The Comics Curmudgeon

Main content:

Genghis Drew

Apartment 3-G, 7/29/07

For shame, Margo Magee! I seem to remember that a certain young brunette was very pleased to received all sorts of aesthetically unsettling knickknacks from total strangers celebrating her liberation from white slavery. So don’t begrudge the brain-damaged girl her moment in the sun, OK?

Unless Eric’s note features magical talking handwriting, Tommie doesn’t know what it is that has Margo so excited, but we can all still join her in a hearty “Where?!” Eric said “dinner at my place tomorrow night”, Margo. Either she’s planning on spending a full 24 hours primping for their reunion, or she’s going to burst into his apartment early and catch him in the arms of his sister-in-law. Either way, it’ll make for four to six weeks of good fun.

Shoe, 7/29/07

I’m really starting to worry about Shoe. As I’ve noted, the strip suddenly seems fixated on wasted lives and impending death. Today, as if five consecutive panels of a sobbing, emotionally distraught Perfesser weren’t enough, in the first panel we actually get to see Gilmore the Goldfish’s last moment on earth, his heavy-lidded eyes solemn with the sudden realization that for him, the veil separating this world from the next was about to part and he would forever transcend to the beyond. Then, for good measure, we’re shown his corpse. Bizarrely, the whole thing is capped off with a nonsensical joke. It’s as if Roz is telling us that the only way we can escape the crushing pain that comes with the knowledge of our own mortality is by taking refuge in the deliberate nonsense of Dada.

Funky Winkerbean, 7/29/07

The Moment We’ve All Been Waiting For is here, more or less, though surely Darrin will spend weeks moping aimlessly with the knowledge that his birth mother is dying of cancer before he actually works up the nerve to talk to her. I mostly wanted to point out his look of stunned horror as his face looms above the “BEAN” in Winkerbean in the first panel. It really nicely encapsulates the mood of the strip, though it does leave us wondering about his mouth — a perfect O of shock, or a grimace of emotional distress?

Finally, today’s Mary Worth is too horrible for me to contemplate, but I did want to share this pic from faithful reader Dan, who offers it as proof that tiny, tiny horses like the ones Drew and Dawn are riding do exist — in Mongolia!

This frankly opens up a number of wonderful possibilities. Are Drew and Dawn training in the art of nomad horsemanship? Will they join a fearsome horde of warriors, swooping down upon the settled folk, burning their homes, stealing their gold, and leaving piles of bones in their wake? Will Charterstone be their first target? Please?

This entry was posted on Sunday, July 29, 2007 at 09:44 pm and is filed under Apartment 3-G, Funky Winkerbean, Mary Worth, Shoe.

481 responses to “Genghis Drew”

BigTed
July 29th, 2007 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

I’m interested in the shaded background characters in todays “Apt. 3-G.” For people at a party, the seem pretty unhappy, as if they’ve absorbed Margo’s annoyance at having to celebrate LuAnn’s survival. The first group looks as if they’re whispering worriedly about whether or not LuAnn will be safe after returning to Margo’s clutches. In the next to last panel, it looks as if a man has chosen this very gathering to break up with his girlfriend. And in the final panel, even a dancing cowboy can’t cheer up the miserable-looking young woman he’s attempting to entertain. Are these really “well-wishers,” or members of LuAnn’s support group for the chronically sad and lonely?
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
July 29th, 2007 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

Damn! Just missed first. That’ll teach me to read the post before commenting.

Anyway, I will be leaving early tomorrow morning on yet another jaunt to the frozen North, to seek out new habitation in the brutal and primitive suburbs of Milwaukee. Which means no more snark from me until Thursday. ‘Night, all, and don’t say anything too interesting while I’m gone, because I’m sure as boxcars not reading 1,500 comments when I get back.

Well, okay, I probably will. But anyway. See ya’s later!
Trotzenbonnie
July 29th, 2007 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

I think Margo needs some time to go shopping with Coach Kaz for more earbobs.
slinkimalinki
July 29th, 2007 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

drew and dawn are obviously completely hammered on fermented mare’s milk.
Mibbitmaker
July 29th, 2007 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

A3G: Margo: “ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME Not LuAnn ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME (eric) ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME MARGOMARGOMARGO ME ME ME ME……”

Shoe: Skylar learns the big kid lesson that adults lie to them. Overall, Shoe is stuck in a Funky Winkerbean universe here.

Margo (continued): “ME ME ME [singing]MI MI MI MI MIIIIIIIII![/singing] ME ME ME ME MEEEEEEEEE!!!……….ME!”
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
July 29th, 2007 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

That “Shoe” was so depressing it makes Crankshaft look like Richard Simmons and Weird Al Yankovic at a caffeine party.
Freezer
July 29th, 2007 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

In most other (intentionally) funny strips; Darren’s reunion with Lisa would signal either Lisa’s renewed willingness to fight and resume chemo or would technobabble some miracle cancer treatment with Darren’s bone marrow or DNA or left testicle or something.

With Funky Cancercancer? Just another loved one who gets to watch Lisa die the slowest death since Jimmy Smitts in NYPD Blue.
Dingo
July 29th, 2007 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

Swwwwweet Jebus! Dan’s a BEAR!

Grrrrrrr… pours the Merlot.
Rusty
July 29th, 2007 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

Imagine you’re an infrequent reader of the comic pages, but you pick up the Sunday funnies today and decide to read Funky Winkerbean, a strip you have always ignored in the past. Ummmm, where be the “funny”? Hell, where be the dialogue?
commodorejohn
July 29th, 2007 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

Damnation! I have been away all day not going to a family reunion and did not get a chance to unleash my award-winning Sunday snark in time to get my obviously deserved COTW! Ah well, the show must go on…

A3G – To tomorrow night, doofus! The faster Margo runs, the slower time goes for her; if she attains a healthy percentage of light speed, she can get to tomorrow night in no time flat, without having to get through 24 intervening hours of being around you and Luann!

BB – What is with Killer’s eyes in the last panel? Have the Walkers been reading this? (Special thanks to Burstroc for such wonderfullness.)

Blondie – There was a much dirtier final panel, but the syndicate nixed it.

Crankshaft – Debilitating old age! Laffs aplenty!

Curtis – I sensed a great disturbance in the Force; as if thousands of potential Thriller parodies cried out, and were suddenly silenced.

DTM – The inferred events in this one have just made up in full for the lack of menace in recent years. How could the syndicate have missed this?

DT – “Some people fake injuries. So don’t bother to help injured people. You’re helping natural selection along, anyway.”

FC – Guest-written by Bonnie and Boo-Boo.

FOOB – I don’t like John Patterson, but he doesn’t inspire the visceral hatred in me that most of the cast does. And I can’t help feeling sorry for the poor bastard as he is continually subjected to authorial emasculation. Lynn just keeps getting creepier and creepier; I can imagine a horror story, a good one, about a man who can’t tear himself away from his train set. As his wife, an agent of some outside force, looks smugly on, he draws further and further into his own little world that doesn’t extend beyond the confines of his yard, populated by only himself, his family, and his train set. As he fades from reality, his friends in the outside world are increasingly “unavailable” (read: sent to the corn field.)

FW – Five whole panels of absolute silence. In a comic where every other strip has dialogue revolving around cancer, that’s a blessed thing.

GA – Remember that Shoe Sunday strip a few months back that Josh pointed out functioned as three separate strips? It’s happening in GA, too.

JP – The Shady Buyers have sent their familiar to spy on Sophie and Sam.

MW – This is the most horse-riding I’ve ever seen in a comic strip. And given what that’s a euphemism for…this is like, the matingest comic strip ever in the funnies. (I refuse to call it the “sexiest,” for obvious reasons.)

MC – Bunnygirl!

Pibgorn – Again, I like sexy nearly-naked fairies and demons as much as the next guy, but would it be too much to ask for just a tiny bit of a clue as to what the hell is going on?

RMMD – Best. Final. Panel. Ever.

SF – I want a shirt of that “Foolish, foolish humans!” panel.

SFx – When did Slylock become Miss Manners? Also, sexy nurse alert.

SM – I just can’t get enough of the Oz-like Uncle Ben Heads that keep showing up in the throwaway panels. Given how damn lazy Spidey is being, though, it’s high time Ben made a ghostly appearance in the actual panels to remind him to get off his ass and show some great responsibility!

Edison Lee – is making random, mostly unfunny political jokes again. What exactly did the syndicate see in this strip in the first place? It just started less than a year ago, so it’s not like it’s a long-running strip with a wide fanbase. The art isn’t bad, for the most part, but it’s so blatantly derivative it makes Hong Kong Disney merchandise knockoffs look fresh and inspired, and the writing is so terrible that in the time I’ve been following it (a few months less than its entire run,) it’s been actually funny about twice.
Dingo
July 29th, 2007 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

SS-Brick, come down to Chicago Tuesday night. The Chicago Outdoor Film Festival is showing Written on the Wind, one of those Douglas Sirk movies of the 50s with a heterosexual Rock Hudson. John and I will be there with chairs. It’s in Grant Park at sunset and draws a good crowd. Last week’s Double Indemnity had about 1,500 to 2,000 people. Hmm… any other curmudgeonistas in Chicago going out to the movie?

Oh, and I’ve already submitted my entry in WLIT’s contest to win a trip to Austria.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 29th, 2007 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

#8, Dingo,
Is that a nice oaky merlot?

I’ve recently found out that one of the cartoonists who does Six Chix is a Ms Margaret Shulock. This same Margaret Shulock also happens to be the writer on A3G. Being a humor cartoonist, that rather increases the odds that Margo’s epic self-centredness is a goof on the reader. Hope I didn’t ruin it for anyone.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
July 29th, 2007 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

Re #6 — Maybe I should have said “Fred Schneider”, but he’s perhaps not quite a household name for everyone. (He’s the male singer in the B-52’s.) And no, I don’t know what a “caffeine party” is.

I always thought it would be funny to have Fred Schneider cover a Leonard Cohen song.
Jordan
July 29th, 2007 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

The Perfesser is a fishhawk, right?

Isn’t this like being emotionally distraught over a meatloaf? So distraught over a meatloaf that you weep uncontrollably, speak gravely of your meatloaf’s last will and testament, and then get offered a three-hour drinking binge to deal with the pain?

Why did you have to stop writing this strip just because you died, Jeff McNelly? What kind of Plugger are you?
Paul
July 29th, 2007 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

My God, Roz’s suggestive body language hints that she’s proposing some sort of a progressively crazy sex marathon with Cosmo.

Cosmo’s oddly emotionless expression gives indication that this isn’t the first, or even tenth, time this has happened.
Poteet
July 29th, 2007 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

DT — I think the DT writers should give up trying to explain this plot or pretend that it makes any sense. Just get it over with ASAP and get us back to some characters with decent (meaning “batshit insane”) costumes. And don’t be so quick to throw them down smokestacks this time. Not that I’m bitter.
NotThatGuy
July 29th, 2007 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

Thanks for explicating Funky Winkerbean. Because I don’t read the strip, and were I not reading the comments here, I’d have no idea why Batiuk used an entire Sunday strip to show some guy bumming about his electric bill.
Poteet
July 29th, 2007 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

Faithful reader Dan is definitely a looker:-). But is it just me, or is that Mongolian pasture really overgrazed? If it were an Iowa pasture, the answer would be “of course,” but I dunno about Mongolia. Never mind, ignore my muttering, I have a thing about pastures.
NotThatGuy
July 29th, 2007 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

Oh, and Dan? You rock. Or maybe ride. (And thanks for visual proof that Dawn is not only riding a tiny Mongolian horse, but her bowl-like saddle is authentically Mongolian as well. Who knew?)
Tracer Bullet
July 29th, 2007 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

I believe it was Ghengis Khan who said, “There are three good things in life: To crush your enemy. To drive him before you. To hear the lamentations of his women and children.” Or was that Mary Worth? I so often get the two confused.
Poteet
July 29th, 2007 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

Pope Josh, after reading your eloquent musing about Gilmore in SHOE, I have a sudden overpowering desire to have you write my obituary. Not in the near future, of course.
naugahyde
July 29th, 2007 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

WOO HOO!
We have an impending Aunt Fritzie and Nancy go to the beach storyline! My unrequited Fritzie lust is about to go to level orange.
Mibbitmaker
July 29th, 2007 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

#10 (commodorejohn) FOOB: That’s an Alfred Hitchcock movie if ever there was one!
Major Hooples Boarding House
July 29th, 2007 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

Dick Tracy

Congratulations Baron, you’ve found Leonid Brezhnev’s stash. Too bad you’re 25 years too late…
left of the pyle
July 29th, 2007 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

Monday’s FW panel 1 took me a second to figure out. “Who the hell are these 3 guys and why is Bull’s fiancee/wife telling them to get out? And what the hell does this have to do with the active plotlines? Hmm. That one guy kinda looks like Kramer.
Weasel Boy
July 29th, 2007 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

Judging from Darrin’s unchanging, heavy-lidded expression, he’s decided to take the edge off meeting his birth mother by taking a fistful of Xanax.
Major Hooples Boarding House
July 29th, 2007 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

3G

Where? Tommie, Margo asked you to stick them in water!

Remember in the white room, there’s a white thing with the handle that’s always filled with water? Stick the flowers in there!
Mibbitmaker
July 29th, 2007 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

Monday (Punday?):

FW: I do not like the look on girlfriend’s face. The jerk just drove by on Sunday. Really, girlfriend is pissed?? This does not bode well. And, by the way, Batty-ick, “Seinfeld” was actually funny!

FOOB: “Wasted”? Odd choice of words there. Shouldn’t Johnny boy there be unhappy if he thought what that usually means? Anyway, cute joke. But, Johnny boy, the hip unshaven look doesn’t work on you.
Hysterical Woman
July 29th, 2007 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

After the Perfesser drinks, he’s going to go pray at the gravesite, if you know what I mean.
Kaiser
July 29th, 2007 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

#20, Tracer Bullet –

but what if my enemy is the daily crossword? I can’t very well drive that before me, and I don’t think it has any women.

luckily my enemy is not the daily crossword, however.

MW: my god! how hilariously bad! in the first couple frames it seems that Dawn and Drew very well could be in Mongolia. oh, I wish they were.
but the best part is that voyeuristic mourning-dove-ish bird in the last panel. I’m hoping that it attacks the couple, enraged by their ugliness and awkward embraces.
Steve S
July 29th, 2007 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

Roz neglects to tell the Perfesser about the hours after 7 on the happy/happier/happiest drinking system:
7 to 8 is descending gloom hour
8 to 9 is belligerent with friends hour
9 to 10 is black silence hour
10 to 11 is uncontrollable weeping hour
11 to 12 is suicide hour
Kurdt
July 29th, 2007 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

Wow, that third panel in Shoe has got to be the most depressing drawing I’ve ever seen. The lame joke it contains doesn’t help matters either.
It’s a good thing they didn’t have a dog or Cosmo would have basted himself and took a nap in the oven!
As it stands hes going to do what all birds do when faced with death: Get hammered. Really hammered. And then wake up next to this: http://www.javajane.co.uk/animal/birds/ugly_bird.jpg
bats :[
July 30th, 2007 at 12:01 am [Reply]

I look at Dawn and Drew.
And then I look at Dean Booth’s interpretation.
And then I look at Dan on an itsy bitsy pony.
And then I turn into Captain Kirk:
“Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnn!!!”
HUPPLETHWAITE SPOYLEDD
July 30th, 2007 at 12:07 am [Reply]

NOW! SEE! HERE!!!

WHEN I DEMANDED JUSTICE FOR ROGER AND HUGH, I MEANT JUSTICE. I WANT THAT … THAT WOMAN IN CHAINS, AND I WANT IT WITH SOME DISPATCH. HOW MANY MORE VICTIMS WILL WE LET THAT DAMNABLE BLACK WIDOW CONSUME? SHE HAS WIPED OUT HER HUSBAND’S LINE, ROOT AND BRANCH. WHO’S NEXT? THE PRICES? GOD FORBID, THE SPOYLEDDS? OH, THE HUMANITY!

A FILTHY AMERICAN DOMESTIC IS RUNNING THE SLAUGHTERED RIGHTFUL HEIR HUGH’S FATHER’S COMPANY AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS SIT ABOUT CRACKING JOKES AND SAYING, WHAT A PITY?

HEATHER, JUNE, SOPHIE, SAM, CEDRIC AND THE WHOLE MOTLEY CREW MUST BE STOPPED, AND AT ONCE.

YOU HAVE NOT HEARD THE LAST OF THIS! THAT, I PROMISE YOU.

HUPPLETHWAITE SPOYLEDD IX
WASTREL HEIRS FOR JUSTICE
commodorejohn
July 30th, 2007 at 12:16 am [Reply]

#23 Mibbitmaker – Indeedy. That or Stanley Kubrick.
True Fable
July 30th, 2007 at 12:25 am [Reply]

RMMD Thank God! and I mean that, nobody can rile up June better than Hugh. I was going to miss him. Now get in there and piss her off good, Hugh!
…wait…according to June in panel one, this must mean Hugh is a nobody after all. ZING!
MW I cannot wait to see what Dean Booth does to Monday’s MW. Check out the Yoga pose Dawn’s got in panel one. What’s her mantra? “Lame…lame…lame…”
MT Waugh! I’d scrunched down my head too, if I was told I need to be bait for a pissed off old buzzard with a rifle. Suddenly, Mark’s not such a hot stud after all, is he Sam? Huh? Big hero, feh.
JP Sam, while it’s admirable that you’ve taken the Computer Wore Tennis Shoes on a field trip, you really need to ask yourself: “What is my red-hot redhead doing right now in the City of Love? And does she have a smooth slick SuperButler helping her turn back her sheets? Is she modeling some sexy lingerie for him?” No, you’re worrying about consultants for a winery, you fucking moron.
H&L Hi ramps up the hate and resentment.
Poteet
July 30th, 2007 at 12:27 am [Reply]

7/30

FW — I know I’m gonna be sorry I asked, but who the (Margo) are those people in the first panel? And why aren’t they smirking?

MT — The third panel is one of the best MT panels EVER. It’s like Sam suddenly turned into a tiny nervous no-neck Tinkerbell to Mark’s ginormous Peter Pan. I suppose this entire plotline could be Mark’s demented nocturnal fantasy. Eewww.
Plus a constant
July 30th, 2007 at 12:33 am [Reply]

When I was a kid, I used to read the Sunday funnies and wish that everyone in Funky Winkerbean would get cancer. It’s probably just a coincidence, but it’s nice. I am a little disappointed that they didn’t go with my preference for “ass cancer,” though.
Dingo
July 30th, 2007 at 12:34 am [Reply]

For those Gail Martin fans of a certain age, you might want to look at the following photo, unretouched, from TMZ:

Grace Slick and Michelle Phillips

That tapping on the back of your leg, Grace? It’s not a grandchild hitting your knee; it’s your ass.
True Fable
July 30th, 2007 at 12:50 am [Reply]

GA Good Wing Sauce, that is one Creepy, Vindictive, Vicious, Hatefilled Pus of a man in the last panel. At least Margo Magee has great gams and impressive front artillery. Slim is just…gahh!… FUGLY.
FW Tom, do not attempt to adjust your t.v. again. You can’t draw Seinfeld worth shit. If a joke can’t work on its own, don’t try to use a show that’s been off the air for longer than this dreary storyline of yours, to make it work.
FBoFW I don’t blame John for not shaving before he goes to pick up his Spawn & the Spawnettes. And Ellie actually parted with $50 for the telethon? Wow, she must have been moved. She won’t go to personally support her daughter so she’ll throw money at the cause.

So John and Ellie think nothing of their 16 year old daughter out with her friends at a shopping mall at 4 in the morning without a ride home? Oh, oh oh… John was going to pick them up, I see. Well, in that case, Johnny boy, lose the grumble cloud overhead; they could have run into someone bad for them. Sure, baby, I’ll give you a ride home. Pass that blunt over here, okay? Oh, you’ve never seen one of these? …. you’re from the suburbs, aren’t you? No, no…just asking. >:-)
Sadly, she’d STILL be better off than with her father, a man who wants his older daughter to marry a man who keeps his child in a basement playhouse with ta chain length FENCE in it. Brrrr!
FC & Luann Vacation time! Time to drag out old strips and run them! Only not Luann, sheesh… I never read her early strips because she was SO. DAMN. HOMELY.
C-shaft LOL, I had a Passbook Account when I was a youngster!
….
Christ, I suddenly feel so OLD.
9CL SEX! You mean SEX, dammit, you became a priest and a nun, that doesn’t mean you were born that way. Geez! I’d have been hitting that right now if I’d renownced my vows for it.
Do I have to teach you kids EVERYTHING?!?
A3G Psst! Chickweed Lane! Take a look at Margo here. He wants to have dinner tomorrow night, but Our Gal is heading over there Right Now! There’s a real go-getter for you! Too lazy to check on her roommate so that the girl nearly dies of CM poisoning, but Margo’s ready to roll at the first hint of a pair of pants in town.
True Fable
July 30th, 2007 at 12:55 am [Reply]

# 39 Oh Dingo… noooo…. I have made a conscious effort NOT to look at current Grace Slick photos in order to keep her hot young grungy self fresh in my mind for all eternity.
Now that the blinders are off, she and the formerly Hot Blonde from the Mamas and the Papas are… damn, they are not in a good way.
Well, they’d not recognize me these days either I suppose.

Oh, it’s not your fault, Dingo. The trouble with burying my head in the sand is that I can’t see what’s sneaking up behind me, and that could spell trouble. :-)
D.K.S.
July 30th, 2007 at 12:59 am [Reply]

Re. #36 — I’d like to second that “Thank God.” My only fear now is that the explosion has somehow en-nicened him and he’ll never complain about the wine, the food, or the interior decorating ever again.
BOXCAR!children
July 30th, 2007 at 12:59 am [Reply]

37 – Poteet – the people in the first panel of FW are Jerry, Elaine, George and Kramer from “Seinfeld.” Goodness knows why. I will leave those of us who are better equipped with the snarkage to speculate.

Though perhaps Seinfeld will do a special monologue. (”What do you think about this adoption business? You SEARCH for your birth mother, then you find out she has inoperable CANcer!”)
CrabbyGenes
July 30th, 2007 at 1:00 am [Reply]

#37, Poteet. Once again across the miles, we are on the same wave-length.

After quitting FW for at least three or four weeks, I started reading it again (sometimes, I mean) since it was clear, from Mudgie comments, that recent strips are about Darin and not Lisa’s cancer treatments.

