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Grim and grimmer

Hi and Lois, 8/9/07

Ho ho! Hi’s decided to take his family on a bizarre Western “dream vacation,” which, as we’ve seen over the past week or so, several of the Flagstons are dubious about. Now we learn that they couldn’t even afford the trip! Hi knows the family is being crushed by credit card debt, and he’s looking desperately for some magical way to get out of the hole! Maybe they’ll go bankrupt and their house will be repossessed! Too bad about that housing bubble bursting, eh Lois? Wait, where’s Lois? My guess: prostituting herself so they can afford dinner tonight, or perhaps committing suicide.

Beetle Bailey, 8/9/07

Hee hee! Cookie has one job to do at Camp Swampy — one — and he’s terrible at it, and everybody on base — the men who are supposed to be his comrades — lets him know it. Naturally this is killing him inside, so he climbs up on the roof. Maybe he just wants to get away for a bit, maybe it’s a plea for attention. Either way, the soldiers’ hatred is just further inflamed, and they openly call for his suicide.

They’ll Do It Every Time, 8/9/07

Hardy hardy har! That feeling of overwhelming love and oneness you get at the beginning of a relationship? Turns out it’s just equal parts sexual attraction and self-delusion! Once you’ve finally chosen to spend your life with a person, that’s when the scales fall from your eyes and you realize you’re chained to another insufferably imperfect human being, forever — and the only way out is suicide.

(Dear God, I hope “you know who” isn’t Al Scaduto’s wife.)

The Phantom, 8/9/07

It’s been pretty well established that what’s-his-name, the dude with the gun, is pretty reluctant about using it, so it’s actually fairly plausible that this couple could literally be beating up an armed man with both hands tied behind their back (the husband is doing the head-butting today, but yesterday his wife managed to get in a good foot to the groin). This is fortunate, because otherwise the Ghost-Who-Doesn’t-Do-Much might have to intervene, which would cut into his valuable musing time.

Family Circus, 8/9/07

I feel weird saying this about the Family Circus, but there’s a lot I love about this cartoon. I love that Billy looks genuinely angry that he’s going to be spending four valuable hours a night staring at this tiny television set while they’re at the grandparents’ house — so angry that he appears to be shouting at the screen at the top of his lungs. I love the look on Thel’s face in the other room, as she realizes that her unruly, obnoxious children are once again going to make her look bad in front of her own parents. I love the way Big Daddy Keane is marching in from off-panel — because this is a panel from the pre-PC ’70s, presumably Billy will be getting the strap again in short order. And I love the fact that PJ is awkwardly holding his shorts up, probably because he’s just crapped in them.

Mary Worth, 8/9/07

Drew, you’re a healer! You took the Hippocratic Oath! And yet your colleague here is clearly either having a stroke or is bombed out of his mind on the job, and all you can say is “Geez”. For shame!

442 responses to “Grim and grimmer”

  1. Inspector Dim
    August 9th, 2007 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey needs to make more use of Lt. Flap, whose awesome first lines in the strip (back in 1970) were an enraged “How come there’s no blacks in this honkie outfit?!” Glorious.

    Interestingly, his hair hasn’t changed since.

  2. AtomicDog
    August 9th, 2007 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: Do the Bumsteads know that their dog is able to teleport? Check out panels two and three.

  3. gh
    August 9th, 2007 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    Ah . . . the perfect antidote to WordCrack.

  4. Inspector Dim
    August 9th, 2007 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    Why the heck is Nosy Older Doctor actually saying “wink”? What’s his next line going to be: “I bet she’s great in bed, what with those awesome titties! Erection!”

  5. Non-Shannon
    August 9th, 2007 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    Cookie is actually on the roof trying to get some quality time with his Star Wars brand pointy white robot dildo. He has a bit of a Boba Fett-ish.
    Wah waaaaaaaah!

  6. Charles
    August 9th, 2007 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    Is that Fred Willard guest-starring in today’s Mary Worth?

  7. Tweeks_Coffee
    August 9th, 2007 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    I like how the sound effect of getting head butted in the neck is BONK. Meantime; what are the teenagers doing in the background? Hadn’t they pretty well wrapped up everything else?

  8. mere cog in the machine
    August 9th, 2007 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: I say he’s drunk. He’s clearly closing one eye so that he doesn’t see double. Also, he’s beginning to remind me a little of Eric Idle’s “nudge, nudge” character from Monty Python. Actually, mentioning Rex Morgan and Monty Python in the same post kind of makes me feel dirty.

  9. js
    August 9th, 2007 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    Whenever I’m trying to get a message across on the sly, I always make sure to say “Wink” as I do it, lest my salacious intent be confused for palsies.

  10. js
    August 9th, 2007 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    Plus, my eyes totally make a “wink” noise, like a door squeeling as it shuts.

  11. Hungarian Great Bela Tarr
    August 9th, 2007 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    So . . . I’m just looking at this blog for the first time at the cajoling of friends who are, improbably, dorkier than I.

    The verdict: comic strips are (still) terribly stupid and stupidly terrible — and fucking depressing — except, apparently, when you and your commenters* are writing about them. (I especially love the Archie posts.)

    * (It’s always a little creepy to stumble on a comment board where literacy is the rule, rather than the exception. Like, seriously? I’m nervous.)

  12. Dennis Jimenez
    August 9th, 2007 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    6 – I don’t think so.

  13. Lettuce
    August 9th, 2007 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    MW: Geez, how long until Dr. McWinksalot just gets around to asking whether Dawn has any single friends, or, barring that, a suggestive Facebook page? Since it’s Mary Worth, I’m guessing a month.

  14. Perky Bird
    August 9th, 2007 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    RMMD– Dr. Mc Snowywhite seems to be morphing slowly into Jay Leno in panel one.

  15. Tweeks_Coffee
    August 9th, 2007 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    #11 – Hungarian Great Bela Tarr: Welcome to the club! The thing that first got me hooked on this site were the reviews of the serial strips (Mark Trail, Mary Worth and Gil Thorp especially), so I’d recommend you check out some of those posts.

  16. Chloe The Cat
    August 9th, 2007 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    Welcome Bela Tarr, You have to watch your grammar, spelling, a punctuation here as well. They are very nice when they correct you though.

  17. Inspector Dim
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    Actually, I amend what I said in post #1. Lt. Flap’s afro has gotten noticeably smaller, while his originally tiny helmet has grown since 1970.

  18. Gabe
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    “Bid Daddy Kane?” Is he hopelessly addicted to ebay?

  19. Ginger Yellow
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    MW: Look at me! I’m John Kerry, and I’m reporting for duty.

  20. Paperback Rifler
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    Wow! I’m getting in during the first hundred! It’s too bad I used up my snark on the last thread.

    I did, however, compose the following for your ignoring pleasure. It’s based on “Tiny Dancer,” and the rhyming goes a little better if you use the “official” pronunciation of “Batiuk” as “battick.” (True story: Before I learned the proper pronunciation, I was pronouncing “Batiuk” as “morbidly sadistic douchebag.”) And I didn’t write out where the song repeats. Anyway, apologies to Elton John, Bernie Taupin, tiny dancers, and everybody everywhere:

    Lisa lawyer, smirk employer,
    Gave birth before she’d wed.
    Cognoscente, puns aplenty;
    She married a helmet-head.
    Pale demeanor, you must have seen her
    Smirking with the best.
    And now she’s done in, by a run-in
    With some cancer of the breast.

    Lisa’s waning; she stopped complaining —
    She knows her creator’s cruel.
    Turning back, she just laughs
    To hear him shout, “More cancer, mule!”
    Though she’s worried, she’s in no hurry;
    A quick end it won’t be.
    Now she must suffer; Batiuk’s a snuffer
    Who savors human misery.

    But oh, how it feels untrue;
    Her doc screwed up, but she won’t sue.
    The end’s in view, but it’s so cloying.
    And she says softly . . . slowly . . .

    “Kill me now, malignant cancer
    With your tumors metastatic.
    Leave me smirking with the fishes;
    Please save me from that bastard Batiuk.”

  21. Chloe The Cat
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    Trotzenbonnie Re previous thread: Duly noted.
    “Ohww my nose!” No really, I just meant… Oh never mind, Trotzenbonnie, Trotzenbonnie, Trotzenbonnie, that’s all anyone cares about. :(

  22. El Santo
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    Heh. I’m loving the “Wink!”

    Drew’s next words, though, should’ve been, “Oh no you di-n’t!”

  23. Epoxy Creep
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: (Not the one with the drunk Doctor, the real one): The guy in the raft is waving at the satellite? Seriously, WTF?

  24. TeacherPatti
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    I dig that neon-yellow/green shirt on the dude in the background of today’s Mary Worth. In the 7th grade (circa 1985), I had a sweatshirt that color, as well as matching earrings and socks. Good times.

    I think that perhaps I need a vacation from Funky W. Last night, I had a dream that I had cancer and lost my hair. I think I’ll immerse myself in Family Circus, instead. That way, the worst thing that I’ll dream about is kids crapping their pants, freakshow grandparents and Big Daddy telling Dolly that he’s got something in his front pocket for her.

  25. man behind the curtain
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    #22 ElSanto — No Dr. Drew’s next words should ahve been “Just what do you mean by that, raised eyebrows?”

  26. sonneta
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    I think the most evil part of “Hi and Lois” is that the kids are (evilly?) smirking at the thought of their parents going deep into debt. Hey, kiddos- that’s your college fund they’re spending.

  27. rich
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    Oh, right, Karen’s mom and dad, the whole reason the Phantom took on this rescue mission. So while he’s been standing around watching the half-naked boys fling their oars (and presumably “messing with people’s heads”) those poor saps have been left to rescue themselves!

    Ghost works in mysterious ways.

  28. gh
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    #11 Hungarian Great Bela Tarr –

    Welcome aboard! And no need to be nervous. Just don’t get Uncle Lumpy started on A La Recherché du Temps Perdue.

  29. Major Hooples Boarding House
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    #7 – Tweeks Coffee –

    The BONK! you hear is Ed McMahon getting hit on the chin. This is a disgruntled couple who found out those checks aren’t worth the cardboard they’re printed on and blew the whistle…(You think all those Publisher Clearinghouse Prizes are given out?)

  30. Perky Bird
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    Re #14–D’oh! I meant “Mary Worth”, NOT “Rex Morgan”! (I’m getting my “Doctors Who Never Actually Practice Medicine” mixed up.

  31. colorado
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    I see Coach Kaz seems to hittin’ on Gail Martin today while still wearin’ his pearls…

  32. rich
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    23, Epoxy Creep (a Massachusetts reference?) — Actually, he was shown waving at a helicopter a couple of months ago, but that point seems to have been forgotten.

  33. gh
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    #20 Paperback Rifler –

    Wow, wow, and wow.

  34. Lord-z
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    I hope that the next Mary Worth will just be Winky there, following Drew around while talking about sex and saying actions. “You hitting that? Smile. Gettin’ a little collegeaction? Pelvis-thrust. I wouldn’t mind a piece of that ass, myself. Humping desk.”

  35. Lettuce
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    Hi and Lois: The Gold Rush may have been over 150 years ago, but the rush of watching Hi sift through bright blue industrial waste will never subside.

    I also like how, true to historical record, Old Gus managed to saddle up a Warg.

  36. Inspector Dim
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    Garfield ate a fish! And it wasn’t even slathered in butter and/or pasta sauce.

    It’s all right, animal rights fans. Given the size of that fish compared to the size of its bowl, it had absolutely nothing to live for anyway. In fact, I imagine the water in there was getting pretty nasty.

  37. Meanwhile
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    Is it any surprise that these old Family Circuses are more entertaining than the ones manufactured by Jeffy? No.

    What’s surprising is that Beetle did not take Lt. Flap up on his clumsy overture at tongue-kissing makeouts in panel two, even after all the talk about meatballs (which I assume would count as Camp Swampy’s version of foreplay).

  38. BigTed
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    I love the way “Mary Worth” brings back the sitcom convention that when an older man dates a “college girl,” she must be a sexy bimbo with nothing to talk about. When in fact, all college students do most of the day is drink beer and talk about politics, or drink wine and talk about philosophy, or smoke pot and talk about how weird their hands look. (Not to mention the fact that Dawn’s about as girlish as Mary in ankle socks.)

    As for today’s “Crankshaft”: The old guy’s daughter seems worried that he’ll fall off that ladder, so she piles pillows and a mattress at its base. But since the ladder’s at an angle, if he did fall, that’s not where he would land. I guess it’s fair to say she’s still a little miffed about him spending her inheritance on college tuition for all those juvenile delinquents.

  39. --MC
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Hi and Lois — well, whichever Browne is doing the strip these days, blew it. Switch the two speeches around and the strip improves just a slight amount, like putting non-dairy creamer into cold coffee.

  40. Rainbird
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    #23 Epoxy Creep But in the Sunday strip about 18 years ago or so (seconds in RMMD time) there was a airplane they were waving at. Perhaps it got photoshopped out.

  41. jvwalt
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    If you think lil’ Billy is honked off about Grandm’s tiny TV set, just wait till he finds out what those rabbit ears mean. No cable, no satellite, not even a fuckin’ remote! He’s gonna open up a big can of “Not Me” on this benighted household.

    I also like the background of this picture: Grandma has cornered Thel in the kitchen, and is babbling on and on about how her darling son “likes it.”

    And by “it” I mean tuna casserole, you potty-minds!

  42. mere cog in the machine
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    Is Bill Keane dead? I mean, like, in a literal sense?

  43. ortho_bob
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    Thought you might have something to say about the world’s most inert detective in today’s Mark Trail. But it looks like there’s gonna be plenty of shouting about RELEASING BIRDS and a double thumping tomorrow. Those two mustaches just waiting to be punched right across the room.

  44. Epoxy Creep
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    #s 32 & 40 – But the helicopter last spring didn’t see the raft, despite being about 50 ft. away, & these are supposed to be the satellite photos using the blah-blah hot shit high tech lenses, aren’t they?

  45. Norville Barnes
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    In the Family Circus, it kind of looks like the TV has a built-in VCR on the front. But that couldn’t be right, could it? I mean, the TV also has dial controls. So weird…

  46. T Campbell
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:42 pm [Reply]


  47. CT Alan
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    Today’s BB made me think of a great Comic Book Guy quote.
    “This is a very rare Beetle Bailey in which Lt. Flap has advised a friend to commit suicide.”

  48. mattt
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    MT “This is Detective Jones. He’d like to ask you a few questions.”
    QUESTIONS? Why would he want to ask US questions?”


  49. Vincent
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    TDIET: Ho-ho! Women are all secretly Crouching Siren, Hidden Bitch! Men, just trying to do the honorable thing by settling down with a lovely lady in their prime are locked into an eternal, low-flame pit of drudgery and nagging servitude. See? He’s totally justified in doing his secretary a couple years down the road.

    This strip boggles my mind and offends me on some level almost consistently. If it’s not ham-fistedly regressive, it’s… actually, it’s pretty much always ham-fistedly regressive. And what is with the way it’s written? Is that even an accent (in other strips moreso than this one)?

    End rant.

    FW: Is Baituk just trying to rectify a plot point he forgot to deal with when it made sense with just now revealing to their kids she’s got cancer? I mean, wow.

    MW: I laughed out loud when I read this last night. I also love how inconsistently White-Clad Doctor Colleague is drawn.

  50. AeroSquid
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    FC Alternate Caption: “Activate Neural Interplex Gaming Session ! VR Mode. COMPUTER ! I say again ! Activate Neural Interplex Gaming Session !
    DAD !!! Grandma’s Translinear Entertainment Cube is broken ! And P.J.’s Waste Recycling Nano-Bots are down !

  51. poppinjay
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    #48 heh…..

    Guess which one will be the bitch in prison?

  52. AhClem
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    Wait until Billy discovers that Grandma’s computer is an IBM PC with DOS 2.0, a monochrome monitor and 1200-baud dial-up modem. Boy, will he be honked off when his porn takes hours to load.

  53. MyEvilTwin
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    I’ve gotta say, the “BONK!” in the Phantom’s last panel would have been the perfect sound-effect for the famous Drew & Dawn “kiss” during their recent pony ride.

    “Let’s touch foreheads akwardly!”

  54. Toronto
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    #42: no, Bil is still alive and seaching for the other one L-ed man.

  55. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    When someone says the word “wink” out loud while winking, it always makes me think of a 1998 Simpsons episode that features a spectacular example of Homer’s obliviousness. It’s the one where Homer and Bart befriend some carnival workers, and if you want to read the relevant dialogue, go to this page and search for the string “Wiggum arrives”.

    Oh, and Paperback Rifler? That Tiny Dancer parody? You win the internet. (I particularly like rhyming “metastatic” with “bastard Batiuk”.)

  56. Alex
    August 9th, 2007 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    TDIET: Wait a second, many relationships tend to become contentious after marriage? Holy crap! I’m glad “You know who” was there to make such an hilarious and clever observation!

  57. andreavis
    August 9th, 2007 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    Geez, I haven’t looked at The Phantom in two months, and I see by today’s strip, those idiots are still being held hostage by Roger Ebert? (??) Whatever happened to their daughter, who they sent overboard into the dark sea to swim for help? WHY do I care?

  58. Uncle Lumpy
    August 9th, 2007 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    #11 Hungarian Great Bela Tarr –


    #28 gh –

    Just don’t get Uncle Lumpy started on A La Recherché du Temps Perdue

    ‘Cuz Uncle Lumpy is serious about tasty, tasty chicken!

    That, and illeism.

  59. SecretMargo
    August 9th, 2007 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    28 (re: 11) gh — So you’re welcoming her [him?] into our midst with a bilingual Proust/GT joke about misplaced “e”s (and accent marks)? Talk about starting with the hard stuff!

    Though such a joke does indeed embody, in a bracingly distilled form, all that is lovely about this site. Aaaah.

    Bienvenue! indeed!

  60. Zhubin
    August 9th, 2007 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    I love how the husband is adamantly defending his decision to testify against Dan, not because he felt morally compelled to expose Dan’s crimes, but because testifying was his civic duty. I hope his militant enthusiasm for good citizenship eclipses better reasons for his actions in other areas, too:

    “I HAD to vote against Proposition 37 and its elimination of women’s suffrage, damn you! Voting is my OBLIGATION!”

  61. Deborah
    August 9th, 2007 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    MW: “Geez” actually translates as “Geez, he’s suggesting I’m having actual sex! With an actual girl! This is humiliating but I suppose it means I have successfully disguised the fact that I am actually a Vulcan (see: hair) and have sex by holding my fingers straight up except for once every seven years.

    “Or something.”

    #45 Norville Barnes: You must be young. The panel in front of the miniscule TV is where the controls for manually adjusting picture are. One to make skin green, one to make skin fuzzy, one to make Outer Limits appear.

  62. Mechanist
    August 9th, 2007 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    FC: I know people often look like their parents, but isn’t it a little weird that Thel looks like her mom’s clone? I mean minus about 75 pounds.

  63. gh
    August 9th, 2007 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    #58 UL, #59 Smargo –

    That’s the last time I cut and paste from wikipedia. Well, probably not.

  64. mere cog in the machine
    August 9th, 2007 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    Here in hot, fetid Philadelphia our Sunday paper has a feature called “The Minds that Make the News” or something along those lines. They will ask a featured prominent individual a list of questions, among which is, “What is your favorite comic strip?”. If the person is an ivory-towered academician the usual response is, “I don’t read the comics”. If the person is a somewhat liberal grass-roots fund raiser, the automatic answer is “Doonesbury”, or, sometimes, “Calvin and Hobbes”. If the person is a right-of-center religious leader, or is a hundred years old, the response is always “The Family Circus”. The point is that of the three strips that are cited most, one is dead, one is moribund, and the other seems at times like it is struggling for relavancy. Are people ashamed to admit to reading the funny pages? Oh, and not once has this site been mentioned among the “favorite websites” category; a fact I for one feel personally insulted by.

