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They make horses wear skirt-suits, don’t they?

Six Chix, 12/4/11

I feel that our current long economic slump has yet to meet its potential for packaging economic desperation as sport. Sure, we’ve seen the occasional hobo party, but what about the dance marathons of old, where people boogied to exhaustion for cash prizes? That’s why I’m pleased to see how much our job fair attendees are really getting into this game of musical chairs. They’re not just walking sullenly in a circle waiting for the music to stop; they’re shaking their money makers, in the hopes that they might someday soon be given a chance to make money, via gainful employment. Dance, proles! Dance for your jobs, and for the amusement of your betters!

Hagar the Horrible, 12/4/11

Just to review, Hagar makes his living by leading bands of bloodthirsty warriors from Scandinavia down to Western Europe, stealing whatever movable goods he can find, murdering all who resist, and raping and enslaving the rest. Probably the nice people of France stopped being trusting and started being suspicious and fearful right around the time the first Viking horde came up the river and burned their villages to the ground! But it’s true, Hagar, you don’t have to lock your door, because you’ve bought the loyalty of a group of retainers, with plunder, so they’ll fight off your enemies for you. Unless your raids have been less than successful lately, in which case one of the more ambitious young men among them will probably kill you and take control of your warrior band!

Judge Parker, 12/4/11

Earlier this week Sam and Randy made a date to go to the firing range, where Sam’s going to give Randy some tips! But obviously Randy doesn’t need advice on how to turn down repeated offers of sex from beautiful women, as he’s already a master at that.

Spider-Man, 12/4/11

Last month my wife got a promotion, and now she makes more than me! I responded by mumbling something insincere and then stalking off to sulk. (Ha ha, just kidding, I congratulated her effusively and then we went and had a nice dinner, because I’m not a complete jackass.)

Panels from Mary Worth, 12/4/11

“I enjoy my cooking and thought that your opinion of it might be as high as mine! People who don’t like the things I like are trash and I don’t associate with them.”

297 responses to “They make horses wear skirt-suits, don’t they?”

  1. Droopy Says
    December 4th, 2011 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    A zillion times, Peter Parker? Please tell Billy Keane. The sad little melonhead needs to know there’s someone more math-challenged than he is.

  2. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 4th, 2011 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    SM: $10,000 a month? Yeah, I’d be pissed, too, because . . . okay, there must be some reason . . . give me a moment here . . . Nah. I got nothin’.

    Maybe, if Peter is really lucky, he’ll forget to lock the door, and some members of a Viking horde will come and steal all their money, and they can be poor again.

    (And my goodness you’re up early on a Sunday morning, Josh! At least you haven’t been lying awake pissed off at your lovely wife for, you know, doing a good job!)

  3. danteGideon
    December 4th, 2011 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    Give Spiderman a break – he’s clearly disturbed that MJ has splashed out on those sunglasses for her breasts in the penultimate panel.

  4. Liam
    December 4th, 2011 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    JP-Of course I do. That’s why I’m popular in the community.

  5. geekwhisperer
    December 4th, 2011 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth Mary is just trying to awkwardly divert the conversation away from the fact that her neighbor’s health plan is so shitty it won’t even play for a fifteen dollar pre-manufactured arm sling and she has to use a cravat from a boy-scout first aid kit circa the 1960′s.

  6. Sgt. Saunders
    December 4th, 2011 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    Interesting April in JP mentions a gun. At first (second and third) glance, panel 3 appears to show April holding a gun. But turns out it’s just a style exhibition from the judges Membahz Only collection, and some weird hand placement. I swear it looks like a pistol.

  7. Rachel
    December 4th, 2011 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    Congratulations Mrs. C on your promotion!

  8. Liam
    December 4th, 2011 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    I had the same feeling about Mary Worth when I read it today.

  9. Chareth Cutestory
    December 4th, 2011 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man: You know that your own personal relationships are on the right track by the little things, y’know? Like the way you’ll come blasting through the front door with good news at a near sprint, while your love will come gunning straight at you with her arms out. Then you’ll both prance around the room making weird kabuki hand gestures.

  10. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 4th, 2011 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#y224), @Comcis Fan (#y225): If you ask me, Mary Worth needs less Anne Frank and more Barney Frank. (Also not joking or snarking!)

    @ElkMeadow (#y230): To quote my old friend Meinhardt Raabe: Lu Ann’s husband is not only merely dead, he’s really most sincerely dead.

  11. Liam
    December 4th, 2011 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    FW-How much money does the sports program need? I am thinking with equipment, insurance, and the money needed for traveling to games there is no way they could have raised all the money they needed and how long is the money supposed to last.

  12. anon
    December 4th, 2011 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    Spiderman: Whoever drew him in panel 5 did a really poor job. I’ve been reading Spiderman since the first comic came out. (well, not CONTINUOUSLY). I know what Peter Parker is supposed to look like. That odd creature in panel 5 is butt ugly and I want to punch him.

  13. lord-z
    December 4th, 2011 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    Is sulking and passive-agressiveness part of his Spider-Powers? Are Spiders natures whiny little bitches?

  14. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 4th, 2011 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    BG&SS”
    Ladies and Gentlemen: Toots & the Maytals, “5446 Was My Number”!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhjBiZSfM08

  15. Chyron HR
    December 4th, 2011 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    JP
    “How did you know I have a gun?”
    “Because I know you’re not that happy to see me.”

    Brewster Rockit – It’s funny because that nurse is going to die horribly.

  16. ArchieNemesis
    December 4th, 2011 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Seriously, Mr. Spiderman Artist? Your big chance to go all boobular, and that’s what you come up with? Wow, just … wow.

  17. pugfuggly
    December 4th, 2011 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    Spiderman I can’t wait until next week, when the MIGHTY THOR come to town to try talk talk Peter out of the bathroom he’s locked himself in, weeping.

    MW:
    *sniff* “….Mary, what was that?”
    “I like the smell of my own farts, Amy. I thought you might too.”

    A3G When the Linskis have something serious to discuss, they go to the Mustard Room, the angriest room in the house!!

  18. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 4th, 2011 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    Oh, where, oh, where has my little Sut gone?
    Oh, where, oh, where can he be?
    With his beard so long and his height so short,
    Oh, where, oh, where can he be?

    SUT TATTERSAIL — gone, but not forgotten!

  19. pugfuggly
    December 4th, 2011 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    @anon (#12):

    I know what Peter Parker is supposed to look like. That odd creature in panel 5 is butt ugly and I want to punch him.

    Yeah, normally I only want to punch Peter for the things he says and does, not the way he looks!

  20. bemibet
    December 4th, 2011 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    If only Pete and Mary Jane could combine their ‘talents’ and somehow get Spider-Man on stage! THAT COULDN’T POSSIBLY MISS!!

  21. A Smirch Unheeded
    December 4th, 2011 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#18): You know, on further research, I’m pretty sure the name is TatterSALL, not TatterSAIL. It’s kinda hard to tell on reproductions of old comic strips, but there it is.

    There’s a reason the word “FLICK” was banned in the Comic Book Code.

  22. Ed Dravecky
    December 4th, 2011 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    Ignoring the crazy notion that the star of a hit Broadway production is only clearing $120K/year after a big raise, even if Peter Parker is on the the low end of reality then he’s making about $40K/year, even from a tightwad like J. Jonah.

    Kudos to the Amazing Spider-Man for finding an entirely new way to fail: at basic math.

  23. Baka Gaijin
    December 4th, 2011 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    I notice Amy is still refusing Mary Worth entry into her home. Smart dame.

    By the way, who’s eyes are in the closeup? In Mary Worth. Amy is wearing glasses and I’d imagine a close up of Mary’s eyes would show more wrinkles than a Shar-pei.

    Ted, darling dearest, face facts. You’re a flake who lives in his own reality. It surprised us that you did not interview candidates for this year’s Christmas tree.

  24. monsieurjohn
    December 4th, 2011 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    …because NOT making your neighbor a casserole is EVIL. I think Mary Worth’s childnapping/injured neighbor equivalency is breaking down despite her best efforts.

  25. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 4th, 2011 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#21): All the sites for 1950s Marx playsets list his last name as T-a-t-t-e-r-s-a-i-l. However, this 2003 obituary does use the s-a-l-l spelling:

    http://articles.baltimoresun.com/2003-07-13/news/0307130231_1_tattersall-engineers-club-emmanuel-episcopal

    Moreover, the residents of Hootin’ Holler aren’t exactly noted for their spelling — which is why Snuffy spells his last name S-m-i-f-f and his nephew is “Jughaid” instead of “Jughead”!

    I’m sticking with the “Sut Tattersail” spelling.

  26. Snowshoecat
    December 4th, 2011 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#18): Oh come on. I’m still concerned about Andy, although I don’t expect to see him in the cave. And I do share the concern about Barney. I just don’t have enough to worry about Sut, although I’m sure he (?) was very nice.

    JP- I’m beginning to believe the majority opinion that Randy is gay. That right breast of April’s will not be contained. She is more than throwing herself at him.

    Stop leading her on. Admit your proclivities, come out of the closet and let her go back to espionage.

  27. sunfleck
    December 4th, 2011 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    Oh my goodness, now Luann’s gone full-on Exorcist!

  28. Little A.
    December 4th, 2011 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    JP: I can’t believe nobody write, yet, “Is that a pistol in your pocket, or are you going home to wack off?”

  29. Snowshoecat
    December 4th, 2011 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    MT –I’m confused (a condition with which I am all too familiar). Kelly found a workshop with all the apparatus for making gold bands. But Mother/Father McQueen said her husband made only one. But when Kelly puts the baskets on the bear (and how could she do that so easily? First time I tried to get all the gear on a horse it was too late to go anywhere.) the bear understands her demand in English that he take her to the mine. But when they get there, she says it hasn’t been used in a very long time.

    How does the bear know where it is? Why is he used to the harnesses?

    Why can’t the artwork be more professional?

  30. Snowshoecat
    December 4th, 2011 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    @Little A. (#28): Chyron HR (15) did.

  31. Spunde
    December 4th, 2011 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    MW: “MARY GIVES ONE OF HER NEIGHBORS A HOMEMADE CASSEROLE”? Charterstone’s a classy place. In most condominium complexes, people only give their neighbors store-bought casseroles.

  32. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 4th, 2011 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#21): There’s a reason the word “FLICK” was banned in the Comic Book Code.

    Millie the Model (old Marvel character, I’m dating myself) had a coworker/boyfriend by the name of “Flicker” in the 1940s. After the advent of the Code, his name was changed to “Clicker”!

  33. A Smirch Unheeded
    December 4th, 2011 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    NonSeq: Eddie’s been reading the Time Cube guy.

    PBS: They’re all a bunch of #$^%&#%$&, bless their hearts! (I’m from the South!)

    Phantom: So Noble’s mercenary army is down to just four guys? Himself, the Nomad, The GWW, and some redshirt? A mere Shadow of original Team Bangalla. The jungle takes a terrible toll! Gosh, I wonder who will be next?