So I just went to the Chron to read it. And I had the same question you did. And I came here to ask the question. And there it is, already asked by you!

At this writing no one has answered it, but there is a hint in TrueFable’s #40. Is that a scene from the sitcom Seinfeld? And if so, how the margo are those of us who never followed Seinfeld supposed to know what it means??!!

I hate you Batiuk. And back to ignoring your strip.

PS Poteet, are you still up??
Spiny Norman
July 30th, 2007 at 1:01 am [Reply]

#39 Dingo: Yeah, it’s pretty creepy seeing them looking their age. But, then again, they have a hell of a youth to look back on. When I’m 67, I’ll probably be sitting around boring my grandkids with stories of Our Family’s First Microwave and That Time the Swimming Pool Was Full of Mating Frogs.

Actually, now that I think about it, the frogs make for a pretty good story. But not as good as a career in rock.
Spiny Norman
July 30th, 2007 at 1:03 am [Reply]

While I’m thinking about being old, I may as well sign up for the Home for Old Snarkers. I can be in charge of making margaritas for when we sit on the lawn trading snark.

As long as no one snarks my margaritas.
CrabbyGenes
July 30th, 2007 at 1:03 am [Reply]

About #43 and #44. Ah, ANSWERED FOR CERTAIN! Thank you, BOXCARchildren!

Are you a lurker most of the time? Don’t recall your moniker around these parts before now!

And again to sister Poteet: if you’re still up, please post! (otherwise, talk to you tomorrow!) –love, CrabbyGenes
AppleGirl
July 30th, 2007 at 1:09 am [Reply]

FBOFW – Saddest, sorriest shopping mall EVAH. Can’t you just tell that it’s got a JC Penny, Burlington Coat Factory and a Wal-Mart? And not a single decent shoe store.

RMMD – Hugh’s alive! Whoo-hoo! Shaken not stirred! And his necktie was ripped in the explosion.

39 – Dingo – Don’t be mean! Dearest Gracie and dearest Michelle. Those girls are doing fine. We all looked better when we were 25.
True Fable
July 30th, 2007 at 1:13 am [Reply]

When you add up Sam’s Ginormous Breasts + Ginormous Eyes + lack of neck in the 78/30/07 strip, you wind up with = a very odd looking female human type person. Elrod’s just trying to backtrack so we won’t wonder what the hell is Mark’s problem when he returns to LoFo without fucking Sam first. Oh, they won’t want Mark to do a misshapen freak!

Hey, Elrod… the area below the waist still looks normal to me. Oh right, now Tuesday he’s going to pull a Dawn Weston and carve out a substantial amount of Sam’s bikini region. Elrod, you dick you.
Mel
July 30th, 2007 at 1:16 am [Reply]

31 Steve S — you reminded me of one of my favorite comedy bits from Larry Miller, “The 5 Stages of Drinking”

http://larrymillerhumor.com/media/

39 Dingo –and who knew the role of Grace Slick is now being played by Anthony Hopkins?
NotThatGuy
July 30th, 2007 at 1:17 am [Reply]

Hugh was wearing an Explosive-Safety necktie: it took the brunt of the concussion, which is why it is slightly askew and Hugh is still alive!!!!!1!
AppleGirl
July 30th, 2007 at 1:19 am [Reply]

44 – FW – CrabbyGenes – Even though I recognized them as Seinfeld TV characters from the 90s, I still don’t know why they are in the first panel of FW. It’s very odd. Like the writer Batuik knows he can’t write a good joke, so he’s just gonna show a funny scene from Seinfeld instead?
True Fable
July 30th, 2007 at 1:21 am [Reply]

#46 Spiny Norman – I wouldn’t dream of snarking a Margarita! Make mine covered in limes, and put them in a salt-rimmed I.V. so it can just go directly into my system. I’ll be forever preserved, happy as hell and never freeze in the winter.

#52 AppleGirl – Only Julia Louis-Dreyfus can perfectly execute the “Shut Up!” catchphrase, and it just doesn’t translate well in print and especially, not in a comic strip.

Damn it, Batiuk; if you’re going to steal, steal home.
Mel
July 30th, 2007 at 1:21 am [Reply]

Obviously Hugh feels dying would be pedestrian.
True Fable
July 30th, 2007 at 1:24 am [Reply]

So did Pete die in RMMD? Who started the car?

…oh no! Eightball! What a way to go, and without screen credit or ANYTHING!
Poteet
July 30th, 2007 at 1:27 am [Reply]

# 47 — Greetings, CrabbyGenes. This is my last post before going to bed. Now we know who the FW people are. Thank you, BOXCARchildren and Sir Fable MTK. I don’t understand why the strip is showing SEINFELD or why Jess looks so hostile, but one mystery solved will do for now, I guess.

# 48 — I agree, AppleGirl. To me, Grace and Michelle look pretty good, considering. When I was younger I wanted to look like a combination of Diana Rigg and Michelle Phillips, with a little Angharad Rees thrown in. Now I’d happily settle for staying upright and semi-sane for a few more decades:-). G’night, all.
AppleGirl
July 30th, 2007 at 1:31 am [Reply]

55 – True Fable, I think you nailed it. It had to be Eightball. Offscreen, he must’ve escaped from jaily and made the unfortunate mistake of choosing Heather’s car for his getaway. Oh, Eightball… of all the cars in all the towns in all the world… and you gotta hotwire this one.
Mibbitmaker
July 30th, 2007 at 1:33 am [Reply]

Mon Moreday… I mean, More Monday:

A3G: Gee, Margo looks less self-centered here than on Sunday’s version. No fair!

Archie: Tex Avery literally ghost-wrote this one.

GA: You know only someone as evil and dimwitted as Slim could come up with a pun like that.

GT: Personal attacks? You might think she was Bill Clinton or George W. Bush instead of Gail Martin.

MT: Two words, Sam: You’re expendable!

Big Dog: Aw, but he’s actually really good at it.

MW: Uh-oh, Mary’s doing her Lt. Columbo bit again! You’re screwed, 1920s flapper-girl-head.

RMMD: Excellent cheesey character is saved! Hugh, you’re Superman!

To be fair to Batty-ick (If only he’d be fair to us!), I’m surprised at how many here and at the FOOBverse LJ didn’t get the Seinfeld reference after looking long at it. I think he just used a very familiar pop culture icon to make a (clumsy) analogy to the information surprise when “Elane” does that. Now, if the caricatures had only been better….
Ron Hogan
July 30th, 2007 at 1:34 am [Reply]

My greatest hope for Mary Worth is that the miniature horses signify that a grand buzkashi tournament is about to take place on the Charterstone lawn. Preferably with the carcass of Aldo, if a suitable goat cannot be found.
Spiny Norman
July 30th, 2007 at 1:35 am [Reply]

#56 Poteet: I believe the reason the Seinfeld characters are being used is that when Elaine didn’t believe something, instead of saying, “You’re kidding me!” she’d yell, “Get OUT!” and shove the speaker. I believe this is meant to convey Jess’s general sense of disbelief.

Slylock Fox: God, I’m so disappointed to see the solution. I was hoping he was going to use that giant rat as a stopper.
AppleGirl
July 30th, 2007 at 1:37 am [Reply]

Batuik, you know you want me, but the AppleGirl isn’t for you. Even plying me with old Seinfeld reruns ain’t gonna do it. Your cancercancer bony fingers will never touch my…

Oh, dang. I just don’t have the knack of talking dirty to cartoonists like True Fable does.
BOXCAR!children
July 30th, 2007 at 1:37 am [Reply]

@ #47 – Hi CrabbyGenes! Yes, I have mostly been a lurker up to this point. But I’ve made a handful of comments within the past two months.

Oh, and if I may, I shall make two more general observations about FW:

1) A month ago, the Moores hired Darin to do some landscaping for their yard. Does that mean that, technically, Darin has “trimmed his mother’s hedge”?

2) As for the health problems of the characters, I’m reminded of a M*A*S*H episode that featured one of Klinger’s many attempts at an Army discharge. He had sent Colonel Blake a list of alleged ailments in his family (i.e. father dying, sister pregnant, etc). Blake started reading them off, becoming more exasperated, and finally said, “Now here’s a good one. ‘Half the family dying, the other half pregnant.’”

In other words…Funkytown in a nutshell.
ElSanto
July 30th, 2007 at 1:41 am [Reply]

Rex Morgan – I’m calling it: Hugh set up his own explosion to set up a pity three-way. To which I say: Bravo, man. Bravo.
Mel
July 30th, 2007 at 1:46 am [Reply]

63 ElSanto – Can an Englishman — technically speaking — be a “Lucky Pierre?”
Sandiera
July 30th, 2007 at 1:48 am [Reply]

Another several weeks passed in today’s Mary Worth strip… at this rate they might catch up to this decade!
AppleGirl
July 30th, 2007 at 1:49 am [Reply]

54 & 63 – Mel and ElSanto – You guys are hilarious!
True Fable
July 30th, 2007 at 1:50 am [Reply]

#56 Poteet, my Queen! I always wanted to look like Cary Grant, but I’ll be grateful if I don’t wind up looking more like Harry Carey.

#59 Ron Hogan – May I suggest this goat?

#61 Apple Girl – It’s a gift. Or a curse, I’m not sure which. :-) But keep trying, together we could bring down their diabolical scheme to depress and insult the world.

APPLE GIRL! and TRUE FABLE! Fighting for Truth, Justice, and American Comic Strip Humor! And large denominations, those are good too!
StrangeRover
July 30th, 2007 at 1:52 am [Reply]

MW: Well here’s what all that “studying” Dawn has been doing really is. She and Drew have been working on their very own
Podcast !
And it’s NSFW.
Skulking on the Outskirts
July 30th, 2007 at 1:55 am [Reply]

BOXCAR!children: You have just got to pop in more often, if you can deliver snark like that.

You had me going ewwwwwww! with that “trimming his mother’s hedge” remark. :D
Christopher
July 30th, 2007 at 1:59 am [Reply]

Honestly, Shoe actually OFFENDS me today.

I don’t know, something about the generic punchline; let’s face it, this anemic, witless punchline could’ve had basically any lead-in and still made sense, and yet they chose to lead in with grief and unfathomable sadness.

It’s like… they wanted to cheapen the concept of grief as much as they possibly could, and, to be honest, it offends me more then anything in Funky Winkerbean or FOOB, both of which are at least trying to take things seriously.
StrangeRover
July 30th, 2007 at 1:59 am [Reply]

Oh, by the way – in Monday’s Gil Thorpe:
AAAAAHHHH! It’s the CLAW!!
True Fable
July 30th, 2007 at 2:00 am [Reply]

Dean Booth, this is a gem. I can’t believe I missed the target, damn! But now she knows…. and her fear and trepidation will grow as far and wide as Ellie’s potato nose. Mwahaha!

You, sir, are a God.
True Fable
July 30th, 2007 at 2:04 am [Reply]

#69 Skulking on the Outskirts: I agree, Boxcar!children has a natural aptitude for down & dirty snark. Which, considering the hedge remark, is as apropo as one can get.

More Boxcar!children, mule!
True Fable
July 30th, 2007 at 2:05 am [Reply]

#71 StrangeRover – Holy MARGO, that is Creature Feature territory!
Mel
July 30th, 2007 at 2:06 am [Reply]

Thanks, AppleGirl, can’t speak for ElSanto, but for me, the gutter is the only place to be at 3AM…and usually at 3PM…and all day Thursdays.
StrangeRover
July 30th, 2007 at 2:07 am [Reply]

FOOB:(Monday)
What does “wasted” mean in Canadian?

“Thanks for picking us up after the concert, Dad – we did too much ‘blow’ [sang songs writen by a moralizing old biddy] and now we’re ‘wasted’ [in need of a ride/stupid].
Gerald was really ‘nice’ [roadside]. ”

Shit, I realy don’t parlez vous Canadian!
Mel
July 30th, 2007 at 2:12 am [Reply]

71 — GT
They mailed Gail Martin a pair of amputated fingers?! Gah!
Big Sims
July 30th, 2007 at 2:14 am [Reply]

Batuik, I hate you.

I had a whole rant in my head about how Seinfeld pulled his show BEFORE IT GOT STALE and how offended I was that he used one of my favorite shows to prop up his lame-ass “comic” but I don’t have the energy to write it out.

But if he references PG Wodehouse or Slick Rick… well Batuik, you’ve been warned.
Shii
July 30th, 2007 at 2:14 am [Reply]

FBoFW

Excuse me, people? “I’m always awake at 4AM”? I think he might be slowly going insane…?
Mel
July 30th, 2007 at 2:15 am [Reply]

Personal attack indeed. Is she supposed to molest herself with those things?
True Fable
July 30th, 2007 at 2:24 am [Reply]

#79 Shii – think John’s trying to tell us that he is a Nite Owl snarker? Naw, wait. Lynn writes this mess. Besides, if he wants some rest, let him take a nap instead of playing with his trains.
Big Sims
July 30th, 2007 at 2:26 am [Reply]

#38 Plus a Constant
Hilarious and much better put than my sputtering vitriol.
nsr
July 30th, 2007 at 2:32 am [Reply]

Actually, it sounds like Roz is suggesting the Perfessor take refuge in the deliberate nonsense of getting hammered.
Big Sims
July 30th, 2007 at 2:47 am [Reply]

I think Batuik has drained my snark. I got nothing here people.
Shoe is worthless and depressing, Mary Worth just lame, FOOB is too easy.
But Margo, oh sweet mean lady, let me be your Hat Man, I could watch you boss Tommie around all week!
True Fable
July 30th, 2007 at 2:56 am [Reply]

Two more days until the new FBoFW character letters. I am busy with my whetstone, sharpening my snark for what will surely be a fooblicious set of stupidity. whatcha want to bet that:

Elly will mention something that sounds like it will take a week or more to tell in the strip, but only actually takes one day. If her idea of sex is anything like that, then no wonder John plays with trains. It’s the most tunnel action he’ll see. Look at the big buildup that was made over April’s angry silence and troubling argument. Part of that was in Mike’s letter but he’s a terrible writer and Elly’s his editor/pimp anyway.

Elizabeth will wax eloquent about the marvels of Angstony, when she was dead set against this dead end only a couple of months ago. It’s true love via lobotomy.

Apes might prattle on ’bout how her gang wuz wasted after their triumphant gig an’ how much fun it was, an’ a big record producer said he wanted to record her just as soon as his trial is over.

Robin will have new artwork up, disturbingly all brown. Dee’s might end suddenly with red splotches and gunpowder residue, with a quick note about funeral plans in a hasty hand-scribbled note from Elly explaining “Dee was defending the house from…burglers! That’s it, burglers, and although nothing was stolen and there was no sign of forced entry and no strangers were seen in the neighborhood, Dee went out noblely, protecting her family just like Farley! And the powder residue on her hand means nothing! NOthing! We’re ALL HAPPY HERE!”

Mike will talk on and on and on about minute little details of his life. Fine, fine – chirp all you want about the glories of the sunset or how you imagine fatherhood is like since you sure don’t want to actually experience any of it. Just DON’T put any of your Sinbad the Cabin Boy excerpts in it. It’s hard enough to make it through your shit without it.
CrabbyGenes
July 30th, 2007 at 3:00 am [Reply]

#79 Shii. I think John is trying to make a joke by being a little sarcastic in the way parents often are.

It’s not a very considerate joke though. If I made it to my teenage daughter under similar circumstances, she would think I was a bit put out, and trying to make her feel guilty for getting me out of bed.
CrabbyGenes
July 30th, 2007 at 3:03 am [Reply]

#85 True Fable. Gee, I’ve been looking forward to the Sinbad the Cabin Boy excerpts. They’re the greatest snark material in the letters!
SecretMargo
July 30th, 2007 at 3:08 am [Reply]

A3G: Ya gotta love the wacky historical revisionism that goes on when Sunday is translated to Monday: no “tomorrow,” Tommie’s single cogent line of the month (WHERE!?) cruelly excised, all to make a certain brunette look less addled at the prospect of primed and ready Eric Ass. Does Margo have the writers in her quaking thrall as well?

GT: That’s it. This is the storyline that will make me finally say it out loud: I love Gil Thorp. I don’t even know where the irony ends and the genuine excitement at the prospect of Kaz hunting down Gail Martin’s stalker begins anymore. This place has broken me.

FBoFW: The apocalyptic undertones are getting more pronounced: first, there’s the deeply disturbing “I’m always awake at 4am,” accompanied by John’s wide-eyed, starkly suicidal stare straight into the yawning abyss of his life, and then April’s chirpy “There is no tomorrow!” — I initially mistook the black cloud rising in the next panel for the first nuclear blast heralding permanent nuclear winter. Indeed, I’m not yet sure I was wrong.

MW: Is…is Dawn really wearing a shirt decorated with a picture showing a little yellow cat emerging from a purple top hat? I can see why the artists contrived to put the characters into unnatural positions so the full force of the abomination is mitigated by their spastic hand gestures, but it does make one wonder: don’t they know they don’t have to draw such horrifying things in the first place? Of course, Dawn’s hair provides ample proof that the answer is a sad, despairing no.

OBH: I like to think of myself as someone who, you know, gets things, even unfunny or oblique things, but in what way are onion, turnips, and radishes “hole” foods? Onion rings have holes — but the others don’t; they all are root/bulb vegetables that are dug from the ground — but isn’t that kind of stretching both Ruthie and the readers’ grasp of connotation? Am I just missing something obvious?
Brown-eyed Girl
July 30th, 2007 at 3:15 am [Reply]

88. Hole in the ground?
Big Sims
July 30th, 2007 at 3:19 am [Reply]

I thought hole in the ground too… but it’s still a lame joke.
mokin
July 30th, 2007 at 3:20 am [Reply]

What’s nonsensical about the idea of “the more you drink, the happier you feel”? Not only does it make sense, it’s the guiding principle of my life.
AppleGirl
July 30th, 2007 at 3:20 am [Reply]

88 – SecretMargo, I am glad you decifered Dawn’s shirt. On my screen, I could not make out what it was. I was thinking it was a Gail Martin shirt, a shout-out to all of us.
SecretMargo
July 30th, 2007 at 3:48 am [Reply]

89,90: So…that’s it? That’s really the joke? Ruthie … gardens a lot? That’s why she’s so sensitive to the horticultural realities of harvesting root vegetables? I usually rather like OBH; this seems surprisingly tortured to me, though maybe I’m alone in my naïvely high expectations. Well, at least I can sleep now.

92: Oh, AppleGirl, if only it were! Also, the way the little cat (??? overgrown banana slug? corn muffin? The Cheat?) is carefully coloured yellowyellowyellow while the top hat (urn? wishing well? primitive port-o-let?) is indifferently left the same grape juice hue as the background makes me feel like the colourist is making some sort of veiled comment on Dawn’s undoubtedly vast collection of supposedly-cheerful-but-actually-deeply-depressing T-shirts. Next week: a pile of pink-tinged puppies tumbling out of an oversized martini glass? With Cosmo-puppy-ton Bedazzled beneath it?
Brown-eyed Girl
July 30th, 2007 at 4:02 am [Reply]

The Divine O’F and Trotzenbonnie, several threads ago.
I’ve been out of town, so I’m just now reading your comments about Van Morrison’s Brown-eyed Girl. When I was a young teen, I read a magazine article that promised make-up tips for different complections and hair colors. (I was looking for the secret of beauty, of course). Not one of the models had brown eyes! Like you, I love that this song celebrates dark eyes, and like you it always makes me want to dance.
True Fable
July 30th, 2007 at 4:23 am [Reply]

I’m working on a parody and it’s taking some time. When I get it done I will repeat this disclaimer: If Lynn Johnston honestly thinks my artwork is anywhere near as good as hers (even though I’ll stack my writing up to hers any day), then she can get ME a fuckin’ contract with Universal Press Syndicate.
CrabbyGenes
July 30th, 2007 at 4:34 am [Reply]

#94 Brown-Eyed Girl. I wonder if things have changed since then? (I mean since you were a teenager, whenever that was.) Now and then I have glanced at teen-aimed magazines when back in the U.S. (when shopping with my daughters). It’s my general impression that more ethnic types and more varied skin color/eye color combinations are featured these days than before. But I don’t know for sure.

My daughters are half Japanese and half American, and they have brown eyes and brown hair (one of them dark-brown hair, and one of them lighter-brown hair). They have slightly lighter skin than most Japanese, and they rely on Japanese magazine beauty tips for make-up. It’s the other side of the coin over here—there are virtually NO make-up tips for anyone who doesn’t have Japanese coloring!

Last note: I remember a girl in my high school who had blonde hair and beautiful brown eyes. I thought that was a lovely combination. And I remember being happy that Disney’s Belle (Beauty and the Beast) had brown eyes when I first saw the movie.

Yep. Considering who I married, I guess I have a thing for brown eyes too!
The Avocado Avenger
July 30th, 2007 at 4:46 am [Reply]

Stupid Funky Winkerbean. Was the first panel supposed to be funny? I didn’t watch “Seinfeld” much but I think the inflection was “get OUT”, but seeing it as “GET OUT” didn’t ring any bells with me at first. I had to come here to confirm it was the cast of “Seinfeld”.

Shoe: If it was a year ago, I’d say that the strip was some subtle “Gilmore Girls” snark about how the show was a floater, but now, I just don’t know. It kind of makes me sad.

Anyhow, I’m really just here to ask where you guys get your Sunday comics, because I can’t score any and I want to see this phenomenal Mary Worth you’re talking about.
True Fable
July 30th, 2007 at 4:52 am [Reply]

Click me I’m SFW.
True Fable
July 30th, 2007 at 4:54 am [Reply]

Now I have to ink this bad boy. It’s going to be in black and white because I can’t do color well. I had a deprived childhood; I only had an 8-crayon box growing up.

That’s okay, my depraved colorful adulthood more than makes up for it.
CrabbyGenes
July 30th, 2007 at 5:05 am [Reply]

#99 True Fable. Tonight, I hope! It’s early evening on this side of the world and I am intermittently working on a very boring project and checking CC, hoping for entertainment to keep from falling asleep. Rescue me!
CrabbyGenes
July 30th, 2007 at 5:07 am [Reply]

#99 True Fable. Whoops. Thought you said “link to” not “ink.”

Anyway, please know that there’s someone over here waiting to see it!
Trotzenbonnie
July 30th, 2007 at 5:26 am [Reply]

CANCERY CANCERDEATH – The confusion over the identity of the characters in panel 1 resulted from the fact that, in the Seinfeld series, Jerry seldom wore belly shirts and Elaine Benes almost always wore pants.