  65. AeroSquid
    August 9th, 2007 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    H&L: Riddled with heat exhaustion and greed; Hi tazers Ol’ Gus’ Ol’ genetalia until he reveals the location of Ol’ Gus’ gold stash.

  66. Different Dan
    August 9th, 2007 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    Wasn’t “Nudnik” the name of the home planet of the alien invaders from the cartoon Invasion of the Bunny Snatchers?

  67. Andrea D and The Grandstanding Oddballs
    August 9th, 2007 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    #34 Lord-z: That made my day. Thanks.

    I can’t help but wonder if there is a POINT to Dr. Winky McWhitepants making all these comments. Are we to believe that Drew is going to start questioning his relationship with Dawn?

    And please – the idea that they have nothing to talk about! If the conversation gets slow, they can always talk about how awkward Dawn was before she morphed into a beautiful… er. Before.

  68. Zac
    August 9th, 2007 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    I’ve just noticed that it seems that Jeff Keene is no longer helping his father Bil do the family circus anymore (his signature is missing). Looking at the archives, it seemed to happen mid-July. Strange.

  69. Sugar and Spike
    August 9th, 2007 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    fwooshka mnorphhhwa*

    *Some real classics today!

    Curtis: Panel 3 is simply superb.

    Blondie: The punch line is hardly surprising — who needs to ogle Rachel Ray when you have Blondie Boopadoop Bumstead right there on the couch?

    Mark Trail Panel 3: That thing on Brylcreem Guy’s face is either the world’s largest drop of sweat or the world’s smallest leech.

    And that Detective Jones. Just a bit underdrawn today.

  70. Andrea D and The Grandstanding Oddballs
    August 9th, 2007 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    #64 – Well, that makes sense, doesn’t it? Comic non-readers wouldn’t be interested, we don’t snark Doonesbury or C&H, and people who actually LIKE Family Circus wouldn’t understand our hostility towards it.

  71. Eh Readers? [nee Kip W]
    August 9th, 2007 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    Sorry, time’s cutting me off at the knees lately (a job came in, and I have to work), so I can’t check to see who else has said this, but…

    FW – Isn’t it heartwarming that even after she’s been dead for years, she can record a bunch of messages on video so that, provided there’s still a way to play mini-VHS, her family can replay her words and see her face and be bummed out all over again?

  72. Trotzenbonnie
    August 9th, 2007 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    I’ll just assume that everyone made the requisite jokes about Cookie’s meat balls in a prior thread.

    #59 – SecretMargo
    Yeah! What you said. I think.

    22 Luftballoons (from previous thread) –
    Well, I’m so happy for you. Really. That’s so romantic. Twenty-five years after we graduated, my high school sweetheart bought a house around the corner from me and every time he saw me on the street he pretended that he didn’t even know me…….Friggin bastard.


  73. rich
    August 9th, 2007 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    From the Journal of Michael Patterson — Author.

    Dear Journal (and my future biographers),

    I have taken, of late, to surreptitiously spying on my sister Elizabeth and her dashing beau Anthony Caine, quietly taking notes, in order to add a dose of verisimilitude to my next romantic “page turner.”

    I overheard the following, late last night, in the garden:

    “So long…so very, very long.”
    “And yet?”
    “Our hearts know –”
    “As do I.”
    “That we have waited.”
    “To — ?”
    “But here, Anthony? In the roses? Again?”
    “As they shed their petals…so shall you and I shed our clothing.”
    “Oh — Anthony! Is that you??”
    “Yes…though I credit the penis pump…it was Francie’s idea.”
    “So very long…so very, very, very long.”

    My publisher assures me that with dialogue like this I surely have the makings of yet another superbly compelling, intensely emotional story.

    Patterson… out!

  74. Josh
    August 9th, 2007 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    #68 Zac — Jeff’s been on vacationa and they’ve been re-running repeats from the Bil-only era since mid-July. Thus the lack of a signature from Jeffy.

    To whoever above asked if Bil were dead — no, he’s not. He gets to enjoy retirement while the money continues to roll in, and Jeffy gets to work out his jaw-dropping childhood issues. Everybody wins.


  75. Chris
    August 9th, 2007 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    Coach Kaz is sure earning his big bucks this week…I’m betting the culprit is the Ben Franklin lookalike drummer…he protesteth too much.

    Billy’s anger about the tiny telly is one of the “adjustments” Jef Keane is making to the vintage strips to bring them up to date. The original caption probably was, “Dad! Grandma and Granddad have a TV! Can we watch Walt Disney tonight?!”

    Because back in the old days, the Keane’s didn’t make enough money to afford a TV. And Bil wore an onion on his belt, which was the style of the times.

  76. Brown-eyed Girl
    August 9th, 2007 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    Master Soft Heart advised the Phantom to let the hostages overpower the villian, so the healing could begin. But I’m sure Master Soft Heart meant that the sadistic bastard should untie them first.

  77. Sarah
    August 9th, 2007 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    I want your job.

  78. Fightin Vague Shape
    August 9th, 2007 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    FC: Another thing to love: That tiny screen is going to make Grandma have to squint, so she’ll blame her headaches on the tiny screen rather than the tumor until it’s too late, and Funky Winkerbean will have infiltrated another strip.

    See, there’s a vast conspiracy to funkify every comics page in America. It’s like the Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors, only not voiced by a black man.

  79. bats :[
    August 9th, 2007 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    MW: Oh, damn, I’m spending way too much time on these. But it’s either this or WordCrack:

  80. Red Greenback
    August 9th, 2007 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    Josh @ #74— Everybody?

  81. SecretMargo
    August 9th, 2007 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    63: gh – This little exchange may embody every single fear someone might have commenting on this site.

    “Don’t be intimidated! We’re very witty and cordial as we make gentle sport of you misspelling the titles of literary classics! Remember the giddy jests that accompanied someone writing Ivanho instead of Ivanhoe? Hooo! I nearly dropped my tasse de thé! Good times.”

    In all honesty, though, I really did think you were making a sly Gil Thorp[e] joke, and I thought it was really really funny. Accidental or not, the fact that it can function as such is indeed why I love this site.

    [Heh. "No Ivan! You da ho!"]

  82. Brown-eyed Girl
    August 9th, 2007 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    73. rich. You made me laugh out loud.

  83. zachfightscrime
    August 9th, 2007 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    Well, I think today’s TDIET is proof of one thing . . .

    Voldemort lives, and is unhappily married.

    I’m glad I could finally draw this link between TDIET and pure, spell-casting, Mom-killing, avada-kedavra-ing evil.

  84. Brown-eyed Girl
    August 9th, 2007 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    TDIET. “I love you, You’re perfect, Now change” was an off-Broadway show (and maybe still is, for all I know). I don’t really care what it’s about, but I think the title is great. Today’s TDIET, however, is just depressing.

  85. zachfightscrime
    August 9th, 2007 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    . . . and I just realized that if you aren’t an avid Harry Potter reader, I just sound totally insane.

    Good times.

  86. bats :[
    August 9th, 2007 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    Paperback Rifler: the Tiny Dancer parody is topnotch! For a moment, I was transported back to 1975, and the Elton John concert in Tucson…Elton in his heyday, and his finery…

    …and then I remembered that I sold the ticket (no kidding!) because I thought it was too expensive.

    My life, like that of Lisa and Les, is a tragedy.

  87. gh
    August 9th, 2007 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    #81 SecretMargo –

    Word that. When I saw your bienvenue I assumed you were punning on “good meeting place” meaning “here.”

  88. gh
    August 9th, 2007 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    #84 Brown-eyed Girl –

    Reminds me of a stand-up routine I heard once: “I’m finished, you’re heavy, get off.”

  89. Allie Cat
    August 9th, 2007 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    A question for the fellow Lady Mudges out there – having to do with TDIET – a lot of Scaduto’s women wear aprons. I mean, a lot of them.

    When is the last time you wore one?

    I actually bought one for Thanksgiving last year and wore it completely ironically – it had illustrations on “How to Please Your Husband” (Don’t Nag, Do Bring Him His Slippers). I bought it from Archie McPhee – – chock full of crap you’ll instantly want.

    But when’s the last time I wore an apron “for reals”? That would be never.

    Does anyone really wear them? And especially the little half ones that do nothing to keep you clean!

  90. Buck Fuffalo
    August 9th, 2007 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: Wasn’t most of the action in the previous story line carried on by a freakish and wizened tribal elder, while Ghost-Who-Needs-Naps snoozed under a tree with a dog, horse, elephant, and pygmy? You can’t make this stuff up.

    Then yesterday, in a surprise move, Innocent Victim Mom kicks a guy’s nads all the way up to his navel while Ghost-Who-Keeps-Spare-.45-Clips-Where-Exactly? reloads and . . . smirks. Way to go on that smirkin’ action.

    Today’s action sound effect: bonk. Presumably the empty sound of Innocent Victim Dad’s empty head. I liked “punt!” from a few days ago better.

    If we wanted a real snooze-fest, it would be Phantom versus Spider-man, written by the Dick Tracy team. Mary Worth would be a crazy whirlwind of action by comparison.

  91. gh
    August 9th, 2007 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    #72 Trotzenbonnie –

    There, there. It’s only a game. Try cheating.

  92. Godzooky
    August 9th, 2007 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    GT: Some nonsense to get out of my system:

    Everybody doesn’t like something.
    But nobody doesn’t like Gail Martinsky.

    (OK, one syllable too many, but I tried.)

  93. Josh
    August 9th, 2007 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    #89 Allie Cat-

    I’m no lady, but I wear an apron when I do the dishes. Otherwise the water sprays up directly onto my crotchal region and makes it look like I’ve peed myself. (Though if there are enough dishes, it soaks through the apron and makes it look like that anyway, but at least I have a head start.)

    My wife also wears an apron to do the dishes. This means she wears one more often than I do, since when we first moved in together I traded away just about all the other chores so as to not have to do the dishes. (I still do them every once in a while though if circumstances demand it.)

    We also each have our own apron. Don’t ask.


  94. IdleDandy
    August 9th, 2007 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    I love Curtis’s dad. Possibly my favorite comics character.

    The last time I wore an apron was a few years ago when my aunt got everyone aprons for Christmas. On Christmas morning we all put them on and took a picture and sent it to her. A few weeks later, the Salvation Army lady thought to herself, “Aprons? What the fuck do we need with five aprons?”

  95. Andrea D and The Grandstanding Oddballs
    August 9th, 2007 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    #89 – I always INTEND to wear and apron, but then fail to do so. Because the only apron I have has kitties on it, like it was designed by Master Soft Heart for Dawn. So I just deal with looking like I peed my pants after washing the dishes.

    Or I go eat at Taco Time.

  96. Bob
    August 9th, 2007 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    Should be “Old Gus’s Gold mine.”

    Gold mine is not a solid compound, and Gus takes an apostrophe+s to form a possessive.

    You fail, Hi and Lois writer whose name I can’t be bothered to remember.

  97. gh
    August 9th, 2007 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    #93 Josh [Almighty] –

    … the water sprays up directly onto my crotchal region …

    You wash your dishes in a bidet?

  98. Chloe The Cat
    August 9th, 2007 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    #89 Allie Cat, The last time I wore an apron (for real) was somewhere back in the 60′s. I do play dress up with my grandchildren (no nasty comments) and we wear aprons and pretend to cook gormet food (intended) while we are in fact making macaroni and cheese. My grand daughter loves to wear the full bakers apron that drags the floor on her. My (maybe someday) son in law is a chef and he lets her wear his hat and apron to.

  99. Squawk
    August 9th, 2007 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    BB: I think Cookie is possibly despondent about his nickname. Rather limiting, isn’t it? So he climbs up on the roof from which to issue his plaintive final declamation: “IS A COOK ALL I AM TO YOU?? Look at this heart on my arm. I need love, I tell you!!!”

  100. Adjuster
    August 9th, 2007 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    The thing that bothers me most about Hi and Lois is the name on the sign. “Old Gus’ Goldmine”? The sign’s obviously old – was Gus young when the sign went up, or did they repaint it after he became Old Gus?

    And then: Why did Walker and/or Browne pick a name with a trailing s so they’d have a possessive ending in an apostrophe? Did they want to show they read Strunk and White? Take that, AP Style! You think you’re so good but not!

    I think I need to get a life.

  101. SecretMargo
    August 9th, 2007 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    89/93: I am also a (full-body!) apron-accessorized kitchen dandy. It helps mitigate the crotch-splashing, as the Pope notes, as well as the effects of generalized oil-spattering and my sometimes splashy sauce-stirring techniques. I am additionally fond of a good black sweater vest, and occasionally wear my apron to protect it, an ensemble that would probably make me register as a hermaphrodite in the TDIET universe.

  102. The Divine O’F
    August 9th, 2007 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    Yesterthread Idle Dandy: I agree completely about GF. Politics has its place, but not on the funny pages, except for Doonesbury and Millard Filmore.

    11 Hungarian whattayacallit: No, really, we’re creepy all the time. (WINK!)

    20 Paperback Rifler: nice parody!

    79 bats: LOLOLOLOL! Literally! I agree your time is better spent in writing dialogue.

    Re aprons: I have to wear one when sterilizing the hummingbird feeders in clorox or my clothes would all have holes in them.

  103. treadwell
    August 9th, 2007 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Man: MJ blows off work to spend time with her hubby. Okay, but work is her first starring role in a big-budget motion picture production, which will lose about $100,000 a day due to her truancy. Yup, her career is going places! Still, Peter doesn’t seem to be worried about her self-described penchant for straddling studs.

    Dick Tracy: The chips they implant in pets are not Lojack for Dogs. The are not locators, they only contain the owner’s contact information and have to be scanned at a vet’s office.

    Judge Parker: My, what a boobular tubular week out at the winery. Ladies, before you go meet Mr. Driver, wouldn’t you like to make out just a little?

  104. Trotzenbonnie
    August 9th, 2007 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    Allie Cat – Apron? Absolutely. I don’t like to smudge my frocks with the telephone cord when I dial for take-out.

    gh – Cheat at Word Crack???!!!! HOW?

  105. The Divine O’F
    August 9th, 2007 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    Variation on a snark:

    MW: So this guy not only winks, he has to SAY “wink” to let Drew know what that was? Otherwise Drew might think he was really saying, “Not that you have to talk. My retina has just ruptured!”

  106. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    August 9th, 2007 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    #95 Andrea D — Taco Time! Yes! I miss that place. When I moved from B.C. to Ontario nobody knew what I was talking about when I referred to Taco Time. I miss Burritos Supreme and Mexi-fries!

  107. Brown-eyed Girl
    August 9th, 2007 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    I only wear an apron when I throw pots, but I should probably wear one 24/7, judging by the sad condition of my clothes. Based on the amount of time I spend cooking/dishwashing, the kitchen is probably the one place where I DON’T need an apron.

  108. MonkeyHawk
    August 9th, 2007 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    #100 — Adjuster:

    I’m willing to cut H&L some slack on Old Gus’ Goldmine. For all we know, the mine was the Geezer’s father’s claim, and the old guy is, in fact, young Gus, all grown up.

    On the other hand, there’s a story about how young Walter Brennan was a run-of-the-mill stunt man in the 30s when a horse kicked his teeth out. All of a sudden, he became the geezer he ended up playing for the rest of his career. Maybe young Gus is in his thirties.

  109. gh
    August 9th, 2007 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    #104 Trotzenbonnie –

    Well, first you’ll need to off a certain “dr b.” Then yell “Fire!” which should clear out everyone else. And an endowed chair to the University of Arizona probably wouldn’t hurt.

  110. Liverboy
    August 9th, 2007 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    Hi and his kids and apparently the Jim Backus wannabe prospector are all caucasian, I get it. But does anyone else notice that they are not just white but aggressively so, maybe a little on the blue side. Maybe its cold there. Maybe the river is full or uranium mine tailings. Or maybe – juuuuuust maybe, the color artist just didn’t care.

    Btw, the Warg is about to launch into that spinach growing there and go all Popeye on them. That would make for a funnier ending I think than grievous financial ruin but that’s just me.

  111. Indexer
    August 9th, 2007 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    #11 Bela Tarr? The Bela Tarr? My husband once spent a whole day watching your 9-hour movie!

  112. The Divine O’F
    August 9th, 2007 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    Brewster Rockit: Made me laugh out loud today.

    JP:Each one of Trudi’s bazooms is twice the size of her head. Does she keep them in hammocks?

  113. Vince M.
    August 9th, 2007 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    61/45: Deborah: I can’t see any making skin green – that doesn’t even look like a color set. I expect that rectangle at the front is a big clunky nameplate, reading either ‘CROSLEY’ or ‘DUMONT’.

  114. fishmorgjp
    August 9th, 2007 at 5:03 pm [Reply]


    “Why did you shave off your mustache?”

    “I came out of the pod that way.”

    “Why are your features so sappy and prettified?”

    “I came out of the pod that way.”

  115. Josh Millard
    August 9th, 2007 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    The final panel of Mary Worth—with the wink and the “geez” and both of ‘em facing the fourth wall—looks like the sort of freeze-frame you’d see at the end of a TV show. Theory: that was it. No more Mary Worth, ever. From now on, they’ll just run footage of the American Flag, and maybe a midi of the national anthem too if you’re reading the strip online.

  116. Meander
    August 9th, 2007 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker: My, what a boobular tubular week out at the winery.

    The whole week! Like he just learned to draw them or something. Not that I mind. That and a little of teh 9CWL sexay lightens up the cancercancercancer.

  117. Meander
    August 9th, 2007 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    I do wear an apron when I cook or clean the kitchen — I’m a sloppier cook than Emeril, and I have more black t-shirt with bleach stains than I can stand.

  118. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 9th, 2007 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    Actually, I think Drew said “Geez” because Dr Drunkenstupid grabbed his ass. Look at their respective facial expressions and tell me I’m wroing.

  119. Gabe
    August 9th, 2007 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    Shannon: That’s….e…..NOUGH!

    Get Fuzzy is NOT taking any sides, it’s skewering political talk. It’s just being silly. To those that would say only Doonesbury and MF get to be political, I ask you this: So Calvin and Hobbes, Peanuts, Pogo, BLOOM COUNTY, etc. never skewered politics? What?

    Quit being touchy and just enjoy the characters. I consider myself moderate skewing left, but I made an LJ avatar out of Bucky in today’s last panel.

    Why? Becuase it was FUNNY. Geez.


  120. The Divine O’F
    August 9th, 2007 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    119: I guess my main objection is making political jokes at the expense of Satchel’s health.

  121. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 9th, 2007 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    #48, mattt,
    Yeah, it’s sort of like when you get stopped by the highway patroi, and say, “Hi officer. I mean hi as in hello, not high on drugs. So what seems to be the 20 pound block of hash?”

  122. Gabe
    August 9th, 2007 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, but he’s not a real dog. He’ll be okay. How’d that old MST line go?

  123. Gabe
    August 9th, 2007 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    Also, O’F: Man, I figured I’d been around long enough for us to be on first name basis. 119 is so cold.

  124. Canuckguy
    August 9th, 2007 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    Amazing, comic commentary about grim situations in the strip, and not one of them is Funky Winkerbean. (Or Popeye. I *still* can’t get that “tee hee, I’m going to kill myself” strip out of my head!!!)

  125. bats :[
    August 9th, 2007 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    122. Gabe: I dunno. Farley wasn’t a real dog, and look what happened to him!

    Then again, he lived with the Pattersons, so it could’ve been a death wish or a staged death, and he’s living somewhere in Pennsylvania now, under the name “Rags”.

  126. Dean Booth
    August 9th, 2007 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    Just got back from freshman orientation (note to parents: don’t stay in the dorm), so I’m two threads behind. But I did see that TDIET congrats are in order for gh. Congrats, gh!

    Marmaduke: The Apology (NSFW).

  127. The Divine O’F
    August 9th, 2007 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    Yes, Gabe, it was cold! Much better as a first-name thing. I hesitate to say this, but I know Satchel is fictional. Nevertheless, Rob has been established as a caring pet owner, and I don’t like seeing him neglect Satchel for the sake of Bucky’s political jokes.