  34. Baka Gaijin
    December 4th, 2011 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    I call “Shenanigans” on Pluggers. Everyone knows the Plugger’s second suit is a red union suit. Having more than one dress suit means one is a CNN-watching, office working, MacBook-owning commie pinko fruit.

  35. Flying Manatee
    December 4th, 2011 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    FC: Perhaps I simply never noticed before, but I love how the living room in the Keane house nowadays has one lone recliner…no other furniture, lamps, etc. Probably don’t want those kids climbing on furniture anyways.

  36. Baka Gaijin
    December 4th, 2011 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    @Snowshoecat (#29): Honey Bear knows where the mine is and loves the harness because, behind all that dusty old mining equipment, is the Great White North’s largest ursine S&M dungeon.

  37. Snowshoecat
    December 4th, 2011 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#33): Oh I just love that expression. You can say the most horrible things if you preface it with “Bless her heart”. A smile helps.

  38. Snowshoecat
    December 4th, 2011 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#36): Oh well, there is that. And it does explain the harness, doesn’t it?

    Kelly is in for quite a surprise.

  39. A Smirch Unheeded
    December 4th, 2011 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    @Snowshoecat (#29): Actually, I think there were actually TWO bands found back at Lost Forest, no? One band might have been a fluke, you see, but two bands necessitated an expedition to the Great White North.

    I could be wrong, though. The beginning of this story was a long time ago in real life, and my memory is not what it was.

    But one or two, you’re point is taken. This is not a major industrial operation.

  40. A Smirch Unheeded
    December 4th, 2011 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    @Snowshoecat (#37): Well, bless your heart, “Ace Who Snots”. (SMILE

  41. Steve
    December 4th, 2011 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    S-M: Next – The Mighty Thor drops by to brag about how much money he makes.

  42. Droopy Says
    December 4th, 2011 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    @Snowshoecat (#29): I’m guessing that Father McCree is still alive and well and hiding in the abandoned mine, and maintaining his criminal bird-banding racket. He’s a fugitive from justice and his son is afraid that he’ll be exposed. Since this is my guess and it kinda makes sense, it’s probably as wrong as you can be and still make it into a Venn diagram with MT events. Let’s face it, the bird-banding is done because the gold glitters so nicely. That lets the bands act like aircraft running lights to warn the flying talking mountain goats of their presence.

  43. wossname
    December 4th, 2011 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    DT – The things you learn from Crimestoppers Textbook and Sgt. Jim Doherty of the Railroad Police! Got an aggressive suitor? Elbow him in the nuts.

    MT – “Have you ever really looked at a feather? I mean like really really looked at it? It’s all swirly, man! And the swirls are moving. It looks like the universe! Far fuckin’ out!”

    Sly – The listening device is in the bird on the windowsill. Slylock knows it’s flawed because real birds don’t have eyes that bulge off the sides of their heads.

    Curtis – I enjoyed that unironically, mostly because Gunther-as-a-boy is so funny-looking. I hope Billingsley is warming up for Kwanzaa madness.

  44. Rob
    December 4th, 2011 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#10): Yes, but is Lu Ann’s husband all dead, or only mostly dead?

  45. Speffles
    December 4th, 2011 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    I’m loving the sarcastic air quotes around ‘spider powers’ in the first panel of spiderman. The truth finally leaks out and we will all soon discover that Peter Parker created spider man in a pathetic attempt to avoid becoming a trophy husband. “I know “spider powers’ will revive my failing masculinity!”

  46. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 4th, 2011 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    @Snowshoecat (#30): And I had a version on the yesterthread. It’s pretty much inevitable—sort of liking shooting fish in the barrel with that pistol.

  47. TheDiva
    December 4th, 2011 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    MW: A key stage in one’s emotional and mental development is the ability to appreciate the wants and desires of another person, even if they don’t coincide with your own–a small child will give its mom a can of Play-Doh as a present because as far as the child knows it’s the best thing in the world to have, but a more mature child will realize Mom would prefer a nice pair of earrings instead. I guess what I’m saying here is that Mary must be the oldest, most irritating five-year-old in existence.

    SM: Sounds like Peter’s mighty Thor already. (Thank you, I’ll be here all week!)

    9CL: But it’s not about sex, really. You’re just reading too much into it.

    reFOOB: This is going to be the same woman who ten years down the road is going to whine about how her sweet little girl’s “all grown up now” and she can’t just cuddle and play with her the way she used to, isn’t it?

    FW: “Good news, everybody! [*] Our moderately successful fundraiser has created a temporary fix to the athletic department’s budget woes! But it will last long enough for the Specialest Snowflake to have her precious senior year season, so hooray!”

    Luann: Gaaah, what’s with Luann’s neck in panel two? Is she possessed by demons, or is she just part owl?

    Marvin: Pretty accurate, in my experience. Well, apart from the fact that Divaling One is not some bizarre infant/toddler/demon spawn hybrid.

    Pluggers: Lies. True Pluggers know that only white-collar liberal elitist non-Pluggers own more than one suit.

  48. Baka Gaijin
    December 4th, 2011 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#39): Mama ManFace is technically correct; only one gold band is known to exist. It was noted a few weeks ago that one of the discovered bands was gold colored, not gold.

    @TheDiva (#47): Great minds and all that.

  49. Snowshoecat
    December 4th, 2011 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#39): I believe you’re right. About an eon ago I think we reached a consensus on two bands. @A Smirch Unheeded (#40): Well, how niiiiice.

    (you’re old enough to know the joke behind that one.)

  50. A Smirch Unheeded
    December 4th, 2011 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#48): Ah, thanks for clearing that up.

  51. Hi There
    December 4th, 2011 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    FW:
    There’s an old saying in the town of Waverly: avoid bars and restaurants festooned with just a single balloon, particularly if that balloon looks like a dim-witted man’s flabby face. If you can perceive irritated carbuncles, broken blood vessels, and infected scratches upon that rubbery face than you should quickly run the other way. You’ve just encountered the balloon of unearned ennui, better known as the Funky dirigible.

    It’s raining; the Funky dirigible seems to smirk and roll its eyes. Let’s go inside…

  52. Snowshoecat
    December 4th, 2011 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#42): Omygosh. I haven’t heard about a Venn diagram since my undergrad years. The charcoal was so hard to wipe from the shovels after we would draw them.

  53. Amykins
    December 4th, 2011 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    I think I’ve found the perfect thing to sum up Mary Worth; not just this week’s strip, but the whole comic in general:

    http://img.waffleimages.com/8f592889fc27a1f08109c36bd3afdc6a089b9d34/BigGayMeddler.gif

  54. A Smirch Unheeded
    December 4th, 2011 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    @Snowshoecat (#49): (you’re old enough to know the joke behind that one.)

    Old enough, perhaps, but not smart enough. Hint, please?

  55. Amykins
    December 4th, 2011 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    Also, as a sidenote: What’s up with Mary Jane’s chest in the second to last panel? Either she’s wearing a black bra underneath the world’s sheerest sweater, or she has some sort of terrible skin disease.

  56. A Smirch Unheeded
    December 4th, 2011 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#54): Oh wait! Church Lady, right?

  57. Snowshoecat
    December 4th, 2011 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#47): How did you get so smart? My forehead is just a little flatter thinking about your take on Mary Smirk.

    And as far as Marvin goes, your description of the little Divaling (!) is spot on. They are all like that. We are such paragons and we spawn– what?

  58. Amykins
    December 4th, 2011 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    @danteGideon (#3): Thank god I’m not the only person who noticed that. I think the artist spilled some ink, grimaced, then handed it to the colorist saying “Good luck, pal”.

  59. The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE
    December 4th, 2011 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    “Wah, my wife makes more money than I do. It’s time to become a cartoonish jackass” is one of the plots of the first (maybe second?) season of Knots Landing (and thousands of other works of fiction from the era, I’m sure). This confirms that newspaper Spidey takes place in the late 70s/early 80s, which would also help explain the apparent continued vitality of print media, the profitability of a Broadway musical, and MJ’s cocaine-fueled mania.

  60. Comcis Fan
    December 4th, 2011 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#10): Mary Worth would have no idea what to do with Barney Frank, although he’d have no problem making mincemeat casserole of her. There’d be plenty of scowls and frown lines all around.

  61. Snowshoecat
    December 4th, 2011 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#54): Well, it maybe a chick thing. A southern Belle was telling an acquaintance about her privileged childhood. With every gift she said that Daddy had bought her the other woman would say, “how niiiiiiice” which turned out to be code for f*** you. Her Daddy had told her that saying “how niiice” was more polite.

    But I did mean that in the nicest possible way. Oops there’s another one.

  62. Snowshoecat
    December 4th, 2011 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    Oops. I meant may be. I loathe the tendency to do that.

  63. Ride dem haunches
    December 4th, 2011 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    @Sgt. Saunders (#6): Interesting April in JP mentions a gun. At first (second and third) glance, panel 3 appears to show April holding a gun. But turns out it’s just a style exhibition from the judges Membahz Only collection, and some weird hand placement. I swear it looks like a pistol.

    Whew! Thought it was just me! Like some twisted Slylock Fox puzzle, spot the hidden weapons, or something.

  64. tb4000
    December 4th, 2011 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    9CL: Haha, it’s risque because, because 9:15 means her lower appendages will be in a certain area, you see, and…..you know what, shut the fuck up.

  65. A Smirch Unheeded
    December 4th, 2011 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    @Snowshoecat (#61): Now I thought that’s what the Church Lady meant, but I felt mean and wicked for thinking it…

    Thanks, Cashew Snoot (bless your heart!), I feel better now.

  66. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 4th, 2011 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    Archie – Ah, this may have been the moment when the old AJGLU-1000 first discovered that there were joke books, containing the humor legacy of the hu-mans. It wasn’t long after that that it overheated and was hastily replaced by the ill-fated 2000 unit.

    9 – So now we know what makes Edda’s butt so special. Her right leg is discernibly shorter than her left.

    Forget 9:15. I expect Amos’s favorite time of day would be, um, five minutes before 1:00.

    Curtis – Today we learned that Gunther’s hair was all smacked off his head by Nana-Anna.

  67. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 4th, 2011 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    Sunday is… …when the crazy naked redhead baby and the Cuban bandleader baby take a day off from terrifying us.

    Pluggers think somebody gives a sweet poo which suit they wore last.

    Family – Billy’s what: five? His homework should still consist of coloring a bunch of little circles, not properties of numbers.

    Mary“Mary gives one of her neighbors a homemade casserole.”
    I wish they didn’t leave the attributions off of some of their quotes. This sounds a little like Puny the Younger, Hoary the Elder, or maybe Shecky the Green.

  68. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 4th, 2011 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#y230): Or is he mostly dead? Or somewhat dead?
    He’s morally, ethically, spiritually, physically, positively, absolutely, undeniably and reliably dead. [Ho ho! I dodged ahead of Rocky Stoneaxe on this one by going for the long quote! Which I have totally memorized, with the use of a handy mnemonic device. And I remember the word "mnemonic" by singing a little song I wrote. "M is for the Many ways it helps meeee..."]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#236): Like the story by Saki, Les’s captors will threaten to return him unless a sizeable ransom is paid annually.
    Why am I not surprised that Saki went O. Henry one better? (sigh) There’s two more things I should find the time to read more of.