GIL THORP – Cosmo, calm down. It’s probably just George & Marion getting silly with you again. (Yeah. I’m old and I loved ‘Topper’.)

MW – I thought Dawn was wearing a shirt with a picture of a large order of McD’s fries on it. I better look again.

REX MORGAN – Remote car starters are sure making things tough on goons everywhere. It’s getting so a guy can’t make a decent hit anymore…

PLUGGERS – Cal Ripken Jr is the ultimate Plugger? Now I’m confused.
Trotzenbonnie
July 30th, 2007 at 5:48 am [Reply]

BTW – Is this funny?
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20070730&name=Mallard_Fillmore

I try to stay abreast of all the current political happenings but, I admit, when it comes to investment forecasts & analyses, I’m lost. If Barack Obama is from Chicago, wouldn’t it have been funnier to say ‘hog futures’, alluding to Carl Sandburg’s poem?
CrabbyGenes
July 30th, 2007 at 6:05 am [Reply]

#103 Trotzenbonnie. Ok, I have to ask. Do you suppose Tinsley is familiar with that poem?
Tats
July 30th, 2007 at 6:08 am [Reply]

FBoFW: It seems like another plain old unfunny strip until you realize that Shawna-Marie’s wedding is now a month-long endurance event. Half of the wedding party is either dead or incapacitated, and the other half will be too after watching Liz and Anthony make out for the remainder of their time in Hell.

FW: Wow. Seinfeld reference. Topical. Got any Titanic or Bill Clinton jokes, while we’re here in 1997?

MW: Where there’s young love that has yet to be tempered with seeds of doubt disguised as bland pleasantries, Mary will be there. Where there’s a chance to sabotage the life of someone more youthful and happy than she is, Mary will be there. Where there’s impede the rare happiness of someone with childhood trauma, Mary will there. And where there’s a buzz to be killed, so help her God, Mary WILL BE THERE.

Godspeed, Mary. Godspeed.
Tats
July 30th, 2007 at 6:09 am [Reply]

Aaaand that third sentence is a mess of typos.

*Where she can impede the rare happiness… Mary will be there.
True Fable
July 30th, 2007 at 6:10 am [Reply]

#100 Crabby Genes! I’m scanning it now, babe!
CrabbyGenes
July 30th, 2007 at 6:20 am [Reply]

#107 True Fable. Yay!!

#105 Tats. I laughed out loud at your FW comment!

And a YAY in general because Mudgies are waking up over there! Let me tell you, the comments are few and far between here at night. (though entertaining, those of you who have kept me company!)

Don’t mind me. The rest of my family went to Tokyo for the afternoon and evening (it’s currently 8:20 pm here), and I’m trying to get a project done, like I said before.
Tats
July 30th, 2007 at 6:22 am [Reply]

Aw. Then I hope you’re not as sad as I was when I realized 1997 was already ten years ago.
cantaloupe
July 30th, 2007 at 6:27 am [Reply]

Monday’s RMMD, June has stars right on her titties! Just like Blaze Fury and Candi Barr! “Help me, PUHLEEZE!”
CrabbyGenes
July 30th, 2007 at 6:29 am [Reply]

#109, Tats. Ah, yes. I remember it well!
Trotzenbonnie
July 30th, 2007 at 6:35 am [Reply]

#104 – Cr*bby Genes
You do have a point. I suppose Tinsley is as funny as he is erudite.
And, I’m not really awake – just snarking in my sleep.
Big Sims
July 30th, 2007 at 6:43 am [Reply]

Hi CrabbyGene! Had the night watch last night, same tonight. I’ll be keeping you company provided it’s a slow evening. Off to wade through children and catch a few winks today, back in 12 hours. If I were in LynnCanada I guess I’d be ‘wasted’.
True Fable
July 30th, 2007 at 6:45 am [Reply]

Okay!

Lynn baby! Suck my Pasty White Folks!
stinky pete
July 30th, 2007 at 6:46 am [Reply]

103 Trotz, Hillary Clinton made a bunch of money back in the 70s trading cattle futures. Somehow it was all supposed to be part of the Whitewater business.
CrabbyGenes
July 30th, 2007 at 6:50 am [Reply]

#113 Big Sims. Hiya back! See you then!
Trotzenbonnie
July 30th, 2007 at 6:51 am [Reply]

#114 – True Fable!
I can’t cease and desist from laughing! I love how you snuck ‘M!B!S!’ in there. And you have captured Elly’s crazed gaze perfectly. Bravo!
CrabbyGenes
July 30th, 2007 at 6:54 am [Reply]

#114 True Fable. ALRIGHT!! I’m still laughing. It was worth staying home from Tokyo to be one of the first people to see this!

All of it is FANTASTIC! But I liked the last panel the best!
True Fable
July 30th, 2007 at 6:56 am [Reply]

Yay, you caught the M!B!S!

The scanner didn’t pick up Mike’s reference materials very well – Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, and Glen or Glenda? but I spelled Priscilla wrong anyway.
True Fable
July 30th, 2007 at 6:57 am [Reply]

Thanks, y’all! I’m flattered!
Inspector Dim
July 30th, 2007 at 6:57 am [Reply]

Get Fuzzy – Why would it matter that Rob be home all week? Couldn’t he have just ordered the book from Amazon, like two million other people did?

Cathy – Irving’s family would much rather talk to their internet boyfriends than interact with each other. Aaack!

MW – “I don’t mean to disturb your reverie! But I’m going to. Then I will somehow destroy your happiness.”
Trotzenbonnie
July 30th, 2007 at 6:57 am [Reply]

#155 – stinky pete
Thanks for the deep background. I guess that makes it sort of funny in a sniping, biting, caustic kind of way.
(I’ve tried to withdraw the whole Clinton-era from my memory bank. It brings back frightening images of my husband flanked by the Secret Service after heckling the President on Memorial Day at The Wall.)
CrabbyGenes
July 30th, 2007 at 6:58 am [Reply]

#114 True Fable. I just had to go back and read it again. I can’t QUITE read the titles of the books in the last frame. What are they, please?
True Fable
July 30th, 2007 at 6:59 am [Reply]

#123 Crabby Genes – Priscilla, Queen of the Desert and Glen or Glenda?

Only the best camp for Mikeykins.
Inspector Dim
July 30th, 2007 at 7:00 am [Reply]

True Fable – Awesome!
CrabbyGenes
July 30th, 2007 at 7:00 am [Reply]

my #124, to True Fable. Oh. While I was posting my last comment, you were answering it. Great titles!
True Fable
July 30th, 2007 at 7:02 am [Reply]

And there is a little somethng extra on Dee’s wrist in the second panel. Apparently this is not the first time she’s wigged out.
Blake
July 30th, 2007 at 7:11 am [Reply]

FW: As if it was even possible, Batiuk has hit a new low. Ripping off a catch-phrase from a sitcom that ended in 1998? You’re not even trying anymore. Perhaps you could save yourself even more time and just forgo writing dialogue altogether and replace it with snippets from your favorite TV shows.

I’m guessing that very soon a typical FW will sound like this:

Les: “Dyn-o-MITE!”
Lisa: “What choo talking ’bout Willis?”
Les: “One of these days, Alice…”
Lisa: “Big Bucks, Big Bucks, No whammies, STOP!”
Les: “Don’t be ridickulas! Cousin Larry!”
Lisa: “You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.”
CrabbyGenes
July 30th, 2007 at 7:11 am [Reply]

#127 True Fable. Got it! (Though I missed it the first time.)

What’s the complete title on Merrie’s Miss America type banner? Looks like “Lil’ Ms……”
bubujin
July 30th, 2007 at 7:12 am [Reply]

A belated thanks to Poteet for asking what the “Margo” was up in today’s FW and to BOXCAR!children for the explanation.

Like CrabbyGenes I’ve been too many years in Japan to get the now dated Jerry Seinfield reference. Now, that’s not to say I’m totally out of touch culturally with Jerry Seinfield, but having only watched a scene or two I would have gone to bed completely clueless what FW was all about. Thank God for CC land to explain it to the illiterati.

PS to CrabbyGenes: this is not to imply you are culturally out of touch. Heavens no!
Squawk
July 30th, 2007 at 7:17 am [Reply]

Funky Winkerbean: Taking the “funny” out of the funnies since 1972!
True Fable
July 30th, 2007 at 7:17 am [Reply]

#219 CG – It’s supposed to be Lil ‘Ho but I got spastic, inked in an extra apostrophe for lil’ and ‘ho, and ran out of room.
True Fable
July 30th, 2007 at 7:18 am [Reply]

Whoops! I mean #129. I can see into the future sometimes, but not that accurately!
Red Greenback
July 30th, 2007 at 7:21 am [Reply]

Truman A. Fable- Some strange force not unlike a bat-signal woke me from a sound sleep so I, in a semi-conscious state, was compelled to check out the CC. “Pasty White Folks” is what did it. Bravo!
Lettuce
July 30th, 2007 at 7:22 am [Reply]

FOOB: Passive agressive much? Please oh please oh please let that grumble cloud actually be the thundercloak of Death, marking their fuel-efficient red subcompact for a hilariously pun-filled demise at the business end of a foliage-thick revine.
Tats
July 30th, 2007 at 7:24 am [Reply]

I like how the general gist of the Mary Worth comments this week is that Mary pretty much always intended on making Dawn feel like shit and was going to regardless. We’re all onto Mary’s schemes by now and I think we’d all respect her a bit better if she hadn’t prefaced her chat with Dawn with “I don’t mean to disturb your reverie,” but rather the more truthful “please allow me the next five to ten minutes to destroy your life. Again.”
CrabbyGenes
July 30th, 2007 at 7:26 am [Reply]

#130 bubujin. Oh, but I am! (culturally out of touch) and I don’t mind admitting it. Thank God for my older daughter, who has been watching re-runs or renting all of the 90’s sitcoms during the past four years she’s been in college in the U.S., and getting us to buy the DVD sets. I watched the entire FRIENDS series for the first time in my life in 2003, and most of the EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND series a year or two later. She’s a SEINFELD fan too, but I haven’t seen as many of those. And then there’s FRAISIER reruns, which both my Mom and daughter are into.

A lot of these we can rent here, as I’m sure you know. But I’m not much of a TV watcher unless someone plops me down and says “Watch this now!” So there’s still lots of programs I’ve missed and am missing.
AhClem
July 30th, 2007 at 7:31 am [Reply]

MT – Mark, I have an idea. Why don’t you call 911, ask for the TSA, and tell them there is a man with a gun hiding in the weeds at the end of the runway? Problem solved.

Of course, that would deny us the pleasure of seeing Mark’s flying RHO’J in action, which — be honest — is the only reason we read the damn strip in the first place.
ChefMike
July 30th, 2007 at 7:38 am [Reply]

Crankshaft: I’ve never heard anyone refer to a bank account as a “passbook account” I understand they’re trying to make a joke about these poor dinosaurs who don’t do their banking online or whatever, but I assume most banks still give you a book of deposit slips when you open an account.
The joke probably would have been funnier (for me anyway) if the teller had looked at the passbook jacket and said “What’s this? First Merchant Bank of Westview? I think they were bought up by United Bankcorp, you’re in an UltraBank branch.” My grandmother was a teller at a local bank years ago, and even before she retired I think it changed hands twice. For a few years there was no guarantee that the bank you deposited your money in last week would have the same name a month down the road.
Gabe
July 30th, 2007 at 7:44 am [Reply]

Yesterthread: Major Hoople, sorry. In Bloom County, Milo’s dad was also a Major who ran a boarding house. Weird.

Big Sims: Yeah, I hear you. I was a YN, crossrated to JO, then got consolidated into MC. All us media types go to the same school in Maryland (Bohagers, RIP). I had a PA3 in my print class. Didn’t follow us to Broadcasting, cause you guy apparently don’t do that.

Someone made a Halo reference yesterday in response to Josh, and I have a nitpick. It’s pronounced continually, masterchief. No pause, Halo people!

Um, damn, forgot who. The person that went to school in Millington: The airfield is now civilian and aviation schools are shut down. We’re just boring headquarter commands and Army reserve commands now. Goetsch (sp?) is still there.
Gabe
July 30th, 2007 at 7:44 am [Reply]

Milo’s grandad, sorry.
True Fable
July 30th, 2007 at 7:46 am [Reply]

#139 Chef Mike – My hometown bank had passbook accounts, in which they gave you this little -yeah- Passbook to record your savings deposits in. That’s all it was, a savings account. Of course, this was a knothole of a town so it’s not like they were on the cutting edge of the world of finance to begin with.

When the bank got robbed, the thieves BLEW A HOLE in the side of the building with DYNAMITE, and the town deputy was asleep in front of the bank in his car and never heard a thing. He only woke up when the getaway car sped by and his little dog was going apeshit barking and bouncing all over the interior of the squad car. The ONLY town squad car.

No, it wasn’t Mayberry but it was dismally close.
T. Chicana
July 30th, 2007 at 7:48 am [Reply]

Not sure if someone’s already mentioned this, but…in Foob today: Apes & Eva got wasted at the telethon?! I bet Rebeccah shared her bottle of Southern Comfort with them in Bathroom #2.

And then of course they tell stupid ol’ Mr. Patterfoob…but he’s too preoccupied w/ the trains he had been working on at 4 a.m. to notice.

And then he says, “You guys sang like there was no tomorrow!” Ummm, what? It sounds like HE’s wasted, too.
True Fable
July 30th, 2007 at 7:48 am [Reply]

I either live in or near towns with crappy banks and memorable robberies of such.
Allie Cat
July 30th, 2007 at 7:50 am [Reply]

Foob –

“Well, yes April, I guess we could have been more generous with our money, given that I have a very successful dental practice and all. But you see, we just took a bath selling our house to the prodigal son at a cut rate and buying our new one.”

“Plus, we had to buy your mother all new sheets to shave and some new razors. Can’t be using dull razors on new sheets, you know. Oh, and, well – I needed some new tunnels for my train set. The old ones were OK, I guess, but these are made of Kevlar and gold dust. They really set the whole miniature village off.”

“Also, we have to pinch pennies these days – your sister, who we like better than you, is going to be getting married to Anthony any day now, and you know even though he’s already been married, we’re going to make a huge damn deal about it because he’s the chosen one.”

“And it’s not like your friend Shannon even understands what $50 means – she probably thinks you could buy a car with it.”

“But I guess the real reason we didn’t spend any more on your pet cause is that you were an accident, and honestly, I had kind of hoped your mother would have ‘taken care of it’, but she didn’t, so I’m just making the best of it. Say, when do you leave for college?”
True Fable
July 30th, 2007 at 7:51 am [Reply]

#134 Red Greenback – Who knows what lurks in the subconscious of men? The Fable knows!
smacky
July 30th, 2007 at 7:55 am [Reply]

In Funkytown, even Seinfeld reruns are hostile and depressing.

Seriously, the look on Elaine’s face should be “shocked surprise,” not “Get out of my house, pedo!”
ChefMike
July 30th, 2007 at 8:04 am [Reply]

FOOB: You guys sang like there was no tomorrow was he listening to the same hastily written poorly conceived tub of glurge that we were all subjected to last week? Unless by “no tomorrow” he meant that hearing that nonsense made him want to put a gun to his head and end it all.
jmarkow
July 30th, 2007 at 8:05 am [Reply]

#142- I, too, live in a knothole town, and we still have passbook accounts at the locally owned bank. I can one-up you on your bank robbery, though. Back in the mid-seventies, one of the local kids needed some cash, so he went to the local bank on Main St., smashed the window in the back door (Yes, a window) reached in and turned the lock, entered and stole what he could find: change. He loaded it in a garbage can, and dragged it down the street. Did I mention that this was in February in Michigan? The FBI followed the garbage can tracks through the snow to his front door in the trailer park, and promptly arrested him.
jmarkow
July 30th, 2007 at 8:06 am [Reply]

I know this has come up before, but where is Darby Conley from? I’ve never heard of cuts being called ‘frontsies’ before
Hogen Mogen
July 30th, 2007 at 8:21 am [Reply]

Sunday’s A3G (above): Look at the third panel! It was as if Frank Bolle was about to let a word balloon from Margo pass without an exclamation point! But at the last second, he stuck on in there in the nick of time before syndication! Whew! That was close!
Anonymous
July 30th, 2007 at 8:22 am [Reply]

MT – I’ll get on all fours behind Buzzard, and you push him backwards.

MW – Oh boy, Oh boy – Dr. Just for Men is going to turn out to be a cad who who’ll slide it in any blond ponytail that flits across his path – of course I’m talking about the horse he’s riding.

S4th – Ted, what happened to your halcyon summer days as Hil’s softball coach? I’ll bet the team hasn’t had its panty inspection in weeks.
Hogen Mogen
July 30th, 2007 at 8:35 am [Reply]

#103 – Trotz – the Mallard reference was about something from the Clinton’s past pre-presidency when Hil and Bill did some cattle future trading and found themselves conspicuously $100,000 richer in one day but then never traded cattle futures again. Sudden wealth accumulation in wealth is natural for Republicans, like Dick Cheney, who must have had one of those $100,000 days once per week during the Clinton administration. See, that’s the joke that you were supposed to get.
Hogen Mogen
July 30th, 2007 at 8:37 am [Reply]

Why does today’s A3G look so strangely familiar?
Ginger Yellow
July 30th, 2007 at 8:41 am [Reply]

A3G: I like the way the box of flowers with a transparent lid has “flowers” written on the side. Very useful for people with Nominal aphasia.
Man behind the curtain
July 30th, 2007 at 8:44 am [Reply]

MW — I just read saturday’s strip and I must say that Dawn’s tongue action was almost too much for me to stomach this early in the morning. I’m just glad i wasn’t reading it over Saturday’s breakfast. Today’s dreaming has me wondering if these past weeks of dating have comprised totaslly of just one long horseback ride. haven’t they done anything else over the past weeks for Dawn to dream about? Amd when will they be doing the thing we all dream about.

And it’s obviously vacation time with reruns of Family Circus and “Vintage Luann”. Not to mention BC on permanent vacation.
Edgy DC
July 30th, 2007 at 8:44 am [Reply]

3G Background:

Is the Professor hitting on a 15-year-old? Is Blaze making time with a 12-year-old?
Luftkissen
July 30th, 2007 at 8:48 am [Reply]

Darin is driving; he ought to be looking at the road rather than his adoption papers. That is not to say, however, that it would be entirely unexpected if his negligence were to cause a traffic accident, the ensuing shockwave somehow wiping half of the town from the face of the earth. At this point, an improbably colossal explosion would provide a welcome reprieve from cancer.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 30th, 2007 at 8:50 am [Reply]

7/30

Marvin: One of at least three comics in reruns this week, along with “Luann” and “Family Circus.” This one purports to show how Marvin’s parents decided to start a family. My guess is that their family started with the words, “Aw shit, it just broke!”

Phantom: You can say a lot about the Phantom, but things are moving, at least. Apparently he and the Mori are about to gut them some seagoing mercenaries like trout.

6C: You can’t wait for your doctor to give you permission to get your drink on.

S-M: “Yeah hon, I’d love to spend more time with you, but, um… I have to go back to work. Yeah, they want me back at the studio, that’s it. Fifteen hour shoot tomorrow. Can you believe it?”

MW: Dawn thoughtfully has a memory/fantasy that allows Joe Giella to recycle Friday’s art.

WofI: The post-Brant Parker creator once again tries for political relevance. Or rather, drops in a moldy political buzzword and hopes it sounds relevant. He’s Edison Leeing.

Kudzu: A likable Senor Wences hommage.

Cathy: Why the hell are all Irving’s male relatives bald? Even the kids. Are they from some alien race? Is Irving an advace agent, and Cathy some kind of eathling guinea pig in his cold-eyed experiments? Please say yes.

DtM: Dennis is clearly just trying to score some Xanax off his hophead parents.

FW: Man, the Seinfeld gang looks disheartened. They didn’t really mind going to prison at the end of the show. Being sentenced to Funky-dom, well, that’s a different story.
Hogen Mogen
July 30th, 2007 at 8:52 am [Reply]

Why is there no similarity between the background or outfits from yesterday’s strip to today’s?

But the amazing thing about the Amazing Spider Man is how amazingly bad the story is. A man blessed with superhero strength, speed and powers seriously contemplates using them to apprehend minor traffic offenders. Ha ha. That’s as crazy as taking a chip that can process 1.73 billion bits of information every second and using it to look at comic strips, which could easily be done on paper. Yeah, that’s just crazy.
Wellsey
July 30th, 2007 at 8:54 am [Reply]

Mongolia looks like Colorado, only farther away.

Ahh! The CLAW! Everybody’s favorite songstress, Gail Martin, is the alien queen!
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 30th, 2007 at 8:55 am [Reply]

#150,
If memory serves, Conley is a Tennessee-to-Boston transplant. Maybe it’s a Memphis thing.
Hogen Mogen
July 30th, 2007 at 9:01 am [Reply]

Is that man going to release some birds?

Get on with it already, Buzzard.

Strange how a guy can get that close to the airport wihtout any kind of security surveliance. I was once walking outside the fence of an airport, even pre-9-11, and I attracted the attention of some security guys. You should have seen them freak when I pulled out my rocket launcher, too.
Hogen Mogen
July 30th, 2007 at 9:06 am [Reply]

#150 – JMarkow: You’re right. There is a distinct difference between “cutting” and “frontsies” in the Official Kid Dictionary. “Frontsies”, like “backsies” are of a voluntary nature and can only be granted by the person in line. “Cuts” are taken by the out-of-line person attempting to usurp someone elses rightful position in the line. Although both “frontsies” and “backsies” are highly controversial, particularly with the people behind you in line, “backsies” have been ruled unallowable in most states in the US.
Hogen Mogen
July 30th, 2007 at 9:24 am [Reply]

The Malice Fartmore “confession” that shocked nobody. He bikes or walks all over because the court order prohibits him from driving anywhere but to or from work.

