlin just can’t draw legs and feet. I mean, they can’t really draw anything, but they never or rarely draw legs and feet. Because their characters don’t have limbs — that’s why they look like they’re floating around all the time! I just realized this! They haven’t got legs or feet! Am I correct or just nuts?

    As I have said before, I miss Sluggo Smith

  73. Victor Von
    May 30th, 2007 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: Behind the farmer lurks the Shadow Goat. It is here for your soul sole!

  74. Ukulele Ike
    May 30th, 2007 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    Last Page of comments, queek: “more Taylor T Fox, please. (bonus points for a Cassandra Cat/Taylor crossover strip!) Please, think of the foxgirls! :-D”

    Pig of a PIG, Ed Power! There has been NO Taylor T. Fox, save on the “About the Characters” page!

    You, and this “Melissa DeJesus” person, are naught but a pair of fox-girl TEASES.

  75. Herro!
    May 30th, 2007 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

    Clearly, the Flagstons are feeding Trixie leftover brain-drippings they bought on the “priced to sell” rack in a street market in Manhattan, suspiciously close to a building where young budding artists lock themselves in to mass-produce paintings that will grace the walls of Comfort Inns and Econo Lodges for years to come.

  76. Dean Booth
    May 30th, 2007 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

    An “all-out race war” in GT? Can’t happen — nobody can tell who belongs to which race. In GT world, they can’t even have a battle of the sexes.

  77. Mooncattie
    May 30th, 2007 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    I got as far into the comments as “you stole a friend of mine’s pet bear”, and that was it for me! This pre-dates my MT experience as I’m sort of a newcomer, but it’s the funniest line I’ve read in a long time. Maybe because I haven’t actually read that storyline. Oh my heavens, it’s funny.

    I’m sorry I didn’t make it into yesterday’s thread to thank the kind folks who commented on the action photo from Toronto City Hall. Many thanks, Josh, for posting this!!

    I blushed at the notion of being a “cuter Taylor Hicks”. Then it dawned on me — who is Taylor Hicks? Where can more information about Taylor Hicks be found? I sorted it out eventually, and a number of co-workers today gave me that sort of Edda-Unicorn staredown when I mentioned the resemblance. One amusing sort thought the “Hicks” part was right on. As for singing, I can’t imagine giving it a try on these pages, given the sheer poetry that’s here every day, but if inspiration strikes, I’ll do my best.

    Dr. Michael Mancini — Yes, I was indeed on the platform surrounding Nathan Phillips Square. It’s been quietly reopened, repaired, or at least unfenced, but nobody ever seems to go up there. Which is a pity, because that’s where you get the best photo ops with City Hall in the background. It’s a notoriously difficult building to pose folks in front of otherwise.

    And since there is a Wedding Chapel on the 3rd floor, I predict this is where the FOOB “cream dress” wedding will wind up taking place. I therefore expect to see photos of lots of Curmudgeon Fashionistas at this very spot!

  78. nsncy
    May 30th, 2007 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    In today’s FOOBiverse, we find Mike wishing he could just whizz on the new house to mark it as his while Deanne dreams of finally getting rid of the moldy old stuff the ‘rents didn’t want enough to take with them. Hmmmm, I can’t add anything to that with a comment. It stands alone in its perfection.
    Maybe I can sell my house to my son someday and leave my trash for him to dispose of.

  79. nsncy
    May 30th, 2007 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    that was actually Nancy speaking above although maybe nsncy could be my secret identity.

  80. Steve S
    May 30th, 2007 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    Beetle is yelling “Leave me alone” because he thinks Sarge is paying one of his nighttime “visits.” Given the Army’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, Beetle would be dishonorably discharged for actually reporting Sarge’s molestations.

  81. True Fable
    May 30th, 2007 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    Get Fuzzy Captain Fowl’s Big Bucket of Bird Bits.
    I love that name. I plan to ask for that very item the next time I swing by the Colonel’s, just to see the look on the person’s face behind the counter.