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#246): I just type a distinctive phrase or two into Google, and voila!
    Interestingly enough, that’s also a way to find out if the entire text of some particular book or story or poem is available to be put in your ebook reader. They sometimes don’t turn up in a title search.

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#21): Wait, you mean ol’ Slit Tattersall?

  69. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 4th, 2011 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#66):

    <…may have been the moment when the old AJGLU-1000 first discovered that there were joke books, containing the humor legacy of the hu-mans. It wasn’t long after that that it overheated and was hastily replaced by the ill-fated 2000 unit.

    Yes, the memory architecture of the 2000 series allowed it to access expanded jokes, though not extended jokes. Copyrighted jokes became possible in the 3000 series due to the introduction of “protected” mode.

  70. Snowshoecat
    December 4th, 2011 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#65): Well that’s niiice. And here I thought your Church Lady idea was perfect. I just hadn’t thought of that before, being so pure and all.

    And I sure hope you were smiling.

  71. Peanut Gallery
    December 4th, 2011 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    @Sgt. Saunders (#6): The gun accessorizes nicely with her magic color-changing shirt, but she shouldn’t be threatening that poor defenseless door jamb.

  72. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 4th, 2011 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    Frazz: win, with Queen sauce.

    Doons: subtle. . .

    LaCuc: doesn’t want to live on this planet anymore.

    Luann: Sunday fapping by Evans. (c’mon, Bernice, help her out in there. . . . )

    rMC: nicely done.

    PBS: *chuckles*

    SBp: I lol’d.

    Bizarro: o how cute! I Lol’d.

    Ghost-who-muses: how retro, and how gorgeous.

    PV: the Companion arrives!

    Zits: someone’s crying, Lord. . . .

    late to the snark, so snarpologies as necessary.

  73. Anonymous
    December 4th, 2011 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    “I enjoy my own cooking, my own taste in clothing, my own life choices, my own advice, my own hairstyle….Gosh, I’m just so wonderful even I forget how terrific it is being me sometimes!” Like Mary Worth, I say this to my neighbors, but I’m using it as a deterrent to further social interaction. And boy-howdy, does it ever work!

  74. ByJove
    December 4th, 2011 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    FW: And meanwhile, across town the members of Board of Education are saying, “Yes!! And maybe next year we can get them to run a Casino Night to pay for the math department!!”

  75. Anonymous
    December 4th, 2011 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    @bemibet (#20): That made me SOL. (snort out loud).

  76. Snowshoecat
    December 4th, 2011 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    Since we have a gathering of such erudite ‘Mudges, I have a question that has been bothering me for a very long time and one of you is sure to know the answer.

    Many many moons ago I read a sort story about a man who feared death so much that he sought a way to slow time. He wrote all his findings in a journal using a typewriter (for you ‘Mudgelets, that is a keyboard using an inked ribbon to print letters directly on to paper).

    The story ends with his having indeed slowed time. Unfortunately it was only his own time he slowed. A guide tells his story to a group of tourists looking at him through a glass partition and ends by saying “If you look very carefully you can see his left hand index finger very slowly approaching the letter e.”

    What is the name of the story? Who wrote it?

    I was spurred to ask by the mention of two of my favorite authors, O. Henry and Saki.

    Thank you for any assistance you can provide.

  77. lynn
    December 4th, 2011 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    Yes, congratulations, Mrs. Josh, on your promotion, but do tell, Josh, at what kind of job did she used to make LESS than a blogger? (Smile, Josh, if you knew my real name – we had an actual business transaction a number of years ago). Anyway, in celebration, I sent you a casserole. Yes, salmon was involved.

  78. Digger
    December 4th, 2011 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    “Mary gives one of her neighbors a homemade casserole” may be the dullest narration-box in the history of narration-boxes.

  79. smokey stover
    December 4th, 2011 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    Is Howard Schnelleberger the model for Gil Thorpe? You be the judge! (Note mysterious hand in photo.)

  80. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 4th, 2011 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    @Snowshoecat (#52): haven’t been going to GraphJam, then? It’s not the best of the lolsites, but it has it’s moments.

  81. Ingeld
    December 4th, 2011 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    Josh, congratulations on your wife getting the waitressing job! I kid, I kid.

  82. Chance
    December 4th, 2011 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#25): It is Tattersall, as perusal of the comics themselves will plainly show. http://www.newspaperarchive.com/SiteMap/FreePdfPreview.aspx?img=107816587

  83. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 4th, 2011 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    From one extreme. . .

    RA: Today, Donna A. Lewis ups her game by going to the same tired “teh technology, amiright?” well frequented by such strips as Blondie, Curtis, and Shoe.

    to the other. . .
    CdS: “Tinsel of Damocles” is the funniest thing I’ve read all day.

  84. Joe Blevins
    December 4th, 2011 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

  85. Chance
    December 4th, 2011 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

  86. seismic-2
    December 4th, 2011 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#25): I’m pretty sure it’s “TATTERSALL” – back in the 1950s and 1960s, whenever my Dad would see a picture of someone with a beard, he would call him “Sut Tattersall”. It was his way of going all Mark Trail on the guy, without actually, you know, punching him.

    My Dad knew Fidel Castro would turn Cuba into Hootin’ Holler, right away.

  87. A Smirch Unheeded
    December 4th, 2011 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#72): Ghost-who-muses: how retro, and how gorgeous. Gorgeous is right. I would love to have a good print of Barreto’s original art for today’s strip. Just zoom in and look at the detail! I like how the Wambesi chief has a reproduction of the Lascaux cave paintings by his throne.

  88. seismic-2
    December 4th, 2011 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#21): Ah, the good old days of the comics code, when no male character was ever named “CLINT”.

  89. rembrandt36
    December 4th, 2011 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    I never read or write about Spiderman because – well – it ain’t the comic book version of Spiderman. Sure there was angst in it, but at least there was plenty of action. Spiderman of the newspaper is just a sulky whiney bitch. Ever heard of Prozac Peter?

  90. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 4th, 2011 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    @Snowshoecat (#70): Well that’s niiice.
    Well, isn’t that special!

    @Snowshoecat (#76): I’ve forwarded your query to a group of superheroes who specialize in finding that stuff faster than Google, using only the power of their mighty brains. Forgive the presumption, but it usually works.

  91. David Schraub
    December 4th, 2011 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    That Six Chix is pitch-perfect. Their hips say “boogie-boogie-down” but their eyes say “I will shank a motherf&$^r if I have to.”

  92. Snowshoecat
    December 4th, 2011 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#80): No I hadn’t. Gave up needing graphs when I stopped having to make *^%}%#| presentations. Just looking at pie charts makes me sweat.

  93. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 4th, 2011 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#69): Yes, the memory architecture of the 2000 series allowed it to access expanded jokes, though not extended jokes.
    It turned so quickly to tragedy with its discovery of “Knock knock”s and the unfortunate voice module and autodialer, both of which were carefully excluded from the 3000 (which now sits idle while the 1000′s primitive jests are repeated through the agency of the Xerox Phaser 6180MFP/D Color Laser/Fax/Copier/Scanner).

  94. SideshowJon
    December 4th, 2011 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    @Amykins (#55): The only thing I can figure is that she’s lactating ink. Could it be that the Amazing Spider-Man is married to the Financially-Sound Squid-Girl?

  95. A Smirch Unheeded
    December 4th, 2011 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    @Chance (#85): I think that settles it. BTW, what a great comics page the St. Pete Times had May 3rd, 1952! I loved the door-to-door salesman in Blondie. Some strips I have barely heard of: Rip Kirby? I have to find out what happens next.

  96. TheDiva
    December 4th, 2011 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#48): Whoops! Apologies–that’ll teach me to think that ‘skimming’ is the same thing as ‘reading’…

  97. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 4th, 2011 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    words fail.

    for Poteet, courtesy of Lost Forest.

    Naughty Facebook joke. (nsfw)

    as noted above in ASM.

    give a hoot. (squee!)

    hovercorgi.

    corgnoe.

    for Snoeshoecat. ;-)

    Snowshoecats. :-D

  98. SideshowJon
    December 4th, 2011 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Luann is depressing enough to have been guest-written by Batiuk.

    “Luann, why would you try on a dress for New Years? You’re obviously too hated to be invited to any parties! And that dress makes you look like a slut anyway!”

  99. Snowshoecat
    December 4th, 2011 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#90): Oh thank you.

    Sad that my own think tank couldn’t come up with it.

  100. Red Greenback
    December 4th, 2011 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    “With great boobs comes great shadows”

  101. un malpaso
    December 4th, 2011 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#34): Or the Plugger could be a Shriner…

  102. CT Andy
    December 4th, 2011 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    You know, we never actually SEE Hagar the Horrible plunder and pillage in the strip. Methinks he’s more of a Paper Viking.

  103. Baka Gaijin
    December 4th, 2011 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#96): No apologies needed. I’m glad someone else thinks like me. Sometimes I feel a little like Ted Forth…but without the girly wrists.

    @un malpaso (#101): Nope. Pluggers=1 suit. More than 1 suit=nancy boy. Them’s the rules.

  104. NoahSnark
    December 4th, 2011 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    Why is it always the guys with the physique of a baked potato that want to whip the world into shape?

  105. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 4th, 2011 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    For the refulgent Red Greenback: Not a theft, but a tribute!
    http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r221/Rhenum/MaryWorthforRedGreenback.jpg

  106. This Guy
    December 4th, 2011 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @SideshowJon (#94): I knew Squid Girl. Squid Girl was a friend of mine. That, sir, is no Squid Girl.

  107. Baka Gaijin
    December 4th, 2011 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#105): Is that what goo-goo-googley eyes are?

  108. Red Greenback
    December 4th, 2011 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#105): Nice! BTW, I didn’t have time to add a description on the missing poster (place of toil and all that), but I wanted to add— Hair: FLESH Eyes: GOO-GOO-GOOGLY

  109. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 4th, 2011 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

  110. SequelMan
    December 4th, 2011 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    9CL – Well… 12:55 would be much more… accessable. But I think only Barbie could do that and get away with it. But it’s not about the sex. Ballet is such wonderfully high art.

  111. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 4th, 2011 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#108): Yes, I thought of the goo-goo-googlies etc. too, but I’d have to do it pixel by pixel – lousy PS skills. One of the these days I’m going to break down, RTFM, and actually learn how to do that stuff. Then, look out world!

  112. Spud Ode 3
    December 4th, 2011 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    S-M: Prediction: Peter will spend the entire next week griping about his low pay. Also, what’s with the black spots on MJ?

    DT: ?!

    FW: Something tells me this whole “sports programs are cancelled effectively today” was always a lie, by everybody. Including Batiuk, the hack.

    FC: Bil begins his long-awaited aging process.

  113. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 4th, 2011 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#107): Exactly. Those are the famous goo-goo-googly eyes. And that is why we must get Barney Google back. This country, nay, this world needs a man with that special kind of Vision.