Why – why – why must anyone be subject to Tinsley’s nattering water fowl?
Squid Countess
July 30th, 2007 at 9:26 am [Reply]

#78 Big Sims- Better keep an eye on that three year old of yours. Now he’s dancing to the FBorFW Retardathon song; soon he’ll be staring at newts in glass tanks. (You didn’t say I couldn’t make a Wodehouse reference. Just a couple threads ago, I called True Fable a “perfect dream rabbit,” too. I love me some Wodehouse. I might change my nom de blog to Psquid Countess, now that I think about it.)
Islamorada Girl
July 30th, 2007 at 9:28 am [Reply]

Wow. . . Dan! Nothing quite like a hot guy on horseback. Rrrrrowl!
Foobaphobe
July 30th, 2007 at 9:39 am [Reply]

FOOB: Saturday, July 28th marked the return of “Hoo!” to our beloved strip, though I frankly don’t know “who” uttered the magic word this time. He doesn’t seem to be the famous “Hoo” man but perhaps one of his kin. Is it a sign of the End Times?
Gojira
July 30th, 2007 at 9:40 am [Reply]

7/30 Pluggers: Here’s to 2,632-consecutive-game-playing Ultimate Plugger Cal Ripken, from 2,632-consecutive-game-watching, root-beer-swilling, worthless Plugger couch potato.
stinky pete
July 30th, 2007 at 9:44 am [Reply]

153 HM, was I writing in invisible ink at 115? Officer, I never saw the license plate of the truck that oversnarked me!
Gabe
July 30th, 2007 at 9:47 am [Reply]

168: That was April’s boyfriend, Gerald.
Gabe
July 30th, 2007 at 9:57 am [Reply]

To again reiterate: If anyone has TDIET in their local paper, could someone dig Saturday’s out of the recycling bin for me? I’ll pay S and H, etc.
Squawk
July 30th, 2007 at 10:00 am [Reply]

#165, Tinsley drives less than 5,000 miles a year, but what percentage of that is done sober?
Gojira
July 30th, 2007 at 10:05 am [Reply]

7/30 FOOB: Let me get this straight: Not one family member or family friend escorted 16-year-old April or her friend to an all-night telethon at the mall, no one was checking on them, April has to rouse her father out of bed to get a lift back home at 4 a.m. (they went to sleep with a 16-year-old on the loose?), her parents (a long-established dentist and a retired bookshop-owner) just barely bothered to donate only $50 during their daughter’s performance, no mention of big-book-advance brother or schoolteacher sis donating anything, and John’s the one fuming?
Will
July 30th, 2007 at 10:17 am [Reply]

Anyone notice that the drawings of Margo become wildly inconsistent whenever she’s happy? There are two possible explanations for this:
1. The A3G staffers only got a “b*tchy margo” drawing to emulate, since it was assumed that would be all they’d need. They’re lost whenever she smiles.
2. That smiling person isn’t actually Margo. The person in today’s strip needs the next 24 hours to stock up on polyjuice potion before her big date.
Major Hooples Boarding House
July 30th, 2007 at 10:19 am [Reply]

Family Circus & Luann

RERUNS? Reruns? I came to snark, and they’re doing reruns? Margo, Boxcar, Saturn!
gh
July 30th, 2007 at 10:26 am [Reply]

Yes, yes, I know it’s Monday, and someone may have covered this already, but Sunday’s SlyFox has had me grinding bees since I saw it yesterday morning. I mean, “Why does Slylock Fox suspect Count Weirdly is lying?” Because he’s a fucking liar! He ALWAYS lies. What’s so hard about that? Screw the boxcar bandaged hand, all you need to know is it’s Count Weirdly, the Unremitting Liar. As for today’s little puzzle I was ready to scream “he stuffs Max in the jar head first, okay?” but I see someone has already suggested the rat. Whatever. Honestly, these days I just want the thing over and done with as quickly as possible. Plus I got in to work late this morning and NO ONE had made coffee. How am I supposed to get any snark in before 11 AM if there’s no coffee? I’ve a good mind to stick a note in someone’s personnel file.

Oh, and True Fable, the Pasty White Folks was Truly Fabulous, but when I go back for a second look it freezes up on me. Are you being Lynn-bombed?
Squid Countess
July 30th, 2007 at 10:27 am [Reply]

#114 True Fable – Fantastic! Do more!

#139 ChefMike – Thousands of people have “passbook” accounts here in Knoxville. The average passbook holder wants to keep their money in a bank but doesn’t trust/understand/want to bother with a checking account. Mostly it’s older people, low literacy people, and those whose lives are perpetually in flux (living with a friend, now in a motel, now at a shelter, etc.) I know from my experience as a social worker that the passbook holders always go to the same branch, always to the same one or two tellers, and they become very familiar to them. “Sue at the bank said I sounded bad and should see the doctor,” a client will tell me. Often they take confusing mail or bills to someone in new accounts or loans (someone with a desk) because “the bank lady understands everything.” I’ve taken 5 new nursing home residents back to their bank branches (three different banks) and everyone was greeted with tremendous sighs of relief and “We’re so glad you’re all right. We’ve wondered where you’ve been”, etc. I wonder if this is just a southern thing, or if it happens at bank branches all over the country?

#145 AllieCat “And it’s not like your friend Shannon even understands what $50 means – she probably thinks you could buy a car with it.” Bwahahaha! Too hilarious. We are so going to hell.
Krauthead
July 30th, 2007 at 10:28 am [Reply]

FOOB: Nice how the Fooberson parents let thier 16-year-old daughter stay out all night for a telethon at the mall with no adult supervision. John is too busy playing with his trains, Elly is shaving the sheets and her armpits, Mike is busy writing his lollygagging letter for August, and Liz is now discovering that being with Granthony means that he demands one child for every time they have sex. Not to mention being locked in his basement.

I guess Lynn has finally shoved the foobiverse train wreck into the station and has them all “where they should be”: Mike is living in the house he grew up in (with big $$$ help from other people) right down the street from the ever-watchful mom & dad, Mike’s kids are just old enough to make some manner of coherant expression, John has more space for his trains, Elly has fewer rooms to clean up, Liz is back with Assthony, and Becky recognizes the superior talent and morality of April.

Only one thing remains: the marraige of the pornstache to the lizzardbreath. Count on that as being one of the last un-frozen events in the Foobiverse. Watch for it soon.

Lynn, I hate your guts more than you could possibly know.
AtomicDog
July 30th, 2007 at 10:28 am [Reply]

20 – That quote was Conan The Barbarian, spoken in the first movie.
True Fable
July 30th, 2007 at 10:32 am [Reply]

#166 Squid Countess – I left everyone a present back at #114, doll. An early morning inspiration of snarkitude.
True Fable
July 30th, 2007 at 10:33 am [Reply]

oh, you saw! cools!
Biiirdmaaan!
July 30th, 2007 at 10:33 am [Reply]

Pluggers: Poor Cal, he tirelessly works for the game he loves only to be disrespected by being called a Plugger.
Tweeks_Coffee
July 30th, 2007 at 10:36 am [Reply]

7/30

A3G: Why has Margo looked so dang sickly these past couple days? She looked like an anorexic Joker on Sunday and now she just looks like she’s anorexic with a case of The Mumps.

DS: One of my favorite things in recent memory is now the labels on Indie Rock Pete’s boxes. The “Books to pick up girls” one is particularly amusing.

FW: Like many others today, I was utterly dumbfounded by this timely Seinfeld reference. I had to look at that for a bit to even figure out what it was supposed to be. The fact that “Elaine” somewhat resembles Lisa certainly didn’t make it any easier for me to figure out.

GF: Second favorite thing of today; Satchel’s deductive expression in the second panel.

(DT)GT: You know, Gail, mail is generally actually sent out a couple days before you receive it. What exactly is the lout in jail for anyway? Sure, I guess that could be harassment or something, but hardly seems like a case that would be brought before a judge.

H&J: Herb & Jamaal operate a filthy, filthy diner.

PBS: Oh sure, now they claim that they had other wives and they’re not “partners”.

Pluggers: Uhm….what?
ElSanto
July 30th, 2007 at 10:39 am [Reply]

#66 AppleGirl & #64, #75 Mel — Hugh is a love machine and you know it. :) Yes, the gutter is getting crowded.

Today’s FOOB: Non-Snark — I suppose this is a question to the Canucks (Ontario-located) on the board. Does the school year extend into the summer up there? I know it does in some states, but in general summer is for vacation. However, for the last couple of weeks, we’ve seen April engaging in school-type activities. This wouldn’t bug me if the strip wasn’t more or less in real time. I’ve give Lynn the benefit of the doubt if you can debunk it, though.

Today’s FOOB: Snark — How much do you want to bet that John is awake at 4 am playing with his trains? And isn’t that one of the top five symptoms that someone might be a serial killer? Or at least that John may one day make the following headline: “LOCAL MAN DIES OF STARVATION AFTER SEVERAL DAYS OF PLAYING WITH TRAINS.” It will only be marginally sadder than that story of the video gamer who died of similar circumstances.

FW — OK, I would have never gotten that Seinfeld panel if someone on this comment thread did not point it out in the first place. So unfamiliar am I with the Funkyverse that I thought they were some of the strip’s characters in perhaps a domestic abuse angle.
True Fable
July 30th, 2007 at 10:40 am [Reply]

I’m torn between making another Pasty White Folks, or whether something else, like Fists O’ Justice might need my questionable treatment. That might be a NSFW one though; you know how I’ve ranted about Mark’s inaction. I dunno.

It would help if I had a ‘muse’, huh?
commodorejohn
July 30th, 2007 at 10:42 am [Reply]

Archie – Ever daring, the ALGJU3K tackles the tough issue of species segregation.

BB – Beetle Bailey is in the woods not making sense again. No gnomes, though.

Crankshaft – This is ripping off something I read somewhere, but I forget what.

Crock – *head asplode*

Curtis – Yes.

DT – I cannot get enough of the Baron’s ridiculously birdlike mug. He makes Krankor from Prince Of Space look normal.

FC – Translation: “Please enjoy these reruns as the Keanes kick back and sip martinis on the golf course.”

FOOB – Elly pledged $50, which to Johnston is an amazing feat of self~~-righteousness~~lessness. To any real-world parent, however, that’s run-of-the-mill daily-grind stuff, like buying that horrible fundraiser candy your child’s class is selling or peeling pee-stained pants off their legs with your bare hands when they’re still in the bedwetting stage. We get it, Lynn, Elly is, and by extension you are, an amazing, wonderful, wise, insightful parent. But the truth is that every time you portray yourself as such, we all smirk because everybody else is so much better.

FW – Is this a total non-sequitur, or what?

GA – Oh, it’s “bluegrass rules,” not “glue rags rules.” Drat.

GT – She’s stopping unannounced in West Virginia. Hurry, southern ‘Mudgeons, you can make it in time!

Luann – Holy bleep, Evans has gotten way better at this whole “drawing” thing.

MT – “And scrunch your head down into your shoulders; it’ll decrease your visible area.”

MW – Hey, everybody thinks about their “horse-riding” experiences now and then. However, I’m a little confused as to how Mary is planning to join in the remembrance of events she wasn’t there for.

RMMD – “Me!”

SFx – You’d think they’d have put Weirdly away by now for all the various heinous crimes he’s tried to commit against Slylock and Max.

SM – Time for some more Spider-Couch-Potatoing!

WOI – has given up all pretense of being set in a medieval kingdom.
Hogen Mogen
July 30th, 2007 at 10:43 am [Reply]

Phantom: I like Phantom, especially compared with the plot dragging of Mary Worth or the excruciating inanity of Spider-Mess. But I don’t get these armed thugs on the boat. If anyone remembers, this was a cruise boat hired by a white collar guy for a pleasant weekend of mai-tai fueled fun and frolicking in the waves. Captain Stutters was squeamish about killing any of his passengers, and now he and his crew have developed into hard-core gangstas armed to the teeth with AK-47s. Whassup wit dat?
migellito
July 30th, 2007 at 10:53 am [Reply]

Klunky Stinkingbean:
Ok, here’s what I actually thought. Panel one shows 4 FW characters that I hadn’t seen before. The two on the left are Mr. and Mrs. Moore. The two on the right are their son and his boyfriend. Mrs. Moore is kicking her son out of the house for being gay.
Then in panel two, we see Darin’s dismay at discovering he’s part of this horribly dysfunctional family. And apparently Darin’s girlfriend thinks he’s tricking her and is pissed off at him.

I think this interpretation fits in much better with the Funky milieu.

Also, I’ve been reading FW every day for about 2 months now, since my life had too much happy in it, and I had ABSOLUTELY no reference as to what cancer-woman’s last name was. Just how addicted to down do you want your readers to be, Bat-man? Jerk.
Hogen Mogen
July 30th, 2007 at 10:56 am [Reply]

#170- Stinky – Sorry about that.

But – I brought Dick Cheney into the argument, that’s got to count for something.
MyEvilTwin
July 30th, 2007 at 10:56 am [Reply]

In A3G, when Margo says to stick the flowers in water because she has to run, and Tommie says “WHERE?!?!” — I prefer to think of it as Tommie responding to the “stick them in water” bit.

In other words, Tommie was surprised, even shocked, that Margo didn’t say something like, “Tommie — I need to run — take these flowers and stick them up your [boxcar].”
stinky pete
July 30th, 2007 at 11:03 am [Reply]

190 HM, spoken like a gentleman!
Hogen Mogen
July 30th, 2007 at 11:05 am [Reply]

Sunday’s One Big Happy shows how a real man plays with trains.

I didn’t understand today’s, though. “Hole” foods? Wouldn’t that be donuts and bagels? Radishes? What?
AtomicDog
July 30th, 2007 at 11:07 am [Reply]

71 – Not the CLAW, the CRAW!
Poteet
July 30th, 2007 at 11:09 am [Reply]

# 60 — Thanks, Spiny Normal. I appreciate the explanation. And now that I understand it, Batiuk, your SEINFELD reference was terribly amusing. Ha. Ha.

# 114 — BWAHAHA! Thank you, Sir Fable MTK, I needed that.
andreavis
July 30th, 2007 at 11:14 am [Reply]

FW: my mind was trying to assign meaning to this strange first panel today, and my best explanation was that it was a scene from 17 years ago, and the pusher was that lady teacher from the high school, and the pushee was Darin’s father. I knew if I came here all would be explained!

FOOB: has anyone mentioned that April just told her dad she and her friend are “wasted”? Surely that doesn’t mean something different Up North?

#164 Hogen Mogen. Love your Kid Dictionary update! Around here, cutting in line is called “ditching”, and the curious practice of letting your friend cut in line, but behind you, is “double dtiching.”
commodorejohn
July 30th, 2007 at 11:18 am [Reply]

True Fable – Friggin’ brilliant. I love the “Glen Or Glenda?” book – I never knew there was a novelization.
Hogen Mogen
July 30th, 2007 at 11:19 am [Reply]

Jughead’s teacher looks pretty annoyed, probably because she knows those aren’t current events – the Doc Ock storyline wrapped up a few months ago.

Slylock: The room Sly and Max are trapped in is obviously not airtight, due to the presence of a mouse hole. So Count Weirdly would suffer from the fumes too, right? Anyway, since the fumes are already coming out of the beaker, would hanging your head over it to drip candle wax around be a good idea? You’d be taking in a stronger dose closer to the beaker. And, let’s hope that the fumes are volitile and the presence of a candle would ignite them into a fireball that singes their hair off. Anyway, Sly and Max, with or without memory or hair are STILL COUNT WEIRDLY’S PRISONERS. Yeah, deduce your way out of that, yellow, jaundiced mouse.
migellito
July 30th, 2007 at 11:19 am [Reply]

For Worse:

Ok, I know this is about Sunday’s, but it’s only Monday, and this bothers me FAR more than even Liz and Antonio kissing in a tree.

No electric train enthusiast sets up a track OUTDOORS!!!
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
July 30th, 2007 at 11:22 am [Reply]

#185 El Santo & #196 Andreavis — It’s not standard here for kids to still be in school in July, and “wasted” doesn’t mean anything different that I’m aware of.

The explanation is boring and simple: Lynn Johnston isn’t very aware of how 16-year-olds talk, and she’s sometimes lazy about the relationship between events depicted in the strip and the time of year it is in real life.
stinky pete
July 30th, 2007 at 11:30 am [Reply]

New Yorker captions are up. Once again the 3 finalists look like monkey crap compared to the entries we came up with here.
Cedar
July 30th, 2007 at 11:32 am [Reply]

#193 I’m thinking ’cause you dig them out of a hole.

So why does Slylock suspect Count Weirdly is lying? I can never read the small print on the Sunday strip.
The Divine O’F
July 30th, 2007 at 11:35 am [Reply]

Credit Where Credit is Due

2 yesterthreads ago Crabby Genes: I’m sure your daughters are gorgeous. VERY dark brown eyes to me are the best. My sister had that color, and her eyes were just beautiful. As for yours… light hazel is better than blue. In the aesthetic scheme of things.

Spider Brick: Good luck finding great digs in Milwaukee. Even though you’d already said you wouldn’t read this post.

16 Poteet: I’m actually enjoying the current DT story line, partly for its batshit insanity, and partly because the Baron is actually kind of sweet, in a totally demented, poorly-drawn way.

Dingo and True Fable: Come on, boys. When people get old they start to look old. It’s not a sin.

48 Poteet: Angharad Rees! Me too! My most favorite TV Series EVAH!

114 True Fable: Excellent. Truly Excellent. Also funny.
Major Hooples Boarding House
July 30th, 2007 at 11:35 am [Reply]

Subject: Trains

One Big Happy: – Was in one of the Adams Family movies…

FOOB: – migellito -see Outdoor Trains
rich
July 30th, 2007 at 11:38 am [Reply]

I love “Dirty Old Grampa” in Dick Tracy. I always hear Arte Johnson’s voice in my head (”Tyrone Horneigh”) whenever I see him!

FW: But…why is Elaine beating up Pauly Shore? (Or is that Diedrich Bader? …Or Billy Bush??)

GT: Kaz reads the threatening note out loud… “‘Play Tarzana Nights’?…So why don’t you just play the damn song already?”
Major Hooples Boarding House
July 30th, 2007 at 11:38 am [Reply]

Gil Thorp

Gail, you hired the wrong guy. You need Mark Trail with his patented Fist ‘o’ Justice!
The Divine O’F
July 30th, 2007 at 11:41 am [Reply]

New Yorker Contest: As Stinky Pete, who beat me to this by a couple of posts, has already pointed out, our captions were SO MUCH BETTER. Ah, well, we must persevere. Do you hear me? My main problem with the current cartoon is that I can’t see it very clearly onscreen. Is there writing on the porch roof? If so, what does it say?
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 30th, 2007 at 11:45 am [Reply]

Crock: Has anyone pointed out that these are not camels, but rather llamas? Does anyone care? Do I?

RWO: At first I thought the little girl playing with blocks was also the one talking about “booty calls.” As you might imagine, this disturbed me. But it also made the joke funnier.

#201
I never would have submitted to that one. Try to caption Gahan Wilson? That’s treading on sacred ground.
stinky pete
July 30th, 2007 at 11:47 am [Reply]

201 TDO’F: I think that’s a standard garage door (note the rope hanging down to pull it closed), so those are the panels on the door, not writing. Also note the exploding volcano in the background, perhaps making the sweeping up pointless? My early entry: “What an asshat.”
Man behind the curtain
July 30th, 2007 at 11:48 am [Reply]

FBOW — $50 certainly isn’t much but on the other hand, unlike a few years ago, we can’t jeven oke that it’s only Canadian dollars.
gh
July 30th, 2007 at 11:49 am [Reply]

NYer caption: Someday he’ll be revered by women everywhere as the inventor of “garage cleaning.”

That may be a bit obscure to most NYer readers . . .
Trotzenbonnie
July 30th, 2007 at 11:50 am [Reply]

Re: The New Yawka Craption Kiss-my-ass-test….
It’s Gahan Wilson, for crying out loud! Couldn’t they pick something just a teensy bit edgy? And, they’re CHIMPS, not monkeys, dammit!

The Divine O’F – It looks like the car hole has a door with indentations and a shingled roof – no writing. And that erupting volcano in the background demands attention. But a guy sweeping the garage?! Obviously men have devolved.
Trotzenbonnie
July 30th, 2007 at 11:56 am [Reply]

#209 – stinky pete
OOps! I wasn’t oversnarking you (#212)! I’m just a very slow typer. And I do like your idea for a caption. It should be submitted at least once for every contest.
Dave
July 30th, 2007 at 11:58 am [Reply]

GT: Hope it is not too late to add Wheeling, W. Va. to the Gail Martin One Night Stand shirt …
Gabe
July 30th, 2007 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

Yesterthread Quacks like a Duck: I get that all the time from non Navy friends. Once in an email to Josh I asked him not to ask why the Navy is in Memphis. His response was the greatest reason of all (I can’t do it justice, just assume it’s funny and involves Arkansas).

Real reason: It used to be an airbase, which doesn’t need to be close to water. (Navy has more planes than the AirChair Force! Take that!
Gabe
July 30th, 2007 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

(ps: Memphis is on the Miss. river, not the Tennessee.)

(ppss: Millington is a suburb of Memphis)
gh
July 30th, 2007 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

NYer, phase 1: He said he needed a place for his tools, but I think [he's tired of bat guano]. Alternate endings requested.
SecretMargo
July 30th, 2007 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

209, 213: It really does always work
gh
July 30th, 2007 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

NYer, phase 2: Your father says it’s only a matter of time before GM rebounds. [See, this is in the post-apocalyptic future, and oh NEVER MIND!]
kingklash
July 30th, 2007 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

Well, crap. RMMD presents a 50/50 on what direction Hugh will take in this. Will he panic and spill the beans about who the bomb was for, and why? Or, in order to get in good with the bad guys, will he try to blame the “Nanny” for supposedly trying to blow him (up)?

Atomic Dog: Not the “Craw”…. THE CRAW!
True Fable
July 30th, 2007 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

#203 The Divine O’F: I know, it’s no sin to grow old, or to look old. I just had this…this mental picture of Gracie rockin’ out to White Rabbit and… yes, I am ashamed of myself on several accounts.

*hangs head*

I hope to redeem myself with a Fist O’ Justice special later.
andreavis
July 30th, 2007 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

SFx: Slylock is overlooking an obvious solution to his noxious gas problem. Max Mouse’s butt is about the same diameter as that fume-laden beaker. Grab Max, sit him on the beaker, and use his ass as a stopper. Problem solved!
Epoxy Creep
July 30th, 2007 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

Bitter, bitter Monday. No follow-up to the Fritzi and Nancy go to the beach story line, and the RMMD explosion doesn’t tear June’s or Heather’s clothes off, or even rip them.
gh
July 30th, 2007 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

NYer, phase 3: It just wandered in one day. It took awhile, but I finally got it domesticated.
Jason
July 30th, 2007 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

FW: I predict that Lisa Moore is not going to die of cancer but instead she will die of licking cheap glue on envelopes.
T. Chicana
July 30th, 2007 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

Bravo, True Fable, bravo! The rendering of Ellie’s face…and Apewill lounging around w/ booze & cigs…everything! I love it! You MUST draw more.