  82. Mr. Jingles
    May 30th, 2007 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    Beetle just needs to pull a “Klinger” and shoot for a section 8. Since going AWOL is out of the question (he would be totally lost).

    Also, in Gil Thorp, what’s with the “M” on ol’ boy’s hat? Mexican, Mexico, Me and My Boys will mow your grass?

    Life is so tuff isn’t it.

  83. Trotzenbonnie
    May 30th, 2007 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    #51 – Len
    Betty must be a flat footed floozie.
    Any teenage girl showing her “cow” collection to teenage boys is just begging them to say “You like cows so much? Then show us your udders.”

  84. Dean Booth
    May 30th, 2007 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

  85. Citric
    May 30th, 2007 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

    BB: Beetle is protesting that he’s always on the…uh…receiving end of Sarge’s affections. That’s the tactful way to put it. Hence the protests that he did it last time. Clearly, he wants to be, uh, um, on top of the situation, if you get my grip.

    I do tend to view Beetle Bailey as being almost entirely about anal sex though.

  86. GG
    May 30th, 2007 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    I for one welcome the idea of a race war in Gil Thorp. Especially since everyone in it looks white (actually they look inhuman, but that’s another rant), so even if the Mexican characters fought the black ones, it would be like watching a riot at Santa Royale. I also think it would make more sense if racial preference in Gil Thorp was actually determined by who looks less mutated.

  87. Red Greenback
    May 30th, 2007 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    A few answer snippets from Clambake’s little known advice column from the late 70′s,”Ask Mr. Yancey”:
    -Never kiss a horse on the fetlock.
    -Sometimes a doorknob is just a doorknob.
    -That’s the VD son, don’t waste your money on a doctor.
    -Who smell’t it, dealt it. Don’t smell it, deal with it!
    -I’ve had bowel movements bigger than that. Don’t ever write to me again!
    -I was once on a whale watching tour too, so I can relate! Take it from me son, you CANNOT sue the whale.
    -Carbona, not glue.
    -”Let me ride my rickshaw up your Ho Chi Minh trail” is in extremely bad taste. I have always found a box of Whitman Samplers and a neatly pressed zoot suit is the way to win a gal’s heart.

  88. .Doc
    May 30th, 2007 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: Beetle is Trixie Flagson’s uncle? I’m assuming, then, that he is Lois Flagston’s brother, since his name isn’t also “Flagston.” Lois Bailey? Who would have thunk?

    Hi and Lois: Trixie is obviously flinging some slop that Uncle Beetle sent her from the Camp Swampy mess hall.

    MW: I see what you mean about those couldn’t be Mary’s own arms. The positioning and movement wouldn’t happen in that exact plane were they actually attached to her body.

    9CL: I’ve finally figured out this Edda/Unicorn sequence. B. McEldowney is obviously on vacation, just phoning it in to some supernumerary at his studio, and it’s easier to draw just one panel and include a second panel of text than it is to draw two or three panels, as usual. Also, there was a refreshing bit of truth spoken when Edda’s face, or at least her lips, were referred to by the Unicorn as “simian” in appearance.

  89. PapaFrita
    May 30th, 2007 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    I think we can safely assume that Mary’s victim’s HEAD is in that sack, no doubt being sent to Jeff to make sure he stays in the States, if he knows what’s good for him.

    Vera, when Mary enters her apartment and ducks suddenly, RUN.

  90. Buck Ripsnort
    May 30th, 2007 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    What, no one connected Trixie’s feces/”food” and the Black Carpet of Doom in the Flagston’s living room? Hi’s job pays so little, they’re feeding their baby carpet scraps!

  91. Buck Ripsnort
    May 30th, 2007 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    What, no one connected Trixie’s feces/”food” and the Black Carpet of Doom in the Flagston’s living room? Hi’s job pays so little, they’re feeding their baby carpet scraps!