  114. Rixter
    December 4th, 2011 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    Luann: It’s a cry for help. Someone, please invite Luann to your New Year’s Eve party.

    MW: “I enjoy my own cooking and thought you might enjoy some of it, too.”
    Mind you, Amy, Mary would not enjoy your company, which is why she didn’t invite you to dinner. She just gave you her cold left-overs.
    “It’s too easy to close our eyes!”
    Yes, it looks like Amy is having great difficulty keeping her eyes open as she squints and struggles to peer through her glasses at the horrible things in the world: Oh, say for example, a casserole, hand-delivered by Mary Worth.

    CS: It’s that terrifying moment of self-realization, when nameless son-in-law sees what he will become.

    FC: Someone, give the Keane Kid a sliderule.

    FW: No joy in Muddville. Back to the hopeless struggle of life.

  115. This Guy
    December 4th, 2011 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    I just wanted to point out here that the past week’s reruns of PreTeena have featured a lone character talking to herself against a featureless, white background, and it’s more entertaining than Batiuk, McEldowney, Johnston, and the AJGLU-3000 duct-taped together. I’m disappointed that I only discovered this strip after it got the axe.

  116. Cloudbuster
    December 4th, 2011 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    JP: Because of the rampant innuendo, clearly the authors are aware they are having April throwing herself at Randy, and thus must be equally aware of Randy’s completely asexual response. The homoerotic undertones of the Sam and Randy going “shooting” together tomorrow (probably taking turns handling each others’ big, hard guns. Need I say more?), are probably equally intentional. But are they just messing with us, or are they ever going to make it explicit?

  117. Cloudbuster
    December 4th, 2011 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    MW: Again with the poster. Hammering it over and over. It’s like Chinese water torture.

  118. Snuggs
    December 4th, 2011 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker: If panels 2,3, and 7 are to be believed, I’m pretty sure Randy and April have been beating the shit out of each other off-panel. Bruises, blackened eyes… “touchy-feely” is putting it lightly.

    Spider-Man: Time to decipher the “Next” caption. I’m guessing Mary Jane has a torrid tryst with Thor upon realizing her husband is a worthless shlub. Peter never notices, as he is ironically distracted by a Desperate Housewives marathon.

  119. Uncle Lumpy
    December 4th, 2011 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#95):

    Alex Raymond’s Rip Kirby was beyond awesome — for the artwork, the babes, and Kirby’s butler Desmond.

    Generous “Look Inside” previews available on Amazon.

  120. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 4th, 2011 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#117): Don’t you fret about the poster. Ain’t gonna hammer nobody. Red Greenback ‘n me got the fix in, see? (see #105)

  121. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 4th, 2011 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#115): PreTeena was a nice little strip. I was sad to see it end.

  122. Snowshoecat
    December 4th, 2011 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#121): I’m loving it in reruns, along with Cul de Sac (bestest ‘toon evah), Baby Blues and a few others in real time.

    So few great toons. Thank you for giving a nod daily to the good ones. Kinda helps to offset all the snarking.

  123. Baka Gaijin
    December 4th, 2011 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#117): If this gag-inducing self-congratulation goes on much longer, the Geneva Convention is going to kick in for “cruel and unusual punishment.”

    @Snowshoecat (#122): One Big Happy isn’t defunct but I like having two helpings of Ruthie, Joe, Buggy, and Grampa every day. Thatababy hasn’t been around long enough to have reruns but it’s on the good list, too.

  124. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 4th, 2011 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    @Snowshoecat (#122): you’re welcome. For a while, I was trying to do Non-Snark Sundays, where I only said good things, but there was too many carp that needed shooting in buckets, so I gave up the effort. :-)

    somewhere just sideways, there’s a place where Gore won, My Cage, Oh Brother, and PreTeena still are in the papers, and Reply All and Dustbin aren’t. I keep hoping to wake up there some morning. *sigh*

  125. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 4th, 2011 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#124): If only Donna A. Lewis (or her “creation,” Lizzie) had been snatched from the streets of Goleta Washington, DC; then we’d only have to encounter her as a poster on a supermarket wall, safely confined by the masturbatory sympathetic fantasies of Mary Worth.

  126. Snowshoecat
    December 4th, 2011 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#124): If you find that happy place, let us know.

    When I read the word carp I thought you had pulled the typo trick done by my keyboard-challenged BFF. She had transposed letters, so of course carp has become a wonderful substitute.

    Then I reread your statement in context. Still works.

  127. garbo
    December 4th, 2011 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    @Chance (#85): Ahh, when comics had some meat on their bones: Daisy Mae being pimped out, Pogo on politicians, the formal diction of Steve Canyon, etc. Those were, indeed, the days.

  128. Frank Lee Meidere
    December 4th, 2011 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#Y239): I got one remarkably good essay on the flu vaccination. Unquestionably the student’s own, but worthy of publication, with a little fixing up. I’d like to say that incidents like that are what keep me going — but it doesn’t. After I get my technical writing certificate (I’m taking evening courses, which also eats into time already filled with five classes, and a 100 mile commute) I’m getting out of this field.

    Plagiarism really annoys me on several levels. First, there’s the ethical level. How anyone can use something done by someone else and claim it as their own is beyond me. But then there’s the personal. I take it as a direct insult that a student who is incapable of writing a coherent sentence, and who has been unable to grasp even the basic idea of citations, believes I’m not going to notice the drastic and abrupt change in her abilities. But then that leads me to the third, and saddest level: the students don’t realize what a drastic difference there is between the polished work they plagiarize and their own pitiful scratchings because they simply can’t read — at least, not beyond simple declarative sentences (and even those they can misinterpret).

    It’s like a violin student who can’t play the C scale without multiple mistakes handing in a recording by Itzhak Perlman and not realizing what a difference there is.

  129. LittleGuy
    December 4th, 2011 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    S-M: “….and I used the money for breast augmentation — SEE?”

    Peter sulks because the Bugle’s health insurance plan doesn’t include male enhancement pharmaceuticals.

  130. Uncle Lumpy
    December 4th, 2011 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    @garbo (#127):

    See also: Rip Kirby!

  131. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 4th, 2011 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    @Rixter (#114): FC: Someone, give the Keane Kid a sliderule.
    For those who’d like to help, there is a slew of slide rules going on e-bay right now. Lots of models, excellent prices. Fair warning: You may end up bidding against me.

  132. Frank Lee Meidere
    December 4th, 2011 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    @Snowshoecat (#Y242):

    It is harder to detect in those have adopted a pedantic style. Or maybe they start to sound human all of a sudden.

    You’re right about it being harder to detect. In my case, however, there’s really little problem. The students are barely literate, and pedantry is beyond them. What amazes me is that other profs say they find it difficult to detect plagiarism and go to such great lengths to guard against it. If you can’t detect plagiarism at this level, you have no right teaching.

    But what do I know? They all have masters degrees. I only have 36 years in the writing industry.

  133. LittleGuy
    December 4th, 2011 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    Meta: …and, of course, Mrs Josh greets you at the front door wearing frilly babydoll nighties and/or cleavage-revealing sweaters, right? Uh, Josh? Josh? Breathe in, breathe out….

    yBig Nate: Coach John leaves just before the lawsuits for involuntary manslughter for heat exhaustion.

  134. Joshua
    December 4th, 2011 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#67): Unless Billy is saying the parentheses out loud, the equation ought to be trivial to the parents. “28 + 36 + 49 = 28 + 36 + what?” This isn’t exactly an equation out of XKCD or even Fox Trot.

  135. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 4th, 2011 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#131): Just got a nice Dietzgen 6″, and a Lawrence Engineering 10″ for $11.97, free shipping! Yee haw!

  136. IHateMowing
    December 4th, 2011 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    @Snowshoecat (#38):

    Yep, she sure is… right after that camera flash goes off and the now enraged bear strips her flesh like she was a salmon heading for the spawning grounds.

  137. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 4th, 2011 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#128): I just finished my 36 drafts, so I’m doing the happy dance. Actually, that’s a lie. I’m too tired for any kind of dance. But a little tiny bit of my brain is imagining a happy dance.

    As for plagiarism—that reminds me of my other anti-plagiarism tactic: When I discuss plagiarism and academic integrity with my students, I play up the magnitude of the crime (theft! of intellectual property! the most valuable property one has in the academy!) and the severity of the consequences, but I also tell plagiarism stories that highlight the utter stupidity of the perpetrators (one of my favorites: the freshman essay in which the second or third paragraph started out, “My former colleagues at the Globalisation Institute of London. . . .”). We all have a good laugh, and the students really don’t want to be the object of that derision in future classes.

  138. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 4th, 2011 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#132): Maybe I should go back to school. I had pedantry down cold forty years ago. Sesquipidalian is my middle name.*

    *This has caused no end of trouble with passport, job, insurance applications etc..

  139. Rixter
    December 4th, 2011 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#135): You know, I should really look for my slide rule. I inherited my brother’s after he finished college and I used it in high school and through undergraduate college. It was about then that hand-held calculators were becoming available. I just remember how I loved the precision in the craftsmanship and the design. And it had a neat hard-sided leather case to store it in. Ahhh… good times!

  140. Rixter
    December 4th, 2011 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    @IHateMowing (#136): Isn’t she?

  141. Phred22
    December 4th, 2011 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    JP: “How did you know I have a gun?”
    “Chekhov told me. He says if you’re not going to use it, he’d like it back.”

  142. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 4th, 2011 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#138): Of course, some of the trouble might have been that I couldn’t spell “sesquipedalian” correctly!

    // Are those sharks circling?

  143. Austria
    December 4th, 2011 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    BC: Have they ALWAYS walked like this?!?!

    FC: 49.

    FW: There’s good news and there’s bad news. The good news is, the Specialest Snowflake is back in business. The bad news is — oh, wait, never mind, I got the good news and bad news mixed up.

    H&L: The only way for these children to reach happiness is to bribe their mother.

    Luann: Today we learn the titular character is half-owl.

    PBS: Beautiful.

    RMMD: OH MY GOSH I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING AT THESE FACES. This is easily the funniest thing on the comics page today, whether or not it was intentional. Holy crap, these faces are amazing. Bravo. Bravo!!

  144. commodorejohn
    December 4th, 2011 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Why are there suddenly completely different actors playing the Linskis? Was there a breakdown in contract negotiations?

    FC – “Nah, I’m just screwing with you, they asked me what two plus two is. …what is it?”

    FG – Wait, isn’t this basically the plot of Dr. Strangelove?

    JP – Variations on a Theme by Mae West.

    Luann – I think the “backless” isn’t referring to the dress so much as the fact that Luann doesn’t seem to have a definable back or front in panel two.

    MT – “If you find a feather in your yard, it is possibly the result of a bird moulting. Or it may simply be a gift from the Feather Fairy!”

    MW – I take it all back! Bring back the list!

    RMMD – Look, Tanya may not be a doctor, but neither is Rex.