FW: I could tell it was Seinfeld, but since I like Seinfeld, I got angry at stupid Batiiiik. GOD, he just sucks.

AND why is the Shaggy-Haired Girlfriend pissed at Darrin? She wanted him to find his birthmother…then he got the P.O. box, and she was pissed at him then…? She finally got laid, and she is still mad at him? I think she’s just a rotten character, hell-bent on inflicting misery onto the poor pinnochio who’s struck down by the power of his first poon-tang!! (sp?)
Mollie
July 30th, 2007 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

A3G: I understand the reason for the redundant narration box in panel 3, but what need could there possibly be for the “As Margo reads the note…” box in panel 5? (It reappears, even more irritatingly, in Monday’s do-over strip.) Did the artist have so little confidence in his(?) ability to draw a standard florist’s note? (I mean, he did do a lousy job, but even so, panel 6 is enough to clue in the most LuAnn-like of readers, doncha think?) Or are they slowly phasing in a new approach to narration in this strip? Will they soon be adding a contextualizing note to every single panel? “As Margo continues reading the note…” “As Tommie reacts to Margo’s request…” “As Eric takes further advantage of Margo…” That sort of thing would actually be a big help in “Gil Thorp,” but I’m not sure what purpose it would serve here. Believe me, “A3G,” we’re keeping up juuuust fine.
stinky pete
July 30th, 2007 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

211 gh, all the more reason to submit it post haste! I also refer everyone to this headline. Proper ventilation is always a must.
Keg of Curd
July 30th, 2007 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

I believe that Tommie’s “Where?” is antecedent to “Stick these,” not “I’ve got to run.”
Squid Countess
July 30th, 2007 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

Divine O’F – New Yorker cartoon – basically we’re looking at a caveman who’s built himself a garage workshop, right? Isn’t that a garage with the door up? And you can see the tools hanging inside on the pegboard. I like Michael Maslin; I have several of his books. He did one of my favorite NY’er cartoons, which shows a very grand Knight in flashing armor and his steed which is wearing a jeweled bridle and ribbons and flags, stuck in mud to the horse’s hip. The caption is “Stuck in the muck in full regalia.” Pretty much the story of my life, whenever I try to make a big deal of myself. Anyway, I like this week’s drawing, but I’m still captionless.
gh
July 30th, 2007 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

#228 stinky pete

Re the news story: there’s a Lu Ann joke in there somewhere . . .
Cedar
July 30th, 2007 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

#97 I was wondering if Chris Cassatt and Gary Brookins were perhaps sad about the cancellation of Gilmore Girls, and expressing it in the form of a fish named Gilmore who, although he had a long life, died a bit too soon for Shoe;s liking.
gh
July 30th, 2007 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

NYer, phase 3a: It just showed up one day. Could prove handy.
The Divine O’F
July 30th, 2007 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

211 gh New Yorker caption: BWAHAHA! But submit it? …. uh, no. 217 caption: for some reason this strikes me as filthy. But in a good way.

Stinky Pete, Trotzenbonnie, and Squid Countess: Thanks for the explanation. Maybe I ought to go look at this thing on my desktop computer screen, which is somewhat bigger. But I’ve never owned a garage, so I may be in over my head here.

218 Secret Margo: More Bwas and Has than I can count. I think you have just ruined the contest for me, for all time, but it was worth it.

221 True Fable: I look forward to the Fists o’ Justice special. And maybe I’m just the teensiest self-conscious about looking old. And I do mean old.
Allie Cat
July 30th, 2007 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

In re: New Yorker Caption Contest – I liked the first one the best, but as it has been previously, duly noted, the ones submitted by mudges were far superior. Myself excluded – mine had something to do with WPM vs. Accuracy – seems I’ve had one temp job too many!
AAckTTpth
July 30th, 2007 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

Lynn, Lynn, Lynn. Please consult with someone under 55 if you are going to use slang…

“Wasted” means “intoxicated” or “stoned”, or something inferring abuse of one type of chemical or another. So, unless April and Eva have been doing lines of coke off Gerald’s inner thigh, do not use “wasted”. “Tired”, “fatigued”, “exhausted”: all of these are acceptable.

48 Applegirl: Canadian malls in this category could only *hope* for a Wal-Mart. I’ll bet that we have a Zellers at one end (Canadian Wal-Mart – yes, Zellers is as lame as it sounds), a Safeway (in the west) or an A&P (in the east) at the other end, a lame hobby store (where John gets his trains), a Winners, Ardene, Payless Shoes and a Shoppers Drug Mart. Hmmm, sounds like North York Sheridan Mall…
gh
July 30th, 2007 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

NYer, phase 4: “He keeps saying, I got your tool right here, but I think I’m sticking with flint.”

[OK, that was just for domestic consumption.]
bats :[
July 30th, 2007 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

FW: I occasionally watch Seinfeld repeats (there’s an hours’ worth during the weekdays), and it took me quite a while to realize the first panel was indeed part of FW…it took me even longer to realize that these were supposed to be the Seinfeld crew.
Dang, those are poopy drawings, Batuik.

Lio: I’m beginning to like this more and more, if for no other reason that there’s a dearth of long, rambling and generally inane dialog in it.

FC: “REJOIN us…”? To say in reply, especially as a sharp response? That appears to be the primary definition. I guess “JOIN us…” is too pedestrian for the Keanes.
(And the neighbor’s thought balloon to Jeffy’s explantion: “Oh, crap.”)

180. AtomicDog: actually, the quote *is* attributed to Chinggis Khan. But, hey, it’s a lifestyle that all good barbarians can live with, and considering what hacks some screenwriters are, I don’t mind Conan lifting a historical person’s words…

And Divine O’F, is the Tucson curminion get-together on for the 4th?
The Divine O’F
July 30th, 2007 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

gh 233: That’s obvious and lame enough that it might win.
stinky pete
July 30th, 2007 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

233 gh, yes, now if you can take out a few of the longer words, the NYer judges might be able to understand it too.
bats :[
July 30th, 2007 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

240. S. Pete: I thought the NYer editors *like* big words! Now I’m distrawt….dizstraught…sad.
NotThatGuy
July 30th, 2007 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

#201, Stinky Pete et al: I’m shocked at the banality and lack of wit in the chosen New Yorker captions. I agree, the one’s here made me LOL (and I even had one of my own for the Gahan Wilson cartoon but thought it too ordinary to submit– “You misspelled ‘Shakespeare.’”)
Rainbird
July 30th, 2007 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

OK, Stiky Pete, #201, I entered the NYorker contest, and this is what I said “Can you imagine, still iving in her parents garage at his age?”

As for the winners from last week, yuck. Not funny at all, I agree with you.

And thanks to all that explained Cancerville’s Sienfelt reference. i didn’t watch TV in the ’90s, so I hadn’t a clue as to what was going on, and only the vaguest clue NOW, what is going on.
Rainbird
July 30th, 2007 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

oops, mean “his parents grage at his age.”

Dang
Chloe The Cat
July 30th, 2007 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

Squid Countess, I think the bank thing is only in the south. My bank people call me by name and ask how my family is doing, etc. I never got that kind of service anywhere else in the world.
The Divine O’F
July 30th, 2007 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

238 bats: We have postponed the Curminion gathering in Tucson until more people can show up. Mountain Mama and I were the only ones who had planned to come on the 4th. What part of the month (or next month) would work best for you?
The Divine O’F
July 30th, 2007 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

243 Rainbird: good caption!
gh
July 30th, 2007 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

#239, 240 The Divine O’F & stinky pete –

You think #233 has a better chance than #224? I thought 224 had more potential if properly re-worded (I need an editor), but what do I know.

And since I already wrote it, I’ll add this to the heap: Myra, as poorly-drawn as you are, I’d say he’s quite a catch.
SecretMargo
July 30th, 2007 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

Lame enuff fer ya, NYer?

A wheel is just never enough for some guys.

He’s a hunter and nester.

Sure, but will it stand up to a lava flow?

But I still can’t get him to shave that stupid beard off.
The Divine O’F
July 30th, 2007 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

DTGT: I never thought I would say this, but I HEART Gil Thorp!

I’m still finding the rest of the comics too self-snarking to have much to say (though I will have a future comment on FW, if I can finish my taxes first). As for 9CL and Pibgorn: it’s true. Brooke has turned me off permanently with all that unicorn stuff.
Trotzenbonnie
July 30th, 2007 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

#236- AAckTTpth
I think Lynn probably meant to say “wiped”.

And, you know what will probably win the crappy caption contest? ‘Now all he has to do is invent the wheel.”
SecretMargo
July 30th, 2007 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

gh — I like 224 better too, but I think the others meant that it was too good, so it didn’t stand a chance.

rewrite?

It took some coaxing, but I think he’s finally domesticated. I’m taking him in to get neutered next week.

(I’m kidding with that last bit)
SecretMargo
July 30th, 2007 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

251: Trotz — You are so right. Submit that mofo!!
The Divine O’F
July 30th, 2007 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

248 gh: Probably 233 is best. I really like the one at 248, but it’s too meta for the New Yorker. I think.

249 Secret Margo: “A wheel is just never enough for some guys.” I think that one is brilliant. Send it in.

251 Trotzenbonnie: I think that one might have a chance. Send it in.
gh
July 30th, 2007 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

#249 SecretMargo

I’d go with the second as He’s a hunter/nester.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
July 30th, 2007 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

#251 Trotz — “Bagged” would work as well as “wiped”. But that would require LJ to pay a modicum of attention to current slang.

Maybe I shouldn’t be too hard on Lynn, though. I remember my mother being confused by certain aspects of my brother’s speech: specifically, something that “kicks ass” is good, but something that “licks ass” is bad.

Also, if something is “the shit”, it’s good, but if it’s just “shit”, it’s bad.
mingosthename
July 30th, 2007 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

I did a little parody of Sunday’s Rex Morgan, and it’s taken me forever to upload it. Here’s the link: http://i13.tinypic.com/63ha141.jpg
AAckTTpth
July 30th, 2007 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

251 Trotzenbonnie – I don’t disagree that she may have meant “wiped”, but a) it ain’t what she said, and b) given her previous history with mangling slang, that is debatable.

Mind you, when I was a teen, my parents made me a deal that I could call for a ride home at any time if I was in no state to drive. So, it is possible that April *did* get into the stash backstage (no, not the ‘Stache) and is, in fact, wasted.
stinky pete
July 30th, 2007 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

251 Trotz, it’s no “he’s an asshat”, but it could place. SEND IT!!
Braniff
July 30th, 2007 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

FC: In the years since I’ve been tracking these reruns, I’ve noticed that the family has gone to New York City, San Francisco, Philadelphia, the Grand Canyon, the beach and Chicago. This year they are going to a set of grandparents: Which ones?

By the way, where else has the family gone–and where should the family go (aside from Hell)?
Keg of Curd
July 30th, 2007 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

Also, if something is “the shit”, it’s good, but if it’s just “shit”, it’s bad.
PS, guess which category you fall in, Lynn?
gh
July 30th, 2007 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

#249 SecretMargo –

On second thought, I think O’F is right. But someone should submit “hunter/nester.”

#251 Trotz –

I have a sinking feeling the winner will have something to do with “wheel.” Do it!

Though I think we should all wait till Thursday, just in case we come up with most excellent edits.

And where’s our caption savant, Brown-eyed Girl?
SecretMargo
July 30th, 2007 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

254,255: I went back and forth, but then went ahead and submitted choice #2 as “He’s a hunter-nester.” (Thanks gh!) I think the NYer itself is responsible for inventing and popularizing the term “nesting/nester” in the first place, and I know how much they love the lifestyle slang of the upper bourgeoisie. Plus, it’s the shortest, which also seems to be a factor.

I’ve exhausted my American address, so the others are up for grabs! Just let me know!
gh
July 30th, 2007 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

#263 SecretMargo –

Ack! But I was wrong (or not). In which case, someone needs to enter the first one.
bats :[
July 30th, 2007 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

246. O’F, any time works for me (I have no life)…I don’t think we’re going out of town anytime soon. Keep me posted.

And for the NYer: “He found out that the insurance company will reduce his premium if he garages the car.”
All Margo-ed Up
July 30th, 2007 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

FOOB: Well, according to the American Heritage dictionary online ‘Wasted” also means ‘needless or superfluous’, and I think that kinda wraps up Apewil in a nutshell.

Her being out all night doesn’t really bug me though; loads of us used to hit Manhattan for Rocky Horror every Friday and Saturday and we’d get home 5 or 6 in the morning– later if you had to take the Long Island Railroad after the subway. Maybe our parents were hoping we’d get offed or something… not sure on that one. :)
The Divine O’F
July 30th, 2007 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

265 bats: Good caption. I’ll repost about the AZ Curminion gathering in a week or so. If I don’t, I hope someone reminds me.
Brown-eyed Girl
July 30th, 2007 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

gh — Is caption savant anything like idiot savant?

The first caption that sprang to mind:

“When June Morgan says to clean out the garage, you clean out the garage.”

the second:

“He’s also joined Big Brothers/Big Sisters”

Curses, Comics Curmudgeon, curses! I never read Rex Morgan until I started visiting this blog, and now look what’s become of me.
Brown-eyed Girl
July 30th, 2007 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

265 bats. Your caption has inspired me:

“His insurance company will reduce his premium if he garages the dinosaur.”

(Please don’t send Stephanie Van Dillweedwacker after me with a cease and desist order.)
Trotzenbonnie
July 30th, 2007 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

O.K. Here’s my final caption offer (Would you believe I’m in the middle of painting the inside of our garage?!):

‘If the winning caption doesn’t include some reference to the volcano eruption, the Pushkin of prose is going to spin in his grave.”
True Fable
July 30th, 2007 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

And here we go, with “Fists O’Justice!”

Er… slightly NSFW. >:)
Colinski
July 30th, 2007 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

Shoe: Yeah, wait, Roz runs a diner / lunch counter sort of thing, right? What the hell is this “happy hour” she’s referring to? Since when do places like that have happy hours? Paul (#15) I think you’re right about the sex marathon…
Allie Cat
July 30th, 2007 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

A3G – If I were Tommie, I’d tell Margo she could stick those flowers in her boxcar and smoke ‘em.

Why isn’t Tommie getting flowers? Because nobody loves a doormat.
Paperback Rifler
July 30th, 2007 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

Phantom: Now, I know that it’s an allegedly tense moment, but is it too much to ask that Señor Stripey-Butt make a better quip than “Those Mori gill hooks are about to harvest some BAD FISH”? I came up with the following:

— Those Mori gill hooks are about to make some bad guys flounder!
— Those Mori gill hooks are about to make some bad guys fear for their sad and sorry soles!
— Those Mori gill hooks are about to kick some bass!
— Those Mori gill hooks are about to knock those bad guys off their perch!
— Those Mori gill hooks are about to scare the crappie out of these guys!
— Those Mori gill hooks are about to go through these guys faster than a case of “salmon-ella”!
— (singing) When our hooks snag those guys / And I give them black eyes / That’s a moray!
— I knew I should have taught that dog to climb a rope!

Okay, so maybe a fishy bon mot isn’t all that easy after all. Huh.
True Fable
July 30th, 2007 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

#274 Paperback Rifler – My favorite is “That’s a moray! LOL!
AppleGirl
July 30th, 2007 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

True Fable – Pasty White Folks is the schizzle. There is so much excellent action going on here. Dee’s slashed wrists, Granthony’s foreplay, the bizarre hellspawn. Heck, Apewil is even wearing shoes! Flip-flops, but still. I love that Mike is using VHS tapes of Glenn or Glenda and Pricilla Queen of the Desert as reference materials for his masterpiece. Perfect! The whole thing is so well done.
True Fable
July 30th, 2007 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

Thank you, sweet AppleGirl! I had a lot of snark saved up just for that ‘un. The Mark Trail one is more of an homage, Jackelball and all.
AppleGirl
July 30th, 2007 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

True Fable – OMG, Fists O Justice is even more awesome. I laughed myself silly at the potato saying “That’s what I believe happened.” All the animals carrying the story. Mark and Sam enjoying a little recreation. And the True Fable ball. You are on a roll, Sir Fable!
britbike
July 30th, 2007 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

#272

Diners in CT and PA often have liquor licenses, but I don’t remember seeing Happy Hours. I wasn’t looking for them, though.
stinky pete
July 30th, 2007 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

Ingmar Bergman and Bill Walsh both died today; both geniuses in their own way. RIP!
ElSanto
July 30th, 2007 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

#250 (O’F): One of us! One of us! One of us!
True Fable
July 30th, 2007 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

#280 Stinky Pete – So did Tom Snyder. Again, RIP.
Woody
July 30th, 2007 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

FW: This is going to make for some depressing plot until Darin’s birth mother dies.
JeffM
July 30th, 2007 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

Oh leave poor Margo alone. I grew up in the same Bronx neighborhood she did and what no one seems to understand is that she’s actually being polite!!!
FortyTwo
July 30th, 2007 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

FOOB — I showed my husband today’s strip, and he slaved away with no Photoshop to produce this parody.
The Divine O’F
July 30th, 2007 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

217 True Fable: BWAHAHAHAHA! You are on a roll today, my friend!

281 El Santo: Huh?
Squid Countess
July 30th, 2007 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

#193 – Hogen Mogen - Ruthie is naming root vegetables which come out of “holes” in the ground. I’m with you, though. My mind went immediately to donuts. Mmmm. Donuts.

#271 True Fable – You had me at the potato.
migellito
July 30th, 2007 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

Major Hoople – awesome!! thanks for the link. I think if I had a ton of disposable money I’d actually find garden trains quite fun.
gh
July 30th, 2007 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

I can’t get photobucket!

*sulks*
Squid Countess
July 30th, 2007 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

Divine O’f- One of us Gil Thorpians! One of us! One of us! You have been assimilated.
The Divine O’F
July 30th, 2007 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

290 Squid Countess: O.M.G. I didn’t realize it could happen so insidiously. The next thing I know my pod will be in the back of a truck driving to El Centro.
True Fable
July 30th, 2007 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

#289 gh – PM me in the forums and I’ll send you something you can access.
Squawk
July 30th, 2007 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

I’m gonna have to call bullshit on Slylock Fox today. He’ll be affected by the memory-loss gas (WTF?) if he touches the fumes, but how can he drip candle wax into the beaker without touching the fumes? He has to stand right over it.
ElSanto
July 30th, 2007 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

#286 — It’s a reference to the movie “Freaks.” :)

One of us! One of us!
AhClem
July 30th, 2007 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

True Fable,
If there were any justice in the world, your cartoons would be in every paper in America, and Lynn Johnston and Jack Elrod would be cleaning toilets for a living. Unventilated public toilets. At highway rest stops. In July.

Of course, without FOOB and MT, there would be less material to snark at, but still.
ElSanto
July 30th, 2007 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

#293 — How Slylock Fox will end:
Slylock: “Max, old chum! We have to melt the candle wax on the beaker!”
Max: “OK, I have the candle. What am I supposed to do again?”
Slylock: “Why are you giving me this … uh … flaming stick of wax? Who are you again?”
Max: “Ahhh! A fox! My natural enemy! … I think.”
stinky pete
July 30th, 2007 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

293 squawk, 198 Hogen Mogen would seem to agree.

I’m getting together some notes for the class I’m teaching tonight, which will cover among other things the topic of Mortgage Backed Securities, often abbreviated MBS. I’m having a hard time not typing M! B! S! instead, and this is the only group that can understand why. I wonder if I will be able to keep a straight face tonight.
The Divine O’F
July 30th, 2007 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

294 Thanks, El Santo. I didn’t see that movie. Isn’t it a cult movie about circus freaks? Or am I thinking of something else?
The Divine O’F
July 30th, 2007 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

I’m going off to take a nap now. Hopefully when I awake it will be to a new thread, and I’ll have a great New Yorker caption fully-formed in my head.
Jeff
July 30th, 2007 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

#293 — It says the memory loss will happen after 30 minutes of exposure.
ElSanto
July 30th, 2007 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

#298 — That’s the one, O’F. I haven’t seen the movie either. I think I heard it mainly through shows that were parodying it. :)
True Fable
July 30th, 2007 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

#295 AhClem – Thank you! I would like to do a comic, but I’d probably have to give it up in about five years because I’d be snarking myself to give it up, I’m getting stale. XD Right now there’s about a year and a half, maybe two years of work drawn but a lot of it needs intensive rework.
Poteet
July 30th, 2007 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

# 203 — Ooh! Ooh! Another POLDARK fan! Divine O’F, I don’t want to clutter this forum with POLDARK (however tempted I might be). But I have to share that I once answered a desperate ad in the local paper from some poor husband who failed to tape a critical episode, and supplying a tape probably helped his marriage, har har.
Anonymous
July 30th, 2007 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

So, I have been unable to get anything done today, what with wondering WTF is going on with Funky Winkerbean. I know, it’s pathetic, but there it is. What was the point of Sunday’s strip? Darin gets his letter and then drives around? Why? Then today: who are the people in panel 1? Seinfeld characters? Why? Why “Get out”? Why does Jessica appear to be mad, when she’s the one who was all for the birthparent search thing?

So, I was googling around and found the “unofficial FW fan site.” I didn’t find any answers to my questions, but I did find this statement:

“Mr. Batiuk’s schedule does not allow him to access the Internet.”

What?

I could understand “Mr. Batiuk’s computer hardware does not allow him to access the Internet.” Or “Mr. Batiuk’s pastoral life at his extremely remote vacation cabin does not allow him to access the Internet.” Or “Mr. Batiuk’s mother does not allow him to access the Internet.” But…schedule?

Please, can anyone explain any of this to me? Please?
Dean Booth
July 30th, 2007 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

Excuse oversnark, please. I’m way behind.

DtM: “Joey says my button is stuck.”

GT: As many of you have mentioned, The Claw.

FW: Same line, different source

True Fable: Great drawing! I think it’s time for you to infiltrate the FOOB organization.

JP: Has anyone suggested that it’s a lake of oil? Prob-ly.

MF: I recommend not investing in duck futures.

MT: Sam looks to me like androgenous Chris from SNL.

MW: SecretMargo, a cat in a tophat is a very good guess, but the fireworks-like marks below Dawn’s hands makes me think it’s an image of Chernobol or 3-mile island.

RwO: What is a “veggie booty”??