  128. Plinko Commie
    August 9th, 2007 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    Holy hell, Thel’s mama has some junk in her trunk. Now you know why the Keane girls have eating disorders.

  129. Harry F
    August 9th, 2007 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    If I were Big Daddy Keene, I’d be more worried that his svelte wife might suddenly double her mass like Thel’s mother did. It seemed to have happened so fast, Thel’s mom can’t stand up straight or move around without gripping the kitchen counter.

  130. Gabe
    August 9th, 2007 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    O’F, Rob knows Satchel better than we do. Maybe we should trust his judgment in Satchel’s health. He’s never shown to be a cruel pet “owner.” I’m waiting to see how that pans out and in the meantime enjoying the jokes. Cause they are funny.

  131. Eh Readers? [nee Kip W]
    August 9th, 2007 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    FC – Lucky for Billy he doesn’t have to rely on the TV for entertainment as long as he has those springs in his shoes.

  132. snacktime
    August 9th, 2007 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    I’m feeling somewhat bad now for having jumped in and started posting here without introducing myself. I got so riled up about all the awful FOOBishness of late that my good manners went right out the window.

    I must say you guys mostly scare the crap out of me. I can’t figure out how you maintain such razor-sharp wit while subsisting on a steady diet of poorly written (and drawn) comics. I won’t mind if you correct me, as long as you don’t tell me to go get stuffed. That’d be kind of mean.

    Although I live in Quebec, I am not Thérèse, though she is responsible for the recent breakup of my relationship, the leak in my bathroom ceiling, the demise of the Montreal Expos and the avian flu. I believe she also stole Ziggy’s pants.

  133. Red Greenback
    August 9th, 2007 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    Thel’s mom has quite an impressive rack. Am I right fellas?

  134. Tiny
    August 9th, 2007 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    I saw some dude who looked like Josh in the Bethesda Post Office today… wasn’t him, was it?

  135. linear Z
    August 9th, 2007 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    It’s finally happened…the characters in mary worth are so waspy and lifeless their flesh is actually the same color as the institutional hospital walls.

  136. stinky pete
    August 9th, 2007 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    109 gh – hey! HEY! I heard that, Mr. Bifecta.

    Late to the party as ever, but.. other sins of Therese:

    Introduced the Doobie Brothers to Michael McDonald
    Put the bullet in Terry Kath’s gun
    Lee Harvey Oswald’s KGB handler

    119 Gabe, I’m with you on this one. Conley is an equal opportunity skewerer (?), let’s see where this goes (can the right feel good about being represented by Bucky?)

    OK everyone repeat after me:

    1. We admitted we were powerless over WordCrack– that our lives had become unmanageable.
    2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves (Josh) could restore us to sanity.
    3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of Josh as we understood Him.
    4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
    5. Admitted to Josh, to ourselves and to another curminions the exact nature of our wrongs.
    6. Were entirely ready to have Josh remove all these defects of character.
    7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
    8. Made a list of all persons whose asses we kicked we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
    9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
    10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
    11. Sought through snarking and commenting to improve our conscious contact with Josh as we understood Him, hoping only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
    12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to WordCrack addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

  137. Josh
    August 9th, 2007 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    #134 Tiny — Sadly, no. I spent most of the day ensconced in my air conditioned home office here in sweltering Baltimore. I did go out to have lunch and run some errands just in time to have an afternoon downpour drench me, but I never made it down to the wilds of MoCo.


  138. dale
    August 9th, 2007 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    61 – Deborah
    I think you’re right about the tv. The panel hides some of the less frequently used controls like horizontal and vertical hold and maybe a fine tuning knob. The number of dials on the front depends on how many are on shared/push-pull shafts.
    I’m using a 1980 color set fed by cable not the original rabbit ears. The big knobs are VHF and UHF selectors. The small ones are contrast and on/off/volume. Brightness and AFC are on the back. No horiz. and vert. hold.
    When I was the age of the FC kids (mid 1950s) I was happy as a swine in excrement that anyone we visited had a tv: we didn’t have one at home.

  139. Ham Gravy
    August 9th, 2007 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    Where IS Lois? Well, who’s to say? Maybe it is best that the business end of that horse is out of the frame.

  140. The Divine O’F
    August 9th, 2007 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    Well, I’m very tempted to return to Word Crack, but as long as Brown-eyed girl is there it’s hopeless for me. And if she leaves, probably Stinky Pete will go there. Plus, I REALLY have to finish reading a book I am supposed to review.

    So, adios all. And I’m usually willing to cut Darby Conley a lot of slack, but I simply can’t handle any form of animal abuse, even when it is abuse by neglect, and to a fictional animal.

  141. Jym
    August 9th, 2007 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    =v= Foob: It occurred to me that Lynn Johnston is attributing moustache-criticism to a little child, which is either patronizing to us or a wonderfully wise insight into our inner children. You make the call.

    =54= FC (Toronto): I dunno about another one-L Bil, but Frazz is drawn by the son he never had, a one-F Jef!

    =103= JP (treadwell): Rusty (whom I’m convinced is a redhead, despite what the colorization monkeys have done) is so hot I would be hard-pressed not to wine and dine her, even if it meant handing over the winery and purchasing a diner. This blog sure puts me in touch with a bunch of dames who are nothing but bad news (Margot and Cassandra in particular). Thanks heaps, Josh.

    =119= GF (Gabe): I agree, I’m fine with politics on the funny pages as long as it’s funny. Or insightful. Or just otherwise interesting. This current arc isn’t, but it ain’t the politics; I just think this strip goes into a slump now and then. :-(

    =136= (stinky pete (though, in a larger sense, gh)): Now all that remains is for gh to win the New Yorker caption contest for the full trifecta!

  142. Rainbird
    August 9th, 2007 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    89 Allie Cat I wear an appron when I bake bread, otherwise the flour gets all over me. Also when I bake cookies. I guess anytime I am dealing with flour. Other than that, no.

  143. Plinko Commie
    August 9th, 2007 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    Memo to The Lockhorns artist: Become a reader submission strip like Pluggers and TDIET. I bet CC readers would provide at least half of your punchlines.

  144. Gabe
    August 9th, 2007 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    I’m pretty sure Satchell is just sleepwalking. I think it’s a weird jump to conclusions that he’s suffereing some kind of brain (?) debilitation and he’s slowly dying while they make fun of him or something.

    Humor’s to each his own, yes. I find it really funny, especially today. You don’t, that’s fine. It’s people saying that GF shouldn’t do political humor that bugs me. As I pointed out, all the greats have poked fun at politics and I believe GF will be considered on the greats.

    And in perspective, if it’s in a slump, then what are the other 98 percent of strips in? I put today’s GF against anything today. Tell me what’s funnier. Go ahead. I’ll wait.

  145. CrabbyGenes
    August 9th, 2007 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    #89, Allie Cat. You should visit here. An apron seems to be part of the official Japanese housewife uniform. Seriously! And I mean full-body aprons that cover one’s chest and skirt area, usually with shoulder straps that criss-cross over your back and button at the waist, the apron tying at the back.

    They are sold at all department stores, kitchen stores, boutiques, home centers, and do-it-yourself stores. They are well-made with beautiful material, very attractive, and can cost as much as 60 dollars, though most are less expensive than that.

    No TV cooking show is complete without a “student” (usually a housewife) looking on, wearing her apron. The chef/cook always wears an apron too. I have never seen a cooking show here in which the cook does not wear an apron—except for the shows imported from the U.S. in which almost no cooks do.

    And the reason I know all of the above is that I love aprons. And I always wear one, mostly because I am a slob, both when I cook and when I eat. I’m always spilling something and ruining my regular clothes, and I like a place to wipe my hands when cooking. For years, my standard request at Mother’s Day or my birthday has been an apron (with pockets, please!).

  146. dale
    August 9th, 2007 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    I wore a plastic half-apron (glasses were mandatory and you’d be a moron not to wear them) when I worked in an electroplating factory.
    Sulfuric and nitric acids are not as scary as comic strips would have you believe: they won’t eat flesh to the bone like a school of horror flic piranhas, but you really don’t want them splashing on your groinal areas.

  147. gh
    August 9th, 2007 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    #132 snacktime –

    Relax. We have never once told someone to “go get stuffed.” Well, only a couple times. Something to do with chronic misspelling of Gil Thorp. And even then we saved said persons the trouble by stuffing and mounting them ourselves.

    #134 stinky pete –

    Awww. How can I stay mad at someone who lets us know when the new thread is up? And gives us our own 12 Step Program? But keep your eye on snacktime in case . . . you know.

  148. Andrea D and The Grandstanding Oddballs
    August 9th, 2007 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    #106 Skullturf: Yeah, I guess that Taco Time started in Seattle and is pretty much limited to the Northwest. I can’t recall if I ever saw it in California. While it’s not close to authentic, it’s still fresher and better than the Bell from Hell.

    It’s one of my guilty pleasures.

    #132 – Welcome, snacktime. I don’t think most snarkers here often tell other people to stuff it. I, too, am in awe of the vast majority of the snarkage that goes on on these pages. Usually, though, the worst that happens is that your own wit and wisdom will get buried under a mountain of wittier and wiser wit and wisdom.

    At least, that’s my case. I’m sure I’m on the lower end of the Comic Curmudgeon IQ bell curve, but I’m just happy to be here.

  149. Brown-eyed Girl
    August 9th, 2007 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

    136. stinky pete. Would taking these steps involve giving up WordCrack?

  150. Moon Mullins
    August 9th, 2007 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    I’m traveling presently and read the latest gagfest of FBOFW in the local rag. And finally, it has dawned on me: everyone thinks Liz should not “settle” for Anthony, but looking at the way she’s drawn, she’s really not much of a prize. Which of you fellows out there would ask her out? She’s kind of plain, and dumpy. And oy! that caboose!

    The only person I could see being fond of Liz’ ample rump would be a rodeo clown.

  151. Brown-eyed Girl
    August 9th, 2007 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    140. The Divine O’F. Forty-Two kicked my ass, so I’ve crawled back here. Work Crack is not a safe place to be right now.

  152. Uncle Lumpy
    August 9th, 2007 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    #149 Brown-eyed Girl –

    Would taking these steps involve giving up WordCrack?

    No, not at all! You just have to admit, acknowledge and affirm a bunch of stuff, and go on pretty much as before! See you over there!

  153. Andrea D and The Grandstanding Oddballs
    August 9th, 2007 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    Gabe and O’F – So, there are these weird little Japanese handheld fake “pets”. I don’t know what they are called, but I’m sure it’s a freaking adorable name. So, anyway, you are supposed to “care” for the “pet” by giving it “water”, “food”, and “love”. You can also starve it to death, kick it, whatever.

    It makes little sounds, too. So, if you kick it, it will cry out in pain.

    Some of my friends were testing them for the company that made them, and they found this hilarious. Now, I’ve always had a problem with thinking that EVERYTHING is alive, from stuffed toys to my car (and thus, major issues parting with stuff that I no longer need). So the fact that these little toys actually SOUNDED hurt, even though they were mere digital entertainment tools, infuriated me. I was even angrier that people thought it was funny.

    Thus, I’m happy that this mildly heated discussion about Get Fuzzy has allowed me to avoid reading it, getting upset, and calling the ASPCA on the cartoonist.

  154. stinky pete
    August 9th, 2007 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    149 b-e-g, well, no, I’m not going that far, but I’m going to be feeling a lot more guilty when I play. And I certainly plan to religiously keep a fearless moral inventory.

  155. CrabbyGenes
    August 9th, 2007 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    to Trotzenbonnie, yesterthread.

    Thanks for the Skype information and explanation! I don’t know if we will get it (my husband said something about needing Windows, and we have a Mac), but at least I now understand what it is and what it does.

  156. Uncle Lumpy
    August 9th, 2007 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

    #155 CrabbyGenes –

    Skype on Mac OS X.

  157. Will
    August 9th, 2007 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    The Phantom clearly caught on to the “Zidane headbutt” youtube craze about a year too late, because there’s no way the two people in panel three are on the same plane.

  158. Tabby
    August 9th, 2007 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    89 Allie Cat
    Aprons – we each have different ones for the kitchen (blue and white stripes with little tiny embroidered ants in the white stripes) and a bunch of cheap one in all kinds of colors for other stuff that gets messy. Anything that makes cleaning up easier is for me! I’d seriously buy a ‘mudge apron, too, if such a thing is possible

  159. Mooncattie
    August 9th, 2007 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    Welcome, snacktime! One of the joys of hanging out here is finding the occasional gem of a comic that you wouldn’t know about otherwise. For me, that comic is currently Lio. A recent two-week arc on the trauma of going to summer camp had me laughing out loud every day.

    Most of the other joys involve reading the wonderful snark that appears here from funny folks from around the world.

    Also, people will sometimes write in to chat about chicken wings. Mmmmmmm….

  160. Little Guy
    August 9th, 2007 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    114: FOOB:

    “Why did you shave off your mustache?”

    “Because the mustache has…cancer.”

  161. Rusty
    August 9th, 2007 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    BB: Something has always bothered me about Cookie. He looks like a sloppy Sarge, with some kind of fur? shredded sleeves? hanging off his shoulders. WTF is that supposed to be? My guess is he’s a hairy, hairy man.

  162. Gabe
    August 9th, 2007 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    Andrea: Tomogatchis.

  163. That\'s The Spirit
    August 9th, 2007 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    “Just don’t get Uncle Lumpy started on A La Recherché du Temps Perdue.”

    Would it be infuriatingly pedantic to correct the two errors in French spelling there?

    Yes. yes, it would.

  164. Uncle Lumpy
    August 9th, 2007 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    #162 Gabe –

    These sound like second-generation versions. The originals didn’t cry, and came in only one rather dra species.

  165. Uncle Lumpy
    August 9th, 2007 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    Um, “drab.”

  166. Dean Booth
    August 9th, 2007 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    FOOB + Popeye = A taste of romance (SFW).

  167. treadwell
    August 9th, 2007 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    Lockhorns: I would’ve thought that if Leroy went to the trouble of having a cubist painting of his wife made, he’d at least make sure the mouth was omitted.

  168. andreavis
    August 9th, 2007 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    #89 Allie Cat– I only wear an apron when I’m making pie. I use a lot of bench flour rolling out my crusts and I hate getting a line of white across my belly. I don’t have a frilly grandma apron though; I have a carpenter-style Wal*Mart one I got at the thrift store that says “How may I help YOU?” across the chest.

  169. AeroSquid
    August 9th, 2007 at 7:54 pm [Reply]


  170. Poteet
    August 9th, 2007 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    MW today took me back to a long-ago temping day at a local insurance office. While I was doing my lowly work of sorting files, I overheard a cheery discussion about a doctor who had the entertaining habit of showing up drunk for work in the local emergency room. At least it was entertaining to the insurance-office raconteurs. It did not amuse me so much. And looking at Drew and his colleague, both of whom look like they’re half-a-dozen sheets to the wind, I’m hoping that the only patient who falls to their care will be Mary herself. Now THAT would be funny.

  171. ChristianPinko
    August 9th, 2007 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

    This isn’t about comics, but as long as we’re on the subject of Therese and the evil that liberated women do, here is a link to one of the funniest things I’ve ever read. Snark on traditional gender roles, like information about licorice, can be found on the Internet, specifically here:

  172. Allie Cat
    August 9th, 2007 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    Well, hell – that tears it! I’m going out and getting an apron today. Because I’m short, the dishwater sprays at my breastal region and I look like I’m lactating. Or that I have swoobs (look it up).

    I have my aforementioned gag apron – I used to have a frilly half apron that I bought at a church tag sale for 50 cents – I loaned it to my high school production of Our Town (back in 1993) and never saw it again. Maybe I should send a note to the drama teacher. I also have an apron that goes with the dirndl I bought in Munich back in May – it’s made of taffeta, though, so it’s not practical. I also bought my father a full apron on that trip in Florence, featuring the torso of Michelangelo’s David. Classy!

    What I really need more than an apron is a bib – I clean and cook pretty neatly, but I can’t go a day without getting some part of my meal on my clothes.

    Well, thanks for proving that Scaduto’s depiction of women isn’t totally out of touch. Did I really just type that?

  173. Lynngineering
    August 9th, 2007 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    The Divine O’F – yesterthread #230 –
    Leave it to you to join “Japan” “first coma” and “brother” into one comment. It sounds amazingly rich already, particularly as “He didn’t want to leave it, but knew he had to” seems to have a sense of poignancy to the decision.

  174. Jym
    August 9th, 2007 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    =144= GF (Gabe): To me, Get Fuzzy is in a slump in comparison with its own past. The timing is way off, kinda like it’s somnambulating. Still better than most of what’s out there, though!

    =169= FC (AeroSquid): Nice, and contemporanous, even!

  175. Abdrew Leal
    August 9th, 2007 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: Not only is it not very funny, but the same gag has been used before; I have it in one of my old collections, with Beetle saying the “Jump” line.

    Also, Flap, who was once the edgiest character in the strip and the *only* one who actually fought in a war (he was transferred to Camp Swampy fresh from ‘Nam), once had a huge afro and a tiny helmet. At some point, they trimmed it down, and also got rid of his goatee, perhaps so he’d be less stereotypical, but he thus become as bland as the rest of them.

    Edit: Ah, I see Inspector Dim already amended his comment. Either way, I miss the old Flap. Even if he did inexplicably dress like either a pimp, a buccaneer, or a clown whenever he went into town.

  176. queek
    August 9th, 2007 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    now, the important question now becomes, who has worn *just* an apron recently?

    *insert typical anime jokes here.*


  177. queek
    August 9th, 2007 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    darn it. remove a “now” from the above post.

  178. Buck Ripsnort
    August 9th, 2007 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    #62– Mechinist, to look like her mother, Thel would not only have to gain 100 lbs, she’d have to be hit in the face w/ a shovel. Or possibly inter-bred w/ a pug dog. Or hit in the shovel w/ a pug dog’s face.

  179. left of the pyle
    August 9th, 2007 at 8:56 pm [Reply]


  180. LTBF
    August 9th, 2007 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    In answer to Flap’s question, no there aren’t any other blacks at Camp Swampy. Corporal Yo is about as ethnic as the rest of the camp gets.

  181. AeroSquid
    August 9th, 2007 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    #89 If it were not so lawsuitbable these days, I could easily spend the rest of my days redoing FC captions in my own blog. I miss DFC.

  182. AeroSquid
    August 9th, 2007 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    #184 not #89…….sorry.

  183. AeroSquid
    August 9th, 2007 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    hmmmm….how about #174. I blame global warming.

  184. IdleDandy
    August 9th, 2007 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    100 – Actually, Walker and/or Browne is wrong! When a singular noun ends in s, the apostrophe should still be followed by another s. Ending with the apostrophe is reserved for when the noun is both plural and ends with s. Don’t believe me? It’s actually on PAGE ONE of The Elements of Style. My last name ends in s, and nobody ever spells the plural correctly, and if I correct them, they don’t believe me. However, people (my parents’ generation) used to be taught the other way, so if the goldmine is significantly old, the usage was probably considered correct at the time.

  185. CrabbyGenes
    August 9th, 2007 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    to The Divine O’F – yesterthread #230

    And Lynngineering, #173, this thread

    ‘Leave it to you to join “Japan” “first coma” and “brother” into one comment. It sounds amazingly rich already, particularly as “He didn’t want to leave it, but knew he had to” seems to have a sense of poignancy to the decision.’

    Yes, that comment of yours intrigued me too. Lynngineering said it very well, better than I could have.

  186. CrabbyGenes
    August 9th, 2007 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    re my #185.

    Forgot to add that I remember learning long ago in a linguistics class that some native peoples (Inuits maybe?) believe that they enter an alternate world when they dream. And also, perhaps, that to wake someone who is sleeping is not good, for that reason(?)

    Anyway, that theory always made sense to me.