    SM – It seems Mary-Jane has confused “bra” (the undergarment) with “car bra” (the bumper-covering.) [*]

  145. Frank Lee Meidere
    December 4th, 2011 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#Y246):

    Well, one way I manage to scare my students is by telling them that I’m only good at a few things, such as baking pies and catching plagiarism—and as evidence, I tell them that I caught a tenured faculty member who plagiarized a sabbatical application and was fired as a result. That gets the students’ attention!

    Good for you! I tell mine that one time I stopped a student as she was putting her essay on my desk, looked it over, and found it was plagiarized. How? Hard to say, exactly. Something about the title — not that I recognized it, but it simply wasn’t her “voice.”

    I also tell them that I have the concrete-pouring schedules for every construction project in the city, and therefore can get rid of bodies so that they’ll never be found.

    I fully agree on your use of Google, and this seems to be something else that the other profs have problems wrapping their heads around. “The Internet makes it so easy for them to cheat!” they moan. Sure, but it takes seconds to detect. These days I don’t even have to type anything in. I went to electronic submissions a couple of years ago, so if I have suspicions, I can just block, copy, and paste a few sentences into Google. (And as a side note, several profs have said they insist on hard copy because it helps avoid plagiarism. How?!)

    As “digitally savvy” as the present generation is supposed to be, it’s astounding how ignorant they actually are of how it all works. I recall a discussion at one essay writing site in which someone worried, “But what if I use an essay here and the professor finds it.” He was told, “There are over 50,000 essays here, and even more on other sites like this. What are the odds he’s going to stumble on this particular one?”

    Well, if he uses Google, I’d say the odds are about 100%.

    I’ve tried a couple of the plagiarism packages, and as you say, they tend to flag too much, and take quite a while to do so. They also can’t detect plagiarism if it doesn’t fall into their data bases — they have no “ear” for it. Furthermore, like everything else about the whole English-teaching profession now, it’s merely another step towards total mechanisation of something that has already suffered too much from mechanisation.

  146. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 4th, 2011 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

  147. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 4th, 2011 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    @Rixter (#139): Why bother looking for an old one when you could start a brand new useless hobby collecting other old ones? Gotta run, there’s a Russian circular I got to bid on…

  148. Frank Lee Meidere
    December 4th, 2011 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#138): You may have pedantry down, but I’m willing to bet I could spot it if you plagiarized an essay — it wouldn’t have that distinctive, sardonic “twist” that is so characteristic of your writing.

  149. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 4th, 2011 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#148): Gosh. Thanks. You’d figure I was plagiarizing if I was boring?
    Wow. I think that the nicest compliment I’ve ever gotten.

  150. Frank Lee Meidere
    December 4th, 2011 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#137): It’s amazing, isn’t it? Not only do they steal their essays, they never even look them over for obvious clues. Another idiotic error I love is when they copy something from the Internet, complete with all the links still in place.

    Derision is a good tactic. Hadn’t thought of it, myself. If I don’t get a real job before next semester I may incorporate it. Thanks.

  151. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 4th, 2011 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

  152. Snowshoecat
    December 4th, 2011 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#128): My best plagiarism ever happened when two students came in late to class and handed in identical papers.

    They couldn’t understand why they were both invited to leave the university.

    What an insult to our intelligence.

  153. Alfred E. Neuman
    December 4th, 2011 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (y#194): @Snowshoecat (y#196): @bourbon babe, unbuckled (y#239): @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#137):

    Plagiarism works for some people. How far can it take you? Presidents of two Texas universities, James McCrocklin, at Southwest Texas State in 1969, and Blandina Cardenas, at the University of Texas – Pan American in 2009, were forced to resign because they plagiarized their doctoral dissertations. You can tell your students that if they’re interested in becoming a university president in Texas, plagiarism is a viable option.

  154. Frank Lee Meidere
    December 4th, 2011 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#137): Oh, and congratulations! I’ve still got a good 20 to go. (I don’t know if I mentioned this before, but I accidentally wound up with one of my classes being far larger than usual. The beginning of this semester was extremely disorganized due to a strike by the admin staff, and I started off with several “sections” in one of my classes. It got sorted out a couple of weeks later, but after being reassigned to their proper classes, a large number of students petitioned the office to stay in mine. I was flattered and foolishly agreed. The upshot is that I now have about 70 students in five classes.)

  155. Frank Lee Meidere
    December 4th, 2011 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#149): No question. You have an extremely lively and intelligent writing style that actually intimidates me sometimes — and that’s the last time you’ll ever hear me admit it.

  156. Snowshoecat
    December 4th, 2011 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#132): I think it’s a matter of proof. Or laziness. It is easy to spot, but not so easy to prove in some cases.

    My having them turn in sources was more to check for paraphrasing, but it did turn up some interesting attempts to get away with something.

    And yes, style is so easy to notice. My degrees are in literature. I started out as a comp Sherpa until a tenure track came along. I was so happy to get the writing lab and get out of the classroom. Can’t blame you for wanting to bail. Editing has its own nightmares. 36 years is amazing.

  157. oxo whitney
    December 4th, 2011 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    MW: I can’t remember: is Amy’s sling always mis-slung?

  158. bats :[
    December 4th, 2011 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#88): so I guess there really never was a rugged comic book hero by the name of CLINT FLICK? Dang.

    And while I’m not a kid person, and definitely not a baby person (Thatababy is a darn good persuader, though), I occasionally see the logic behind a baby’s happiness.

  159. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 4th, 2011 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    @Snowshoecat (#152): My best plagiarism ever happened when two students came in late to class and handed in identical papers.
    It is theoretically possible that one of the students was innocent, no? She might have left a copy of her perfectly legitimate essay in her purse on the back of her chair in a restaurant while enjoying a healthful and delicious plate of salmon squares… You don’t need to be a member of the Railroad Police to know what happens next!

  160. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 4th, 2011 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#155): Of course. We shall never speak of this again.

  161. wossname
    December 4th, 2011 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    @oxo whitney (#157):

    MW: I can’t remember: is Amy’s sling always mis-slung?

    Yes. And the knot wanders randomly from shoulder to shoulder, sometimes switching sides between adjacent panels.

  162. bunivasal
    December 4th, 2011 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    “Honey, we’re rich!” Peter cries. “I just landed a job with a median annual salary of $53,000, working for a notoriously abusive cheapskate who has a strong personal hatred for the only thing I take pictures of! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go get more of this stronger-than-steel, fireproof polymer I invented and manufacture from our Manhattan apartment, so that I can use it to fight crime.”

  163. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 4th, 2011 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#151): See—that’s exactly what my brain would be doing right now if it could—except substitute bourbon for the kibble.

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#154): Well, it’s an interlude—a class set of honors drafts come in tomorrow, although those are second drafts from my best students and will get minimum comments. The end is in sight.

    (One more humorous plagiarism story: the girl who looked perplexedly at her paper, covered with highlighted plagiarized passages, and finally got that look of “oh, now I get it!” as she exclaimed, “I know what happened! The girl I got the paper from must have plagiarized!”)

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#153): The tenured prof whom I caught plagiarizing a sabbatical application was let go from the university—under “early retirement” with a year’s worth of full-prof salary.

    @Snowshoecat (#156): See, the classroom is my joy. I often like the intellectual work of figuring out how to guide them to make their papers better, but that part can be tedious, too. The classroom, though, is where the fun happens; I like my students and their often-interesting little brains. And I get to be myself there—nerdy, goofy, sometimes sarcastic—in a way that I can’t when I comment on their writing.

  164. Brent
    December 4th, 2011 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Linski Sr.: “Son Lu Ann was married before, and you know what that means. No Linski man can marry anyone except a virgin, and there’s a reason for that.”
    Linski Jr.: “But dad I love her.”
    Linski Sr.: “I know son, but she’s seen a man’s penis. She’d never be able to understand the horrible genetic deformity that all Linski men share. That’s why we marry virgins. Most of them don’t know any better.”

  165. Baka Gaijin
    December 4th, 2011 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    No snark. Today’s Pickles contains the origin of Pluggers.

  166. Amateur
    December 4th, 2011 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    MW: This was all leading up to the triumph of good over evil? That must be the most inspiring casserole ever concocted.

  167. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 4th, 2011 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#163): See, the classroom is my joy. Mine too. I was an electronics instructor in the Navy for several years. Of course, I was just teaching them various formulae and techniques, and making sure they could regurgitate it back to me, and do it on real electronic and weapons systems with out killing themselves. Plagiarism was never an issue; indeed you discourage innovation and creativity when dealing with high voltage and/or explosives.

    But the thing I most enjoyed was the whole theatrical performance thing about standing up with a podium and a white-board and making people just a little smarter in the funnest way possible. Best job I ever had.

  168. Uncle Lumpy
    December 4th, 2011 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    Never had much problem with plagiarism except for some suspected ghost-writing, but had rampant copying (“scoping”) of multiple-choice tests in a big intro class. My solution was to create two versions of every test page (reordering the choices), and then systematically combine the pages to create 128 different versions of the 7-page test.

    After I returned them graded, a student came up with her friend to suggest there had been a problem, because she and her friend gave the same answers but her friend got a “B” while she herself failed. I explained about the two forms of the test pages, and she said, “But that’s not f…. “, thought better of it, and walked away.

    Never had a problem after that.

  169. Joe Btfsplk
    December 4th, 2011 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#32): Comics artists would avoid these problems if they would just learn how to make lowercase letters and use them like normal people.

    And go to hell, Newspaper Strip Peter Parker. You suck as a superhero and as a human being. Be careful palming the back of your own head, there; you might knock yourself unconscious.

  170. Jacquilynne
    December 4th, 2011 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    MJ’s show is a big hit, so she’s going to make $10,000 a month! Wow! That’s a little over minimum scale for a chorus member! She should be so proud!

    Or maybe she’s just downplaying her new $10K a week salary so she doesn’t entirely emasculate Peter?

  171. stinkfoot
    December 4th, 2011 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Man and Mary Worth have turned the art of alienating the audience from the protagonist into a competitive sport. Mary’s entry of Smug Pie is admirably creative, but Peter Parker, the master of passive-aggressive self pity, shows how it’s done.

  172. bats :[
    December 4th, 2011 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#116): you might not need to say more, but why the heck not? :D

  173. Alfred E. Neuman
    December 4th, 2011 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#163): I don’t know what happened to Cardenas, but McCrocklin never apologized or admitted any wrongdoing, even after the University of Texas rescinded his doctorate. He stayed in San Marcos (home of Southwest Texas State), opened a real estate business under his own name, and became very successful. He had many supporters, even within the university, who apparently felt that a plagiarized dissertation was no big deal. What a sad commentary on contemporary ethical standards.

    If you are interested, you can download a recent master’s thesis from Texas State University (formerly Southwest Texas State) that explores the McCrocklin case in detail. Here is the url: http://ecommons.txstate.edu/histtad/5/

  174. Some Guy
    December 4th, 2011 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    ASM: Okay, there’s a pattern here.

    April 2009: X-Men Origins: Wolverine released to cinemas.
    January 2010: Wolverine and Sabretooth appear in the strip.

    April 2010: Iron Man 2 released to cinemas.
    June 2010: Iron Man appears in the strip.

    April 2011: Thor released to cinemas.
    December 2011: Thor appears in the strip.