Speed Bump: I wonder if this was inspired by the Blue Screen of Death Tattoo?
stinky pete
July 30th, 2007 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

304 Anonymous (love the name!), Spiny Norman at 60 has a good explanation.
SmartPeopleOnIce
July 30th, 2007 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

Is anyone else wondering what it would have been like for Josh’s mom to drop by CC while she was in town? I think it would have gone something a little like this…

Mrs. C: Joshua!
Josh: Hello, mother.
Mrs. C: Don’t you ‘hello mother’ me. What are all those people doing out there?!
Josh: Oh. Well– well, I, uh–
Mrs. C: Come on! What have you been up to, my lad?!
Josh: Well, uh, I think they must have popped by for something.
Mrs. C: ‘Popped by’?! ‘Swarmed by’, more like! There’s a multitude out there!
Josh: Mm, they– they started following me a few years ago.
Mrs. C: Well, they can stop following you right now. Now, stop following my son! You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.
CC: The Curmudgeon! The Curmudgeon! Show us the Curmudgeon!
Mrs. C: The who?
CC: The Curmudgeon!
Mrs. C: Huh, there’s no Curmudgeon in here. There’s a mess, all right, but no Curmudgeon. Now, go away!
CC: Josh! Josh!
Mrs. C: Right, my lad. What have you been up to?
Josh: Nothing, Mum. Um–
Mrs. C: Come on. Out with it.
Josh: Well, they think I’m the Curmudgeon, Mum.
[smack]
Mrs. C: Now, what have you been telling them?
Josh: Nothing! I only–
Mrs. C: You’re only making it worse for yourself.
Josh: Look! I can explain! I–
[smack]
Amber: No! Let me explain, Mrs. C!
Mrs. C: Who–
Amber: Your son is a born leader. Those people out there are following him because they believe in him, Mrs. C.
They believe he can give them hope– hope of a new life, a new world, a better future!
Mrs. C: Who’s that?!
Josh: Oh! That’s… Amber, Mum. Amber. Mother. Hmm.
[smack]
Aaaah!
CC: The Curmudgeon! The Curmudgeon!
Mrs. C: Ooooh?
CC: Show us the Curmudgeon! The Curmudgeon! The Curmudgeon! Show us the Curmudgeon!
Mrs. C: Now, you listen here! He’s not the Curmudgeon. He’s a very naughty boy! Now, go away!
CC: Who are you?!
Mrs. C: I’m his mother. That’s who.
CC: Behold His mother! Behold His mother! Hail to thee, mother of Josh! Blessed art thou, Hosanna! All praise to thee, now and always!
Mrs. C: Ohhh, now, don’t think you can get around me like that. He’s not coming out, and that’s my final word. Now, shove off!
CC: No!
Mrs. C: Did you hear what I said?
CC: Yes!
Mrs. C: Oh, I see. It– it’s like that, is it?
CC: Yes!
Mrs. C: Ohh. Oh, all right, then. You can see him for one minute, but not one second more. Do you understand?
CC: Yes.
Mrs. C: Promise?
CC: Well, all right.
Mrs. C: All right. Here he is, then. Come on, Josh. Come and talk to them.
Josh: But, Mum. Amber.
Mrs. C: Now, leave that Welsh tart alone.
Josh: But I don’t really want to, Mum.
CC: Josh! Josh! Josh!…
Josh: Good morning.
CC: A posting! A posting! A posting!…
stinky pete
July 30th, 2007 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

307 SPOI: The Life of Josh? Always look on the bright side of FOOB…..
Brown-eyed Girl
July 30th, 2007 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

307. SPOI. Bwahahahaha!.
Oh wait. It really is sort of like that, isn’t it?
MossMoses
July 30th, 2007 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth’s extra meddling perception (EMP) is amazing. She can sense a person needs forced intervention into their personal lives from miles away, just by their pheromones, without the meddling victim saying a single word. It reminds me of the way a shark’s lateral lines can sense the movements of wounded fish. These “clueless” or “helpless” pheromones elicit her stereotyped behavioral (meddling) response. Dawn Weston and Vera Shields definitely reek of cluelessness. Mary Worth senses this and in no time is all over them like stink on poop and will not quit until the clueless victim follows her unsolicited advice, verbatim. Why won’t just one person tell her to get lost and mind her own business? Instead they fully confide in her with their innermost personal secrets and spill their guts to her every single time, even people she just met. She would have a field day in Lost Forest!
The Divine O’F
July 30th, 2007 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

303 Poteet: You probably DID save his marriage. I not only still have all the originals on old, decaying tape, I read every single novel, including two that were never published in this country. But you’re right–we shouldn’t clutter up this thread by talking about it. Let’s save it for the next time there’s an embroidery thread.

SPOI: I love it! I wonder if it will work.
Dean Booth
July 30th, 2007 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

NYer captions: I just realized that the garage is an add-on to the cave. So my original caption, based on the broom guy being a neighbor, doesn’t quite work: “I say we kill him.”

Back to the drawing board. This is a tough one.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
July 30th, 2007 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

#305 Dean — Love what you did with FW. Speaking of The Shining, check this out (needs sound).
Dean Booth
July 30th, 2007 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

NYer: “I have no idea what it is, but I finally got him to clean it!”
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
July 30th, 2007 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

Then there’s also this one.
Red Greenback
July 30th, 2007 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

NYer contest: I went the safe route. Going by the previous winners, this one may make it.
“There goes the neighborhood”
Tomcat
July 30th, 2007 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

AAAAH! NOOOOO!

… NOT ANOTHER VINTAGE LUANN!
Chris
July 30th, 2007 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

Bizarrely, the whole thing is capped off with a nonsensical joke. It’s as if Roz is telling us that the only way we can escape the crushing pain that comes with the knowledge of our own mortality is by taking refuge in the deliberate nonsense of Dada.

Maybe someone pointed this out above and I didn’t see it while skimming, but the joke isn’t nonsensical at all. It’s not refuge in Dada, it’s refuge in booze. The further you get into happy hour, the more you’re drunk, the happier you are.

And that’s totally how getting drunk when depressed over the loss of a loved one works, yup.
Keg of Curd
July 30th, 2007 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

Does anybody remember a band called Love/Hate?
You can sing along: “They’re getting waste-ye-ye-yed… wasted in Canada!”
April Patterdoodle
July 30th, 2007 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

My just turned four year old son is enjoying being able to look at the comics in the paper at the moment (We are visiting the US right now, I usually read them online). I’m slightly worried, I think he is a jr. snarker in the making.

Some of his comments today (try to imagine with a little British accent…):

DtM: [giggling] “That boy’s mummy should buy him some clothes that fit. I can see his bottom hanging out!”

Hi and Lois: “That boy and his daddy are really lazy-butts aren’t they?” (I think I contributed the term “lazy butt to his vocab)…)

My favourite-
Garfield: [eyebrows raised] “Is that meant to be funny?”
Citric
July 30th, 2007 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

YES! My letter from Al Scaduto has arrived, and my TDIET is coming October 1st. I suppose I’ll explain the genesis of it then, because I wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise. A SHOCKING lack of sweater vests though.

Also, the last panel of Saturday’s Rex Morgan would’ve worked much better as the last panel of today’s FOOB.
commodorejohn
July 30th, 2007 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

#320 April Patterdoodle – Garfield: [eyebrows raised] “Is that meant to be funny?”

Clearly, you have raised your child well. Congratulations.
Gabe
July 30th, 2007 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

Congrats, Citric!
Dean Booth
July 30th, 2007 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

#257 lol mingosthename

#271 True, again great stuff. It has a freedom and playfulness not found in most of the tripe on the funny pages. (I say most with Lio and GF in mind.)
Dean Booth
July 30th, 2007 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

Oh, and congrats Citric. COTW and TDIET, wow!
LTBF
July 30th, 2007 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

FW-Darin has the birth certificate, why not show it to her if she is so misbelieving. She does look pretty ticked off for some reason.

Shoe-I haven’t read this strip in years, but isn’t Roz’s place a diner and they fly somewhere else to a bar?

Foob-Just like Ted Forth, you are able to grow a beard in one day.

Wow, you watched your daughter on TV and spent $50 because you felt too guilty about not getting off your lazy butt and going to the mall to cheer her on.

Apparently Apes and her band aren’t as hot as they think. They weren’t asked by the organizers to be in the telethon and it seems like they had to volunteer after Shannon told her about it. And where are all of April’s friends? Other than shannon, the black egg making guy and the other special needs kids, we didn’t see anyone from her crowd there.
Squid Countess
July 30th, 2007 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

What’s with the references to The Shining lately? Am I not getting the connection because I stopped reading Batiuk? Or am I dense? Or both?

SPOI – Loved the Life of Brian riff. Read it thrice. (Not four; neither did I read it two times.)

Divine O’F/Poteet – I do not know who or what Poldark is. Thus, you interest me strangely. (Along with plenty of other reasons.) I go now to the google.

In a second, I go to the google. Possible NY’er caption: “Well, it keeps him out of the tar pits.” You know, instead of “bars?” ha?
Dean Booth
July 30th, 2007 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

#285, FortyTwo. Tell your hubby he should be One of us!

And thanks for the links, Skullturf.
Lou Shumaker
July 30th, 2007 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

#314: Dean Booth: Submit that one. It’ll probably be one of a zillion variations, but you wrote a nice clean line.

Under Scott Adams’ 2 of 6 rule, you combined familiar and cute. It’ll work.

Re the Gahan cartoon, the caption needs something cruel, such as: “You mispelled Shakespeare. Looks like it’s time for another ‘treatment.’”
SueAnn Suagean, Attorney at Law
July 30th, 2007 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

To: True Fable
Re: Copyright violation

Dear Sir,

Our routine surveillance of this website has recently uncovered materials linked under your name at posting 114 that match the style and substance of the popular graphic serial “For Better or For Worse” developed by Lynn Johnston, Inc, and currently in syndication in 2,000 newspapers worldwide. We consider this act to be a violation of copyrighted materials as specified under Canadian Articles 113.3 and 174.3. To wit, these provisions specifically prohibit satire, parody, lampoon, spoof, sendup, mockery, takeoff, burlesque, travesty, charade, pasquinade, caricature, imitation, or impersonation of any material appearing as “comics” in a Canadian newspaper that has been authored by a poikilotherm.

As such, you are hereby notified to remove said materials immediately or we will be forced to bring legal pressure to bear on the hosting ISP. Additionally, having conferred with Ms. Johnston, I have been instructed to (and I quote) “put the hurt on those snarky [boxcars] once and for all.” I was then instructed: “fly monkey fly”.

So to you, Mr. Fable, I say only this: black.

Black is the color of my briefcase, my BMW, and my strappy Manolo Blahniks. It is the color of the cold viscous blood-substitute that courses through my veins and the color of the heart-shaped space the experience of law school left in my chest. It is the color of the clouds I command at my fingertips and it is the color of the stone the Romans used to mark the day my ancestors first extended their talons into the Fiscus. It is the color of the legal pelts that ring my waist, and my Hello Kitty Gom Jabbar,and the Well of Souls that contain those who attempt to resist my legal acumen and are found wanting.

Defy me, Mr. Fable, and this color shall be your color. I will make your C&D feel like a D&E.

I await your response, or that of your champion.

Warmest regards,
SueAnn
April Patterdoodle
July 30th, 2007 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

322 commodorejohn – Thanks, I’m crediting my genes and good influence with the Garfield dislike.

Not long after I got married I found out my husband had a secret stash of about 55 Garfield books. That little revelation made me seriously question my own judgement…I was just waiting to find out he was also the “Hoo!” guy after that little drama…He turned out okay though and I’ve put that little quirk of his personality down to growing up in Europe.

Anyway, at least he didn’t have a Pornstache and secret lair complete with babycage. I can’t think of anyone who would ignore red flags like THAT, can you?
commodorejohn
July 30th, 2007 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

#331 April Patterdoodle – Oh, heavens no, the pornstache-and-cage ensemble should be an obvious warning sign to anything with brain function above ganglia level.

Anyway, if he had the older Garfield books, I wouldn’t worry about it; that stuff was pretty good. On the other hand, if he had newer collections, I’d get him on a straight diet of Get Fuzzy and Lio right away.
Mooncattie
July 30th, 2007 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

#327, Squid Countess – reference is to #305 where Dean came up with a cool alternative to the sad “Seinfeld” juxtoposition in today’s FW.

Here’s a way of cheering up The Shining (hope this works: http://www.youtube.com/w/shining?v=1J9ufqCoqyo&search=shining

I don’t think there’s anything out there that can cheer up FW, short of dropping GA’s meteorite on the Batiuk residence!
King Folderol
July 30th, 2007 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

A3G – I don’t think Tommie is asking where Margo has to run to; I believe she’s asking where she can possibly find water that will keep flowers alive for a woman who makes all that she touches wither and die slowly.

Shoe – I’d note that the Perfessor’s emotional breakdown over a goldfish speaks to greater issues, but the fact that he spends most of his time in a bar pretty much covers that point nicely.
LTBF
July 30th, 2007 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

A journalist that drinks? Who would have thunk it?
Brown-eyed Girl
July 30th, 2007 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

314. Dean Booth. I like your caption.

gh — I have a variation on your caption:

“Well, if you really want one, I recommend building a garage.”

Other ideas:
“CAVE-man my ass.”

“Just try to get him to paint the ceiling.”

“What good is a car when fossil fuels are currently neither fossil nor fuel.”

Once again, I’m putting these ugly puppies up for adoption.
SecretMargo
July 30th, 2007 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

316: Your caption reminds me of a running joke I had with my roommate in undergraduate that involved our hypothetical long-running British farce “Anything Can Happen!” Basically, we’d just punctuate/effectively end any conversation by loudly exclaiming in unison, “Well, you know what they say — anything can happen!,” freezing for a few disconcerting seconds, then bowing and waving to the hypothetical, ecstatic audience. It’s one of those pieces of youngster jackassery that refuses to fully leave one’s subconscious entirely and thus inexplicably incapacitates one if it is inadvertantly re-activated like a Cold War spy chip during the MTV Music awards when P. Diddy kept insisting on repeating that exact phrase all night.

“There Goes the Neighbourhood” is undoubtedly the name of the current gutbuster packin’ ‘em in all along our hypothetical West End, is what I’m trying to say.
Bobbie Sterne Built My Hot Rod
July 30th, 2007 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

#185 — When I was in grad school in Ontari-ari-ari-o, we had a high school across the street from our building, and the little foobs used to overrun our cafeteria every day at lunchtime. Hence, I had their school schedule pretty well memorized by when the cafeteria line wasn’t out of control. They started school a little later than most American schools and ended a little later — around Labo(u)r Day to the end of June.

Maybe April is in summer school for wayward girls?
True Fable
July 30th, 2007 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

To: Sue Ann Suagean, Corporate Snitch
Re: A Snitch in Time, Looks Fine

My dear (may I call you dear?) Ms. Suagean:

It was only a matter of time before you came calling, sweet thing. I realize my attempts to energize your ~~master’s~~ boss’s funnybone just might trip the wires that lead from the internet to an iron heart, but I figured that was a chance I’d take.

Naturally, you must understand MY position – other than tastefully horizonal ;-) – is that I don’t give a big hairy rat’s ass if Lynn doesn’t like my parody. This isn’t about copyright infringement, my darling little one. It’s about how Lynn will go to any lengths to slap me behind her own chain length fence in her basement and show me photos of Catherine Zeta-Jones until I ‘rise’ to the occasion, so she can then throw her wrinkledy, pruney, pasty white body all over mine. Well, I won’t play her game.

You tell the Witch of Ontario that I, True Fable, cannot be enticed by a humorless, post-hip, dishonest old fart so she can turn her legal team to other matters, like the class-action suit the country of Canada is going to throw on her. Even Bryan Adams signed it so you know how pronounced the level of resentment there is toward her.

You, however, are invited to stay over the next time you drop by Greater Metropolitan Roopville. Let me ink you all over, my blackhearted baby doll, and scratch my quill and give you a thrill, that you will never get in the company of that born-again virgin FOOB for whom you so thanklessly toil. I understand, baby. I do.

Respectfully yours,

Truman A. Fable
Raconteur
Allie Cat
July 30th, 2007 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

#305 Dean – Veggie Booty is a popular health food snack found at stores like Whole Foods. Imagine a Cheeto flavored with spinach rather than cheese. Sounds narsty, right? Oddly enough, no, they’re addictive and tasty, tasty, tasty. For some reason, little kids seem especially fond of this green treat, but recently, Veggie Booty was recalled for reasons I can’t recall.

I haven’t had it in ages, because I don’t live near a Whole Foods, and had kind of stopped dieting and went back to Cheetos, but it’s good stuff.

I love RwO – I’m glad to see that it’s an infrequent target on this page.

Speaking of Cheetos, reminds me of an old dirty joke…first one to post the punch line gets a gold star!
Red Greenback
July 30th, 2007 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

NYer caption: “Krok get wrong idea when me say me give him hummer”
Poteet
July 30th, 2007 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

# 330 — BWAHAHA! SueAnn Suagean, your basiliskly-snarky style totally enchants me. As I’m sure it would enchant others. SueAnn, listen — you belong HERE. Do you think your wit and style are properly appreciated in Foobville? Of course not. There’s no way they could be. Read the new monthly letters (shudder) when they appear in two days, and then tell me honestly if you really think you belong in a miniworld where that kind of (pause to retch) prose is regularly dished out. Come to the Dark Side, SueAnn. Come to CC. Join us. Here, your favorite color can truly shine!
Buck Ripsnort
July 30th, 2007 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

#340 (Yeesh, thread still going?): Allie Cat, There was a big scare over tainted spinach over the winter; that may have caused the recall. (I looked in vain for a reference to it in Popeye, you’d think they’d have brought it up and blamed Bluto.)
Trotzenbonnie
July 30th, 2007 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

Mr. T offers this caption:
‘So easy a caveman can do it.”
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
July 30th, 2007 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

#340 Allie Cat — I’ve heard a couple of slightly different versions of the joke, but one version that I heard ends with the punchline “I just sit around watching porn and eating Cheetos.”
Poteet
July 30th, 2007 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

# 311 — It’s a date, Divine O’F, if the stars allow. I have most of the tapes also, though I think I’m missing two or three (sob).

# 327 — Squid Countess, POLDARK is both a series and a person. Though I was even more obsessed with the female lead, yclept Demelza, than Poldark. I myself should figure out how to access what y’all are trying to caption, because visualizing it is a challenge:-).
Gojira
July 30th, 2007 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

#305 Dean Booth & #340 Allie Cat: Newsweek article: “Booty (Re)Call”. Note: Graphic description of symptoms in first paragraph.

#327 Squid Countess: Poldark in a nutshell.

#330 SueAnn Suagean & #339 True Fable: Served and returned, both hilarious. Nice job with the FOOB and MT spoofs, too.
Big Sims
July 30th, 2007 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

I can’t keep up!
The overwhelming amount of hysterical posts and parodies I read upon returning to work have reduced me to a quivering lump of snorts and giggles which is frankly freaking my co-workers out. I have a few shout-outs – Forty Two (285) your husband is brilliant and talented; I envy his skill, as I envy TrueFable and Dean Booth. (P)Squid Countess, you may reference PG Wodehouse any time you wish, you my dear, have a sense of humor I respect. My fear is that Batuik may one day make some ham-fisted ‘joke’ referencing something I hold truly dear and I’ll have to get my attorney to send a nasty note al la Sue Ann Suagean.
dale
July 30th, 2007 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

297 stinky pete -
I think you’re kidding about the M! B! S! thing.
Adding the ! requires a stretch.
Of course, when I was a boy, you had to hit the period, backspace, hit the apostrophe. But that was before virtual typewriters.
CrabbyGenes
July 30th, 2007 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

#349, dale. I remember doing that! (to make an explanation point). It must have been in the late 50’s/early 60’s, and I was using an ancient portable typewriter of my dad’s that he had from when he was in college.

Wonder if he still has that thing? Must ask him.

I also remember a book called “Typewriter Town” which I loved. I tried to make typewriter pictures on his machine, like the pictures in the book.
zeeba
July 30th, 2007 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

FW: I don’t understand Jessica’s obsession with Darin. It’s obvious she’s jealous that he’s found out who his real mom is. What, is she afraid he’s going to start spending more time with Lisa than with her? And Lisa’s got how many more days to live??? And is Darin really such a catch? He’s in the band, he draws a comic for the school paper, that all adds up to geek. Jessica’s just stupid.

Pluggers: I was really offended that Cal Ripken, Jr. and Plugger were used in the same sentence. “Plugger” says to me: slow, old-fashioned, afraid of change. How does this equate with one of the best baseball players, ever??? I guess it was supposed to be a recognition of his recent induction to the Baseball Hall of Fame, but it’s really just a very backhanded compliment.
stinky pete
July 30th, 2007 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

349 dale, I never kid.
Gojira
July 30th, 2007 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

Re: New Yorker caption contest: For the heck of it, to see how the CCer-proposed captions look together with the picture, set up this page. My favorite is Red Greenback’s “hummer” caption, but, somehow, I doubt we’ll see it among the finalists.
LTBF
July 30th, 2007 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

This week in Foobland, April arrives home late from the telethon. She goes down to her basement room and finds Gerald waitng with a bottle of Two Loony Chuck.
Allie Cat
July 30th, 2007 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

#345 – Gold Star for Skullturf! The really funny/disturbing part (depending on your POV) – my father told me that joke.

#347. – Gojira – Oh. Ew. Well, that’s a shame, but it’s also cured my craving for Veggie Booty.

#351 – Zeeba – Band Geeks aren’t a bad way to go. Dated one back in my misspent youth, and married another in my roaring (early) 30’s. The ones who play brass or woodwind are great kissers. Which means they’re not half bad at cleaning garages either. I haven’t totally figured out the Darin/Jessica dynamic, but I’ll betcha they’re still together when Bat-ick flashes forward ten years this fall…
FortyTwo
July 30th, 2007 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

Thanks for the shout-outs, 328 and 348! I passed them along to Mr. 42; maybe someday he’ll join us on here.
Brown-eyed Girl
July 30th, 2007 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

353. Gojira. Wow. That’s impressive.
LTBF
July 30th, 2007 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

351-Lisa is not his real mom, she is his birth mother. The lady who raised Darin is his real mom.
Moon Mullins
July 30th, 2007 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

Tuesday RMMD:

Just where is your right hand going, June? I don’t think that’s the correct location for mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
Moon Mullins
July 30th, 2007 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

Tuesday Mary Worth:

You can tell Dawn is in love, that’s when she starts feeling good enough about herself to wear her favorite t-shirt, a delightful depiction of two kittens being boiled alive.
Red Greenback
July 30th, 2007 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

#353 Gojira: Thanks, I like that one too. Anyway, the “hummer” one is up for grabs as I already submitted the rather pedestrian “There goes the neighborhood”
(I?) GT
Trotzenbonnie
July 30th, 2007 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

#351 – zeeba
Hey! Whatza matter with band geeks? Mr. T. was a beat-n-blow in high school AND he grew up to be a computer hardware man. He’s very proud of his autograph collection, particularly the signatures of every member of the 1910 Fruitgum company, eagerly awaits the circulation of each new state quarter and, when I saw Guns-n-Roses on the cover of the new Rolling Stone, I said ‘Ooh, those guys irk me. They’re just REO Speedwagon with tattoos’. He admonished me for insulting…REO Speedwagon!
He’s mild mannered like Clark Kent but you can still tell he’s Superman even with his glasses on.
And I drew comics for my high school yearbook so I guess it’s a match made in heaven.
Red Greenback
July 30th, 2007 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

#353 Gojira: Thanks, I like that one too. Anyway, the “hummer” one is up for grabs as I already submitted the rather pedestrian “There goes the neighborhood”
(I like) GT
NotThatGuy
July 30th, 2007 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

Is it just me or is The Phantom wearing a diaper under those striped shorts?
Red Greenback
July 30th, 2007 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

I Shannon Gil Thorp??? (special characters)…nevermind.
Ed Power, writer of My Cage
July 30th, 2007 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

Hey kids.