  187. Squid Countess
    August 9th, 2007 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    Dammit, I want to know what’s with the name, “Word Crack”. CLEARLY you should be calling the game, Name That Squid; The Squid is Right; or Are You Smarter Than a Squid?. Where’s the love people? It’s all me. If I hadn’t exposed you to it, you wouldn’t even know about the game. You’d all be going about your lives as before, working and spending time with family and…heh. …”Wink,” she said.

    Divine O’F – I was pretty good at Name That Squid when there were very few players. I didn’t get any dumber; I just like to solve in a different way. I realized, watching curminions play, that the game can be played in a mathematical way as a very fast substitution/deductive reasoning game like a sodoku puzzle. I don’t do that. I’m all vocabulary all the time.I play like this- “OK, I’m looking for a c blend word that definitely includes a ‘v’ or a ‘w’ and probably an ‘e’. Hmm…chive, clove , oh, crews, that’s a good one!” So I type in “crews” and it won’t accept it, because that puzzle’s already over and now we’re 30 guesses into a new 6 letter word. What? What? When?

  188. CrabbyGenes
    August 9th, 2007 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    Check out the August 9 COFFEE TALK letters at the Foobsite:

    Letter #3 is the glurgiest glurge that ever glurged.

    The antidote is Letter #6. To the writer of Letter #6 (someone from Toronto): Are you here? Are you reading this? You sound very much like a Mudgie.

    If you are here, great letter!

  189. SecretMargo
    August 9th, 2007 at 9:37 pm [Reply]


    Squid or No Squid?

    The Weakest Squid?

    The $64,000 Squid?



    Win, Lose, or Squid?

  190. Red Greenback
    August 9th, 2007 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    My goodness CrabbyGenes, KM fromToronto is channeling True Fable!

  191. LTBF
    August 9th, 2007 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    Why do you have to scroll halfway down the page to get to the first letter?

  192. Anonymous
    August 9th, 2007 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    #163 That\’s the Spirit – I think the spelling errors are on purpose. But I just got here so what the hell do I know.

    #188 – KM from Toronto makes me proud to be a Torontonian, albeit a transplanted one. But then I scroll down and read the comment by Patricia from ‘TX’ and my pride is replaced with utter dismay – why is she talking about Pattersons crossing ‘the racial line’? What? Who?

  193. stinky pete
    August 9th, 2007 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    187 SqC, I propose “Squid Crack.”

  194. Tracer Bullet
    August 9th, 2007 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

    FW: I laughed at Funky Winkerbean today for the first time in . . . possibly forever. I laughed not because Cancer Cancerdeath is actually funny, but because I knew exactly what every Curmudgeonite in the world was thinking when Les pulled out that camcorder. You should be ashamed. Not as ashamed as Batiuk, of course, but ashamed.

  195. commodorejohn
    August 9th, 2007 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    Re: Paperback Rifler @214 a few threads ago: ha, I thought your username was a reference to that song. That happens to be one of my very favorite songs ever.

  196. Red Greenback
    August 9th, 2007 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    Carmine sucks at WordCrack. “I will play no more, forever”

  197. AhClem
    August 9th, 2007 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    193 stinky pete -


  198. LTBF
    August 9th, 2007 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    You learn you have a terminal illness. You have a young child. You begin to worry about all the things you won’t be there for them.

    So what’s the first thing you fret about missing out on? Why, their first prom of course!!!! I know that’s the one thing above all else I’d hate to miss in my son’s life if I died right now.

  199. fizzy logic
    August 9th, 2007 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    #166 – Dean – Looooved it! That has to go down as one of my favorites.

    Allie Cat, count me in as an apron wearer, but only when I’m making krumkake, a waffle-ironed type prepared cookie with a lot of melted butter, which tends to ruin even the grubbiest clothes.

    And all you out there in the midwest and east – I’m trying to send some Seattle cold weather your way, honest. I want you to picture yourself here in your minds at least, where we’ve been having a Mark-Twain-in-San-Francisco-summer that is notably notable. Currently it is 62 degrees, and the high was around 64 today. I think that’s the warmest it’s been this week. I’m currently wearing a long sleeve shirt and a hoodie sweatshirt, and I’d gladly trade you 10 – 15 degrees. It’s been so overcast, we’ve had to have our lights on in the morning and in the evening. I’m not complaining, or trying to make you envious, I’m just thinking if y’all could picture yourself here for a while it might give you a little break from your frazzled nerves. That’s right, Aunt Fizzy will take care of you…

    That SquidWordCrack game is something else. I rely solely on luck.

  200. SecretMargo
    August 9th, 2007 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    188: For once, I actually took a deep breath and clicked the link. I read the two letters you mention (and no other — I can only take so much). Brief thoughts:

    KM from Toronto lays it out so well it should be sewn into a sampler somewhere and displayed in a museum of reasonable comix criticism. She comes off as an astute reader with a real love of the strip who just lays it out in the bleakest, barest of terms without any vitriol that Lynn could use as an alibi to ignore it. No matter what delusions are swirling, Sea-Monkey-like, within Lynn’s rapidly clouding cranial fluid, that letter had to hurt.

    Paul S from Oro sounds like he longs for the days of arranged marriages, or is in a marriage himself that resulted from him wooing his intended’s mother until she manipulated her daughter into his sweatily condescending embrace. The grim delight of his letter is realizing halfway through that by laying out the contrived series of events leading to this union in all their perverse glory as he praises Lynn for the “complexity’ and “depth” of characters shown contradicting themselves every few weeks as they lurch from plot point to plot point, he inadvertantly throws the problems with the whole mess in painfully stark relief. If she still has a half of her former wits about her, that letter should be as painful to read in its own way as KM’s.

    Both leave out the question currently haunting my dreams, however: What could any of us possibly have said that deserves the sole-ful, walleyed horror of that third panel as a response? Have you no mercy? No soul? Is it just going to be all Mountains of Madness all the time from here on out then?

  201. LTBF
    August 9th, 2007 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    So when FW is fast forwarded, we get to see video tapes of Lisa giving advice to Summer. Ugh.

  202. LTBF
    August 9th, 2007 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    I find Patricia’s letter disturbing because she once lived in Alabama, where I reside. Hopefully we never crossed paths.

    I hate to generalize, but I can see women caught up in the Liz-Anthony mushfest, but what’s with all the guys swooning at Lynn’s feet?

  203. SecretMargo
    August 9th, 2007 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    163: Done and done, That’s the Spirit. (see also: gh ‘fesses up, vows revenge on open sewersource information clearinghouses)

    So to answer your question, no, at least not any more so than many others of us, it seems. One of us! One of us!

  204. Frank Parsnip
    August 9th, 2007 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    Like Camp Swampy is so awash in competency that Cookie is somehow left adrift. More likely he just found out that KBR contractors are going to take over his beloved kitchen, whereupon a rifle’s going to be put back in his hands and his fat ass sent off to Iraq to cushion other soldiers from the effects of IEDs. After some 40 or 50 years of dishing out food worthy only of the Abdominal Shitman, he probably can’t even retire without fear of being dragged back in as part of the “ready reserve”.

  205. Squid Countess
    August 9th, 2007 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

    #189 SecretMargo Win Lose or Squid Bwahahaha! Ink!!

    #4 Inspector Dim What’s his next line going to be: “I bet she’s great in bed, what with those awesome titties! Erection!”
    May I just say I love you?

    #6 Charles – Dr Willard J Fredericks, proctologist

    #20 Paperbak Rifler- This is hands down your best parody yet!

  206. LTBF
    August 9th, 2007 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    Is Cookie even in the Army? We never see him in uniform. He wears his apron everywhere.

    In Gomer Pyle, Sgt. Hacker had Cookie’s job (provided good training for the butcher shop he later opened) and he was often seen in uniform.

  207. Lynngineering
    August 9th, 2007 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    FOOBian COFFEE TALK: I dared to look at the letters…I assume some of them are knocking back a few other things than coffee… Here’s one of my favorite quotes:

    “I was first introduced to the FBorFW strip back in 1981 when I moved to Alabama. My neighbor sent me the strip of Michael & Liz when they were in the bathtub & Liz wanted to know why she didn’t have “one” like Michael.”

    say no more… we all realize how THAT turned out…

  208. SecretMargo
    August 9th, 2007 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    4: COTW, Inspector Dim

    162: [My last pedantic spelling comment, I promise!]: Gabe is correct, except it’s spelled “tamagotchi” (?????).

    Crabby, did your kids ever play with those? Or were they too old when the craze hit? I remember when they were banned in schools on both sides of the Pacific because of their annoying beeps for attention.

    205: “But I…what if I decide I’d rather lose?”
    “But I don’t really have room in my apartment for an aquarium, and my roommate has some pretty bad aller–”
    “YES WHAT?!”

  209. SecretMargo
    August 9th, 2007 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

    4: COTW, Inspector Dim

    162: [My last pedantic spelling comment, I promise!]: Gabe is correct, except it’s spelled “tamagotchi” (?????).

    Crabby, did your kids ever play with those? Or were they too old when the craze hit? I remember when they were banned in schools on both sides of the Pacific because of their annoying beeps for attention.

    205: “But I…what if I decide I’d rather lose?”
    “But I don’t really have room in my apartment for an aquarium, and my roommate has some pretty bad aller–”
    “YES WHAT?!”

  210. SecretMargo
    August 9th, 2007 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    BOXCAR!!! I promise that all I did was refresh after the error page, not hit post!

    *Sigh. Well, at least I didn’t end up with an armful of squid.

    Madonna said it best: Life is a mystery

    Je suis désolé. Gomen nasai.

  211. commodorejohn
    August 9th, 2007 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

    #199 fizzy logic – Mmm, krumkake.

    #201 LTBF – It helps if you imagine that that only looks like a camcorder and Lisa, like Belthasar in Chrono Trigger, is going to leave vestiges of her person in hibernating robot bodies for Summer to awaken one by one as they reveal clues to some ancient secret.

  212. Trotzenbonnie
    August 9th, 2007 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

    FOOBERY – Oh my God! Those letters! Why did you all make me read them? I do have one concern. Lynn Johnston must have bazillions of fans writing to her on a daily basis so we only see a small sample of the letters she receives. Imagine the horror that is festering in the REJECT PILE.

    My Tamagotchi died from sitting too long in its own poop. Dumbass.

  213. commodorejohn
    August 9th, 2007 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    #207 Lynngineering – Does Michael have “one?” I find that kinda hard to believe.

  214. Tweeks_Coffee
    August 9th, 2007 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    Re – Aprons: My mom actually has a sick collection of aprons. Most of them are the waist down style though (I think, I’ve never really investigated them to any length). Mostly she gets the cheesy ones that look straight out of a TDIET panel and sell them for twice what she paid. Obviously there’s some market for these things though.

    WordCrack: Christ… I’m trying to quit, I really am. I’ve quit smoking easier than I’ve quit this game. Even now I keep looking back at it and debating on actually playing even though I should’ve put myself to bed over an hour ago.

  215. IdleDandy
    August 9th, 2007 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    Ack. Must. Stop. Making. Words.

    Squid Crack? Squick?

    And Tomagotchis… if I so much as see that toy or hear it beep one more time, it’s going in my June Drawer and you’ll get it back the last day of school! By which time, your pet will be dead! Dead!

    OK, I don’t say that last part, but I really do have a June Drawer.

  216. LTBF
    August 9th, 2007 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    Anybody catch Thursday’s Cathy? Cathy and Irving are leaving the reunion and they have to take a cab to the airport. His mom wouldn’t give them a ride apparently.

    Just found that odd.

  217. Inspector Dim
    August 9th, 2007 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

    LTBF, if Cookie ever appeared in uniform he would look too much like Sarge. We’d never be able to tell the characters apart (except for Sarge’s tooth thing).

  218. Inspector Dim
    August 9th, 2007 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    New stuff! Garfield has been amazingly grim this week, too. First a consumed fish, now laughing at an execution. Jim Davis must have given his gag writer two weeks’ notice–so thoughts of death are on his mind.

  219. Tweeks_Coffee
    August 9th, 2007 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

    Tomagotchis are still around? I thought those had died out years ago. I haven’t seen one in forever and I certainly never had one when they were first popular.

  220. LTBF
    August 9th, 2007 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

    In Friday’s Foob we catch the first glimpse of Liz as the permissive, let her have whatever she wants stepmother who will piss off the accent marks.

  221. Inspector Dim
    August 9th, 2007 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    OBH: Joe sees his own future. Except it’ll be less fun. And his “friends” will steal his money.

  222. sally
    August 9th, 2007 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    I don’t have time to read through all 200+ posts already up, so apologies to the five people who undoubtedly already said this, but: I think Thel’s expression is due to one of two things, neither related to her unruly TV addict kids. Either her mother is hectoring her for the umpteenth time over something she did years ago (such as marry Bil) — just look at Ma’s posture — or else it has just dawned on her that her mother looks like a clone of herself, only 50 pounds heavier, which doesn’t bode well for her future.

    #20 PBR — I did get as far as your Tiny Dancer — brilliant as always!

  223. Plinko Commie
    August 9th, 2007 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    220: What I saw was the following

    Demon Spawn: What does usurp mean?
    Elizabeth: It means I’m the man now and if you get ice cream, it’s because I said so. Hey, Antitty, be a good gimp and get it for us, and I’ll let you lick it off the bottom of my shoes.

    You will soon be envying your mustache, Anthony my boy.

  224. SecretMargo
    August 9th, 2007 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

    207: I might have to check that one out. It sounds like a line from The Lacanian Hillbilly (the chapter you quoted from would use Michael Patterson as its main example and be called “Out With the Bathwater: Coming to Terms with Object Petit Asshole).

  225. Mibbitmaker
    August 9th, 2007 at 11:27 pm [Reply]


    FOOB: God help me, I actually really like this pun. I laughed. But I’m not so fond of this gals ganging up on the guy thing. I guess that’s inevitable when the guy in the equation is Blanthony.

    FW: Lisa Moore, depressing humanity for generations.

    Popeye: Spinach for the men, strawberries for the women. Just what this culture needs: more gender division (*eyeroll*)

  226. Joe Btfsplk
    August 9th, 2007 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail -

    Mark – This is Detective Jones. He’d like to ask you a few questions!
    Commissioner SmithQuestions? …Why would you want to ask us questions?
    Jones – Just a routine investigation, sir.
    Commisioner Mills (whispers) – Christ. Just relax, will you?
    Jones (ambles casually around office, runs hand over desk, gazes thoughtfully out window, turns suddenly) – How long have you had that mustache, Mr. Smith?
    Smith – GAH!! Mustache? What, what m-mustache?
    Trail – You have a mustache! On your face! You both do! (Trail’s eyes narrow slightly)
    Smith (turning pale) – Oh, that, that’s not my mustache -
    Mills (mutters) – Relax, you idiot. He’s got nothin’.
    Jones – Not your mustache?
    Smith – No, I ahhh, I’m wearin’ it for a friend, I mean, I don’t know whose it is! Never saw it before! We didn’t do it!
    Mills – Shut up!
    Jones – Didn’t do what, Mr. Smith?
    Smith – I dunno! Nothin’! We didn’t do nothin! The birds weren’t my idea! Oops!
    Mills – Oh for the love of God.
    Trail – Birds? What about birds?
    Smith (sweating profusely) – Uh, ah, no birds. Did I say birds?
    Jones – You did say “birds.”
    Mills – Look, Detective, we’ve got a busy schedule here today. What exactly is the point of this?
    Trail (fingers beginning to curl slightly, twitching) – I think you know what the point is, Commissioner!
    Mills (backs away slowly behind desk) – I don’t know what in Sam Hill you’re talking about! You can’t prove anything!
    Jones – Very well, Mr. Mills. I will ask you – Do you, or do you not, have a mustache?!
    Mills – What? No! I mean – I – yeah, I – But it doesn’t mean – Oh God. (collapses into chair)
    Trail – Criminals… They never learn!
    Smith (sobbing) – Dammit, Lawson! I told you we shoulda shaved! But no! “Oh, don’t worry,” you said! “Noone’s going to jail,” you said! “No way will stupid Buzzard ever squeal on us about how we paid him to release those ducks and gee-”
    Mills – I. Will. Kill. YOU!! (Mills leaps from the chair and grabs Smith by the throat. The two grapple wildly, snarling, knocking over filing cabinets and potted plants. A swirl of pigeons erupts from the ledge outside the window. Jones and Trail rush in and pull the two miscreants apart.)
    Trail – I knew it! I suspected you two from the beginning! To think that I gave you the benefit of the doubt, just because you didn’t have beards! Well, I won’t make that mistake again! (Shoves Mills and Smith against the wall. Trail’s right fist is fully clenched, glowing, emitting a faint thrumming sound.)
    Jones – Fighting crime’s trickier than it used to be, Mark. Can’t rely on beards alone these days. Not in the big city.
    Trail (glares at Mills, Smith) – All right! You know what I have to do!
    Mills (sighs in defeat) – Yeah, I know. Just get it over with.
    Smith – Shoulda shaved. Shoulda friggin’ shaved. (Smith and Mills clamp their eyes shut and grimace as the Fist of Justice rises and draws back for its inevitable release.)

    Deep in the wilds of Lost Forest, Cherry Trail hums softly as she slices a potato. Her hands slow and stop, and she looks absently out the window for a long moment. A tremor ripples through her body, and a blissful smile spreads across her face. Rusty scampers into the kitchen.

    Rusty (breathless) – Mom! Cherry! Did you feel it? It was The Fist, wasn’t it! Mark’s coming home, isn’t he! He finished his story about birds around airports!
    Cherry – Yes, dear, Mark’s coming home! He’s finished his story about birds around airports! Set three places for dinner tonight! I’ll slice some more potatoes! (She returns to her work, singing contentedly, knowing that all is again right with the world.)

  227. NotThatGuy
    August 9th, 2007 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

    #144, Gabe, I’m with you on GF. I’m lovin’ the current arc (already emailed yesterday’s strip to a friend) and truly, a bad Get Fuzzy is nearly always better than 99% of anything else on the comics page. Disclaimers: IMO, YMMV.

  228. Frank Parsnip
    August 9th, 2007 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

    Poor Dr. Drew getting harrassed by the guy who sells ice cream in the comissary … forced by this audibly winking bastard to avoid giving details on the Dawn as uncomfortably as he can. The look on his face in the second panel is priceless — like as if he’s going to call for his dad to come help. My thinking is that Dawn and Dr. Drew don’t just have to worry about Vera coming after them with a cup of H2SO4 whupass; the ice-cream man’s going to want a piece of the action.


    Dr. Drew: “Ok, ok… I get it. You don’t understand why I might be interested in some college-age girls, but clearly that means you haven’t moved on.”

    Ice Cream Man: “I still love you.”

    Dr. Drew: “We had some special times together, but that’s over now. I had to move on.”

    Ice Cream Man: “You BITCH!” (stalks off)

  229. Ribinin
    August 9th, 2007 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    Wordcrack: I took a look and am afraid to jump in that lake. I used to play “Cow and Bull” all the time, but that is just insane, “Cow and Bull” on speed.

    As for asking people to pack up, it hardly ever happens, but I remember some guy (being sexist here) from ??Minnesota?? who was around for a couple of weeks and pushed buttons. But almost everyone catches the Master Kind Heart philosophy and builds on prior snark instead of attacking others for apparent cluelessness.

  230. Itazurakko!
    August 9th, 2007 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    Aprons of the type you mention were a required item for my high school home economics classes, in Japan, in the 80′s. We wore them over our regular uniforms.

    I still appreciate aprons, too, and wear them at home. My favorite ones have Snoopy on. I can be rather clumsy.

    FOOB: Francoise still looks to be around kindergarten age to me. But hey, look, isn’t Liz just the perfect mom? Who could have predicted it, it’s just so SWEET!

    Gag me with a spork.

  231. Trotzenbonnie
    August 9th, 2007 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

    Friday’s funnies:

    POPEYE – Olive Oyl shouldn’t eat the strawberries because they’ll make her strong? I don’t get it.