    Josh has suggested that the strip just has its usual half-assedness when it comes to corporate synergy. But I’m starting to think it’s official policy at Marvel that, if the Spidey newspaper strip wants to use the big movie characters, it can damn well wait until the movie is over before getting the stink of failure all over them. Sadly, there’s something in Stan’s contract that prevents them from cancelling the strip outright in the lead-up to a Spider-Man movie.

  175. Some Guy
    December 4th, 2011 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#32):

    But oddly, the code never had a problem with Hawkeye of The Avengers being named Clint…

  176. Joe Btfsplk
    December 4th, 2011 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#131), @Rixter (#139): You can play with these in the meantime:

    Virtual Slide Rules

  177. Alison
    December 4th, 2011 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    I bet Mary brought that neighbor salmon square casserole. Freaking gross. And since Mary is a control freak she’s probably gonna stand over the neighbor and watch him/her to make sure he/she eats every damn bite of the casserole in one sitting.

  178. Rixter
    December 4th, 2011 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    @Amateur (#166): I fear where this Mary Worth story line may lead. (But then, I fear where any Mary Worth story line may lead.)
    Amy indulges in 24-hour cable news, shambling from one story of misery to another, taking an inordinate interest in the tragedies of others, the “many horrible things going on in the world.” We know her – we’ve all met “Amy” somewhere. As a singular pursuit, it’s largely harmless, but bring in a competitor like Mary, and soon they’re feeding on each other, spiraling into a contest of recounting more extended and detailed depravities. This could go on for days, right in the doorway of Amy’s apartment. Must be an allergy to the salmon troponin.

  179. commodorejohn
    December 4th, 2011 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    @Some Guy (#174): No, no, it’s just that Spiderlight already has the stink of failure all over it.

  180. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 4th, 2011 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#173): Thanks! Despite my claims of absolutism for my students’ benefit, I am pretty fascinated by the occasional nuances and complexities.

  181. Dagger
    December 4th, 2011 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    Has Mary Jane been having an affair with Doc Ock? Or maybe just an octopus? It’s the only reason I can come up with for why she would be lactating ink.

  182. Anonymous
    December 4th, 2011 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    MW: Here, dear neighbor. Hold this heavy casserole with your slinged arm for hours while I expound on the joys of being a good neighbor. It’s good physical therapy.

  183. Rixter
    December 4th, 2011 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    @Joe Btfsplk (#176): THAT IS SO COOL! Earlier I was musing (yes, my Sundays are for musing) about whether there were such things. And I knew that someone on CC would know and that I should post the question. It’s like an answered prayer!

  184. A Smirch Unheeded
    December 4th, 2011 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#172): Cool! I want to take your correspondence course!

  185. TheDiva
    December 4th, 2011 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#145): As “digitally savvy” as the present generation is supposed to be, it’s astounding how ignorant they actually are of how it all works.

    Baffling as that is, I can’t help but find the ignorance of basic search engine concepts strangely comforting–it means librarians aren’t obsolete yet.

  186. Alfred E. Neuman
    December 4th, 2011 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#168): I once taught an intro class with 500 students. Naturally, I used multiple versions of the exams, but that did not stop some students from “peeking”. One of my TAs took great offense at this, walked up to a “peeker” and broke the dead silence in the auditorium by yelling at him as loud as she could, “I see you! Stop that! No peeking! Keep your eyes on your own test!”

    Never had a problem after that.

  187. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 4th, 2011 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#173): …you can download a recent master’s thesis from Texas State University…

    Awesome! I could use a masters thesis. All I have to do is
    1) download it into my word processer
    2) use a thesaurus to replace every word with a synonym
    3) randomly shuffle the paragraphs (I think I could write a simple Python program to automate steps 2 and 3)
    3) Profit!
    No one will ever know!

  188. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 4th, 2011 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#187): Note to self: Do not submit thesis to Frank, Bourbon Babe, Cashew Snoot, or A.E.N..

  189. Snowshoecat
    December 4th, 2011 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#142): Da dum da dum da dum

  190. Hank
    December 4th, 2011 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    @Jacquilynne (#170): $120,000/year is minimum scale for the chorus? Dayum. Forget Wall Street, Occupy Broadway…

  191. Frank Lee Meidere
    December 4th, 2011 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#163):

    The girl I got the paper from must have plagiarized!

    That’s rich! Also illustrative. Fact is, in many cases they honestly don’t have the slightest idea of what plagiarism actually is.

  192. Snowshoecat
    December 4th, 2011 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#159): I know. At the time I wasn’t aware of the now famous Worth defense.

    Unfortunately they were buddies and sat in the front row talking and laughing while I was trying to get across some concept or another. Neither had a style. No way of telling one from the other so the dean tossed them both out.

  193. Snowshoecat
    December 4th, 2011 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#163): love your tale of the dimwitted student. Priceless.

    I did love the classroom. So many stories, so many really great memories. But I loved building a multi-media writing lab complete with great tutors who knew what theymwere doing and were dedicated to help students turn out quality work. We were really a treasured part of the writing program and I consider the pinnacle of my career.

    I too could be myself, goofy and fun, creating a relaxed atmosphere for both tutors and students.

    I’ll bet you are terrific in the classroom, and I hope you recover from the crud soon.

  194. A Smirch Unheeded
    December 4th, 2011 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    @Hank (#190): It does sound like a lot more fun, doesn’t it? And they can really sing and dance, unlike the bankers. (‘Course that scale applies only if you are working.)

    FWIW, I thought A Chorus Line was one of the most depressing shows ever.

  195. Ursula
    December 4th, 2011 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    PV: Yet again, Valiant and Gawain are shown to be poopheads. Not that I wouldn’t be suspicious of someone into polo, but still this sullen behavior is so unattractive..

  196. Some Guy
    December 4th, 2011 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Is this any funnier if you know what the basketball terminology actually means? Does it mean anything, or are they just making it up, like in Gil Thorpe?

    Curtis: Okay, so Little Gunther’s first and third questions are about the hypocricy of his religion, but what’s with “Why are so many women in our choir so fat?” The only interpretation I can think of that fits is that the preacher has impregnated them all.

    DT: Oh man, Dick Tracy enters the world of reality TV! This is going to be awesome! Is the show called I Put On Monster Make-Up In The Dark?

    FW: Just for a moment it looks like something life-affirming and happy has happened in Westview. Then Bull is reminded that, as a return for their money, the community will expect the Scapegoats to win something, which has never been their forte. Gloom descends and the status quo is restored.

    PV: Ha! The polo’s a nice touch. I’m also charmed that the medieval garb Flash has been supplied with just happens to be in the same colours as his usual jumpsuit.

    S4th: Ted was going to continue “Seriously, Sal, you know me better than anyone, so surely you don’t think I’m that weird?” but wisely decides not to ask a question he really doesn’t want to hear the answer to.

  197. Some Guy
    December 4th, 2011 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#y139):

    What? Of course I don’t. I, um, got them from Josh’s comment on Shelia not being a Plugger, which also features Andy’s mother taking care of the kids. (Or so I assume; I suppose in this cross-species free-for-all, it’s possible Shelia’s mother is a bear.)

    Yeah, that works. Whew.

    @Flying Manatee (#35):

    Hence Jeffy having to sit on the dog.

  198. Braniff
    December 4th, 2011 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    @Rixter (#114): FC: Billy will have to use a slide rule and a pocket protector, probably not just because the Keane Kompound is stuck in the 1950s. I imagine that Billy has been surfing the internet with Daddy’s tablet, visiting websites with materials which are considered to be “form-o-graphic” as Billy would call the stuff.

  199. Peanut Gallery
    December 4th, 2011 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    DT – That dame must be getting her fashion tips from Edith Prickley. But did she get her last name from a husband? In other words, is there a “male Early for Christmas”?

  200. Eldaglass
    December 4th, 2011 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker: “How did I know you had a gun? Well, I lifted it while you were blathering on about Jim having friends in high places. I’m touchy-feely like that.”

    Spiderman: “I’m sorry, Peter! I try really hard not to out-shine you. Look! I’ve even blacked out my breasts in an effort to divert attention back to your moping!”

  201. Mibbitmaker
    December 4th, 2011 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    S-M: The complete title of this strip is, no doubt,
    The Amazingly Male Chauvinist Douchebag Spider-Man!

    MW: “…because, face it, whatever I think of anything is the whole world’s duty to follow, agree with, and obsess over! You don’t really think those Moores from Westview are the real Specialest Snowflakes, do you? They’re just flurries — I’m a freakin’ blizzard!”

  202. Mibbitmaker
    December 4th, 2011 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    btw, my MW comment (#201) continues off of the section of the Josh posted above, not the whole furshlugginer Sunday strip.

  203. Mibbitmaker
    December 4th, 2011 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#202): “Nah, I don’t have to preview that li’l quickie”, I said, “no problem there….”

  204. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 4th, 2011 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#128): Speaking of Itzhak Perlman and incompetent violinists, did you ever see the performance of PDQ Bach’s Concerto for Two Violins vs Orchestra where Perlman was one of the soloists, and the other… well, the other couldn’t be there BUT DON’T WORRY, FOLKS! Because Professor Pete volunteered to take on the second violin part!! (I know!) And the results are nothing short of actual! Fittingly enough, it’s in two parts. The link is to part 1, and part 2 should be close at hand when you’ve watched the first part — which is largely exposition, but nobody exposits like the Professor.

    @Joshua (#134): Yes, it’s a very simple statement, but Sarah wasn’t given anything like that until second or third grade, and Billy’s been in first grade for half a century.

    @Joe Btfsplk (#176): Bookmarked with thanks!

  205. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 4th, 2011 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#191): Well, and ignorance will only increase over time—what with that evil internet and all. When I’ve had plagiarized essays, I’ve often found the suspect passages on multiple websites—and never cross-referenced, cited, or attributed. “Borrowing” is rampant, of course.

    @TheDiva (#185): As it becomes easier to do a half-assed search online, it becomes more unlikely students will know how to do a sophisticated search. We spend a lot of time working with our (fabulous, wonderful) librarians teaching students how to craft complicated searches; that’s another thing I get all geeked up over, so it’s great fun for me.

    @Snowshoecat (#193): Thanks! And believe me, I know the value of a well-run, effective Writing Center—because sadly, right now, we don’t have one. But we used to, and they make writing teachers’ (and students’) lives much better!

  206. Jamus The Bartender
    December 4th, 2011 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    Spider Man: Wow. Four bad things happen to Peter this week. One. He’s now on staff at the Daily Bugle. Sure, he’s gonna get a little more money, but he’s gotta be next to J. Jonah Jameson’s smelly ass Every. Single. Day. Two. MJ is making more money than he does now. How she did that, I have no idea, but let’s just go with it, to number…Three. The Mighty Thor ( yay) is his next guest star, who , even with the girly hair is WAY manlier than Spider Man, and this leads to….Four. Thor has the third biggest penis in the entire MU, second only to the Hulk and Galactus. So I hear. Enjoy your shriveling manhood, wall-crawler.