A problem with today’s ‘My Cage’ strip.

A problem with the script caused the strip to need to be corrected.

Sadly, the uncorrected version ran today.

To see the corrected verion, you can go here

Thanks.
-Ed
Jonathan Bogart
July 30th, 2007 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

I’m sure this has been mentioned before, but I just thought I’d tuck this away here in the doldrums of the thread, just before the new day’s comics give it a new lease on life:

Does anyone else repeat Peter and Mary Jane Parker’s dialogue back to themselves in an exaggerated Yiddish accent?

No? Just me? But it fits so well!
Mibbitmaker
July 30th, 2007 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

Toozdae (Low snark edition):

FOOB: Okay, corny way to say it, Johnny boy, but overall a nicely sympathetic look at the much (April- & Eva-) maligned Rebecca(h).

FW: The rollercoaster stablizes. Girlfriend no longer looks po’ed, and it was an overall sweet strip. And the fake-out/correction was all in the same strip this time, so that’s a big plus.
Rainbird
July 30th, 2007 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

Moon Mullins #359 and 360, it appears to be inappropriate hand day,with not only RMMD, but Mary Worth, in the first panel. Now we know what she gets off on.
Brown-eyed Girl
July 31st, 2007 at 12:00 am [Reply]

368. Mibbitmaker. You are a much nicer person than I am. I found both April’s naivity and John’s quip o’wisdom irritating. I relate to John’s deer-in-the-headlights look in panel two: “Why are you telling me this? I don’t want hear this. Particularly at 4 am I don’t want to hear this.”
MonkeyHawk
July 31st, 2007 at 12:02 am [Reply]

You guys will like this:

http://tinyurl.com/2mqm99
Gojira
July 31st, 2007 at 12:05 am [Reply]

#357 Brown-Eyed Girl: Thanks. Truth in advertising: Borrowed the caption-changing script from Dean Booth’s great 101 Platitudes of Mary Worth. I’m no good at snarking, so just trying to chip in here and there.
Mibbitmaker
July 31st, 2007 at 12:13 am [Reply]

Toozdae (dead tree edition):

GT: Wait a minute… isn’t he supposed to be Mr. Punchy? How is he a self-declared detective? (Hell, how is Mark Trail one, for that matter??)

A3G: Eric, you’re screwed! Miss I-Own-Everybody’s-Universe-as-Their-Queen has come over.

Adam: Seeing this one while having Conan O’Brien on in the background (albeit in interview mode) just…. fits. In a really good way.

Buckets: The kid doesn’t want to look like Sam Hill. Leave it alone.

Nancy: What argument killer? Sluggo could’ve shot back with “Hypocrite!” C’mon, Slither, talk to him, willya? ;o)

MG&G: More FOOB snark on home territory (albeit dated). Dogmother, you really did protect Farley — from being in FOOB once it went so really, really bad! Good job, furry fairy!
Brown-eyed Girl
July 31st, 2007 at 12:31 am [Reply]

GT. You gotta love the logic here. Gail and her manager hire a high school football coach to investigate hate mail, based soley on his ability to beat up drunks. They don’t really want him to find the real culprit, they want him to punch everyone he talks to in order to discourage all future nasty letter writers. Kind of like the Lynn Johnston school of copyright enforcement.

And doesn’t our Gail look pleased at the memory of all those nasty, nasty letters?
mumbles
July 31st, 2007 at 12:42 am [Reply]

MW: I think those two kitties on Dawn’s t-shirt are LOL Cats. “Dat Ladee MEDDLEZ! LOL.” It wouldn’t be the first time someone LOLed at this strip, but probably the first time it was non-ironic. Well, it is ironic, but it’d be the first time it was ironic….for a cat.

FOOB: Can’t wait for Rebecca to shave her head and bang up the Pattersons’ car with an umbrella.
Big Sims
July 31st, 2007 at 12:43 am [Reply]

FW – Are we being treated to a plumber’s crack in the first panel? Or is that a tat? Or do I really want to know?
Poteet
July 31st, 2007 at 12:44 am [Reply]

7/31 — My farewell snark for the night — have fun, owls and Asian larks!

MW — To me, this seems like a really obvious shoutout to CC. Dawn is wearing a top that indicates she has sweaterkittens. June has sweaterpuppies, Dawn has sweaterkittens. Mew.

Foob — I tried to imagine an actual adolescent, or just about anyone, saying aloud “As her manager, he’s arrogant and controlling.” I can’t. To me, it sounds like Michaelspeak. Eewww.
Brown-eyed Girl
July 31st, 2007 at 12:46 am [Reply]

A3G. Wouldn’t it be cool if Margo bullied Eric into taking her to China with him? Maybe they could ride some of those tiny Mongolian horses

9CL. Yo! You both renounced your religious vocations because you loved each other. Why are you still only meeting in the park for lunch? Get laid, get married, get a life, get whatever. Just GET ON WITH IT!
Trotzenbonnie
July 31st, 2007 at 12:48 am [Reply]

#376 – Big Sims
It’s the new ‘Lee Press-On Thong’ for people who don’t want you to know they go commando.
Dub Not Dubya
July 31st, 2007 at 12:58 am [Reply]

RMMD: My ears! The goggles do nothing! Dude, no wonder. Goggles are for eyes.
Mibbitmaker
July 31st, 2007 at 1:00 am [Reply]

GA: “We take you coming and going”. (My Name is) Derle, you can take “truth in advertising” just so far.

GF: As much as I hate to agree with ol’ Strawman-reactionary Bucky Bratt, we have enough ideologues (right and left) in comics as it is, Darby. I don’t read your usually excellent strip for it to be “The Brilliant Mind of Rob Wilco” (or, in the Bizarro World, “Mallard Robmore”).

MT: Hey, Sam and shadow Mark should turn this into the Chuck Jones early ’50s “hunting cartoon trilogy”. “Elmer” over there can have alittle “pronoun trouble” with Bugs Hill and Daffy Trail. Once it’s “Elmer season”, Buzzard over there is finished.

MW: NO! You CAN’T confide in HER!! DON’T DO IT!!

Ziggy: Trust us, Mr. Personnel guy…. you DON’T!
Big Sims
July 31st, 2007 at 1:19 am [Reply]

379 – Trotzenbonnie
I heard the glue used by Lee Press-on products causes cancer… oh shit.
Jack Parsons
July 31st, 2007 at 1:27 am [Reply]

Yesterthread COTW nominee:
http://joshreads.com/?p=1179#comment-290847
Dingo
July 31st, 2007 at 1:46 am [Reply]

May I confide in you? Dawn, Dawn, Dawn. Asking Mary Worth if you can confide in her is similar to asking a pusher for a sample or Karl Rove for immunity. You’re on a slippery slope, girl, and you’re gonna end up her bitch.
Mibbitmaker
July 31st, 2007 at 1:56 am [Reply]

Hey, Eric from A3G! It’s not for you. It’s for someone named Buzz!
Jack Parsons
July 31st, 2007 at 2:23 am [Reply]

CrabbyGenes: if there’s one thing a mudge would like, it’s half of the Cartoon Network Adult Swim lineup. http://www.adultswimfix.com has a lot of their stuff for free viewing.

Also, “Invader Zim” from Nickelodeon.

As to boring banks and hometowns, I grew up in Carmichael, CA, where the Symbionese Liberation Army held up a bank and killed a woman. It’s where the famous shot of Patty Hearst, as “Tania”, is holding a machine gun in a bank security camera photo.

http://www.slate.com/id/2061138/
Jack Parsons
July 31st, 2007 at 3:02 am [Reply]

297: Stinky Pete: You do not need the CC to think mortgage-backed securities are funny. Not funny haha, but funny “what kind of fuckery is this?”.

(c.f. Amy Winehouse)
True Fable
July 31st, 2007 at 3:55 am [Reply]

Look at the Saturday chronology for Dr. Drew, Charterstone Pimp Playa:

June 30: he and Vera exchanged cards; she rates him a “whew!” as he smiles a practiced smile at her.

July 7: he exchanges digits with Dawn; she considers it her lucky day as she gives him the once-over with a sidelong glance.

July 14: Despite his best lines, Pillow Talkin’ Drew can’t dislodge Vera a.k.a. Miss Excitement from her work duties. He is annoyed that marketing outrates him; decides he needs a little marketing for himself.

July 21: Drew is with Dawn at dinner, where she entices him with thinly veiled allusions to sex via saddle talk, and he wants to know more about her in order to manipulate her effectively.

July 28: Drew and Dawn suck face. So much for following Vera all around at the pool party. Drew’s looking for action but this is Mary Worth, where even the action is inaction.

By this Saturday, August 4, I predict Vera will return, expecting Dr. Drew to “whew” right back at her. And when he’s done playing with Dawn, he will.

Now I am certainly expecting a payoff to all this, which hopefully will include dramatic tears, crushed hopes for Mary to feast upon, maybe a slap or two to Dr. Drew or a “I hate men” from Vera. Even better, let’s see Dawn write a letter for advice to her father, who doesn’t know it’s her writing about something so far-fetched as her LOVE LIFE!
And even BETTER, Wilbur advises Dawn to live for today and get some while she can. Which is what Mary might tell her, although Mary is more the “make him pay for every date and never give him sex – oh, and nag him to come home any time he goes somewhere without your permission!”

Eh, it’s not Aldomania but it’s all we’ve got right now.
Tats
July 31st, 2007 at 5:31 am [Reply]

MW: “You seem like you have some good news! Let’s see what we can do about that.”
CrabbyGenes
July 31st, 2007 at 5:35 am [Reply]

to #386 Jack Parsons. Thanks. I’ll have a look!
Tats
July 31st, 2007 at 5:37 am [Reply]

Also, today’s TDIET provides an answer to anyone wondering what Stan Marsh does after South Park ends; he’s apparently laying carpet under the name of Arfo.
willethompson
July 31st, 2007 at 6:03 am [Reply]

RMMD: Evidently, an anti-neutron bomb was placed in the car, as it destroyed the real estate but left the twits alive.

JP: More information about skulldugery by pony-tailed shilly-sallying hooey sayers can be found on the internet.

(DT)GT: lemme get this straight… Gail Martin is being stalked by Comic Book Store Guy?
Blake
July 31st, 2007 at 6:12 am [Reply]

FW: My first reaction to panel #1 was “Tramp Stamp!!!”. Now I’m not so sure. I suppose it could be some major buttcrack action, thereby proving Batiuk is “in the know” when it comes to hip teenagers and their love for low-rise jeans. All that time watching The O.C. has finally paid off for him.
MossMoses
July 31st, 2007 at 6:37 am [Reply]

“I’m sure Dawn will tell you whatever you need to know when she’s ready, Wilbur”.

Translation: Dawn will spill her gut contents to me when I meddle into her love life and I will get to the bottom of this “happiness”. Maybe I’ll tell you about it when I’m ready.
Man behind the curtain
July 31st, 2007 at 6:46 am [Reply]

MW — Confiding in Mary Worth. You may as well post it on the Charterstone bulletin board. Dawn should be quite popular at the next pool party. I’m waiting for word to get out to Vera that she has a rival in the bulding.
colorado
July 31st, 2007 at 7:25 am [Reply]

In today’s Funky Cancerdeath, is that a tattoo on the backside of Jess, right above her ass??
Dean Booth
July 31st, 2007 at 7:26 am [Reply]

#360 Moon: I think those are t-shirt puppies.
Amanda
July 31st, 2007 at 7:44 am [Reply]

July 31 Mary Worth
Dawn asks Mary if she can confide in her?? NO DAWN NO! You’re just feeding the beast!
Tweeks_Coffee
July 31st, 2007 at 8:31 am [Reply]

7/31

A3G: Something really epic is about to happen, but I’m not sure what. Will Eric reject Margo or will she consume his world?

FC: Let the recycled week from hell begin.

FW: That back tattoo really makes it look like she has a hairy crack.

(DT)GT: That’s it? That’s what made you go out and hire random people to protect you? Nasty letters are hardly a security concern, Gail. Sounds to me like she’s just trying to bed Kaz.

MT: Listen, Buzzard, unless you kill her, someone’s going to know. So how about you go ahead and get it over with?

Marvin: For fuck’s sake, why is Armstrong partaking in weeks of self-congratulatory strips. Okay, we get it, the strip’s 25 years old. Even Blondie’s anniversary didn’t last this long.

MW: I think this whole college student story is just a cover. Clearly Dawn’s actually one of the older members of Charterstone, evidenced by her purple kitten ensemble today. I’m not sure what her plan is, but I hope it comes down to murder.

SFx: So this guy’s painting his house black? That’s an…interesting…choice.
Anonymous
July 31st, 2007 at 8:39 am [Reply]

MW: For some reason, I assumed yesterday that Dawn’s tee shirt depicted a chunk of yellow cheese on a purple plate. Today, I see it’s cats.
Professor Fate
July 31st, 2007 at 8:51 am [Reply]

FOOB: Even read backwards this doesn’t make any real sense – but I notice once again it’s the bad bad men causing the problems.

FW: I’m going to go have a difficult and emotionally wrenching moment meeting with my dying of cancer brithmother but first I’m gonna sneak a peek at yer buttcrack.

MW:
Dawn: “Can I confide in you?”
MW: “Yes of course”
Dawn: “My hair is actually an alien parasite and it’s eating my face>”
Major Hooples Boarding House
July 31st, 2007 at 9:08 am [Reply]

Bizarro: -

Margo quotes!
mattt
July 31st, 2007 at 9:10 am [Reply]

A3G – Hm. There might actually be a bit of thematic artistry going on in A3G. Notice how Margo’s annoyance in Sunday’s first panel is poetically mimicked by Alan (or Eric; I can’t keep them straight and, frankly, don’t care to) in today’s last panel.

Now my question: If Eric (or Alan) is an art dealer who’s travels have taken him to China enough to earn the confidence of the locals (so they’ll “tell him things”), why would another trip over suddenly arouse suspicion? Hm?

Indeed, why does he even go to China? There’re enough places around where he can buy stuff stamped “Made in China” that he should just buy that and go somewhere fun.
Hogen Mogen
July 31st, 2007 at 9:14 am [Reply]

Phantom:
Clearly, an intact bow on the canoe, but it was
shot off a few weeks ago. Thought we wouldn’t notice, Phantom? You thought wrong!
Calico
July 31st, 2007 at 9:15 am [Reply]

#400 – haha, cheese cats!

I see Mary is in full meddling mode once again – her nosey-o-meter is turned up to super-high.
It’s like the Slurpee machine at the Quicky Mart in the Simpsons – “Pure slurpee? No one has ever tried this before!”
Meanwhile, the machine (aka Mary) quakes and groans with sucrose and anticipation.
Calico
July 31st, 2007 at 9:17 am [Reply]

#399 – Oh ho, Marge will sink her teeth and talons into the brother, once he’s found and brought back into the 21st century.

It’ll turn into a weird Bob-Carol-Ted-Alice thing, or something even stranger, a la “The Ice Storm.”
And if anyone knows how to ice something over, it’s Margo.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 31st, 2007 at 9:19 am [Reply]

7/31

GT: “I can’t tell you the worst insult I ever heard, but I’m pretty sure I ripped the guy’s jaw off. Heh, good times.”

6C: Margaret Shulock gives us what she didn’t in her Apartment 3G gig: Luann in the afterlife.

Cranky: Jeff is opening an online account for his mother. This leaves open three possibilities. A) She’s computer literate. B) He’s planning to teach her. C) He’s planning to pick her dry, just like the hateful old biddy always thought.

FW: Dammit, now I’m hung up on figuring it out. What is that tattoo on Jessica’s ass? The Hindenburg seems like a pretty good guess.

DtM: “Menace”? No. Too bad there’s not a name that rhymes with “idiot.”

BB: But Louise, if Sarge starts drinking fancy drinks like amaretto, people might think he was… Wait a minute.

Ziggy: Let’s just say that Ziggy had to register for something when he moved into town.

Kudzu: Another weird Marlette premonition.

MW: In panel 1, Mary is so copping a feel.

SFx: If you’re painting your garage pitch black with your mean junkyard dawg tied to the ladder with a rope, you just might be a brain damaged goth redneck.
Calico
July 31st, 2007 at 9:20 am [Reply]

#406 – I mean MARGO, darn it!
More coffee in that MBS mug, mule!
Hogen Mogen
July 31st, 2007 at 9:22 am [Reply]

GT:
Gail: Bob Kaz, we want you to be director of security on my tour!
Kaz: But I’m not really qualified!
Gail: Here’s this large salary package!
Kaz: I’ll take it!
Gail: I’m getting anonymous hate mail. Check it out, it could be serious!
Kaz: Uh, I thought this would involve more pummelling.
Calico
July 31st, 2007 at 9:23 am [Reply]

#407 – SlyFox and the Family Stoned –
That’s what crank will do after a while, in addition to the Marlboros and Bud pounders!
At least he’s not working on the roof, God help us.
Hogen Mogen
July 31st, 2007 at 9:25 am [Reply]

Spidermook:
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20070731&name=Spiderman

Brilliant, JJJ. Do you think that’s the same reason that he wears a mask?
Hogen Mogen
July 31st, 2007 at 9:27 am [Reply]

MW: May I confide in you, the neighborhood gossip?
Hogen Mogen
July 31st, 2007 at 9:31 am [Reply]

In other comic brilliance today: Nurse Practitioner June Morgan performs an amazing feat by correctly diagnosing Hugh’s medical condition: You’re alive! Now would Rex have reached the same conclusion, or would he have waited for the results to come back from the lab?
dreadedcandiru2
July 31st, 2007 at 9:37 am [Reply]

DTM : Aw, CRAP!! The only thing this idiot is menacing anymore is his school’s federal funding.

FW : ‘You started that ball rolling, baby! You gotta see it through!’

C’Shaft: Jeff’s Mom is a Plugger? Who knew?

FBoFW : It’s just as lonely at the middle, Johnny. Especiually when you shove your friends away to play with toy trains.
Man behind the curtain
July 31st, 2007 at 9:37 am [Reply]

A3G — Eric needs to return to China without arousing suspicion. Take Margo with you. She hasn’t been able to arouse anything for years.
Fightin Vague Shape
July 31st, 2007 at 9:37 am [Reply]

MW: Dawn’s doing the world a favor. See, if there happens to be a sniper in the trees, and he shoots her, he can just use the “I was aiming for those kittens” defense. I don’t think there are many juries that would convict him.

FW: I’m not going over to see my birth mother by myself. I’m going to take you, and we’re going to have sex in front of her, which will burn her eyes out of her sockets.

GA: I love you. I know that being a comicy comic, rather than a realistic one, there will be some last-minute change of heart or glitch that prevents anything from actually happening, and I’ll have to rescind my love, but for today, my heart overfloweth.
Man behind the curtain
July 31st, 2007 at 9:39 am [Reply]

MW- Dawn, Drew wants to see your titties, not kitties.
True Fable
July 31st, 2007 at 9:42 am [Reply]

FW I dunno, folks: it looks like a butt crack to me even though it’s probably supposed to be a tat.

Now there’s a lot to be said for the occasional glimpse of that which modesty protects, but I just plain don’t like low-rise induced butt peek. If you display it like trade goods, the object of your interest no longer holds its allure as a temptation to ponder and perhaps win over.
It’s the same with thongs. I don’t care if a girl is of age, cute as Audrey Hepburn and slender as a reed: if she’s wearing a thong and intentionally puts on low-slung jeans for the express purpose of showing off said thong and butt peek, the thrill is gone.

And a girl who is as mercurial as Jessie (”find your birth mother – whaddaya mean, you found your birth mother?!?”) and who evidently doesn’t own a hairbrush much less use one, is someone I’ll take the long road around to avoid.

And yet, when Batiuk does his decade-leap, I’ll bet we’ll see Miss Butt Peek 2007 and Pinocchio nose still together, maybe with a pair of long-nosed beady-eyed children underfoot. It’d serve them right.

Eh, to each his own. Maybe I’m just sensitive because there’s more Fable than fact these days, no matter how diligently I try to work it off. But at least I don’t have Butt Peek when I bend.
/rant
Red Greenback
July 31st, 2007 at 9:46 am [Reply]

#404- Good catch Hogen!
FOOB: This may have already been mentioned, but around these parts “foobs” is slang for fake boobs. That’s all.
Major Hooples Boarding House
July 31st, 2007 at 9:46 am [Reply]

#386

I didn’t know there’s a show about Dingo! And it’s on TV (although really late).
bats :[
July 31st, 2007 at 9:50 am [Reply]

Ahh, a “confiding in Mary Worth” moment.
To be followed by the T.C.I. (typical Charterstone intervention).
To be followed by the distraught T.C.I. victim gettin’ liquored up and driving off a cliff.
Good times.

Dawn and Aldo, reunited at last. She always wondered what was in his big pockets…
rosiethelurker
July 31st, 2007 at 9:51 am [Reply]

Ohmigawd, ohmigawd, ohmigawd, ohmigawd! Dawn is wearing the exact same outfit I had when I was five years old. Did the Mary Worth inkers sneak into my parents’ house and steal photos of me as a kid in the 80s for inspiration of what college kids are wearing today?
Red Greenback
July 31st, 2007 at 9:52 am [Reply]

GA: Dearle’s Gail-braid got a boner in panel three.
Paperback Rifler
July 31st, 2007 at 9:53 am [Reply]

Funky Winkerbean: “Butt crack?” “Tattoo?” Oh, come on, people! It’s obviously cancer!