    CANCERY CANCERDEATH – There must be a classic Star Trek episode that Batiuik could have used to justify ‘Beam me up, Scotty’ as the punchline. Are there any Star Trek fans out there who could name one?

    FOOB – Aye yi yi! I had no idea that inheriting kids could be so easy. I guess I just suck because Mr. T’s boys took a long time (seven or eight years, I think) to stop calling me ‘Hey, you!’

    BEETLE BAILEY – What’s so casual about a clown suit?

  232. Lynngineering
    August 9th, 2007 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    224 Secret Margo – At times, I think of FBOFW as the buttons on the mattress that Elly covers with her freshly-shaved sheets, and Michael sleeps in and subsequently stains… but then, that’s just me.

  233. commodorejohn
    August 9th, 2007 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

    #226 Mibbitmaker – Potato: That’s what I believe happened!

  234. bats :[
    August 9th, 2007 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    188. CrabbyGenes: as a resident of the greater Tucson metropolitan area, which barely includes Oro Valley, I humbly and sincerely apologize for the glurgings of Paul S over at Coffee Talk.

    (Memo to self: seek out Paul S this weekend and beat the snot out of him…)

  235. Tweeks_Coffee
    August 10th, 2007 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    In case you thought my tangent from the other day was an exception, you guessed wrong. Since comics are my latest obsession, I’ll go ahead and overthink it like anything else. Sorry, but one thing I love is to delve into the basis of whatever I’m studying/obsessing about. So my current thought train is; “We all love the comics, but why do we love them?” I think I know my own response, but I’m interested in what other people think. So, as an Extension on my tangent from a couple yesterthreads ago; What comics do you read beyond the ironic/snarkability and why? Personally, I read:

    -Big Nate (I don’t read it too often since Chron doesn’t carry it, but I do enjoy this strip)
    -Edge City (There’s lots of misses, but overall I’d call this a decent strip)
    -Diesel Sweeties (Mostly bland humor, but I particularly love Indie Pete)
    -F Minus (once again, plenty of misses, but it still can give me a laugh on a pretty regular basis)
    -Get Fuzzy (I adore this strip. Though I do have to admit that I’ve been glazing over this latest arc.)
    -(DT)GT (It’s so perfectly zany. It’s like some kind of weird meld between Monty Python. Mad magazine and Sports Illustrated)
    -Heart of the City (I really don’t know, I think that this is the most grounded among strips though. There’s a lot to relate to, but it’s far funnier than any stories I could ever tell.)
    -OBH (I think this is a bit of a charming strip. Of course Ruthie’s insane, but somehow it comes off as okay. I really love Joe, though. Something about being the, somewhat, sane grounding pole for it all really speaks to me.)
    -PBS (This is the single current strip that still gives me laughs on a regular basis.)
    -R&R (I really don’t know why I like this strip. I mean; it’s got the whole people talking to dog aspect, which is a bit odd to me, and Red’s lost in some kind of odd time vortex where he’s a kid from the ’50s in today’s world. Maybe I just like the factor of akid and his dog interaction.)
    -SFx (once again, I really have no idea. This is a kid’s strip, right? I’m not sure why I care about what happens in this weird universe, but I do. I try my damndest all the time to figure out the clues and to figure out the six differences,)
    -Zits (It’s been a long time since I could personally relate to this strip. Yet, somehow I still have a connection with Jeremy. I guess it’s grounded in the fact that even though he hasn’t aged, he’s still living in the current world.)

    Optional second question: If you could see any strip revived today; what would it be? (We’ll go ahead and assume that any artist/writer that may have passed on would continue the chosen strip from any given era.)

  236. bats :[
    August 10th, 2007 at 12:05 am [Reply]

    189. SecretMargo: I think that the actual name of the game is Win, Lose or Ink.

    (There’s also the board games Squidlyland; Chutes and Squids; and Hungry Hungry Squid.)

    166. Dean: the comic mashup is magnificent. You’ve done something that LJ has never managed to accomplish: make Asshathony look good!

    231. Trotzenbonnie: I’m not a Star Trek fan, but Darth Vader’s “I find your lack of faith disturbing.” really doesn’t fit either.

  237. bats :[
    August 10th, 2007 at 12:07 am [Reply]

    9CL: Major brownie points for the reference to Gomez Addams!!!
    Unfortunately, I don’t think anyone in the strip comes close to Morticia, no matter what they’d be delusional enough to think…

  238. maryc
    August 10th, 2007 at 12:11 am [Reply]

    Hi! New here, and just delurking to comment.

    Judge Parker: Gee. I wish my boobs could talk like that.

  239. t.a.m.s.y.
    August 10th, 2007 at 12:14 am [Reply]

    MW: Drew must be reading a lot of They’ll Do It Every Time, from the way his colleague’s perverse nagging is giving him the ERGENCY.

  240. Uncle Lumpy
    August 10th, 2007 at 12:17 am [Reply]

    #235 Tweeks –

    The only link I can find among the comics I like is charm. And my revival would be L’il Abner, hands down, for the quality of the art, brisk pace, vivid characterizations, creative plots, and more. Al Capp really lost it in the protest years, but had the grace to apologize to Joan Baez, and was a real original.

    I remember a profile of (by?) Capp in Playboy describing how he lost his leg. His mom gave him fifty cents for carfare and a haircut, but he knew a cheaper barber across town, and climbed on the back of a milk wagon to save the fare. He fell off the wagon on the way home, into the path of the streetcar that severed his leg. His mom kept the quarter he saved for years, but during the Depression took it out, stared at it for a long time, then took it to the store to buy bread.

    If you can find it on YouTube (I can’t), there’s a great takedown by Capp of John Lennon and Yoko Ono during their “Bed-in” — Lennon tries to get over on Capp, who ain’t havin’ any.

  241. Trotzenbonnie
    August 10th, 2007 at 12:26 am [Reply]

    #235 – Tweeks_Coffee
    I like Dog Eat Doug.
    It’s just damned cute.
    Mutts – No explanation necessary.
    OBH – I am Ruthicus.
    GIL Thorp – I’m a convert. It’s cool beyond comprehension – like David Byrne.

    And I’d bring back Winnie Winkle so she could kick Mary Worth’s ass.

  242. IdleDandy
    August 10th, 2007 at 12:32 am [Reply]

    231: I seem to remember an episode about stupid sniveling Wesley (shut up, Wesley) watching a holodeck message from his dead father, but that was Next Generation. Plus, Wesley Crusher is about the only thing that could actually bring down Funky Cancerbean…

  243. IdleDandy
    August 10th, 2007 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    Oh, I pledged my undying love to One Big Happy about 11 or 12 years ago. The first time I ever read it, Ruthie had switched the heads on her dolls and was having them scream in horror of being mutants. I wish I’d saved that one. My roommates and I had it up on our wall.

  244. Godzooky
    August 10th, 2007 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    Friday’s comics:

    JP: Day Three of battlin’ bazooms: In panel 3, Trudi’s talking breasts take center stage. Thanks, Barreto.

    Ghost-Who-Smirks: He must be exhausted from ducking all the action around him.

    MT: Just from listening in on Mark’s and Lawson’s questions, Tiny Leo folds like a cheap accordion. No one asked you anything yet, nimrod!

    GT: In panel 1, Bill has already mastered Kaz’s Quantum Punch. Master snarkers, panel 2 is all yours.

    Word Crack: Been trying sporadically since yesterday, finally got one win today guessing randomly. That’s it for me, I’m getting out while the getting’s good.

  245. Trilobite
    August 10th, 2007 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    Friday’s comics make me glad the week is ending:

    A3G: I just don’t get Apartment 3G today. I gave up on the dialogue ever being particularly relevant, but I figured the art told its own story…remember when Alan was rockin’ the ’60s folk minstrel ensemble of light blue V-neck sweater over a black turtleneck? See, that was the art’s way of trying to clue me in that he was a mopey, lonely soul wandering the mean streets of a city that didn’t know his name. It wasn’t interesting at all, but at least it made sense. But now he’s wearing a blue dress shirt, black vest, and high-waisted mom jeans, and people are yelling at him like he’s, you know, someone you’d actually want to acknowledge. What’s that supposed to tell me?

    I long for the simplicity of previous strips, where you could just look at Tommie’s “dowdy schoolmarm” ensemble and know that she’s the kind of girl who thinks she can get pregnant if she makes eye contact with a shirtless man, or you could look at Blaze’s cute little bandanna and cowboy hat and know that he’s a stripper and a very economically-priced male escort.

    Gil Thorp: It’s hard to get the straight right when Coach Thorp’s locked his eyes on your crotch and is preparing to punch the hell out of it. And as for Bill’s “billiard balls don’t shoot back!” line, the less said, the better.

    Mark Trail: Well, that was over fast. I hope the tubby commissioner at least tries to run, or Mark’s poor fist won’t get any face time with a mustachioed miscreant today.

    Mary Worth: Oh, give me a break. There is no way that Drew’s mental image of Dawn is her goddamn high school yearbook photo. We all know that when he pictures her, there’s a lot more sweat and a lot less clothing.

  246. CrabbyGenes
    August 10th, 2007 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    #208 Secret Margo. About tamagotchis, which were popular (if I remember correctly) somewhere about the time when our girls were 9 and 5 (?). We purposely did not buy them because we wanted our kids to read books, and to play with things like jumpropes, bicycles, dolls, puppets, crayons, modeling clay, etc.

    THEN, we went to the U.S. for the summer, and guess what presents they received from their AMERICAN aunt and uncle on arriving in Michigan? Yep! Actually, they weren’t the true tamagotchis, but they were virtual pets–can’t remember what species they were supposed to be.

    They fascinated for the duration of our stay. Then when we came back to Japan, we were too tired and jet-lagged to try to re-program the darn things, so they (the quasi-tamagotchis) stayed on an American time schedule, which meant that they didn’t sleep at night, but wanted attention, food, and play. Since we all got over jet lag and they didn’t, they eventually died.

    And the girls went back to more interesting things like books, jumpropes, bicycles, dolls, puppets, crayons, and modeling clay.

  247. Dingo
    August 10th, 2007 at 12:54 am [Reply]

    Liz Patterson: pricktease and now usurper. Oooooh, I wanna take a baseball bat to Lynn’s… studio.

  248. Godzooky
    August 10th, 2007 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    Memo to Tony DePaul and Paul Ryan (Stan Lee & Larry Lieber, too): Here’s how to do an action strip with the hero taking action. Please note the action takes place in one day’s installment, not one month’s.

    My addiction to comics started with Marvel super-hero comics back in the 60s. I understand that comic strips have their own format and pacing, but, Geez, the super-hero strips don’t have to be this embarrassing.

  249. t.a.m.s.y.
    August 10th, 2007 at 1:12 am [Reply]

    In my ongoing efforts to be America’s second-favorite comic-Photoshopping Dean, here’s Mary Worth via Al Scaduto: “They’ll Drew It Every Time“.

  250. IdleDandy
    August 10th, 2007 at 1:20 am [Reply]

    Liz didn’t have to take child psychology to become a teacher, I guess. Liz, you don’t reward a child for negative behavior! Of course, Deanna rewarded her children for damn near killing themselves on the swivel chair a few we— hey!

    That’s why!

    Deanna was encouraging the rugrats’ suicidal tendencies!

    It all makes sense now…

  251. Brown-eyed Girl
    August 10th, 2007 at 1:34 am [Reply]

    GT. Oh my. I don’t…I mean…SPEECHLESS! I’m speechless. I need to go wash my mind out with soap.

    FOOB. Anthony, let me usurp your parenting authority and instruct your child on exactly what kind of ice cream she wants. Let me be my mother. I’ve already got the hairdo.

    GT. Ok, I’m not speechless. The framing in that second panel reminds me of The Graduate. And that is as far as my mind wants to take that thought.

  252. Tweeks_Coffee
    August 10th, 2007 at 1:37 am [Reply]

    #241 – Trotzenbonnie: Dammit, I panned through the DED strips and I loved it. Jesus, it’s funny and it incorporates the Cute Animal factor. I don’t think I can resist that draw for too much longer. That partnered with a couple other less than free strips (Big Nate) may be the breaking point to me buying my subscription.

    #240 – Uncle Lumpy Now that’s exactly what I’m talking about. I’ve never seen any aspect of that, personally, but just your description alone is enough to hit the heart. Al Capp had a tremendous ability to put everything into the daily strips. he may’ve not been the greatest artist ever, but he knew how to do a serial strip. Those kinds of stories, that are lost to my generation, will probably never be told.

    Sappy, right? It’s true though. No matter what the reasons may be, comics just aren’t what they used to be. There’s definitely a stark difference between what used to be done (Andy Capp, Terry and the Pirates, Pogo, Li’l Abner) and the strips that populate today’s funny pages (Garfield, “Classsic” Peanuts,) So once again I come to the same question: Is it the comics that are created, or do we create the comments?

    PS: I read all the comments, even if I didn’t reply specifically to everyone and their opinions on the old/new comics. Thanks to everyone for indulging a my talker side, though.

  253. IdleDandy
    August 10th, 2007 at 1:56 am [Reply]

    (I never learned how to do a fancy link with the words and stuff. Sorry.)

    I can’t decide which I love more in the final panel: Jeremy’s goofy-faced aside or Walt’s sarcastic addition. Walt is almost as cool as Curtis’s dad. He doesn’t even miss a beat.

    I’ve always said the reason I love Zits is that, while the characters joke with each other, they’re basically this normal, loving family. Marriage and child-rearing are not treated like a bottomless pit of DOOOOOM whence the only escape is sweet death.

  254. IdleDandy
    August 10th, 2007 at 1:57 am [Reply]

    Oh, and how does Jeremy manage to say “x-treme”? Has he been talking to Marvin?

  255. t.a.m.s.y.
    August 10th, 2007 at 2:19 am [Reply]

    Today’s Gil Thorp chronicles another character’s descent into madness. Unable to process the loss of his leg, Bill now believes himself to be Peg Leg Pete; he psyches himself into a Tyson-esque rage by visualizing his opponent as Steamboat Willie’s testicle. As I’ve often said, Gil Thorp‘s greatest merit is the way it helps us understand how the world looks to a mentally ill person.

  256. Godzooky
    August 10th, 2007 at 2:34 am [Reply]

    #235 Tweeks_Coffee:

    Comic strips I like that I read in the NY papers:

    Curtis – Some arcs are blah (Gunk, the Kwaanza stuff), but, as a Nuyorican, I can relate to a lot about his home and school life and many of the strips are chuckle-worthy. C’mon, publishers: Let’s see a “Curtis” paperback or hardcover collection, already.
    Dilbert – Scott Adams was on fire when this strip first came out. The batting average is a little lower, now, but, as an IT guy, I can relate to many of the workplace situations and, about once a week, there’s one that cracks me up.
    Doonesbury – Agreeing with the politics helps, but, put that aside, and you still have Hall-of-Fame characterization, plotting, and humor. Trudeau’s still the class of the field.
    F Minus – Often generates a smile, gets a laugh about once a week. This is the one that won me over.
    Get Fuzzy – Quirky, some of the rock music and Boston references go right past me, but it hits more often than it misses.
    Peanuts – The earlier 1950s and 1960s strips do it for me, but even the later ones hold up compared to current-day humor strips.
    Pearls Before Swine – A touch nasty sometimes, but Pastis is on fire the way Adams was back then. Day in and day out, usually gets a laugh.
    Zits – A little whitebread, but, based on my experiences helping raise my now-20-something niece and nephew, often hits the right notes depicting teen and parent relations.

    Comic strips I like that I started reading online thanks to this blog:

    Bizarro – To me, consistently funny.
    Gil Thorp – Starting with bald Brynna sequence, has cracked me up more than most of the so-called humor strips, combined.
    Judge Parker – For the exciting storyline…Oh, okay, actually just for Barretto’s good girl art.

    Can take or leave the rest of the strips, print or online, though I’ll read them anyway, with one notable exception:

    Annie – Jay Maeder started his run by dissing the work of the great Leonard Starr and I haven’t forgiven that yet. That’s the one and only strip I skip over altogether.

    Definitely time to call it a night.

  257. Spotted HØrse
    August 10th, 2007 at 3:09 am [Reply]

    #231 Trotzenbonnie:

    CANCERY CANCERDEATH – There must be a classic Star Trek episode that Batiuik could have used to justify ‘Beam me up, Scotty’ as the punchline.

    I agree, this make no sense. Time to let my dweeb flag fly…

    If in his wisdom Batiuk wants his character to respond to an Asimov reference with a Star Trek catch phrase, at least make it one that makes sense:

    Les: “There’s no reason why you we can’t do the same thing.”
    Lisa: “Make it so.”

  258. Jack Parsons
    August 10th, 2007 at 3:32 am [Reply]

  259. Dub Not Dubya
    August 10th, 2007 at 3:51 am [Reply]

    235 Tweeks_Coffee: If I could revive any strip from the past, it would have to be Everett True:

    I first heard of it when Josh posted about it a long while back, and I happened to see some old strips on microfilm while doing genealogy research. It’s just so cathartic!

  260. AppleGirl
    August 10th, 2007 at 4:26 am [Reply]

    89 – Allie Cat – I’ve never even gone into my KITCHEN, much less wear an APRON.

  261. Rube
    August 10th, 2007 at 6:16 am [Reply]

    The bead of sweat coming down Hi’s face and the kids smiling as they watch their father frantically searching for salvation is quite disturbing.

  262. John C Fremont
    August 10th, 2007 at 6:36 am [Reply]

    # 255 – Steamboat Willie’s testicle? Of course, that was the sixth difference I was looking for in today’s Slylock Fox (& Comics For Kids)!

    MT – Here’s an important message for all doughy guys who plan to release birds in a manner which may, or may not, be illegal; Never trust a guy from Century 21. You can, however, trust your car to the man who wears the star… unless, that star is on his detective’s badge. Oh, and you’re welcome, by the way.

    Or to put it another way, I DON’T KNOW what’s going on in today’s strip. WHAT’S this all about, anyway. And shut up, sweaty Brak’s dad.

    MW – Spellman? Spellman?! No, Drew, that guy’s name is spelled K-N-O-T-T-S, although judging from yesterday, it could also be spelled K-A-S-E-M.

    RMMD – Really enjoying the art today. Really.

    FW – I’m glad I wasn’t the only one seething over the Foundation/Scotty bit.

    JP – I swear I thought those two were holding hands in the first panel. And I’m pretty sure in panel two that Rusty has just figured out that Trudi’s shirt really is just panted on after all. I agree, Trudi – this ought to be good.

    Dear Mr. Eduardo Barreto,
    Thank you! Seriously, Thank You!!!
    A Fan

  263. John C Fremont
    August 10th, 2007 at 6:50 am [Reply]

    (DT)GT – Aaagghh!! Crotch Cam! Aaaagghh!!

    “That’s right, Bill. Keep it straight! Don’t loop it. Yes, that’s the way Gil likes it. And now it’s time to let those billiard balls shoot back!”


  264. Antiquated Tory
    August 10th, 2007 at 7:03 am [Reply]

    I forget who here suggested that MW was setting up a plotline where Drew started to reconsider dating a younger woman.
    As someone whose wife is 13 years his junior, the writer of MW can bite me.

  265. Calico
    August 10th, 2007 at 7:05 am [Reply]

    JP – Mmmmmmmm…the amazing purple talking breasts!

    FC – no, Dolly – you get to sit on this here bag of ice.
    Let’s not forget that the dog in this abhorrent melon-headed circular strip is named “Barfy.”

    FOOB – so I guess Elizabeth did indeed blow off (!)her “friends” in Mtikgoopy, trading an interesting cultural experience for Wonder-bread blandness.
    Reading this now is like eating dried potato flakes right out of the box.

    Baldo – what is the translation in panel 3 – something about “taking all your land?” Not quite sure.