  207. Jamus The Bartender
    December 4th, 2011 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#2): Maybe nothing !!! THOR is the next guest star. Am I the only one who reads the “next time” strip blurbs?

  208. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 4th, 2011 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#206): I understand he calls it his Mighty Hammer, or something along those lines.

    *whistles innocently*

  209. demoncat
    December 4th, 2011 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

    mw no problem sharing my cooking dear its another way of making sure i keep control of those in my flock

  210. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 4th, 2011 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#206): the smallest belongs to Uatu.

    poor fellah’s not called The Watcher for nothing. . . .

  211. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 4th, 2011 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    Dick Tracy — I’ve never encountered “Christmas Early” before, but I do have fond memories of the Steve Canyon character “Happy Easter”.

  212. commodorejohn
    December 4th, 2011 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#206): Ten bucks says that obsessive fans have compiled a comprehensive ranking of penis size for both Marvel and DC male characters, cross-referenced with supporting insinuations in both canon and non-canon material.

    I mean, come on, that has to have happened.

  213. The Ridger
    December 4th, 2011 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#163): Well, technically it’s not “plagiarized” if she bought an original from someone else, right? This student got ripped off. She should sue.

  214. The Ridger
    December 4th, 2011 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    @Hank (#190): On the other hand, they are out of work a lot. Few shows run all year.

  215. Liam
    December 4th, 2011 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    JP-An attractive blonde wants you to spend the night with her and she tells you that she is the touchy feel type. She couldn’t be less subtle if she was completely nude with a sign over her pussy or if she is the kinky type her ass saying “Insert penis here”.

    MW-Mary’s thoughts drift back to the missing poster outside the grocery store. “Why don’t you respond to me missing poster? I love you. Why don’t you respond to me? I send thoughts of love to you every day.”

  216. The Ridger
    December 4th, 2011 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

  217. Jamus The Bartender
    December 4th, 2011 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#212): I’m almost afraid to check, as you may be right.

  218. Jamus The Bartender
    December 4th, 2011 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#208): Well, MJ gonna find out this week, mmm hmm, you know it…..

  219. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 4th, 2011 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    @Chance (#82), @seismic-2 (#86):

    Okay, okay, you convinced me — it’s SUT TATTERSALL! (Also, I never knew the St. Pete Times carried “Hopalong Cassidy” — by Dan Spiegle, no less — even though it’s my hometown newspaper. Sheesh!)

  220. Mr. O'Malley
    December 4th, 2011 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#205): I have a friend who had a student turn in her own master’s thesis to her (it was under her maiden name).

  221. Frank Lee Meidere
    December 4th, 2011 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

  222. Snowshoecat
    December 4th, 2011 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#205): Sadly, as I learned first in theory and then in practice that in times of economic crisis the Writing Center is the first to go. I cried when I left. So did the tutors, and the teachers are still complaining.

  223. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 4th, 2011 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#220): Must have got a really good grade! “Wow, this is brilliant!”

  224. seismic-2
    December 4th, 2011 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#212): If there is such a list, then surely this guy takes first place.

  225. TheDiva
    December 4th, 2011 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#221): Best line from the best thing to happen to the Internet, ever. (Sorry, Josh–it’s the musical thing. If you can come up with a production number about Mary Worth, however, I’ll reconsider my rankings.)

  226. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 4th, 2011 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#224): Reed Richards is called “Mr. Fantastic” for a reason. . . .

    it isn’t for his brainpower.

  227. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 4th, 2011 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

  228. A Smirch Unheeded
    December 4th, 2011 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#21): @Rocky Stoneaxe (#219): Okay, okay, you convinced me — it’s SUT TATTERSALL!

    “Ti-ra-ra-la-i-tu! I gloat! Hear me!” Stalky, still on his heels, whirled like a dancing dervish to the dining-hall.
    “Ti-ra-la-la-i-tu! I gloat! Hear me!” Beetle spun behind him with outstretched arms.
    “Ti-ra-la-la-i-tu! I gloat! Hear me!” McTurk’s voice cracked.

    Rudyard Kipling, Stalky & Co.

    I should never be so vulgar as to gloat myself, but I will quote a famous and improving literary work. For your own Good. You’re welcome.

  229. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 4th, 2011 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#224): Great classic Plas’ cover — and what an off-model, out-of-character drawing of the Spirit! (The dialog reminds me strangely of these gems.)

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#226): If you remain fantastic for more than four hours, call Dr. Doom.

  230. commodorejohn
    December 4th, 2011 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

  231. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 4th, 2011 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    Whoops! Almost forgot to link to these as well! The first one from the previous post and the last one from this post are my favorites.

  232. Anonymous
    December 4th, 2011 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    At first I thought the dark patches under Mary Jane’s breasts were just shading, but the penultimate panel revealed something far more sinister.

  233. DaveyK
    December 4th, 2011 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth Artist 1: Shouldn’t we show this casserole Mary’s bringing over? Comics is, after all, a largely visual medium.

    Mary Worth Artist 2: I was going to, but I used up all of the shade of tan with which we indicate which items are food coloring the building.

  234. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 4th, 2011 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    HtH: If Hagar goes out on raids and says things like “trust me” and “open up to me” while he’s beheading people for their jewelry, he is at the very least doing his part to spread irony in the world.

    JP: “I’m a touchy-feely girl. And since you’re totally dead from the waist down, I knew it didn’t mean you were happy to see me.”

    S-M: Wonderful, more moping about how taking pictures of himself doesn’t make him the breadwinner. If we’re really lucky maybe Thor’s entire guest appearance will consist of knocking Spidey on the head with Mjolnir.*
    *His boss hammer.

    Blondie: All the times people have walked in on Dagwood in the bathtub, and this is the first time I’ve seen Blondie get the same treatment. Don’t think your audience is going to be satisfied with just once, Youngs.

    H&J: Yeah, there’s nothing like a grandmother telling her grandson how much she regrets his being conceived.

  235. Poteet
    December 4th, 2011 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#97): Awww, how cute. I wish I could summon up that much enthusiasm for raw carrots

  236. Poteet
    December 4th, 2011 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#220): What a great story.

  237. Poteet
    December 4th, 2011 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    S-M — Peter really is a walking talking giant ball of sputum, isn’t he? I’d feel sorry for MJ except that months ago, we were shown a couple of examples of her alleged acting. They deserve each other.

  238. Snowshoecat
    December 4th, 2011 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#132): I mistook writing industry for editing. Oops.

    But, yeah, that should give you some cred.

  239. JD
    December 4th, 2011 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    It’s like the foreign sweatshop workers that are forced create Hagar the Horrible were never taught what a viking was.

  240. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 4th, 2011 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#145): @TheDiva (#185): You’ve seen this hilarious bit of confused citation, haven’t you?

  241. Swordsmith
    December 4th, 2011 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#204): Years ago I saw a performance of a PDQ Bach piece by the Tonight Show band (or.. whatever the name of the band was for Carson, anyway). It was Fugue on a One Note Theme, and absolutely brilliant. I’ve tried to explain it to people, but I just don’t have the words, and I also apparently don’t have the google skillz needed to find it on the youtube.

    MW: Forget the forepanel action and the meddle/platitude script. What is that miniature Cylon in green bodypaint at the far left of the final panel?

  242. Poteet
    December 4th, 2011 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

    MT — Ah, memories. Long ago, I won a blue ribbon at a science fair for an exhibit on feathers. Yes, feathers are indeed marvels of construction, and another reason a person might find a feather in the yard is that a bird was caught and ripped apart by a predator. I’m just telling you that, Mark, because on your planet of amazing pet bears, maybe things are different.

  243. Poteet
    December 4th, 2011 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    MW — I’m probably the umpteenth person to notice this, but that casserole grew a lot between Saturday and Sunday. A LOT. Good thing for Mary that Amy is so doped up on painkillers that she didn’t notice. You gotta keep those spells under better control, Mary.

  244. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 4th, 2011 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#225):

    If you can come up with a production number about Mary Worth, however, I’ll reconsider my rankings.

    Hasn’t mollificent already done that?

  245. Daria Foxendorffer
    December 4th, 2011 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    Slylock: Silly me, I figure the bug’s in the microscope, because who makes microscopes that look like that? No, it’s in the *clock* , because it’s so *obvious* from Weber’s microscope-drawing skills the hands are the same size! GAAAH! I needs me a shot o’ bourbon!

  246. commodorejohn
    December 4th, 2011 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#235): I was looking up grasshoppers for unrelated reasons the other day, and when I went back to the Wikipedia article to see if it had anything to say on the largest kinds after seeing that picture, I was reminded of something that had struck me as odd. To wit: why are there so many pictures of grasshoppers doing it? The majority of the pictures in the Wikipedia article feature grasshoppers getting it on, and it seems that other websites have the same baffling tendency. WTF!?

  247. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 4th, 2011 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#240): Love that—it’s made the rounds among my colleagues, too.

  248. Sgt. Stoned
    December 4th, 2011 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#1): S-M: Even though a “zillion” is a fictional figure, my understanding is that it indicates an amount more than a trillion. If that is the case, then if $10,000 per month were even a trillion times more than Peter was being paid, he would be making one-one hundred millionth of a dollar per month. And, apparently, he is making even LESS than that. If I were Peter Parker, I think, under those circumstances, I would remain a freelancer.

  249. bats :[
    December 4th, 2011 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#246): because grasshoppers are sexy HOT!
    Geez.

  250. Poteet
    December 4th, 2011 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#246): @bats :[ (#249): Huh. I had never thought of grasshoppers as being “sexy HOT!”, but perhaps I’ve been closed-minded. I googled images of “grasshopper” and found a few doing the deed, and they looked pretty businesslike to me, as grasshoppers seem to do when mating in real life. (I see a lot of them on my land.) One reason for all the images may be that a single mating between two grasshoppers, depending on the species, can last for many hours. I don’t know what that means for the grasshopper pron industry.

  251. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 4th, 2011 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    @Swordsmith (#241): Well, heck. There’s a PDQ piece I’ve never heard. Now I envy you.

  252. ElkMeadow
    December 4th, 2011 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#y235):

    It seems like a reasonable assumption that the trip is for two. So Les will have to pick up the tab for the girls.
    So far, no-one’s said what’s actually covered. Climbing Kilimanjaro begins in Tanzania, not Ohio or even Central Park.
    Worst case – climbing means up only.

    You said “reasonable.” NOTHING in FW is reasonable. And everything is covered. Clothing, gear, guides, no, wait. They won’t need guides, because the girls know everything, and all the mom has to do is smirk while Les goes wide-eyed whiny behind the snot catcher on his face. Everything else is provided, right down to Les’s corn pads.

  253. dMac
    December 4th, 2011 at 11:36 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#224):

    Getting a bit off topic here, but this reminds me of Bart & Lisa as superheros in one of the Treehouse of Horrors episodes; Stretch Dude and Clobber Girl. “he’ll wring your neck and she’ll kick your ass”
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhBglpMkkrg&feature=related

  254. Hank
    December 4th, 2011 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#212): @Frank Lee Meidere (#221) actual comic book panel of Thor letting teenaged boys touch his hammer: http://tinyurl.com/3aajs4a

  255. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 4th, 2011 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

    as a random comment, watching online sports from a Danish feed is amusing. (danish commercials!)