  92. Burning Prairie
    May 30th, 2007 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    It was your title, Begging for death’s sweet embrace, that hooked me. Absolutely nothing untoward could follow such a delightful opening. Speaking of untoward, both Vera and Mary seem to be doing some kind of robot-dance, Mary in the hall and Vera for added emphasis when she discarded Von’s missive. Odd.

  93. Red Greenback
    May 30th, 2007 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    Dean! I just recovered my bad self enough to type this after checking out your Comics Pics page! I gotta tellya, “Clambake’s World” made me laff so hard, I coughed up some stuff leftover from back in the day when I was a smoker! Thank you Dr. Booth!

  94. Poteet
    May 30th, 2007 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    RMMD — This one is for the truly demented RMMD fan (not that I should talk). While getting rid of some really old newspapers (don’t ask), I came upon this 2005 comment in the anonymous comments column of the paper: “Reading the March 4 “Rex Morgan” comic strip might give you an idea of how some poor people live.” The commentor was listed as “Saylorville man.” I don’t have the strength or stamina to try to find out what happened in Rexville on 3/4/05, but if someone were kind enough to inform us, I’d sure appreciate it.

  95. Josh
    May 30th, 2007 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    Poteet, all you gotta do is go to today’s strip on the Chron Web site, find the date in the URL, and change it to the one you’re looking for:

    Who could forget young Buck’s self-doctoring?


  96. nsr
    May 30th, 2007 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    It’s Slylock, he’s buck naked, and he’s humping that log.

  97. reader-who-posts
    May 30th, 2007 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    Z: Ziggy is a plugger!

    DT: Tess’ eye is slowly sliding off of her face.

    FW: Is this school accredited? Because that teacher sucks!

  98. Poteet
    May 30th, 2007 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    Thank you, Josh! I somehow had gotten the idea that chron archives only went back sixty days, so I didn’t even try that. Now that I’ve been shown the light, who knows how much more time I’ll spend there. And I definitely remember young Buck’s self-doctoring. It’s lodged in the “arrrgh” chamber of my memory right next to the rock-bashing dentistry in CAST AWAY.

  99. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    May 30th, 2007 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    I think we should assemble a compendium of Archaic Comic Signifiers, like the doctor’s…whatever the hell that thing cartoon doctors wear is. You’d think cartoonists collectively would come up with a plausibly recent image to indicate that a character is a doctor. Like a set of golf clubs. Har. I slay me.

    Speaking of golf, Funky Winkerbean succumbed to the golf virus today. I’m sure Mr. Mustache has quite the reputation for being able to communicate with students…what with his uberhip golf-oriented science gags.

  100. Red Greenback
    May 30th, 2007 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    Here is my most favoritest Rex Morgans ever. Oh Yea-a-a-h!

  101. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    May 30th, 2007 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    Lucky fish.

  102. Uncle Lumpy
    May 30th, 2007 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    #99 Gadge -

    Believe it or not, that thing is called a head mirror.

  103. commodorejohn
    May 30th, 2007 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    Red Greenback – Ohhhh yeeaaahh indeed. How did they get that one past the editors?

    “I think there’s a fish in my pants!”

  104. Trotzenbonnie
    May 30th, 2007 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    #100- Red
    I can’t see the keyboard through my tears…Oh boy! That old RMMD was funny.
    But I think June meant to say “There’s something FISHY in my pants”….

    And, Buck, my latest emergency room visit (I needed 5 stitches in my finger) cost $1061.00 of which I owed $473.06 after our insurance company paid their share. Of course my husband would say it was still cheaper than if I went to JoAnn’s Fabrics for sewing notions to stitch it myself…

  105. Citric
    May 30th, 2007 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    I should mention:

    FOOB approached something resembling reality today! My parents and brother are in a Patterson-esque moving arrangement (though my brother, unlike Saint Michael, isn’t a self-absorbed twat, and to my knowledge no trees have fallen on my parents’ new house as of yet), and they’re redecorating as much of their respective new houses as their budget allows.