  266. John C Fremont
    August 10th, 2007 at 7:05 am [Reply]

    # 89 – OMG! Now I need a matching Hula shower curtain and waste basket. And Bacon Mints! I need Bacon Mints! And my Gretchen, but that’s a different story.

    Crikey, are Tory and I really the only ones up at this hour?

    I know you’re out there. I can hear you breeding! Ha, ha, but seriously, folks…

  267. covaithe
    August 10th, 2007 at 7:28 am [Reply]

    FW: “Beam me up, Scotty” sounds pretty innocuous, doesn’t it? Unless, of course, this seemingly random Star Trek reference is only there to point the way to a subtler Star Trek reference: Lisa is wearing a red shirt!

  268. John C Fremont
    August 10th, 2007 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    JP – Say, I wouldn’t mind meeting up with this Rusty down at The Bucket.

    Ew, imagine if Trudi had opened the door and it’d been the Lost Forest Rusty instead. The horror!

    That’s it. I’m going back to bed. I’m going to dream of Rusty and Trudi and Abbey and Neddy and painted-on clothing…

  269. Motorposus
    August 10th, 2007 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    JP – Are there really Harvard graduates who come right out and broadcast their credentials? Whatever happened to false modesty, Rusty? I imagine her response should have been more like, “Boston…born and bred in the Back Bay…but I spent several years in (ahem) Cambridge just, uh, working on a couple of things.”

    P.S. Paperback Rifler, I loved your “Tiny Dancer” parody!

  270. man behind the curtain
    August 10th, 2007 at 7:51 am [Reply]

    RMMD — Obviously this life raft did not come equipped with a GPS.

    FBOW — Another 3 going on 8- year old child. But, score one for Liz getting herself invivted to lunch with her true love. And later that evening there will be the sound of usurping coming from Blandthony’s bedroom.

    A3G — Yes. no more pole dancing at the gay club for Alan.

  271. benro
    August 10th, 2007 at 8:00 am [Reply]

    JP – Barreto’s breast-fest is the only thing that keeps this strip readable.

    Crankshaft – We all know what’s going to happen. Crankshaft’s going to fall off the ladder and get cancer.

    FW – Reading this strip has taken years off my life.

  272. crazycc
    August 10th, 2007 at 8:01 am [Reply]

    Notice: I will promptly smack anyone who declares “WINK!” while winking at me.

    That is all.

  273. Anonymous
    August 10th, 2007 at 8:03 am [Reply]

    I love the fact that Lynn has figured out a way for Elizabeth to become a mom without ever having to “break the seal”… as opposed to Michael, a dirty filthy man who was base enough to actually procreate through natural means.

  274. StoutHearted
    August 10th, 2007 at 8:04 am [Reply]

    And in FOOB news, Liz has finally stepped in for her motherly duties towards Anthony’s child. The last seal opens….

  275. Dennis Jimenez
    August 10th, 2007 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    Blondie – A plugger nocturnal emission consists of mayo and mustard.

    FBoFW – I’m sure little Francie has had a lot of practice with her “cone” upslurping technique.

    MT – I don’t think MT and Detective Jones will buy “the house plant did it” defense, Leo.

    MW – As wonderful as the girl is – in her medieval crone skull cap.

    S4th – I’m thinking sponge, Ted – but jelly fish and slug are in the running, too.

    Luann – Yes, one look at Gunther and I’d guess he’s got a lot of head experience – at the gay bath houses.

    JP – I’m so glad I took up this strip.

  276. Calico
    August 10th, 2007 at 8:11 am [Reply]

    #189 –
    Press your Squid? (I hope it doesn’t ink)
    The Squid is Right?

    Re: FC – “presumably Billy will be getting the strap again in short order.”
    I don’t know why, but I find this to be really amusing.
    Haha, spanking your kids in the comics is fun!

    RM – once again, TMI for Heather.

    MW – Dr. Drew somehow learned to drive with his fingertips, while contemplating blowing off Dawn.
    Soon he’ll be getting the strap, from Mary herself.

  277. Godzooky
    August 10th, 2007 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    #265 Calico re: Baldo: Pretty much correct translation. On Wednesday, Baldo’s Anglo friend switches to a Latin radio station. Thursday, the station proclaims, “The Invaders? Our Race!” Today, “This is “The Precious One!” Who’s going to take all your land!” Out of context, without the translation, today’s is a little confusing, but looks like a take-off on the anti-immigrant propaganda re: Mexicans.

  278. Calico
    August 10th, 2007 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    #277 – Got it.

  279. Electro
    August 10th, 2007 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    I’m just in awe of how Winky’s eyebrows managed to jump onto Drew’s face between panels one and two. The more I stare, the creepier it gets. They look like two wriggling leeches – oh, I see, a metaphor for the characters in the strip!

  280. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 10th, 2007 at 8:37 am [Reply]


    MW: The word “wonderful” obviously has a different meaning in the Maryverse.

    Luann: After only a brief glimpse inside Gunther’s fantasy world, I feel dirty all over. Yes, inside too.

    9CL: Francis is in luck. The Coconuts just happen to be looking for a new Kid Creole.

    Baldo: I have a sinking feeling that Baldo’s shagg co-worker will soon be patrolling the border with the Minutemen.

    SFx: I don’t know. Try changing into something that doesn’t smell like armpit.

    MT: How is Mark going to punch these two commisioners out now? Anyone this pitiful would be a waste of knuckle.

    Agnes: Oh, I’m sure there’ll be a glorious martyrdom on “America’s Got Talent” one of these days.

    Ghost Who Muses: “Yeah, arm’s feeling 100% better. Heh. I should really write that down. Hey, while the natives are doing their kung fu thang maybe I can find some stationery. Puffy McYellowhair’s gotta have some nice paper in his study.”

  281. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 10th, 2007 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    #280, oops,
    Meant S4th (as in Forth), not SFx (as in fox.)

  282. mattt
    August 10th, 2007 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    MT – WHO? We DON’T KNOW anyone named Buzzard..WHAT’S this about, and do we need our lawyer present?”

    Again, smooooooooth.

    #267 Oh, ouch. That’s just wrong. At least the Redshirts went quick, usually.

  283. Major Hooples Boarding House
    August 10th, 2007 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    9 CL – I called it 2 days ago…

    Dick T – “What is the frequency Kenneth?”

    Funky W – He’s being a nerdish dork, take her now lord, take her now.

    Gas Al – The cuckoo clock gives the entire plot away.

    Thorpeee – The crouch shot is bad, but the dialogue is so gay.

    Judge P – ooh, oh, ohhhhhhhhhhh…..

    Sally F – How about a clean polo shirt, and washed jeans after a shower?

    Tdiet – Squidcountess, maybe you should change your name to Goulashcountess.

  284. ISBN
    August 10th, 2007 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Josh, your comments today KILLED me. I still read every day!! I used to comment all the time, sure but what with building the house, and the electrician killing my computer, and then having to wait to afford a new one, and then actually FINALLY having freelance work… I’ve been negligent.

    But today I had to write because you made me laugh so hard with your “hee hee!”s and “hardy har har”s about the bitterness.

    Does anyone ever read the Daily News comics (NY)? There’s some really ODD ones there…. anyhoo. I love this site so!!

  285. Perky Bird
    August 10th, 2007 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    Funky Cancerfunk:
    Re: Lisa’s messages to Summer. So, Lisa wants to tape message for all the “special” moments in Summer’s life. Dear Lord, please tell me she won’t tape one for Summer to watch when she gets her first period! The thought of watching someone explain tampons versus pads from beyond the grave is too much to contemplate this early in the morning!

  286. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 10th, 2007 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    S-M: The key to keeping your superhero identity secret, I find, is not letting your wife stage whisper it when you’re on vacation. Not that the loss of the daily strip Spidey would be that overwhlming. Just thought it was a good tip to pass on.

  287. The Divine O’F
    August 10th, 2007 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    Credit Where Credit is Due, Prolix Edition

    Gabe: I agree that GF may be one of the greats. I certainly love it. But sometimes it just doesn’t do it for me, and this is one of the times. No disagreement–just different opinions. (And I hope you’re right that Satchel is just sleepwalking, but I still think Rob should take him to the vet.)

    BEG: Is Forty-Two One of Us? I just got up a little while ago, and took a couple of … er… cracks at Word Crack, with no luck. Didn’t recognize any of the names. I have to keep reading stuff today, so will hopefully stay away from it.

    153 Andrea etc.: Thank you for your post. I’m the same way. In fact, it makes me cringe to even know that there are little mechanical things that pretend to be in pain when you hurt them.

    173 Lynngineering and 185 Crabby Genes. Thanks for your response about my brother’s first coma in Japan. The odd thing about the life he had in the coma was that it was a very ordinary kind of life. I think he owned a small grocery store or something like that–just a regular, everyday sort of thing. But yes, it seemed very poignant that he had to leave it and he was very clear about feeling sad about leaving his coma friends and family. In his real life he was a college teacher of ESL. Which he did love (though he didn’t love Japan). Ever since that happened I have believed that there may be very profound things going on for people in comas, even the ones that are supposed to be brain dead. (This may be TMI, but when he went into his second coma years later, the one he never awoke from, I comforted myself by believing that he had gone back to that “other life.”)

    187 Squid Countess: Yes, I agree it is all about you, damn your eyes. Thanks for explaining the playing strategies. I realize now that I play the way you do. I HATE TO BE RUSHED in anything, and Sudoku sucks.

    241 Trotzenbonnie: I agree with you on all counts, except I’ve never seen Dog Eats Doug till today, and I didn’t understand the one you linked to.

    249 tamsy: Excellent!

  288. Fightin Vague Shape
    August 10th, 2007 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    FW: Yes, the Foundation trilogy featured someone recording themselves to be watched after they die. So has every sitcom ever made since then.

    TDIET: Drusilla? I guess we should have known that TDIET-land was on top of a Hellmouth. A Hellmouth where vampires eat goulash and pie.

    Pluggers: I don’t believe it’s possible for a plugger to use nine digits in a single row in her checkbook. Frankly, I’m doubtful that a plugger would know nine different digits.

    MW: I apologize in advance for this image, but: What if Drew and Dawn do have sex, and it’s at the same pace as the rest of the strip? The awkward shoe-removing alone would last a week.

  289. Islamorada Girl
    August 10th, 2007 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    MT” “Shut up, Leo!”
    I love the sound of immortal dialogue in the morning.

  290. Major Hooples Boarding House
    August 10th, 2007 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    Fan-Tom – The plot was for this trip was for the native boys to prove they’re men. After Phantom gets them into a street fight, they’re going out for beer and hookers.

    p.s. – the question about what classic strip to bring back?

    “Hak-kaff, Egad, couldn’t you guess? Har-rr-ruff, FAP!

  291. benro
    August 10th, 2007 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    285 – She will make a tape for Summer to watch when she gets her first tumor.

  292. rich
    August 10th, 2007 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    Wifey spends all day preparing an appetizer, salad, and super-complicated goulash for her hubby’s dinner — but when Knotop comes home, he tells her they’re expected to dine with the boss tonight!

    Tip of the hat to Bobbie Caggiano, for this great submission from 1955! Sorry ’bout the delay! Next week — 1956 submissions! — Al

  293. T. Chicana
    August 10th, 2007 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    Foob: Francie wouldn’t say, “Okay.” She’d say, “You’re not my mom! I hate you!!!!” in the shrillest voice imaginable and then slap Liz in her stupid saintly face, causing a scene so that people would turn their heads and stare. For people trying to be a part of a new family w/ young children, it’s just not that easy. Neither is getting a book published. Unless you’re a Pattersaint and everyone’s in a constant state of awe at how great you are.

    FW: Lisa is looking REALLY bad in the last panel. I mean, I know she’s dying, but her eyeballs are disappearing. And what’s that…marking…on her face? Sick. Really really sick and cancerous. I hope she makes a video for when Summer starts rebelling against her stupid smirky dad. Seriously, if my husband was about to make a videotape of me for posthumous use, he goddamn better not have a freakin’ smirk on his face. Wipe that smirk off, Les! Or Cancer will wipe it off for you.

  294. queek
    August 10th, 2007 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    tamsy: excellent mash-up!

    revived in all its glory? Calvin and Hobbes. The only other strip within a magmacannon shot of it would be Far Side, and it would be light-years further to any others.

    Lio: I lol’d. You just don’t expect that device on a rocket ship.

    Zits: I chuckled. “Tim Tepid” indeed!

    GF: I smiled. “tantrum meditation” is a good one.

    F-: O_o (wtf?!?)

    JP: panel 3: “this ought to be good” says the left breast, and I agree. Haven’t had this much fun looking at the funny pages since Modesty Blaise was discontinued.

    The Freep added Little Dog Lost during the last reorg of the funny pages, and during the ensuing months, it has been basically wretched. However, todays was pretty cute.

  295. benro
    August 10th, 2007 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    Regarding which classic strip I would like to bring back, I think that, based on seeing the feeble attempts at dragging on once classic strips that are taking place in the comics page today, I wouldn’t want to see any more feeble attempts to bring back any more classic strips. Let’s remember the greatness of the classic strips as they existed, and not think about cheapening them by bringing them back. Think how much more we appreciate “Calvin & Hobbes” now than we would if it kept going with recycled jokes. I think we should instead be discussing which of the “classic” strips which are now on life support need to have their plug pulled.

  296. rich
    August 10th, 2007 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    160, Little Guy — Funny.

    249, t.a.m.s.y. — Good one — nice touch with the “ERGE.”

    MT — I love Leo, the cowardly confessor! My new favorite character…a shame he’ll be going away soon.

    JP — Wicked pissah.

    MW – Oh, now I understand why he was so critical of Drew’s relationship — that was Cardinal Spellman!

  297. Foobaphobe
    August 10th, 2007 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    FOOB: It’s not “usurp,” it’s “you suck.”

  298. commodorejohn
    August 10th, 2007 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    With regard to those Coffee Talk entries, perhaps even more freaky than #3 is #7 from “Bob”:

    All marriage is a gamble, to some extent. Even when you date another person for a long time, even when both parties are mature, and even when both have solid family backgrounds and, yes, even when money is not itself an issue – still, marriage involves risk. Anthony seems to present minimal risk for Elizabeth, and she even less for Anthony. It is a reasonable match. Who can say more in this life. The idea that Therese may return to present a problem is a reality, and certainly they will argue and sometimes disagree as all married couples do. Life’s like that. But, the idea of their adult romance and marriage is both realistic and reasonable. In a sense, both have been “around the block” so to speak. I find this plot line very human.

    No, Bob, you find it very robot. Seriously, what human in world history has ever made a relationship based on risk analysis? Physical attraction, yeah, likeable personality, yeah, even money has been the basis for relationships in history, but generalized “risk analysis?” I think “Bob” is actually B.O.B. from The Black Hole, because only a robot could possibly have written this.

    A3G – “Early morning” apparently meaning “the middle of the day,” judging by the light levels.

    Archie – How did he get the towel back under him?

    DT – Again, how stupid is it to have your secret agent’s brain-programming chip screaming “HERE I AM!” to anybody who happens to tune in?

    FOOB – Well, she’s got the walk-all-over-him part down just fine. Assuming she’s looking to have a marriage like her parents’, she’s going about it the right way.

    FW – Who the hell is that in panel three? Also, just think about what she’s going to record: “Well, this is your sixteenth birthday, so…aw hell, I have no idea what’s going on in your life and only smatterings of advice that I can give since I don’t have any context for your adolescence. Um, stay in school, don’t do drugs, and don’t wind up teen-pregnant, okay?”

    Garfield – Okay, yeah, it’s morbid, but it’s also much funnier than the average Garfield.

    GA – They’re doing it. They’re actually doing it.

    GT – Gil has apparently borrowed his boxing gloves from the MAS-ter. Also, I’m no boxer, but are crotch punches like the one in panel two legal?

    Luann – “Yay!?” Not “AHHH MOMMY IT’S EVIL!!!!!!!?”

    MF – See, this is actually kind of funny, as opposed to all his other “green” strips thus far.

    MT – Oh man, Mibbitmaker totally called it. The sheer lunacy on display here is overwhelming.

    MW – It’s like they originally wrote this so that Dawn was sixteen, and the syndicate made them change it.

    MC – Damn, the art in this strip is good.

    Pluggers – Pluggers think “Sudoku” is anything with columns of numbers.

    Popeye – If the last couple weeks are any indication, Olive gets superpowered nearly as often as Lois Lane.


    SM – Oh please let this be some supervillain’s death trap…

    Edison Lee – can talk just as soon as he presents some viable solutions to existing problems.

    Zits – Very, very funny. I likes.

  299. Gal Friday
    August 10th, 2007 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp is awesome(ly bad) today. Not even considering panel 2, note how Gil instructs young Ritter keep his knees bent!!!!! Um, one knee bent, you mean? Right?!

  300. gh
    August 10th, 2007 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    #226 Joe Btfsplk –

    That is priceless. You better hire an agent, pronto.

    Dean Booth, t.a.m.s.y., hell, everyone is hot today, except Aunt Fizzy it seems, who’s another kind of hot altogether WINK. Lemme go rustle up some snark.

  301. commodorejohn
    August 10th, 2007 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    Er, crap, I meant Joe Btfsplk, not Mibbitmaker.

  302. gh
    August 10th, 2007 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    GT — “Nope – don’t loop it! It will just come loose again. Tie a knot in it! I’m tired of seeing it hanging out the bottom of your shorts.”

    As of today I can no longer call this (DT)GT. I want it to live forever.

    MTWHO? … DON’T KNOW … WHAT’S … HE DID IT … YOU FOOL! See? If you only read the bold words you get the whole story and have time left to run over and play Squack.

    FC — Whatever’s in that bowl, I’d stay away from it. Barfy just had some that dropped on the floor.

  303. Perky Bird
    August 10th, 2007 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    FC: “No, Dolly, you don’t get a cushion. In fact, you don’t even get to sit at the table. You’re such a little porker that missing a meal would do you good.”

    Seriously, folks, what’s supposed to be the humor in today’s strip? (Or, “WHAT’S supposed to be the humor…”)

  304. rich
    August 10th, 2007 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    I’m especially digging the snark on today’s FW — spot-on, and so deserving! (198 LTBF, 291 benro, 298 commodorejohn…could that be Clambake in that last panel??).

    Also 293, T.Chicana, on FOOB and FW: Bifecta!

  305. mattt
    August 10th, 2007 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    #239 T. Chicana “Foob: Francie wouldn’t say, “Okay.” She’d say, “You’re not my mom! I hate you!!!!””

    LOL! And “You’re not the boss of me!” So true…

  306. beanGirl
    August 10th, 2007 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    Ice cream Francie? Really? You should just be happy to be out of your cage.

  307. Laura c
    August 10th, 2007 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    9CL: I had no idea that Gomez Addams was a gay icon.
    (DT)GT: That second panel is the single weirdest shot I have seen in Gil Thorp.
    MT: Something is missing here. “Leo, you fool!” doesn’t make sense unless Leo were throwing himself across the path of Mark’s oncoming fist to protect the facial hair of his partner by sacrificing his own magnificent ‘stache and sideburns. “Leo, you fool! Nooooo!…”

  308. Dennis Jimenez
    August 10th, 2007 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    303 – The bigger the cushion, the better the pushin’ – ya know what I mean.

  309. stinky pete
    August 10th, 2007 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    302 gh, new name for GT = I(H)GT for “I (Hrtea) Gli Thrpo”?

  310. Inspector Dim
    August 10th, 2007 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    Lisa is making a tape for Summer so she’ll know what to do when she meets Wienis.

  311. huntingbyrd
    August 10th, 2007 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    Why the hell is he SAYING wink!!?? HE should just wink not say it!
    Thats what you do in stupid cartoons! Its true i swear!

  312. Uncle Lumpy
    August 10th, 2007 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    #309 Stinky P –

    I(H)GT: I (Hearte) Gil Thorp?

  313. mattt
    August 10th, 2007 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    #239? Yeah, I meant #293 T. Chicana

    Seriously, we need to be able to edit our comments. Seriously.