  256. Der Schnärkïnätör
    December 4th, 2011 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#42):
    That makes as much sense as anything else we’ve seen in MT…….

  257. Frank Lee Meidere
    December 4th, 2011 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

    @Snowshoecat (#238):

    I mistook writing industry for editing. Oops.

    No, you’re right. A lot of editing. A lot of writing. A lot of unemployment. (Did I write that last out loud?)

  258. Uncle Lumpy
    December 4th, 2011 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#246):
    @bats :[ (#249):
    @Poteet (#250):

    “Hither!” sang her spiracles
    And I, rapt by her miracles
    Of thorax, abdomen, and head
    Obey, as in a dream, or dead.

    We touch antennae, brush our palps
    Aflame, I strive to scale the alps
    Betwixt her supple jumping legs
    And spend my spunk down to its dregs.

    I strike! And my robust Green Giant
    Quells the maiden — all compliant,
    She accepts my nuptial gift
    Beneath our leaf, to Lethe we drift.

  259. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 4th, 2011 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

    Damn it, Unc, you’re a treasure.

  260. Der Schnärkïnätör
    December 4th, 2011 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

    @Snowshoecat (#26):
    It’s best to not use logic with regards to an MT storyline.

    You’re liable to permently hurt your brain if you do.

  261. odinthor
    December 4th, 2011 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

    #250. Poteet.

    I don’t know what that means for the grasshopper pron industry.

    No worries in that industry. It’s strongly supported by the 17-year cicadas.

  262. commodorejohn
    December 4th, 2011 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#258): …

    …I have to go rethink several things about my life in the wake of my reaction to that.

    …uh, bravo?

  263. Der Schnärkïnätör
    December 4th, 2011 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#17):

    MW:
    *sniff* “….Mary, what was that?”
    “I like the smell of my own farts, Amy. I thought you might too.”

    As Larry the Cable Guy would say, I don’t care who you are, that’s funny right there!

    COTW worthy!

  264. Der Schnärkïnätör
    December 5th, 2011 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    @The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE (#59):
    I just had a horrible thought: How much worst could Les be if Lisa or Cayla made more money than him? Perish the thought!!

  265. K
    December 5th, 2011 at 12:02 am [Reply]

    Peter’s not really sulking, he’s trying not to think about how MJ’s bra shows through her shirt.

  266. Frank Lee Meidere
    December 5th, 2011 at 12:05 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#240): Nope. But it’s priceless.

    Another plagiarism story:

    I had one student hand in an obviously plagiarized essay, and when I checked the references, I noticed that one of them was an academic journal behind a paywall. At the end of the next class I had him stay behind and told him that since I couldn’t access the source, would he mind signing in for me. When he couldn’t I just looked at him with one raised eyebrow. (It seems to be quite effective. A few moments of silence combined with the eyebrow and they confess to anything.)

  267. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 5th, 2011 at 12:10 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#258): Had I but world enough, and time,
    I’d out-do thy verse and…

    No, probably not.

    You know, that has a good chance of being the finest grasshopper love poem ever. In English. Are you familiar with E.B. White’s Song of the Queen Bee?

  268. Poteet
    December 5th, 2011 at 12:16 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#258): That is indeed sexy HOT!

  269. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 5th, 2011 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#144):

    A3G – Why are there suddenly completely different actors playing the Linskis? Was there a breakdown in contract negotiations?

    Plans to revive All My Children as a webseries fell through, and the actors had to find work somewhere.

  270. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 5th, 2011 at 12:20 am [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#228): There was a six-part adaptation of Stalky & Co that Barry Letts produced for the BBC in 1982. Letts was also the producer on Doctor Who during the Jon Pertwee era. Frankly, I’m flattered to be linked with Kipling, Pertwee and Letts — even if the linkage is tangential.

  271. Poteet
    December 5th, 2011 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#258): I am pleased to announce that if one googles “hither spiracles,” one is rewarded by (top three) the Queensland Agricultural Journal, A HISTORY OF THE EARTH, AND ANIMATED NATURE by Oliver Goldsmith, and the Waverley novels by Sir Walter Scott.

  272. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 5th, 2011 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#271): Uncle Lumpy IS Sir Walter Scott. Pass it along.

  273. Trillian
    December 5th, 2011 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    @DaveyK (#233): That’s OK, we already know that whatever is in that dish is tan and lumpy and smells like fish, because Mary Worth just pours so much of herself into her work.

  274. A Smirch Unheeded
    December 5th, 2011 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#270): Oh really? I was just listening to Barry Letts’ memoirs on BBC(4E/7) a while back. Didn’t know he had done Stalky. Groovy.

  275. Uncle Lumpy
    December 5th, 2011 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#267):

    Had I but world enough, and time …

    If you likes some Andrew Marvell (and particularly if you’re familiar with the Aldo Mythos), you might get a kick out of this (scroll down a bit).

  276. A Smirch Unheeded
    December 5th, 2011 at 12:39 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#267): http://www.badbeekeeping.com/ebwhite.htm

    Just in case. Best love poem in English since Marvell’s To His Coy Mistress.

  277. Uncle Lumpy
    December 5th, 2011 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#271):

    So you’re saying I didn’t plagiarize it. Well, thanks for checking!

  278. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 5th, 2011 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#277): Plagiarism is basic to all culture!

  279. Alfred E. Neuman
    December 5th, 2011 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#258): I’m glad to see that you got rid of your spunk.
    I hate spunk.

  280. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 5th, 2011 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#275): You nailed it. I also loved your Ode to Baka Gaijin a while back, when I sent him on a “wild goose band chase”.

    You must have seen Muffaroo’s “Come be with me and be my love” duo a week ago. That was awesome. Some real talent here.

  281. commodorejohn
    December 5th, 2011 at 12:57 am [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#276): Oh my. Oh my. This has been an enlightening, refined, and thoroughly enjoyable discussion.

  282. seismic-2
    December 5th, 2011 at 1:06 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#258): Oh my. That gives a whole new sub-context to Master Po’s calling young Caine “Grasshopper” all throughout the duration of his priestly tutelage in King Fu.

  283. Der Schnärkïnätör
    December 5th, 2011 at 1:07 am [Reply]

    MT – Yeah, rriiiiiiiiggghhhtttt Kelly. Lots of people are rrrreeeaaaallyyy going to give half a shit about Father McQueenBee’s goose story.

  284. seismic-2
    December 5th, 2011 at 1:12 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#282): Er, Kung Fu. Or King Kong. Or Hung Dong. Or whatever it was, an hour ago when I was still awake.

  285. Joe Btfsplk
    December 5th, 2011 at 1:23 am [Reply]

    @Rixter (#183), @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#204): I have an on-and-off relationship with slide rules. I never did learn how to use one effectively for anything more than simple multiplication and division. The other kids started getting the first consumer electronic calculators when I was still in grammar school, but Mom wouldn’t let me have one; that’s cheating, you know. For some reason she was OK with a slide rule, so I tried one for a while, but never became confident enough with it. My fondness for older mechanical ways of doing things leads me to pick the thing up every now and again.

    There’s a link on that page to a site with the virtual SRs in a .zip that you can download to use offline as well…

    http://solo.dc3.com/VirtRule.html

  286. This Guy
    December 5th, 2011 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#224): That’s nothing compared to Elongated Man, created by a DC editor who didn’t realize that DC had already bought the rights to Plastic Man, making his new Captain Ersatz rather redundant.

  287. Droopy Says
    December 5th, 2011 at 1:58 am [Reply]

    The Amusing Spiderman: Parker will squeak, all right, becoming ever more mouselike as MaryJugs Parker flaunts her ever-growing paychecks.

    Mock Trail: So, Kellywellyjellybelly, did you see any actual gold and gold-mining tools in the triangular cave? No? And isn’t it time for the week-long weekly recap about geese, gold bands, and Mother McQ’s love of privacy?

    Pluggers: Pluggers grow more brutally honest as they feel mortality creep ever closer.

    RM, MD: Next up, Spider thinks that all the girl needs is a midnight row on the lake . . . all she needs is a heavy weight . . . all to be captured on a magic Virals Gone Wild phone camera.

  288. Droopy Says
    December 5th, 2011 at 2:24 am [Reply]

    9DickweedLane: Even if Elrod could draw a thought balloon, he could never place it so appropriately.

    Luann: “You amuse me, TJ.” Four words in search of separate sentences.

  289. SugarFemme23
    December 5th, 2011 at 6:39 am [Reply]

    Six Chix – I like how ANGRY all the dancing people are. They are forced to dance for the amusement of others, but they can’t be forced to not plan the eventual killing spree!

  290. John C Fremont
    December 5th, 2011 at 6:51 am [Reply]

    @Trillian (#273): That reminds me of one of the best bits from my childhood favorite, The Two-Ton Canary and Other Nonsense Riddles;
    “What’s grey and lumpy and comes in a can? Campbell’s Cream of Elephant Soup.”

    (It didn’t actually say “Campbell’s,” but as kids we thought it sounded funnier that way.)

    Also, what’s grey? A melted penguin. Goodnight, folks. I’ll be here plagiarizing all week!

  291. Mr. O'Malley
    December 5th, 2011 at 7:22 am [Reply]

    @Joe Btfsplk (#285): I once had a job writing computer programs to teach schoolchildren how to use a slide rule. That was a short window of opportunity.

  292. Mr. O'Malley
    December 5th, 2011 at 7:43 am [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#290): There was a short period, about 6 months, back in the 1960s when “elephant jokes” reigned supreme. Books were published, late night TV hosts read teleprompters.

    I can’t really remember any of them now, but I suppose they are collected somewhere online.

    Following up on 1960s humor, Alan Sues from Laugh-In has died. He was 85. Despite a career playing mostly gay characters, he never really came out. But if anyone was still confused, the obituaries make it pretty clear.

    He was a very funny performer. Apparently he was even funnier in private than he was in public. One of the old-time characters. Sad to say goodbye to him.

  293. Mr. O'Malley
    December 5th, 2011 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    I don’t usually do this, but I think that Monday’s Tina’s Groove is rather funny.

  294. Little Guy
    December 5th, 2011 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    Dilbert: OccupyDilbert.

    JP: “Think nothing of it. I enjoy enabling my teenager’s budding homewrecking social skills.”

    Luann: I….. laughed. I honest-to-God LAUGHED! And… and… this could be fun. IT’S A FESTIVUS MIRACLE!!!!

  295. corinthian
    December 5th, 2011 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    So in spite of all of Peter Parker’s defeats and personal failings, the thing that finally emasculates him is a woman earning more money…

  296. MyUsernamesMud
    December 6th, 2011 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    Honey we’ve been over this, the bra goes underneathe. I don’t care how Wonder Woman does it.

  297. Jacquilynne
    December 7th, 2011 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    @Hank (#190): Keep in mind that they work 6 days a week for that, and also that they have to pay their agents and managers and taxes out of their end of it. It’s not as good as it sounds.

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