  106. Mibbitmaker
    May 30th, 2007 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    Actually, in Beetle Bailey, Beetle’s reacting to Mort Walker informing him that Miss Buxley isn’t showing up for Miss Buxley Wednesday this week.

    You think Beetle is upset? General Halftrack is nearly catatonic!

  107. alamo
    May 30th, 2007 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    archie — betty is just tempting those two yokels into
    ‘cleaning her barn”.

  108. Derelict
    May 30th, 2007 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    That’s actually Slylock’s cousin, Goniff Fox. Slylock’s abused his reputation as a detective to protect cousin Goniff for year, pinning all manner of crimes on Count Weirdly, Shady Shrew, and other local citizens as a way to cover up for Goniff’s misdeeds.

  109. Red Greenback
    May 30th, 2007 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

    Everyone out of the post! New pool!!… sorry, i’ll just go away now.

  110. andreavis
    May 30th, 2007 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    SFx: I think that farmer is rushing to get in a last-minute entry in the Tyler-clubs-himself contest….

  111. Poteet
    May 30th, 2007 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    # 100 — BWAHAHA! Red, that was so wonderful I spit water on the floor.

  112. Simple J. Malarkey
    May 30th, 2007 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    87: Now that’s funny.

  113. Bobdog
    May 30th, 2007 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    I can’t believe the Flagstones are feeding Trixie the “Blood of LuAnn ™” brand baby food — didn’t they know that stuff’s been recalled?

  114. AhClem
    May 30th, 2007 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

    SFx – I’m no geologist, but do chickens really have green necks, red crops and yellow beaks? If not, Weber has been doing his art research by looking at a box of Kellogg’s Corn Flakes.

  115. Wirrrn
    May 30th, 2007 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

    BEETLE BAILEY: The Sarge and Corporal Clipboard are clearly unaware that poor Beetle is being attacked in his dreams by Freddy Krueger. In a few minutes, they’ll go in to try and wake Beetle and find his bloody remnants stuffed into his foot locker beside a strangely pristine, neatly made bed, only with red and green-striped sheets…

    SHYLOCK FOX: It’s The Secret Origin of Shylock, when an ordinary fox hunting chickens was bludgeoned about the head by an irate farmer, lost his memory, was nursed back to health by Max Mouse (currently cowering inside that log) and assumed the identity of a famous detective, solving cases whilst all the while trying to find clues as to whom he really is!

  116. Sunny Mel Blatherscythe
    May 30th, 2007 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey – I don’t get it, after years of sexual abuse from Sarge, Beetle finally finds the courage to cry out for help and Lt. Flap is buying Sarge’s cover story hook line and sinker.

    Gil Thorp – Seeing how Milford actually “pounded” valley tech it’s nice to see that Clambake’s advice was for naught.

    Hi and Lois – It’s special comic strip moments like these, that better help me to understand the point of view from Marvin Gaye’s Dad & Kit Culkin.

    Mary worth – Let’s look at the evidence: No appetite, peaked and a Wilma Flinstone bead necklace covering the bite wound, yup Vera has been getting nightly visits from Count Kelrast.

  117. Sunny Mel Blatherscythe
    May 31st, 2007 at 12:02 am [Reply]

    Shylock Fox – The deviant smile and the “thank you sir may I have another” manner in which a naked Shylock is bent over the log brings me to the conclusion that our kinky detective friend enjoys Quarterstaff floggings at the hands of old chicken farmers. The perturbed glance from Brer’ duck sets the tone for the strip.

    Ziggy – I’m not a doctor or a dermatologist but I conclude if Ziggy would maybe…invest $20 on a pair of pants he could probably avoid these little infections better.

  118. naugahyde
    May 31st, 2007 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    I want to comment about this line from Dick Tracy, but words fail me:

    I had something
    else planned,

  119. Jei
    May 31st, 2007 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    I lol’d at myself for getting all the answers right on Slylock Fox.