  314. John C Fremont
    August 10th, 2007 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    # 298 – Commodore, I don’t think the MAS-ter would approve.

  315. odinthor
    August 10th, 2007 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp — What’s discombobulating about panel 2 is that we the audience are forced to accept the fact that we’re sitting on the floor somewhere behind Bill checking out Bill’s crotch from behind. Um . . . gee whiz . . . And then Gil is happily making eye contact with us via said crotch. OK, Gil–you’re the coach!

    Any doubts that Bill and his attention-grabbing crotch will eventually become Gail Martin’s chief of security?

  316. Rainbird
    August 10th, 2007 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    My favorite strips that are still around are Rhymes with Orange, The Duplex stupid, but it makes me laugh.

    My favorite that are no longer good or around or by the orignal author are Prince Valient which I have reprints of all the strips until Hal stopped drawing and writing them. Calvin and Hobbes, and Pogo.

  317. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 10th, 2007 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    Classic comic revival? I vote for Friday Foster! And put it in the same universe as Apartment #G. When was the last time Margo and Luann met a black person in New York City? I want to see them saying “What happened to her face? Why is she using so much bronzer?” Crossover!

  318. benro
    August 10th, 2007 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    It’s great how Gil Thorp, without even trying, manages to be the most surreal comic strip in existence today, far surpassing Zippy the Pinhead.

  319. The Divine O’F
    August 10th, 2007 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    Words: Yes, Squack is good. Henceforward that is what I will call it. It pays tribute to our Squid Countess, AND describes how my brain feels when I try to play it.

    gh: Yes, we can drop the (DT) from GT. For the time being, anyway.

    benro: How do you know Gil Thorp isn’t even trying? I submit that it IS.

  320. Rocky Jones
    August 10th, 2007 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    Hello hello hi!

    About yesterday’s MW: Drew doesn’t notice that his colleague is suffering a stroke because he himself is clearly lost in the throes of an ether frolic. As a matter of fact, based on the way they’re drawn, it seems like most of the characters are lost in an ether frolic most of the time. Which goes a long way towards explaining the appeal of Charterstone’s pool parties.

    I also have to comment on Wednesday’s Luann. While I’m finding the current Cat in the Hat costume storyline pretty weak, I must admit that the implied visual of Gunther shoving a drill into the Cat’s eye to be, well, surprisingly avant-guard.

  321. benro
    August 10th, 2007 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    Perhaps the difference is Gil Thorp is meth-induced surrealism, as opposed to Zippy’s acid-induced surrealism.

  322. MonkeyHawk
    August 10th, 2007 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    I’m not certain, but I think I may have coined the term “Word Crack.”

    Sorry to offend, Squid.

    I can live with “Squack.”

    sic transit gloria

  323. Rocky Jones
    August 10th, 2007 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    “I find” the implied visual, dammit.

  324. The Divine O’F
    August 10th, 2007 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    FOOB: heave… heave… heave… heave… heave… usURP!

    GF: Okay, I’m happy now. Tantrum meditation–great! But I still think Rob should have taken him to the vet.

    Pibgorn(WTF) I give up.

    MT: Teeny, tiny, tilting Leo looks EXACTLY like those “learn to draw” ads on the backs of matchbook covers.

    Oh, lord, I am such a Plugger.

    RMMD: Wow! It’s like Harry Potter or Grimm’s Fairy Tales, with Avery’s raft in the North Sea magically appearing through the clouds. This is awesome! And by “awesome” I mean batshit insane!

  325. migellito
    August 10th, 2007 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp:
    “And remember Bill, since you only have one leg, you should take cheap shots like THIS!”

    And the Milford summer gym crew cheered as Gil blasted Bill so hard in the crotch his prosthetic leg flew off and shattered into a million plastic shards.

  326. LTBF
    August 10th, 2007 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    Maybe that is Wink Martindale he is talking to.

  327. gh
    August 10th, 2007 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    #309 stinky pete, #312 Uncle Lumpy –

    I(H)GT can encompass all possible variants. Master Soft Heart believes there is room in this world for all kinds of freak spelling. Freak comics too.

  328. bats :[
    August 10th, 2007 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    250-251. IdleDandy and Brown-eyed Girl: humpf! Evidently YOU’D rather see something like this! (yeah, I would, too):

  329. fizzy logic
    August 10th, 2007 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    How about I(W)GT = I (Wink) Gil Torpor?

  330. The Divine O’F
    August 10th, 2007 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    328 bats: BWAHAHAHA!

  331. Mountain Mama
    August 10th, 2007 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    #136–Stinky Pete, I think I love you. I LOVE early Chicago.

  332. Mountain Mama
    August 10th, 2007 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    #136–Stinky Pete, I think I love you. I LOVE early Chicago.

  333. Mountain Mama
    August 10th, 2007 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    Damn. Didn’t think I’d hit the post button the first time. Sorry.

  334. will
    August 10th, 2007 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    8/10 TDIET: I love the “urge to goulash his hide, but good.” I think my favorite part of that strip has to be his descriptions of the various ‘urges.’

  335. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 10th, 2007 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    FMinus today graces us with a sex joke too puerile for Playboy. My first thought was, “Why isn’t the guy mad at the squirrel? It just took a huge bite out of his scalp.”

  336. Hal Jordan
    August 10th, 2007 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: “This ought to be good… Mr. Driver is in here!” said the left 38DD. That’s so unspeakable filthy I had to take a shower. “Yeah baby, it IS good in here! Just ask my friend, Mr. PoundsYouInDelight!”
    FC: “Yes Dolly, you get the cushion! I’m just going to place it over your face like Chief did to Randle McMurphy.”
    FOOB: Wow Liz. You’re really shitty about disciplining kids! One little “Please, please, please” and you cave in like a Utah coal mine (sorry, not funny at all). It’s a good thing you don’t work with kids for a living… Oh…
    Mark Trail: Cool under pressure! That’s what Commissioner Walt Disney is! True story: I had two roommates several years ago. One was trying to sell a fish tank through an ad in the newspaper. Before he left for a long weekend, he told the two of us staying behind, “I’m asking $200, but I’ll take any price above $150.” So when someone called about the tank, what was the first thing my other roommate said? Oh yeeeeeaaah! “He’s asking $200, but he’ll take any price above $150.” (Stifling the urge to put his goulash in the fish tank!)

  337. Brown-eyed Girl
    August 10th, 2007 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    328 bats. Once again, you have made a dull and boring FOOB into a work of comic page genius.

  338. gh
    August 10th, 2007 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    #328 bats :[

    That’s who it was! I couldn’t remember who made me spit coffee with the Flickr mashup yesterthread.

    Now you’re 2-0.

  339. Crababa
    August 10th, 2007 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    I don’t think that Cookie will die if he falls from that distance. Not to mention he will break his fall on the garbage cans below, where I assume most of the ingredients for his recipes come from. Maybe he will fall headfirst into the garbage and drown in his own meatball sauce. Now THAT would be funny.

  340. Ghost Riders in the Foob
    August 10th, 2007 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    #235, I love Over the Hedge, sweet craziness with seldom a letdown, and far too seldom mentioned around here. Also Lio and PBS.

    And, Uncle Lumpy, I share your love of Li’l Abner, but since it is at least still available in reruns, I yearn more for a return of Pogo.

  341. AtomicDog
    August 10th, 2007 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    Pibgorn: Ahhhhhh. I wish I smoked. I could use a cigarette

  342. SecretMargo
    August 10th, 2007 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Learning that Brooke watches the Addam’s Family movies as soft-core gay porn does little to bolster the credibility he lost by making Francis’s waistband encricle his ribs. Is this his way of protesting having to dress his characters in anything at all?

    A3G: My God, Alan, if you find hustling that soul-damagingly arduous, maybe you shouldn’t cruise around your old “workplace” in the wee hours of the morning wearing your most fetching black leather vest. You tease.

    Crankshaft: The smirking has metastisized and become actively malignant, manipulating its host to maximize its propogation. Witness today’s shocking scene: after days of warning her father of the dangers of climbing a rickety ladder, the daughter has now taken up a position twenty feet away from the base, presumably because the full effect of crossing her arms in ironic bemusement would be marred by, you know, actually holding the ladder to prevent horrifying tragedy from occurring. But then, what would there be left to smirk about?

    Also: am I the only one horrified by Batiuk’s apparent belief that the horrifying anticipation of an elderly man toppling from a ladder to grave injury or death = great opportunity for a pun? “Timber!” indeed. I’m surprised it wasn’t the daughter shown saying it. Ironically. While smirking. From twenty feet away.

    FW: No, no, no. It’s, “I can’t believe I married you, you pasty, smirking geekfest. Can’t you let me spend my final moments in peace?”

    Garfield: I love it when Garfield gets surreal and dark like this. I laughed out loud.

    Gil Thorp: It seems like that fabulous crotch shot would only be justified if it allowed us to see the prosthetic we would have otherwise missed, and thus are reminded of the adversity our peglegged pugilist is overcoming. But we don’t, and instead all the crotch appears to be coming over is the coach’s head. Don’t loop it!

    Marvin: The dangers of txtspk for the unitiated, illustrated. What’s the first word that comes to mind when you try to puzzle out “sxz”? It’s not “socks,” is it?

  343. Mountain Mama
    August 10th, 2007 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    #230—You have Snoopy aprons? Where did you get them, please? I’d love to have one.

  344. Lame Name
    August 10th, 2007 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    I’m not reading through all the comments, so I apologize if I’m making the same points as someone else.

    BB: If this is his idea of casual, I wonder what his idea of beach wear is. Probably a huge purple-and-red-striped codpiece.

    DtM: Ha ha! People with glasses are freaks!

    FOOB: Wasn’t this the same M.O. as the witch in Hansel and Gretel?

    GA: I *love* “simonize your watches”! Although I first read it as “sodomize,” which was even funnier.

    GF: I know earlier posters were concerned about Satchel, so it’s nice to be able to breathe a sigh of relief over the fact that he has developed an incredibly effective coping mechanism for life with Bucky. Just a tip, Satch — don’t ever do it when your pockets are full of loose change, and hide all the markers.

    MF: As part of my ongoing effort to “go green” … I’m recycling old Hillary jokes and Republican talking points!

    Big Dog: And a leash. And a human. With a pooper scooper.

    Phantom: No, the “Crak” broke your arm. “Punk” is the sound a paddle makes when it hits you in the solar plexus.

    Aprons: I wear one about once a year, usually when I’m baking all day for a fundraiser.

    Nom de blog: Hugh is still alive, but that doesn’t mean I’m taking Gold-Digging Nanny out of the running. I’m also thinking something like The Dreaded Canoe, or even just Canoe!, would be good in light of recent Phantom strips. Input?

  345. Lame Name
    August 10th, 2007 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    I don’t look at Marvin regularly — it’s one of my coping mechanisms — and didn’t realize they were still on textspeak till I saw SecretMargo’s comment at 342.

    Marvin FTL.

  346. T. Chicana
    August 10th, 2007 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    #313 Mattt: Thanks for the props and taking the time to make the number right! Would you like to come replace my co-workers? You’re a lot nicer and more competent than they are!

    Another Hideous Foobish Coffee Talk Observation:
    Oh. MY. Holy. JesusMaryAndJoseph!! That last sentence. YIPES:

    From “Robert G”
    I must compliment you on this strip and today’s episode in particular. In today’s general cartooning population, “For Better or Worse” stands out for, among other things, its art, character development, maturity of story and pure thoughtful entertainment. I cannot wait to see Anthony’s response to the kiss from that sweet thing.

    Robert G (age 76), Tucson AZ

  347. Tweeks_Coffee
    August 10th, 2007 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    Comics that forgot to add a punchline today: Family Circus, Herb & Jamaal, Hi & Lois, Luann

    Blondie: What is that pattern on Dagwood’s pajamas? it looks like he’s covered in targets.
    DT: Why, in the name of God, is it broadcasting anything? If this is the best technology the Russians could muster I don’t think we were in any danger during the Cold War.
    Dilbert: Man, I really want a pair of tall pants for myself.
    JP: Geez, the tits in this strip are starting to get excessive.

    (DT)GT: In case anyone ever feels the need to ask why I love Gil Thorp, the second panel today should answer that quite nicely.
    MT: County Commissioner cracks under pretty light pressure, really. All because Mark shows up grinning like an idiot (He’s clearly stoned) and talking about buzzards. Thus ends the enthralling investigation.
    MW: That picture of Dawn is more unsettling than usual. I also can’t figure out why Drew is driving with his fingertips. Shouldn’t he be gripping the steering wheel at least a little bit?
    Phantom: Would anyone actually say that if they just got oared? I’m willing to bet not. Meanwhile; the Ghost-Who-Spectates continues to leave all the rescuing to the kids.
    RMMD: But…but…you’re looking right at them. You have their exact coordinates, how big could this grid they’re searching be?
    SM: Yep, going down…on the stallion MJ loves to straddle so much…yep.

  348. FSogol
    August 10th, 2007 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    Old comics? No one could ever do Peanuts, Pogo, Calvin and Hobbes, or Lil Abner as well as the originals so leave them in the past. I’d like to have Boondocks and Liberty Meadows back. But the old strip I most like to see return is “Steve Roper and Mike Nomad” which at times was as close to “The Big Lewboski” as a comic strip could get.

  349. Mountain Mama
    August 10th, 2007 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    The second panel of today’s GT is delightfully, gleefully horrid.

    I admit it, I’m a GT convert, too. It’s insanity I can get my head around.

  350. Lame Name
    August 10th, 2007 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    283 Major Hoople (Re: DT comment)

    The frequency is 102.7. Dan Rather, aka “Kenneth,” revealed it on the Borowitz Report just as he retired:

    Borowitz hasn’t been posting as much as he used to. His last current event post was in July: “Cheney, Briefly Assuming Bush’s Duties, Says He Enjoyed The Downtime.”

  351. Uncle Lumpy
    August 10th, 2007 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    #348 FSogol –

    I enjoyed “Steve Roper and Mike Nomad”, too — sort of an updated Steve Canyon with more fists and less rectitude.

    It was interesting to watch Mike Nomad gradually take over the strip as Steve Roper got saddled with history and respectability. The same thing happened to Alan Parker (Sam Driver), Dr. Benton Quest (Race Bannon), Gil Thorp (Kaz), and Elizabeth Patterson (April).

    I suppose it’s one way of reanimating a tired series (or one that advances in time, so characters age and settle down).

  352. Ribinin
    August 10th, 2007 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    FW: Having read the Foundation Trilogy (+2) a couple of times, I would have said that keeping the recordings secret was the main idea.

  353. benro
    August 10th, 2007 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    350 – Looks like he just posted another one.

  354. Calico
    August 10th, 2007 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    #346 – “Anthony’s response” – HAHAHHAHA!

    It’ll be on or right about the Equator. Arrrg.

  355. Perky Bird
    August 10th, 2007 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail– I just remembered, in my old job, I used to receive documents from a woman named Diana Buzzard. She worked out West for the Interior Department, I think. I wonder if she was the wife of our friend “Buzzard” in Mark Trail…

  356. Forthillrox
    August 10th, 2007 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    JP: Rusty Duncan was “born and bred in Back Bay”? Hardly sounds it, since that’s like saying “I was born and bred in Bronx”. I think she’s a faker, or her character was written by someone who’d never been to Boston, but has seen pictures of it. She’d be more convincing if she’d said “I was born and bred in The Back Bay”. She’ll blow her cover if she refers to The Hub of the Universe as “Beantown” (something natives just don’t do).

    BTW: my name here is a play on the name of my own neighborhood in Boston: Fort Hill, Roxbury.

  357. bats :[
    August 10th, 2007 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    346. T. Chicana: I think after the AZ Curminions lunch in September, we’re gonna have to round up the posses (we do have a posse, don’t we, Divine O’F?) and deal some frontier justice to Paul S. of Oro Valley and Robert G. (age 76) of Tucson.
    Age is no excuse.

  358. bats :[
    August 10th, 2007 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    347. Tweeks: I think Dr. Drew is driving with his fingertips because he’s suddenly gotten a case of the heeby-jeebies (not to be confused with the hubba-hubbas).

    OTOH, he may simply be distracted:

  359. PaulS
    August 10th, 2007 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    357. bats I will be waiting for you. Bring it on.

  360. AhClem
    August 10th, 2007 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    GA – In a perfect world, hippie chopper pilot will misjudge the wind, and the meteorite will come crashing through Slim’s apartment.

    Bonus points if Slim is inside it at the time.

  361. Plinko Commie
    August 10th, 2007 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    Someone may have already brought this up, but how on earth do Marvin’s parents know he’s 1337-speaking? Do Marvin’s comments float over his head in IRL bubbles? Because that would be hella awesome, if a possible fire hazard when he has something on his mind.

  362. Islamorada Girl
    August 10th, 2007 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    I suggest we all take to writing letters to FOOB composed in the most sugary, Precious Moments, icky. flattering, worshipful phrases our evil little minds can think of. Praise so sickeningly sweet it would give one diabetes just to read it. And I bet every single one of them would get printed.

  363. gh
    August 10th, 2007 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    #362 Islamorada Girl –

    You’re on. Where’s the site so we can get a feel for what works?

  364. Godzooky
    August 10th, 2007 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    #362 Islamadora Girl: But I thought those sugar, sugar messages in Coffee Talk were already tongue-in-cheek. They couldn’t be for real, could they?

  365. gh
    August 10th, 2007 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    #364 Godzooky -

    Thanks. I think.

  366. Bootsy
    August 10th, 2007 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    Foob: apologies if I am oversnarking here, but WTF are Liz and The Lip going on and on about? They dated in high school, and they’re what? mid twenties or so now? How much damn time have they wasted? Christ on a cracker!

    Allie Cat a few threads ago: re aprons. My sister worked at Cafe du Monde (yes, site of Trotzenbonnie’s famous M!B!S! shirt photo) whilst in college, and she snagged me one of the full aprons from there, and I used to wear ir whenever I was baking cuz flour goes everywhere and I am nothing if not enthusiastic in my kneading.

    However, the half apron with the frills? Nah

  367. Major Hooples Boarding House
    August 10th, 2007 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    #350 – Lame Name

    Thanks! I was beginning to think no one was going to get the reference.

    #348 / 351

    Oh, Steve Roper & Mike Nomad I liked that one too. I remember when Mike got his 3-cylinder Kawasaki.

  368. benro
    August 10th, 2007 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    Actually, there are some pretty critical comments on the Coffee Talk page.

  369. DCBirdblaster
    August 10th, 2007 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    “Turns out it’s just equal parts sexual attraction and self-delusion! Once you’ve finally chosen to spend your life with a person, that’s when the scales fall from your eyes and you realize you’re chained to another insufferably imperfect human being, forever — and the only way out is suicide.”

    I might be reading too much into this, but Josh, it wasn’t too long ago when you were Mr Happy McGiddypants about getting married to Mrs C. The comments above might suggest otherwise now.

  370. gh
    August 10th, 2007 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    Hmmmm. Just went to Glurge Talk and I must say, there’s some ticked off people. Must be the heat. Either that, or the Lynnions took Friday off.

    Oops! benro beat me to it.

  371. IdleDandy
    August 10th, 2007 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    commodorejohn 298: Black Hole reference! You win!

    FC: PJ is sitting in Mommy’s old high chair? You know, Bil, they have updated the safety standards on those things a little bit in the past 25 or 30 years…

    293: Or Francie might wrap herself around Liz’s leg and squeal, “I’ll do whatever you want! Just please don’t leave me like my real mommy did!”

    and HA HA HA! Pluggers are morons! Math is hard; let’s go shopping!

    328: bats :[ I love it. I love it! Send her to Abu Dhabi.

    346: Ew. EW EW EW! So dirty old men read FOOB? Who knew.

  372. rich
    August 10th, 2007 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    Steve Roper and Mike Nomad was great — I’d love to have a collection of those 1970s strips. I always thought of Mike Nomad as a James Coburn character.