I am hoping that Tom “I Like to Think of My Comic Strip as Giving the Middle Finger to the Comic-Reading Public” Batiuk continues with the awkward Seinfeld references at the Mother and Child Reunion: “So I guess you know Jessica; she’s just recently started to help me become ‘Master of My Domain.’”
mattt
July 31st, 2007 at 9:55 am [Reply]

(DT)GT – Sorry, one more. “We need to keep an eye on Gail…And see what you can find out!” So Pearl Earring Boy is gonna be a bodyguard, and a private detective? Man, they’re gonna make sure he earns that $700 a week. Now all he needs is a thick black mustache and a Hawaiian shirt! And some dark hair, that’s not feathered. And to lose the earrings. And get a personality. And, um, a lot better writer. Then he’ll be all set!

And what kind of sentence is that? “We need to keep an eye on Gail…And see what you can find out!” ? Man.
Calico
July 31st, 2007 at 9:59 am [Reply]

#413 – COTW NOMINATION

#422 – tomorrow, Dawn will wear her “My Little Pony” ensemble as foreplay.

I think I see what will happen-Mary will invite Dawn and Drew for dinner and a threesome, and Wilbur will get all hot and bothered. He’ll then ask Vera for a revenge Fuck, and all will be well for a few days (years to us).
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 31st, 2007 at 10:02 am [Reply]

#366,
I got the joke in the uncorrected version, but it is a little stronger in the link, since we know Norm was already sitting two feet away. Ah well, use that one for the paperback.
Gabe
July 31st, 2007 at 10:07 am [Reply]

I love how lil’ Mini Me Onyx Mark Trail is sneaking up on Buzzard to give him the most adorable tiny fist o’ justice that his earlobes ever received.
AhClem
July 31st, 2007 at 10:09 am [Reply]

MW – tomorrow, Drew will synchronize with Dawn by wearing his yellow “Barney the Dinosaur” overalls.
commodorejohn
July 31st, 2007 at 10:16 am [Reply]

A3G – Take Margo with you, Eric! She’ll have the Chinese officials groveling on the floor with one cold stare!

Archie – The ALGJU3K knows only that memory cards are and always have been; thus, it does not see the anachronism. I mean, Archie is still clearly taking place in the mid-Sixties, there are just occasional anachronisms caused by the ALGJU3K’s incomplete knowledge of computer history. It cannot believe that there was a time without cell phones and memory cards any more than the super-humans of 2295 will believe that we were their ancestors.

BB – Sarge’s dead, soulless stare as he expresses his preference for beer is crushing.

Crankshaft – Dude, just leave her alone. Let her do her own damn finances if she’s gonna be this bitchy about it. With any luck she’ll become a crazy cat lady and spend her life savings on cat food.

Crock – This entire strip is a glimpse into the mind of a madman.

Curtis – My prayers have been answered. I cannot wait for the rest of this storyline.

DT – Okay, he’s got the package, now he just needs to find the rubber hose, the license plate, the squeaky mouse, the broken 45, and the comic book and he’ll have won the scavenger hunt!

FOOB – Success is evil! Fame eats away at your soul! Stay home! Strive not for achievement! (P.S. why is Pop Foob suddenly wall-eyed in panel two?)

FW – “I’m going to take reinforcements. We’ll surround the house and force her to come out. We need to be careful, though, she might be armed. Unlike Becky.”

GA – They “take you coming and going.”

GT – Well, you know, Gail’s a little more sensitive to criticism than she was in her wilder days.

Luann – Is tuna casserole the Official Food of the American funny pages?

MF – Taking old jokes and wrenching them into vaguely fitting modern sociopolitical situations since 1994!

MT – Oh, you’ll be in trouble, all right. There’s a Fist O’ Justice heading your way, if you only knew about it…

MW – Is that a really short dress, or a really long shirt over the same color shorts? Either way, sexy. Well, as sexy as Dawn’s ever been, that is. If she’d lose that helmet and get a normal face she’d be doing a lot better. Her face in panel two makes it look like she’s going to “confide” in Mary that she’s actually male.

Pluggers – Pluggers work menial, small-time construction jobs and are unfamiliar with technology.

RMMD – “And then somehow I got George Washington’s hairdo!”

Edison Lee – was beat to the Cheney jokes by Prickly City by about three weeks, and they did it better. Big surprise.
SmartPeopleOnIce
July 31st, 2007 at 10:17 am [Reply]

As someone who disappears from time to time myself I feel a little silly asking this, but where the heck is Uncle Lumpy?

Wait a tick!

Josh’s mom visits….

…no Uncle Lumpy.

Hmmm.
Chat Noir
July 31st, 2007 at 10:45 am [Reply]

MW – The cats on Dawn’s shirt are in a cauldron, aren’t they? It’s like a veiled threat to all Mary Worth readers. No good news, only cat soup for you.
commodorejohn
July 31st, 2007 at 10:54 am [Reply]

#375 mumbles mentioned LOLcats when discussing Mary Worth…I couldn’t help myself.
AtomicDog
July 31st, 2007 at 10:54 am [Reply]

Curtis – Eat him! Him and his crazy eyed friend and his useless little brother and his stuck-up girl-who can’t stand him-friend and his walking chimney of a father! Eat him! Oh, God, please eat him! Eat all of them!
T. Chicana
July 31st, 2007 at 10:54 am [Reply]

MW: I think even Mary is a little taken aback. “May I confide in you?” sort of takes away the cruel fun that Mary gets from Columbo-ing, wheedling, needling, haranguing and beating the secrets out of people. I wonder how she will regain her balance? I picture lots of stammering around in a biddy-ish way, and then finally saying something like, “I read somewhere that confiding in someone is the surest way to a better day…”
AtomicDog
July 31st, 2007 at 10:58 am [Reply]

Eat Derrick and “Onion”, too!
Dr. Mad
July 31st, 2007 at 11:02 am [Reply]

It has become common at this site to refer to True Fable as ‘Sir,’ for rather obvious reasons. In light of his recent hand-drawn comic-strip posts, however, I want to put forward a motion to upgrade his level of honor to at least Sardar or Viscount, possibly to Duke or even Prince of Snark. [I personally favor Duke - especially spelled Dux, since it means a leader in war and we are engaged in a long-running battle against tedious and pretentious comic strips]. Hail! True Fable! I will burn incense and pour some wine on the altars for your continuance. Long may you reign.
Poteet
July 31st, 2007 at 11:05 am [Reply]

MW — I think Dawn’s sweaterkittens are supposed to be sitting in a basket. I’m a cat fanatic, but even I think that design is remarkably ugly. Speaking of which, maybe her “good news” is that the specialists have finally figured out how to surgically remove her hair helmet.
Dr. Shrinker
July 31st, 2007 at 11:06 am [Reply]

Usually I’m a big fan of Frazz, but I have to admit, today’s strip completely flummoxed me. Does anyone understand the gag? Is there a gag?
The Divine O’F
July 31st, 2007 at 11:09 am [Reply]

Credit Where Credit is Due

327 Squid Countess: you crack me up.

True Fable: I am enjoying your legal correspondence.

341 Red: BWAHAHAHA!

347 Gojira: Thanks for the link to the Poldark capsule.

And kudos to all the excellent snarkers this morning. This was mentioned at least twice; for those who missed it, check out Mother Goose and Grimm today at http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/fun/mgg.asp .
Gabe
July 31st, 2007 at 11:14 am [Reply]

No, I don’t get it either, Dr. Shrink. I don’t normally read it, so maybe I’m missing some context.
gh
July 31st, 2007 at 11:16 am [Reply]

#341 Red Greenback –

BWAHAHAHAHA! I’ve decided its more fun writing captions for our amusement than the NYer’s.

#353 Gojira –

A most excellent public service!
bats :[
July 31st, 2007 at 11:20 am [Reply]

433. commodorejohn, I salute you!
(Well, for the LOLcat spin ;)
Trotzenbonnie
July 31st, 2007 at 11:31 am [Reply]

Either Dawn is a hip, liberal university student and got her t-shirt here:

http://www.cafepress.com/buy/kitten/-/pv_design_prod/p_874366.17390596/pNo_17390596/id_5717040/fpt_/opt_/c_360/pg_2

or here:

http://www.choiceshirts.com/item/k/a1729c/
Original Lee
July 31st, 2007 at 11:42 am [Reply]

GT – I have come to the conclusion that all of the dizzying plot discontinuities, character shape-changes, and impossible poses of the fall-to-spring strips were due to the authors borrowing the Archie ALGJU3K drawing package whilst they worked on the summer story arcs. If true, then I say, “Go for it! Spend 9 months of the year totally tanked while your office assistant tapes the random output together and faxes it to the syndicate, if only you produce something as wonderful and splendiferous as Gail Martin’s tale for the other 3 months!”

A3G – Ah, the satisfaction of watching Margo trash another relationship by doing what comes naturally. I kinda want to say she runs through fuck buddies like Kleenex, except that would require she actually be friends with her paramours. And then she wouldn’t be Margo anymore, which would be very, very sad.

MW – Dawn! Wake up! Daydreaming through the best parts of your recent saddle experiences sends meddle rays through subspace, and Mary has a very sensitive receiver! Your only hope to avoid being crushed by bland biddyisms is evasive maneuvers!

Naah. She’ll tell Mary all, and Mary will help Wilbur plot a way to prevent any more horseback riding until Dr. Drew can be drugged into submission and the marriage license is signed. Dr. Jeff will troll the wedding guests for Vietnamese orphanage donations, and some random cousin of Wilbur’s will be dragged, kicking and screaming, into the plot so Vera can break her incest habit.
gh
July 31st, 2007 at 11:49 am [Reply]

Archie —

Count Archie claims to have a cell phone he can feed coins into. Why does Jughead suspect he is lying?

First, it’s just stupid. Does some guy come around with a little key and empty out the coin box every night? Second, how does Archie put the coins in? Even dimes have a circumference bigger than the depth of that phone. They’d simply fall back out. Third, even if dimes could fit in, and his pay plan was, say, 5¢/minute, he’s watching a Margoing baseball game on the phone. The pile of coins needed would be bigger than the phone itself. Fourth, … is that a coin return lever on the lower right? Are you kidding me? So where’s the little cup the bent coins drop into, huh? I rest my case.
Joe Btfsplk
July 31st, 2007 at 11:54 am [Reply]

#428 Gabe – Mini Mark had better stay on his tippy-toes, though, ‘cuz Buzzard’s tiny baby rifle shoots the most adorable li’l eensy beensy bullets that ever snuggled into his heart.
ElSanto
July 31st, 2007 at 11:55 am [Reply]

#392 (williethompson) — GT: Hah! Crap, I can’t imagine what would happen if the Comic Store Guy actually did send a letter to Gail Martin.
CSG Letter: “Worst show ever.”
Gail: “Treason! OFF WITH HIS HEAD!”
Anyway, Gail shows Kaz a rather tame piece of criticism and implies that there are worse ones? Yeah, right! Kaz is being set up as a patsy. Gail’s going to kill a newspaper critic, and Kaz is taking the fall.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 31st, 2007 at 11:56 am [Reply]

#440, DO’F
I usually step around MG&G like something unsavory left on the sidewalk, but that is funny.
MossMoses
July 31st, 2007 at 11:58 am [Reply]

397. Dean, keen observation! Those are little puppies in a basket on Dawn Weston’s purple shirt. In the enlarged image, her shirt actually looks like it has a marsupial pouch with puppies in it.

“I’m worried about Dawn, Mary. She seems happy lately. She is supposed to be in a constant state of low level depression from the empty, soul sucking, sterile environment she lives in. Could you meddle into her personal life and find out what’s wrong”?
AhClem
July 31st, 2007 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

#446 gh -
Not only that, the whole damn booth is missing, not to mentioned the shredded phone books hanging from steel cables.
Gabe
July 31st, 2007 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

gh, see, it’s almost a funny gag, until you think about it. AGUJ3000 is trying, but sometimes forgets a gag need a bit of internal logic to work
Plasma
July 31st, 2007 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

Crankshaft: This old lady fills me with hate. I want nothing more than to see her die in the most painful way possible. Alas, this is Crankshaft, where the motif is evil old people hanging on to life for decades longer than they have any right to, and not Funky Winkerbean, where the motif is tragedy and terminal illnesses striking young people.
Joe Btfsplk
July 31st, 2007 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

Apartment 3-G – Best scenario: Eric didn’t even send the flowers. Now Margo is about to make an ass of herself, while back at LuAnn’s Margo-free and suddenly festive party, a serene smile slowly curls across Ruby Wright’s lips.
Joe Btfsplk
July 31st, 2007 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

A3G again – And I forgot to mention that I find the parallel ring-ring-ring-NOW WHAT?! and buzz-buzz-buzz-NOW WHAT?! panels extremely humorous.
True Fable
July 31st, 2007 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

#450 MossMoses – Karen Moy and Joe Giella must read this blogsite, and decided to give us a shoutout.

I’ve got a few ideas for a Mary Worth parody, but I don’t want Karen and Joe getting into a big huff about it. I did the Mark Trail: Fist of Justice out of love, and that is exactly what I will do for Mary Worth. I love serial strips despite the fact that they are sometimes stodgey and ALWAYS slow and draggy as hell. They are still a hoot and the world would be less amusing without them.

I mock FBOFW because I have a personal vendetta against comic strips that are sensible-plot starved to death by the relentless egoist at the helm. Yes, Lynn baby; I’m talking ’bout YOU, kissy phat. Now STFU, precious prune, I’m not done. I will do a Pasty White Folks 2: The Lurch Toward Armageddon first chance I get. This ain’t over ’til the fat bossy Canadian housefrau with the ugly bun and the party-favor rattling tongue sings.
Dingo
July 31st, 2007 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

So, I checked out that show on AdultSwim about me – Frisky Dingo – and it’s great! Even has my sense of humor. Now if I only could get a share of the profits.

Oh, and I didn’t get the job in Tempe but they still haven’t made a decision in New York.
Uncle Lumpy
July 31st, 2007 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

#431 SPoI –

Wait a tick!

Josh’s mom visits….

…no Uncle Lumpy.

Hmmm.

No, no, it’s nothing like that. . . I was on a trip, yeah, that’s it . . . visiting a family member. Uh, back East.

So it’s nothing like what you might think.
gh
July 31st, 2007 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

#457 Dingo –

Tempe’s loss, I’d say. We need you back east of the Mississippi anyway to mantain snarker balance.
SmartPeopleOnIce
July 31st, 2007 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

Encouraged by the success of RMMD in cracking the vital 18 to 41 male demographic, the suits at King Features instruct Giella and Moy to include sweater kittens in MW.

In hindsight, there is general agreement that the memo should have been more carefully worded.
SmartPeopleOnIce
July 31st, 2007 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

PS: Hey Lumps! Good to see you are hereabouts.
katherine
July 31st, 2007 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

….last?
Joe Btfsplk
July 31st, 2007 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

Fred Basset – I don’t pay much attention to this strip generally, but there’s something odd about this one. The strip seems even more sketchily drawn than usual, the background in particular, as if a rough draft had been sent in by mistake instead of a finished strip (click on “Previous Week” for a representative sampling). The door lacks any shading to indicate that it has a particular color, weakening the joke and adding to the unfinished impression.

Never mind that the joke fails in any case because a dog would see only shades of grey, even if the strip were printed in color.
Paperback Rifler
July 31st, 2007 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

So the following was inspired by Chat Noir’s “cats in a cauldron” quip at #432. I only could muster two verses and a chorus, but I’m pretty sure that it’s just enough for thread-ending purposes. Anyway, apologies to everybody everywhere except for Harry Chapin, since I’m not really too keen on the original song:

My girl went out just the other night;
Said she would study, but it didn’t seem right.
I’ve noticed lately she’s been smiling more;
She’s walking bow-legged, and her butt is sore.
And I know that she’s up to something secretly
When she should be spending time with me, yeah;
She should spend every night with me.

And the cats in the cauldron on a purple shirt;
Helmet-haired Dawn and that snoop, Mary Worth.
Do you have some news, Dawn? Say where and when —
Mary’s gonna meddle then, Dawn.
She’s gonna meddle big time then.

Well, she came home from cramming just the other day,
She’s giggling and beaming; I just had to say,
“Dawn, is there something you’d like to share?”
She said I was jealous ’cause I can’t grow hair.
And I wish I could get advice from “Ask Wendy,”
But the problem is, “Wendy” is me. Damn!
I’ll have to meddle by proxy.

And the cats in the cauldron on a purple shirt;
Helmet-haired Dawn and that snoop, Mary Worth.
Do you have some news, Dawn? Say where and when —
Mary’s gonna meddle then, Dawn.
She’s gonna meddle big time then.
commodorejohn
July 31st, 2007 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

#464 – Paperback Rifler strikes again!
Krauthead
July 31st, 2007 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

Foob:
“I pledge foob-llegiance, to the Foob, of the United Foobs of the Foobirverse. And to the Patterfoobs, for which they stand, all Foobs, under Lynn-foob, indivisifoob, with foobery and foobishness for all.”
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
July 31st, 2007 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

#463 Joe — Plus, I would think a dog wouldn’t go by the visual appearance of the door, but rather by smell as well as the kinesthetic memory of the route that it walked. (Is “kinesthetic” a word, and am I using it in the right way?)

In a sense, though, you could almost say that’s precisely the joke. I think the whole point of the strip Fred Basset is that the dog is partly like a dog and partly like a human, with an uncanny ability to verbalize his inner thoughts. This dichotomous nature of Fred the Basset Hound is somewhat amusing to a small minority of us.
Mountain Mama
July 31st, 2007 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

There is too much, let me sum up……

Divine O’F: We can do a Tucson meet anytime you want next month, except from the 16th to the 22nd. I will be visiting my new niece in CO!

Dingo: My condolences on the Tempe job, but really, dear, you don’t want to come here. However, if you do ever find yourself in the area again, my offer of a margarita is still good. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for the NY gig.

And FOOB still foobs, MW still drags (”I’ll get you, my pretty, and those little kittens, too!”), and JP is getting boring. Hydrology studies? Really?

However, Gail is now in my beloved home state and I’ll take it as a personal shout-out. Call me, weird GT artists! I’m sure she’s playing the Wheeling Civic Center and I couldn’t be prouder. Where next? The Rose Theater in Clarksburg?
I Pity The Foob
July 31st, 2007 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

Modern Lit professors, it’s time to update your curricula:

(Gag alert! 7/31 Coffee Talk entry)

Your creative efforts over the past decades have created an entirely new literary genre. The illustrated story, with fully developed characters, plot lines and serious dealing with real social and moral issues in a fictional context is more than mere entertainment, although it surely is that. For Better or for Worse has become something like the Charles Dickens or the Hemmingway of our times. You are to be congratulated on thus expanding and enriching the body of English Literature.

John, Canada
zeeba
July 31st, 2007 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

Sorry, y’all, traveling back to some yesterthreads. I’m slow on the uptake….

Allie Cat & Trotzenbonnie: about yesterday’s snark…no way was I putting down ALL band geeks. I was one myself. It was just the snark, you know, to apply it somehow to the fated relationship between Jess and Darin–it just can’t last.

And for LTBF, who corrected me on the “real mom” thing–I stand corrected, EXCEPT have we ever really seen Darin’s “real mom?” Hmmm???
commodorejohn
July 31st, 2007 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

#469 I Pity The Foob – Note that the fellow saying this is from Canada. Clearly he wants his country to be recognized for its comic strip accomplishments. (Oops, sorry, “graphic novel!”) I’d tend to agree with him, though, in that I think Dickens sucks nearly as much as FOOB sucks. I’ve never read Hemingway.
AhClem
July 31st, 2007 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

John in Canada has got to be one of us in full sarcasm mode. At least, for the sake of humanity, I hope that’s the case.
Allie Cat
July 31st, 2007 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

#470 – I knew you weren’t seriously snarking on band geeks, it’s all good.

AS for Darin’s bio mom vs the mom who raised him – we have seen his mother a time or two – in fact, at Les and Lisa’s wedding, which would have been maybe in 1996(?), Ann Fairgood was there with her son – it was a Halloween Costume wedding. Lisa looked at Darin, wearing a Lone Ranger mask, lifted it, and told Ann that Darin had Ann’s eyes.

No, my memory isn’t that good – I bought a Funky Winkerbean book last fall (before I started the anti-depressants) and it’s in there.
Poteet
July 31st, 2007 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

# 471 — Commodorejohn, I like a lot of Dickens, but I will defend to the death your right to hate him. If anyone here loves Foob, however, you’re on your own.

MW — I wasted two precious irreplaceable minutes of my dwindling life staring again at Dawn’s fugly purple shirt, and I still say those are kittens, not puppies. Not good kittens, but kittens.
katherine
July 31st, 2007 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

last!
John
July 31st, 2007 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

Shoe: Folks, you all missed this one: Gilmore is of course the former Governor of Virginia, whose Presidential campaign just died about as painful a death and who then got flushed. Remember that MacNelly got his start at the Richmond Times-Dispatch and lived in the Northern VA countryside.
Jimbo
August 3rd, 2007 at 9:51 am [Reply]

I can’t believe that you didn’t make a comment about Luann’s heinie hanging out for the 1st time when her mom walked in on her. For shame! What an important moment in history, ignored!
Anonymous
September 24th, 2007 at 7:25 am [Reply]

hey clark kent isme black kitycat
SF McCaul
December 20th, 2007 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

I have an idea about where the morbidity of mid-summer Shoe came from. The anniversary of MacNelly’s death is- according to Wikipedia- June 10th. How long does it take for a strip to be published after it’s drawn? Because it’s possible that these strips were drawn right around early to mid June, and the people involved- close friends to MacNelly in life- were all really depressed about the anniversary.
Is there a trend here? In the past several years has Shoe always been really dark around midsummer?
Jack Hare
February 23rd, 2008 at 2:21 am [Reply]

Kind of late to be commenting on this one, but for the record, Eric’s handwriting clearly IS talking in panel six.
???????
January 28th, 2010 at 1:00 am [Reply]

???????, ?????)))

Please read the posting and discussion policies before posting. You are not required to supply an e-mail address to comment; however, doing so decreases the likelihood of your comment being flagged as spam. E-mail addresses will never be made public or seen by anyone but the site writers, who may use them to communicate with commentors.

Archives:

Comment of the week:

Main navigation:

Main content:

Genghis Drew

481 responses to “Genghis Drew”

Leave a Reply

All the cool kids…

Randomly Selected Post O’ Mystery