  120. Ed Power, writer of My Cage
    May 31st, 2007 at 5:12 am [Reply]

    Ukulele Ike @ 74,

    RE: “Pig of a PIG, Ed Power! There has been NO Taylor T. Fox, save on the “About the Characters” page!

    You, and this “Melissa DeJesus” person, are naught but a pair of fox-girl TEASES.”

    LOL! Wow. That’s just loaded with memorable phrases. :D

    Fear not, Ike and queek. Everyone’s favorite fox-girl gets a full week of introduction strips next week. There’s even a cameo appearance by none other than Salmon Hayek.

    No team ups with Cassandra Cat though. Sorry. :(

  121. MrP
    May 31st, 2007 at 6:07 am [Reply]

    I dunno if this has been commented on before, but I like how in Gil Thorp, actual baseball matches take a back seat to racist black-with-white-features mentor dude’s advise on how to win them. The “After Milford pounds Valley Tech…” panel is so wonderfully casual in pointing out how one team absolutely obliterated the other, it’s obvious that they’re so good, they make the actual baseball matches boring.

    And of course, creepy cradlerobber Clambake is all the more eager to tell his young boitoi-to-be how much better black teams are than white teams anyway.

  122. Pozzo
    May 31st, 2007 at 6:46 am [Reply]

    OMG, Josh, do you mean Mary is going all Titus Andronicus on us? I’d always thought that if the MW writers took the strip down a Shakespearean path, it would be more of a “Macbeth” thing, with Mary urging a reluctant Dr. Jeff to seize control of Charterstone. (“Lay on, Professor Chinbeard;/And damned be him that first cries, ‘Hold, enough!’”) I’d actually rather enjoy this, especially for the scene when the ghost of Aldo makes a Banquo-like appearance at a poolside party.

  123. Brian Cooksey
    May 31st, 2007 at 7:05 am [Reply]

    #13: Theominousoat, good catch on the Goat of Despair. I think the goat-demon has used it’s hellish powers to regress Slylock to a feral state. The dude with the stick is an old friend of Slylock’s. “Farmer Joe, if my pact with the Elder Gods turns sour I want you to do the right thing. I won’t have opposable thumbs any more so I can’t ‘Tyler’ myself.”

  124. Calico
    May 31st, 2007 at 7:05 am [Reply]

    Wonderful snark today Josh – your posts just whacked that AM allergy headache right out of my thick Gil-Thorpe like skull from laughter.
    Re: Clambake, you wrote
    “Instead, he appears to be giving young Elmer a ‘we black folks have it much harder than you Mexicans or whatever ever will so shut your yap whippersnapper’”
    I find it highly amusing to consider that Mike Bouchard has even the remotest possibility of being a Mexican.
    I also want a T-Shirt with Clambake and his Patented Pitching Claw System® on it.

  125. Calico
    May 31st, 2007 at 7:13 am [Reply]

    MW – How’s the Corgi-ah, I mean, how’s the Roast Beef, Vera?

    FOOB – So Gewald will go Roadside first with Becks, or maybe the guitar player will be stoned again and totally blow the performance AT THE MALL (hahahahaha!)
    In any case, looks like Gerald’s Hose-O-Phonium is going to get some action from someone soon.

    Blondie – this is your brain on 80,000 Scoville Units.

    3G – Alan the Wussie faints. Oh, my, so much oil!
    Texas Tea!
    BTW, that’s the shit that Trixie is flinging in disgust and hatred at her Dad, as there’s plenty to go around!

  126. Squawk
    May 31st, 2007 at 7:14 am [Reply]

    Well, Hi & Lois, that’s what you get for serving Trixie SAE10W30 motor oil for dinner.

  127. Calico
    May 31st, 2007 at 7:30 am [Reply]

    #81 – Sounds like a shoutout to Colonel Claypool’s Bucket of Bernie Brains band.

    Now, in 3G, I really wonder what will happen to Luann’s brains.
    Oh, wait! That’s not a problem because she doesn’t have any! Chill, Alan.