  373. Major Hooples Boarding House
    August 10th, 2007 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    # 362 Islamorada Girl & others

    I placed my entry into Foobblog (Fooblog?). If you see a mention about the Kelpforths, it’s mine.

  374. Little Guy
    August 10th, 2007 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    Candorville: Darrin, I’se love ya, but if, in six months, you have Lemont wailing to Susan that he has no HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME!!!!, there’ll be a detachment from the Narn Bat Squad that’ll be knocking on your door around the Hour of the Wolf.

  375. Brown-eyed Girl
    August 10th, 2007 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    Note to self: Never, ever, go to the Foob site and read Coffee Talk. Who knew glurge could be so depressing?

  376. Tim T.
    August 10th, 2007 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    #328 Bats:[ That was hilarious. Thanks a bunch! FOOBSNARKERS RULE!

    #362 Islamorada Girl: Actually, I’ve got an idea that might already be happening. How else to account for some of the sappiness going on there?
    It can’t be sincere.(Or maybe I’ve just been spending too much time here and can no longer recognize the genuine heartfelt appreciation some folks feel for FBOFW!)
    Best wishes to all Curmudgeonites.

  377. Little Guy
    August 10th, 2007 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    356: You’re right. The boobiage distracted me in the reading. Then again, I missed Shan(…)non’s ‘fiend’.

    Born and raised in the Back Bay, Rusty? Well, you might have the funbags for the Esplanade, but you’re no Mrs Jack. Then again, I bet Harvard was your ‘safety school’ after getting turned down by BC, BU, and Northeastern.

  378. Dr. Mabuse
    August 10th, 2007 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    “What does ‘usurp’ mean?”

    She’s listening to you. She’s listening to every word you two say and she’s going to report it all to Therese the next time she has visitation.

  379. Krauthead
    August 10th, 2007 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    346 T. Chicana:

    Angsthony’s response to “a kiss from that sweet thing” will be to grab his crotch, cream his pants, and scream: “OOHHHH THE REALITY DOESN’T LIVE UP TO THE FANTASY!!!!!!!!”

  380. rich
    August 10th, 2007 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    356: And Rusty “Faker” Duncan used to love to hang out on the Boston “Commons.”

  381. Krauthead
    August 10th, 2007 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    362 Islamorada Girl:
    Lynn never publishes any of my “fbofw coffee talk” comments……….and I leave one every other day.

    In the latest comment I told her that her comic strip was very irritating to read, ever since Mr. Hairlip married a woman he didn’t love, goaded her into having a baby she didn’t particularly want, and spent the rest of his marraige pining away for another woman.

    I told her to just rename FBOFW to “For Liz and Blandthony”.

    I don’t think Lynn the foob will publish that one either…….

  382. LTBF
    August 10th, 2007 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    “There will be a boy in your school about four years younger than you that is the principal’s grandson. You might want to avoid dating you, since he is your half-brother”

  383. Sweet Pea
    August 10th, 2007 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    Not that it matters anymore, because I think that “Get Fuzzy” is dead, but it has always bothered me that Rob feeds his pets veggies, b/c a real dog and cat would suffer on such a diet. I *know* that Bucky and Satch aren’t “real,” but some cartoon strips have animals as people-type charachters, and some have them as animal-types, and Bucky and Satchel always seemed to be more the real sort of animals, not the weirdly anthormorphic types like Skylock Fox.

  384. LTBF
    August 10th, 2007 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    Wait, he would be your half-nephew. Jokes work better if you get them right the first time.

  385. Adjuster
    August 10th, 2007 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    235 Tweeks: I’m of two minds about the comic I’d most like to see back, which is NORB by Daniel Pinkwater and Tony Auth. It was a cool strip – but on the other hand, the way it ended was amazing.

    On the very last strip ever, the protagonists say, “So if (villan) presses this button, the entire universe will disappear?”

    That’s going out with a bang!

  386. Dean Booth
    August 10th, 2007 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    I’ll make a small contribution to the great image work by t.a.m.s.y and bats :[ today:

    RMMD + Phantom = The Ghost That Floats

    And some GT silliness (mildly NSFW).

    …I didn’t realize until just now that both of these involve men’s butts. What’s with that?

  387. Gagott68
    August 10th, 2007 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    From the FOOB Worshipper’s Page:

    “I stand by Liz’s decision. Not Lynn’s (life can sometimes be as contrived as the situations occasionally found in FBoFW,) not my own opinion. Liz will achieve what makes her happy.

    Tara, Virginia”

    HUH? Do these people not realize the FOOB is a freaking comic strip? Liz’s decision IS Lynn’s decision although the whole thing has so completely spiraled out of the realm of reality that it might appear to be out of anyone’s control. Get a life, Tara.

  388. The Divine O’F
    August 10th, 2007 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    357 Bats: absolutely. We can have a real old-fashioned necktie party. Also: great new mashup.

    362 I-Girl: What a great idea! And I think that could take some of our minds off Squidcrack.

  389. Justin
    August 10th, 2007 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    Super-complicated goulash.

    Just let that sink in.

    Super-complicated goulash.

  390. T. Chicana
    August 10th, 2007 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    357: Bats :[, yes! Give Robert G. a wedgie for me when you hunt him down! 76-year-old or no.

    p.s. I have really been enjoying all of your flickr creations! Just pure joy.

  391. Sheilagh
    August 10th, 2007 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    Given that Dad Patterson’s been pimping for Granthony all this time, any normal woman would have crossed him right off the list, just to teach her father to butt out of her bidness. What’s next for Liz? Is she going to let her father pick out her ring and her house and tell her how many children to have? Charming. (In the way a Thomas Kincaide painting is charming. As in nauseating.)

  392. True Fable
    August 10th, 2007 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    Hey, I went to the ER recently and I didn’t see any bland sandy-haired doctors, no Tommie Thompson and no Dr. Drew or his Dr. Wink sidekick. Thankfully, I didn’t expect to see them either, unlike some Foob followers who seem to think if they go to Corbeil they will find Millsborough and see Liz Patterson.

    Happily I was not in a coma when I arrived, and I did not come home to Margo Magee. All things considered, I won this round. :-)

  393. IdleDandy
    August 10th, 2007 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    391: Pa Patterson can’t pick out her house. Liz, Anthony, and Francie have to move in with Mike, Dee, and their kids. Then April and Duncan will move in and have babies. Because the purpose of life is to marry the first person of the opposite sex you’ve ever met and move into the house you grew up in.

  394. Epoxy Creep
    August 10th, 2007 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    #347: I’m sorry, but this sentence – “Geez, the tits in this strip are starting to get excessive” – makes no sense to me. I mean, i recognize the individual words, but….

    RMMD: Less tech, more tits! The titapalooza in Judge Parker is making you look bad! June and Heather can compete, I know! Just give them the chance!



  395. nsr
    August 10th, 2007 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

  396. Albuqwirkymom
    August 10th, 2007 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    The AGJU 2000 is now a reality. It is apparently writing FOOB.

  397. Mibbitmaker
    August 10th, 2007 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    My own #235 (Tweeks) answer post….

    Calvin & Hobbes: It had the ‘feel’ of a classic old strip from sometime between 1900 and, say, 1960; including the drawing style, even though said style was unique to its comic. Great style and imagination. Imperfect in that there got to be too much “my opinion on everything” (the nadir for me was a late attack on “classic rock” listeners).

    Peanuts: The strip that hooked me as a kid way back. I prefer it be in collections than in the paper as a Zombie strip, though.

    Zits: Some imaginative stuff in there, and, mostly, I just love Borgman’s art.

    Mutts: Also very classic-strip-like, esp. the art. A charmer. Also like C&H, too much opinion on occassion, though I actually prefer those issues on cause-appropriate posters I’ve seen than mucking up the actual strip.

    Get Fuzzy: Uniquely absurdist, with a great jerky character in Bucky. I hate to have to put it in the “opinion-forced-in” category with Calvin and Mutts. Hope that’s just a passing thing.

    Non Sequitur: When I don’t disagree with the often badly-allegorized opinions, I like this one in a pseudo-editorial cartoon way, and the Danae ones in a C&H-satire way (except whenever her male-bashing is written as sympathetic).

    Dilbert: Wonderfully absurdist-surrealist satire; I don’t even hold an office job and I “get” it. I’ve come to see the sparse, talent-challenged drawing as more complementary to the feel and tone than just badly drawn.

  398. nsr
    August 10th, 2007 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    That’s “stealing ideas from ‘Married with Children’”.

  399. Dennis Jimenez
    August 10th, 2007 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    I’d like to see the Patterson’s all living together in some kind of fundamentalist Mormon style compound. Stay tuned for the canuck ATF interdiction.

  400. Buck Fuffalo
    August 10th, 2007 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    Popeye: Olive Oyl has eaten the peyote strawberrys, ignoring the advice on the ground beneath her. Like the cow, will she now put Popeye’s head in her mouth?

    Wait. That didn’t come out right.

  401. Dean Booth
    August 10th, 2007 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    I’ve been reading on an off and can’t comment on all the great snark, but
    #226. Nicely done, Joe
    #251 Brown-eyed Girl “that is as far as my mind wants to take that thought” — You know you want more!
    #302, 309, gh and pete, I’m with you on the I(H)GT bandwagon.
    #257, Spotted HØrse: much better FW punchline.

  402. Mibbitmaker
    August 10th, 2007 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    The other #235 question…

    Given the idea that bringing back means at its peak by the original author, not a fill-in, old strips reprinted, nor way-past-its-prime (like this decade’s FOOB)….

    I’d have Pogo brought back, but back when Selby did it in real life. Meaning, peak Walt Kelly (’50s-’60s) brought back in full force to 1973, so we could see how he’d’ve handled Watergate as a subject. He’d be a natural at it. (I feel the same way about the timing of “Saturday Night (Live)” in a reverse way: I wish it started, earlier, in the ’72-3 season for much the same reason)

  403. John C Fremont
    August 10th, 2007 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    # 367 – Ye Gods, Major, I’d completely forgotten about the existence of the Kawasaki Machs! I was never a big two-stroke fan (gee, that sounds so dirty when I see it in writing!) but those bikes were a force be reckoned with. I mean, they were each individually forces with which to be reckoned. Or something.

  404. cheech wizard
    August 10th, 2007 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    FW – Les comforts his dying wife with an idea he got from
    a sci-fi writer. Coming up next: a deathbed conversion to Scientology.

  405. Brown-eyed Girl
    August 10th, 2007 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    386 Dean Booth. Something for the girls. Thank you!

  406. AppleGirl
    August 10th, 2007 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    Everyone’s hooked on Word Crack. I’m so out of the loop. I have no idea. My mind has turned to mush because I’ve been away from the east coast for so long. Clueless in California. Please forgive me but…

    What in the world is Word Crack?

  407. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    August 10th, 2007 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    Word Crack:

    Enter at your own risk.

  408. Brown-eyed Girl
    August 10th, 2007 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    406 and 407. Don’t do it AppleGirl. The site is vast ocean from which there is no return, and SQB is one of the Great White Sharks ;-)

  409. 4EvahFan
    August 10th, 2007 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    I’ve been reading these awesome posts for some time now (was so happy to find a community of people who roll their eyes at FOOB as much as I do), but I could never compete with your observations! You all are brilliant!
    But, I’ll admit, when I read today’s, I thought Granthony said, “what is usurp?” and I thought, he’s boring, sad, pathetic, AND stupid. Go get ‘em Liz!!

  410. Mooncattie
    August 10th, 2007 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    That HAS to be a shout-out to the Comics Curmudgeon from Brewster Rockit today. What are the odds of coming up with Schrödinger’s cat? He’s even got Schrödinger’s dog as well!

  411. Mooncattie
    August 10th, 2007 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    409 4EvahFan, at first glance I thought it was ol’ Fishlips asking what “usurp” meant, too. So the big pun of the day is that is sounds like “slurp”? Oh, the hilarity.

  412. SecretMargo
    August 10th, 2007 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    409: I totally misread it that way, too, and I prefer to keep rereading it so that the last line is Francie’s. It makes a frightening amount of sense then: Francie as a mini-mastermind manipulator à la Abbey the Wonder Dog or Sophie, and Anthony is an illiterate patsy too dumb to realize that he should just pay dominatrixes to whip instead of letting his unrecognized desires ruin both his life and that of the women around him.

  413. Uncle Lumpy
    August 10th, 2007 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    #412 SM –

    “Dominatrices”, no? Pluralized as in –

    Abbey Spencer
    On her knees:
    Queen of the

  414. SmartPeopleOnIce
    August 10th, 2007 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    Ahoy, Divine O’F and other folks attacking the NY caption contest.

    Have you guys seen this? I was looking through it in Borders last night (you can view a few pages on the Amazon listing, but the whole thing is hysterical).



    PS: (Confidential to Budweiser) Dudes, if you’re looking for an idea for Real Men Of Genius how about: “Creepy guys who sleep in the Borders comfy chairs.”

    There ya go.

    No charge.

  415. Squid Countess
    August 10th, 2007 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    I read a story today about celebratory days throughout the year It stated that March 13th is the day on which to comemmorate the discovery of Uranus. (Nothing about with one hand or two, though.)

  416. SecretMargo
    August 10th, 2007 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    413: Or maybe just “dominatrix,” like “moose” or “deer”?

    “I’m sorry I was late, but there was a herd of dominatrix blocking the road for over half an hour.”

    Actually, there are enough typos in that comment that it seems like what I really could use is a herd ["murder"? "exacta"? "run"?] of tough copyeditrices.

    Or just a nice cocktail waitrix. It’s Friday.

  417. AppleGirl
    August 10th, 2007 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    Lynn’s Coffee Tawk should run a COTW. This cracked me up today:

    “You even shaved Anthony’s mustache off – the one thing that was carrying at least a campy following.
    Art, DC”

    407 – Skullturf Q. Beavispants – Thank you for cluing me in. WTF is this? All I see is rows and columns flashing on the screen too quickly to even see. I’m sure I’m too much of a mental midget for Word Crack, I can’t even SEE the thing long enough to see what the puzzle is. It’s like some subliminal message thing, flashing on and off for a tenth of a second. It’s gotta be making you buy things you never even knew you needed. You guys are all over that site. Impossible new addictions are such delicious torture, aren’t they?

  418. Uncle Lumpy
    August 10th, 2007 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    #416 SecretMargo –

    Try the Vielle.

  419. SecretMargo
    August 10th, 2007 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    417: It doesn’t blink in Firefox for me, but it does in Safari. Your faithful ‘mudgies have not been secretly replaced by battling seizure robots while you were away, I promise.

  420. bats :[
    August 10th, 2007 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    386. Dean Booth — high praise from the gentleman who got me all excited about doing mashups (yes, the Master of Mashups)! Many thanks (and to everyone else who’s said kind things — remember me when Lynn ‘n’ Brooke ‘n’ their lawyers come after me! Not to mention Paul S from Oro Valley…).

    Dean, I especially liked your unique, ah, “view” in GT. The closest I could come to it is just being reminded of the poster for the Bond movie “For Your Eyes Only” (the only Bond film I happen to own, and just for the villain — the subplot with a very middle-aged Roger Moore and that barely legal ice skater was just plain creepy, not unlike Dr. Drew and Dawn).

  421. AppleGirl
    August 10th, 2007 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    419 – SecretMargo – Ahhh, so it’s just Safari weirdness. I shall submit a bug report to the engineers ASAP. Thank you for your reassurance about my dear ‘mudgies.

  422. bats :[
    August 10th, 2007 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    Oh! I keep forgetting! My first response to bring back, or pretend it never left, classic comic is “Bloom County.” Opus is slowly bringing back old favorite characters, but nothing beat Bloom County for my money. (Maybe it’s because a friend of mind told me that whenever he rereads his Bloom County collections, my voice is the voice of Opus. I’m honored. I think.)

    But a strong second choice is for “Gordo.” Its creator, Gus Arriola, quit the strip on a strong, high note. It featured great characters (human and otherwise) and a clever bridge into introducing folks to Hispanic culture.

  423. Martingirl
    August 10th, 2007 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    Umm. I really hope that you reconsider the response to Paul S. at Coffee Talk. He is on another site and is one of the best FOOB bashers ever. He wrote this as a total “reverse snark” just to get it past the “censors”. Part of the fun was to see if the Lynnions could catch it. The “over the talk” praise was totally intentional.

  424. SecretMargo
    August 10th, 2007 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    423: Really? If so, well done then. (I halfway suspected something was up….)

  425. Sheilagh
    August 10th, 2007 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    #393, IdleDandy: You know what’s REALLY wrong with that picture? I dunno about you, but every so often, while having a totally enjoyable sex fantasy, I accidentally flash on the interior of my parents’ house. Which KILLS THE MOOD more effectively than six cold showers! Ick. Ew. Feh. NO. Not There!!!!

    And yet, here are these Patterspawn blithely moving their grown-up sweeties right into that house. Or at least Michael did, and I’m not at all sure Liz won’t! It gives me the creeps.

  426. t.a.m.s.y.
    August 10th, 2007 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    386, Dean: I learned it from watching you.

  427. aquagirl2
    August 10th, 2007 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    I got a bad haircut yesterday. I look just like Dawn. :(

  428. Marie de Pooh
    August 10th, 2007 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    Dawn – a girl between 16 and 46. Hey, I happen to look like Dawn too !

  429. The Divine O’F
    August 10th, 2007 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    Toodleoo, all. I’d hoped to see the dawn of a new thread, but alas….

  430. Spotted HØrse
    August 10th, 2007 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    #413 Uncle Lumpy: that… sniff… that was beautiful, man! Dominitrices!

  431. Marie de Pooh
    August 10th, 2007 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    #429 – oh, ouch… toodles to you too !

  432. Lynngineering
    August 10th, 2007 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    #417 Apple Girl – I can confess, Art, DC was my nom de plume, and needless to say I wrote a longer letter than that…. I just HAD to write something.

  433. mattt
    August 10th, 2007 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    #346 T. Chicana “Would you like to come replace my co-workers? You’re a lot nicer and more competent than they are!”
    Why, thanks. I dunno, maybe. What are your coworkers supposed to do?

  434. Uncle Lumpy
    August 10th, 2007 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    #433 mattt –

    What are your coworkers supposed to do?

    Why, ork cows, of course! See Popeye for complete details.

  435. SecretMargo
    August 10th, 2007 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    432: I appreciate how your adopted moniker makes it seem as if “art” itself, as a concept, practice, and way of life, has taken the time to write Lynn an angry missive. Wait ’til you get the one from “decency,” Johnston!

  436. Lame Name
    August 10th, 2007 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

    353 Benro — he does the filler column every year before Labor Day. I don’t count it.

  437. Lame Name
    August 10th, 2007 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    Paul S. via 423 — I avoid Coffee Talk for the most part — again, elaborate coping mechanism — but on Martingirl’s suggestion I checked out your post. Nicely done! Right under the radar, but touching on all the manipulations and spinelessness and general bad behavior in the strip. I tip my hat to you.

  438. Alina
    August 10th, 2007 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    Is there a psychological disorder that makes a person narrate their actions? Drew’s colleague/friend obviously has it, why else would he tell Drew he’s winking while winking.

  439. rich
    August 11th, 2007 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    I just love this site — tonight I got to read a beautifully constructed mega-sentence (412, SecretMargo), got an instructive spelling tip (413, Uncle Lumpy), and learned a great new phrase (reverse snark, via Martingirl at 423)!

    Also, feeling a bit of a Miss America vibe this weekend — excitedly waiting to see which worthy Curminion will take over the COTW crown…(or maybe more accurately — tonight — a Miss USA vibe……hic!)

  440. AtomicDog
    August 11th, 2007 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    404 – cheech wizard:

    Isaac Asimov was a SF writer, not sci-fi.

  441. mattt
    August 11th, 2007 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    #434 Ha!

    My first reaction was “What the hell is he talking about?” Then I got it, so “Ha!”

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