  128. Islamorada Girl
    May 31st, 2007 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    Nancy Reagan’s enormous head, perched on her tiny, anorexic body is far scarier than Mary Worth. Nancy’s something that lives in the shadows in LuAnne’s studio.

  129. Krazy Kat
    May 31st, 2007 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    Santa Royale isn’t a gated community at all–it’s a HOSTILE!

  130. Krazy Kat
    May 31st, 2007 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    also known as a HOSTEL

  131. Krazy Kat
    May 31st, 2007 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    it’s early for da Kat

  132. Edgy DC
    May 31st, 2007 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    Clambake gives Elmer a speech about thickening his skin and taking it like Branch Rickey taught him to. Meanwhile several shadowy Valley Tech figures are sneaking up on them to return Mitford’s “pounding” with some ethnic cleansing.

    I don’t think I like Gil Thorpe. The unintended messages of bad art can be unsettling.

  133. Pozzo
    May 31st, 2007 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    That log in “Shylock Fox” — it’s Grelber from Broomhilda! (Or is that just too obscure?)

  134. Buck Ripsnort
    May 31st, 2007 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    There’s so much blood!– isn’t that a line from Psycho?

    And today, Ed Grimly guest-stars in Slylock Fox (to get all our minds off that “Slylock-humping-Grelber” thing from yesterday).

  135. mir777
    May 31st, 2007 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    #85/116 – I agree. Beetle’s clearly releasing the trauma of unwanted late-night barracks visits, and Sarge is being all dommy…implying that no means yes in his world. Oh, Beetle!

  136. Meanwhile
    May 31st, 2007 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    MW: I just had a heartwarming new fantasy about this strip: Vera learns that Von had enclosed a nice, fat pity check in his letter, but she was too peevish and tantrum-y to notice it, and so tossed it down the garbage chute.

    So she must now enlist Mary and Toby to help her dig through the dumpsters, deep in the bowels of Charterstone, where Vera unwittingly turns up none other than Aldo Kelrast’s misplaced self-respect!

    After much passive-aggressive blame-passing and deflecting, it comes out that Mary had pilfered it soon after Aldo’s initial come-on and stowed it in the Charterstone dungeons, all the better to manipulate the now-empty shell of a man into that fateful, fiery, early grave.

    The police investigate, but as there’s no way to prove who stole Aldo’s self-respect, and since his case was already closed, Mary gets off scot-free — again! Vera, at last realizing what a nightmarish pit of scorpions she’s fallen into, hightails it back to Chez Incest to live in slightly-less-nightmarish bliss with her dear brother ever after.

    Man, I should totally be writing this strip.

  137. Calico
    May 31st, 2007 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    #36 – Mary getting off Scot-free – -now I want to see the Biddy and Ian Cameron, drunk, in kilts.

  138. mere cog in the machine
    May 31st, 2007 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    The benign, almost friendly-seeming nature of the alienclawthing appeals to me. I’d like to get one. It must be reassuring to be patted on the shoulder by a well-meaning and sympathetic presence – albeit a somewhat frightening looking, admittedly alien one – twenty-four hours a day.

  139. Pozzo
    May 31st, 2007 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    #51 (Len): As I’ve stated in this space before, when I’m at a crossroads, I just look at my WWJD bracelet and ask myself: “What would Jughead do?” The answer usually comes back “Eat a cheeseburger and take a nap,” but really, when is that ever bad advice?

  140. Calico
    May 31st, 2007 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    #138 – sort of like “Thing” from the Addams Family”, eh?
    Always a comforting and wise presence! : )

  141. Chupper
    May 31st, 2007 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    Slylock suspects the farmer beat the non-sentient fox to death, but the farmer says he’s just been jumping over streams all day. Why does Slylock not believe him?

    The farmer’s stick has bark on it, proving that he wouldn’t even have to hit the fox that hard to draw blood. Also, the stick is covered in fox blood.

  142. Bluedot
    May 31st, 2007 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    Most homoerotic. Gil Thorp. Ever.
    I’m so turned on right now I can’t get up from my desk. Plus Elmer (or whoevs) is the first non-transgendered male I’ve seen in this strip.

  143. majolo
    May 31st, 2007 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    I don’t care what they are feeding Trixie, but why are they feeding her out of a dog dish? Actually, on reflection, that would be a good design for a baby dish, so I withdraw my objection.

    And in Funky Winkergloom, the laughs keep coming!

  144. FSogol
    May 31st, 2007 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    You know, I really only read Shylock Fox for the articles. pictures of Cassandra Cat.

  145. Sobek
    May 31st, 2007 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    So in the first panel, the sniper clearly has Hi in his scope. Why didn’t he take the shot?

  146. philip
    May 31st, 2007 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    I suspect that when Clambake says he’s going to “square it with Elmer,” it’s going to involve a tube sock with a door knob shoved in it.

  147. winky
    May 31st, 2007 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    the clambake storyline would make sense if the milford team was black (although the art would still be crappy). but as it stands, a story about a negro league veteran passing on lessons of intolerance, bigotry and hatred to a team of white suburbanite kids who just want to hang at the bucket is jaw-droppingly stupid.

  148. Sam L.
    May 31st, 2007 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    OK, the pitching advice on Gil Thorpe seems to always boil down to some variation of “Throw strikes.” Do these people even know how to play baseball? Does Clambake think they are purposely throwing wildly off-target?

  149. Quacks Like A Duck
    May 31st, 2007 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    Why is Ziggy’s doctor so angry with him?

  150. JonO
    May 31st, 2007 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    Wait. Wait! “White teams”? “Barnstorm”? Wait, what?! Clambake’s black? He’s an old Negro League player?THAT’S what this “wisdom” stuff is about?

    Jesus, that artwork is bad.

  151. TriteKnight
    May 31st, 2007 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    BB: I believe that Beetle is actually talking to himself. His many personalitites are arguing over who must deal with the world today. I don’t regularly read the strip, but if Beetle’s characterisation is ever inconsistent, then one could explain it by this.

  152. Ginger Yellow
    May 31st, 2007 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

    Guidelines for lazy and/or imagination starved comic writers:

    No 1.
    If you must repeat a strip again and again and again, for God’s sake make it interesting.
    Do: a spicy combination of racism, control freakery and international travel.
    Don’t: inviting someone to dinner against their will.

    No 2.
    There is only one guideline.

  153. Evan Waters
    June 1st, 2007 at 2:28 am [Reply]

    GIL THORP is really just an elaborate exercise in abstract expressionism disguised as a sports comic, isn’t it?

  154. Edward
    June 1st, 2007 at 4:53 am [Reply]

    Inviting someone over for a ‘light’ supper is like taking someone for a drink and saying ‘I’m just going to have a coke. What are you just going to have?’

  155. ChrisP
    June 1st, 2007 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    Obviously Mary Worth has killed Rachel Ray and stolen her man hands, shoving the useless remains down the laundry chute

  156. Calico
    June 1st, 2007 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    FOOB Elly letter – Elly hates all trees now.
    She really has a mean streak, that one. Burn in revenge! Curses upon you, Birch Tree!
    And this will really make her flap and shave multiple sheets:

  157. Calico
    June 1st, 2007 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    Another letter entry by The Flapper:
    “April and Liz get along better now that Elizabeth has moved out; the two of them are very mature…”

    Say wha?! Am I still dreaming like Luann in her bad-art-induced stupor??

  158. Tj
    June 2nd, 2007 at 3:43 am [Reply]

    What’s with the doc in ziggy? He’s either got no eyes or no pupils.. either way he can’t possibly know what ziggy has…

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  160. Shanky
    September 19th, 2008 at 1:21 am [Reply]

    Damn. For one horrified second I thought that line was Ziggy’s ass, and his bizarre physique was further complemented by his buttocks taking up seven eights of his back.

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  165. Jumbo37364
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